Man, I did something like that once. I was walking to high school, which I did every morning, and the walk was about five miles. I was running a bit late and was worrying that I'd be late for school, when all of a sudden a car pulls up beside me and honks. I look over and it's this guy I go to school with and his little sister who is a freshman. Now, I don't know this guy very well at all, but we've lived in the same general area for a while so I figure he's just being cool and decided to give me a ride so I wouldn't be late. So I swing the backseat passenger side door open and say something like "Hey thanks man, I totally thought I was gonna be late today." Both him and his sister look freaked out, and he looks at me in the rear view mirror and just says "Uhh.... sure." Then, to my dismay, his best friend comes running out of the house we're stopped in front of and gets in next to me, and gives me a "What the fuck are you doing here" face.
He was just stopping to pick up his buddy. He hadn't even seen me walking there.
Nobody said a word the whole way to school, and when I got there, I ran out of the car as quick as I could with a brief "thanks for the ride". I never talked to any of them again.
Haha, I love that you stayed in the car. Might as well make the best of it.
Reminds me of a time in HS when I was walking down the hall, and saw a guy from one of my classes with his hand up for a high five. So I slap his hand as I walk by, and he leaves his hand up in the air, waiting for his friend who was behind me to give him the intended high five. I was embarrassed for a second but then I was like, fuck it, high fives are awesome no matter what.
Lol, I was friends with a girl in high school. Pretty popular, kinda hot... we'd always greet each other when we met in the halls when classes changed. (Schools here are big on rank-and-file type discipline, we moved in orderly lines from class to class.)
One day she came up to me during break, looking embarrassed, but also trying not to laugh. Turns out nine-times out of when we passed each other, a certain boy was behind me. The poor bastard thought she kept greeting him and that she had the hots for him.
Oh, that reminds me of my senior year of high school. I was running late for a presentation and trying to get around this girl, also a senior. Well, it wasn't just any girl, it was Miss Super Puritan Overachiever who I had practically every class with. Right as I'm about to finally get around her, she swings her arm back and her hand goes right into my groin. A normal person would probably clench their fist, but not her. No, thanks to her weird hand-swinging motion and my ridiculously thin, uniform khakis she got a handful of johnson.
We both turned red and I don't think I've ever seen someone walk away as fast she did after that. It was near graduation, so we only had to see each other a few times afterwards and neither of us brought it up again.
Oh and more recently. I was talking to a fellow college student and made fun of a certain degree, only to find out that she was majoring in it. Doesn't help that I have to work with her for another couple of months.
Oh and more recently. I was talking to a fellow college student and made fun of a certain degree, only to find out that she was majoring in it. Doesn't help that I have to work with her for another couple of months.
I assumed that sort of thing was a daily occurrence.
Making fun of liberal arts majors at an engineering school pretty much eliminates any chance you've got of getting some from present company. In my experience.
Oh and more recently. I was talking to a fellow college student and made fun of a certain degree, only to find out that she was majoring in it. Doesn't help that I have to work with her for another couple of months.
I assumed that sort of thing was a daily occurrence.
My roommate and I would make fun of Mass Comm majors when I was in UC Berkeley. We'd joke around about how they'd sign up for Mass Comm 101 - Intro to Communicating and MassComm 102 - Talking to real people. About how they'd have to do speech classes and have Marketing and publicist jobs to look forward to.
Well, my roommate ended up switching to Mass Comm in his 2nd year.
Last year my HS Phys. Ed teacher had a great idea. It was incredibly cold and windy, raining for most of the day, so today would be a perfect day to leave the building and go do stuff on the beach.
So we all go to the beach, cold as hell, do some warmup, whatever. Eventually it's decided that we're going to do some rugby, but we had to do some tackling exercises first. This basically consisted of everyone but one guy standing around in a circle and tackling the guy as he ran by. Went fairly well.
Then I was up.
So I did my round, got tackled a few times, etc. Then I passed a friend of mine who tried to tackle me. He wasn't very good at it and I had to sorta dodge him so he didn't smash into my face. Unfortunately, on his way down he got stuck on my pants. So my pants went down with him, and for some reason so did my underwear.
