i have pretty much the opposite family issue than most of the posters here.
my stepdad is trans and it... actually gives me a ton of issues coming out as nonbinary to my parents.
he was 100% the textbook "trapped in the wrong body" cultural narrative case and it's really intimidating.
i'm not physically transitioning for a number of reasons,
but it's mostly because i have difficulty passing as a normal human
and being visibly trans would make social interaction really, really fucking hard.
i'm afraid i will be dismissed by my mom as either not serious, or not serious enough about it,
or somehow that my beliefs about gender will make my dad feel like i feel bad things about his transition.
which i don't! it made total sense for his situation and was a great move!
i logically think it'll be fine, but uuuuuhhhhhhgggggggg the fear.
i still haven't told them, even though i've come out to tons of other people.
i have managed to not-come-out-to-my-mother for like a month now :<
while kind of intending to do it.
edit: i came out as bi early in highschool though and my family was like "okay cool."
that was actually A+ rad.
I can't tell you how they're going to react (but it seems like if you can find the right words, they should be fine? Maybe write something first so you can get it all in one hit to them?) but I can tell you that anticipating telling them and not telling them but anticipating it more and all that ramps up anxiety to.. uncomfortable levels. You got this, and you'll probably feel better for doing it.
So I don't know where I picked up the whole "hey she is being nice to you. It means she wants to BONE" line of dumbassed thinking but breaking myself of that has been a long long ongoing issue. I have very little clue what counts as flirting and what is just idle chat and now that ladies seem to open up to me more it takes me a while to wrap my brain around stuff.
I now just assume nobody is flirting , so it saves me from being weird and making stuff weird. So yeah. If you are ever trying to flirt with me I am likely clueless unless directly told.
Brains are dumb. Social conditioning is dumb
Also bodies are dumb. I accidentally bought a Mike's hard margarita and consumed it and IMMEDIATELY fell asleep for like an hour so that was fun.
Oh lovely, this made top of the page. A+.
I never know whether or not anyone is flirting with me, and I never know whether or not the things I say to anyone else are considered flirty. My excuse is that before I came out I never really put myself myself in scenarios when I needed to flirt with people or act friendly, so I never learned the distinction.
I just flirt with everyone and it only ends in disaster every time, whatever oh well.
I bought some new lip stuff and it's all so good oh my gosh. A blue lip liner and an orange-red lipstick and a metallic green glossy lip effect thing. All amazing.
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Erin The RedThe Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMABaton Rouge, LARegistered Userregular
i have pretty much the opposite family issue than most of the posters here.
my stepdad is trans and it... actually gives me a ton of issues coming out as nonbinary to my parents.
he was 100% the textbook "trapped in the wrong body" cultural narrative case and it's really intimidating.
i'm not physically transitioning for a number of reasons,
but it's mostly because i have difficulty passing as a normal human
and being visibly trans would make social interaction really, really fucking hard.
i'm afraid i will be dismissed by my mom as either not serious, or not serious enough about it,
or somehow that my beliefs about gender will make my dad feel like i feel bad things about his transition.
which i don't! it made total sense for his situation and was a great move!
i logically think it'll be fine, but uuuuuhhhhhhgggggggg the fear.
i still haven't told them, even though i've come out to tons of other people.
i have managed to not-come-out-to-my-mother for like a month now :<
while kind of intending to do it.
edit: i came out as bi early in highschool though and my family was like "okay cool."
that was actually A+ rad.
Hey props to them for being cool about the bi thing! It's a good step, if nothing else. They were accepting of you embracing your truths.
And everyone's experiences are different, so mentally comparing yourself to your stepdad isn't doing you any favors, just like him doing that wouldn't do him any favors if he compared himself to someone else.
We all have our shit to go through. Definitely tell/don't tell on your own time frame. It's totally understandable to be worried about loved ones' reaction but you'll never know until you do it and I'm hopeful that your folks continue to be cool
So I don't know where I picked up the whole "hey she is being nice to you. It means she wants to BONE" line of dumbassed thinking but breaking myself of that has been a long long ongoing issue. I have very little clue what counts as flirting and what is just idle chat and now that ladies seem to open up to me more it takes me a while to wrap my brain around stuff.
