Uh also she shared some of her own insecurities which I'm not going to share here, but suffice it to say I don't see these faults and I would like to encourage her without sounding like a mansplainer
But feel unsure as to how
Maybe that's something I should ask a more private circle of friends?
I actually asked her for a two word prompt a few days before the date when I hit a block and later shared the picture with her during coffee. She thought it was smart and I hope that hasn't led her to believe I'm a smart person.
Uh also she shared some of her own insecurities which I'm not going to share here, but suffice it to say I don't see these faults and I would like to encourage her without sounding like a mansplainer
But feel unsure as to how
Maybe that's something I should ask a more private circle of friends?
As a fellow man I might not be the best person to figure out how not to mansplain
But maybe just find a way to say that you like her for who she is? Don't downplay or dismiss her feelings but let her know that you think she's great? Don't tell her she's wrong, just tell her how you feel!
That's a good idea.
I did tell her I would try to get her to admit she's awesome the next time I see her?
Edit; either way, doing this here feels weird now so I'm going to stop, but thanks for the advice nonetheless
That's a good idea.
I did tell her I would try to get her to admit she's awesome the next time I see her?
Edit; either way, doing this here feels weird now so I'm going to stop, but thanks for the advice nonetheless
Everyone's different, but I reeeaally don't like it when an SO tries to get me to admit how awesome I am or how my insecurities don't exist or are silly (even in a playful way)
Rather than trying to get her to admit it, which can feel like pressure even if you're being light about it, maybe just tell her how you think she's awesome regardless
That's a good idea.
I did tell her I would try to get her to admit she's awesome the next time I see her?
Edit; either way, doing this here feels weird now so I'm going to stop, but thanks for the advice nonetheless
Everyone's different, but I reeeaally don't like it when an SO tries to get me to admit how awesome I am or how my insecurities don't exist or are silly (even in a playful way)
Rather than trying to get her to admit it, which can feel like pressure even if you're being light about it, maybe just tell her how you think she's awesome regardless
That's a good idea.
I did tell her I would try to get her to admit she's awesome the next time I see her?
Edit; either way, doing this here feels weird now so I'm going to stop, but thanks for the advice nonetheless
Everyone's different, but I reeeaally don't like it when an SO tries to get me to admit how awesome I am or how my insecurities don't exist or are silly (even in a playful way)
Rather than trying to get her to admit it, which can feel like pressure even if you're being light about it, maybe just tell her how you think she's awesome regardless
Oof yeah
Noted
Now what you can do, is note those insecurities and do what you can to be sensitive to them, or avoid calling attention to them when they crop up. As you get to know someone better, you can help them try to overcome them or be playful with them or whatever, but when you're first starting out your main focus should just be showing that you like them for what they are, warts and all - just like you would want from them. (This is phrased like sagely advice, but it's more just my own understanding and approach. Others are waaay better equipped to give useful advice than me.)
A few years ago I was getting ready to move to Japan, which meant selling or throwing out a bunch of my stuff. And eventually it wound up that the night before I had to leave, I still had more stuff in my apartment than I expected. Totally preventable, and it wasn't anything unmanageable for a reasonable, non-stressed person. I had my SO over to try and help me keep cool, but I ended up having what was probably a panic attack. I'd never, EVER lost my cool like that, and from her viewpoint it definitely wasn't anything to get upset over. But for me it was a big deal and I was really upset.
And she was throwing out stuff like "don't worry about it, it's not a big deal, it's not as bad as you think, I know you'll handle it and get it figured out."
Which, to a person in a normal state of mind, makes sense.
But to me, it only made things worse. Because I was worrying about it, and it was a big deal, and I had no idea how to handle it, and how could she not understand that?
And the reason I think that was a bad approach, is she was telling me how I should be feeling, and that what I was feeling was foolish and wrong, and why couldn't I just feel a different way?
So now if and when I run into that kind of situation with other people, I just try to let them know that I'm there for them and want to help them, and I still think they're great and what can I do to help?
My girlfriend and I like to pay ingress as we walk around downtown. It will lead you to some cool stuff and is a fun game to play. Then again, just walking and talking is also pretty great.
it's better than not hearing anything at all but man i really manage to make myself hate messaging someone on OKC
like they write back to me and it's a confidence boost
and then about an hour after i respond to them i just slowly convince myself that they're not going to say anything else because they're just trying to be moderately courteous but they're only going to humor me so much before they stop responding until i'm at the point I'm at now we're i'm just a nervous wreck
and then they'll answer me finally and I'll feel good again and the cycle starts up all over
I think I need to get crackin' on askin' this girl out just so I can stop this awful fuckin yo-yo of confidence and anxiety
My girlfriend and I like to pay ingress as we walk around downtown. It will lead you to some cool stuff and is a fun game to play. Then again, just walking and talking is also pretty great.
I'm trying to understand what this means but it is eluding me.
and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
but they're listening to every word I say
My girlfriend and I like to pay ingress as we walk around downtown. It will lead you to some cool stuff and is a fun game to play. Then again, just walking and talking is also pretty great.
I'm trying to understand what this means but it is eluding me.
It's an Android app, players set up nodes at landmarks using google maps and you travel to them to gain experience and control of an area. That's a really simple explanation, but in the capitol hill area of Seattle there are normally a few active players at any given time so you can coordinate mass take downs and stuff.
My girlfriend and I like to pay ingress as we walk around downtown. It will lead you to some cool stuff and is a fun game to play. Then again, just walking and talking is also pretty great.
