I'm in the military, in 5 months I'm going to be a civilian again and I'm fucking terrified. I’m really stressed out right now and I don’t know how I’m going to make a living.
I struggled in school due to ADHD that was only recently diagnosed, and medication hasn’t been entirely effective. I’m not even sure the VA will cover me when I get out and I still have a lifetime of shitty coping mechanisms and bad habits to overcome. I feel really silly even admitting that I have ADHD because most people think it’s a joke. The meds help a bit, but I feel guilty for needing them.
I know I’ll have my GI benefits, but I really don’t know what to do with them. The only thing I’m even remotely good at is art. I’m nowhere near the professional level, and even if I was it’s not a stable or reliable income. I love reading about microbiology, genetics, and epidemiology, but I really doubt I have the aptitude to work in a related field and my academic history doesn’t instill any confidence.
I hate to admit this, but I’m jealous of my friends and family. My step-brother never struggled in school and always had a knack for math. He was smart enough to party his way through college while graduating with a degree and CS and immediately landed a nice job. He’s generally very happy and has plenty of time to socialize. I work 12-18 hours a day and I barely have time to maintain any friendships or hobbies. I’m stationed outside of Seattle, and the handful of people I know are programmers. It’s hard not to feel inadequate when they constantly get to eat out and have fun in the city while I have to abstain because I know my budget can’t handle it.
I’d like to stay in the area, but I doubt I’d be able to afford it. The closer I come to the end of my enlistment the more stressed/depressed I get. I really don’t know what to do.