John knows what he's about and manages to stop his dwarven friend from making too much of a ruckus as he comes barreling out of his door with a hint of bloodlust about him. He also spots the now sober Axis Upon Repose Esq creeping along the side of the road and waves the man over.
You peek around the corner of the smithy and see a group of kobolds gathered around a nearby well. They've all got black handkerchiefs wrapped about their faces. One of them has a filthy burlap sack it opens and begins to fish around in. You can hear the clattering of wood against stone as they work to raise the bucket. There's an awful stench in the air. A rotten smell than clings to the inside of your nostrils.
Jeffrey is freaking out, struggling in vain to wriggle out of his straps.
Crouching by his associates, Axis grins vapidly, happy that he neither ran away nor was forced to verbally assault a potential thief. Hearing Roep and Bulmeer confer in soft, guarded whispers, Axis follows their gaze to the four kobolds clustered around the well. He interrupts his companions' conversation with a remarkable lack of tact and blissful ignorance.
"Look at those Jeffreys! Do you think they're very thirsty?" Axis pauses, suddenly smelling something rank and offal. "Oh...oh my. Jeffrey, did you poopy? No? Then...those little ones...are they poisoning the water hole? Oh, the poor misguided things! We must stop them - maybe we can scare them off?"
Axis appears frantic, shivering violently, his teeth chattering loudly in his skull. He takes Jeffrey from his back and squeezes him tightly, like an overgrown child clutching at its stuffed toy.
Roep eyes the kobolds, trying to decipher what they're up to. The rank stench in the air hardly phases him, not a smell has since he and a few cohorts were forced to spend a night in the dead room of their ship, holding handkerchiefs over their face as they fought off the rats that scurried over their dead crewmates, wrapped in shrouds of canvas sail to keep the rotting bodies intact. It was punishment for something Roep now forgets, but assumes the whiskey played a part. He knows he could sneak in, kill one off the bat and fight the others, but he'd likely sustain some injury and there's still quite a bit of fight to be had. He needs to seperate them, or at least get that sack away from the well. He unspools some rope from his belt, ties it into a makeshift lasso again, wide enough to fit a kobold, he hopes and discretely hurls it. If he's truly lucky, he'll rope the Kobold holding the sack of wretched smell and drag him away while the others aren't looking.
used acrobatics, again let me know if that's not the right skill for rope swinging. Assuming that hits...
Roep's roped him! He drags the smelly bastard swiftly away from the group while emitting a slight whistle. It's oddly ethereal. Something Bulmeer should recognize from the old days, where he found Roep semi-conscience and dying shortly after his journey back into the civilized world. It's evolved over their journeys to a simple meaning. "Come here, friend. Come here quickly." and sometimes with a bit of subtext "and womp this motherfucker!"
Bulmeer raises his hammer over his head. The recent memory of birds shitting on the roof of his keep brings out the ire of his brawn. He bites his lip so hard it begins to bleed, and he brings his hammer down on to this little bastard.
As Bulmeer brings the hammer down over his head, Axis turns away, covering both his and Jeffrey's eyes. The whistling of the blunt weapon fills his ears; his mind is consumed by the sound, the fury.
Roeps face is splashed with the Kobolds blood, the mighty hammer fall has bloodied it, it there still seems to be some life in the bastard. Intending to finish it off, he removes his axe from his belt and swings down.
Shaking his head in roeps direction, wondering if alcohol has played a part in his amazing rope skills that take great skill and finnesse, and also his pathetic point blank range miss on a creature that was restrained. Bulmeer gently picks up the creature and places it on it side and raises his hammer once again. The blood glistening in the moonlight.
Roep looks up to his dwarf friend, wincing through the blood. “There’s still more there, we aren’t out of the woods yet. But first...” he picks up the rancid smelling bag and peers inside.
Bullmeer, note that your great weapon fighting skill lets you re-roll any damage dice that come up 1 or 2. You got enough damage to kill the kobold anyways, but I just thought I'd mention that for future reference. When you hit, you hit hard.
I'll only post a battle map if there are multiple enemy types and terrain to make a fight interesting. This is just a couple of kobolds in a field so we'll play it out in our shared imaginarium.
As soon as John opens the filthy sack at his feet, you're all assaulted by a choking stench. Inside the bag is a slug-like creature covered in rancid pustules that weep a sour purple fluid.
The smell: 2#1d20+1317 The smell: 1d20+311 These are constitution saving throws.
Axis: Your eyes begin to water and snot pours from your nose. You're blinded by the stink for one round. (-5 to your attack next round if you make one.)
