Hey @Cambiata its really lovely to hear you've found someone so nice you're moving in with.
+5
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
Got to act as sort of a mediator between my best friend and her new-ish boyfriend at a get together last night. Everything was fine until he overreacted to a conversation beat and loudly starting accused her of lying about a situation he was kind of making up out of his emotional state.
I don't want to give any strong opinions to her on the matter and let her decide for herself...but less than a month into a relationship and fights happening is a very bad thing, right?
Oh hey I have direct experience with this exact scenario!
She should get the fuck out right now!
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
+10
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Dyshow am I even using this gunRegistered Userregular
Got to act as sort of a mediator between my best friend and her new-ish boyfriend at a get together last night. Everything was fine until he overreacted to a conversation beat and loudly starting accused her of lying about a situation he was kind of making up out of his emotional state.
I don't want to give any strong opinions to her on the matter and let her decide for herself...but less than a month into a relationship and fights happening is a very bad thing, right?
Oh hey I have direct experience with this exact scenario!
She should get the fuck out right now!
Yeah, I'm probably going to voice my opinion that she should do that, then.
The issue was something so inconsequential, too. Details in the spoiler so I'm not being vague or accidentally making this sound worse than it is.
There were about seven of us at a bonfire at my friend's house, and when the only guy there that smokes pot offered her a hit, she said yes for the sake of "why not." She has maybe tried pot once or twice years ago, and has never regularly smoked anything. The new boyfriend of hers had been knew this.
Said new boyfriend proceeded to storm off without saying anything. She caught up to him to see if he was okay, and while they were definitely within earshot of the group he starts his loud argument, with his cause being "You told me you don't smoke. What the fuck else are you lying to me about."
The guys got some trust issues from a number of past relationships ending due to him being cheated on, but still. The whole thing could have been handled way differently and much better.
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CambiataCommander ShepardThe likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered Userregular
My boyfriend is looking for work, as I mentioned before, but he's specifically trying to find work he can do remotely (he's a programmer, so it's not hard to find such work)... Because he's hopefully going to be able to move here! We're sort of pencilling in next year as when that's likely to happen, but he's also keeping an eye out for work over here that would be sufficient for him as well.
So that's pretty exciting! A way off, indeed, but we've talked about it as a serious inevitability and something that we want to do!
Got to act as sort of a mediator between my best friend and her new-ish boyfriend at a get together last night. Everything was fine until he overreacted to a conversation beat and loudly starting accused her of lying about a situation he was kind of making up out of his emotional state.
I don't want to give any strong opinions to her on the matter and let her decide for herself...but less than a month into a relationship and fights happening is a very bad thing, right?
Oh hey I have direct experience with this exact scenario!
She should get the fuck out right now!
Yeah, I'm probably going to voice my opinion that she should do that, then.
The issue was something so inconsequential, too. Details in the spoiler so I'm not being vague or accidentally making this sound worse than it is.
There were about seven of us at a bonfire at my friend's house, and when the only guy there that smokes pot offered her a hit, she said yes for the sake of "why not." She has maybe tried pot once or twice years ago, and has never regularly smoked anything. The new boyfriend of hers had been knew this.
Said new boyfriend proceeded to storm off without saying anything. She caught up to him to see if he was okay, and while they were definitely within earshot of the group he starts his loud argument, with his cause being "You told me you don't smoke. What the fuck else are you lying to me about."
The guys got some trust issues from a number of past relationships ending due to him being cheated on, but still. The whole thing could have been handled way differently and much better.
as somebody who doesn't smoke pot, that seems pretty needlessly agressive. at the least.
So I'm getting ready for my second date. My mom still hasn't accepted that fact I'm not just dating men so I didn't tell her today I'm going with a lady so she's been warning me to be careful and safe and telling me horror stories about serial killers.... =.= what a lovely way to start off a second date!
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StraightziHere we may reign secure, and in my choice,To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered Userregular
I spent a lot of time talking about serial killers on my second date too! We discussed the contrast between the legacy of Jack the Ripper and HH Holmes (also a bit on the Zodiac killer, I think). It was really inter-
Wait, I think you're talking about something different.
My mom was warning me about serial killers Me and my date have talked about a bunch of ghost stuff and scary things though about pokemon, she's fun to talk to I totally forgot how creepy some pokemon lore is....
Life is complicated, Love Thread. I decided to give a tentative yes to opening up our relationship after a lot of talk.
I'm not sure if I'm making the right decisions or not. I don't really know if this will work for me or if it will turn me into a paranoid wreck.
But I figure it's better to know sooner rather than later. I trust my fiance and I love her and I want this to improve our life together.
But still, even though I can identify a lot of my emotions as being rooted in crappy patriarchal upbringing, they're still there. So I'm excruciatingly nervous and I have no idea what I'm going to do with this new situation.
