Congratulations on taking the first steps! Results will take time, but that's a real push in the right direction and I'm glad you feel good about it. I hope your therapist is a good fit and you get some support.
It's healthy to learn how to control those emotions.
I struggle with mild anxiety myself, and the catharsis of writing things down is powerful and helps you rationalize your feelings. For my anxiety, I find meditation to be my coping mechanism to get it under control.
not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
Don't get burned out if you don't get better "fast" - it took decades for your problems to appear, and it will take plenty of time to fix.
The more I think about it, the more likely that I’ve been struggling with this for decades, which is why I’m eager to finally start treating it.
Take today for example: logic dictates that the mistake I made at work was a minor one that won’t have any repurcutions. No matter how many times I told myself, though, I couldn’t stop freaking out internall for the entire day. In my head I wanted to scream, punch, cry and curl up. 12 hours later and I’m still not over it.
Just tells me how important it is for me to see someone. I should be able to squeeze the second session this week.
Don't get burned out if you don't get better "fast" - it took decades for your problems to appear, and it will take plenty of time to fix.
The more I think about it, the more likely that I’ve been struggling with this for decades, which is why I’m eager to finally start treating it.
Take today for example: logic dictates that the mistake I made at work was a minor one that won’t have any repurcutions. No matter how many times I told myself, though, I couldn’t stop freaking out internall for the entire day. In my head I wanted to scream, punch, cry and curl up. 12 hours later and I’m still not over it.
Just tells me how important it is for me to see someone. I should be able to squeeze the second session this week.
It's really good that you saw someone and are getting professional help. It's even better that you're eager to do so and to work on your issues. But echoing what CB said, it is very important to keep in mind that progress and change often come slowly when it comes to mental health. It can be very, very frustrating to get a handle on what is wrong and not be able to fix it quickly. The light at the end of the tunnel is finally there, but when weeks go by and you don't feel much closer it's all too easy to start believing that this is a waste of time and something else must be the answer. Or that things will never improve, and you will never get better, so fuck it all why don't I stop going because talking about all of this is hard and makes me feel worse instead of better. If squeezing in extra sessions helps you at all, then great, do it. But it's important to keep in mind that with something like this change and improvement are going to be gradual, and that going two or three times a week doesn't make you feel better 2x or 3x as fast. A lot of your progress will come down to self-internalization of things your therapist tells you and discusses with you, and that takes time.
Don't get burned out if you don't get better "fast" - it took decades for your problems to appear, and it will take plenty of time to fix.
The more I think about it, the more likely that I’ve been struggling with this for decades, which is why I’m eager to finally start treating it.
Take today for example: logic dictates that the mistake I made at work was a minor one that won’t have any repurcutions. No matter how many times I told myself, though, I couldn’t stop freaking out internall for the entire day. In my head I wanted to scream, punch, cry and curl up. 12 hours later and I’m still not over it.
Just tells me how important it is for me to see someone. I should be able to squeeze the second session this week.
It's really good that you saw someone and are getting professional help. It's even better that you're eager to do so and to work on your issues. But echoing what CB said, it is very important to keep in mind that progress and change often come slowly when it comes to mental health. It can be very, very frustrating to get a handle on what is wrong and not be able to fix it quickly. The light at the end of the tunnel is finally there, but when weeks go by and you don't feel much closer it's all too easy to start believing that this is a waste of time and something else must be the answer. Or that things will never improve, and you will never get better, so fuck it all why don't I stop going because talking about all of this is hard and makes me feel worse instead of better. If squeezing in extra sessions helps you at all, then great, do it. But it's important to keep in mind that with something like this change and improvement are going to be gradual, and that going two or three times a week doesn't make you feel better 2x or 3x as fast. A lot of your progress will come down to self-internalization of things your therapist tells you and discusses with you, and that takes time.
I understand all that. I’ve been patient about many other things, I should be patient about this. In fact just this second I got confirmation from my boss that the incident from the other day was minor and that I’ve got nothing to worry about.
But I’m still very concerned with how I was feeling the other day. It wasn’t just feeling nervous, I felt myself suffering physically. Not quite clutching my chest like I’m going to have a heart attack, but aches and pains and a struggle to move properly.
When this shit starts eating away at me on a physical level, that’s where I get worried that I need to treat this sooner rather than later. Next time I see the therapist it’s only going to be the second session, but I’ll definitely describe all this and inquire about any possible low dosage prescriptions or something.
As well as therapy and prescriptions, since your anxiety manifests physically you might want to investigate things like yoga and relaxation techniques, to calm your body along with your mind.
I definitely need to take the time to look up that stuff.
The therapist also vouched for exercise, but my stamina is still shit. 30 minutes on a treadmill is still the most I can manage, and it clearly isn’t enough.
Do you have any creative outlets? Some kind of practice that is regimented every day can help. For me it can be vigorous exercise, drawing, meditation, playing/practicing a musical instrument, and the easiest for me was journaling (I don't save anything I write cause usually it's me venting). Budget the time to do work on yourself, everyday. And for me it had to be stuff that was not for professional development otherwise I'd get locked in again.
Do you have any creative outlets? Some kind of practice that is regimented every day can help. For me it can be vigorous exercise, drawing, meditation, playing/practicing a musical instrument, and the easiest for me was journaling (I don't save anything I write cause usually it's me venting). Budget the time to do work on yourself, everyday. And for me it had to be stuff that was not for professional development otherwise I'd get locked in again.
I have several creative outlets, but unfortunately I put many of them off due to overanalyzing and hesitation. Basically, I talk myself out of it (“this will take too much work, it’ll end up crappy and no one will check it out anyway”). It’s one of my biggest personal hang ups that I hope I can fix first.
