Man, I was an RA and I hated dicks like that. Campus police were a bunch of punks, for the most part. We had CSAs (campus security agents) and then some real police, and the csa's were tards.
Then I stopped being a real ra and did a security escort job instead. It was pretty sweet - same deal (free room and board) and I just sat in an office playing video games from 8 pm to 2 am a couple nights per week. After the first two weeks of a semester, the only people who used the service were exchange students.
Man, I was an RA and I hated dicks like that. Campus police were a bunch of punks, for the most part. We had CSAs (campus security agents) and then some real police, and the csa's were tards.
Then I stopped being a real ra and did a security escort job instead. It was pretty sweet - same deal (free room and board) and I just sat in an office playing video games from 8 pm to 2 am a couple nights per week. After the first two weeks of a semester, the only people who used the service were exchange students.
Security escort? Like a bodyguard for new people so they don't blunder into Mugger Town or Rapeville by accident, I'm guessing?
A strange moment, I scared the ever living crap out of a random guy handing out pamphlets once... and I only realized why I scared him a few months later. I was on my way back from the bank, sidewalk was pretty crowded. Now I'm a pretty wide (used to be in the hips, now it's mostly shoulders... thank God) yet well mannered sort of guy, so I always would turn to the side so I don't bump into people. Sometimes I would put one arm behind my back to maximize the space.
So here I am, dressed in dark glasses, my favorite black leather jacket, black jeans and a white shirt and this skinny as death dude almost a foot shorter than my tries to hand me a pamphlet. Except I don't see the pamphlet and think he's trying to get by me. So turn to the side and put one arm behind my back. His eyes widen, he staggers back and apologizes profusely before scurrying off.
Months later, I saw a guy with a gun in a holster at the small of his back and it suddenly clicked.
About two years ago I went to school a couple towns over, so I had to take a train to get there and get back home, and after school I usually had to wait a good half hour for it. So I'm standing there waiting when I see three little people just walking down the platform across from mine, just yelling "Your stupid! No your stupid! Nu uh your stupid!" at each other for a good five to ten minutes.
Was just sitting in one of our computer rooms at uni (about 20 minutes ago), doing some coursework, when something that sounded like a car alarm started going off, except it sounded a bit pathetic. After 2 seconds of this, a (equally pathetic) female recorded voice started stating "Help! Help! Security vehicle under attack, please call the police!"
this roused a big laugh, and every clustered to the windows to the sight of a battered looking Transit van sitting there, with a very embarrassed/angry looking security guard sitting in it.
the cycle of "help! help!" and a few seconds of alarm continued until we got fed up with it and left. The security guard got out and started smoking, i presume waiting for the police. was a little bizzarre.
One time back when I lived at the dorms, me and my buddy, who was the RA I mentioned I lived with at the time, we're coming back to the dorms from a night of heavy drinking elsewhere. A friend of ours dropped us off at campus and we're walking back to our room.
We pass by an open dorm room where there is loud music playing and lots of people in there with a keg. Everyone clearly drinking on the dry campus. My roommate, absolutely wasted. And he is a large black guy, like double my size in every way, gets mad at this blatant disregard for the rules he is supposed to enforce. He is about to storm into their dorm party smashed and try to tell them that they were not to be drinking and bust them all. I am literally throwing myself on them to pull him back and prevent his drunk ass from going in there to bust them. They start to see us in the hallway struggling. He is ignoring me but fighting to walk in and starts yelling at them.
"YOU'RE ALL FUCKING BUSTED! NO ALCO...NO ALCH...NO DRINKING HERE!"
Im dragging myself and him away and telling them to shut their door. I was trying to keep a good hold while laughing, which was hard. Add onto that him being drunk, and really Im surprised I had any pull on him at all. Poor bastard was trying to dial the campus security on his RA phone when we got to our dorm. He was too drunk to dial properly so we ate our Taco Bell (we always go there when we get drunk) and went to sleep laughing about it. He would had lost his job if he was caught drunk like that, I think.