I now just assume nobody is flirting , so it saves me from being weird and making stuff weird. So yeah. If you are ever trying to flirt with me I am likely clueless unless directly told.
Brains are dumb. Social conditioning is dumb
Also bodies are dumb. I accidentally bought a Mike's hard margarita and consumed it and IMMEDIATELY fell asleep for like an hour so that was fun.
Oh lovely, this made top of the page. A+.
I never know whether or not anyone is flirting with me, and I never know whether or not the things I say to anyone else are considered flirty. My excuse is that before I came out I never really put myself myself in scenarios when I needed to flirt with people or act friendly, so I never learned the distinction.
It feels like this huge obvious social thing to most other folks and the fact that I just can't parse it drives me nuts
I just flirt with everyone and it only ends in disaster every time, whatever oh well.
I bought some new lip stuff and it's all so good oh my gosh. A blue lip liner and an orange-red lipstick and a metallic green glossy lip effect thing. All amazing.
I don't think flirting is obvious to anyone, really. It's such a grey area of intent and subtle stuff I doubt anyone has a clear perspective on it.
And that gif scares me.
Rainfall on
+3
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Erin The RedThe Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMABaton Rouge, LARegistered Userregular
I've never seen a coherent link between being trans and being misogynist.
credeiki nailed it pretty well.
Basically it's tail-chasing over "do I just want to be a man because I see women as inferior; if I don't think women are inferior then why do I want to be a man?"
This is legit a TERF talking point
in short: TERFs fucking suck
Miss me? Find me on:
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mysticjuicer[he/him] I'm a muscle wizardand I cast P U N C HRegistered Userregular
Flirting is fun right up until the point where I think the other person may be at all interested in me for real and then I immediately begin to audibly blush and must flee into the night to go live out the rest of my life in the woods. Which is dumb and I hate it. The woods don't even have wifi! >:C
@Janson had to email a chatlog that a friend sent her of him and another friend talking about how much of a crush she had on me for me to go ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I am good at the flirts
+12
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Zxerolfor the smaller pieces, my shovel wouldn't doso i took off my boot and used my shoeRegistered Userregular
No flirting, no dating. That's been my personal policy for several decades, and look how well I turned out!
Mispy spent like a month flirting with me before I embarrassingly asked him out, fearing he'd turn me down because I'd been completely oblivious
this was amusing to him because he thought I was aware I'd been flirting back the whole time
turns out I'm incapable of noticing anyone flirting when it involves me
Yeah, if someone is flirting with someone else I can recognize it.
But with me?
I just don’t understand flirting with me
I have to believe some of that is because of stakes. If you think two other people are flirting and you're wrong, no big deal. If I mistake someone's interactions with me as flirting, it could lead to incredible embarrassment or worse. Best to just assume not.
No flirting, no dating. That's been my personal policy for several decades, and look how well I turned out!
Nailing it.
Maybe so, but not anyone else.
So because I realize that can come across kinda wrong or condescending or whatever, know that statement is half joking, half serious. I've run that gauntlet of really bad social issues in my life, the kind I don't care to talk about. So, way back in the day, even if I thought, hey, maybe dating is something I would like to do, my brain went, no, the fuck you are. It felt real messed up, especially the fear that this is how the rest of my life is going to play out.
Nowadays, after a lot of introspection, it's more like, man, whatever. Whether it's due to sheer attrition, giving up, and rationalizing it, or maybe it's the realization it never actually mattered to me at all, and I pretty much don't care about it at this point. Just being comfortable with myself is good enough, which is better than, like, 20-some-odd years of my life.
Maybe someday it'll be a thing? If not, I'm not beating myself over it, and hey, my parents haven't bugged about me not hooking up in a while, so that's nice.
So there you go, just a dumb jab at myself.
Zxerol on
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Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
No flirting, no dating. That's been my personal policy for several decades, and look how well I turned out!
Nailing it.
Maybe so, but not anyone else.
