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[Election 2016] Dickweasels on parade [READ OP FIRST 5/11/15]

jungleroomxjungleroomx It's never too many graves, it's always not enough shovelsRegistered User regular
edited May 2015 in Debate and/or Discourse
IMPORTANT. READ FIRST:

WHAT THE ELECTION THREAD IS: A place to discuss the 2016 election, it's candidates, and the core issues being presented in the election.

A place to speculate on what the hell is going through these peoples heads, possible outcomes of said things going through said heads.

A place to give your predictions. Statistical analysis is always welcome.

WHAT THE ELECTION THREAD IS NOT: A competition to create the most inventive nicknames for candidates.

A place to discuss issues separate from their relevance to the election. Candidate X believes in weird shit Y does not mean we need a play-by-play of tried and true talking points about weird shit Y. We can touch upon weird shit Y and how the hell candidate X could even consider it because of reason Z, but let's try to keep the tangents as close to the subject as possible.

Keep the personal insults out of it.

A REMINDER ON THE VOLATILITY OF POLITICAL THREADS AT PENNY ARCADE: Moderators have made it absolutely clear that they have little issues with shutting down particularly contentious threads. Politics are one of those types of threads that can be inherently contentious, or worse, result in a never-ending feedback loop from being in an echo chamber that echoed too much. Please keep this in mind when posting. Yes, sometimes things get derailed a bit, but we're only human and the effort spent trying to get it back on course will allow us to keep these election threads.

Basically, you all know the rules. Don't piss off the mods.

************************************************************

Election time. We just had one a year ago but this one is a presidential election, so you'll find that for about 3 months people actually care about the future of the nation then promptly forget about it.

We'll be saying goodbye to president Barack Obama as the leader of the free world in January 2017. Until that time, we shall view a dickweasel combat contest where the ugliest aspects of humanity are laid bare. We'll hear the same promises, the same debates, hear a ton of nontroversies, and possibly have the same people we're all familiar with.

Here we go people. With the announcement from Ted Cruz, election season is officially underway!

MOD EDIT: This is a notice that we are serious about the "no nicknames" thing. It's juvenile, it makes it hard to tell who's talking about who, and it is now an infractable offense. Thank you for understanding!

jungleroomx on
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Posts

  • davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    edited April 2015
    My house rep has been really ramping up email communications lately. Either he has a new intern working their butt off or he's worried about the next election. I'm betting on the former as its Adrian Smith R-NE 3rd.

    Edit: jeez mobile posting.

    davidsdurions on
  • AManFromEarthAManFromEarth Let's get to twerk! The King in the SwampRegistered User regular
    edited April 2015
    The Tampa Bay Times reports that it's all but certain that on the 13th at Freedom Tower in Miami Senator Marco Rubio will announce he's running for president. This is widely seen in Florida political circles as an idiotic thing for him to do because Jeb will not only beat him, but beat him in such a way that he'll be lucky to win Polk County Mosquito Control Commissioner when he's through.

    This also means that Rubio's senate seat will be up for grabs, as under Florida law he can't run for both offices. Representative Patrick Murphy (D) has already announced, you may know Mr. Murphy from his defeat of Rep. Alan West (R-Crazytown) a few years ago.

    From the left there are mumblings that Alan Grayson might run against Murphy. No word yet on what Republican might run for Rubio's seat. Hot names would be George Lemieux (former senator and Crist crony), Will Weatherford (former house speaker) or one of the cabinet officers, my guess Atwater since the AG is a nutcase and the Secretary of Agriculture is going to run for Governor in 2018.

    AManFromEarth on
    Lh96QHG.png
  • TraceTrace GNU Terry Pratchett; GNU Gus; GNU Carrie Fisher; GNU Adam We Registered User regular
    Florida just gonna keep on being Florida.

  • JazzJazz Registered User regular
    Florida gonna Florid?

  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Registered User regular
    Murphy is also super conservative, so wheeeee

    Self-righteousness is incompatible with coalition building.
  • silence1186silence1186 Character shields down! As a wingmanRegistered User regular
    Trace wrote: »
    Florida just gonna keep on being Florida.

