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begging everyone I know on facebook for help, or how to be a human on social media
redx
I(x)=2(x)+1whole numbersRegistered User regular
I(x)=2(x)+1whole numbersRegistered User regular
I am having a hard time not posting something close to this either as a status post thing, or in the local Burn community's social page(low number of thousand of texas hippies, social and sexual deviants, trolls and artists, pretty much including anyone I know for whom this would be a thing capable of working).
it doesn't take that much for it to work, just one or two yeses. and I think I don't care about how many people are going to think I am weak and broken, needy and creepy piece of shit. or I mean, I do, which I why I am asking here, and am fine if it's just like 15% and people I don't really need in my life anyway.
I know this is kind of awkward to ask. I’m fairly dyslexic and somewhat autistic and really am trying to change how I deal with people in, well, in a whole lot of ways compared to who I spent my life being. I pretty much wasted my teens and 20s being very alone, and basically need to figure out how to person. I am sort of making progress on stuff, but…
I really need sort of stable access to minor physical intimacy that isn’t dependent on a romantic partner, because right now not having it is fucking with how I deal with people, and distracting me at work, and just generally preventing me from dealing with other issues that aren’t solved by me sitting on a couch next to pretty much anyone who’d be reading this, for a couple hours a week. and, I get, kinda thing that is driving this is something that does need to get addressed(hard when I need to learn not to expect to feel the way I am feeling).
I don’t know. Anyone want to get unsober and watch some cartoons? Anyone know of a movie night where I might find a home? Know of something else where I’m likely to find a compatible situation and not be expected to try to talk a lot?
There’s not really anything here I mind talking about. It’s been a few revisions for this not over share even more.
it doesn't take that much for it to work, just one or two yeses. and I think I don't care about how many people are going to think I am weak and broken, needy and creepy piece of shit. or I mean, I do, which I why I am asking here, and am fine if it's just like 15% and people I don't really need in my life anyway.
They moistly come out at night, moistly.
redx on
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to be frank, it reads as more than just a little needy - you're coming off as entitled. i do believe we all should feel entitled to something as fundamental as human relationships, but this is not the best way to go about establishing them. if you're looking for a couple of hours of connection on a couch... have you thought about seeing a therapist?
All of those things take work to make happen, and you have to initiate that work usually. Throw a party. Start a movie night. Set up a local hangout. Then advertise those on social media and be seen as the person who makes cool shit happen. That's how you'll get this going.
Sending out essentially "somebody please love me," while totally relateable to literally everyone on earth, isn't going to win you favors because most folk reading it will think "well, same here pal. Get in line." Sending out something saying "hey, everyone interested in watching horror films and having a few brews, we are setting up a movie night! Third Friday each month join a few like minded individuals in enjoy a good flick, good beer, and good company. First round and pizzas covered by the house, rest BYOB."
Or something similar. Trick is finding a venue that is neutral for the first few events. Setting it up at your house will probably skeeve off folks unless you are grabbing a bunch of people you know and are friends with already. I'd reach out to a local bar with a TV and see if they would be interested in hosing such an event on one of their slower nights, if you want drinks involved. They get more custom, everyone gets a safe place, and you don't have to foot as much of the bill.
it's annoying that the response of "well, same here pal. Get in line." isn't more, "wait, ok, you too. I'm willing to take some risk for that also." I mean, that's just the most freaking ridiculous thing.
and the response of "well wait everyone needs that", I kinda hate how everyone else gets to talk about the health issues giving them trouble. But, talking about stuff like this is inexcusable weakness.
I sort of wanted to mostly verify that it was a bad idea. Maybe get a gauge on how bad an idea. Like, I get like, this is sort of the advices for "well this is how most people in society think", but I kinda think society is wrong about a lot and most of it can go screw. But if it's actually off putting to aggressively progressive people used to dealing with weird social stuff.
Can I just ask: "hey, I really would like a regular movie or anime night. Anyone want to start one? Maybe know of one already?" or should I just start going around and talking about it to, like, individuals i trust and am sort of close to? I sort of hoped I could just tear the bandage off in one jank.
I sort of do have a therapist, but won't be seeing them for another 2 weeks. I sort of talked a bit about being more public about this stuff. But begging for affection probably wasn't what she had in mind. I should be splitting a house with a couple people in a few months, and was planning on a nice comfortable living room good for entertaining, and I was planning on getting a good TV for exactly this sort of stuff.
I sort of posted this because I didn't want to wait the two weeks, or the few months. And it was late and I was, not great, and I guess I'm glad I posted it here. rather than there.
thanks?
The kind of intimacy you're looking for definitely exists in the community, but you deffo need to like...be friends? with folks before that's going to crop up.
I'm like, going to a decomp from the winter this afternoon, and I am getting to be more active as a member of the community here. I get invited to people house for parties. I don't get invited to do random weeknight of mostly just sitting around, and it's mostly that sort of thing that I am missing.
You're not in the PNW by chance, are you?
and, i know.
i just haven't actually ever had that sort of level of casual physical contact with someone I hadn't been inside of.
And I'm trying to do that pretty late in life, and am just sort of terrified that if I don't fix this, I will end of living the rest of my life as alone as I did the first half.
Seriously, I spent half of my life, to within a handful of months, pretty much constantly worried about people touching me. The autism and dyslexia fuck with my ability to both send and perceive body language. Most of the time I am around people, I'm somewhat uncomfortable, and that shows and... and of physical contact, hug response, oxytocin stuff seems to work. And the here is a reward for recognizing the faces of people you love, hey let's make infants look at people's faces so they learn how to read them... haircuts and different make-up make me uncomfortable around people I've known for years.
So getting from here to there, I just want this one minor trivial thing taken care of, so I have somewhere I know is solid to stand, as I work on the rest of this mountain of shit.
and it's really hard.