As someone who manages customer service people and occasionally trains customer service people, I stress avoiding gendering people at all if you're even a a little bit unsure about someone's presentation, and even if you are maybe try not to. Using sir or ma'am to be polite is pretty ingrained in people but it isn't necessary for having a good interaction. I don't know if that's becoming the norm nationwide but I'm hoping it eventually is.
I will take a slightly awkward "boss" or "chief" or even "pal" over a "sir" if I'm going to be directly addressed but usually it's just not necessary at all
I will take a slightly awkward "boss" or "chief" or even "pal" over a "sir" if I'm going to be directly addressed but usually it's just not necessary at all
i'll refer to you primarily as league champion
0
H3KnucklesBut we decide which is rightand which is an illusion.Registered Userregular
edited September 2018
So here's a question; I habitually use words like 'dude' or 'guys' as gender neutral casual forms of address. Is this something I should actively work to stop, or do you think most trans people would understand that I'm not labelling them when I say it?
so, this is all absolutely personal, but for me it's context
I will absolutely be fine with a very relaxed friend saying "you guuuuuuys" or a "dude. yes!" in the same way that diner staff are permitted to call every person on the planet "hon" or "sugar".
but like, if you're out and about in the world, and not actually chill at that moment, and I get a "hey dude can you pass me the grapes" I'll probably not want to hand you the grapes, or at least, will hand them to you somewhat resentfully. similarly, if someone at work said "hey guys", I'd wince and wish they'd just said "hey team" or "hey everyone" or "hey insert form of address that doesn't lean into institutional discrimination in our industry."
aStoryAboutYou on
+1
21stCenturyCall me Pixel, or Pix for short![They/Them]Registered Userregular
So here's a question; I habitually use words like 'dude' or 'guys' as gender neutral casual forms of address. Is this something I should actively work to stop, or do you think most trans people would understand that I'm not labelling them when I say it?
For me it varies by person and context.
My best friend talks like that a lot and it doesn't bother me at all, but she's a fellow trans woman and we've only known each other post-transition, so it's really damn easy to take it in good faith. If some random man does it it's more likely to grate a little. If it's an especially bro-y guy and I'm the only woman in the group and I know that he knows I'm trans I'd probably feel outright pissed off.
So here's a question; I habitually use words like 'dude' or 'guys' as gender neutral casual forms of address. Is this something I should actively work to stop, or do you think most trans people would understand that I'm not labelling them when I say it?
I'd encourage anyone to change their language to be fully inclusive. Takes some work, but I really appreciate it when someone puts the time in.
+6
AthenorBattle Hardened OptimistThe Skies of HiigaraRegistered Userregular
I use guys a lot inclusively, just because of how I was raised, but I'm trying my damndest to not use that to address emails or team communications. The problem is I still have some grammatical ticks that kick in if I feel like I'm overusing a particular word, and just doesn't like the structure of "hey all" or the like. I've switched to using "All" or the team's name, except for really close work friends, and even then...
At Netrunner worlds, there were so many cool people that I was afraid to strike up a conversation with because I wasn't sure what pronouns to use. I regret that, as Netrunner has tried to be a very inclusive community and progressive in its portrayal of humanity, and I constantly fear that I'm going to be the slipup or that my shyness/timidness/paralyzing fear is going to be taken as a rejection or offense.
Oh. Um.. Hey everyone, Athenor, fairly certain he's a cis white hetero male, but is starting to question things regarding sexual orientation but not sure if I'm willing to open that can of worms with myself just yet. Also sucks at making eye contact. =/
Yeah for me the thing is, one-on-one it usually doesn't bother me, especially if it's with people whose speaking style I'm familiar with. My friends who call literally everyone "dude" aren't gonna bother me because I don't feel othered or disrespected by it. But for people who don't know them and don't know the way they talk, that's probably not gonna read the same, so I'm hesitant to say just because I'm conditionally cool with it means it's okay in a broad sense, y'know?
It's definitely worth trying to develop more gender neutral habits, even if just so if someone ever does say "hey I'm not comfortable with that term" you're in a position to accommodate that easily.
I will take a slightly awkward "boss" or "chief" or even "pal" over a "sir" if I'm going to be directly addressed but usually it's just not necessary at all
i'll refer to you primarily as league champion
Please, "champ in the making". I haven't earned that title yet.
