The latter means I lack the capacity to experience sexual attraction towards people I don't have an emotional connection with.
This gets misconstrued as "I don't have sex with everyone I meet" alarmingly often, when what it actually means is the part of my brain that goes "I'd like to have sex at some point with another person" just doesn't ever turn on in regards to somebody I don't know. As far as I can tell, that literally can't happen.
Folks on average can have this experience much more easily, though it may happen often or rarely. Everyone is different. And those that do experience it may or may not choose to act upon it for various reasons.
Anyway, for most of my life, being around folks talking about sexual interests was a very alienating experience. I just never really had any interest in sex with anyone at all. I never got farther than making out with a handful of people over the last 23 or so years since puberty went off.
At least until last year, when I met @Amara_P. It's because of her that I realized I'm demi. She's an amazing gal, and she totally changed my life.
Goatmon on
Switch Friend Code: SW-6680-6709-4204
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Erin The RedThe Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMABaton Rouge, LARegistered Userregular
Welp fuck I guess I'm making a Bowsette costume for Halloween
Erin The RedThe Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMABaton Rouge, LARegistered Userregular
edited September 2018
Oh yep found the dress I wanna use. Gonna get this and some black sparkly flats and it's gonna be v good. Found tutorials for claws and crowns and spiked choker and bracelets and stuff
Oh yep found the dress I wanna use. Gonna get this and some black sparkly flats and it's gonna be v good. Found tutorials for claws and crowns and spiked choker and bracelets and stuff
So I joined a gym yesterday and got in touch with a personal trainer who has done a lot of study about trans fitness and stuff.
Gonna meet with her tomorrow and got a real good feeling about this.
Hello! I'm a trans guy from Ireland, definitely homo romantic, most likely some sort of asexual, trying to make an appointment with someone who's able to give me a letter or something to start this stuff rolling. There doesn't seem to be many who deal with trans stuff here in Ireland.
Linehan’s skin is so thin that he doubles as model for musculature, so be careful when tweeting about him.
100% this. The man is a toxic shithead TERF who doesn't hesitate to QT (quote tweet) anybody disagreeing with him, turning his awful followers on them.
Any desire to respond to his statements is best done using screenshots, which don't notify him of your presence.
Hello! I'm a trans guy from Ireland, definitely homo romantic, most likely some sort of asexual, trying to make an appointment with someone who's able to give me a letter or something to start this stuff rolling. There doesn't seem to be many who deal with trans stuff here in Ireland.
Nice to meet you, Satanic Jesus!
Switch Friend Code: SW-6680-6709-4204
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Zilla36021st Century. |She/Her|Trans* Woman In Aviators Firing A Bazooka. ⚛️Registered Userregular
Today was a really good day; because I finally got to see a doctor about a surgical referral! Whoop whoop! :biggrin:
Consult should be in Spring next year; and then maybe up to another ~12 months for the actual procedure.
It's me, the Canadian, all gay, knee-deep in bear subculture, in a triad now for almost a full year, and how the hell did things get here?
Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm a minority in this thread, but if anyone has questions about m2m stuff, I can answer some of the basics, keeping in mind I'm not a therapist, nor an expert. I only worked for an adult hook-up site for about 8 years though, so I guess I have some clout? :P
All right, back from a long vacation where I didn’t think about gender shit basically at all because I didn’t interact with anyone heh and my sense of gender is pretty socially dependent
That said today in transit I uh actually got kicked out of the women’s restroom by shocked Turkish ladies at the Istanbul airport (“no! Man! That way!”) and then on the plane the flight attendant was like wait I can’t serve you alcohol, how old are you, and was then disbelieving when I said 30.
But then again, to get a taxi just now the guy was like sir—er ma’am—before I even opened my mouth so I just have no sense of how people read me. Did encounter some sexually aggressive gay guys in Berlin in the dance floor who were reading me as gay (male)(I had to actually be physically aggressive to get the one guy away; that was interesting) but also had a lovely conversation with a gay girl who was reading me as gay (female) so ????