So I'm standing there, on an incredibly cold day, in the rain, showing off the glory to the entire class. But the guy didn't realize what had happened because he had his face in the sand. Was about a full 10 seconds before I'd managed to wrestle back my pants and get covered up. Did I mention it was cold? Fun times.
Haha, I love that you stayed in the car. Might as well make the best of it.
Reminds me of a time in HS when I was walking down the hall, and saw a guy from one of my classes with his hand up for a high five. So I slap his hand as I walk by, and he leaves his hand up in the air, waiting for his friend who was behind me to give him the intended high five. I was embarrassed for a second but then I was like, fuck it, high fives are awesome no matter what.
Something like this happened to me.
I was walking in the mall one day and decide to head into a PacSun to check out their hoodies and as I'm walkin in one of the employees, young guy with full beard and sleeve tattoos all of a sudden puts his hand up in the air like he was waiting for a high five. I'm the only one in the store and walking DIRECTLY towards him down the aisle and instinctively, I just put my hand up and gave me a high five. The guy starts laughin hysterically and goes "Dude I was just waving to someone outside but right on man."
"Well I wasn't going to leave you hanging there, so it was just kinda automatic." I laughed and went about browsing the store. I don't think I ended up purchasing anything, but on the way out, he put his hand up for another high five. :P
I've heard a lot about H.P. Lovecraft and his stories, so I finally bought a collection of his work a few weeks ago. It's caught my interest, so just now I was looking up stuff about H.P. Lovecraft, the Cthulhu Mythos, and related subjects on Wikipedia. The photograph of Lovecraft on his article creeped me out at first for some reason, but I often have irrational fears, so I ignored it.
I had multiple tabs open, so when I finally decided to look something else up on Wikipedia, I scrolled back up to the top of the page to search. Now, it was most likely my imagination, but I could of sworn that the photograph was of him in 3/4 view looking to the right. When I saw his face facing straight toward, especially his eyes, I felt a flash of panic and quickly closed out the tab and minimized the browser.
I immediately felt ashamed of myself. I just checked the Wikipedia page again, and his face is still facing forward. My imagination must have got the best of me.
However, before I checked back, I thought about watching some of my saved videos to calm down. I couldn't though, fearing that his face would flash on screen halfway through one of the videos.
We didn't even have a name for it, as 18 is the legal age here. There was always a random 18 year old hanging around
*edit* I Live in Calgary, Alberta Canada
My friend who spent most of Junior High in Edmonton, said they called it "booting" or "bootlegging" or "getting a boot" while we always just called it "pulling" or "getting someone to pull for you" in Saskatchewan here.
You guys are strange, we don't have a name for it here. Usually just somebody goes "guys we have a place to get drunk tonight, start calling people up", and everybody who wants to get drunk just starts calling people who are 21, usually co-workers, until somebody says yes. Once somebody says yes everybody hangs up and starts calling people that they actually want to come party.
However, before I checked back, I thought about watching some of my saved videos to calm down. I couldn't though, fearing that his face would flash on screen halfway through one of the videos.
When you say... saved videos...
Does that count as another strange and embarassing moment? Telling the PA forums about 'saved videos'?
Today at work, I was closing the library and there was this girl at the computer still just surfing the web when the building was about empty. So I went over to her to explain to her that we just played the announcement saying we're closing and she had to go.
Haha, I love that you stayed in the car. Might as well make the best of it.
Reminds me of a time in HS when I was walking down the hall, and saw a guy from one of my classes with his hand up for a high five. So I slap his hand as I walk by, and he leaves his hand up in the air, waiting for his friend who was behind me to give him the intended high five. I was embarrassed for a second but then I was like, fuck it, high fives are awesome no matter what.
I did something like that the other day. There's this one passing period in my schedule where I go down a staircase as a few friends come up and I end up just high-fiving most of them in passing. Last week I figured I'd make things easier and just hold my hand up.
Not only did I get high-fives from all my friends, I also got seven more high fives from random people. A lot people that I don't know know me because I got arrested a couple months ago, but I'm not sure if that account for it.
However, before I checked back, I thought about watching some of my saved videos to calm down. I couldn't though, fearing that his face would flash on screen halfway through one of the videos.
When you say... saved videos...
Does that count as another strange and embarassing moment? Telling the PA forums about 'saved videos'?