Fortunately he quit that job later. The bullshit he had to deal with was enormous and the management didn't appreciate his work at all. Later they even accused him of drinking in our dorm, as it was some sort of big RA rumor going around.
Security escort? Like a bodyguard for new people so they don't blunder into Mugger Town or Rapeville by accident, I'm guessing?
A strange moment, I scared the ever living crap out of a random guy handing out pamphlets once... and I only realized why I scared him a few months later. I was on my way back from the bank, sidewalk was pretty crowded. Now I'm a pretty wide (used to be in the hips, now it's mostly shoulders... thank God) yet well mannered sort of guy, so I always would turn to the side so I don't bump into people. Sometimes I would put one arm behind my back to maximize the space.
So here I am, dressed in dark glasses, my favorite black leather jacket, black jeans and a white shirt and this skinny as death dude almost a foot shorter than my tries to hand me a pamphlet. Except I don't see the pamphlet and think he's trying to get by me. So turn to the side and put one arm behind my back. His eyes widen, he staggers back and apologizes profusely before scurrying off.
Months later, I saw a guy with a gun in a holster at the small of his back and it suddenly clicked.
Poor guy, felt sorry for him.
Oh man, me and my friends freaked out the guy who runs the liquor store a block from my house kind of like that. I was the first time I had a bunch of people over at my house, and some of my friends brought wine. I'm not much of a wine drinker, so despite having about 40 bottle openers, my house was without corkscrew. So we decide to head down to the store to see if they carry any. Me and about 4 other friends decide to go together so we walk down there, in our hoodies since it is chilly, and when we get there, we just file in and stand in front of the counter in a line. We realize that this procession has to look kind of odd, so we don't say anything for a second. The clerk gets this weird look on his face and I say, "Do you have any corkscrews for sale? We don't have any at the house."
He breathes this huge sigh and goes "Damn! I thought you kids were going to rob me!"
Since then, he has been so cool with us.
My department were all in my office trying to decide where to go for lunch. We got side tracked on another topic and were talking about it. The conversation dies and we have the first 3 seconds of silence in the past few minutes. Just as the silence hits, the classic high pitched buzz of an gaseous anal expulsion cuts through the air. We all glance over to the source: the team lead. He's just standing there, looking into space, and then just casually nods as though everyone was still talking. Then it occurs to him that no one is talking. Everyone is starring at him. And he just tore one off.
My department were all in my office trying to decide where to go for lunch. We got side tracked on another topic and were talking about it. The conversation dies and we have the first 3 seconds of silence in the past few minutes. Just as the silence hits, the classic high pitched buzz of an gaseous anal expulsion cuts through the air. We all glance over to the source: the team lead. He's just standing there, looking into space, and then just casually nods as though everyone was still talking. Then it occurs to him that no one is talking. Everyone is starring at him. And he just tore one off.
My department were all in my office trying to decide where to go for lunch. We got side tracked on another topic and were talking about it. The conversation dies and we have the first 3 seconds of silence in the past few minutes. Just as the silence hits, the classic high pitched buzz of an gaseous anal expulsion cuts through the air. We all glance over to the source: the team lead. He's just standing there, looking into space, and then just casually nods as though everyone was still talking. Then it occurs to him that no one is talking. Everyone is starring at him. And he just tore one off.
I'm familiar with the game. But we're not in high school anymore. The owner of the company walking in on his beating the shit out of the team lead will end much differently than the band director doing so, methinks.
My department were all in my office trying to decide where to go for lunch. We got side tracked on another topic and were talking about it. The conversation dies and we have the first 3 seconds of silence in the past few minutes. Just as the silence hits, the classic high pitched buzz of an gaseous anal expulsion cuts through the air. We all glance over to the source: the team lead. He's just standing there, looking into space, and then just casually nods as though everyone was still talking. Then it occurs to him that no one is talking. Everyone is starring at him. And he just tore one off.
I'm familiar with the game. But we're not in high school anymore. The owner of the company walking in on his beating the shit out of the team lead will end much differently than the band director doing so, methinks.