Regardless, I start a new job on Monday where I will be using my new name and am committed to correcting people on pronouns and I suppose using the men’s room. I will say: “actually, I use they pronouns or male pronouns so yeah he not she” or something to that effect. It will be highly educated probably young-skewing people in the DC area, so I assume everyone will be invested in performing allyship (they better be!)
No one has told me the dress code but the interview was very much suit and tie and potentially the first day of work should be also...maybe suit and no tie though; so confusing; what do consultants wear (what is a consultant even, remains the question)
Based solely on television, I think consultants wear suit and no tie with the top button left casually and confidently open in a way that says "I exist outside your power structure, clients."
Based solely on television, I think consultants wear suit and no tie with the top button left casually and confidently open in a way that says "I exist outside your power structure, clients."
Unless they are consulting in some space with a lax dress code in which case they wear very expensive suits and ties and are impeccably put together in a way that somehow also says "I exist outside your power structure, clients."
I was in Italy last week (unfortunately had a bad time overall) and I might've referred to myself as female on one occasion. Also walked into the ladies' room afterwards but I think that was because I'm used to the men's room being positioned on the left.
I have been on a big queer reading binge for the last couple of weeks, but now I've run out of books. Anyone have any recommendations? I've mostly been in the mood for fluffy stuff, coming out stories, that sort of thing, but I'm just generally curious about what folks are reading, too.
I recommend Song of Achilles. Here's what I wrote about it in the book thread:
A couple times I've half-jokingly said I'm going to make a videogame set in mythical ancient greece called The Hot Gay Adventures of Achilles and Patroclus. Anyway this lead me to wonder if anyone had ever written a gay romance novel about Achilles and his beloved companion Patroclus. I did some googling and it turned out someone did: The Song of Achilles, by Madeline Miller - winner of the 2012 Orange Prize for best British book by a female author. Of course I ordered it immediately, and just finished it yesterday.
It's good! I cried at the end.
It's interesting how mixed the reviews seem to be. Some are ecstatic, some pretty negative. The negative one in the New York Times complains that it feels like a young adult novel - I agree, but don't really see that as a bad thing. I think it's a novel that could be enjoyed by a wide variety of people, but yeah, if I had to pick the novel's 'ideal reader' the person that comes to mind is a teenage girl, or queer boy. And that's fine!
The review also complains that the book has too many softcore gay sex scenes, and, mm...no
no it does not
After that I checked out Fire From Heaven by Mary Renault, about Alexander the Great, in part because Miller is often compared to Renault. Also good! But drier, less 'fluffy'. Also way subtler about the gay romance, which makes sense considering that it was written back in the 60s. Like, there was a passage where Alexander and Hephaestion are talking about 'feeling sad after' and I realized they were talking about post-orgasm sadness, and I'm like 'wait...did I...miss a sex scene?' So I went back and found a passage about some animals being scared off by their breathing and I'm like 'I...guess...that's the sex scene?'
Hi, I'm me, still figuring out what that means, but I'm here, I'm queer and I've no strong feelings either way on the quantity of bears.
cred: Consultant dress code depends on the environment, but you can't be overdressed in a suit - and if you wear a tie, you can always take it off if you're the only guy in the room wearing one. I'm usually in slacks and a branded polo, but I'm a post sales IT consultant, and most of my customers down in the IT mines dress similarly. That also means I can wear kevlar lined motorcycling pants all day rather than having to cram one pant over another.. which seems like it'd suck in summer.
"Maybe you can't. I'm very talented." is the best response I've seen to that kind of BS.
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H3KnucklesBut we decide which is rightand which is an illusion.Registered Userregular
edited September 2018
My dad is a consultant (engineering firm for the railroad industry). Went from always wearing a suit & tie to plaid flannel shirts and casual slacks (mostly navy or black) after the 90's dressing-down of office wear. Edit: he'd also wear cardigans over a button down dress shirt instead of the flannels some days. Most of his younger coworkers wore typical silicon valley/IT sector business casual (khakis and branded polos) the few times I met/saw pictures of them.
I'm bi/pan cis in a hetero marriage and we have a child.