    It's the leylines.

  • Captain MarcusCaptain Marcus now arrives the hour of actionRegistered User regular
    the Secretary of Agriculture is going to run for Governor in 2018.

    Putnam's 40?! Screw him; he's the one that changed the gas pump inspection stickers from having actual inspection/expiration dates to the big round ones that just say "THIS PUMP WAS INSPECTED FOR ACCURACY" with the state seal in the middle.

  • KrieghundKrieghund Registered User regular
    What? Mine still has the year and month, and they're from March 2014. Hm, looks like I should be expecting the inspector soon. My biggest gripe is that you can't tell people to call Charles Bronson anymore.

  • MarauderMarauder Registered User regular
    Krieghund wrote: »
    What? Mine still has the year and month, and they're from March 2014. Hm, looks like I should be expecting the inspector soon. My biggest gripe is that you can't tell people to call Charles Bronson anymore.

    You will find on newer pumps the aforementioned useless seal. Eventually it will reach all the existing pumps this year. Putnam gives me the heebies. All those jokes about gingers and lack of souls....might be on to something with him.

    Rubio will garner some national appeal as the "Republican Barack Obama", which I have actually heard him called. But Jeb and his money and establishment support is going to crush him. Its a shame too because even though Rubio has been courting the crazy in recent years, he used to be a fairly level guy with some non-pants-on-head crazy ideas. Thus the Tea Party hath wrought.

  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic Registered User regular
    Jars wrote: »
    so none of the conservative base

    I think everyone knew 2008 was obama's. people really stuck their head in the sand in 2012

    In 2008 it wasn't clear the college favored him as well as it did and the campaign itself did some head fakes to make it look like they were weaker in some states than they were (PA comes to mind.) 538 was an upstart random blog that was saying that McCain was pretty fucked on election day but that was late breaking and the site was untrusted/written off by a lot of people.

    In 2012 the conservatives got their own polling blogger over at "unskewed polls" which apparently was the primary resource INSIDE THE CAMPAIGNS. Needless to say he was full of shit. I also seem to recall Obama was just generally up for a couple months ahead of the election and didn't really move around much.

    Nod. Get treat. PSN: Quippish
  • AManFromEarthAManFromEarth Let's get to twerk! The King in the SwampRegistered User regular
    Obama never polled below any of the republican candidates for the entirety of the 2012 cycle, but media wants a horse race so media manufactures a horse race.

    He ended up winning at about the precentage he polled at for most of the summer.

    This time will be different because there isn't a Barack Obama running. Hillary arguably comes closest with her support among women and Hispanic voters, but she's not going to electrify the youth vote.

    The Republicans only have angry white people as their base with some normal people left on the outskirts.

    Lh96QHG.png
  • AtomikaAtomika Live fast and get fucked or whatever Registered User regular
    (R-Crazytown)

    bitch, you made me snort my breakfast :heartbeat:

  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic Registered User regular
    Obama never polled below any of the republican candidates for the entirety of the 2012 cycle, but media wants a horse race so media manufactures a horse race.

    Yeah, the first couple weeks of October were iffy with every poll for Romney, except oddly for Fox. They tried to push that as "momentum" for far too long but Obama wasn't ever down. Of course, that's such a small amount that it wasn't that relevant and when you got to the actual specific states it was clear Romney was fucked. Shit, Obama didn't need Ohio or Florida to win.

    Nod. Get treat. PSN: Quippish
  • SurikoSuriko AustraliaRegistered User regular
    I have a conservative American friend who was utterly convinced in 2012, apparently after taking a nice long bath in the kool aid, that Romney would win. Obama would be thumped, and thumped hard, he would say.

    I am not a betting man, but when he put an $80 Steam game of the winner's choosing on the table as a wager, you bet your ass I took him up on it.

    Easiest $80 I ever made.