Kobolds Attack: 3#1d20+5151914 Damage: 3#1d6+3464
The remaining kobolds burst into action as soon as the hammering begins. A kobold pounces for each of you. They're quick, and even Bullmeer in all his armor feels the sting of kobold claws. The one slashing at John makes a grab for the sack, but his feeble arms cannot pull it from Roep's grasp.
Snatch the sack: 1d20-18 I assign attacks and saving throws alphabetically, just so you know I'm not mixing and matching when I roll multiple dice.
Axis turns back to his companions to find the kobold lying seemingly peacefully on the ground, its body still with its arms crossed over its chest. If not for the ugly deformity to its skull, the little one could almost be sleeping. Axis' eyes water with remorse...and then, a moment later as John opens the bag, with tears welling at a smell so vile and base that it assaults his sensorium on an existential level. His whole world is stink, and everyone in it are just different smells of varying offensiveness. The smell is so everything and he is the smell. It is so bad that it drowns out his thoughts, filling his mind with static nonsense. He cannot speak, he cannot hear, he cannot see, he cannot even feel - or so he thinks, up until the moment he feels a sharp, bright pain that pierces through the green-yellow effluvium of his mind as the claws of his kobold assailant catch his pant legs, tearing the soft fabric and lacerating his thigh. He drops to one knee, his injured leg wet with blood. Axis is overwhelmed; too scared and cowardly to try and bear weight on his leg, assaulted with an eye-watering stench mixed with blinding pain, he instead instinctively makes himself as small and inconspicuous as possible as he flees. He attempts to crawl away from the smell and the pain on his knees, dragging himself with one arm, Jeffrey tucked beneath the other.
Axis flees in a direction diametrically opposed from the smell sack. I realize this may prompt an attack of opportunity. I know his move speed is normally 30 feet/turn, but given that he's on his knees I'd say he's probably only able to move at half-speed.
I forgot to summarize the damage last round, and it's going to matter here. You all got hit, and those damage rolls are assigned alphabetically so
Axis took 4 damage
Bullmeer took 6 damage
John took 4 damage
One of the kobolds pursues the fleeing Axis Upon Repose as he stumbles blindly away from the skirmish. His claws sink deep into unprotected flesh as he bears axis to the ground.
Chasing Axis: 1d20+313
Somewhere deep in his tiny lizard brain, a part of what has come to think of itself as Jeffery whispers an urgent warning. It says the pink has been kind. It warns that the only thing between Jeffery and that terrible hammer is this pink's mercy. Jeffery's mouth fills with blood and his claws leave ragged tears in flesh as he contemplates this. A small part of Jeffery wonders why the pink's eyes look so full of sadness as the life fades from them. A small part of Jeffery is ashamed of what he's done. The rest of Jeffery is the brood now.
Axis takes 18 (holy crap they both maxed the dice) damage, bringing him to 0 hp when combined with the 4 he took last round. He is now unconscious and bleeding to death in a puddle of vomit. He'll make a death saving throw every turn. It's a flat out d20, no mods. 10 or over, nothing happens. If he rolls under 10 three times, he's dead.
A medicine check of 10 or higher will stop the death saving throws, but will take the full action for your turn as you bandage him up. Restoring hp to a creature is also a way to stop the death saves.
Other Kobolds attack: 2#1d20+598 The other kobolds try to slash at Bullmeer and John, but they've lost their initial momentum and can't seem to get their claws into any soft places.
Axis collapses to the ground, bleeding from multiple wounds, covered in vomit and excrescence...and yet, his most bitter injury is the betrayal of his beloved Jeffrey. He has known the kobold for less than a day and has no reason to trust what is essentially a feral monster, and yet Axis felt great affection for the creature. Its duplicity wounds him more than its claws. He sinks down into the darkness, filled with shame and regret.
And, as the light fades in his eyes and he feels his arms grow heavy and numb and his breathing labored, Axis hears the sound of waves. He smiles inwardly, thinking of his childhood as everything fades away. Instead, however, the waves grow louder, into a soul-rending roar. And in that roar echoes a voice, like the sound of lovers whispering and the dying of daylight, across aeons and lightyears and galaxies, a voice so vociferous that the very warp and weft of spacetime unravel in its wake.
"NO."
And then, after a pause.
"TEND TO YOUR CRAFT. HONOR YOUR CONTRACT. SERVE ME AS WAS FORETOLD. RISE NOW AND ACT."
Axis' breathing slowly calms and becomes regular. Small motes of brilliant darkness dance along his face and hair. His has been beckoned back.
Bulmeer turns and hollers to axis, "For the sake of my dwarven ancestors, we have a job to do and immediate actions to be taken! Heed my call brother!"