I actually came out on Facebook last weekend in Bi visibility day and I the overall reaction was.... Silence.
Big resounding silence. I honestly don't know how to take that.
I mean, Erin commented. But Erin is awesome
Hey, you're awesome and valid and good and hopefully people went "oh ok!" And just went on with their day since it doesn't negatively affect them in any way.
I feel bad-ish that virtually nobody I physically know knows about the whole poly thing? Aside from two co-workers and like 6 other people.
I just... It doesn't feel worth the drama. If either of our sets of parents find out I'm sure they'll shit a brick wall. But why does it matter? How does it affect their lives? Urrrrrgh
Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
Had my first day of my part time college course today. Got my name changed on my records and a new ID card. Got gendered as female the whole day but nobody seemed to react weirdly to my name. Which I guess means because it's not too common here maybe people think it can be a girl's name too, or they thought it was weird but were all extremely good at hiding it.
Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
Eh, it does suck a bit but I'm not too bothered right now. I am so timid about this whole process that if I get to spend time adjusting to using a new name before dealing with trying to get gendered correctly then that's probably for the best.
I have gone out wearing a blouse and heeled boots, carrying a purse, and given my very feminine name, Lexi, and still been "sir'ed". People will straight up ignore every sign you put up and I have no doubt I could be wearing a big ol' tag with my pronouns on it and it would not make a difference.
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21stCenturyCall me Pixel, or Pix for short![They/Them]Registered Userregular
edited September 2018
Hello new thread.
I'm 21st, the Ace not-Cis person!
I'm still unsure what my gender is but i know i don't like being a guy anymore. Please use "they" for me, as that makes me happy.
I'm really not moving forward quickly with the gender exploration and it's probably a really bad idea but it's scary. I get very mild dysphoria now, though, which....... sucks. it really sucks. But without insurance things are tricky, even in Canada.
Your weight and diet can significantly influence your healing, the results of your surgery, your ability to take care of yourself. It is preferable to have attained a healthy weight by the time of your surgery (a BMI between 18.5 and 25). If your BMI is below or above the normal range, your situation will be assessed and you will be informed of your possibilities for surgery. GRS Montréal can direct you to resources that can help you achieve your weight loss or weight gain goals.
I gotta lose forty pounds this is bullshit Hurghlahfhaha
Yo. it's in the Canadian Constitution that if you get to Montreal I have to take you to brunch.
This goes to everyone. If you come to Montreal, I have to take you to brunch.
Posts
The latter means I lack the capacity to experience sexual attraction towards people I don't have an emotional connection with.
This gets misconstrued as "I don't have sex with everyone I meet" alarmingly often, when what it actually means is the part of my brain that goes "I'd like to have sex at some point with another person" just doesn't ever turn on in regards to somebody I don't know. As far as I can tell, that literally can't happen.
Folks on average can have this experience much more easily, though it may happen often or rarely. Everyone is different. And those that do experience it may or may not choose to act upon it for various reasons.
Anyway, for most of my life, being around folks talking about sexual interests was a very alienating experience. I just never really had any interest in sex with anyone at all. I never got farther than making out with a handful of people over the last 23 or so years since puberty went off.
At least until last year, when I met @Amara_P. It's because of her that I realized I'm demi. She's an amazing gal, and she totally changed my life.
You are going to break hearts.
Her - "what are you smiling about?"
Me - "like I need to be any taller..."
Her - "you are built like a supermodel amazon, own that shit"
Me - ☺️
Needless to say, I haven't slouched all day.
ineedmayo.com Eidolon Journal Updated
My friend, Molly
Good ol' KBTGD, we calls 'er
Gonna meet with her tomorrow and got a real good feeling about this.
100% this. The man is a toxic shithead TERF who doesn't hesitate to QT (quote tweet) anybody disagreeing with him, turning his awful followers on them.
Any desire to respond to his statements is best done using screenshots, which don't notify him of your presence.
Nice to meet you, Satanic Jesus!
Consult should be in Spring next year; and then maybe up to another ~12 months for the actual procedure.
