Okay. I need help. I have a Bachelors in Accounting. I knew when I was studying the field I hated it. However, I thought once I got started in my career, I would learn more, adapt and it wouldn't be so bad. Turns out, it's bad. So I got my degree in 2012. I worked at a temp agency for six months then landed a job at a large utility company. I hated it. Not only did I hate it, I'm bad at it. I am an analyst and I can't analyze anything. Every day I am just overwhelmed because I fear people are going to figure out I know nothing about accounting and I've tried. I have no motivation to learn accounting at all. I have to google if revenues are credits or debits every day almost. So I spent about two years at this utility company and then moved into auditing. Realized I hated that more than what I was doing at the utility company (SEC financial statements) and went back to that big utility company. About three years later, again I was ready to drive my car into a median on the highway. I have severe depression and anxiety and I know this affects me a ton. However, I took a 6 week FMLA and all my depression and anxiety went away. No cocktail of medicines has ever been able to do that. I think I need to get out of accounting permanently. I even left that utility company for the second time and landed a supposedly less stressful job at a smaller company about two months ago. None of it is less stressful. The guy who got me here, the controller, said he was going to train me and help me along. Well, instead of doing that he quit on my second week. Now I'm trying to maintain reports of his I have no idea what they mean and I can see the end is coming. Basically, I feel incompetent. I cry at work nearly every day. I hate waking up because I don't want to be here. The problem is I make decent money, 63K. I can afford to live off less but I'm not sure how much less. I want to say 45K would be my minimum but all I have is a degree in a field that makes me miserable. I've thought about going back to school but what for? I am thinking about maybe going for an associates degree in physical therapy assistant but where I am this degree has a two year wait list before you ever start the program. Once you start, you cannot work full time. But I feel like no matter what I try or do, I fail. I'm not good enough to survive on my own. I actually find myself wishing anyone would just marry me so I don't have to take care of myself. I have really no interests and I never have. In my spare time I binge watch tv and try not to think about how whatever I do I'm making more mistakes that I can't dig myself out of. Basically, I'm stuck, confused and scared. So very very scared of messing up my future, my ability to retire, and keeping on this path of miserableness. I'm 28 and I wish I knew I was going to die in a few years so I could just say screw it, withdraw all my savings and live life like I want for three years without working. The silly thing is, I don't think I'd be happy doing that either. I have seen psychologist and psychiatrists for the majority of my life. None of it has helped. I'm lost. Help.
Update: I do see a therapist regularly. However, the amount of help he provides is minimal. I am scared that leaving accounting is a mistake as I make money but I hate my life here. The other issue is I have no idea what interests me. I have volunteered. I am taking a class this fall. I ask people what they do and how they figured out that's what they wanted. I just have no idea what I like and I never have. How do you figure out your interests? It's like I've been on an autopilot life just going wherever made sense at the time and I'm left wishing I could start over but no idea what I'd start over with.
Update: I don't want to do accounting anymore. I have a plan to go back to school to pursue an associates degree in Physical Therapist Assistant. However, in order to get through school I need a part time job. I have had little to no success finding that job. I think it is because I am paid way more than any of the jobs I'm applying to pay. I don't know how to get around this short of knowing someone (which I don't) to get a foot in the door. Any one have any ideas on how to find a low paying job when you make way too much money to be considered?