The kobolds fighting Bullmeer and John are both badly hurt, but the two healthy kobolds who brought down axis quickly turn their murderous intentions towards John. They leap upon him from behind and rip savagely at his flesh.
Kobolds vs John: 2#1d20+52024 Damage: 2d6+615
Bullmeer stumbles, tripping over a lizard corpse and leaving himself open to attack.
John feels the tiny creatures tearing at his flesh. He’s beginning to panic. The dandy lawyer is laying in a clump, he’s likely dead and if John doesn’t get his shit together he will join him. Using the looped rope he hooked the kobold with, he swings and tosses it onto the roof of a nearby roof hoping to rope the chimney and escape. If he can escape and get his bearings together, he may be able to get back to his game...stealth and strategy.
sorry to try and abandon ya Nick, but I’m fucked if this doesn’t work and I think you can handle yourself. It’s not a great roll, let me know what happens Alex
Bulmeer picks himself up and has been in far more grave situations. Letting out a dwarven yell at the top of his lungs, he raises his hammer once again. Blood dripping from his armor, both of the kobolds and a bit of his own. He targets the two Kobolds near him and swings his age old, hand crafted hammer that only the highest members of the dwarven guard are gifted. He swings.
John: Navigating the rigging of a ship for years grants you a literally superhuman ability to climb. At level 3 I would say your characters are sort of like Olympic athletes when it comes to doing the things they're best at. You're the best climber in this town for sure, and one of the best on this continent. Scrambling up a one story building is a trivial task for someone of your capabilities.
A note about Movement: As far as the rules go, I'm going to consider climbing, jumping and swimming as move actions even though they require a dice roll. In this format, that would take forever. You would have to pause mid-turn to ask the DC, which is silly. I therefor decree that unless I specify that the masonry is crumbling or the river is running swiftly and state a specific number to beat, you can assume that all movement checks have a DC of 10.
John manages to slip away (Your skirmisher ability means you don't take opportunity attacks doing this) and the kobolds pile in on Bullmeer. Shouting an ancient battle chant at the top of his lungs, Bullmeer swings his hammer in great sweeping arcs, trying valiantly to hold back the swarming creatures. They're too quick, they dart in and out, clawing furiously at anything in reach, wearing the dwarf down.
Bullmeer falls to one knee. A masked kobold with a ruined arm steps in behind the harried dwarf and opens it's jaws wide.
Bullmeer is down, but, remember all that stuff about the rules of how climbing works?
John could have made an attack last turn, which could have killed an injured kobold and saved Bullmeer's life. I find this all wonderfully dramatic, so I'm going to let John make that attack.
If it hits, you kill the kobold threatening Bullmeer and save your friend, if it misses, he'll join Axis in making death saves and you're stuck like a cat up a tree. You can take a turn like normal after making the attack.
Roep has been in desperate situations before and knows how quickly things can desolve. He needs to keep it together. He needs to breathe. He tightens his grip on the handle of the axe. With all his might he swings at the kobold threatening Bulmeer.
Roep knows things are bad. They weren’t prepared for the menace of these little monsters, even the one known as Jeffrey turned out to be a vicious killer. From up on the roof, Roep looks down in the pack. He can’t fight them melee at this point, he’d be shredded into ribbons. He tests the strength of the thatched roof beneath him, he’s frankly shocked it’s held him this long. But he has an idea. He stays hunched and out of sight and heads to one side of the home, he wraps an end of his rope to the over hang and then chops a notch into the middle of the roof, slotting the rope in their as well. He swiftly hurry’s to the other side and does the same. The roof is now seperated by a roped off half facing the kobold pack. It’s a last ditch effort. It’s wildly silly, but it could work. With a running start, he leaps from the roof, pulling the ropes with him. If this works, he will topple the side of a house onto the pack below. In the air, he screams. “WE NEED A MEDIC”
i am posting now because I am in the only place where I’ll have service for the next 20 hours. I have no idea if me being in the roof out of sight counts as advantage. For obvious reasons I hope it does. God speed
There's a mechanic I haven't introduced yet called inspiration that gives you advantage when you do something very cool and very in character. I think this qualifies, so we'll use your second roll.
John soars over the heads of the kobolds below him and lands with a savage tug at the ropes in his hands. The kobolds, watching him, don't notice as the wall behind them begins to topple over.
Kobolds dodge: 4#1d20+121201117 Damage: 3#3d6+6171515
With a terrible crash the entire hut collapses, one wall pitching out and down to crush the gathered kobolds. Bullmeer isn't conscious to appreciate the precision of the manuever as the open window falls over his still form, leaving an unharmed dwarf in the center of the wreckage.