Life is complicated, Love Thread. I decided to give a tentative yes to opening up our relationship after a lot of talk.
I'm not sure if I'm making the right decisions or not. I don't really know if this will work for me or if it will turn me into a paranoid wreck.
But I figure it's better to know sooner rather than later. I trust my fiance and I love her and I want this to improve our life together.
But still, even though I can identify a lot of my emotions as being rooted in crappy patriarchal upbringing, they're still there. So I'm excruciatingly nervous and I have no idea what I'm going to do with this new situation.
Yay for love?
Just make sure you're being honest with yourself and being true to her about how you feel about the situation. If you find that you aren't into it, you need to talk to her about it. I went through a very similar thing in my last relationship.
Life is complicated, Love Thread. I decided to give a tentative yes to opening up our relationship after a lot of talk.
I'm not sure if I'm making the right decisions or not. I don't really know if this will work for me or if it will turn me into a paranoid wreck.
But I figure it's better to know sooner rather than later. I trust my fiance and I love her and I want this to improve our life together.
But still, even though I can identify a lot of my emotions as being rooted in crappy patriarchal upbringing, they're still there. So I'm excruciatingly nervous and I have no idea what I'm going to do with this new situation.
Yay for love?
This is one thing where you really have to continue to be honest with yourself and your partner through everything, because it's not worth making yourself miserable to make someone else happy. Support your partner, but trust that they probably also want what's best for you, just as much as you want what's best for them, so don't try and bottle everything up for their sake. Unfortunately, there's a very real chance that this difference between you may just result in deciding that you're both better off not being together.
@Dys the new guy was probably justified in his....apprehension (we'll go with that), but his reaction was both too big and too soon. A measured, delayed (like at another time) response of "hey so you said this and I noticed that and I was just wondering...sup?" would have been a perfectly reasonable reaction.
This guy's acting like he's in a soap opera. That way lies disaster.
Got to act as sort of a mediator between my best friend and her new-ish boyfriend at a get together last night. Everything was fine until he overreacted to a conversation beat and loudly starting accused her of lying about a situation he was kind of making up out of his emotional state.
I don't want to give any strong opinions to her on the matter and let her decide for herself...but less than a month into a relationship and fights happening is a very bad thing, right?
Oh hey I have direct experience with this exact scenario!
She should get the fuck out right now!
Yeah, I'm probably going to voice my opinion that she should do that, then.
The issue was something so inconsequential, too. Details in the spoiler so I'm not being vague or accidentally making this sound worse than it is.
There were about seven of us at a bonfire at my friend's house, and when the only guy there that smokes pot offered her a hit, she said yes for the sake of "why not." She has maybe tried pot once or twice years ago, and has never regularly smoked anything. The new boyfriend of hers had been knew this.
Said new boyfriend proceeded to storm off without saying anything. She caught up to him to see if he was okay, and while they were definitely within earshot of the group he starts his loud argument, with his cause being "You told me you don't smoke. What the fuck else are you lying to me about."
The guys got some trust issues from a number of past relationships ending due to him being cheated on, but still. The whole thing could have been handled way differently and much better.
I can't explain why I'm putting this in a spoiler I just sometimes feel more comfortable with my serious posts in a spoiler.
IMO he'd need to vehemently apologize and she'd have to put a lot of trust that it won't turn out to be any sort of regular thing
That reaction is just crazily disproportionate to the issue at hand and if that's just how he handles shit when he gets insecure that's a giant problem and could lead to worse things down the road
A lot of people I love very much were the victims of abuse (verbal, emotional, physical, sexual) and that's not shit I play around with.
In your exact situation, if this girl were my friend, I would say unless he's super amazing and seems super remorseful and is willing to reflect on his shit and how it affects her then that's just gonna end up toxic for her and she can certainly find someone more in control of themselves and their emotions
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
Got to act as sort of a mediator between my best friend and her new-ish boyfriend at a get together last night. Everything was fine until he overreacted to a conversation beat and loudly starting accused her of lying about a situation he was kind of making up out of his emotional state.
I don't want to give any strong opinions to her on the matter and let her decide for herself...but less than a month into a relationship and fights happening is a very bad thing, right?
Oh hey I have direct experience with this exact scenario!
She should get the fuck out right now!
Yeah, I'm probably going to voice my opinion that she should do that, then.
The issue was something so inconsequential, too. Details in the spoiler so I'm not being vague or accidentally making this sound worse than it is.
There were about seven of us at a bonfire at my friend's house, and when the only guy there that smokes pot offered her a hit, she said yes for the sake of "why not." She has maybe tried pot once or twice years ago, and has never regularly smoked anything. The new boyfriend of hers had been knew this.