Haha, not "those" kinds of saved videos, gutterhead. I mean stuff like Dr.Tran, Tenacious D vs The Time Goblin, and that awesome video of Mega Man sprites dancing to the ending theme of the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzimiya.
I don't really have any embarassing moments to add, mostly because I think any there is have been blocked out, but I do have a few strange things.
If I have one trademark, one thing people remember me by, is the fact that I will say good morning at all times of day, in any setting and it dosnt matter if I already said it 2 seconds before. Everytime I get eye contact I tend to say goodmorning.
I work at a pizza place, mostly working the register and taking orders. One night two guys enter, my eyes meet with one of them and he says "good morning", this totally stuns me and it takes quite a while for me to collect myself enough to take his order, and the owner (a libanese guy who is actually a perfect fountain of strange moments in himself) is laughing his ass off next to me.
I think this guy was my soulmate or something, should have talked to him some more.
About the owner, mostly he will ask me at strange moments "what do you think about...?", even when I am talking to customers. Now this dosnt seem strange, but I KNOW that he is refering to animal sex, since he ask me atleast 5 times a day what I think about it, he have just cut the animal sex part in order to be able to say it everywhere.
He always keeps asking me what kind of dogs I prefer, what animals I have done and how good it was.
We also had a palistinian guy who was mighty fun aswell, he would randomly shout animal noises at customers, or even worse shout "BUSH" (as in George bush), "I HATE BUSH" and "What do you think of bush?" at random customers. He was also bad at pronouncing my name (Jonathan) and just decided to call me Jennifer instead as it was easier (not that I really minded, Jennifer is a decent name).
On top of these things he really wanted me to learn how to handle different kinds of drugs, so he spent alot of break time teaching me how to handle drugs, prepare them and use them.
Related story:
One day some of my friends and I are out drinking, on a trek between two bars someone soundly yells "JONATHAN!!!!", I turn after my friends do, in time to see a look of horror on their faces. I turn around, see a huge libanese, bald, bodybuilder of a guy, wheilding three cellphones heading towards us. My friends panic, I being slightly drunk, think for a few seconds before realising who it is, it is one of my workbuddies.
I yell hey and he comes up to me, we start talking about how its going and stuff, he tells me he just quit, I ask why. After I ask that question he turns around to two of my friends who have wandered up behind him instead of standing next to me. This guy then turns around and asks them "Hey, do you guys want to buy some heroin", they look at him and then me in absolute horror, while I keep talking to him, like nothing had happened (I was drunk, this guy is the type, and frankly I have gotten drunk with him a few times at work, while we were working, so I wasnt really shocked).
I say goodbye and we walk off, the friends thinking I have some insane group of friends that they arent privy to, although a few of them had already heard my workstories.
I laugh alot at work aswell, all work literally stop when girls walk past the windows (this being on a mainstreet it means all the freaking time), and it sometimes seems like we have a 'who can hit on most of the women customers' competition going on, with the others trying to talk up women for me as I refuse to participate.
Usually just by telling customers randomly "This guy is totally the biggest stud in here", "If you are looking for a big dick, just talk to that guy", etc.
I am not surprised that we have had declining numbers of customers from when I started to now. The employers and even the owners have just gone from decent to bad, then worse, then worse and keep declining. Although we literally make the best pizza in the city, which our remaining customers keep telling us.
This reminds me of a story about my uncles happy, drunk youth.
He is out drinking, he gets very drunk and ends up in some house.
Next morning he wakes up, have a hangover and being much worse, he have no clue where the hell he is and he is naked on a couch.
He can't find his clothes, go into the next room, finds his clothes in a line leading to the door with vomit all over it all. He decides to make a run for it, not daring to be in the house when the owners show up, as he is apparantly lucky enough to not have them come home yet, he picks up his clothes and run as fast as he can from the place while dressing himself in his vomitstained clothes.
To this day he have no idea where the fuck he woke up and how he got there, he just remember running like hell until he got home.
Another one about the same uncle.
He was a little boy, he believed in santa and really wanted to meet him. He and my mother (his littlesister) come up with a foolproof plan, they are going to tie one end of string to the door and the other to his penis. This great plan should then cause him to wake up when Santa opens the door to leave presents.