By now, the racket you've all been making has woken up the town and folks in their night clothes are cautiously approaching. The one kobold who managed to evade the collapsing building takes a moment to assess the situation and decides to bugger off into the night, his glowing tie flapping behind him as he flees across the field.
Mayor Cass is the first on the scene. She immediately begins dispatching orders to the sleepy eyed townsfolk. Hot water and fresh linens are being brought as your companions are nursed back from the edge of oblivion.
You live another day, just barely.
Those of you who dropped are awake now with 1 HP. John isn't doing much better with his 2 hp. Anything you want to say/do before a much needed long rest?
Roep spits up blood, he looks to the Mayor with a look of pure spite. "You fuckin' wretch, took your sorry asses long enough? We're risking our lives to protect...what? A bunch of fuckin' sleepy soft boys?" he looks to Axis, "And you, mister Fuckin' contract man. You fuckin' sodomite. I'll find you're little fuckpet and I'll cut him from tip to nose." and finally, looking to Bulmeer. "You know I owe you my life, and I'll continue to fight for you but this, what happened tonight, can not stand." He gathers up his ropes, looking to the family who's house was just toppled and their possessions splattered in Kobold blood and spits in their direction. He heads to the inn, eager for a stiff drink to lull him to sleep and his calm his rage. Once is back is turned, he lets slip a little grin. Dropped a house on 'em. That's pretty alright.
Bulmeer raises his bloodied head, embarrassed and disgraced to be nearly killed by woodland lizards. They will pay, for his honor may be in question to such a near defeat. He picks up his hammer, still fresh wounds from the kobolds, he sniffs the blood and lets out a hearty laugh. "It's good to feel the rush of battle once again!" He rouses Axis and says, "There is still work to be done, but we will rest up for now. Your'e welcome to stay in the smith shop. I'll be having some stiff ale before bed." He hollers off into Roep's direction. "Well done old friend!"
Bulmeer removes his armor back in the smith shop, and is astounded by the wounds he's sustained. He wonders how he can even stand.
The townsfolk look ashamed as they subconsciously register the fact that none of them thought to bring anything resembling a weapon. One of them finds a small burlap sack lying near the well. Stink: 1d209
He staggers back, stumbling to his knees and losing his dinner.
Personally, I think it was pretty goddamn generous to allow John Roep to do any of that in a single turn without killing the other characters. But I digress.
Axis takes Bulmeer's hand and gingerly finds his legs, shaky, ashen, and weak. He nods, appreciative of Bulmeer's gracious offer. He is injured, hungry, and alone, and in absolutely no state to refuse.
Axis looks off to John Roep's rapidly retreating backside with what can only be described as utter abhorrence. In this night, he has learned to hate. The motes of darkness dance at his fingers and then he is away.
The night is full of the bustling of townsfolk as they gossip and see to small matters. You spend an uneasy night nursing your wounds and awaken well in to the next day.
Prepare yourselves to face your first day as heroes. When you step outside you'll find the town having a meeting of sorts outside the mayor's house.
Axis has had a bad couple of days. Wincing as he gingerly tests his wounded leg's integrity, he reflects on his current circumstances, awash in self-pity. He has fallen very, very far from the man he once was. Once, he made deals with kings and emperors, invested and traded funds in excess of billions of gold pieces, rapaciously and vehemently fought fierce legal battles over territory and intellectual property and even (on several, somewhat scandalous occasions) genealogy and pedigree. Now, his coat is dirty, sagging, and frayed, and his only pair of pants has been ripped irreparably. Nevertheless, he is alive - and moreover, he thirst for revenge is more powerful than ever. As he thinks of Jeffrey's betrayal, Maria's infidelity, and now John's unkindness, he feels a thrill of anger run through him. His heart has been hardened and he feels something piercing and pernicious - hatred, as it were, and it burns through his self-pity like a torch through tallow.
As he stands to walk, he notes that his leg laceration has been expertly repaired by an unknown party. Indeed, his injuries are markedly improved from the prior evening; other than a slight limp and an occasional grimace, you'd not know that this man lay on the very precipice of death mere hours earlier. While the dwarf's extra bed was a tad short for a man of his frame, Axis has slept soundly. He feels a strange and intense mixture of gratitude and shame that he attributes to the dwarf's kindness and the profundity of his own weakness, respectively. As he enters the kitchen, Axis is accosted by the whistle of a teakettle boiling over the lovely smell of something savory.