Said new boyfriend proceeded to storm off without saying anything. She caught up to him to see if he was okay, and while they were definitely within earshot of the group he starts his loud argument, with his cause being "You told me you don't smoke. What the fuck else are you lying to me about."
The guys got some trust issues from a number of past relationships ending due to him being cheated on, but still. The whole thing could have been handled way differently and much better.
See that's what I thought of the first few fights with the guy I was with too. Just an emotional outburst, under a lot of stress, etc. I am liberal with the benefit of the doubt and quick to forgive that kind of thing and holy hell did that set me up for bad things.
It starts with getting disproportionately upset about what could easily be deemed a misinterpretation of a remark or situation, catching you off guard. It slowly turns into huge fights about something you said or didn't say that you shouldn't have or should have, respectively, depending on what he's trying to be angry about. It will always be a hugely disproportionate response to something in some way imagined in the first place that you have no way of proving.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
+3
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HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
Got to act as sort of a mediator between my best friend and her new-ish boyfriend at a get together last night. Everything was fine until he overreacted to a conversation beat and loudly starting accused her of lying about a situation he was kind of making up out of his emotional state.
I don't want to give any strong opinions to her on the matter and let her decide for herself...but less than a month into a relationship and fights happening is a very bad thing, right?
Oh hey I have direct experience with this exact scenario!
She should get the fuck out right now!
Yeah, I'm probably going to voice my opinion that she should do that, then.
The issue was something so inconsequential, too. Details in the spoiler so I'm not being vague or accidentally making this sound worse than it is.
There were about seven of us at a bonfire at my friend's house, and when the only guy there that smokes pot offered her a hit, she said yes for the sake of "why not." She has maybe tried pot once or twice years ago, and has never regularly smoked anything. The new boyfriend of hers had been knew this.
Said new boyfriend proceeded to storm off without saying anything. She caught up to him to see if he was okay, and while they were definitely within earshot of the group he starts his loud argument, with his cause being "You told me you don't smoke. What the fuck else are you lying to me about."
The guys got some trust issues from a number of past relationships ending due to him being cheated on, but still. The whole thing could have been handled way differently and much better.
I can't explain why I'm putting this in a spoiler I just sometimes feel more comfortable with my serious posts in a spoiler.
IMO he'd need to vehemently apologize and she'd have to put a lot of trust that it won't turn out to be any sort of regular thing
That reaction is just crazily disproportionate to the issue at hand and if that's just how he handles shit when he gets insecure that's a giant problem and could lead to worse things down the road
A lot of people I love very much were the victims of abuse (verbal, emotional, physical, sexual) and that's not shit I play around with.
In your exact situation, if this girl were my friend, I would say unless he's super amazing and seems super remorseful and is willing to reflect on his shit and how it affects her then that's just gonna end up toxic for her and she can certainly find someone more in control of themselves and their emotions
Yeah this sending up huge red flags. "He has trust issues because of a previous relationship" is a common excuse used by a certain type of person, as a way to make their partner "prove" that they're trustworthy. If there were any way to talk to the previous partner and get her side, that would probably be illuminating.
"If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
I'm not doing as well with this whole breakup thing as I initially hoped I would.
I'm kind of ashamed to say it but I just feel like somebody took the wind out of my sails. I know it's only been a week and I'm sure that's within the usual time frame for post breakup sads but god this is such a polar opposite of how I usually am it's gotten to the point where people at work are starting to ask me what's up and it's not really something I'm gonna talk about.
Plus I keep seeing her and everytime she walks past me it's like somebody kicked me in the stomach.
I loved loving somebody but goddamn this is not something I particularly want to set myself up for again in the future.
Edit: so I'm contributing something to the thread other than mopes; yeah, I agree with everybody else's current opinion. The fact he'd make such a huge deal out of something while still very much in front of everybody else shows some underlying issues that will absolutely crop up again in the future. She needs to be vurry wary of proceeding.
it feels like all these profiles read so similarly. it's all the same amalgamation of hang out with friends/traveling/watching netflix and I don't find it very interesting so I hardly ever can message anyone.
Ugh my family needs to back off. I just want to date and move on with my life. I've been stuck in the past for months and I'm really over it and tired at this point. I had a good time on the date though, untill I got home.... =.=
Just... very eager for the next few days to be over. And then to maybe move to like, a cave and become a hermit or something. While bringing my cat with me and also an internet connection.
Just... very eager for the next few days to be over. And then to maybe move to like, a cave and become a hermit or something. While bringing my cat with me and also an internet connection.
Just... very eager for the next few days to be over. And then to maybe move to like, a cave and become a hermit or something. While bringing my cat with me and also an internet connection.
Some days, you just gotta be sad. Sorry you're having such a rough time though. Hope things turn around soon.
Posts
I could do better
What'd you get?
