As soon as I said it, I realized. There was an awkward couple of seconds before we both sort of pretended I hadn't said anything.
+1
Options
NocrenLt Futz, Back in ActionNorth CarolinaRegistered Userregular
At least you didn't try and stop yourself and say something else mid-sentence (or mid-word) that wound up being worse.
Like during Johnny Cage's fight intros.
Rai-diddy!
Rai-donkulous.
Rai-de-dental floss....
0
Options
valhalla13013 Dark Shield Perceives the GodsRegistered Userregular
I feel like maybe this should be awkward, but the inner 14 year old that mostly dominates me wanted to bust out laughing.
I was just in the restroom. Now... being 44, there are certain ailments I have, and I have to take metamucil and stool softeners. Not a pretty thing. However, sometimes... there are certain things I can't help. So I'm standing at the urinal, and let rip this long one. It goes on for about a minute. Up to this point, I had heard someone shuffling around in a stall, and after that, nothing. I go to wash my hands.
Then the toilet flushes, and the door opens up to see me standing there with the biggest grin on my face trying not to bust out laughing. Especially with the serious look he had on his face. I mean... I was in the right place for it.
So it turns out the affectionate nickname my mom's been calling my sister Gwen for the past 19 years actually translates to "My little bitch" in French.
Mom had no idea. Gwen did though. She's taken French all through school, but didn't say anything.
Yeah. See, its what Madeline calls Genevieve, her dog, in the cartoon show. Mom thought she was calling Gwen her little puppy. But apparently when you call a human girl that, it is no longer a term of endearment.
Hey, awkward thread! It's been a while. Good to see you.
I'm on the train home right now, still about 45 minutes out from my stop, and for the last 20 minutes I've had the extreme pleasure of listening to a super drunk guy tell anyone who makes eye contact about his colon problems. Now, if I had as numerous and severe colon problems as this guy, I would probably also be falling-down drunk by the early evening every day as well. But I would not tell people on the train about it! Because that is uncouth.
If he actually goes into the lavatory to experience a colon problem in real time, I think there might be a scuffle over which other passenger gets to barricade him in.
Realizing lately that I don't really trust or respect basically any of the moderators here. So, good luck with life, friends! Hit me up on Twitter @DesertLeviathan
He has had his forum name changed by mods occasionally, sometimes due to events that may or may not have taken place outside the forums. One such event resulted in his handle being altered to Drunkus Beaver for a little while.
0
Options
I ZimbraWorst song, played on ugliest guitarRegistered Userregular
The Hanged Man reminded me of my craziest bus story. I was taking the Van Galder from downtown Chicago to Madison. Just before the bus leaves, like as it ‘s pulling away from the curb, a dude jumps on. He is pretty much straight dirtbag: wearing a dirty basketball jersey, getting mouthy with the driver, and, most importantly, he is stinking, falling-down drunk. He sits down a few rows behind me and immediately starts loudly rambling to the poor teenage girl he was sitting next to. After about 15 minutes she very politely tells him “I’m going to sit somewhere else now,” and moves as far away from him as she can. He then makes a phone call and proceeds to have an extremely loud and extended conversation with his ex-wife. There are two main themes to this conversation: that he is still very much not over and is still in love with her, and that he’s been diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer, has no health insurance, and is going to die. This goes on for 45 minutes. I’ve never seen so many “I cannot believe we’re hearing this” looks thrown around in one place. After he gets off the phone he picks a fight with the girl sitting behind him, who is not nearly as polite as the first girl and proceeds to call him out for being an asshole. It was so bad that the driver tried (and failed) to ditch him at one of the stops. This guy was truly the gold standard of drunk messes.
It's weird, but I love Public Transportation stories. It's like a less-dignified version of daytime TV. I love hearing about them, I love experiencing them, I'm a shameless connoisseur. It's always super uncomfortable when one is happening, but as soon as it's done I'm just... so grateful to have a new story. It burns inside of me, until I can find someone with the same grotesque, voyeuristic inclinations to share it with.
God bless you, public transportation people everywhere.