Roep wakes from a fitful sleep. His bed is soaked in sweat. He's felt worse, but he's alive. He rises from bed, grabs the bottle of spirits he stole the previous night from the nightstand and heads outside to see what all the chatter is about.
Bulmeer rouses from his heavy slumber, still aching from the events the day before. He isnt as young as he used to be, and his current status reflects that. His joints crack as he sits upright on his cot. He dresses slowly, in soft clothing that is light weight, as to not push himself too hard after such a battle. He heads to the inn/tavern in search of the boys.
As you all rouse yourselves and begin to head out into the town, you can't help but overhear the town meeting in progress. A lot more folks have gathered here than had last night to welcome you into town. The crowd is hurling question after question at their exhausted Mayor, who tries her best to keep the conversation productive.
"We ain't got no militia, we ain't got weapons or the know how to use em."
"I'm just asking you to help. They can't do this alone."
"Darn right! Proved it last night!" someone shouts to a murmur of agreement.
"I just want to keep the town safe."
"I want the crops to grow in winter."
"Town's the people, we should move on, come back once they've left."
"They'll catch us out, carrying everything we own on our backs. Ain't no runnin from this."
"We float it down the river, whole damn town."
"I didn't come all the way out here to let a couple lizards scare me off."
"She ain't got the authority to make me'n mine do nuthin we ain't fixin to do ourselves."
"We've got to pull together."
"It's pointless, we're wasting valuable time!"
At this point the mayor has lost control and the conversation dissolves into a dozen separate arguments. From what you're able to make out the general debate is about whether or not the town should form a militia and hold it's ground or attempt to flee to somewhere safer. High minded arguments about military authority are peppered in with debates over whether or not you can float an entire house down a river.
Axis walks into the town meeting, a hot cup of tea steaming in his hand. Almost immediately he senses the chilly climes of the townsfolk, their frustrations voiced in a vicious, positive feedback loop. He winces at their harsh censure. As he opens his mouth to justify his comrades valiant - and other, less-than-valiant - actions, he is interrupted by a rather rustic-looking man missing more than a few teeth, his clothes a patchwork tapestry of various scraps sewn together haphazardly.
"We float it down the river, whole damn town."
This comment, seemingly innocuous in its absurdity, weirdly resonates with the man. After mulling it over for several moments, Axis speaks to himself quietly, giving voice to his half-baked thoughts even as they coalesce. "Hang on a minute, now - that's not a half-bad idea."
Roep listens on with a grin, these townsfolk are certainly a whiny bunch. Their town would be a poisoned, stinking disaster if it weren't for he and Bulmeer. He looks over to Axis, the flamboyant creature who nearly dies so easily. "Not a bad idea?" He grins in a half drunken stupor, lighting his pipe. "Have you ever been on the water, contract boy? Have you sea legs? I'd find you vomiting in your soup, sickened by the rolling of waves." He doesn't want to admit his extreme apprehension at being back on a sailing vessel of any sort. "Do any of you know what it takes to sail? To live in a darkened hall, fending off rats that gnaw at you in your sleep? To eat nothing but rotten hardtack, lousy with weevils?" he looks towards a particularly goofy lookin' townsperson "a weevil is a fuckin' bug, mate. And they aren't 'specially tasty. And you," he points to the man who criticized their performance the previous night. "How would you like to see what it's like to pick up your own teeth with broken fingers? You hid in your bed like a coward, you rat face. I don't cares if you're not a warrior, when your livelihood is threatened you fuckin' make an appearance if you want to be viewed as man."
The rat-faced man accused of cowardice shouts a curt reply.
"Go ahead n break mah teeth, it's all I'd expect from the likes of you!"
The icy look this draws from John leaves a small crowd-free bubble around the man. His bravado falters and he stammers out a more respectful reply.
"Uh, what I mean to say is, It's that you know how to kill. That's your trade and you get by. We know how to till and plant, we get by."
Someone from the crowd helpfully suggests what you may recognize as a quote from famed Leshian General Leonus Tacticus.
"A werpon hild in'r hands a summ'n un pre pared to use it, belurngs to the enemy!" Tacticus may not have said it in so thick a rural accent, but many heads nod in sage agreement. Rat-face carries on where he left off.
"Just so. Any one of us'll work like a dog unner the hot sun for nothin but a hope of better days, but fightin? We wouldn't know where to start."
"It's not about fightin! It's about defending!" Bulmeer proudly shouts out to the group of towns folk and farmers. "If you don't think Mr. Roep's advice about trying to float a house down the river is a bad idea, then maybe try floating an empty ol' chicken coup and just see what happens tooth man"
"Mr. Bundgrom?"