For what it’s worth, playing Final Fantasy Record Keeper at my phone at work relaxes me a bit. I even altered my mood today from miserable to pretty good after just an hour of finishing more dungeons, powering up my party’s equipment, earning more loot, etc.
Part of me thinks games are an outlet I retreat to to avoid the hard things in life, but there’s a positive aspect too. That’s probably why I like RPGs so much: the investment in progression (story, levels, loot, etc) takes my mind off things and gets my brain thinking less negatively.
just wanted to pop in and offer support. i've been in therapy for anxiety/depression for about 2 years now and it's made a huge difference for me. stay strong!
Huzzah for therapy! I was super happy to pop into this thread and see that you've taken the step. In the meantime, some stuff that can help a bit with what you're going through right now, which is, by the way, totally normal for anxiety-sufferers. I know days like that so very, very well.
* In a quiet moment at home, practice sitting with the way you feel about your mistake. Don't beat yourself up for feeling that way, just let yourself feel it. It's ok.
* After a while, ask yourself how you would respond if somebody else made that kind of mistake and you were their boss. Can you envision giving yourself the same kind of empathy and understanding you'd give somebody else?
That's really one of the biggest things we do as anxiety peeps - most of us are waaaay harder on ourselves than we are on other people (my mom says that my kindergarten teacher told her I needed to be less hard on myself!). The self-beating-up becomes reflexive, and one of the things you'll probably work on in therapy is how to interrupt that process before it gets to the point where you're worked up and feeling it physically. Those tools can be very helpful, but it's important to note that none of us can be successful at fending off an anxious episode 100% of the time. Once you're in the middle of one, it's cognitively and physically very difficult to stop. That's when self-care and self-forgiveness are really important, and when it's totally ok to use music, games, meditation, whatever to help calm down.
My best wishes to you on your therapy journey!
Want to find me on a gaming service? I'm SwashbucklerXX everywhere.
Props to you, starting is the hardest part. For me, it was very hard initially, but started feeling like running downhill after a year or two. There will be upset and downs, so just remember if you have a few steps back, take the time to see all the forward ones you've taken. I'd also recommend an emergency stash of anxiety meds, as just knowing they're there is a huge relief going into stressful situations.
Props to you, starting is the hardest part. For me, it was very hard initially, but started feeling like running downhill after a year or two. There will be upset and downs, so just remember if you have a few steps back, take the time to see all the forward ones you've taken. I'd also recommend an emergency stash of anxiety meds, as just knowing they're there is a huge relief going into stressful situations.
Yea i second the keeping a stash. I was able to stop taking my meds especially since my anxiety was tied to my adhd. However I still have my daily and panic attack meds just in case. Havn't had to dip into them yet but a few times came close
just wanted to pop in and offer support. i've been in therapy for anxiety/depression for about 2 years now and it's made a huge difference for me. stay strong!
You ever feel like there’s an end in sight that you won’t have to seek therapy anymore?
That’s one of the things I worry about, which I’m also well aware of the irony. I hate to think that I can’t be completely “cured”, or that there’s only a certain level I can reach and no further.
I could live with a situation where such thoughts and feelings are far fewer in-between than they are now. I’ve said this rather confidently to people in person: I don’t want to change, I want to get better. I don’t want my personality to do a complete 180, I just want to fix the things that hold me back.
Second session is later today, by the way. If you have any advice on things I should specifically bring up or inquire, I’m listening.
I have several creative outlets, but unfortunately I put many of them off due to overanalyzing and hesitation. Basically, I talk myself out of it (“this will take too much work, it’ll end up crappy and no one will check it out anyway”). It’s one of my biggest personal hang ups that I hope I can fix first.
Respond to each of those question in your mind with: "I'm doing this to have fun in creating, not to do something with them."
Biggest realization I had with art: the fun part is making it, not having it. Just enjoy making stuff in a way you like to do, and the rest falls into place. It could be crayons and a coloring book or expensive 3d software, the point is to ejoy the sense of creation I think, rather than focusing on if you will be "good" or if anyone will care you made something.
just wanted to pop in and offer support. i've been in therapy for anxiety/depression for about 2 years now and it's made a huge difference for me. stay strong!
You ever feel like there’s an end in sight that you won’t have to seek therapy anymore?
That’s one of the things I worry about, which I’m also well aware of the irony. I hate to think that I can’t be completely “cured”, or that there’s only a certain level I can reach and no further.
I could live with a situation where such thoughts and feelings are far fewer in-between than they are now. I’ve said this rather confidently to people in person: I don’t want to change, I want to get better. I don’t want my personality to do a complete 180, I just want to fix the things that hold me back.
Second session is later today, by the way. If you have any advice on things I should specifically bring up or inquire, I’m listening.
It may help to maybe consider this from a different perspective, and not that you will be "cured" and never need to go to therapy again. I know it's kind of the "accepted" way of thinking (at least in most of the US) that you go to see a therapist when you have a problem, but otherwise you should be "normal" and deal with life or whatever. Mental health is often considered something you should be able to "tough it out" and is treated as much less a real thing than physical health. I pretty strongly disagree with that, though.
Regular therapy (to some degree) is something that everyone should be doing. Just like you get regular physicals with a doctor even if you aren't sick, and just like you should regularly exercise to keep your body in good shape, you also need to do a little bit extra on the mental/emotional side as well.
Just as no one is perfectly physically healthy, no one is perfectly mentally/emotionally healthy either. Everyone's just faking it :P
(Reading over this, I noticed used a bunch of "quotation marks" in this "post." :P )
Edit: Not to say that you won't reach a point where your anxiety is holding you back from the stuff you want to do in life as it is now. Therapy and such should help things get better! It's just a matter of your perspective as to an end goal or whatnot.