Realizing lately that I don't really trust or respect basically any of the moderators here. So, good luck with life, friends! Hit me up on Twitter @DesertLeviathan
And when you're experiencing a Public Transportation Person incident in progress, and you make eye contact with one of the other hapless bystanders, and their eyes just say "Holy shit! Holy SHIT!", and you're both trying so hard not to laugh or give any body language that will make the crazy person zero in on you? There can be no stronger bond between two strangers. That is magical right there. That's like a drug to me.
Realizing lately that I don't really trust or respect basically any of the moderators here. So, good luck with life, friends! Hit me up on Twitter @DesertLeviathan
I'll dive on a grenade if I see that someone else taking the brunt is super uncomfortable. I'll usually distract them and de-escalate as best I can but I'm not above intimidation if it comes to it.
I ZimbraWorst song, played on ugliest guitarRegistered Userregular
The only other good public transportation story I can think of at the moment was on the Madison city bus. It was a Friday night in mid-December and I was on my way to a date, so I was somewhat dressed up. I sat in the closest seat to the front that I could. In front of me were three homeless guys who were very, very drunk. One of them so much so that about 10 minutes into the ride he worldlessly pitched forward out of his seat and on to his head. It was clearly not an uncommon occurrence because his buddies just propped him back up into his seat and said nothing about it. Shortly after that one of the less-drunk ones starts trying to mess with me. Lots of “The fuck are you so dressed up for?” and the like. I’m a pretty non-confrontational dude so I just ignore him and keep screwing with my phone. He keeps at it and escalating and I’m just about to hop off the bus and walk the rest of the way when the faceplanter comes out of his stupor and, with no preamble, starts into a pitch-fucking-perfect rendition of “The Christmas Song”. You would have thought Nat King Cole was on that bus. Everyone in the bus stops and looks at him in disbelief, including his friends. He follows it up with a perfect “This Christmas” and then proceeds to pass the fuck out again.
I also spent one Christmas Eve day on a Greyhound that was 75% dudes who just got out of prison, but that was surprisingly boring. Mostly they just wanted to talk about how excited they were to get laid, or whether I had any weed.
+10
Options
NocrenLt Futz, Back in ActionNorth CarolinaRegistered Userregular
The only other good public transportation story I can think of at the moment was on the Madison city bus. It was a Friday night in mid-December and I was on my way to a date, so I was somewhat dressed up. I sat in the closest seat to the front that I could. In front of me were three homeless guys who were very, very drunk. One of them so much so that about 10 minutes into the ride he worldlessly pitched forward out of his seat and on to his head. It was clearly not an uncommon occurrence because his buddies just propped him back up into his seat and said nothing about it. Shortly after that one of the less-drunk ones starts trying to mess with me. Lots of “The fuck are you so dressed up for?” and the like. I’m a pretty non-confrontational dude so I just ignore him and keep screwing with my phone. He keeps at it and escalating and I’m just about to hop off the bus and walk the rest of the way when the faceplanter comes out of his stupor and, with no preamble, starts into a pitch-fucking-perfect rendition of “The Christmas Song”. You would have thought Nat King Cole was on that bus. Everyone in the bus stops and looks at him in disbelief, including his friends. He follows it up with a perfect “This Christmas” and then proceeds to pass the fuck out again.
I also spent one Christmas Eve day on a Greyhound that was 75% dudes who just got out of prison, but that was surprisingly boring. Mostly they just wanted to talk about how excited they were to get laid, or whether I had any weed.
Replace "Greyhound" with "Liberty Ferry" (when ships can't pull in pierside and anchor out in harbor, these little boats ferry sailors to/from shore) and replace weed with booze and the story is exactly the same.
I had to take the CTA down to some cemetery in Chicago for a class on death in Ancient Rome, and accidentally got on a car that was nearly empty except for some random guy and a clearly plastered homeless man who was still drinking.
Any time the PA system had an announcement, he started screaming at the speaker to shut up. Then the other guy on the train made the mistake of looking at him directly, and homeless guy started screaming about how the other guy was going to kill him and needed to fuck off. By the end of the ride I think he'd started hallucinating because he was arguing with the non-existent person in front of him about why he wasn't going to pick up his empty beer bottle because he was stupid and worthless, and going to murder the non-existent person along with the PA voice.