"guy" and "dude" are not gender-neutral. The idea that they are come from the idea that male is default, so male terms are default. I know that you, personally, are not doing that. But that's the history of it.
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
+8
H3KnucklesBut we decide which is rightand which is an illusion.Registered Userregular
edited September 2018
Okay, thanks for the feedback. Guess I'll have to try to work that out. I was able to get used to not using 'gay' when I mean 'bad', nor 'retarded' for 'stupid', so it's just a matter of being aware to put in the effort.
FTR, I'm a 35 y/o white guy from a mostly upper-middle class suburban area outside Philly that, over the course of my youth transitioned from an almost exclusively white conservative inherited-wealth background to being mostly center-left yuppies with a lot more ethnic diversity. I feel like pretty much my whole life has been a process of learning tolerance & political correctness (which, let's be honest, is really just about being polite), but LGBTQ stuff fell into kind of a weird place for me.
I was exposed to things like Scott Thompson's monologues in Kids in the Hall, and the beginning parts of Rocky Horror Picture Show at a very young age (like 6-8) by my oldest sister who's always been kind of a pop culture/counter culture buff. Maybe not exactly 'good' representation, but people being gay or transgender just never really seemed like a big deal to me? I also grew up friends with one guy who pretty much everyone knew was gay a decade before he came out, one who I lost touch with after highschool but I'm pretty sure was at least bi (the fact he spent most of our teen years regularly going to movies and having sleepovers with the guy who did come out was kind of a hint), another friend who began transitioning between senior year and college, and an elementary school friend who's family moved away that routinely made up girl versions of characters to pretend to be whenever we'd play make-believe. I mean, I understood that socially it was considered a big deal, but I never saw anything wrong with it and thought people who felt otherwise were being stupid.
But now that I'm older and making more of a conscious effort to educate myself on social issues and be considerate, I find myself wondering if taking that acceptance for granted may have resulted in something of a blind spot with regard to things like how I act or address people. I suppose it's just another opportunity for learning.
As for me personally? My name's Henry, I'm a man, but beyond that? Well I honestly don't have a clue how to describe myself. I've never really come across labels that fit, and most of the time I'm content to be 'seen' as a typical straight/cis guy. I'm mostly attracted to women. I don't find men physically attractive the way I do women, but I do find cocks hot and can enjoy some kinds of gay porn. Bi-curious implies uncertainty, but at this point in my life I feel like I have a pretty good handle what I like and don't. For that matter Bi itself seems like an over-statement. Similarly, all my life I've been kind of interested in the concept of things like sex-changes, crossdressing, and such, but almost exclusively as a temporary experience or more specifically as a sexual fantasy. I've never felt any kind of anxiety or discomfort over being a man, or having to wear men's clothes, or being hairy, etc the way Wyvern describes on the first page. I don't want to transition or live as a woman, but if I could get a magic wish the ability to shapeshift like Mystique from X-Men would be at the top of my list. And if presented the option in a game I will usually make/play as a girl character (although to be fair, most of my WoW and City of Heroes characters were male, especially whenever I was planning to actually roleplay as them, and I was more comfortable with people knowing I was a guy when playing my girl characters). Does that make me trans? Cis doesn't seem right.
As for me personally? My name's Henry, I'm a guy, but beyond that? Well I honestly don't have a clue how to describe myself. I've never really come across labels that fit, and most of the time I'm content to be 'seen' as a typical straight/cis guy. I'm mostly attracted to women. I don't find men physically attractive the way I do women, but I do find cocks hot and can enjoy some kinds of gay porn. Bi-curious implies uncertainty, but at this point in my life I feel like I have a pretty good handle what I like and don't. For that matter Bi itself seems like an over-statement. Similarly, all my life I've been kind of interested in the concept of things like sex-changes, crossdressing, and such, but almost exclusively as a temporary experience or more specifically as a sexual fantasy. I've never felt any kind of anxiety or discomfort over being a man, or having to wear men's clothes, or being hairy, etc the way Wyvern describes on the first page. I don't want to transition or live as a woman, but if I could get a magic wish the ability to shapeshift like Mystique from X-Men would be at the top of my list. And if presented the option in a game I will usually make/play as a girl character (although to be fair, most of my WoW and City of Heroes characters were male, especially whenever I was planning to actually roleplay as them, and I was more comfortable with people knowing I was a guy when playing my girl characters). Does that make me trans? Cis doesn't seem right.
