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My boyfriend & I have been together almost 3 years now. this past summer i cheated on him & the day after i told him what i did & broke it off because i felt ashamed & i felt like he wouldnt wanna stay with a cheater, he then found a new girlfriend & 3 months later he dumped her & should up at my house when talked about working on things and starting out as friends and if it goes well becoming a couple again. we got back together in september & in the beggining of December i went thru his phone to find text messages confirming he cheated on me. he hid it from me until i found the text message, he then decided to break up with me and then we procceeded to get back together a couple days later.. new years eve he proposed to me & i said yes. my issue is that i have tons of emotions and thoughts going thru my head. I feel like were abusing this word called love. we really do love eachother and wanna work past things but theres so many questions that i want to know. like how do i know he really loves me and he just is doing all this because in the end he doesnt wanna be alone. & was him cheating on me connected with me cheating on him first? & are we dumb for staying together and getting engaged? im honestly scared that hes gonna think since i took him back if he does it again that i will continue to take him back. ive made it very clear if he ever cheats on me or talks to the girl or sees the girl he cheated on me with ever again we are over & hes said the same to me when i cheated. i just dont understand how a man go thru getting cheated on and he saw what it did to us and the pain it brought to the both of us and broke us up for 3 months and how he could go and say please never hurt me again kayla thats all i ever ask and then sure enough he does it to me.. at the end of the day i honestly feel this is all my fault. i feel like if i would have never cheated on him that he would of never cheated on me. i feel like i deserved it.. i just feel that everyone deserves a second chance but if they repeat their mistakes then thats when you put a stop to things, but so many people on articles i read say differnt and say that fixing a realationship after cheating is a waste of time.. idk. thoughts please? :/