  • override367override367 ALL minions Registered User regular
    edited April 2015
    Suriko wrote: »
    I have a conservative American friend who was utterly convinced in 2012, apparently after taking a nice long bath in the kool aid, that Romney would win. Obama would be thumped, and thumped hard, he would say.

    I am not a betting man, but when he put an $80 Steam game of the winner's choosing on the table as a wager, you bet your ass I took him up on it.

    Easiest $80 I ever made.

    It was pretty magical how much of their own supply part of the right had consumed

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1lJ3tfQFpc

    override367 on
  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic Registered User regular
    Suriko wrote: »
    I have a conservative American friend who was utterly convinced in 2012, apparently after taking a nice long bath in the kool aid, that Romney would win. Obama would be thumped, and thumped hard, he would say.

    I am not a betting man, but when he put an $80 Steam game of the winner's choosing on the table as a wager, you bet your ass I took him up on it.

    Easiest $80 I ever made.

    I still have an outstanding bet with a conservative friend that Sarah Palin will never again hold any elected office of Senator/Governor or above. It's a horrible bet to be structured like that but I'm also certain I'm never gonna have to pay it out.

    Nod. Get treat. PSN: Quippish
  • AtomikaAtomika Live fast and get fucked or whatever Registered User regular
    Suriko wrote: »
    I have a conservative American friend who was utterly convinced in 2012, apparently after taking a nice long bath in the kool aid, that Romney would win. Obama would be thumped, and thumped hard, he would say.

    I am not a betting man, but when he put an $80 Steam game of the winner's choosing on the table as a wager, you bet your ass I took him up on it.

    Easiest $80 I ever made.

    Yeah, I tried to talk to my uncle about Nate Silver and 538 around that time, and he was convinced that Silver was wrong because he was a gay liberal Jew that worked for the New York Times.

  • AtomikaAtomika Live fast and get fucked or whatever Registered User regular
    Ted "don't know much about History, don't know much about dat science book" Cruz officially comes out of the anti-LGBT closet.

    “The Fortune 500 is running shamelessly to endorse the radical gay marriage agenda over religious liberty[. . . .]"


    Is it even worth mentioning that having the opinion that "religious liberty" is more important than equal protection is, itself, a far more radical agenda?

  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    And not radical in the good way, like tubular. Radical in the bad way.

    And not bad as in the good way either. Just... bad, meaning bad.

  • GaddezGaddez Registered User regular
    Atomika wrote: »
    Ted "don't know much about History, don't know much about dat science book" Cruz officially comes out of the anti-LGBT closet.

    “The Fortune 500 is running shamelessly to endorse the radical gay marriage agenda over religious liberty[. . . .]"


    Is it even worth mentioning that having the opinion that "religious liberty" is more important than equal protection is, itself, a far more radical agenda?

    Also: It's cute that a republican is railing against the desires of the fortune 500 given his party's long standing history of fellatio for them.

  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    And the thing is they aren't even in support of Gay marriage as they are in support of not turning away potential customers based on sexuality. Crazily enough even walmart realizes LGBT people buy shit and there is no reason to tell them "shop somewhere else because my radically stupid interpretation of my own religion says I shouldn't serve you."

    I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.

    pleasepaypreacher.net
  • Dark_SideDark_Side Registered User regular
    Gaddez wrote: »
    Atomika wrote: »
    Ted "don't know much about History, don't know much about dat science book" Cruz officially comes out of the anti-LGBT closet.

    “The Fortune 500 is running shamelessly to endorse the radical gay marriage agenda over religious liberty[. . . .]"


    Is it even worth mentioning that having the opinion that "religious liberty" is more important than equal protection is, itself, a far more radical agenda?

    Also: It's cute that a republican is railing against the desires of the fortune 500 given his party's long standing history of fellatio for them.

    Whose wife fucking works for Goldman Sachs.


    Suriko wrote: »
    I have a conservative American friend who was utterly convinced in 2012, apparently after taking a nice long bath in the kool aid, that Romney would win. Obama would be thumped, and thumped hard, he would say.

    I am not a betting man, but when he put an $80 Steam game of the winner's choosing on the table as a wager, you bet your ass I took him up on it.

    Easiest $80 I ever made.

    It was pretty magical how much of their own supply part of the right had consumed

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1lJ3tfQFpc

    The thing about that video is Rove's PAC had spent millions of dollars during the election season and come up completely bupkiss. His house of cards was literally falling apart on national television, his reaction isn't all that surprising.

  • TraceTrace GNU Terry Pratchett; GNU Gus; GNU Carrie Fisher; GNU Adam We Registered User regular
    Recent rumors suggest Ted Cruz has been sleeping on the couch in the living room after recent comments about big business.

  • jungleroomxjungleroomx It's never too many graves, it's always not enough shovels Registered User regular
    Hahah man. The "EVERYONE IS WRONG OUR GROUP IS RIGHT!" bubble is shrinking by the day it seems. The top 500 businesses in America are now for the LGBT agenda?

    Someone stop. The Onion is in charge of news. It has to be.

  • AtomikaAtomika Live fast and get fucked or whatever Registered User regular
    Gaddez wrote: »
    Atomika wrote: »
    Ted "don't know much about History, don't know much about dat science book" Cruz officially comes out of the anti-LGBT closet.

    “The Fortune 500 is running shamelessly to endorse the radical gay marriage agenda over religious liberty[. . . .]"


    Is it even worth mentioning that having the opinion that "religious liberty" is more important than equal protection is, itself, a far more radical agenda?

    Also: It's cute that a republican is railing against the desires of the fortune 500 given his party's long standing history of fellatio for them.

    Sorry, Teddy. The free market has spoken, and it wants that sweet, sweet queer money.

  • Captain MarcusCaptain Marcus now arrives the hour of actionRegistered User regular
    Atomika wrote: »
    Sorry, Teddy. The free market has spoken, and it wants that sweet, sweet queer money.

    I'm suddenly reminded of that fake "KFC loves the gays" ad

    ah, here it is

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSBFTKI-zIM

  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    So, in foreign policy stupid today, the Goggle-Eyed Homounculus announced he would scuttle any deal with Iran as one of his first acts as President. Regardless of whether Europe signed on.

    ...(headdesk)

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
  • AtomikaAtomika Live fast and get fucked or whatever Registered User regular
    So, in foreign policy stupid today, the Goggle-Eyed Homounculus announced he would scuttle any deal with Iran as one of his first acts as President. Regardless of whether Europe signed on.

    ...(headdesk)

    How can someone be this stupid and still have so much support?

  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Atomika wrote: »
    So, in foreign policy stupid today, the Goggle-Eyed Homounculus announced he would scuttle any deal with Iran as one of his first acts as President. Regardless of whether Europe signed on.

    ...(headdesk)

    How can someone be this stupid and still have so much support?

    Oh, we're going to be testing the limits of that particular question.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
  • Santa ClaustrophobiaSanta Claustrophobia Ho Ho Ho Disconnecting from Xbox LIVERegistered User regular
    Atomika wrote: »
    So, in foreign policy stupid today, the Goggle-Eyed Homounculus announced he would scuttle any deal with Iran as one of his first acts as President. Regardless of whether Europe signed on.

    ...(headdesk)

    How can someone be this stupid and still have so much support?

    He used quicksand to build his house because he wanted it to be completed faster.

  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    edited April 2015
    We went over this in the last thread, but can we please just say "Scott Walker" instead of hurling insults? Or at the least, use his name in the post so we know who you're hurling insults at without having to click on a link?

    joshofalltrades on
  • So It GoesSo It Goes We keep moving...Registered User regular
    We went over this in the last thread, but can we please just say "Scott Walker" instead of hurling insults? Or at the least, use his name in the post so we know who you're hurling insults at without having to click on a link?

    yes please

    nicknames are stupid

  • DiannaoChongDiannaoChong Registered User regular
    So It Goes wrote: »
    We went over this in the last thread, but can we please just say "Scott Walker" instead of hurling insults? Or at the least, use his name in the post so we know who you're hurling insults at without having to click on a link?

    yes please

    nicknames are stupid

    Except "Santorum".

    steam_sig.png
  • ShortyShorty touching the meat Intergalactic Cool CourtRegistered User regular
    Dark_Side wrote: »
    Gaddez wrote: »
    Atomika wrote: »
    Ted "don't know much about History, don't know much about dat science book" Cruz officially comes out of the anti-LGBT closet.

