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Round One: Daredevil vs. the Hulk
Son of Beyonder
From BeyondBeyondRegistered User regular
From BeyondBeyondRegistered User regular
ROUND ONE, DAY TWO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlVSJ0AvZe0Location
Azeroth
Backgound
World of Warcraft was technically released in 2004, but it was the top selling PC game of 2005, so it still fits today's theme. Honestly though, explaining World of Warcraft to this group of people seems less necessary than explaining Star Wars. So let's move on:
Your Prompt
This one's pretty open. Are they actual denizens of Azeroth? Are Matt Murdock and Bruce Banner leaders of rival WoW guilds?
I don't know this is all up to you guys
TIME TO FIGHT
0
Posts
matt murdock can't play world of warcraft at all, because he's blind
Winner: Bruce Banner
Matt Murdock plays WoW when he needs a break from League with his bros, having paid to get his character boosted to 90 and then powerleveled to 100. Despite being on an RP server, Murdock's character XxdaredevilxX the Night Elf Rogue, refuses to engage in any RP and spends his time attacking low-level Horde and making their lives hell.
After a lowbie in Gam'Mar, Richard Jones the Forsaken, asks for help after being camped by the Rogue. He attempts to save his friends but ends up getting killed, and tea-bagged, dozens of times without mercy. He calls out XxdaredevilxX on the realm's forums which only increases' Murdock's glee, making his mission in life to pester Bruce Banner.
After weeks of no progress and hundreds of rage quits, realizing he gains no pleasure from WoW and is little more than an angry nerd while playing, Bruce unsubscribes from the game.
WINNER: DAREDEVIL
HULK WINS
(As an English speaker, it physically hurts to have to type "color")
D3 Steam #TeamTangent STO
<MattMurdersOrcs> sup hordies? U weren't planning on turning in ne quests around here ru? It looks like someone killed all ur npcs
<MattMurdersOrcs> repeatedly
<BruceBanHammer> gtfo our chat, alliance
<BruceBanHammer> how many fucking alts do you have?
<MattMurdersOrcs> as many as I need, got that lawyer money
<BruceBanHammer> you're a lawyer? Makes sense. Ass.
<BruceBanHammer> Last chance. Leave the zone and let our quest givers respawn, or we camp your corpse until it stops being fun
<MattMurdersOrcs> what's this “we”? Everyone knows the Avengers are a purely raid guild, they're not going to help u here
<MattMurdersOrcs> besides, I heard there was some drama there, didn't they kick ur ass out?
<BruceBanHammer> made some new friends, believe it or not. PvP guild no less, joined up with them while I was soloing in Outland.
<BruceBanHammer> one of whom found your stealthed ass five minutes ago. Warbound! Kill Daredevvil, then take up a perimeter around his corpse, two more at the graveyard if he pops there.
<MattMurdersOrcs> fuck
<BruceBanHammer> oh, and Matt?
* TheCHOsenOne waves
* TheCHOsenOne dances
<MattMurdersOrcs> FUCK
* MattMurdersOrcs has died
<BruceBanHammer> you're not the only one with cross-faction alts
<FredericCHOpun> more like “Earthshock Me, Amadeus”, mirite?
WINNER: HULK
Broog was Bannerman of the Azeroth Avengers Guild on the Marvel server. He's an Orc Warrior with a Fury spec working his way through the PVP hellscapes of Hillsbrad. He was known for being a bit of a hothead rushing forward and screaming,"BROOG SMASH" in dungeon raids with little thought to his compatriots. After enough shenanigans the guild became annoyed with him. One particular Tauren Warrior named Thunderhoof, aka that prick Ross on skype, had enough of him. He was a talented Tank and had enough sway to have Broog kicked from the guild.
While Murdok was a human rogue with no guild or title. He's quite a daring sort, but he's only all about PVP. He's never been much for raids and the large scale stuff that would get him the gear and levels to reach the endgame. As such he has developed quite a reputation throughout the server as the Devil of Hellsbrad. He constantly dropped in just backstabbing a member of the Horde and vanishing into zone.
Fisk the Gnome Warlock was head of the biggest Alliance Guild on the server, The Hand. The Hand had initially been one of the most prestigious and exclusive raid guilds on the server. But Fisk had through brilliant political maneuvering had taken it over. In his rule he had turned the guild into a Zerg Guild, or a guild that immediately invites level ones sight unseen. This had lead to the guild having a wealth of inexperienced Night Elf rogues at it's disposal. Eventually they would level up to the point of being in Hillsbrad as well.
All of this lead to a power keg.
Broog, all by his lonesome, was a constant target by Murdok. Broog would be chasing some Wendigos for a quest when Murdok would get the drop on him. Constantly backstabbing right in the middle of a brawl. Almost always leaving Broog overpowered by the countless MoBs who would then aggro and swarm him. Murdok never actually once had to directly kill him, he'd let the mobs do it for him. Needless to say Broog would get angrier and angrier killing various mobs. His experience points started to rise and the dings of levels passing by began to sound.