Now in the middle of the night when my grandfather wants to go put some presents in their beds he opens the door, not knowing his little sons donger is tied to the door. The string is apparantly tied very well around the donger and it gets pulled VERY violently, causing much swelling, a trip to the emergency room and a great story .
He was a little boy, he believed in santa and really wanted to meet him. He and my mother (his littlesister) come up with a foolproof plan, they are going to tie one end of string to the door and the other to his penis. This great plan should then cause him to wake up when Santa opens the door to leave presents.
Now in the middle of the night when my grandfather wants to go put some presents in their beds he opens the door, not knowing his little sons donger is tied to the door. The string is apparantly tied very well around the donger and it gets pulled VERY violently, causing much swelling, a trip to the emergency room and a great story .
He was a little boy, he believed in santa and really wanted to meet him. He and my mother (his littlesister) come up with a foolproof plan, they are going to tie one end of string to the door and the other to his penis. This great plan should then cause him to wake up when Santa opens the door to leave presents.
Now in the middle of the night when my grandfather wants to go put some presents in their beds he opens the door, not knowing his little sons donger is tied to the door. The string is apparantly tied very well around the donger and it gets pulled VERY violently, causing much swelling, a trip to the emergency room and a great story .
What. The. Fuck.
Why the fuck didn't he just tie it around his finger or something? WHY HIS PENIS?
He was a little boy, he believed in santa and really wanted to meet him. He and my mother (his littlesister) come up with a foolproof plan, they are going to tie one end of string to the door and the other to his penis. This great plan should then cause him to wake up when Santa opens the door to leave presents.
Now in the middle of the night when my grandfather wants to go put some presents in their beds he opens the door, not knowing his little sons donger is tied to the door. The string is apparantly tied very well around the donger and it gets pulled VERY violently, causing much swelling, a trip to the emergency room and a great story .
What. The. Fuck.
Why the fuck didn't he just tie it around his finger or something? WHY HIS PENIS?
It's my high school formal afterparty, and there's a whole lotta' drinking going on. Everyone in the grade has come back to one guy's house, who's hired some security guys to keep things in order. The grade's pretty big, and the house is pretty small, so naturally things are a little bit crowded.
Now, I'm extremely intoxicated, and I have to piss. But there's only one Portaloo, the line for it is like twelve people long, and I have to piss now. I'm not waiting for the bathroom. Surely there must be something else I can do. I can't go in their back garden, someone will see me. So I decide to hop over the fence into the house next door, creep down to the farthest corner of their garden, and relieve myself. It is immensely satisfying.
Job done, I sneak back to the house, hop back over the fence, and am grabbed by one of the big, scary security guys and dragged outside. Turns out there's a rule about no leaving the house or you can't come back. Probably should have been listening to that before. Luckily my house is very close by, so I stagger back home, still completely off my tits. I take a slight detour through the park, where I send the following text message, verbatim;
" [friends' name] i am drunk in my park i am safe there are bats "
and then I go home and go to bed.
When I wake up the next morning my friends are asleep under the house. They have no more idea how they found the way there then I do.
I suppose I have one.
I was at last years thanksgiving dinner, at the dinner table, sitting across from my sister. She had recently given me a Led Zeppelin shirt http://www.amazon.com/Zeppelin-1977-Tour-Classic-T-Shirt/dp/B00015HG2O
and I was talking about how it sort of freaked me out that she would give me something like that. My exact words were.
"She gave me a T-Shirt with MALE GENETALIA on it!"
Only I managed to practically shout out MALE GENETALIA
and it was a crowded dinner table.
And the conversation had died down at this exact point.
...
Not exactly my finest moment.
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Toxic ToysAre you really taking my advice?Really?Registered Userregular
edited November 2007
While talking about being drunk...
This was when I was dating my wife. We gon out and partied for a few hours. Not much, just bar hopping. I was pissed drunk. We decided to go back to her place for a night cap. We had some more to drink and I told her I was going to crash out at her pad. As soon as I layed down I was out cold.
That's a little embarrasing because we were still at the dating at the time and doing it any time we could get alone. It gets worse.