Not even if you explain that he didn't call safety?
So, there I am tucking into an amazingly epic meal at my laptop (which is right next to my door), like a sackful of potatoes and a pigs worth of bacon. Belt undone becasue I'm feeling pretty full and it just felt so constricting. Shirt off because the apartment has the heat up way too high.
I hear a knock at the door, shout just a minute, throw on my shirt and get the door. It's this pretty strict muslim girl across the hall from me, she asks me to look at her i-pod, looking pretty uncomfortable. I reach out to take it, she stares at my hand mutters something and runs off. Confused I close the door, looking down at the handle and see my belt still undone, projecting at a 45 degree angle.
One time back when I lived at the dorms, me and my buddy, who was the RA I mentioned I lived with at the time, we're coming back to the dorms from a night of heavy drinking elsewhere. A friend of ours dropped us off at campus and we're walking back to our room.
We pass by an open dorm room where there is loud music playing and lots of people in there with a keg. Everyone clearly drinking on the dry campus. My roommate, absolutely wasted. And he is a large black guy, like double my size in every way, gets mad at this blatant disregard for the rules he is supposed to enforce. He is about to storm into their dorm party smashed and try to tell them that they were not to be drinking and bust them all. I am literally throwing myself on them to pull him back and prevent his drunk ass from going in there to bust them. They start to see us in the hallway struggling. He is ignoring me but fighting to walk in and starts yelling at them.
"YOU'RE ALL FUCKING BUSTED! NO ALCO...NO ALCH...NO DRINKING HERE!"
Im dragging myself and him away and telling them to shut their door. I was trying to keep a good hold while laughing, which was hard. Add onto that him being drunk, and really Im surprised I had any pull on him at all. Poor bastard was trying to dial the campus security on his RA phone when we got to our dorm. He was too drunk to dial properly so we ate our Taco Bell (we always go there when we get drunk) and went to sleep laughing about it. He would had lost his job if he was caught drunk like that, I think.
Fortunately he quit that job later. The bullshit he had to deal with was enormous and the management didn't appreciate his work at all. Later they even accused him of drinking in our dorm, as it was some sort of big RA rumor going around.
You have a dry campus? Good gods, sounds horrible.
Then again, buying litres of whisky during the morning at the supermarket is always quite embarrassing.
corcorigan on
Ad Astra Per Aspera
0
TL DRNot at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered Userregular
One time back when I lived at the dorms, me and my buddy, who was the RA I mentioned I lived with at the time, we're coming back to the dorms from a night of heavy drinking elsewhere. A friend of ours dropped us off at campus and we're walking back to our room.
We pass by an open dorm room where there is loud music playing and lots of people in there with a keg. Everyone clearly drinking on the dry campus. My roommate, absolutely wasted. And he is a large black guy, like double my size in every way, gets mad at this blatant disregard for the rules he is supposed to enforce. He is about to storm into their dorm party smashed and try to tell them that they were not to be drinking and bust them all. I am literally throwing myself on them to pull him back and prevent his drunk ass from going in there to bust them. They start to see us in the hallway struggling. He is ignoring me but fighting to walk in and starts yelling at them.
"YOU'RE ALL FUCKING BUSTED! NO ALCO...NO ALCH...NO DRINKING HERE!"
Im dragging myself and him away and telling them to shut their door. I was trying to keep a good hold while laughing, which was hard. Add onto that him being drunk, and really Im surprised I had any pull on him at all. Poor bastard was trying to dial the campus security on his RA phone when we got to our dorm. He was too drunk to dial properly so we ate our Taco Bell (we always go there when we get drunk) and went to sleep laughing about it. He would had lost his job if he was caught drunk like that, I think.
Fortunately he quit that job later. The bullshit he had to deal with was enormous and the management didn't appreciate his work at all. Later they even accused him of drinking in our dorm, as it was some sort of big RA rumor going around.
You have a dry campus? Good gods, sounds horrible.
Then again, buying litres of whisky during the morning at the supermarket is always quite embarrassing.