So because I realize that can come across kinda wrong or condescending or whatever, know that statement is half joking, half serious. I've run that gauntlet of really bad social issues in my life, the kind I don't care to talk about. So, way back in the day, even if I thought, hey, maybe dating is something I would like to do, my brain went, no, the fuck you are. It felt real messed up, especially the fear that this is how the rest of my life is going to play out.
Nowadays, after a lot of introspection, it's more like, man, whatever. Whether it's due to sheer attrition, giving up, and rationalizing it, or maybe it's the realization it never actually mattered to me at all, and I pretty much don't care about it at this point. Just being comfortable with myself is good enough, which is better than, like, 20-some-odd years of my life.
Maybe someday it'll be a thing? If not, I'm not beating myself over it, and hey, my parents haven't bugged about me not hooking up in a while, so that's nice.
So there you go, just a dumb jab at myself.
No for real that's just a cheap dig at you - "You might be nailing 'it' but you're not nailing anybody", nothing more than a quick joke that DEFINITELY wasn't meant as a personal attack on you.
I think I can be very flirty and, I think pretty much all the time, its because I genuinely did not think that the person I am flirting with would in any way, shape or form ever be likely to reciprocate.
It's like there was a voice in my brain basically acting out what I think the other person is likely to be thinking to me flirting and its pretty much a dialogue of "oh bless, the ugly little troll is actually trying to flirt with me, as if he ever stood any chance".
So like, on the one hand, my brain processing that as being the attitude of the person I'm flirting with did wonders for removing some of the anxiety aspects of getting closer to people (because hell, at best my brain has decided I might as well be flirting with a lump of concrete for all the likely reciprocity, and at worst I'll get the cold indifference that I'd already assumed was the default state of the other person anyway).
But I guess, on the other hand, it really probably didn't do much for my utter distaste for my physicality.
Ah well...brains be weird y'all.
It's all saltwater these days:
Ocean, tears and heartbreak soup
Half alive in a whitecap foam
Half in love with a white half moon
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Metzger MeisterIt Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered Userregular
This is why meeting my husband on grindr was rad. No flirting or interpreting signals, just "hey u want sum fukk" ant then after a few of those we were like "we should like actually go out and stuff" and the we did and now we're married.
I have never flirted. And it's been a loooooong time since I've had a crush. Like, since high school. I dunno... it feels weird to entertain romantic feelings for folks I regularly interact with when our relationship is super... not that. And not likely to become that. And celebrities and actors are often super hot... but there are tons of hot people and I don't actually know them. So celebrity crushes have never been a thing for me.
Coz yer cute and I like you, obviously! The only reason to flirt! :winky:
No seriously. Why?
Because you're a lovely person with nice eyes, you got a gecko tattoo and that's rad? I don't need a lot of reasons to flirt but I can keep providing them, you certainly keep providing reasons for me to like you!
Rainfall on
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Erin The RedThe Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMABaton Rouge, LARegistered Userregular
edited February 2018
Should we make a forum chart of who flirts with who(m?) so everyone can figure out who is hitting on who
Posts
Probably not though.
my stepdad is trans and it... actually gives me a ton of issues coming out as nonbinary to my parents.
he was 100% the textbook "trapped in the wrong body" cultural narrative case and it's really intimidating.
i'm not physically transitioning for a number of reasons,
but it's mostly because i have difficulty passing as a normal human
and being visibly trans would make social interaction really, really fucking hard.
i'm afraid i will be dismissed by my mom as either not serious, or not serious enough about it,
or somehow that my beliefs about gender will make my dad feel like i feel bad things about his transition.
which i don't! it made total sense for his situation and was a great move!
i logically think it'll be fine, but uuuuuhhhhhhgggggggg the fear.
i still haven't told them, even though i've come out to tons of other people.
i have managed to not-come-out-to-my-mother for like a month now :<
while kind of intending to do it.
edit: i came out as bi early in highschool though and my family was like "okay cool."
that was actually A+ rad.
I bought some new lip stuff and it's all so good oh my gosh. A blue lip liner and an orange-red lipstick and a metallic green glossy lip effect thing. All amazing.