I wake up in the middle of the night having to pee. I stumble around till I find my goal. I unzip and let loose. About a minute latter, I feel my pants get all wet. Yes, some how I pissed myself. In my girlfriends house. I take my pants off and hang them up to dry. They may smell like piss, but I'll bounce out early so she doesn't notice too much. I go back to sleep.
My girlfriend wake me up in the morning. She asks me if I remeber what I did. I'm freaking a little because I thought I might of blacked out. So I asked her what.
She tells me.
It seams when I woke up to take my leak, I didn't find the bathroom. I just stumbled around in her room. She has a large floor fan, that was on. I then decided to piss right in to it. I woke her up because my pee was splashing off the fan and on to her bed, walls, my pants, me, the floor, and her.
She still brings that up.
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He was just stopping to pick up his buddy. He hadn't even seen me walking there.
Nobody said a word the whole way to school, and when I got there, I ran out of the car as quick as I could with a brief "thanks for the ride". I never talked to any of them again.
Reminds me of a time in HS when I was walking down the hall, and saw a guy from one of my classes with his hand up for a high five. So I slap his hand as I walk by, and he leaves his hand up in the air, waiting for his friend who was behind me to give him the intended high five. I was embarrassed for a second but then I was like, fuck it, high fives are awesome no matter what.
One day she came up to me during break, looking embarrassed, but also trying not to laugh. Turns out nine-times out of when we passed each other, a certain boy was behind me. The poor bastard thought she kept greeting him and that she had the hots for him.
STEAM
We both turned red and I don't think I've ever seen someone walk away as fast she did after that. It was near graduation, so we only had to see each other a few times afterwards and neither of us brought it up again.
Oh and more recently. I was talking to a fellow college student and made fun of a certain degree, only to find out that she was majoring in it. Doesn't help that I have to work with her for another couple of months.
I assumed that sort of thing was a daily occurrence.
My roommate and I would make fun of Mass Comm majors when I was in UC Berkeley. We'd joke around about how they'd sign up for Mass Comm 101 - Intro to Communicating and MassComm 102 - Talking to real people. About how they'd have to do speech classes and have Marketing and publicist jobs to look forward to.
Well, my roommate ended up switching to Mass Comm in his 2nd year.
So we all go to the beach, cold as hell, do some warmup, whatever. Eventually it's decided that we're going to do some rugby, but we had to do some tackling exercises first. This basically consisted of everyone but one guy standing around in a circle and tackling the guy as he ran by. Went fairly well.
Then I was up.
So I did my round, got tackled a few times, etc. Then I passed a friend of mine who tried to tackle me. He wasn't very good at it and I had to sorta dodge him so he didn't smash into my face. Unfortunately, on his way down he got stuck on my pants. So my pants went down with him, and for some reason so did my underwear.
So I'm standing there, on an incredibly cold day, in the rain, showing off the glory to the entire class. But the guy didn't realize what had happened because he had his face in the sand. Was about a full 10 seconds before I'd managed to wrestle back my pants and get covered up. Did I mention it was cold? Fun times.
I used to call that "let's get an adult to buy booze for us".
Same here.
*edit* I Live in Calgary, Alberta Canada
Something like this happened to me.
I was walking in the mall one day and decide to head into a PacSun to check out their hoodies and as I'm walkin in one of the employees, young guy with full beard and sleeve tattoos all of a sudden puts his hand up in the air like he was waiting for a high five. I'm the only one in the store and walking DIRECTLY towards him down the aisle and instinctively, I just put my hand up and gave me a high five. The guy starts laughin hysterically and goes "Dude I was just waving to someone outside but right on man."
"Well I wasn't going to leave you hanging there, so it was just kinda automatic." I laughed and went about browsing the store. I don't think I ended up purchasing anything, but on the way out, he put his hand up for another high five. :P
I've heard a lot about H.P. Lovecraft and his stories, so I finally bought a collection of his work a few weeks ago. It's caught my interest, so just now I was looking up stuff about H.P. Lovecraft, the Cthulhu Mythos, and related subjects on Wikipedia. The photograph of Lovecraft on his article creeped me out at first for some reason, but I often have irrational fears, so I ignored it.