You're doing it wrong. Ring out the liquor between enemas and duct tape.
You're doing it wrong. Ring out the liquor between enemas and duct tape.
Reminds of a time a couple years ago in high school. Two friends of mine wanted to pull a simple prank on a friend that involved their yard and a couple of condoms full of pickles.
So one guy goes into our local market and heads towards the pickles and the other guy runs off to find the condoms.
Guy 1 is checking out with a couple of jars of pickles and the register lady says something along the lines off "oh you boys having a pickle party?" Followed by guy one responding with a "Yes ma'am"
Guy 2 comes running up going "Hey hey, I can't find the condoms!" The women quickly clammed up and didn't talk as the check out continued.
You're doing it wrong. Ring out the liquor between enemas and duct tape.
Reminds of a time a couple years ago in high school. Two friends of mine wanted to pull a simple prank on a friend that involved their yard and a couple of condoms full of pickles.
So one guy goes into our local market and heads towards the pickles and the other guy runs off to find the condoms.
Guy 1 is checking out with a couple of jars of pickles and the register lady says something along the lines off "oh you boys having a pickle party?" Followed by guy one responding with a "Yes ma'am"
Guy 2 comes running up going "Hey hey, I can't find the condoms!" The women quickly clammed up and didn't talk as the check out continued.
Back in high school we decided it was a good idea to drive around and egg people, so we went to our local Sobey's and each bought a dozen eggs (there was four of us). All four of us are at the check out and the lady working the register pretty much knows what we were going to be up to and comes up with "You boys making some scrambled eggs?" to which we reply with "Uh...yea, lots of scrambled eggs."
Not much of an embarrassing moment, more of a "Kinda awkward and lame" moment. But man did we egg the hell out of some people. God we were such retards back then.
Reminds of a time a couple years ago in high school. Two friends of mine wanted to pull a simple prank on a friend that involved their yard and a couple of condoms full of pickles.
So one guy goes into our local market and heads towards the pickles and the other guy runs off to find the condoms.
Guy 1 is checking out with a couple of jars of pickles and the register lady says something along the lines off "oh you boys having a pickle party?" Followed by guy one responding with a "Yes ma'am"
Guy 2 comes running up going "Hey hey, I can't find the condoms!" The women quickly clammed up and didn't talk as the check out continued.
Reminds of a time a couple years ago in high school. Two friends of mine wanted to pull a simple prank on a friend that involved their yard and a couple of condoms full of pickles.
So one guy goes into our local market and heads towards the pickles and the other guy runs off to find the condoms.
Guy 1 is checking out with a couple of jars of pickles and the register lady says something along the lines off "oh you boys having a pickle party?" Followed by guy one responding with a "Yes ma'am"
Guy 2 comes running up going "Hey hey, I can't find the condoms!" The women quickly clammed up and didn't talk as the check out continued.
A fun one is getting a girl to buy a pregnancy test and wire coat-hangers at the same time.
Funny-looks galore.
You're doing it wrong. Ring out the liquor between enemas and duct tape.
Reminds of a time a couple years ago in high school. Two friends of mine wanted to pull a simple prank on a friend that involved their yard and a couple of condoms full of pickles.
So one guy goes into our local market and heads towards the pickles and the other guy runs off to find the condoms.
Guy 1 is checking out with a couple of jars of pickles and the register lady says something along the lines off "oh you boys having a pickle party?" Followed by guy one responding with a "Yes ma'am"
Guy 2 comes running up going "Hey hey, I can't find the condoms!" The women quickly clammed up and didn't talk as the check out continued.
Back in high school we decided it was a good idea to drive around and egg people, so we went to our local Sobey's and each bought a dozen eggs (there was four of us). All four of us are at the check out and the lady working the register pretty much knows what we were going to be up to and comes up with "You boys making some scrambled eggs?" to which we reply with "Uh...yea, lots of scrambled eggs."
Not much of an embarrassing moment, more of a "Kinda awkward and lame" moment. But man did we egg the hell out of some people. God we were such retards back then.