Hey props to them for being cool about the bi thing! It's a good step, if nothing else. They were accepting of you embracing your truths.
And everyone's experiences are different, so mentally comparing yourself to your stepdad isn't doing you any favors, just like him doing that wouldn't do him any favors if he compared himself to someone else.
We all have our shit to go through. Definitely tell/don't tell on your own time frame. It's totally understandable to be worried about loved ones' reaction but you'll never know until you do it and I'm hopeful that your folks continue to be cool
It feels like this huge obvious social thing to most other folks and the fact that I just can't parse it drives me nuts
How you doin'?
And that gif scares me.
Removed
this was amusing to him because he thought I was aware I'd been flirting back the whole time
turns out I'm incapable of noticing anyone flirting when it involves me
This is legit a TERF talking point
in short: TERFs fucking suck
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
ineedmayo.com Eidolon Journal Updated
I am good at the flirts
Nailing it.
Maybe so, but not anyone else.
I think I’m just bad at social interaction
Yeah, if someone is flirting with someone else I can recognize it.
But with me?
I just don’t understand flirting with me
I have to believe some of that is because of stakes. If you think two other people are flirting and you're wrong, no big deal. If I mistake someone's interactions with me as flirting, it could lead to incredible embarrassment or worse. Best to just assume not.
So because I realize that can come across kinda wrong or condescending or whatever, know that statement is half joking, half serious. I've run that gauntlet of really bad social issues in my life, the kind I don't care to talk about. So, way back in the day, even if I thought, hey, maybe dating is something I would like to do, my brain went, no, the fuck you are. It felt real messed up, especially the fear that this is how the rest of my life is going to play out.
Nowadays, after a lot of introspection, it's more like, man, whatever. Whether it's due to sheer attrition, giving up, and rationalizing it, or maybe it's the realization it never actually mattered to me at all, and I pretty much don't care about it at this point. Just being comfortable with myself is good enough, which is better than, like, 20-some-odd years of my life.
Maybe someday it'll be a thing? If not, I'm not beating myself over it, and hey, my parents haven't bugged about me not hooking up in a while, so that's nice.
So there you go, just a dumb jab at myself.
No for real that's just a cheap dig at you - "You might be nailing 'it' but you're not nailing anybody", nothing more than a quick joke that DEFINITELY wasn't meant as a personal attack on you.
might be a thing certain queer groups experience? it's the same way for a bunch of my friends
like, I get so many crushes that it's not even a meaningful thing anymore
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
It's like there was a voice in my brain basically acting out what I think the other person is likely to be thinking to me flirting and its pretty much a dialogue of "oh bless, the ugly little troll is actually trying to flirt with me, as if he ever stood any chance".
So like, on the one hand, my brain processing that as being the attitude of the person I'm flirting with did wonders for removing some of the anxiety aspects of getting closer to people (because hell, at best my brain has decided I might as well be flirting with a lump of concrete for all the likely reciprocity, and at worst I'll get the cold indifference that I'd already assumed was the default state of the other person anyway).
But I guess, on the other hand, it really probably didn't do much for my utter distaste for my physicality.
Ah well...brains be weird y'all.
Ocean, tears and heartbreak soup
Half alive in a whitecap foam
Half in love with a white half moon
Just do what I did and get incredibly lucky.
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
2DS/3DS Friend code 0361-7385-2366
Twitter: @PoeticGecko
I am soooo clueless when it comes to stuff like that.
People definitely flirt with you. I have a reliable source who can confirm!
(I am the source)
But I’ve mentioned that before
Wait, what? I’m genuinely confused. You? But.... why?
2DS/3DS Friend code 0361-7385-2366
Twitter: @PoeticGecko
Coz yer cute and I like you, obviously! The only reason to flirt! :winky:
No seriously. Why?
2DS/3DS Friend code 0361-7385-2366
Twitter: @PoeticGecko
Because you're a lovely person with nice eyes, you got a gecko tattoo and that's rad? I don't need a lot of reasons to flirt but I can keep providing them, you certainly keep providing reasons for me to like you!
You don't have one already? I thought they were standard issue!