It's me, the Canadian, all gay, knee-deep in bear subculture, in a triad now for almost a full year, and how the hell did things get here?
Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm a minority in this thread, but if anyone has questions about m2m stuff, I can answer some of the basics, keeping in mind I'm not a therapist, nor an expert. I only worked for an adult hook-up site for about 8 years though, so I guess I have some clout? :P
Steam: TheArcadeBear
That said today in transit I uh actually got kicked out of the women’s restroom by shocked Turkish ladies at the Istanbul airport (“no! Man! That way!”) and then on the plane the flight attendant was like wait I can’t serve you alcohol, how old are you, and was then disbelieving when I said 30.
But then again, to get a taxi just now the guy was like sir—er ma’am—before I even opened my mouth so I just have no sense of how people read me. Did encounter some sexually aggressive gay guys in Berlin in the dance floor who were reading me as gay (male)(I had to actually be physically aggressive to get the one guy away; that was interesting) but also had a lovely conversation with a gay girl who was reading me as gay (female) so ????
Regardless, I start a new job on Monday where I will be using my new name and am committed to correcting people on pronouns and I suppose using the men’s room. I will say: “actually, I use they pronouns or male pronouns so yeah he not she” or something to that effect. It will be highly educated probably young-skewing people in the DC area, so I assume everyone will be invested in performing allyship (they better be!)
No one has told me the dress code but the interview was very much suit and tie and potentially the first day of work should be also...maybe suit and no tie though; so confusing; what do consultants wear (what is a consultant even, remains the question)
Unless they are consulting in some space with a lax dress code in which case they wear very expensive suits and ties and are impeccably put together in a way that somehow also says "I exist outside your power structure, clients."
Your friendly femme-ish, queer, poly/RA, awkward Usagi reporting in
I recommend Song of Achilles. Here's what I wrote about it in the book thread:
After that I checked out Fire From Heaven by Mary Renault, about Alexander the Great, in part because Miller is often compared to Renault. Also good! But drier, less 'fluffy'. Also way subtler about the gay romance, which makes sense considering that it was written back in the 60s. Like, there was a passage where Alexander and Hephaestion are talking about 'feeling sad after' and I realized they were talking about post-orgasm sadness, and I'm like 'wait...did I...miss a sex scene?' So I went back and found a passage about some animals being scared off by their breathing and I'm like 'I...guess...that's the sex scene?'
cred: Consultant dress code depends on the environment, but you can't be overdressed in a suit - and if you wear a tie, you can always take it off if you're the only guy in the room wearing one. I'm usually in slacks and a branded polo, but I'm a post sales IT consultant, and most of my customers down in the IT mines dress similarly. That also means I can wear kevlar lined motorcycling pants all day rather than having to cram one pant over another.. which seems like it'd suck in summer.
Hail Witch King Usagi!
I'm Ahava.
I'm bi/pan cis in a hetero marriage and we have a child.
I actually came out on Facebook last weekend in Bi visibility day and I the overall reaction was.... Silence.
Big resounding silence. I honestly don't know how to take that.
I mean, Erin commented. But Erin is awesome
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
Hey, you're awesome and valid and good and hopefully people went "oh ok!" And just went on with their day since it doesn't negatively affect them in any way.
I feel bad-ish that virtually nobody I physically know knows about the whole poly thing? Aside from two co-workers and like 6 other people.
I just... It doesn't feel worth the drama. If either of our sets of parents find out I'm sure they'll shit a brick wall. But why does it matter? How does it affect their lives? Urrrrrgh
Sorry about the misgendering
I'm 21st, the Ace not-Cis person!
I'm still unsure what my gender is but i know i don't like being a guy anymore. Please use "they" for me, as that makes me happy.
I'm really not moving forward quickly with the gender exploration and it's probably a really bad idea but it's scary. I get very mild dysphoria now, though, which....... sucks. it really sucks. But without insurance things are tricky, even in Canada.
Yo. it's in the Canadian Constitution that if you get to Montreal I have to take you to brunch.
This goes to everyone. If you come to Montreal, I have to take you to brunch.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
Just go out for a sec and then back in