I'll post this here again because the "Love" thread in SE++ very much was not the right thread for this discussion;
"So, before I start, whatever mod looks at this, this is a duplicate account (which I know is against the rules, but there are very obvious reasons and as long as I can post this one thing I've already accomplished what I wanted)
Second, I'm not sure if this is the correct thread but it is very much related
On to things
A few months ago I met this lady who, although around 4 1/2 years older than me (both in our twenties) was pretty much who I would describe as my "soulmate". We filled entire pages with our WhatsApp chats and started meeting regularely. We seemed to get along together so well that we had Sex on our second date, which we both enjoyed very much and decided to go with a friendship plus. All was not well all the time as she quickly developed feelings and I had to shoot her down twice (due to getting out of a nightmare of a relationship earlier and feeling the need to enjoy my freedom at the time). This she claims struck her heavily so she felt the need to validate herself.
Because it was only a friendship plus we both were still active on Tinder and other sites; Me not so much really despite maybe a few very short exchanges. Her a lot more with 2-3 very intense and long-going flirts, which I didn't know about.
Around three weeks ago we fought and "broke up" our relationship, for the second time. She said that it's better if we don't talk for a while and that was that, for a week. That's when I decided to contact her because I realized I thought about her constantly; I knew about one guy that she was dating and that she had sex with.
We talked a lot, spent a lot of time together and decided to bury all our flirts from before and begin a relationship. It was hard but I was actually very happy at first!
And now is where shit hits the fan.
My previous relationship kinda made me paranoid, as I found out by checking my girlfriends phone that she was flirting with another guy who very much wanted to nail her and that she was going to meet him, none of which she told me.
Which is why I did exactly this, again. And I found out that she kept from me that she had unprotected sex with the guy I knew about. Trust broken Nr. 1.
We talked and she insisted that she thought if she told me I was gonna break up with her or worse. I still didn't know how to feel about this. She then explicitely told me that she would not withhold anything from me anymore and that now I knew everything.
Until I found out that she slept with another guy during the friendship plus I never knew about. Same talk, my trust was broken even further and I was feeling pretty horrible. Again the "now you know everything" talk.
Until I found another very intense chat of a guy making sexual advances that appearantly had been in her bed and groped her, much to her liking, and she made it very obvious that she was curious about what else was going to happen and wanted him to not be so shy about his sexual thoughts. Once again the talk.
After that I checked her handy chat for chat. One more thing I found out is that appearantly the sex with guy Nr. 1 (the one I knew about) that she described as a total failure was appearantly "brilliant" at least once.
PA, what do. I'm lost. Scared she'll just cheat on me, probably without even telling me. And she'll probably delete whatever evidence there would be of it due to knowing of my paranoia now - also I do not really want to lead a relationship in which I have to check on my partner to be able to trust them..."
And since I saw someone making a timeline themselves, I'll provide one here for clarification:TIMELINE:
- Start of the year: Checked my then girlfriends Phone, found out she was probably intending to cheat on me (CLARIFICATION: I had suspicions before and asked her if it was okay to see some chats with her being there. She agreed. This was the second time where I did so WITHOUT agreement). Broke up with her
- 5-ish months ago: Meet who I would describe as my soulmate but am too paranoid and want to enjoy my freedom, shoot her down multiple times
- (Side point: She sleeps with Person Nr. 1, AFTER we start our friendship plus, but tells me instead that they have no contact anymore)
- During the friendship plus she continues to explicitely flirt with mutliple guys, lets one of them in her bed and grope her (Person Nr. 2)
- During the third time "breaking up" our friendship plus, she sleeps multiple times with Person Nr. 3, one time unprotected
- (Side note: During all this time I was completely hoenst about anything love life related on my side, she was not)
- Check her handy three times; Every time it goes about this: I find out about Person Nr. X or something she withheld from me, she apologizes, claims that she won't withhold anything anymore; Rinse and repeat two times with Person Nr. 2 and Nr. 3
- I now have no trust anymore
Addendum: I know completely that what I did was wrong; However, ultimately, all my fears were being confirmed.