Second session is later today, by the way. If you have any advice on things I should specifically bring up or inquire, I’m listening.
Bring up the questions/concerns you asked in this post. Those are excellent topics to discuss with your therapist.
In regards to the other parts of your post: therapy, for the vast majority of people, isn't something they do every single week for the rest of their lives. It's something that is there for you for however long you feel you need it...and if you don't feel you need it for 15 years and then feel like it might be helpful again, you can start it up again. Don't look at therapy/treatment as a ball and chain - consider it more like something that helps you build good emotional/mental frameworks, so you can be an improved version of yourself.
You can choose to have less frequent sessions, if things are going well for you, and you and your therapist feel that you'd still benefit from a session once every month or two, for example. Mental illness does not function on a permanent On/Off switch, and neither does treatment. I have been in and out of therapy as I've needed it over the years, and that has worked out very well for me. Sometimes that means I've gone to a therapist for a straight year, sometimes that means I've gone back for a few sessions to discuss a particular topic that I'd been struggling with at the time. That's what has worked out best for me personally - and everybody is different. Try to embrace this, again, rather than feeling bummed or tied down about it. You know how you have to practice something to get good at it? Consider therapy to be one of those practice sessions in improving your mental health.
Had my second session on Friday, told her about my freakout from earlier in the week regarding work.
I will admit I came out of that session feeling more frustrated than relieved. She kept emphasizing that I had to "mentally train" to block the anxious thoughts out of my head, but every time I interjected with "I don't know how", she just said I had to figure it out.
And when the subject of taking meds came up, she also just took a neutral response with "I can't tell you if you need it. Results say it could help, or it couldn't. It's up to you." Apparently therapists aren't allowed to give opinions. In any event, she gave me the contact info of a psychiatrist who can prescribe medication. Said he was really good, and the first visit should help him to decide whether I should take meds or not. Incidentally, he's right next door to where I work, which would be convenient considering she's a bit on the far side.
But there were two pieces of advice that she did give me that I'm putting into practice, or at least trying to:
1. When I feel like I'm overthinking too far ahead (which I often do), mentally envision a STOP sign that I can't cross. Stop worrying about things that are far away, focus on the now.
2. When having a negative thought, "challenge" it with a positive spin. Focus on the upside of the situation, even if it's minimal. The point is to challenge my perspective of things.
Since then I've felt pretty...well, not stressed, which in itself is a relief. I just keep picturing that STOP sign, pushing away things like "Shit, I have to go to work tomorrow and the morning sucks so much and the traffic sucks too..." and instead think about how relaxed I am now and how I'm getting my daily duties done while going to play The Evil Within 2 shortly.
I'm still planning to see the psychiatrist, because if the therapist isn't going to tell me whether my condition is severe enough that I should consider meds, hopefully he'll be more upfront about it.
Hmm....those first responses from her seem....problematic, or just lazy/intentionally vague, on her part. She may not be a great therapist, or she may be using some technique I'm not familiar with, but if you're getting some good info out of these sessions with her, see her for as long as you feel comfortable. Know that you can change therapists if you're getting frustrated with her non-answers, though! That would frustrate me, too.
For the record, the things she actually suggested to you are actual steps you can take to make you feel less anxious. Personally I've had a lot of luck with cognitive behavioral therapy, in teaching myself to stop my depressive/anxious thoughts from grabbing hold of me and spiraling out of control. It takes some practice, but it gets easier the more you do it.
First step is recognizing that you're experiencing a depressive or anxious thought. It helped me to see my "rational self" as separate from my "depressive/anxious self". I might start thinking, "oh no, I'm really struggling with this piece of art. I bet I'll NEVER get this right. Then I'll never get a good job....oh God, I'm AWFUL. I'm so bad at this. I'm going to be a failure. I'm going to never get a job and I'm going to be homeless".
I taught myself to stop earlier and earlier along that chain of thought. I'm now at the point where right after thinking "I'll never get this right", another voice pops in (my "rational side"), and says "that's silly now. You're struggling, but that doesn't mean you'll never figure this out. Just think of all the times you've figured this kind of thing out in the past! Struggling is okay, it means you're challenging yourself, which is good! Just keep trying, don't worry ".
Some days are easier than others, and some days I have one of these thoughts once, and then it goes away. Other days it will be an endless stream that I have to combat, until I sometimes decide that I just need to take a quick break and chill out. The important thing though is that I've learned to handle these thoughts more and more effectively, and in a much healthier manner. It sounds like your therapist is starting you on this same track, so I hope it works well for you too! Looking up some other "CBT" techniques might be useful for you, too. Congrats on your second appointment!
I definitely need to take the time to look up that stuff.
The therapist also vouched for exercise, but my stamina is still shit. 30 minutes on a treadmill is still the most I can manage, and it clearly isn’t enough.
Why isn't 30 minutes on a threadmill enough? Because maintaining a jog for 30 minutes is pretty decent.
But honestly, if you're exercising to combat depression/anxiety then fun should be a component. I can't run on a threadmill for shit (because I mentally break down at the monotony and the on the nose "I'm running, but I'm getting nowhere" metaphor), but I can manage a 1 hour of session of Just Dance and if I'm sweating like a pig afterwards I've succeeded in my goal (with the added benefit that my record on "Bailar" is over 12500. Still chasing that perfect 13000+ run).
"The western world sips from a poisonous cocktail: Polarisation, populism, protectionism and post-truth"
-Antje Jackelén, Archbishop of the Church of Sweden
If you don't gel with a therapist, use your consumer power to find another one. She really should be helping you discover how to deal with anxious thoughts, not just telling you to figure it out yourself.
If you don't gel with a therapist, use your consumer power to find another one. She really should be helping you discover how to deal with anxious thoughts, not just telling you to figure it out yourself.