Oh hey I have direct experience with this exact scenario!
She should get the fuck out right now!
Yeah, I'm probably going to voice my opinion that she should do that, then.
The issue was something so inconsequential, too. Details in the spoiler so I'm not being vague or accidentally making this sound worse than it is.
Said new boyfriend proceeded to storm off without saying anything. She caught up to him to see if he was okay, and while they were definitely within earshot of the group he starts his loud argument, with his cause being "You told me you don't smoke. What the fuck else are you lying to me about."
The guys got some trust issues from a number of past relationships ending due to him being cheated on, but still. The whole thing could have been handled way differently and much better.
Thanks! We've actually been living together since he came to visit in... April was it? Strikor came to visit and neither of us wanted him to leave.
My boyfriend is looking for work, as I mentioned before, but he's specifically trying to find work he can do remotely (he's a programmer, so it's not hard to find such work)... Because he's hopefully going to be able to move here! We're sort of pencilling in next year as when that's likely to happen, but he's also keeping an eye out for work over here that would be sufficient for him as well.
So that's pretty exciting! A way off, indeed, but we've talked about it as a serious inevitability and something that we want to do!
as somebody who doesn't smoke pot, that seems pretty needlessly agressive. at the least.
Wait, I think you're talking about something different.
I'm not sure if I'm making the right decisions or not. I don't really know if this will work for me or if it will turn me into a paranoid wreck.
But I figure it's better to know sooner rather than later. I trust my fiance and I love her and I want this to improve our life together.
But still, even though I can identify a lot of my emotions as being rooted in crappy patriarchal upbringing, they're still there. So I'm excruciatingly nervous and I have no idea what I'm going to do with this new situation.
Yay for love?
.222 Kriegeskorte & Co with a scope. Babby's first big boy rifle.
Absurdly expensive, super nerdy, and repurposed car part.
but they're listening to every word I say
Just make sure you're being honest with yourself and being true to her about how you feel about the situation. If you find that you aren't into it, you need to talk to her about it. I went through a very similar thing in my last relationship.
ineedmayo.com Eidolon Journal Updated
This is one thing where you really have to continue to be honest with yourself and your partner through everything, because it's not worth making yourself miserable to make someone else happy. Support your partner, but trust that they probably also want what's best for you, just as much as you want what's best for them, so don't try and bottle everything up for their sake. Unfortunately, there's a very real chance that this difference between you may just result in deciding that you're both better off not being together.
This guy's acting like he's in a soap opera. That way lies disaster.
I can't explain why I'm putting this in a spoiler I just sometimes feel more comfortable with my serious posts in a spoiler.
That reaction is just crazily disproportionate to the issue at hand and if that's just how he handles shit when he gets insecure that's a giant problem and could lead to worse things down the road
A lot of people I love very much were the victims of abuse (verbal, emotional, physical, sexual) and that's not shit I play around with.
In your exact situation, if this girl were my friend, I would say unless he's super amazing and seems super remorseful and is willing to reflect on his shit and how it affects her then that's just gonna end up toxic for her and she can certainly find someone more in control of themselves and their emotions
See that's what I thought of the first few fights with the guy I was with too. Just an emotional outburst, under a lot of stress, etc. I am liberal with the benefit of the doubt and quick to forgive that kind of thing and holy hell did that set me up for bad things.
Hugs, bro.
Some of these are beautiful
I'm kind of ashamed to say it but I just feel like somebody took the wind out of my sails. I know it's only been a week and I'm sure that's within the usual time frame for post breakup sads but god this is such a polar opposite of how I usually am it's gotten to the point where people at work are starting to ask me what's up and it's not really something I'm gonna talk about.
Plus I keep seeing her and everytime she walks past me it's like somebody kicked me in the stomach.
I loved loving somebody but goddamn this is not something I particularly want to set myself up for again in the future.
Edit: so I'm contributing something to the thread other than mopes; yeah, I agree with everybody else's current opinion. The fact he'd make such a huge deal out of something while still very much in front of everybody else shows some underlying issues that will absolutely crop up again in the future. She needs to be vurry wary of proceeding.
Just... very eager for the next few days to be over. And then to maybe move to like, a cave and become a hermit or something. While bringing my cat with me and also an internet connection.
3DS Friend Code: 0216-0898-6512
Switch Friend Code: SW-7437-1538-7786
bro emoji
Some days, you just gotta be sad. Sorry you're having such a rough time though. Hope things turn around soon.
how do I even choose
is green anime fabio an option?
3DS Friend Code: 0216-0898-6512
Switch Friend Code: SW-7437-1538-7786
the Lovely Day I gave that post is for when that day happens and no sooner
3DS Friend Code: 0216-0898-6512
Switch Friend Code: SW-7437-1538-7786