The EXACT same thing happened to us when we were egging one time. The wording itself is almost the same except we also had Pop Tarts so the cashier asked if we were making breakfast (at 1:25 in the morning) and we replied that we were making scrambled eggs.
On a completely embarrassing note, I was talking with some friends and acquaintances of mine when one of the people I barely knew said that they had to go and visit their mother. Me, being the stupid and insensitive person I am, asked if their parents were separated (I don't know why I asked). Turns out they were separated by several feet of ground... We laugh about it now.
So I'm talking to a friend of mine. He's a couple years younger than I am. Still lives at home with his parents. As we are talking, his 8 year old sister sneaks up on my right and starts tapping my arm. We put our conversation on hold and I politely ask," Yes?" Grinning from ear to ear she replies," I like your shirt."
I thank her and go back to talking about killing things. Two sentences into our conversation, she starts tapping me on the arm again. Trying to express my impatience without hurting her feelings I ask,"What?" To which she replies," I like your pants."
Thinking to myself," Whatever." I try talking again. Before I can get a word out the tapping starts again. after being bothered for the third time, I am not happy. And now I'm not trying to hide it. I look at her and say," What." Standing there with a stupid grin on her face she says," I like your shoes."
I'm eager to get back to the discussion now and she's run out of clothing. I get two words out and before she starts tapping, furiously, on my arm. Now I'm pissed. I turn to look at her and say," What now." Still grinning from ear to ear, she says," I like your eyes!"
Me and my friend slowly turn to look at eachother. My face looked something like this O_o, and his face looked something like this . I think to myself, out loud," This conversation just got very uncomfortable." At this point I'm praying for a tornado to drop on the house and throw me someplace very far away. After a few seconds of awkward silence she says," I'm going to mess up your hair now!" being half my size she has to jump to reach it. I'm stumbling backward with my hands sheilding my face, shouting things like," Ack!" "No!" "Stop!" and,"What the hell are you doing?!?!" At this point their dad, who must have heard my protests, marches into the room and barks at her to cut it out.
It's been a couple months since that happened. She's tried messing up my hair on more than one occasion since then but has (thankfully) grown out of it.
Some times little kids affection can seem to cross the line of what is appropriate, but it's really innocent at heart, so it's a no harm no foul thing.
Case in point, one time I was lying face down on the couch trying to catch a quick nap, but we had some family friends over and one of their five year old daughters was pestering me to tell her a story. So I did. And then she asked if I was sleepy, and I told her that I was. She said that she too was sleepy, and decided just to hop right on top of me and fall asleep on my back like a cat would.
Reminds of a time a couple years ago in high school. Two friends of mine wanted to pull a simple prank on a friend that involved their yard and a couple of condoms full of pickles.
So one guy goes into our local market and heads towards the pickles and the other guy runs off to find the condoms.
Guy 1 is checking out with a couple of jars of pickles and the register lady says something along the lines off "oh you boys having a pickle party?" Followed by guy one responding with a "Yes ma'am"
Guy 2 comes running up going "Hey hey, I can't find the condoms!" The women quickly clammed up and didn't talk as the check out continued.
A fun one is getting a girl to buy a pregnancy test and wire coat-hangers at the same time.
Funny-looks galore.
We got lazy one Christmas (it's Ohio, so it was cold to boot) and decided to just buy a package of toilet paper, put a bow on it, and leave it on our band director's door step rather than TP his house. His wife called my house while we were out and told my mother to thank us for not TPing the house. Then I got yelled at for TPing houses.
I, to this day, don't exactly know what the fuck happened there.
