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D&D Friars Club Roast of Celery77
Shinto
__BANNED USERS regular
__BANNED USERS regular
The Debate and Discourse Friars Club
Cordially Invites You to Attend
The Roast of Celery77!
A Three Day Event Beginning this Friday
Children and Little Dogs Welcome
No Furries Please
Bring Your Own Marshmallows
Cordially Invites You to Attend
The Roast of Celery77!
A Three Day Event Beginning this Friday
Children and Little Dogs Welcome
No Furries Please
Bring Your Own Marshmallows
Shinto on
0
Posts
Okay.
Mr 77, or shall I say Celery, I know that over the next three days, it'll be tough to keep your spirits up as a horde of anonymous internet trolls ravage your body and soul, burning you down to 'nought but a shivering husk in the cold, cold darkness of your lonely little room over your parent's garage. But just remember this, sir - your penis is so small you get to have sex with mice.
You get to! It's like a prize!
Burn!
8-)
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
or peanut butter.
You can go off on audience members and stuff, but cell is the focus.
What's there to say?
He hates Bill Belichick with a blind fury.
But in many other ways, you are not like that little kid. That relatively young child who still has major influences ahead of him, who might just turn himself around. That young child has not yet been damned to a future where he uses the phrase "pop the collar". That young child who has not modeled himself after Napoleon. Well, Napoleon after he was done winning but still had delusions of self-grandeur and importance. No, that child is not quite the small, yipping dog in a park full of larger, calmer, more level-headed dogs.
But this isn't about what some hypothetical child is not yet. No cel, our dear beloved pillar of the cyber community, it is about you. This is a celebration of your life, your personality, your inner-beauty. Unfortunately the bag of confetti I bought at the store fell in a puddle, so you'll just have to pretend that this is a purposeful event.
What do we love most about you? So hard to pick. Let's start with your body. Because let's face it, everyone wants your body.
Since this is a place of culture and sophistication, we will not dwell on the physical. Instead we will move along to your mind, that motor that causes your eyes to blink, your fingers to move, and keeps alcohol moving down your gullet until it switches off at never o'clock in the morning. Some might call you opinionated. Those people are wrong! You are clued into the cultural zeitgeist of our modern age. Why, who else would let us know with such frequency that the greatest thing since sliced bread (who are we kidding, 50x better than sliced bread) is Prince? You know the score and will never let anyone believe in something inferior. And if they insist otherwise? They're wrong! Your brilliant mind makes sure that such is the status quo.
And really, who could doubt someone who carries himself in such a manner?
Not I, certainly.
And some may say that you're hard to deal with. Pish posh. Like that one time when you were a mod on Dyna's temporary forums and threatened to ban me simply because I asked you about your opinion on Tim Hardaway's comments on gay players in the NBA. Do you remember that? That wasn't unpleasant for me at all! You handled it like a pro and I took notes, you brilliant bastard. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
But back on the topic of music, I admire your dedication to the artists you have sworn allegiance to. Your blind faith, as it were. Few others could completely ignore the history of Guns N' Roses for the past fifteen or so years and focus so narrowly on their debut album that you would have thought they only existed for a few years in the late 80s and early 90s. That is a mark of determination any true fan would be lucky to have.
Above all, I think I admire your humility. Oh sure, I mentioned that your opinion reigns supreme in most cases and any amount of power that you might wield is like a drunk teenager with a handgun, but you handle it with a certain grace and poise that really makes others sit up and take notice. Kudos sir, you have earned the respect usually reserved for important educators and true peacekeepers in wartorn regions. Hold your head up high, you have earned it. Don't be shy.
So in conclusion, here is to celery77, the man of the hour! A toast to this captain of industry, this trendsetter of culture, this prince of the people. Everyone raise your Pabst Blue Ribbon into the air and chug it down like you just don't care to Tieg, a man who has enriched our lives and shared so much of himself with us.
FMJ-era D'Onofrio or L&O:CI-era D'Onofrio?
---
Fencing: Caution added.
And I say this as a man who once did nothing but watch gay porn for 25 hours straight. Non. Stop.
So here's to you, you glorious bastard who displays a lot of flamingly homosexual characteristics despite being inexplicably straight. Drink up, shortstuff.
The peanut butter could be made out of poo and it will still taste better then plain ole Celery.
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
*does the math*
How were the other 24 hours?
Time flies when your gay.
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
Right up until I realise that you're such a cunt that the whole idea of "you have a body that only a mother could love" delves down to the fact that your mother doesn't love it.
Or that you've grown the equivalent of a cunt on your face you twat.
You're south central, kanye west loving, 50 cent wannabe shit has gone on so long that I want to shoot you 9 times, dislocate your jaw in a car accident and fuck your mouth till you cry (no rappers just me).
But I love you cel... goodnight.
Now, being C77, of course he's going to tell you that jeans are stupid and that everyone wears them because of some forced societal impulse. But we know the real reason: Cel has a huge ass and thinks that dickies hide them well. So he dresses like a fucking dockworcker / skate boi from the early nineties and thinks that gives him some sort of "street cred" allowing him to interact with his beloved black folk.
But come on Cel, you look like a fucking tool. You look like a Wal Mart collapsed on you and by the grace of God only the discount clothing section hit you. You look like you are trying to tell me to come up and ask you what the best type of stud finder I should get for my Dutch Colonial. You look like you are about to go haggle over the price of a beat up 1982 Ford F150. You look like a tool.
Oh, there is SO MUCH more to come over this roast. Get strap your pampers on, cuz the shit's gonna fly.
But seriously, Cel is one of the people on here I actually consider a close friend and look foreward to the day when you can get our Miller High Life on and make the bitches go wild. Love you something special, buddy.
HELTER SKELTER MOTHER FUCKER
You're a fucking whore and if I wasn't from the u.k i'd probably be denying your services and asking for a better prostitute.
They take injections straight from his throat and stomach. The cock sucking tart.
just given head."
Totally.
With those stylish glasses, he was the second-coolest person I'd seen that afternoon, right after Than. You know the guy you always see in war movies who's a college-brain and is hated by everyone and eventually goes crazy and shoots himself in the gut because he's too inept to shoot himself in the head like most folks? Yeah, Cel reminds me of the guy that dude would pick on.
I could try to think of other things to say about Cel, but I think I'll just change his title to something unflattering.
Nah, that would require effort.
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
That's a common misconception.
Turns out that "donkey punching" is just how cel refers to his penchant for fucking livestock.
I'm just playin'. Nobody could ever forget a guy like celery77.
Trust me, I've tried.
Celery once titled a thread "STOP SNITCHIN FAM". His name is Tieg. He looks like this (NSFEYES, check his awesome Rape Prevention Goggles):
In short, life has crapped on this dude way more than I know how to.
Oh, celery doesn't drink beer. He drinks bum wine.
I have to give him credit for this, because few English majors have the kind of foresight celery has shown in preparing for his future lifestyle