I'm trying to understand what this means but it is eluding me.
It's an Android app, players set up nodes at landmarks using google maps and you travel to them to gain experience and control of an area. That's a really simple explanation, but in the capitol hill area of Seattle there are normally a few active players at any given time so you can coordinate mass take downs and stuff.
That makes more sense. I thought maybe it was some autocorrect issue. Turns out I'm just an unhip old.
and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
but they're listening to every word I say
Starbucks would be, like, my last choice if there were other shops available, but as a "safe, neutral place to meet someone in person for the first time" it should suffice.
That is the other problem what is a safe neutral place to meet for the first time even if it is a quick chat
Here
I mean I don't know of a "safe" place I would talk to someone I did not know
Posts
But feel unsure as to how
Maybe that's something I should ask a more private circle of friends?
As a fellow man I might not be the best person to figure out how not to mansplain
But maybe just find a way to say that you like her for who she is? Don't downplay or dismiss her feelings but let her know that you think she's great? Don't tell her she's wrong, just tell her how you feel!
http://www.audioentropy.com/
I did tell her I would try to get her to admit she's awesome the next time I see her?
Edit; either way, doing this here feels weird now so I'm going to stop, but thanks for the advice nonetheless
Whooooooops brain spiders crept in and now I can't shake the idea that she's just responding to me out of politeness
Which is monumentally silly because there's no impetus whatsoever to be polite on a dating site, if you don't like someone you just don't respond
And yet here we are!
http://www.audioentropy.com/
Everyone's different, but I reeeaally don't like it when an SO tries to get me to admit how awesome I am or how my insecurities don't exist or are silly (even in a playful way)
Rather than trying to get her to admit it, which can feel like pressure even if you're being light about it, maybe just tell her how you think she's awesome regardless
Oof yeah
Noted
Yeah, I always try to drag it out! I couldn't see myself meeting up with someone I didn't know pretty well already. I guess I'm a chicken. :P
Now what you can do, is note those insecurities and do what you can to be sensitive to them, or avoid calling attention to them when they crop up. As you get to know someone better, you can help them try to overcome them or be playful with them or whatever, but when you're first starting out your main focus should just be showing that you like them for what they are, warts and all - just like you would want from them. (This is phrased like sagely advice, but it's more just my own understanding and approach. Others are waaay better equipped to give useful advice than me.)
A few years ago I was getting ready to move to Japan, which meant selling or throwing out a bunch of my stuff. And eventually it wound up that the night before I had to leave, I still had more stuff in my apartment than I expected. Totally preventable, and it wasn't anything unmanageable for a reasonable, non-stressed person. I had my SO over to try and help me keep cool, but I ended up having what was probably a panic attack. I'd never, EVER lost my cool like that, and from her viewpoint it definitely wasn't anything to get upset over. But for me it was a big deal and I was really upset.
And she was throwing out stuff like "don't worry about it, it's not a big deal, it's not as bad as you think, I know you'll handle it and get it figured out."
Which, to a person in a normal state of mind, makes sense.
But to me, it only made things worse. Because I was worrying about it, and it was a big deal, and I had no idea how to handle it, and how could she not understand that?
And the reason I think that was a bad approach, is she was telling me how I should be feeling, and that what I was feeling was foolish and wrong, and why couldn't I just feel a different way?
So now if and when I run into that kind of situation with other people, I just try to let them know that I'm there for them and want to help them, and I still think they're great and what can I do to help?
It's not perfect, but it's been helpful so far.
We are shooting toward hanging out sometime later this week since I think I have a minor stomach bug or something.
We gotta try to come up with exactly what to do, but we are thinking a park if it's nice out or hanging out at our friends place.
it's better than not hearing anything at all but man i really manage to make myself hate messaging someone on OKC
like they write back to me and it's a confidence boost
and then about an hour after i respond to them i just slowly convince myself that they're not going to say anything else because they're just trying to be moderately courteous but they're only going to humor me so much before they stop responding until i'm at the point I'm at now we're i'm just a nervous wreck
and then they'll answer me finally and I'll feel good again and the cycle starts up all over
I think I need to get crackin' on askin' this girl out just so I can stop this awful fuckin yo-yo of confidence and anxiety
http://www.audioentropy.com/
I'm trying to understand what this means but it is eluding me.
but they're listening to every word I say
It's an Android app, players set up nodes at landmarks using google maps and you travel to them to gain experience and control of an area. That's a really simple explanation, but in the capitol hill area of Seattle there are normally a few active players at any given time so you can coordinate mass take downs and stuff.
That makes more sense. I thought maybe it was some autocorrect issue. Turns out I'm just an unhip old.
but they're listening to every word I say
GLOVE SLAP
SHUT YOUR BIIIG YAP
it is impossible to find time / schedule dates!
That's not a minor stomach bug. That's like.
Are you saying that liking someone makes you have the poops all weekend?
Satans..... hints.....
I am at the point in the conversation where one asks if they would like to meet and talk
Alas I don't know if I want to say it
Weight reduction to increase performance!
I would tell them that I'm torn.
I'm all out of faith.
This is how I feel.
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor.
Well, yeah, how else do you chat online?
Natalie Imbruglia or Sheryl Crow.
If they say Sheryl Crow, you ditch that fuckin' weirdo.
It's Starbucks pretty much
The virus of coffee shops
Here
I mean I don't know of a "safe" place I would talk to someone I did not know