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Butter Battle [chat]

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Posts

  • TTODewbackTTODewback Puts the drawl in ya'll I think I'm in HellRegistered User regular
    It took 3 different news sources before I found an article about Somalia. I guess it's being conveniently ignored.

    Bless your heart.
  • OrganichuOrganichu poops peesRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited October 2017
    spool32 wrote: »
    Organichu wrote: »
    Jerking it regularly doesn’t affect my sexual performance

    is this because you are not performing sexually chu

    I effectively have gone so long without sex that I’m a virgin again, yeah

    But when i did have a sex life, my refractory period was not days long. I can jerk it in the morning and perform at 100% at night, the same as if I hadn’t jerked in weeks

    Organichu on
  • Hahnsoo1Hahnsoo1 Make Ready. We Hunt.Registered User regular
    edited October 2017
    WEST COAST
    Ludious wrote: »
    Jesus Christ I make one innocuous post about being ahead of the curve on phone holder technology and you guys make it this whole thing.

    Things I didn't expect to happen today

    1. Get fucked over by the cable company by a day on not getting my gigabit ethernet
    2. Having my boss chew my asshole for something I didn't do
    3. DEFEND A GOD DAMNED PIECE OF PLASTIC THAT MAKES LIFE EASIER AND ARGUE WITH STEPHEN SONDHEIM'S LEAD HAREM BOY OVER MY YOUTH.
    Yeah, [chat] never makes mountains when a molehill will suffice.

    >.>

    <.<

    :D

    EDIT: I'm very pleased at being called Stephen Sondheim's Lead Harem Boy. :D

    Hahnsoo1 on
    8i1dt37buh2m.png
  • cptruggedcptrugged I think it has something to do with free will. Registered User regular
    EAST COAST
    Aioua wrote: »
    according to my evangelical upbringing--which has never been wrong about anything else, no--jerking it makes you a deviant incapable of experiencing love

    We once had a youth pastor come to class at school and talk about sex. This, of course, included fear mongering shit like "If things continue the way they are most likely the predominant idea that a girls first sexual experience would be handled by her father". Yes, first the gays.. then incest. Thanks shithead.

    But at the end they passed out cards and they said you could write any question you wanted anonymously. So, since we'd just spent an hour hearing how pre marital sex was bad and wrong, I asked the most natural question. "Is masturbation sex?" It got to my card. And his answer was that no, it wasn't sex. But with masturbation comes lustfull thoughts that were just as sinful as some of the acts themselves.

    And people ask me why I resent my Christian upbringing.

  • BeNarwhalBeNarwhal The Work Left Unfinished Registered User regular
    spool32 wrote: »
    Good lord chu you can't just hand us something like that.

    I had 5 different responses and chose the kindest one

    I bit through my tongue.

  • SurfpossumSurfpossum A nonentity trying to preserve the anonymity he so richly deserves.Registered User regular
    spool32 wrote: »
    To clarify - Bel dislikes porn in most / all cases, so I abstain entirely and have for our entire marriage.
    First with the not masturbating, and now this?

    Does your perversion know no bounds.

  • OrganichuOrganichu poops peesRegistered User, Moderator mod
    I mean you can all mock my crushing loneliness just know you’ll be named in the suicide note

  • Hahnsoo1Hahnsoo1 Make Ready. We Hunt.Registered User regular
    WEST COAST
    Surfpossum wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    To clarify - Bel dislikes porn in most / all cases, so I abstain entirely and have for our entire marriage.
    First with the not masturbating, and now this?

    Does your perversion know no bounds.
    I hear he also "plays" League. Although "play" might be a kind word for it.

    8i1dt37buh2m.png
  • BeNarwhalBeNarwhal The Work Left Unfinished Registered User regular
    For the record:

    Decade old joke about Ricky Williams smoking pot too much: 9 awesomes

    Heartfelt thank-you to all of [chat] for being amazing people for the past seven years: 2 awesomes.

    Screw all y'all, I'm literally going to McDonald's and eating my feelings.

    Also because I'm hungry and forgot to do groceries.