The thing is, the best way of stopping a negative thought spiral is highly individual. How good a therapist is...that's hardly something we can decide when we're not there and not present. Especially since we don't even know which version of psychotherapy she subscribes to. There are several schools where the foundational principle is that there therapists job is helping a patient achieve self-knowledge of their problems, and with that knowledge figure out how to help themselves.
"The western world sips from a poisonous cocktail: Polarisation, populism, protectionism and post-truth"
-Antje Jackelén, Archbishop of the Church of Sweden
Don't get burned out if you don't get better "fast" - it took decades for your problems to appear, and it will take plenty of time to fix.
The more I think about it, the more likely that I’ve been struggling with this for decades, which is why I’m eager to finally start treating it.
Take today for example: logic dictates that the mistake I made at work was a minor one that won’t have any repurcutions. No matter how many times I told myself, though, I couldn’t stop freaking out internall for the entire day. In my head I wanted to scream, punch, cry and curl up. 12 hours later and I’m still not over it.
Just tells me how important it is for me to see someone. I should be able to squeeze the second session this week.
It's really good that you saw someone and are getting professional help. It's even better that you're eager to do so and to work on your issues. But echoing what CB said, it is very important to keep in mind that progress and change often come slowly when it comes to mental health. It can be very, very frustrating to get a handle on what is wrong and not be able to fix it quickly. The light at the end of the tunnel is finally there, but when weeks go by and you don't feel much closer it's all too easy to start believing that this is a waste of time and something else must be the answer. Or that things will never improve, and you will never get better, so fuck it all why don't I stop going because talking about all of this is hard and makes me feel worse instead of better. If squeezing in extra sessions helps you at all, then great, do it. But it's important to keep in mind that with something like this change and improvement are going to be gradual, and that going two or three times a week doesn't make you feel better 2x or 3x as fast. A lot of your progress will come down to self-internalization of things your therapist tells you and discusses with you, and that takes time.
I understand all that. I’ve been patient about many other things, I should be patient about this. In fact just this second I got confirmation from my boss that the incident from the other day was minor and that I’ve got nothing to worry about.
But I’m still very concerned with how I was feeling the other day. It wasn’t just feeling nervous, I felt myself suffering physically. Not quite clutching my chest like I’m going to have a heart attack, but aches and pains and a struggle to move properly.
When this shit starts eating away at me on a physical level, that’s where I get worried that I need to treat this sooner rather than later. Next time I see the therapist it’s only going to be the second session, but I’ll definitely describe all this and inquire about any possible low dosage prescriptions or something.
I went through something very similar but it took me ages to realize my physical symptoms were caused by anxiety
if you are interested in medication, you will probably be prescribed a low dose of an anti-depressant. I take 10 mg of lexapro a day and it really changed my life for the better. You should be aware that that class of drugs work well for some people and not well for others. My doctor advised me to see if any of my close family take an anti depressant, and if they do and they have had a good experience than that's a good place to start. Compatibility with these drugs is often genetic. It's possible you may need to take a few different kinds to find one that works for you.
they do have some unfortunate side effects - I gained some weight, for instance, but given how miserable I was before it was well worth the trade-off.
It's not a magic bullet though, and you'll need to work in other ways to lessen your anxiety. If you drink alcohol, reduce the amount you drink. Alcohol amplifies anxiety as you withdraw from it. Exercise and a good diet helps, staying busy and getting enough sleep are great.
On the long term, things like meditation, cognitive behavioral therapy, and reading on anxiety and what causes it can be helpful. I like the insight timer app on my phone for meditation.
That's... interesting on the therapist's part. She did give you some suggestions that are rooted in cognitive behavioral therapy, but "figure it out yourself" so early on is definitely not part of that system. Therapists trained in CBT or EFT (emotion-focused therapy), two of the biggies used to treat anxiety, should have a raft of suggestions for ways to disrupt anxious thoughts, and can give you homework to try them out and then report back on how they worked for you. Sounds like she at least kinda did that, but if her method does end up feeling too unfocused for you, there are definitely other therapists out there who can present a more practical step-by-step form of therapy.
Want to find me on a gaming service? I'm SwashbucklerXX everywhere.
just wanted to pop in and offer support. i've been in therapy for anxiety/depression for about 2 years now and it's made a huge difference for me. stay strong!
You ever feel like there’s an end in sight that you won’t have to seek therapy anymore?
That’s one of the things I worry about, which I’m also well aware of the irony. I hate to think that I can’t be completely “cured”, or that there’s only a certain level I can reach and no further.
I could live with a situation where such thoughts and feelings are far fewer in-between than they are now. I’ve said this rather confidently to people in person: I don’t want to change, I want to get better. I don’t want my personality to do a complete 180, I just want to fix the things that hold me back.
Second session is later today, by the way. If you have any advice on things I should specifically bring up or inquire, I’m listening.
As I've worked through things and gotten much more capable of managing my depression and anxiety, I've dropped from weekly sessions to biweekly to now monthly. I could probably stop going entirely but I'm still seeing value. A few months ago I had a bit of a regression so I went back to weekly then pared back down. I don't think there's any reason to believe that I'll continue going forever, though.
edit: Forgot to mention, when I first started going, I had very similar fears. Don't have much specific advice about it, just that I know where you're coming from.
Unfortunately, I have to put a temporary halt on the sessions, as my latest blood test revealed that my thyroid was high. I have to get a second test to confirm it, and then see a specialist to get treatment options.
Ironically, some of the symptoms include “mood swings” and “tiredness”. I doubt that’s the cause of my anxiety since this has been a years long thing, but maybe once I get it treated it will help my other problems get under control.