Then another time, I was taking the CTA down to work. This random white guy in his late thirties got up, walked over to me, and asked if I was in high school. I told him I wasn't. He asked, "really?" and I maintained I was not a high school student. (I was in college at the time.) So he said, "Never mind then," and changed cars. The group of black teens at the other side of the car started laughing about how "that was creepy as shit." I didn't disagree.
That sort of thing is the reason I prefer the metra.
Apparently I said a lot of silly stuff when I was a kid, namely around when I was trying to learn to talk right. I will never live down the fact that I apparently blurted out "Birds of a feather flop together" to people that my mom worked with and it was just the most hilarious thing, I guess.
But my favorite story is a little earlier when, you know, words just started to happen. My mom was in some kind of convenience store with me and a large semi-truck drove by, visible from the windows. So my mom points out and goes, "Hey, what's that?" And apparently, as loud as I could, I yelled,
"FUCK!"
The whole place went quiet as every eye in the room slowly started to move onto me, completely oblivious as to what I'd actually said because I was, you know, little. And I didn't just say it once. Oh no, I was so excited about seeing a big truck like that that I just kept saying so and pointing.
Needless to say, my mom left the store in a hurry.
I was sitting here, perusing this thread, thinking back on my life and about the fact that nothing really stands out as a very awkward story.
Well.
Yesterday there was a birthday card going around for a Tom, who's surprise birthday celebration was to happen today.
I work at a large organization, I've only been here a month and a half, and there are several Toms, it turns out. This Tom's last name or any sort of identification was not provided for this card signing ordeal. So I signed the card for the only Tom I've interacted with. I wrote thanks for the beer, I owe you a birthday beer, and I even drew a little beer mug.
Turns out it's the wrong Tom and I've never really spoken to the guy other than an occasional good morning, and ugh.
I was on the 21 in Minneapolis once (the 21 that Tom Waits wrote a song about) years ago before the area became very multicultural and nicer late at night going to a gallery opening (/haughty sniff) and this woman got on.
She was about 50, long stringy hair, tank top and shorts, no shoes. She didn't pay, got on with three guys, and immediately bullied an old lady out of the front seat by insisting in a drunken slur that "I'm handicapped! I'm handicapped!".
Once she sat down things calmed but then eventually she started getting in a fight with one of the guys so she stood up slapped the guy in the face, then started walking down the aisle and slapping everyone in the face in turn.
So I got off the bus before she reached me and walked the rest of the way.
Posts
Somebody blows their nose and you want to keep it?
Let's go with that (not the keeping part). Also a rice cooker, changes of clothes, hygiene stuff.
The radiology place I went to is right outside of Baltimore.
Like during Johnny Cage's fight intros.
Rai-diddy!
Rai-donkulous.
Rai-de-dental floss....
I was just in the restroom. Now... being 44, there are certain ailments I have, and I have to take metamucil and stool softeners. Not a pretty thing. However, sometimes... there are certain things I can't help. So I'm standing at the urinal, and let rip this long one. It goes on for about a minute. Up to this point, I had heard someone shuffling around in a stall, and after that, nothing. I go to wash my hands.
Then the toilet flushes, and the door opens up to see me standing there with the biggest grin on my face trying not to bust out laughing. Especially with the serious look he had on his face. I mean... I was in the right place for it.
Mom had no idea. Gwen did though. She's taken French all through school, but didn't say anything.
Yeah. See, its what Madeline calls Genevieve, her dog, in the cartoon show. Mom thought she was calling Gwen her little puppy. But apparently when you call a human girl that, it is no longer a term of endearment.
Only
I think it might have been her cat?
It's only been a couple of days she had off, I think I might have heard the name "Bruce" but I'm not sure
I gave her vague sympathy platitudes in the kitchen earlier but I didn't want to be too specific in case I got it wrong
My only hope is to either overhear something or never speak to her again
Just be nice and happy and distracting. She could very well just prefer not to have to think about it while at work.
