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[Camp Comic] Tuesday, August 25, 2015 - Campfire Stories #3
Dog
Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
[Camp Comic] Tuesday, August 25, 2015 - Campfire Stories #3
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I am only critiquing how the story was told. I think this story could have been told better, as it feels very abrupt. The other two stories feel very fleshed out with plenty of detail and narrative to make you interested. This feels like there's a hanging "and..." lingering there, waiting to finish the story or provide more to the story.
Maybe the author could have talked about that conversation. What was it like? Did you both know before either of you said anything? In typical media, there are few to no well told coming out stories. Here was a chance for the author to get that across.
Brian started with "we were both introverts," and glossed over one moment that overcame the fears of introverts (actually talking about themselves) and the fear of many gay individuals (coming out to someone). Obviously you did not let the other counselors know, so you were trusting this one person. As a fellow introvert, that trust (for any personal thing) is a HUGE step. Unless I'm missing the point of the story, it was that Brian found somebody to come out to, talk about it with and Brian needed them. However, the biggest points of the story were stated in about two sentences.
This is my story and it was my actual experience. Yeah, sorry, I'm not a writer (in fact, the first thing I told them before writing it was that and sorry if it sucked) and was trying to keep it as brief as possible to keep it under the word limit for submissions.
Yeah, I was just trying to setup that we kept everything to ourselves while also giving some insight to what drew us together. She absolutely loved fantasy and could talk to me for hours on end about one series's dragons. I have a pretty dark sense of humor and she was the only one who got it.
As far as coming out, we lived in a very conservative area and it was something we had to keep secret from everyone. I went to a religious school, one that still bans the evil gays, and while she went to a public school her parents would not have been supportive. So we covered for each other for a long time when we could.
It just sort of happened one night. It was the most freeing moment of at least my life. There were probably tells for me, because I was relentlessly bullied for everything from my looks to voice to not being into sports and called gay constantly. For her, I'm not sure, she just seemed like any girl to me, but I have a tendency to be oblivious. She was and is stronger than me and if I hadn't met her, I probably wouldn't be here today.
Thanks again! Maybe I can steal an image from this to make an avatar!
There, I said it.
Nevertheless, nice story!
Just wanted to pop in real quick and say I loved Brian's story, and while it was shorter than the previous two, that's how he wanted to tell it, and it worked for me. We sent out the call for campfire stories to everyone, not just writers, and I think the differences in how people share their memories is important to having these be interesting.
Agreed
They were? How did everyone else comment?
I think all of the PA forums were down for a while.
@Hegemon, there's the reason the comments may have seemed locked.
Nope, I also only comment on the webcomic page. It's way more convenient for me to do so. It just sucks that I can't quote people unless I go to the penny arcade forums.
Yeah, I'm still good friends with a lot of people from my camp I go to. Half of my FB contacts are made up of people from this one camp I attend annually and I look through my list and think "who's this person? Oh yeah....."