Still sucks as I was planning to see the psychiatrist next week. I’ve felt pretty good this week, but I’ve had moments of inner panic (like the other day when I read a posting about one doctor’s claim that your brain still functions after death, leaving you trapped with the knowledge that you are dead...I started breathing heavily and wanted to sprint out of my desk chair in a panic, until reading comments how the doctor was a known crackpot....but the existential dread still pops up here and there).
I don't understand, why do you have to put sessions on hold?
None of these doctors do weekends, and I have an 8-5 schedule.
Even though I have lots and lots of time off (one of the big perks of being a government employee), I’m limited to taking no more than four days off a month (it’s not officially imposed, but that was what my supervisor recommended).
KoopahTroopahThe koopas, the troopas.Philadelphia, PARegistered Userregular
Not much to add, just here to offer support. I went through a depressive and anxiety phase when I graduated college without a job, broke up with my ex of 2 years, and my parents got divorced. You could read through that thread over here (which I haven't updated in two years and should probably do to put a nice happy stamp on the whole thing) if you needed more assertion to keep getting help.
I'll just say that not only did I see my primary care about getting a prescription for anxiety meds, I also met with a sleep disorder doctor because I wasn't getting healthy sleep. I ended up getting a Cpap machine and used it for the better part of a year before stopping, it was irritating to sleep with but overall it really helped my everyday mood and was instrumental in helping me feel better.
Keep on keeping on Snuggles. You got friends here.
Some therapists do online sessions. Worth investigating. Don't give up so easily.
The one I saw did online, but that wasn’t covered by my insurance.
I’m not going to put it off too long, but I have to take care of my more immediate issues. For what it’s worth I’ve felt pretty good this week and I’ve been applying the mental techniques I was suggested (“focus on right now, don’t think too far ahead”).
Also, if your employer has an Employee Assistance Program, get their number and use it. This is a benefit that people don't know about, and they can provide you with a therapist to speak with over the phone, give you referrals, even arrange some sessions with a local therapist at no cost to you.
A few years ago, I was having some mild anxiety issues and I took advantage of our employer EAP. Personally, I thought the person I saw was worthless. He pretty much just confirmed that I was experiencing anxiety...but that's it...no advice, nothing. But yeah, not all EAP are equal and YRMV. I think there was a certain amount of "just get over it" and "have you tried NOT being anxious" stigma going on. But I also work for state gov't in a very red state so I think there is definitely that mentality of "poor mental health is a character weakness" where I live.
In my case, I think my anxiety was the general, "I think something is medically wrong with me and I'm going to drop dead any second, but I can't really describe *what* is wrong" well..about a year later I discovered I *did* have some dietary/digestive issues and once those were brought under control, I haven't had any issues since then. I realize though that I'm kind of lucky and my situation was minor.
Just popping in to say (1) good for you for tackling this head-on, (2) therapy may or may not work, and individual therapists may or may not work, none've ever clicked for me, and I've tried multiple times, (3) better living through chemistry! anxiety is a physical problem with your brain that triggers inappropriate fight-or-flight responses, and so full relief will require acknowledging this physical aspect and altering your brain chemistry through SSRIs/similar drugs, exercise, meditation, and diet, requiring a constant combined effort on all of these, and (4) really don't disregard the medication route, a few people still have uninformed views of the actual ramifications/effects of meds, and it can be a shitty journey to find the proper meds, but they benefited my life in a wholly positive way and I wish I'd had them when I was a teenager.
I had a goddamn miserable night last night: despite going to sleep the same time as usual and my eyes already heavy, I ended up tossing and turning with my eyes popping wide awake. I simply did not get a single hour of sleep the entire time, and I felt my heart racing real fast while generating a lot of body heat (metaphorically? it just felt like I was letting off a lot of steam).
I’m not sure why that happened. It could be because I have a tendency to have a shot of cuban coffee after dinner. I never thought it would affect my sleep since it’s typically three hours before bedtime, but I’ve been lectured that the effects could last much longer. Henceforth, I’ll be putting a stop to that and see if I improve.
On another note, I wanted to ask: is laziness a common sign of anxiety? I’ve had this long habit of trying things out and giving up early: physical therapy, mental therapy, exercises, etc. And when I try to inquire about things like what kind of career I should take, I end up shying away and stop from even looking up information. I think it’s a result of trying to steer clear of further stress (for example: a job field I was interested in ends up sounding harder/less lucrative than I’d hope, which leaves me feeling miserable). For example, NanoWrimo starts tomorrow. I’ve put it off every year and have felt miserable for not even trying. This year I want to break the cycle, in the hopes it will push me out of my extended writer’s block. But when I think about the deadline to begin coming up, I end up feeling nervous and anxious. Same as usual.
This is a common habit I really want to get rid of, but I’m wondering if it relates to the bigger issue at hand (anxiety), and thus why I need to continue seeing someone and possibly take meds if deemed necessary. Like many of the things that give me grief in life, I want to take control and put an end to it.
I have a tendency to have a shot of cuban coffee after dinner. I never thought it would affect my sleep since it’s typically three hours before bedtime, but I’ve been lectured that the effects could last much longer. Henceforth, I’ll be putting a stop to that and see if I improve.
Uh, how much caffeine are you ingesting? Daily?
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EncA Fool with CompassionPronouns: He, Him, HisRegistered Userregular
Also, there is no winning or losing NaNoWriMo. You just write or you don't. There are no stakes and nothing to prove.
I have a tendency to have a shot of cuban coffee after dinner. I never thought it would affect my sleep since it’s typically three hours before bedtime, but I’ve been lectured that the effects could last much longer. Henceforth, I’ll be putting a stop to that and see if I improve.
Uh, how much caffeine are you ingesting? Daily?
I start the morning with a thermostat of American Coffee (not that strong but it’s all I got at that time).
A couple hours after lunch I’ll have a cafe con leche (8 oz).
Sometimes I’ll have a shot of cuban coffee around 5pm. About an oz I’d say.
After dinner I’ll have another shot. This one might be the one that’s fucking me up (even though I never had it that bad before), so I’m going to put a stop to that, barring weekends.
caffeine is not a good drug for anxiety, especially when your intake is inconsistent. it's a hard slog to go cold turkey but i'd strongly suggest cutting down drastically to one or two cups a day.
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I struggle with mild anxiety myself, and the catharsis of writing things down is powerful and helps you rationalize your feelings. For my anxiety, I find meditation to be my coping mechanism to get it under control.
The more I think about it, the more likely that I’ve been struggling with this for decades, which is why I’m eager to finally start treating it.
Take today for example: logic dictates that the mistake I made at work was a minor one that won’t have any repurcutions. No matter how many times I told myself, though, I couldn’t stop freaking out internall for the entire day. In my head I wanted to scream, punch, cry and curl up. 12 hours later and I’m still not over it.
Just tells me how important it is for me to see someone. I should be able to squeeze the second session this week.
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It's really good that you saw someone and are getting professional help. It's even better that you're eager to do so and to work on your issues. But echoing what CB said, it is very important to keep in mind that progress and change often come slowly when it comes to mental health. It can be very, very frustrating to get a handle on what is wrong and not be able to fix it quickly. The light at the end of the tunnel is finally there, but when weeks go by and you don't feel much closer it's all too easy to start believing that this is a waste of time and something else must be the answer. Or that things will never improve, and you will never get better, so fuck it all why don't I stop going because talking about all of this is hard and makes me feel worse instead of better. If squeezing in extra sessions helps you at all, then great, do it. But it's important to keep in mind that with something like this change and improvement are going to be gradual, and that going two or three times a week doesn't make you feel better 2x or 3x as fast. A lot of your progress will come down to self-internalization of things your therapist tells you and discusses with you, and that takes time.
I understand all that. I’ve been patient about many other things, I should be patient about this. In fact just this second I got confirmation from my boss that the incident from the other day was minor and that I’ve got nothing to worry about.
But I’m still very concerned with how I was feeling the other day. It wasn’t just feeling nervous, I felt myself suffering physically. Not quite clutching my chest like I’m going to have a heart attack, but aches and pains and a struggle to move properly.
When this shit starts eating away at me on a physical level, that’s where I get worried that I need to treat this sooner rather than later. Next time I see the therapist it’s only going to be the second session, but I’ll definitely describe all this and inquire about any possible low dosage prescriptions or something.
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The therapist also vouched for exercise, but my stamina is still shit. 30 minutes on a treadmill is still the most I can manage, and it clearly isn’t enough.
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I have several creative outlets, but unfortunately I put many of them off due to overanalyzing and hesitation. Basically, I talk myself out of it (“this will take too much work, it’ll end up crappy and no one will check it out anyway”). It’s one of my biggest personal hang ups that I hope I can fix first.
For what it’s worth, playing Final Fantasy Record Keeper at my phone at work relaxes me a bit. I even altered my mood today from miserable to pretty good after just an hour of finishing more dungeons, powering up my party’s equipment, earning more loot, etc.
Part of me thinks games are an outlet I retreat to to avoid the hard things in life, but there’s a positive aspect too. That’s probably why I like RPGs so much: the investment in progression (story, levels, loot, etc) takes my mind off things and gets my brain thinking less negatively.
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* In a quiet moment at home, practice sitting with the way you feel about your mistake. Don't beat yourself up for feeling that way, just let yourself feel it. It's ok.
* After a while, ask yourself how you would respond if somebody else made that kind of mistake and you were their boss. Can you envision giving yourself the same kind of empathy and understanding you'd give somebody else?
That's really one of the biggest things we do as anxiety peeps - most of us are waaaay harder on ourselves than we are on other people (my mom says that my kindergarten teacher told her I needed to be less hard on myself!). The self-beating-up becomes reflexive, and one of the things you'll probably work on in therapy is how to interrupt that process before it gets to the point where you're worked up and feeling it physically. Those tools can be very helpful, but it's important to note that none of us can be successful at fending off an anxious episode 100% of the time. Once you're in the middle of one, it's cognitively and physically very difficult to stop. That's when self-care and self-forgiveness are really important, and when it's totally ok to use music, games, meditation, whatever to help calm down.
My best wishes to you on your therapy journey!
Yea i second the keeping a stash. I was able to stop taking my meds especially since my anxiety was tied to my adhd. However I still have my daily and panic attack meds just in case. Havn't had to dip into them yet but a few times came close
You ever feel like there’s an end in sight that you won’t have to seek therapy anymore?
That’s one of the things I worry about, which I’m also well aware of the irony. I hate to think that I can’t be completely “cured”, or that there’s only a certain level I can reach and no further.
I could live with a situation where such thoughts and feelings are far fewer in-between than they are now. I’ve said this rather confidently to people in person: I don’t want to change, I want to get better. I don’t want my personality to do a complete 180, I just want to fix the things that hold me back.
Second session is later today, by the way. If you have any advice on things I should specifically bring up or inquire, I’m listening.
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Respond to each of those question in your mind with: "I'm doing this to have fun in creating, not to do something with them."
Biggest realization I had with art: the fun part is making it, not having it. Just enjoy making stuff in a way you like to do, and the rest falls into place. It could be crayons and a coloring book or expensive 3d software, the point is to ejoy the sense of creation I think, rather than focusing on if you will be "good" or if anyone will care you made something.