I had multiple tabs open, so when I finally decided to look something else up on Wikipedia, I scrolled back up to the top of the page to search. Now, it was most likely my imagination, but I could of sworn that the photograph was of him in 3/4 view looking to the right. When I saw his face facing straight toward, especially his eyes, I felt a flash of panic and quickly closed out the tab and minimized the browser.
I immediately felt ashamed of myself. I just checked the Wikipedia page again, and his face is still facing forward. My imagination must have got the best of me.
However, before I checked back, I thought about watching some of my saved videos to calm down. I couldn't though, fearing that his face would flash on screen halfway through one of the videos.
My friend who spent most of Junior High in Edmonton, said they called it "booting" or "bootlegging" or "getting a boot" while we always just called it "pulling" or "getting someone to pull for you" in Saskatchewan here.
When you say... saved videos...
Does that count as another strange and embarassing moment? Telling the PA forums about 'saved videos'?
She was deaf.
I felt like a dick.
I did something like that the other day. There's this one passing period in my schedule where I go down a staircase as a few friends come up and I end up just high-fiving most of them in passing. Last week I figured I'd make things easier and just hold my hand up.
Not only did I get high-fives from all my friends, I also got seven more high fives from random people. A lot people that I don't know know me because I got arrested a couple months ago, but I'm not sure if that account for it.
It was exactly the opposite of embarrassing.
Haha, not "those" kinds of saved videos, gutterhead. I mean stuff like Dr.Tran, Tenacious D vs The Time Goblin, and that awesome video of Mega Man sprites dancing to the ending theme of the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzimiya.
If I have one trademark, one thing people remember me by, is the fact that I will say good morning at all times of day, in any setting and it dosnt matter if I already said it 2 seconds before. Everytime I get eye contact I tend to say goodmorning.
I work at a pizza place, mostly working the register and taking orders. One night two guys enter, my eyes meet with one of them and he says "good morning", this totally stuns me and it takes quite a while for me to collect myself enough to take his order, and the owner (a libanese guy who is actually a perfect fountain of strange moments in himself) is laughing his ass off next to me.
I think this guy was my soulmate or something, should have talked to him some more.
About the owner, mostly he will ask me at strange moments "what do you think about...?", even when I am talking to customers. Now this dosnt seem strange, but I KNOW that he is refering to animal sex, since he ask me atleast 5 times a day what I think about it, he have just cut the animal sex part in order to be able to say it everywhere.
He always keeps asking me what kind of dogs I prefer, what animals I have done and how good it was.
We also had a palistinian guy who was mighty fun aswell, he would randomly shout animal noises at customers, or even worse shout "BUSH" (as in George bush), "I HATE BUSH" and "What do you think of bush?" at random customers. He was also bad at pronouncing my name (Jonathan) and just decided to call me Jennifer instead as it was easier (not that I really minded, Jennifer is a decent name).
On top of these things he really wanted me to learn how to handle different kinds of drugs, so he spent alot of break time teaching me how to handle drugs, prepare them and use them.
Related story:
One day some of my friends and I are out drinking, on a trek between two bars someone soundly yells "JONATHAN!!!!", I turn after my friends do, in time to see a look of horror on their faces. I turn around, see a huge libanese, bald, bodybuilder of a guy, wheilding three cellphones heading towards us. My friends panic, I being slightly drunk, think for a few seconds before realising who it is, it is one of my workbuddies.
I yell hey and he comes up to me, we start talking about how its going and stuff, he tells me he just quit, I ask why. After I ask that question he turns around to two of my friends who have wandered up behind him instead of standing next to me. This guy then turns around and asks them "Hey, do you guys want to buy some heroin", they look at him and then me in absolute horror, while I keep talking to him, like nothing had happened (I was drunk, this guy is the type, and frankly I have gotten drunk with him a few times at work, while we were working, so I wasnt really shocked).
I say goodbye and we walk off, the friends thinking I have some insane group of friends that they arent privy to, although a few of them had already heard my workstories.
I laugh alot at work aswell, all work literally stop when girls walk past the windows (this being on a mainstreet it means all the freaking time), and it sometimes seems like we have a 'who can hit on most of the women customers' competition going on, with the others trying to talk up women for me as I refuse to participate.
Usually just by telling customers randomly "This guy is totally the biggest stud in here", "If you are looking for a big dick, just talk to that guy", etc.
