Trigger discovery, need advice on how best to calm down.

Enc · February 2016

So, I discovered that I have my own trigger warning thing today. Those that have seen my posts around here may know I've lost family and friends during multiple active shooting situations. Today we watched a workplace "preparing for a school shooting" video and seeing several scenes which were pretty close to how I've lost people just... snapped something in me. I held it together during the presentation but spent the last hour quietly crying/freaking out in my office.

Anyone else deal with these things? How do you go about it? How do you calm down from them?

darkmayo · February 2016

wow.. hmmm I have advice but not sure how well it scales up from that sort of experience.

my recent issue stems from me and my wife not being able to have kids, and having depression and fits of weeping from seeing my brother and his wife just giving birth to a lovely baby girl and sadly all the pictures of them with the child. Was all good until a shot of my bro and his new daughter popped up.. and that crushed me. Luckily it was the end of the day and I headed home, stifled cries and tears while trying to get my mind to switch gears and think of something else. got home, fired up some games, ordered a pizza and let my brain focus on something else, gave myself time let the wife know that i'm not ok right now and then avoided seeing the photo.

I find that it helps to get your brain on something else as quickly as possible. Remove yourself from whatever is causing the trigger and then focus on something else.

Of course that is avoiding the whole thing, which helps in the short term but long term you probably will want to talk to someone about it. I am guessing your reaction to the trigger was a surprise?

Fuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud · February 2016

I had friends who endured the VT shootings. I think you definitely have some post-traumatic stress. Therapy can really help with that.

Enc · February 2016

It was, I've had bouts of depression about human nature and the shit I've seen done in my family and friend circle (my sister has been mugged with a gun, which was shot at her and her car at the end, several of my friends were killed in a premeditated home invasion (which is where this trigger came from as they showed a couple hiding in a bathroom and getting shot, which is what happened to them), an uncle went bonkers and killed my grandfather, nearly killed my grandmother, then went household to household trying to kill the rest of us, my father has threatened violence to me and my mom on multiple occurances, we've had drug overdose deaths and fistfights and property theft and worse).

Thing is, generally speaking, aside from coping by buying a house and never, ever leaving it aside from food and work and occasional nights out with friends, I generally do ok. I have my safeish place and I just assume that one day I'll probably be killed in a school shooting by a disgruntled student I've never met or by police responding or, thanks to living in Florida, by some asshat with open carry on campus trying to be a hero during said shootout. I've been sort of fine with that reality.

I know that the odds of being in such a thing are slim to none... but having seen the amount of shit happen to my upper-middle class suburban family in a "safe neighborhood" I know that there is no such thing as real safety and you just have to live with anonymity and awareness being your only shield. I've dealt with this, maybe not fine, but functionally until today.

Today I just started shaking and crying and I never cry unless its some sappy thing like Lifetime Movies or children's cartoons where you see people doing kind things to people (and then out of it being touching and rare). This was something altogether different.

I guess I should go see therapy. Lord knows I've suggested it often enough here. Might as well take the advice.

bowen · February 2016

:bro:

joshofalltrades · February 2016

I have a lot of anxiety and panic attacks which can be triggered by even thinking about certain things, and what really helped me is progressive muscle relaxation and deep, calm breathing techniques. Your body responds to biofeedback, and actively making an attempt to slow your breathing and concentrate on tensing and relaxing different muscle groups. It also helps to consciously focus on something that is relaxing to you. My therapist did this with me for a few months, and I recorded a couple of sessions of her walking me through the process so I could listen to it myself later on. Eventually you get better at it and can do it virtually anywhere without having vocal prompting.

I would definitely attend therapy and see if those are something that might help you. Exercising also helps; yoga is sort of a natural fit for anxious people because the breathing is part of it and it's not too cardio-heavy.

Gnizmo · February 2016

Go to therapy. I can't begin to stress how useful this will be for you. I say this as a person scarred by "second hand trauma" and as a person in the mental health field. Panic attacks of that severity are nothing to fool with.

Short term things that help are abundant. Personal favorite is forts. I think especially with you. Heavy blankets over the back also great. Excercise and breathing are also extremely useful.

An app I like is called "Anxiety Release based on EMDR" made by Mark Grant. Costs like $5 I think? Well worth the cost. I cannot stress enough to do this in a safe place with some time to come down. This is also not a replacement for therapy so much as a tool to help. I know I put too many disclaimers but professional hazard I guess? Its a good tool if it works is the point.