Satans..... hints.....
Go me
I'm on the train home right now, still about 45 minutes out from my stop, and for the last 20 minutes I've had the extreme pleasure of listening to a super drunk guy tell anyone who makes eye contact about his colon problems. Now, if I had as numerous and severe colon problems as this guy, I would probably also be falling-down drunk by the early evening every day as well. But I would not tell people on the train about it! Because that is uncouth.
If he actually goes into the lavatory to experience a colon problem in real time, I think there might be a scuffle over which other passenger gets to barricade him in.
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades
He has had his forum name changed by mods occasionally, sometimes due to events that may or may not have taken place outside the forums. One such event resulted in his handle being altered to Drunkus Beaver for a little while.
God bless you, public transportation people everywhere.
I also spent one Christmas Eve day on a Greyhound that was 75% dudes who just got out of prison, but that was surprisingly boring. Mostly they just wanted to talk about how excited they were to get laid, or whether I had any weed.
Replace "Greyhound" with "Liberty Ferry" (when ships can't pull in pierside and anchor out in harbor, these little boats ferry sailors to/from shore) and replace weed with booze and the story is exactly the same.
Any time the PA system had an announcement, he started screaming at the speaker to shut up. Then the other guy on the train made the mistake of looking at him directly, and homeless guy started screaming about how the other guy was going to kill him and needed to fuck off. By the end of the ride I think he'd started hallucinating because he was arguing with the non-existent person in front of him about why he wasn't going to pick up his empty beer bottle because he was stupid and worthless, and going to murder the non-existent person along with the PA voice.
Then another time, I was taking the CTA down to work. This random white guy in his late thirties got up, walked over to me, and asked if I was in high school. I told him I wasn't. He asked, "really?" and I maintained I was not a high school student. (I was in college at the time.) So he said, "Never mind then," and changed cars. The group of black teens at the other side of the car started laughing about how "that was creepy as shit." I didn't disagree.
That sort of thing is the reason I prefer the metra.
But my favorite story is a little earlier when, you know, words just started to happen. My mom was in some kind of convenience store with me and a large semi-truck drove by, visible from the windows. So my mom points out and goes, "Hey, what's that?" And apparently, as loud as I could, I yelled,
"FUCK!"
The whole place went quiet as every eye in the room slowly started to move onto me, completely oblivious as to what I'd actually said because I was, you know, little. And I didn't just say it once. Oh no, I was so excited about seeing a big truck like that that I just kept saying so and pointing.
Needless to say, my mom left the store in a hurry.
Well.
Yesterday there was a birthday card going around for a Tom, who's surprise birthday celebration was to happen today.
I work at a large organization, I've only been here a month and a half, and there are several Toms, it turns out. This Tom's last name or any sort of identification was not provided for this card signing ordeal. So I signed the card for the only Tom I've interacted with. I wrote thanks for the beer, I owe you a birthday beer, and I even drew a little beer mug.
Turns out it's the wrong Tom and I've never really spoken to the guy other than an occasional good morning, and ugh.
Never personalize office birthday cards.
BF3 Battlelog | Twitter | World of Warships | World of Tanks | Wishlist
"Sir/Miss/Ma'am/Mx, I wish you a good and enjoyable celebration and prosperity in the future. Signed, your acquaintance."
She was about 50, long stringy hair, tank top and shorts, no shoes. She didn't pay, got on with three guys, and immediately bullied an old lady out of the front seat by insisting in a drunken slur that "I'm handicapped! I'm handicapped!".
Once she sat down things calmed but then eventually she started getting in a fight with one of the guys so she stood up slapped the guy in the face, then started walking down the aisle and slapping everyone in the face in turn.
So I got off the bus before she reached me and walked the rest of the way.
Hope you have a good summer!
"Stay cool!"
PSN/Steam/NNID: SyphonBlue | BNet: SyphonBlue#1126
I don't have any great ones myself
A ten year old punched me in the back of head and yelled Kill Whitey before getting off the bus once, I guess that's pretty good