  • AiouaAioua Ora Occidens Ora OptimaRegistered User regular
    WEST COAST
    if god didn't want me to masturbate then why did He invent butt plugs, huh


    huh????

    life's a game that you're bound to lose / like using a hammer to pound in screws
    fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
    that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
    bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
  • Fuzzy Cumulonimbus CloudFuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud Registered User regular
    So It Goes wrote: »
    This baby on the show is so cute

    BABY COME OUT OF ME RIGHT NOW PLEASE

    Or at least let's like get this show on the road

    Plz
    1) Vigorous jumping jacks
    2) Uh, lots of warm baths
    3) ???????????????

  • LudiousLudious I just wanted a sandwich A temporally dislocated QuiznosRegistered User regular
    EAST COAST
    Organichu wrote: »
    I mean you can all mock my crushing loneliness just know you’ll be named in the suicide note

    My question isn't if, my question is which line

  • cptruggedcptrugged I think it has something to do with free will. Registered User regular
    EAST COAST
    spool32 wrote: »
    kedinik wrote: »
    Ok but seriously though I haven't heard very many anecdotes from friends about how porn ruined their sex lives -- the two I've heard are spool and now EM

    Personally,
    masturbating to porn is like a chore to do when I'm horny, and I've never felt like it interfered with my sex life

    point of order: my issue was not porn-related. Stress outlet leading to addictive behavior leading to wildly diminished sex life and performance issues that were very embarrassing to admit to, leading to further more obvious addictive behavior and diminished enjoyment and a generally bad spiral downward into badness.

    Put the wang down.

    Thanks man. Mind hooking me up with a wonderful lady who will consistently fulfill my needs. Like you've got?

    Or did you forget that the whole reason you're able to not jerk it (you've said this yourself) is that Bel takes good care of you. Otherwise you'd be climbing the walls.

  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    EAST COAST
    Aioua wrote: »
    if god didn't want me to masturbate then why did He invent butt plugs, huh


    huh????

    Vowels, I don't...

    wait let me think about the logistics of this for a minute

  • LudiousLudious I just wanted a sandwich A temporally dislocated QuiznosRegistered User regular
    EAST COAST
    spool32 wrote: »
    Aioua wrote: »
    if god didn't want me to masturbate then why did He invent butt plugs, huh


    huh????

    Vowels, I don't...

    wait let me think about the logistics of this for a minute

    If it exists, God created it or he is not all powerful

  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    EAST COAST
    cptrugged wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    kedinik wrote: »
    Ok but seriously though I haven't heard very many anecdotes from friends about how porn ruined their sex lives -- the two I've heard are spool and now EM

    Personally,
    masturbating to porn is like a chore to do when I'm horny, and I've never felt like it interfered with my sex life

    point of order: my issue was not porn-related. Stress outlet leading to addictive behavior leading to wildly diminished sex life and performance issues that were very embarrassing to admit to, leading to further more obvious addictive behavior and diminished enjoyment and a generally bad spiral downward into badness.

    Put the wang down.

    Thanks man. Mind hooking me up with a wonderful lady who will consistently fulfill my needs. Like you've got?

    Or did you forget that the whole reason you're able to not jerk it (you've said this yourself) is that Bel takes good care of you. Otherwise you'd be climbing the walls.

    full abstention is not for the single person, I think. Prob leads to different neuroses.

    Moderation in all things!

  • BeNarwhalBeNarwhal The Work Left Unfinished Registered User regular
    Ludious wrote: »
    Organichu wrote: »
    I mean you can all mock my crushing loneliness just know you’ll be named in the suicide note

    My question isn't if, my question is which line

    I'm more worried about context

    Like I'd be okay with "P.S. Benarwhal? Pretty cool guy, sorry I'm gonna be hurting him w/ this."

  • kedinikkedinik Captain of Industry Registered User regular
    An acquaintance is college once said:

    "Hey, man, uh.. My ex bootycalled me, like she wants me to come over tonight. I think we're probably gonna have sex. But it has been a long time for me since I had sex; I'm pretty horny, and I'm worried it might be too hot and maybe I'll just cum immediately. Do you think I should masturbate before I head over there? So I won't be so horny and keyed up."

    "Yeah, sure man. If that's how you're feeling."