As is typical with a dwarf in a large crowd of humans, nobody had noticed your arrival.
"I've a world of respect for you Mr. Bundgrom, you knows that. I look around and I see acres of open farmland and I just don't see hows we can defend all that."
Posts
John knows what he's about and manages to stop his dwarven friend from making too much of a ruckus as he comes barreling out of his door with a hint of bloodlust about him. He also spots the now sober Axis Upon Repose Esq creeping along the side of the road and waves the man over.
You peek around the corner of the smithy and see a group of kobolds gathered around a nearby well. They've all got black handkerchiefs wrapped about their faces. One of them has a filthy burlap sack it opens and begins to fish around in. You can hear the clattering of wood against stone as they work to raise the bucket. There's an awful stench in the air. A rotten smell than clings to the inside of your nostrils.
Jeffrey is freaking out, struggling in vain to wriggle out of his straps.
"Look at those Jeffreys! Do you think they're very thirsty?" Axis pauses, suddenly smelling something rank and offal. "Oh...oh my. Jeffrey, did you poopy? No? Then...those little ones...are they poisoning the water hole? Oh, the poor misguided things! We must stop them - maybe we can scare them off?"
Axis appears frantic, shivering violently, his teeth chattering loudly in his skull. He takes Jeffrey from his back and squeezes him tightly, like an overgrown child clutching at its stuffed toy.
AC:12 \\ Atk:+3 \\ Dmg: 1d6+3 \\ Spd:30 \\ HP: 10/10
Saves \\ Str+1 \\ Dex+3 \\ Con+0 \\ Int-1 \\ Wis+0 \\ Cha+0
Pack tactics: Kobolds get +2 on attacks if there is another Kobold within 5 feet.
Roping the Kobold: 1d20+7 21
used acrobatics, again let me know if that's not the right skill for rope swinging. Assuming that hits...
Roep's roped him! He drags the smelly bastard swiftly away from the group while emitting a slight whistle. It's oddly ethereal. Something Bulmeer should recognize from the old days, where he found Roep semi-conscience and dying shortly after his journey back into the civilized world. It's evolved over their journeys to a simple meaning. "Come here, friend. Come here quickly." and sometimes with a bit of subtext "and womp this motherfucker!"
Smash in a god damn kobold: 1d20 13
dmg to kobold: 1d8+3 9
Finish off the kobold: 1d20+5 7
The kobold blood on his face drips into his eyes, it burns and obscures his vision. He misses the Kobold.
Finish the poor kobold: 1d20 17
Dmg: 1d8+3 4
Insight check into smell bag: 1d30+3 10
I'll only post a battle map if there are multiple enemy types and terrain to make a fight interesting. This is just a couple of kobolds in a field so we'll play it out in our shared imaginarium.
As soon as John opens the filthy sack at his feet, you're all assaulted by a choking stench. Inside the bag is a slug-like creature covered in rancid pustules that weep a sour purple fluid.
The smell: 2#1d20+1 3 17
The smell: 1d20+3 11
These are constitution saving throws.
Axis: Your eyes begin to water and snot pours from your nose. You're blinded by the stink for one round. (-5 to your attack next round if you make one.)
Kobolds Attack: 3#1d20+5 15 19 14
Damage: 3#1d6+3 4 6 4
The remaining kobolds burst into action as soon as the hammering begins. A kobold pounces for each of you. They're quick, and even Bullmeer in all his armor feels the sting of kobold claws. The one slashing at John makes a grab for the sack, but his feeble arms cannot pull it from Roep's grasp.
Snatch the sack: 1d20-1 8
I assign attacks and saving throws alphabetically, just so you know I'm not mixing and matching when I roll multiple dice.
Axis flees in a direction diametrically opposed from the smell sack. I realize this may prompt an attack of opportunity. I know his move speed is normally 30 feet/turn, but given that he's on his knees I'd say he's probably only able to move at half-speed.
Axe attack on kobold: 1d20+5 8
The blood in his eyes and smell in his nose is sensory overload. He’s practically swinging blind. And missing.
Roll to hit closest kobold: 1d20 13
Kobold being smashed to bits: 1d8+3 9
Axis took 4 damage
Bullmeer took 6 damage
John took 4 damage
One of the kobolds pursues the fleeing Axis Upon Repose as he stumbles blindly away from the skirmish. His claws sink deep into unprotected flesh as he bears axis to the ground.