    “The Fortune 500 is running shamelessly to endorse the radical gay marriage agenda over religious liberty[. . . .]"


    Is it even worth mentioning that having the opinion that "religious liberty" is more important than equal protection is, itself, a far more radical agenda?

    Also: It's cute that a republican is railing against the desires of the fortune 500 given his party's long standing history of fellatio for them.

    Whose wife fucking works for Goldman Sachs.


    Suriko wrote: »
    I have a conservative American friend who was utterly convinced in 2012, apparently after taking a nice long bath in the kool aid, that Romney would win. Obama would be thumped, and thumped hard, he would say.

    I am not a betting man, but when he put an $80 Steam game of the winner's choosing on the table as a wager, you bet your ass I took him up on it.

    Easiest $80 I ever made.

    It was pretty magical how much of their own supply part of the right had consumed

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1lJ3tfQFpc

    The thing about that video is Rove's PAC had spent millions of dollars during the election season and come up completely bupkiss. His house of cards was literally falling apart on national television, his reaction isn't all that surprising.

    I think one of my favorite things about the time we live in is that I can see something like this as it happens, then go on Twitter and make fun of Karl Rove personally in a venue where there's a significant chance that he will see it

  • JarsJars Registered User regular
    rick scott will always be skeletor to me

  • Captain CarrotCaptain Carrot Alexandria, VARegistered User regular
    So It Goes wrote: »
    We went over this in the last thread, but can we please just say "Scott Walker" instead of hurling insults? Or at the least, use his name in the post so we know who you're hurling insults at without having to click on a link?

    yes please

    nicknames are stupid

    Alternatively alternatively, everyone has to have a David Ryder name. E.g. "Senator Blast Hardcheese (R-FL) announced his candidacy at a press conference in Tampa yesterday..."

  • ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    So It Goes wrote: »
    We went over this in the last thread, but can we please just say "Scott Walker" instead of hurling insults? Or at the least, use his name in the post so we know who you're hurling insults at without having to click on a link?

    yes please

    nicknames are stupid

    Alternatively alternatively, everyone has to have a David Ryder name. E.g. "Senator Blast Hardcheese (R-FL) announced his candidacy at a press conference in Tampa yesterday..."

    He's going to get his ass kicked in the Primaries by Rock Punchgroin.

  • SicariiSicarii The Roose is Loose Registered User regular

    The thing about that video is Rove's PAC had spent millions of dollars during the election season and come up completely bupkiss. His house of cards was literally falling apart on national television, his reaction isn't all that surprising.

    It really is beautiful isn't it?

    gotsig.jpg
  • TheCanManTheCanMan GT: Gasman122009 JerseyRegistered User regular
    edited April 2015
    We went over this in the last thread, but can we please just say "Scott Walker" instead of hurling insults? Or at the least, use his name in the post so we know who you're hurling insults at without having to click on a link?

    To be fair, "Goggle-Eyed Homounculus" isn't so much a nickname as it is a physical description. Also, extremely fun to say out loud. Go ahead, try it. I bet you atleast smile afterwards.

    TheCanMan on
  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Registered User regular
    edited April 2015
    We went over this in the last thread, but can we please just say "Scott Walker" instead of hurling insults? Or at the least, use his name in the post so we know who you're hurling insults at without having to click on a link?

    Alternately, y'all could read Charlie Pierce's blog, which is where 90% of Hedgie's nicknames come from. And you should because he is a smart, funny man.

    Also, 2008 was super obvious to anyone who could read a poll in like, February.

    enlightenedbum on
    Self-righteousness is incompatible with coalition building.
This discussion has been closed.