Time to Necro. Okay this one is not that great, but hopefully more people will add better stories after this. So, my friend, A, (don't worry, its the only name in this story) goes to college literall down the street from where I go to university. We also work at the same Canadian Tire (CT from here on in). Now, heres how directions work: Canadian Tire is like 20 minutes from our campuses, with our houses somewhere along the way, like 15 minutes from our schools tops. So one day, in the middle of school, he texts me, and asks if I can give him a ride home. Now, chock this up to it being a long day, but I'd assumed he'd wanted me to pick him up from Canadian Tire, on account of the fact I'd almost given him a rode home from there another day (wasn't necessary in the end). So I say sure, and at the end of the day drive the 20 minutes to CT. So, he said he'd be at the entrance, and I spend about five minutes waiting there, TALKING to him on the cell phone, our conversation going "Dude...where are you?" "At the front" "I'm AT the front and I don't see you" "Okay, I'll go outside" "Still don't see you." So we go back and forth a bit, then it hits me. He meant pick him up from his campus. I drove 20 minutes when he had been across the street. So I groan, and drive back. So about an hour and a half and half a tank of gas got spent for me to learn the lesson, BE SURE TO VERIFY THE LOCATION.
Yeah, that was kind of lame. Now someone else tell something better!
The Last Gent on
0
MichaelLCIn what furnace was thy brain?ChicagoRegistered Userregular
edited December 2007
The Last Gent's story made me think of this one:
When a co-worker and I were traveling for work, we went to the New York office for three weeks. Flew into JFK, got one car for the both of us, and drove to the office in the middle of LI. Never been to NY, so we do our work thing, have some fun, etc.
So it come time for him to leave, as I'm staying another week. He's driving to the next office, so I drive him to the rental agency at JFK, drop him off, and back to the hotel I go.
An hour I get a call from him; [Our Job] changed his reservation from JFK to Newark airport without telling him. The JFK brnach won't give him a car, and he's stuck on the wrong side of LI. After hours of trying to figure out what to do, he finaly gets a $100 airport shuttle to drive from JFK to Newark. Way to save money there, [My Job]!
I was at one of my friends places last weekend. His name is Mike (yes real names are being used). So we're playing CoD 4, just me him and Dustin. I should probably tell you this now that Dustin is gay. Anyways we're all fragging each other, being very durogative (I mean we call each other every racial slur and curse word we can think of, ive even madeup a couple) so I'm getting mad and into the game, probably more than I should be but I was being killed most so fuck that, to which we all decide on using rifles. Except Dustin who says "I'll stick with the assault rifle" and me not missing a cue blatantly exclaim "Assault rifles is fo' gays!" Ya I totally forgot he was in the room, I wasn't paying attention. Thank god he didn't hear me....
Posts
That's a book title right there
Then I stopped being a real ra and did a security escort job instead. It was pretty sweet - same deal (free room and board) and I just sat in an office playing video games from 8 pm to 2 am a couple nights per week. After the first two weeks of a semester, the only people who used the service were exchange students.
Security escort? Like a bodyguard for new people so they don't blunder into Mugger Town or Rapeville by accident, I'm guessing?
A strange moment, I scared the ever living crap out of a random guy handing out pamphlets once... and I only realized why I scared him a few months later. I was on my way back from the bank, sidewalk was pretty crowded. Now I'm a pretty wide (used to be in the hips, now it's mostly shoulders... thank God) yet well mannered sort of guy, so I always would turn to the side so I don't bump into people. Sometimes I would put one arm behind my back to maximize the space.
So here I am, dressed in dark glasses, my favorite black leather jacket, black jeans and a white shirt and this skinny as death dude almost a foot shorter than my tries to hand me a pamphlet. Except I don't see the pamphlet and think he's trying to get by me. So turn to the side and put one arm behind my back. His eyes widen, he staggers back and apologizes profusely before scurrying off.
Months later, I saw a guy with a gun in a holster at the small of his back and it suddenly clicked.
Poor guy, felt sorry for him.
STEAM
About two years ago I went to school a couple towns over, so I had to take a train to get there and get back home, and after school I usually had to wait a good half hour for it. So I'm standing there waiting when I see three little people just walking down the platform across from mine, just yelling "Your stupid! No your stupid! Nu uh your stupid!" at each other for a good five to ten minutes.