NOT DIAGNOSING but PTSD is both serious and can take time to manifest. It could be a dozen other anxiety related issues or not. It could be anything. If it is though it is worth noting that there will be this odd draw to your triggers. I will guess you knew something was off before the end of the video but couldn't stop? That is normal and ok. Learn from mistakes and be proactive in recruiting friends to shield you from it for at least a little while. It helps. Probably true of a lot of other trigger type situations but I have no personal experience with them.

bowen · February 2016

Also, it's okay to cry or be sad about this stuff. So if you do happen to be triggered by something, it's okay.

Enc · February 2016

Yeah, I got no stigma about doing it, I just never feel the urge generally. That's what makes it so weird.

I'm home with my wife and feeling better. Going to contact campus counseling later this week to see what options they have for faculty and staff.

Enc · April 2016

We are having an active shooter situation right now. All of us are safe but locked down. Our building is secure and the police have the situation contained. Wife is safe in her building as well. But goddamn, like two months.

Goddamn it.

dispatch.o · April 2016

Function for now. Focus on safety. Talk to a professional with crisis management as soon as an evacuation happens and you and your wife are safe. The police should have someone available for this exact problem.

azith28 · April 2016

Where was this? Don't see anything on the news so im curious.

Paladin · April 2016

bowen wrote: »

Also, it's okay to cry or be sad about this stuff. So if you do happen to be triggered by something, it's okay.

If it is PTSD, adjustment disorder, or something in between, there does need to be change. But this looks a lot like natural grieving too. Going to a therapist is as much for diagnosis as treatment, so keep that in mind.

Enc · April 2016

azith28 wrote: »

Where was this? Don't see anything on the news so im curious.

University of Central Florida, turns out it was all about incompetence and racism rather than an actual shooting. A muslim girl studying for her finals tomorrow stepped away from her books to pray in the library stairwell, which is one of the only places in the library that has windows. Its a pretty big, wide are where she could do her thing and not block traffic. Naturally, some stupid kid saw her praying on the stairwell in her hijab and assumed she was a shooter getting ready to kill everyone and posted it to social media, which then caused our extremely overwrought UCF Department of Emergency Services to issue a class one alert and mobilize our police of an active shooter situation, causing a lockdown.

Then, once officers were on sight, one accidentally misfired his weapon, causing further panic.

Campus followed our extremely well drilled emergency procedures and put us on full lockdown, lights off, crouching under desks for an hour and a half while police secured our buildings and ordered us to stay still and quiet until notified that the danger passed. That notification never actually came diectly (as it was supposed to) so while 90% of campus was back in working order after an hour the three buildings next to the library remained in full alert, lockdown mode (and were locked in the buildings unable to leave).

I went home and got hammered on pear cider and watched cheerful cartoons with my wife. Seems to have worked ok but goddamn. More than anything I want to smack the racist student who caused this and apologize to the poor girl who is being blamed by the media simply for being reverent and polite enough to not disturb other studying students.

NightDragon · April 2016

Jeeeesus. Thanks for the update - glad you and everyone else are okay.

Skull2185 · April 2016

Enc wrote: »

azith28 wrote: »

Where was this? Don't see anything on the news so im curious.

University of Central Florida, turns out it was all about incompetence and racism rather than an actual shooting. A muslim girl studying for her finals tomorrow stepped away from her books to pray in the library stairwell, which is one of the only places in the library that has windows. Its a pretty big, wide are where she could do her thing and not block traffic. Naturally, some stupid kid saw her praying on the stairwell in her hijab and assumed she was a shooter getting ready to kill everyone and posted it to social media, which then caused our extremely overwrought UCF Department of Emergency Services to issue a class one alert and mobilize our police of an active shooter situation, causing a lockdown.

Then, once officers were on sight, one accidentally misfired his weapon, causing further panic.

Campus followed our extremely well drilled emergency procedures and put us on full lockdown, lights off, crouching under desks for an hour and a half while police secured our buildings and ordered us to stay still and quiet until notified that the danger passed. That notification never actually came diectly (as it was supposed to) so while 90% of campus was back in working order after an hour the three buildings next to the library remained in full alert, lockdown mode (and were locked in the buildings unable to leave).

I went home and got hammered on pear cider and watched cheerful cartoons with my wife. Seems to have worked ok but goddamn. More than anything I want to smack the racist student who caused this and apologize to the poor girl who is being blamed by the media simply for being reverent and polite enough to not disturb other studying students.

Yeah, I just saw an article pop up on the News 13 website about this, but I don't recall any mention of it yesterday, which is weird since News 13 just loves to immediately pop up with breaking news regardless of whether or not they have any facts. The article makes no mention of the poor muslim girl, though. Seriously messed up and disgusting... Stinks you had to go through that too, man. Glad to see you have a wife to go home to and chill out with (also booze!) instead of sitting there alone.

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Trigger discovery, need advice on how best to calm down.

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