I am not surprised that we have had declining numbers of customers from when I started to now. The employers and even the owners have just gone from decent to bad, then worse, then worse and keep declining. Although we literally make the best pizza in the city, which our remaining customers keep telling us.
This reminds me of a story about my uncles happy, drunk youth.
He is out drinking, he gets very drunk and ends up in some house.
Next morning he wakes up, have a hangover and being much worse, he have no clue where the hell he is and he is naked on a couch.
He can't find his clothes, go into the next room, finds his clothes in a line leading to the door with vomit all over it all. He decides to make a run for it, not daring to be in the house when the owners show up, as he is apparantly lucky enough to not have them come home yet, he picks up his clothes and run as fast as he can from the place while dressing himself in his vomitstained clothes.
To this day he have no idea where the fuck he woke up and how he got there, he just remember running like hell until he got home.
Another one about the same uncle.
He was a little boy, he believed in santa and really wanted to meet him. He and my mother (his littlesister) come up with a foolproof plan, they are going to tie one end of string to the door and the other to his penis. This great plan should then cause him to wake up when Santa opens the door to leave presents.
Now in the middle of the night when my grandfather wants to go put some presents in their beds he opens the door, not knowing his little sons donger is tied to the door. The string is apparantly tied very well around the donger and it gets pulled VERY violently, causing much swelling, a trip to the emergency room and a great story
What. The. Fuck.
Why the fuck didn't he just tie it around his finger or something? WHY HIS PENIS?
Don't you remember being a little kid?
At the time it just makes sense!
Well, that is certainly true...
Speak for yourself
Now, I'm extremely intoxicated, and I have to piss. But there's only one Portaloo, the line for it is like twelve people long, and I have to piss now. I'm not waiting for the bathroom. Surely there must be something else I can do. I can't go in their back garden, someone will see me. So I decide to hop over the fence into the house next door, creep down to the farthest corner of their garden, and relieve myself. It is immensely satisfying.
Job done, I sneak back to the house, hop back over the fence, and am grabbed by one of the big, scary security guys and dragged outside. Turns out there's a rule about no leaving the house or you can't come back. Probably should have been listening to that before. Luckily my house is very close by, so I stagger back home, still completely off my tits. I take a slight detour through the park, where I send the following text message, verbatim;
" [friends' name] i am drunk in my park i am safe there are bats "
and then I go home and go to bed.
When I wake up the next morning my friends are asleep under the house. They have no more idea how they found the way there then I do.
how embarrassing for him
Well thank god for the bats!
I bet it's not, now.
I was at last years thanksgiving dinner, at the dinner table, sitting across from my sister. She had recently given me a Led Zeppelin shirt
http://www.amazon.com/Zeppelin-1977-Tour-Classic-T-Shirt/dp/B00015HG2O
and I was talking about how it sort of freaked me out that she would give me something like that. My exact words were.
"She gave me a T-Shirt with MALE GENETALIA on it!"
Only I managed to practically shout out MALE GENETALIA
and it was a crowded dinner table.
And the conversation had died down at this exact point.
...
Not exactly my finest moment.
This was when I was dating my wife. We gon out and partied for a few hours. Not much, just bar hopping. I was pissed drunk. We decided to go back to her place for a night cap. We had some more to drink and I told her I was going to crash out at her pad. As soon as I layed down I was out cold.
That's a little embarrasing because we were still at the dating at the time and doing it any time we could get alone. It gets worse.
I wake up in the middle of the night having to pee. I stumble around till I find my goal. I unzip and let loose. About a minute latter, I feel my pants get all wet. Yes, some how I pissed myself. In my girlfriends house. I take my pants off and hang them up to dry. They may smell like piss, but I'll bounce out early so she doesn't notice too much. I go back to sleep.
My girlfriend wake me up in the morning. She asks me if I remeber what I did. I'm freaking a little because I thought I might of blacked out. So I asked her what.
She tells me.
It seams when I woke up to take my leak, I didn't find the bathroom. I just stumbled around in her room. She has a large floor fan, that was on. I then decided to piss right in to it. I woke her up because my pee was splashing off the fan and on to her bed, walls, my pants, me, the floor, and her.
She still brings that up.
Talk about endearing.
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer