relationship advice please

jocelyne.zaragozajocelyne.zaragoza Registered User new member
My boyfriend of three years and I were on break in December while I went on vacation to Mexico just last month... we agreed it was the best thing to do because we were becoming a little unhealthy and we really loved each other. Throughout the 3 weeks i was there, we didnt really talk. we had a snapchat streak and we sent a snap a day or he flirted with me or vice versa but thats all. The day i came back, i went to his house at night to talk to him about how things were going. We agreed the break was working in ways we couldnt understand and kept it like that. A week later, MLK day, i went to his house to hang out as friends. He told me that he wanted the break to end but for us to take it slow and not rush back into the whole "babe" thing. we ended up losing it to each other and it was a great night. i went home, he texted me all night and the next day too. but the third day after he started getting busy and didnt text back anymore and i acccepted that but then he started to question if i had called another guy babe during our break and i said no because i only loved him. This past thursday while i was at disney with my best friend trying to get my mind off of things, he says we need to talk and to come over. So i did. He said we need time to heal so he said that we are going to break up. That way we can mature and grow up. He then went on to say, "im only saying this because i mean it, but when we get older and were husband and wife and we have problems, is how you acted before how you're going to act for everything?" and he gave me a hug and told me that it would only be for a month or maybe two and that he still loved me and that his family loved me and this was for the best" and promised there would be no one else that this break up was for us

is it wrong to be upset even if he said this? He has always been a man of his words and i believe he would not be unloyal to me under any circumstances. he deleted our cute captions under our pictures on instagram and we lost our snapchat streak.

im sorry this is long, i just dont know what to do...

Darkewolfe

Posts

  • MulletudeMulletude Registered User regular
    edited January 2016
    Of course it is ok to feel upset after a breakup.

    Try to focus on you now. And I wouldn't hang onto the idea you will eventually be married. You guys broke up for a reason. Don't let him paralyze you with those thoughts. Get out with friends, do things for yourself.

    If in a months time you really want back in, ok. But if not, do not feel you have to or are obligated to.

    Mulletude on
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  • V1mV1m Registered User regular
    If I had no morals and I was chasing after another girl, but I wasn't 100% sure it would work out so it would be handy to keep you around as a parachute relationship, then I might well do exactly this.

    He's basically split up with you twice now. A relationship can survive 1 breakup, but 2, not usually. I were you, I'd start looking after myself and set my own agenda.

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  • EncEnc A Fool with Compassion The Land of Flowers (and Dragons)Registered User regular
    As others have said, by your language and other threads I assume you are young and dating (and probably that this is the first person you have dated). Do not think about marriage. It is not something that should even be in your vocabulary until you are more concerned about things like tax witholdings than if your spouse called someone else "Babe" or any other term of endearment. Marriage isn't something you should need or want to rush in to, and generally speaking in the modern relationship shouldn't be a thing to consider until both you and your spouse have been on your own, working, and have had your own places (and then later move in together) for a goodly long time.

    That said, this guy is pretty clearly wanting to play the field and is worried that holding on to his first relationship might not be the best thing long term. And, generally speaking, he is probably right. You should be upset! Breakups suck and are emotionally devestating, but holding a candle for this fellow is not good for you at all. Especially given your other thread talking about your first time. If this guy got back together with you, slept with you, then bailed that is pretty much the worst thing ever and you should avoid this person like the plague.

    My advice: forget about relationships entirely for the moment. Focus on being awesome for yourself. Do the things you want to do, go to the places you want to go. Meet new people. Don't hold out for this guy coming back and, if he does, I would probably suggest saying no until at least 6 months or more have passed and then it should be your decision if you ever want to give him the time of day again.

    Don't go looking for a rebound, either. Just go out there and be yourself and focus on you. If you stumble into another person you click with (and you will eventually) take it from there.

    MysstOrthanckime
  • seasleepyseasleepy Registered User regular
    It seems like your ex doesn't respect you at all.

    1) Being on a break means you are broken up for that time (with a window to get back together). I know nothing happened, but he does not have the right to dictate what you do during that time.
    2) What he told you before your second break-up is super super patronizing. Like, holy shit. Given what you've said, he clearly has a lot of growing up to do as well. Putting this all on you is a really awful thing to do.

    He gave you a gift by breaking up with you, run the heck away with it.

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  • MaggieTheCatMaggieTheCat Registered User regular
    seasleepy wrote: »
    2) What he told you before your second break-up is super super patronizing. Like, holy shit.

    Basically this. This guy sounds like one of my exes who I dated for a while when we were both in high school. At the time, he was the best thing that ever happened to me and he said almost these exact words (what the OP is saying her ex told her) when we broke up. I held on to the hope we would get back together someday...we never did, and as I got older, I realized what an absolute jerk the guy was.

    I'm sorry you're going through this. I really am. I know, first hand, how hard and painful it is. I also know that there probably isn't a whole lot that can be said that is going to help right now. Just know that 1) no, it's not wrong at all to be hurt by what he said -- what he said was extremely hurtful and 2) things will get better with time and 3) you totally don't need a person like this in your life.

    MulletudeOrthanc
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