Ok I DID do a search on this, but if I missed it sorry. This totally deserves its own thread:
850 things Mr. Welch cannot do during an RPG.
Here is the update 826-850:
http://theglen.livejournal.com/89222.html
Some favorites:
64. My paladin's battle cry is not "Good for the Good God"
92. The name of the weapon shop is not "Bloodbath and Beyond"
143. Not allowed to by a holy symbol for every god just in case one of them is right.
171. My character's dying words are not allowed to be "Hastur, Hastur, Hastur"
189. Tourretes is not a flaw, it is a reason to kill the character at creation.
256. The following cleric domains do not exist: Wet T-Shirts, Atheism, Keggers
502. If my name isn't Grimlock, can't start every sentence with "Me Grimlock"
and of course the followup:
516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.
540. A full minute of stunned silence means "My God what did you do?" not "Please continue."
Posts
Lies and blasphemy!
QFT!
GASP!
This is going to provide me hours of amusement tonight.
....this is awesome, and im only on #35.
Thank you sir.
Random quote flashback from Dumpshock: "Is he out? OK, I put my dick in his ear and take a picture."
204. I am not too sexy for the elf, too sexy for the elf, so sexy myself.
211. If at any point if my dwarf takes on the mannerisms of Macho Man Randy Savage, he dies.
217. If the weapon is capable of staking vampires hiding behind engine blocks, I can't have it.
God, so many good ones!
Jordan of Elienor, Human Shaman
SUCCESS!
The character, it seems, steadfastly believed there were no gods, despite the constant influence and appearance of said gods.
Most fucking obnoxious character to play with ever, especially once a cleric joined us.
Luckily, the DM killed her off pretty quick.
I call bullshit on this one. This is so amazing
What was her reaction when a god appeared? "I don't know what you're talking about, I don't see anyone."
Ayliana Moonwhisper Ecksus Cerazal
Anyways, this is hilarious.
Also, to make this post on-topic and less likely to land my ass in jail, he just added another 25 to the list.
Man, I'd love to find this guys play groups.
Edited to add:
Seems he's run out of space on his current LJ File. Here they are, quoted from the PP Off Topic forum.
It's almost like he's specifically talking about you, Salt.
>>
<<
also:
The hell it aint!
Holy shit I am doing this in my next hero game.
Meh, I smirked at a few but that is about it.
Great, now the rest of my dorm corridor think I'm a complete geek thanks to my ten minutes of guffawing at the Internet.
Well, they thought that anyway, but still, it solicited some odd glances.
I am definitely trying some of these out during my next session, especially:
In one campaign.
PSN: Wstfgl | GamerTag: An Evil Plan | Battle.net: FallenIdle#1970
Hit me up on BoardGameArena! User: Loaded D1
This was my first thought on reading these. Does the guy hate fun?
425. Chainsaws and butter churns filled with bees do not use the same weapon skill.
GLEE
19735. 'Can I make a Computer Use check to fuck them up real good?' is not a suitable responce for *EVERY* situation.
That's all Annie can do.
873413. You are never allowed to use, be, or use the weapons of a Super Robot.
357326: When offered the king's daughter in marriage, "Eat a sandwich, bitch" is not an acceptable response.
At the point where it becomes obvious who your character is, chime dueling bangos.
It's easy to laugh, but Arcane Design is actually a well documented theory and legitimate science!
I'm gonna repeat that atheists are a staple of planescape. They're one of the factions of Sigil!
8329854-a. And DEFINATELY no filling same bag of holding with 53 pounds of pudding.
8329855. If the party lacks a deck of playing cards, I cannot use the deck of many things instead.