Random shit ftw.
this roused a big laugh, and every clustered to the windows to the sight of a battered looking Transit van sitting there, with a very embarrassed/angry looking security guard sitting in it.
the cycle of "help! help!" and a few seconds of alarm continued until we got fed up with it and left. The security guard got out and started smoking, i presume waiting for the police. was a little bizzarre.
We pass by an open dorm room where there is loud music playing and lots of people in there with a keg. Everyone clearly drinking on the dry campus. My roommate, absolutely wasted. And he is a large black guy, like double my size in every way, gets mad at this blatant disregard for the rules he is supposed to enforce. He is about to storm into their dorm party smashed and try to tell them that they were not to be drinking and bust them all. I am literally throwing myself on them to pull him back and prevent his drunk ass from going in there to bust them. They start to see us in the hallway struggling. He is ignoring me but fighting to walk in and starts yelling at them.
"YOU'RE ALL FUCKING BUSTED! NO ALCO...NO ALCH...NO DRINKING HERE!"
Im dragging myself and him away and telling them to shut their door. I was trying to keep a good hold while laughing, which was hard. Add onto that him being drunk, and really Im surprised I had any pull on him at all. Poor bastard was trying to dial the campus security on his RA phone when we got to our dorm. He was too drunk to dial properly so we ate our Taco Bell (we always go there when we get drunk) and went to sleep laughing about it. He would had lost his job if he was caught drunk like that, I think.
Fortunately he quit that job later. The bullshit he had to deal with was enormous and the management didn't appreciate his work at all. Later they even accused him of drinking in our dorm, as it was some sort of big RA rumor going around.
Oh man, me and my friends freaked out the guy who runs the liquor store a block from my house kind of like that. I was the first time I had a bunch of people over at my house, and some of my friends brought wine. I'm not much of a wine drinker, so despite having about 40 bottle openers, my house was without corkscrew. So we decide to head down to the store to see if they carry any. Me and about 4 other friends decide to go together so we walk down there, in our hoodies since it is chilly, and when we get there, we just file in and stand in front of the counter in a line. We realize that this procession has to look kind of odd, so we don't say anything for a second. The clerk gets this weird look on his face and I say, "Do you have any corkscrews for sale? We don't have any at the house."
He breathes this huge sigh and goes "Damn! I thought you kids were going to rob me!"
Since then, he has been so cool with us.
But did anyone call doorknob?
...>_>...
Maybe, I am. Maybe, I am. Horde side, 70 troll priest Jota.
</OT>
I'm familiar with the game. But we're not in high school anymore. The owner of the company walking in on his beating the shit out of the team lead will end much differently than the band director doing so, methinks.
bitch I am thefear in <dark whisper>
Small interweb, eh?
Seriously, haha. You know Brewcroo and Italianice, then. Those are two of my boys from Flawed.
We should probably take this to tells before the wrath of Elki raineth upon us.
Not even if you explain that he didn't call safety?
I am, of course, joking.
I hear a knock at the door, shout just a minute, throw on my shirt and get the door. It's this pretty strict muslim girl across the hall from me, she asks me to look at her i-pod, looking pretty uncomfortable. I reach out to take it, she stares at my hand mutters something and runs off. Confused I close the door, looking down at the handle and see my belt still undone, projecting at a 45 degree angle.
You have a dry campus? Good gods, sounds horrible.
Then again, buying litres of whisky during the morning at the supermarket is always quite embarrassing.
You're doing it wrong. Ring out the liquor between enemas and duct tape.
So one guy goes into our local market and heads towards the pickles and the other guy runs off to find the condoms.
Guy 1 is checking out with a couple of jars of pickles and the register lady says something along the lines off "oh you boys having a pickle party?" Followed by guy one responding with a "Yes ma'am"
Guy 2 comes running up going "Hey hey, I can't find the condoms!" The women quickly clammed up and didn't talk as the check out continued.
Back in high school we decided it was a good idea to drive around and egg people, so we went to our local Sobey's and each bought a dozen eggs (there was four of us). All four of us are at the check out and the lady working the register pretty much knows what we were going to be up to and comes up with "You boys making some scrambled eggs?" to which we reply with "Uh...yea, lots of scrambled eggs."