    I made a game! Hotline Maui. Requires mouse and keyboard.
  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    EAST COAST
    Ludious wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Aioua wrote: »
    if god didn't want me to masturbate then why did He invent butt plugs, huh


    huh????

    Vowels, I don't...

    wait let me think about the logistics of this for a minute

    If it exists, God created it or he is not all powerful

    I was thinking about the logistics of using a butt plug to beat off but this facet also needs to be considered.......

  • AiouaAioua Ora Occidens Ora OptimaRegistered User regular
    WEST COAST
    if God is Always watching then he's Really Into voyeur

    life's a game that you're bound to lose / like using a hammer to pound in screws
    fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
    that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
    bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
  • P10P10 An Idiot With Low IQ Registered User regular
    youtube nazis, huh
    i want to eat pizzas and pass out 26yzvo9qtu3e.png

    Shameful pursuits and utterly stupid opinions
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    kedinik wrote: »
    An acquaintance is college once said:

    "Hey, man, uh.. My ex bootycalled me, like she wants me to come over tonight. I think we're probably gonna have sex. But it has been a long time for me since I had sex; I'm pretty horny, and I'm worried it might be too hot and maybe I'll just cum immediately. Do you think I should masturbate before I head over there? So I won't be so horny and keyed up."

    "Yeah, sure man. If that's how you're feeling."

    Isn't a plot line from something about mary?

    I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.

    pleasepaypreacher.net
  • kedinikkedinik Captain of Industry Registered User regular
    Preacher wrote: »
    kedinik wrote: »
    An acquaintance is college once said:

    "Hey, man, uh.. My ex bootycalled me, like she wants me to come over tonight. I think we're probably gonna have sex. But it has been a long time for me since I had sex; I'm pretty horny, and I'm worried it might be too hot and maybe I'll just cum immediately. Do you think I should masturbate before I head over there? So I won't be so horny and keyed up."

    "Yeah, sure man. If that's how you're feeling."

    Isn't a plot line from something about mary?

    I dunno, I haven't seen it

    I made a game! Hotline Maui. Requires mouse and keyboard.
  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    edited October 2017
    EAST COAST
    folks who just cum immediately, I hope you are blessed with a partner who also has a hair trigger :)

    spool32 on
  • VariableVariable Mouth Congress Stroke Me Lady FameRegistered User regular
    Preacher wrote: »
    kedinik wrote: »
    An acquaintance is college once said:

    "Hey, man, uh.. My ex bootycalled me, like she wants me to come over tonight. I think we're probably gonna have sex. But it has been a long time for me since I had sex; I'm pretty horny, and I'm worried it might be too hot and maybe I'll just cum immediately. Do you think I should masturbate before I head over there? So I won't be so horny and keyed up."

    "Yeah, sure man. If that's how you're feeling."

    Isn't a plot line from something about mary?

    it's at least a joke in it but I'm sure it's something people think regularly

    but it's why he has the cum in his hair that leads to probably the most known joke of the movie

    BNet-Vari#1998 | Switch-SW 6960 6688 8388 | Steam | Twitch
  • LudiousLudious I just wanted a sandwich A temporally dislocated QuiznosRegistered User regular
    EAST COAST
    spool32 wrote: »
    Ludious wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Aioua wrote: »
    if god didn't want me to masturbate then why did He invent butt plugs, huh


    huh????

    Vowels, I don't...

    wait let me think about the logistics of this for a minute

    If it exists, God created it or he is not all powerful

    I was thinking about the logistics of using a butt plug to beat off but this facet also needs to be considered.......

    In the end it wasn't science or faith that brought the two sides together in peace

    it was a buttplug

  • Fuzzy Cumulonimbus CloudFuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud Registered User regular
    Ludious wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Ludious wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Aioua wrote: »
    if god didn't want me to masturbate then why did He invent butt plugs, huh


    huh????

    Vowels, I don't...

    wait let me think about the logistics of this for a minute

    If it exists, God created it or he is not all powerful

    I was thinking about the logistics of using a butt plug to beat off but this facet also needs to be considered.......