It may help to maybe consider this from a different perspective, and not that you will be "cured" and never need to go to therapy again. I know it's kind of the "accepted" way of thinking (at least in most of the US) that you go to see a therapist when you have a problem, but otherwise you should be "normal" and deal with life or whatever. Mental health is often considered something you should be able to "tough it out" and is treated as much less a real thing than physical health. I pretty strongly disagree with that, though.
Regular therapy (to some degree) is something that everyone should be doing. Just like you get regular physicals with a doctor even if you aren't sick, and just like you should regularly exercise to keep your body in good shape, you also need to do a little bit extra on the mental/emotional side as well.
Just as no one is perfectly physically healthy, no one is perfectly mentally/emotionally healthy either. Everyone's just faking it :P
(Reading over this, I noticed used a bunch of "quotation marks" in this "post." :P )
Edit: Not to say that you won't reach a point where your anxiety is holding you back from the stuff you want to do in life as it is now. Therapy and such should help things get better! It's just a matter of your perspective as to an end goal or whatnot.
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Bring up the questions/concerns you asked in this post. Those are excellent topics to discuss with your therapist.
In regards to the other parts of your post: therapy, for the vast majority of people, isn't something they do every single week for the rest of their lives. It's something that is there for you for however long you feel you need it...and if you don't feel you need it for 15 years and then feel like it might be helpful again, you can start it up again. Don't look at therapy/treatment as a ball and chain - consider it more like something that helps you build good emotional/mental frameworks, so you can be an improved version of yourself.
You can choose to have less frequent sessions, if things are going well for you, and you and your therapist feel that you'd still benefit from a session once every month or two, for example. Mental illness does not function on a permanent On/Off switch, and neither does treatment. I have been in and out of therapy as I've needed it over the years, and that has worked out very well for me. Sometimes that means I've gone to a therapist for a straight year, sometimes that means I've gone back for a few sessions to discuss a particular topic that I'd been struggling with at the time. That's what has worked out best for me personally - and everybody is different. Try to embrace this, again, rather than feeling bummed or tied down about it. You know how you have to practice something to get good at it? Consider therapy to be one of those practice sessions in improving your mental health.
I will admit I came out of that session feeling more frustrated than relieved. She kept emphasizing that I had to "mentally train" to block the anxious thoughts out of my head, but every time I interjected with "I don't know how", she just said I had to figure it out.
And when the subject of taking meds came up, she also just took a neutral response with "I can't tell you if you need it. Results say it could help, or it couldn't. It's up to you." Apparently therapists aren't allowed to give opinions. In any event, she gave me the contact info of a psychiatrist who can prescribe medication. Said he was really good, and the first visit should help him to decide whether I should take meds or not. Incidentally, he's right next door to where I work, which would be convenient considering she's a bit on the far side.
But there were two pieces of advice that she did give me that I'm putting into practice, or at least trying to:
1. When I feel like I'm overthinking too far ahead (which I often do), mentally envision a STOP sign that I can't cross. Stop worrying about things that are far away, focus on the now.
2. When having a negative thought, "challenge" it with a positive spin. Focus on the upside of the situation, even if it's minimal. The point is to challenge my perspective of things.
Since then I've felt pretty...well, not stressed, which in itself is a relief. I just keep picturing that STOP sign, pushing away things like "Shit, I have to go to work tomorrow and the morning sucks so much and the traffic sucks too..." and instead think about how relaxed I am now and how I'm getting my daily duties done while going to play The Evil Within 2 shortly.
I'm still planning to see the psychiatrist, because if the therapist isn't going to tell me whether my condition is severe enough that I should consider meds, hopefully he'll be more upfront about it.
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For the record, the things she actually suggested to you are actual steps you can take to make you feel less anxious. Personally I've had a lot of luck with cognitive behavioral therapy, in teaching myself to stop my depressive/anxious thoughts from grabbing hold of me and spiraling out of control. It takes some practice, but it gets easier the more you do it.
First step is recognizing that you're experiencing a depressive or anxious thought. It helped me to see my "rational self" as separate from my "depressive/anxious self". I might start thinking, "oh no, I'm really struggling with this piece of art. I bet I'll NEVER get this right. Then I'll never get a good job....oh God, I'm AWFUL. I'm so bad at this. I'm going to be a failure. I'm going to never get a job and I'm going to be homeless".
I taught myself to stop earlier and earlier along that chain of thought. I'm now at the point where right after thinking "I'll never get this right", another voice pops in (my "rational side"), and says "that's silly now. You're struggling, but that doesn't mean you'll never figure this out. Just think of all the times you've figured this kind of thing out in the past! Struggling is okay, it means you're challenging yourself, which is good! Just keep trying, don't worry
Some days are easier than others, and some days I have one of these thoughts once, and then it goes away. Other days it will be an endless stream that I have to combat, until I sometimes decide that I just need to take a quick break and chill out. The important thing though is that I've learned to handle these thoughts more and more effectively, and in a much healthier manner. It sounds like your therapist is starting you on this same track, so I hope it works well for you too! Looking up some other "CBT" techniques might be useful for you, too. Congrats on your second appointment!
Why isn't 30 minutes on a threadmill enough? Because maintaining a jog for 30 minutes is pretty decent.
But honestly, if you're exercising to combat depression/anxiety then fun should be a component. I can't run on a threadmill for shit (because I mentally break down at the monotony and the on the nose "I'm running, but I'm getting nowhere" metaphor), but I can manage a 1 hour of session of Just Dance and if I'm sweating like a pig afterwards I've succeeded in my goal (with the added benefit that my record on "Bailar" is over 12500. Still chasing that perfect 13000+ run).