Not much of an embarrassing moment, more of a "Kinda awkward and lame" moment. But man did we egg the hell out of some people. God we were such retards back then.
That's just amazing.
A fun one is getting a girl to buy a pregnancy test and wire coat-hangers at the same time.
Funny-looks galore.
The EXACT same thing happened to us when we were egging one time. The wording itself is almost the same except we also had Pop Tarts so the cashier asked if we were making breakfast (at 1:25 in the morning) and we replied that we were making scrambled eggs.
On a completely embarrassing note, I was talking with some friends and acquaintances of mine when one of the people I barely knew said that they had to go and visit their mother. Me, being the stupid and insensitive person I am, asked if their parents were separated (I don't know why I asked). Turns out they were separated by several feet of ground... We laugh about it now.
I thank her and go back to talking about killing things. Two sentences into our conversation, she starts tapping me on the arm again. Trying to express my impatience without hurting her feelings I ask,"What?" To which she replies," I like your pants."
Thinking to myself," Whatever." I try talking again. Before I can get a word out the tapping starts again. after being bothered for the third time, I am not happy. And now I'm not trying to hide it. I look at her and say," What." Standing there with a stupid grin on her face she says," I like your shoes."
I'm eager to get back to the discussion now and she's run out of clothing. I get two words out and before she starts tapping, furiously, on my arm. Now I'm pissed. I turn to look at her and say," What now." Still grinning from ear to ear, she says," I like your eyes!"
Me and my friend slowly turn to look at eachother. My face looked something like this O_o, and his face looked something like this
It's been a couple months since that happened. She's tried messing up my hair on more than one occasion since then but has (thankfully) grown out of it.
Now she hits me.
Ahahhahahahaha
Aww, she likes you
Some times little kids affection can seem to cross the line of what is appropriate, but it's really innocent at heart, so it's a no harm no foul thing.
Case in point, one time I was lying face down on the couch trying to catch a quick nap, but we had some family friends over and one of their five year old daughters was pestering me to tell her a story. So I did. And then she asked if I was sleepy, and I told her that I was. She said that she too was sleepy, and decided just to hop right on top of me and fall asleep on my back like a cat would.
It was pretty adorable.
I, to this day, don't exactly know what the fuck happened there.
That was alt-text? I don't even remember it.
It is something fun to do though.
It was the alt-text for the one about going to the produce section with a tube of K-Y and a contemplative look.
Naw man, you don't ask out your friend's sister. It goes against the Man rules.
And, you know, she's 8 years old.
I...I was trying to go along with your joke. I thought that was apparant.
Yeah, that was kind of lame. Now someone else tell something better!
When a co-worker and I were traveling for work, we went to the New York office for three weeks. Flew into JFK, got one car for the both of us, and drove to the office in the middle of LI. Never been to NY, so we do our work thing, have some fun, etc.
So it come time for him to leave, as I'm staying another week. He's driving to the next office, so I drive him to the rental agency at JFK, drop him off, and back to the hotel I go.
An hour I get a call from him; [Our Job] changed his reservation from JFK to Newark airport without telling him. The JFK brnach won't give him a car, and he's stuck on the wrong side of LI. After hours of trying to figure out what to do, he finaly gets a $100 airport shuttle to drive from JFK to Newark. Way to save money there, [My Job]!
I was at one of my friends places last weekend. His name is Mike (yes real names are being used). So we're playing CoD 4, just me him and Dustin. I should probably tell you this now that Dustin is gay. Anyways we're all fragging each other, being very durogative (I mean we call each other every racial slur and curse word we can think of, ive even madeup a couple) so I'm getting mad and into the game, probably more than I should be but I was being killed most so fuck that, to which we all decide on using rifles. Except Dustin who says "I'll stick with the assault rifle" and me not missing a cue blatantly exclaim "Assault rifles is fo' gays!" Ya I totally forgot he was in the room, I wasn't paying attention. Thank god he didn't hear me....