    In the end it wasn't science or faith that brought the two sides together in peace

    it was a buttplug
    doublesided

  • emnmnmeemnmnme Registered User regular
    EAST COAST
    spool32 wrote: »
    Aioua wrote: »
    if god didn't want me to masturbate then why did He invent butt plugs, huh


    huh????

    Vowels, I don't...

    wait let me think about the logistics of this for a minute

    bc37e7e2d99aa5676eebc6c5d3591d19.jpg

  • BeNarwhalBeNarwhal The Work Left Unfinished Registered User regular
    Kids are running up and down the hallway in our building and, like, jiggling doorknobs, etc.

    Little do they know that a massive man is about to step out of one of those doors with expert timing and scare the ever-living shit out of them. :evil:

  • Hahnsoo1Hahnsoo1 Make Ready. We Hunt.Registered User regular
    WEST COAST
    Aioua wrote: »
    if God is Always watching then he's Really Into voyeur
    I've read that oglaf.

    8i1dt37buh2m.png
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    Hahnsoo1 wrote: »
    Aioua wrote: »
    if God is Always watching then he's Really Into voyeur
    I've read that oglaf.

    PBF did it already, god damn kids with their rap and their rip offs.

    I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.

    pleasepaypreacher.net
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    So It Goes wrote: »
    Omg Ragnar just cut the umbilical cord of his new malformed son with his TEETH

    Your husband just started sweating and backing away

  • descdesc Goretexing to death Registered User regular
    WEST COAST
    So It Goes wrote: »
    This baby on the show is so cute

    BABY COME OUT OF ME RIGHT NOW PLEASE

    Or at least let's like get this show on the Fury Road

    Plz

  • AiouaAioua Ora Occidens Ora OptimaRegistered User regular
    WEST COAST
    spool32 wrote: »
    folks who just cum immediately, I hope you are blessed with a partner who also has a hair trigger :)

    so far


    no

    life's a game that you're bound to lose / like using a hammer to pound in screws
    fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
    that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
    bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    Orphane wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    I have hella dry skin and I usually masturbate without lube and I still don't get chafed unless I'm going on a marathon session

    In my teens after the 8th time in a weekend, yeah I'd get a little raw

    same here

    like yeah when you've been going at it for like 5 hrs without lube then maybe some lotion/lube helps or you just stop jacking it

    but i'd never heard of someone who just starts off chafing their dick

    I've tried with lube and with a condom and it's so weird.

    Is the week up yet... oh it's been.... two.... hours..... hm.

  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    Orphane wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    I have hella dry skin and I usually masturbate without lube and I still don't get chafed unless I'm going on a marathon session

    In my teens after the 8th time in a weekend, yeah I'd get a little raw

    same here

    like yeah when you've been going at it for like 5 hrs without lube then maybe some lotion/lube helps or you just stop jacking it

    but i'd never heard of someone who just starts off chafing their dick

    I've tried with lube and with a condom and it's so weird.

    Is the week up yet... oh it's been.... two.... hours..... hm.

    Castle is going to snap when he sees an add for champagne later today.

    I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.

    pleasepaypreacher.net
  • kedinikkedinik Captain of Industry Registered User regular
    My former mother-in-law handed me a wad of gas money, said she knows the economy is bad and the job search is hard, and that I can stay with them rent-free for a while as long as I pick up after my dogs

    haha <3

    I made a game! Hotline Maui. Requires mouse and keyboard.
  • So It GoesSo It Goes We keep moving...Registered User regular
    The family that raids together stays together!

  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    @elldren @desc

    So my rental this week is the Challenger with the 6.4L V8 Hemi. And on the way home I found myself making a wrong turn that wasn't the road to my hotel but the on ramp for I-95. And it was open and clear. I did not exceed the speed limit of 70. I did achieve the speed limit in an aggressive fashion. God that made some wonderful noise.

  • BeNarwhalBeNarwhal The Work Left Unfinished Registered User regular
    BeNarwhal wrote: »
    Kids are running up and down the hallway in our building and, like, jiggling doorknobs, etc.

    Little do they know that a massive man is about to step out of one of those doors with expert timing and scare the ever-living shit out of them. :evil:

    That was thoroughly amusing, this shopping trip has started off on an enjoyable note!

This discussion has been closed.