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The thing is, the best way of stopping a negative thought spiral is highly individual. How good a therapist is...that's hardly something we can decide when we're not there and not present. Especially since we don't even know which version of psychotherapy she subscribes to. There are several schools where the foundational principle is that there therapists job is helping a patient achieve self-knowledge of their problems, and with that knowledge figure out how to help themselves.
-Antje Jackelén, Archbishop of the Church of Sweden
I went through something very similar but it took me ages to realize my physical symptoms were caused by anxiety
if you are interested in medication, you will probably be prescribed a low dose of an anti-depressant. I take 10 mg of lexapro a day and it really changed my life for the better. You should be aware that that class of drugs work well for some people and not well for others. My doctor advised me to see if any of my close family take an anti depressant, and if they do and they have had a good experience than that's a good place to start. Compatibility with these drugs is often genetic. It's possible you may need to take a few different kinds to find one that works for you.
they do have some unfortunate side effects - I gained some weight, for instance, but given how miserable I was before it was well worth the trade-off.
It's not a magic bullet though, and you'll need to work in other ways to lessen your anxiety. If you drink alcohol, reduce the amount you drink. Alcohol amplifies anxiety as you withdraw from it. Exercise and a good diet helps, staying busy and getting enough sleep are great.
On the long term, things like meditation, cognitive behavioral therapy, and reading on anxiety and what causes it can be helpful. I like the insight timer app on my phone for meditation.
As I've worked through things and gotten much more capable of managing my depression and anxiety, I've dropped from weekly sessions to biweekly to now monthly. I could probably stop going entirely but I'm still seeing value. A few months ago I had a bit of a regression so I went back to weekly then pared back down. I don't think there's any reason to believe that I'll continue going forever, though.
edit: Forgot to mention, when I first started going, I had very similar fears. Don't have much specific advice about it, just that I know where you're coming from.
Ironically, some of the symptoms include “mood swings” and “tiredness”. I doubt that’s the cause of my anxiety since this has been a years long thing, but maybe once I get it treated it will help my other problems get under control.
Still sucks as I was planning to see the psychiatrist next week. I’ve felt pretty good this week, but I’ve had moments of inner panic (like the other day when I read a posting about one doctor’s claim that your brain still functions after death, leaving you trapped with the knowledge that you are dead...I started breathing heavily and wanted to sprint out of my desk chair in a panic, until reading comments how the doctor was a known crackpot....but the existential dread still pops up here and there).
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None of these doctors do weekends, and I have an 8-5 schedule.
Even though I have lots and lots of time off (one of the big perks of being a government employee), I’m limited to taking no more than four days off a month (it’s not officially imposed, but that was what my supervisor recommended).
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I'll just say that not only did I see my primary care about getting a prescription for anxiety meds, I also met with a sleep disorder doctor because I wasn't getting healthy sleep. I ended up getting a Cpap machine and used it for the better part of a year before stopping, it was irritating to sleep with but overall it really helped my everyday mood and was instrumental in helping me feel better.
Keep on keeping on Snuggles. You got friends here.
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The one I saw did online, but that wasn’t covered by my insurance.
I’m not going to put it off too long, but I have to take care of my more immediate issues. For what it’s worth I’ve felt pretty good this week and I’ve been applying the mental techniques I was suggested (“focus on right now, don’t think too far ahead”).
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A few years ago, I was having some mild anxiety issues and I took advantage of our employer EAP. Personally, I thought the person I saw was worthless. He pretty much just confirmed that I was experiencing anxiety...but that's it...no advice, nothing. But yeah, not all EAP are equal and YRMV. I think there was a certain amount of "just get over it" and "have you tried NOT being anxious" stigma going on. But I also work for state gov't in a very red state so I think there is definitely that mentality of "poor mental health is a character weakness" where I live.
In my case, I think my anxiety was the general, "I think something is medically wrong with me and I'm going to drop dead any second, but I can't really describe *what* is wrong" well..about a year later I discovered I *did* have some dietary/digestive issues and once those were brought under control, I haven't had any issues since then. I realize though that I'm kind of lucky and my situation was minor.
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I’m not sure why that happened. It could be because I have a tendency to have a shot of cuban coffee after dinner. I never thought it would affect my sleep since it’s typically three hours before bedtime, but I’ve been lectured that the effects could last much longer. Henceforth, I’ll be putting a stop to that and see if I improve.
On another note, I wanted to ask: is laziness a common sign of anxiety? I’ve had this long habit of trying things out and giving up early: physical therapy, mental therapy, exercises, etc. And when I try to inquire about things like what kind of career I should take, I end up shying away and stop from even looking up information. I think it’s a result of trying to steer clear of further stress (for example: a job field I was interested in ends up sounding harder/less lucrative than I’d hope, which leaves me feeling miserable). For example, NanoWrimo starts tomorrow. I’ve put it off every year and have felt miserable for not even trying. This year I want to break the cycle, in the hopes it will push me out of my extended writer’s block. But when I think about the deadline to begin coming up, I end up feeling nervous and anxious. Same as usual.
This is a common habit I really want to get rid of, but I’m wondering if it relates to the bigger issue at hand (anxiety), and thus why I need to continue seeing someone and possibly take meds if deemed necessary. Like many of the things that give me grief in life, I want to take control and put an end to it.
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Uh, how much caffeine are you ingesting? Daily?
I start the morning with a thermostat of American Coffee (not that strong but it’s all I got at that time).
A couple hours after lunch I’ll have a cafe con leche (8 oz).
Sometimes I’ll have a shot of cuban coffee around 5pm. About an oz I’d say.
After dinner I’ll have another shot. This one might be the one that’s fucking me up (even though I never had it that bad before), so I’m going to put a stop to that, barring weekends.
No, see, what you’re saying is perfectly logical.
If only it were that easy to convince my subconscious.
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