Newb at Comics. Newb at life (I made some comics)

undeadasimov · July 2014

I made some comics, and they're pretty squishy and tender right now, so harden them up with some of that sweet critique magic.

I'm going for a three panel punch cartoon style. I want to start my own website sometime in the future, but for now I'm gonna post 'em in some forums and hope for feedback. If this gets some positive reviews I might jump to image boards.

The main thing I'm looking for feedback on is clarification (is it clarified enough, do I know what's going on, are the jokes funny). After that the art (tips, tricks).

First one:

This comic is the first I've ever done on photo shop; it's also the first comic I've done digitally that I think came out decent.

Second one:

So, This joke isn't really "gettable" without some explaining.

You see, I play a bunch of Sonic the Hedgehog 2 and in The Metropolis Zone there were these praying mantis enemies that shout out their "arms" at you. They are a huge ring drop and they frustrate me every goddamn time. That's what this comic's about. When I have my first born child it will be there, taking my rings. Then I will die to one of those stupidass staru looking things and be left without a continue (so dumb).

Lastly:

This one was super fun. I just finished it before posting all these. It just might be my favorite

Post Scriptum:
So, yeah thanks a lot if you choose to post on this thread. I'm new around here and I would like to be apart of you're community. I've posted one other thing before and it sucked some big, fat, juicy robuttnick. So, hopefully this will be a better stepping off point for the future.

sampangolin · July 2014

Hmm, I might be wrong but I don't think "Why does your visage dawn my dazzling knuckles" makes any sense. I mean I get what you are implying, but it feels really cumbersome. I think dawn is the main problem. Also penetrator is spelled wrong. If you want to keep it wordy then maybe...

"Why have you seen fit to muddy my resplendent carapace with your fetid reflection?"

That may be too long but you get the idea.

Some of the panels are a bit hard to read. Is that his fist he's holding up in panel 1? And what is the blue swirl around zazzar? In comic 3, the appearance of the bad guy seems to completely change when he is surprised, even his metal breathing tube things dissapear. And the pose of the heroine in panel 2 needs work - dry drawing it from reference.

Keep at it!

undeadasimov · July 2014

Hello sampangolin, thanks for commenting on the thread. I understand what you wrote and it's all pretty concise. Quick question about the second panel in "the second one": What needs work? Was it too flat? Did she feel stiff? When using a reference for an imaginary figure should i try and draw the real figure first? What works for you?

sampangolin · July 2014

Just to make sure we're talking about the same thing, it's the third comic you posted, the lady in pinky purple in panel 2.

It's a bit flat, as you say. Her near arm seems quite a bit too short. Her waist is a bit too thin. The gun seems to overlap with her chest/collarbone, which makes it hard to tell if it's meant to be behind her a bit, flattening it further.

Will Terrell has an exellent short video on drawing from reference, and how to incorporate that into your work.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=pOK2sDLtu2Q

Basically - draw a bunch of real people in a similar pose first. A few pages of quick drawings. Try to pay attention to how little details work, like how an elbow looks when it's bent and how much of the leg/arm on the far side you can see, stuff like that.

Then draw a few images of people in a similar pose, drawn by cartoonists you like (if you can find some).

Then try redrawing yours a few times, post them up and see what people recommend you do from there. If you do that I think you'll be pleased with the result and how much more convincing the character looks.

undeadasimov · July 2014

Yeah, I do like how it came out, but the design is still a little sketchy.

undeadasimov · July 2014

I've got another one of these things here.

It's hella rough. I tried a thing with the word bubbles and it came out awkward.

I like the joke though.

Plus cacti are silly things that I love to draw.

NibCrom · August 2014

Some thoughts:

Is the cactus interesting enough to warrant three panels of the exact same art? Copy/Pasted panels can come across as lazy, unless there is some reason to justify it. An example where this is justified would be this page from Dr. McNinja:

It's obvious the page reuses the same art in three panels, but it works here for humor. The Dad is not moving, not reacting to what his son is saying. A cartoon or live-action version of this situation could be composed in the same way and be successful as well. In your comic, there is no reason to show the exact same art three panels in a row. Especially when your art is almost entirely covered by dialogue (edit: the third panel is the one I am referring to).

Why is the cactus a robot cactus? Because it has a tiny satellite? Not sure why this is funny.

Who is talking? With no establishing shot, the audience has no idea.

Dipstick · August 2014

Yeah, I wonder about using the same panel over and over. My format is always 3 panels. I should make each a little different. At least change the camera angle. Zoom in and out maybe. Pan a bit.

That's a good point.

undeadasimov · August 2014

Thanks for posting guys

So lemme break down the planning of this comic.

I tried to make sure not to give the reader all the information. But you can asses that there is a cactus, two guys arguing, and some sort of grant money involved. The two arguing are presumably scientists or some profession that would make use of grant money. This didn't come out for what Nibcrom was saying.

I whole heartily agree.

So, I'm gonna remake the mofo and post it on here so you guys can critique it again.

Thanks

undeadasimov · August 2014

This took as long as judge fudge's long arm of the law. Not because I put a lot of time in the piece itself, but because i kept putting it off.

I like this look better. I tried to take from that example as much i could. I put action in the foreground and the kept the back motionless. I like this effect.

The text was fun to make. In all the others I used a text I got from spiders. This comic's text is more me, because that's where i broke it off from. I'm just a little less because of this comic, as I am less each passing day.

sampangolin · August 2014

To be honest it's still not much of a joke. The whole joke seems to be that he made a useless robot cactus, but that all happens in panel 1. There's not much point in the next two as it stands. And I'd still avoid just repeating the image.

Here's a very quick messy attempt to tell the joke whilst keeping the punchline until the third panel. Obviously the art isn't anything amazing but I think the pacing and joke are a bit of an improvement.

tapeslinger · August 2014

yeah, I think a big part of that 'learning to tell jokes' is the art of withholding information so that when the information comes together all at once, it makes the reader laugh. Trying to explain *how* to do that is dancing about architecture, but essentially it's going to take a lot of practice. Many people going into comedy writing are recommended to look into improv because it forces you to evaluate timing, and they're right.

undeadasimov · August 2014

Understandably, the joke was not a very good one. So let's try to see if I can get this whole joke telling thing right.

A Man Walks into a bar
He cries, "ow!"
An other guy yells, "Hey, we're trying taking a test here!"

***

I'm gonna go make another one. Hopefully funny, with some that new advice I'm taking from you fellows.

Penny Arcade

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