If you're in the market for a big boat, I, Noah guy.
"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
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Metzger MeisterIt Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered Userregular
My husband farted for like fifteen seconds straight the other day.
A friend shared this one today. Apparently it's a reference from something, but I'm not culturally informed so I don't know what it is. It's a bad joke pick up line:
A friend shared this one today. Apparently it's a reference from something, but I'm not culturally informed so I don't know what it is. It's a bad joke pick up line:
Excuse me. How much does a polar bear weigh?
Enough to break the ice. Hi. I'm [name].
"Breaking the ice" is a phrase for getting past the initial awkwardness of a meeting. So they're using that bad joke to introduce themselves.
On the topic of polar bears, I'm sad to report my sign at work was finally taken down. It was a b&w clip art polar bear with the words, "a polar bear has over 120 points of articulation" written below.
It was pinned to a meeting room wall for over two years unchallenged in a company that takes itself very seriously.
A friend shared this one today. Apparently it's a reference from something, but I'm not culturally informed so I don't know what it is. It's a bad joke pick up line:
Excuse me. How much does a polar bear weigh?
Enough to break the ice. Hi. I'm [name].
"Breaking the ice" is a phrase for getting past the initial awkwardness of a meeting. So they're using that bad joke to introduce themselves.
On the topic of polar bears, I'm sad to report my sign at work was finally taken down. It was a b&w clip art polar bear with the words, "a polar bear has over 120 points of articulation" written below.
It was pinned to a meeting room wall for over two years unchallenged in a company that takes itself very seriously.
You remind me of my time at a major pharmaceutical company. I decided we needed street signs for the cubicle farms to help everyone navigate. We used people's last names. Those street signs stayed up for several years and even saw conversational use.
Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr are said to be working together to provide a new Beatles snack cracker for hungry fans. When pressed for comment it was reportedly said "They're bigger than Cheez-its"
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Jacques L'HommeBAH! He was a rank amateur compared to, DR. COLOSSUS!Registered Userregular
A man walks into an exam room at his doctor's office. It being for his yearly exam and the man being middle aged, soon the doctor asks the man to bend over.
"Hey, doc, ya mind using two fingers?" asks the man. Confused, the doctor responds, "I'm sorry, why?"
"Well, I just figured you might like a second opinion."
Luckily she didn't know why that joke is funny. She's only 7. When she told it to me, I was trying hard not to let her see me laugh. She asked, "Is that a funny joke, dad? Why?" I told her I would tell her when she's older.
Luckily she didn't know why that joke is funny. She's only 7. When she told it to me, I was trying hard not to let her see me laugh. She asked, "Is that a funny joke, dad? Why?" I told her I would tell her when she's older.
Simple answer: the camel's big belly is the third hump, not the ... result ... of the hump.
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MichaelLCIn what furnace was thy brain?ChicagoRegistered Userregular
Luckily she didn't know why that joke is funny. She's only 7. When she told it to me, I was trying hard not to let her see me laugh. She asked, "Is that a funny joke, dad? Why?" I told her I would tell her when she's older.
Simple answer: the camel's big belly is the third hump, not the ... result ... of the hump.
Camels love to have humps, it's true.
Your mother will not mind at all if I do.
I feel I've been doing my job as a dad correctly when my 3 year old comes up with this. Watching the Land Before Time XXVIIX the pterodactyl is sneezing and not feeling well. My 3, THREE, year old says he has a pterada-cold.
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The GeekOh-Two Crew, OmeganautRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Luckily she didn't know why that joke is funny. She's only 7. When she told it to me, I was trying hard not to let her see me laugh. She asked, "Is that a funny joke, dad? Why?" I told her I would tell her when she's older.
Simple answer: the camel's big belly is the third hump, not the ... result ... of the hump.
That's how I took the joke to mean. I mean, they used it in a Disney movie.
Luckily she didn't know why that joke is funny. She's only 7. When she told it to me, I was trying hard not to let her see me laugh. She asked, "Is that a funny joke, dad? Why?" I told her I would tell her when she's older.
Simple answer: the camel's big belly is the third hump, not the ... result ... of the hump.
That's how I took the joke to mean. I mean, they used it in a Disney movie.
I guess it really depends on what kind of camelidae is involved. Bactrian or dromedary.
The Chinese police found over 20 dead crows on the Hong Kong Highway recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
They then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"
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MichaelLCIn what furnace was thy brain?ChicagoRegistered Userregular
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids don't eat their broccoli.
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MalReynoldsThe Hunter S Thompson of incredibly mild medicinesRegistered Userregular
I, for one, like Roman Numerals.
"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
Posts
I'm dying! call me an ambulance!
Hi dying! You're an ambulance!
Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of boats?
Because if they fall forwards, they'd still be in the boat.
Whenever I buy garbage bags, I say to the cashier "I don't know why I buy these things. I just end up throwing them out."
At around 7pm last night, two peanuts walked into a subway station and, apparently, one of them was a salted.
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
I didn't know where else to post this.
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
Excuse me. How much does a polar bear weigh?
"Breaking the ice" is a phrase for getting past the initial awkwardness of a meeting. So they're using that bad joke to introduce themselves.
On the topic of polar bears, I'm sad to report my sign at work was finally taken down. It was a b&w clip art polar bear with the words, "a polar bear has over 120 points of articulation" written below.
It was pinned to a meeting room wall for over two years unchallenged in a company that takes itself very seriously.
You remind me of my time at a major pharmaceutical company. I decided we needed street signs for the cubicle farms to help everyone navigate. We used people's last names. Those street signs stayed up for several years and even saw conversational use.
Oo\ Ironsizide
I know. Didn't I say it was a bad joke / pickup line?
Or wait. Are you doing the ironic joke explainer gag? =P
I think it's because you also said this
"Hey, doc, ya mind using two fingers?" asks the man. Confused, the doctor responds, "I'm sorry, why?"
"Well, I just figured you might like a second opinion."
What do you call a three-humped camel?
Laughing Sloth
Simple answer: the camel's big belly is the third hump, not the ... result ... of the hump.
Camels love to have humps, it's true.
Your mother will not mind at all if I do.
That's how I took the joke to mean. I mean, they used it in a Disney movie.
I guess it really depends on what kind of camelidae is involved. Bactrian or dromedary.
A customer was saying she liked them but didn't know what to use them for.
"I got one to write down my thoughts. I don't have many big ideas."
I hated her for not laughing.
I have a Czech one too. A Czech one too. Czech one too.
The Chinese police found over 20 dead crows on the Hong Kong Highway recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
They then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"
We have enough crows here, thanks
And I thought that was good advice.
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
To V or not to V, that is the question.