I started doing the gnome achievement, and thought it would be entertaining to document my adventures with everyone porcelain midget. Watch as we laugh, as we cry and as we learn to love each other in:
Let's Play Episode 2: The Tale of the Gnome
To the Gnome Forest
Meet the Gnome:
The Gnome has always dreamed of going into space to establish the great Gnome civilisation on the moon, foretold by his ancestors. His fortuitous meeting with the Freeman finally inspired to leave his home and fulfil his dream.
The Gnome has many talents, he is the finder of resources:
He is the killer of enemies:
He is the breaker of barriers:
And above all, he is our steadfast companion. So, after his fateful meeting with the Freeman, the gnome and his companions travel onwards, towards the Gnome Forest. Despite head butting a dozen planks whilst travelling at about 30 miles and hour, the gnome remains unhurt.
The brave heroes are attacked by many antlions when they reach their passage is blocked by a gate. The Gnome dispatches these with ease.
You do not fuck with The Gnome. The Freeman goes to open the gate whilst The Gnome keeps watch. The Freeman opens the gate with ease and is about to rejoin The Gnome as they conti-
"HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!
"Holy Shit, Holy Shit, Holy Shit. That thing nearly killed him, oh my god. This is worse than the time I had to drop my best friend into that incinerator. Oh my god what do I do? The Vortigaunt. They'll be able to help, they have...magic and shit. Who the fuck cares, gotta save The Gnome. He'd do it for me!"
"Ok Gnome, you wait here while I grab this Crowbar and we'll be on our waAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
"This is going to be harder than I thought...You ok Gnome?
Knowing the Gnome has some Irish blood, The Freeman decides that he needs to get more alcohol into his bloodstream! Luckily, they find a conveniently placed stash of booze (Probably some Zombie Hobos.)
After a quick drinking session, The Gnome is back up on his feet and The Freeman is so drunk he's hearing voices threatening to stab him. By the time his HEV suit has removed the 'toxins' The Gnome has lost a pint or so of blood.
Luckily for our heroes, the Gnome has managed to find us some heat. Now The Freeman is packing. Somewhere in the background he hears a hip-hop beat and has a strange desire to 'cap some bitches'. The moment quickly passes.
Despite being exceptionally drunk, unarmed and a couple of pints of blood short, The Gnome still kicks ass. Must be the blood of Irish. Which is odd, because he's made out of porcelain.
"Hey Gnome, can you swim?"
"Do you even need air?"
The Gnome drunkenly staggers into a web. After a panic filled moment searching for giant spiders, The Freeman realises that this web was made by one of the Antlions. Laughing at both his foolishness and his small, Irish companion's increasingly frustrated attempts to free himself, The Freeman uses his Gravity Gun to clear a path.
" The Freeman notes they're only slightly smaller than his.
"What ya buying...stranger
"An excellent choice stranger. Heh heh heh."
The Gnome's extensive arsenal is starting to get slightly worrying. Just how much shit does he have under that hat. I swear, if halfway through the game it turns out there's a headcrab under there and he betrays me I'm gonna be annoyed.
...ok, now you're just getting fucking ridiculous
"Hey Gnome, where'd you go? Gnome? Oh fuck. THE GNOME IS GETTING SUCKED INTO THAT HUGE, GAPING VAGINA!"
After rescuing the Gnome from the fearsome alien vagina, our heroic duo journey on, still slightly drunk, in search of some Vortigaunt to heal the Gnome's fatal wounds.
This Gnomal Coil
(You try making a witty name out of that.)