Chasing Axis: 1d20+3 13
Somewhere deep in his tiny lizard brain, a part of what has come to think of itself as Jeffery whispers an urgent warning. It says the pink has been kind. It warns that the only thing between Jeffery and that terrible hammer is this pink's mercy. Jeffery's mouth fills with blood and his claws leave ragged tears in flesh as he contemplates this. A small part of Jeffery wonders why the pink's eyes look so full of sadness as the life fades from them. A small part of Jeffery is ashamed of what he's done. The rest of Jeffery is the brood now.
Betrayal!: 1d20+5 11
Axis being savaged by kobolds: 2#1d6+3 9 9
Axis takes 18 (holy crap they both maxed the dice) damage, bringing him to 0 hp when combined with the 4 he took last round. He is now unconscious and bleeding to death in a puddle of vomit. He'll make a death saving throw every turn. It's a flat out d20, no mods. 10 or over, nothing happens. If he rolls under 10 three times, he's dead.
A medicine check of 10 or higher will stop the death saving throws, but will take the full action for your turn as you bandage him up. Restoring hp to a creature is also a way to stop the death saves.
Other Kobolds attack: 2#1d20+5 9 8
The other kobolds try to slash at Bullmeer and John, but they've lost their initial momentum and can't seem to get their claws into any soft places.
Attacking a kobold: 1d20+5 21
Damage: 1d6+3 8
Unfinished business: 1d20 15
And, as the light fades in his eyes and he feels his arms grow heavy and numb and his breathing labored, Axis hears the sound of waves. He smiles inwardly, thinking of his childhood as everything fades away. Instead, however, the waves grow louder, into a soul-rending roar. And in that roar echoes a voice, like the sound of lovers whispering and the dying of daylight, across aeons and lightyears and galaxies, a voice so vociferous that the very warp and weft of spacetime unravel in its wake.
"NO."
And then, after a pause.
"TEND TO YOUR CRAFT. HONOR YOUR CONTRACT. SERVE ME AS WAS FORETOLD. RISE NOW AND ACT."
Axis' breathing slowly calms and becomes regular. Small motes of brilliant darkness dance along his face and hair. His has been beckoned back.
Axis power boost move fuck kobolds: 1d20+1 2
Kobolds vs John: 2#1d20+5 20 24
Damage: 2d6+6 15
Bullmeer stumbles, tripping over a lizard corpse and leaving himself open to attack.
Kobolds vs Bullmeer: 2#1d20+5 7 19
Damage: 1d6+3 5
Bullmeer tales 5 dmg and has 16 hp remaining
John takes 15 dmg and has 2 hp remaining
Roping a chimney to climb and escape: 1d20+7 11
sorry to try and abandon ya Nick, but I’m fucked if this doesn’t work and I think you can handle yourself. It’s not a great roll, let me know what happens Alex
Destroy the fucking lizards. leave nothing left.: 1d20+5 9
Nearby, a bird calls.
A note about Movement: As far as the rules go, I'm going to consider climbing, jumping and swimming as move actions even though they require a dice roll. In this format, that would take forever. You would have to pause mid-turn to ask the DC, which is silly. I therefor decree that unless I specify that the masonry is crumbling or the river is running swiftly and state a specific number to beat, you can assume that all movement checks have a DC of 10.
John manages to slip away (Your skirmisher ability means you don't take opportunity attacks doing this) and the kobolds pile in on Bullmeer. Shouting an ancient battle chant at the top of his lungs, Bullmeer swings his hammer in great sweeping arcs, trying valiantly to hold back the swarming creatures. They're too quick, they dart in and out, clawing furiously at anything in reach, wearing the dwarf down.
Can Bullmeer stand the heat?: 4#1d20+5 10 13 25 18
Damage: 2#1d6+3 8 9
Bullmeer falls to one knee. A masked kobold with a ruined arm steps in behind the harried dwarf and opens it's jaws wide.
Bullmeer is down, but, remember all that stuff about the rules of how climbing works?
John could have made an attack last turn, which could have killed an injured kobold and saved Bullmeer's life. I find this all wonderfully dramatic, so I'm going to let John make that attack.
If it hits, you kill the kobold threatening Bullmeer and save your friend, if it misses, he'll join Axis in making death saves and you're stuck like a cat up a tree. You can take a turn like normal after making the attack.
DESPERATE ATTACK TO KILL KOBOLD: 1d20+5 7
Fuck.
dropping a house on the kobolds: 1d20+7 10
Collapsing house on Kobold take #2 (IF I HAVE ADVANTAGE): 1d20+7 27
i am posting now because I am in the only place where I’ll have service for the next 20 hours. I have no idea if me being in the roof out of sight counts as advantage. For obvious reasons I hope it does. God speed
John soars over the heads of the kobolds below him and lands with a savage tug at the ropes in his hands. The kobolds, watching him, don't notice as the wall behind them begins to topple over.