Murdok was having troubles of his own. The Hand had more or less taken over Hillsbrad. Draining the mobs before they could respawn, swarming the Horde so that Murdok never got his fighting in. It became so bad that much of the Horde started choosing to try out different zones and avoid the hassle of thousands of Night Elf Rogues descending upon them and lagging up the servers.
Broog didn't leave though.
Broog loved it. These rogues would backstab him. Broog would click Overpower and constantly one-shot them. Murdok once watched as Broog killed ten Night Elf rogues on his own. The greenskin's Fury Spec prowess was incredible.
One night Murdok snuck up on Broogs and said. |-| 4 |\| |) |3 4 |). ( |-| 3 ( |< |= 02 |_| |\/| 5* *Hand bad. check forums.
Broog quickly attacked Murdok and hit overpower, followed by Execute and was pleased
But check the forums he did. Complaints of the Hand were numerous. Their practices continually derided by both threads. But a new thread appeared. One by a human rogue named Murdok. A call for the Alliance and Horde to take them out. Basically by having the Alliance find them and shout their location for the Horde to find them. An Undead Mage by the name of Sstrange was in. So was Radd, the human priest who spoke almost solely in surfer lingo. Other obliged, and soon Broog had too.
And soon the team launched into action clearing swathes of the Hand from Hillsbrad.
Fisk however was not stoked about this. He threatened to go to the GMs about unfair practices. But Murdok instead challenged Fisk's pride by calling for a duel in front of the whole server in the Stranglethorn Arena. Murdok's level was low, but he was confident he knew what would follow.
The battle for Hillsbrad was seen by most of the server. All the guilds of were there. Aggro Infinite Monsters, SHEELD, Darkshore Hydras, and even the Azeroth Avengers. Everyone was there save for the Hand. Fisk was the on And everything Murdok's prediction was correct.
As Murdok charged toward Fisk, the entirety of Hand's Rogue appeared from stealth. All descending on Murdok. Without hesitation Broog leaped forward screaming, "|3 7006 5|\/|45|-|." And with that Radd, Sstrange, and the other members of their inter-Alliance agreement joined in. Their small team against dozens of rogues. Many would fall, and Radd would resurrect them while pontificating on the similarities of life to a wave. Broog himself wiped the floor with the vast majority of the rogues. Spamming a macro of "|3 7006 5|\/|45|-|" with each kill. And buried somewhere in the fray, Murdok fatally backstabbed Fisk. And winning the dispute.
In the years that followed Blizzard removed the ability for Horde and Alliance to communicate through leetspeak. So the inter-Alliance group parted ways. And PVE would soon not be the only way to succeed in WoW. The Honor System and the Battlefields would lead to endgame struggles unlike the raids. Azeroth Avengers would take Broog back to fight on in these wars. And he always charged forth chanting the full way.
Fisk would leave The Hand in disgrace. And much to his chagrin they took on a new leader, that of Murdok. He would teach them the ways and lead them to take over not just Hillsbrad but eventually many of the Battlefields. Often Broog and Murdok meet on the field. But they give each other pass.
WINNER: |) 3 |= 3 |\| |) 3 7 5
Matt nodded, the computer screen in front of him reflecting his night elf rogue in his glasses, "Just watch from the upper floors and call out his movements. I'm pretty sure I outgear the encounter enough to make up for any delay in my movements."
"I don't know, these guys usually can one-shot you pretty easily. It's why I haven't even bothered with them. Hell, I don't even know all of their abilities, how am I supposed to help you? This is a terrible plan."
"Just call out his position," replied Matt.
"Give me time to pull up wowpedia and I'll at least have a basic strategy for--" began Foggy.
"Too late, my turn came up and they're teleporting me into the arena. Just be my eyes for this," said Matt.
Foggy turned his attention to the computer screen, moving his draenei mage to better see down into the arena where Matt's night elf stood with a poisoned dagger in each hand.
"You sure you don't want to be in combat spec for this?" asked Foggy.
"I'm sure," said Matt.
A solitary gnome warrior named Bruce Banhammer appeared as Matt's opponent.
"It's just a gnome," said Foggy, "He's standing in the center of the arena minding his own business. I thought the first boss was supposed to be a giant crocolisk just named Bruce?"
"Must have changed it in the patch. Is he doing anything?" Matt replied.
"No, still just standing there, I guess you have to start the fight," answered Foggy.
Using a /target macro, Matt's rogue targeted Bruce Banhammer and then Shadowstepped behind him, opening with a Cheap Shot to stun the gnome and then proceeding to build up some combo points with some Mutilates followed by an Envenom.
"That killed him?" questioned Foggy, "He's already down."
"Doubtful," replied Matt.
"Oh shit, he's got a speech bubble now, it says 'You're making me angry.' Now another, 'You wouldn't like me when I'm angry,'" Foggy read aloud.
Suddenly, a green explosion covered the gnome and sent Matt's rogue flying back.
"He's got a second phase, Matt. I hope you've got your macros set up. You've been knocked back about twenty yards, and the gnome has transformed into--ah crap, he's a giant mutated orc. Like a green version of Gurtogg Bloodboil from Black Temple," explained Foggy.
"You know I don't know what Gurtogg looks like. Has he moved?" asked Matt.
"Shit, sorry. He's slowly lumbering towards you," said Foggy.
Matt let go of his mouse and focused on his keyboard macros. Placing an Unconscious Dig Rat where he currently stood, Matt then used his /target macro to target Bruce Banhammer and Shadowstep behind him to begin the assault.
"Why didn't you vanish so you could use Cheap Shot again?" asked Foggy.
"Vanishing would have made me drop combat and he would have despawned," replied Matt.
"I'm still not sure you should be attempting these solo things," said Foggy.
"I can do it," answered Matt.
"The boss is turned towards you, he's got a cast bar for a ground pound attack, get out of the way!" shouted Foggy.
Using another macro, Matt targeted the Unconscious Dig Rat he had placed earlier and shadowstepped to it, getting him out of harm's way. He then re-targeted Bruce Banhammer.
"Shadowstep will be on cooldown for a few seconds longer. Am I facing towards the boss?" asked Matt.
"30 degrees to your left. Shit, my left, your right. Okay that's good," Foggy guided.
Now facing the boss, Matt ran his rogue forward while tapping his Mutilate key until he heard the sound of coming into contact. He immediately used his combo points to perform a Kidney Shot and stun the boss, then ran a few feet forward before grabbing his mouse to perform a 180 degree spin and attack the back of the stunned Bruce Banhammer.
"You're way too good at this," said Foggy.
Matt continued his strategy of shadowstepping to the Unconscious Dig Rat whenever Bruce Banhammer began to cast his strong attack, and otherwise did his highest damage rotation and consumed a Health Potion whenever Foggy informed him that his health was low.
"You're almost there, he's down to his last 15% of life," said Foggy, "hey! Some other players started throwing rotten fruit at you!"
"Anybody we know?" asked Matt.
Foggy shrugged, "Nah, some human paladin named KingRighteous and a worgen priest named HealzDaKing. They're in the same guild though. It's called 'Azeroth 4 Fisk.' I think I heard about them griefing the Gilnean refugees."
Matt's screen played an alert sound, interrupting Foggy's train of thought.
"What just happened?" asked Matt.
"The boss enraged at 10%, you better burn him down quick," said Foggy.
Activating Evasion, Cloak of Shadows, Smoke Bomb, Feint and every other cooldown that he had access to, Matt doubled down on his highest dps rotation. It was now a race as to whose health hit zero first. Bruce hit much harder, but far less often.
Matt's rogue had 35% health left, Bruce had 8%. Now Matt had 25% and Bruce had 6%. 13% to 4%. 6% to 2%.
1% to 1%.
0.
"Holy shit, Matt! You pulled it off!" shouted Foggy.
The fanfare played in game and Matt's character was teleported out of the arena, victorious.
"What made you decide to do this challenge anyways?" asked Foggy.
Matt just smiled and reclined in his chair.
Across New York in a high rise tower, a voice screamed out, "Dammit Tony, you just cost me a steak dinner!"
Tony Stark looked up from his computer at the frustrated Bruce Banner and shrugged, "All I did was pay off my buddy at Blizzard to add the boss that you created to the game. It's not my fault that you failed to design a boss that even a blind guy could beat."
"They must have failed to follow my deisgn," began Bruce.
"They followed exactly what you gave them, I watched them do it," said Tony, dismissively. "Next time you want to win your revenge bet against someone for PKing your Orc, design something better."
Bruce sighed, "He must have cheated. How else would he get out of my aoe attack that was designed to insta-gib him?"
"Maybe he's just a better World of Warcraft player than you?" smirked Tony.
Bruce glared.
"On the brightside, at least when he beat you today you didn't Hulk Smash one of my $6,000 laptops like you did the last time."
Winner: Matt Murdock
(Didn't have time to proofread, so apologies for any mistakes)
Edit: Sorry Fearghaill, I just realized I re-used the same Bruce Banhammer name that you used for yours. I read yours a few hours ago and I guess that name stuck in my head.
Meanwhile, Bruce Banner doesn't dodge anything. He takes every kind of avoidable damage and he's never been in a raid he didn't think could be beaten by dropping a healer for more DPS. Bruce is a great player when motivated, but the smallest things set him off and he's got everybody in the guild on pins and needles all the time. Just last week the raid had to bring a bench warrior in because Bruce snapped his keyboard in half (again.)
The guild decides that they have to get rid of Bruce, but they can't figure out how to do it without him flying off the handle (which nobody wants to deal with.) Eventually Matt and the rest convince him to transfer to a PvP server, where he'll have an outlet for his rage. Everybody unfriends him and that's that.
Eventually the guild breaks up when it is revealed Matt slept with the guild leader and the heal lead in one weekend at Blizzcon.
WINNER: DAREDEVIL (but really, nobody wins)
Pluto was a planet and I'll never forget
WINNER: HULK