Kobolds dodge: 4#1d20+1 21 20 11 17
Damage: 3#3d6+6 17 15 15
With a terrible crash the entire hut collapses, one wall pitching out and down to crush the gathered kobolds. Bullmeer isn't conscious to appreciate the precision of the manuever as the open window falls over his still form, leaving an unharmed dwarf in the center of the wreckage.
By now, the racket you've all been making has woken up the town and folks in their night clothes are cautiously approaching. The one kobold who managed to evade the collapsing building takes a moment to assess the situation and decides to bugger off into the night, his glowing tie flapping behind him as he flees across the field.
Mayor Cass is the first on the scene. She immediately begins dispatching orders to the sleepy eyed townsfolk. Hot water and fresh linens are being brought as your companions are nursed back from the edge of oblivion.
You live another day, just barely.
Those of you who dropped are awake now with 1 HP. John isn't doing much better with his 2 hp. Anything you want to say/do before a much needed long rest?
Bulmeer removes his armor back in the smith shop, and is astounded by the wounds he's sustained. He wonders how he can even stand.
Stink: 1d20 9
He staggers back, stumbling to his knees and losing his dinner.
Axis takes Bulmeer's hand and gingerly finds his legs, shaky, ashen, and weak. He nods, appreciative of Bulmeer's gracious offer. He is injured, hungry, and alone, and in absolutely no state to refuse.
Axis looks off to John Roep's rapidly retreating backside with what can only be described as utter abhorrence. In this night, he has learned to hate. The motes of darkness dance at his fingers and then he is away.
Prepare yourselves to face your first day as heroes. When you step outside you'll find the town having a meeting of sorts outside the mayor's house.
As he stands to walk, he notes that his leg laceration has been expertly repaired by an unknown party. Indeed, his injuries are markedly improved from the prior evening; other than a slight limp and an occasional grimace, you'd not know that this man lay on the very precipice of death mere hours earlier. While the dwarf's extra bed was a tad short for a man of his frame, Axis has slept soundly. He feels a strange and intense mixture of gratitude and shame that he attributes to the dwarf's kindness and the profundity of his own weakness, respectively. As he enters the kitchen, Axis is accosted by the whistle of a teakettle boiling over the lovely smell of something savory.
"We ain't got no militia, we ain't got weapons or the know how to use em."
"I'm just asking you to help. They can't do this alone."
"Darn right! Proved it last night!" someone shouts to a murmur of agreement.
"I just want to keep the town safe."
"I want the crops to grow in winter."
"Town's the people, we should move on, come back once they've left."
"They'll catch us out, carrying everything we own on our backs. Ain't no runnin from this."
"We float it down the river, whole damn town."
"I didn't come all the way out here to let a couple lizards scare me off."
"She ain't got the authority to make me'n mine do nuthin we ain't fixin to do ourselves."
"We've got to pull together."
"It's pointless, we're wasting valuable time!"
At this point the mayor has lost control and the conversation dissolves into a dozen separate arguments. From what you're able to make out the general debate is about whether or not the town should form a militia and hold it's ground or attempt to flee to somewhere safer. High minded arguments about military authority are peppered in with debates over whether or not you can float an entire house down a river.
"We float it down the river, whole damn town."
This comment, seemingly innocuous in its absurdity, weirdly resonates with the man. After mulling it over for several moments, Axis speaks to himself quietly, giving voice to his half-baked thoughts even as they coalesce. "Hang on a minute, now - that's not a half-bad idea."
"Go ahead n break mah teeth, it's all I'd expect from the likes of you!"
The icy look this draws from John leaves a small crowd-free bubble around the man. His bravado falters and he stammers out a more respectful reply.
"Uh, what I mean to say is, It's that you know how to kill. That's your trade and you get by. We know how to till and plant, we get by."
Someone from the crowd helpfully suggests what you may recognize as a quote from famed Leshian General Leonus Tacticus.
"A werpon hild in'r hands a summ'n un pre pared to use it, belurngs to the enemy!" Tacticus may not have said it in so thick a rural accent, but many heads nod in sage agreement. Rat-face carries on where he left off.
"Just so. Any one of us'll work like a dog unner the hot sun for nothin but a hope of better days, but fightin? We wouldn't know where to start."
Speech check against toothless ol' bastard: 1d20+1 12
As is typical with a dwarf in a large crowd of humans, nobody had noticed your arrival.
"I've a world of respect for you Mr. Bundgrom, you knows that. I look around and I see acres of open farmland and I just don't see hows we can defend all that."