The kinds of dysphoria I experienced are common but not universal. My advice would be to read up on nonbinary and especially genderfluid people and see if any of their experiences resonate with you at all.
Also, potential thought experiment: if you actually had the chance to live out those sorts of shapeshifting fantasies, how much would you would be willing to sacrifice for it? How do you think you would feel if you almost had that chance but missed out somehow, or if you had that power but then lost it? These were the sort of questions that really cemented my understanding of my own identity.
Being hairy never really bothered me much but I think that was partly because I was and still am very divorced from my own body... which in itself is a source of frustration to me
I hope that makes sense in any way
Platy on
0
KwoaruConfident SmirkFlawless Golden PecsRegistered Userregular
If we're sounding off then hello I'm very bi and I would like to make out with very many people in this world and there is not nearly enough time which bums me out a lot
Also as like a PSA but if you are a man who has sex with men, or you have sex with somebody who is, or for whatever reason you think exposure to HIV is a thing you have to worry about, consider talking to your doctor about truvada/prep
Its a daily medication that dramatically reduces (by like 92-99%) the chances of HIV infection if taken properly
It doesn't protect against any other STI but it does protect against the big scary one and there are prescription assistance programs (in the US at least) to help make it affordable if you have no insurance or your insurances doesn't cover it
Safe sex is still always the smartest decision and all that but I've found that it is a huge load off my mind cause now if a hookup gets a little more wild than I expected (or worse it went sideways somehow) I at least don't have to worry about getting HIV
Its an incredible tool in prevention and hopefully its use becomes more widespread and even more hopefully it helps reduces the stigma faced by those who are HIV positive
I take prep, too! Every ‘mo should! If you’re sexually active at least. Or plan to be!
One caveat is you can’t miss a dose, ever? Or it loses efficacy until you have more in you. But, like. If having to take a pill every day means I’m not dying in a very special episode of the1980s sitcom that is my life, I’ll gladly do it. Not like I don’t have a pile of other pills I’ve got to take for the rest of my life, nawmean
+7
H3KnucklesBut we decide which is rightand which is an illusion.Registered Userregular
As for me personally? My name's Henry, I'm a guy, but beyond that? Well I honestly don't have a clue how to describe myself. I've never really come across labels that fit, and most of the time I'm content to be 'seen' as a typical straight/cis guy. I'm mostly attracted to women. I don't find men physically attractive the way I do women, but I do find cocks hot and can enjoy some kinds of gay porn. Bi-curious implies uncertainty, but at this point in my life I feel like I have a pretty good handle what I like and don't. For that matter Bi itself seems like an over-statement. Similarly, all my life I've been kind of interested in the concept of things like sex-changes, crossdressing, and such, but almost exclusively as a temporary experience or more specifically as a sexual fantasy. I've never felt any kind of anxiety or discomfort over being a man, or having to wear men's clothes, or being hairy, etc the way Wyvern describes on the first page. I don't want to transition or live as a woman, but if I could get a magic wish the ability to shapeshift like Mystique from X-Men would be at the top of my list. And if presented the option in a game I will usually make/play as a girl character (although to be fair, most of my WoW and City of Heroes characters were male, especially whenever I was planning to actually roleplay as them, and I was more comfortable with people knowing I was a guy when playing my girl characters). Does that make me trans? Cis doesn't seem right.
The kinds of dysphoria I experienced are common but not universal. My advice would be to read up on nonbinary and especially genderfluid people and see if any of their experiences resonate with you at all.
Also, potential thought experiment: if you actually had the chance to live out those sorts of shapeshifting fantasies, how much would you would be willing to sacrifice for it? How do you think you would feel if you almost had that chance but missed out somehow, or if you had that power but then lost it? These were the sort of questions that really cemented my understanding of my own identity.
Interesting point. Still, that's just the latest in a long list of examples of reading about the experiences and feelings of people who've transitioned/want to transition and feeling a strong sense of disconnect. I can empathize with them, but I've never really felt that way myself. As to your advice, I'll have to look into it. I'm familiar with both terms but I've never really read any kind of detailed writing about it.
For the thought experiment, the answers would be:
How much would I be willing to give up for it? Very little, but then a lot of my life's problems as an adult stem from having very little motivation to do things even when they are in my own best interests, so I'm not sure how useful that answer is
How would I feel if I'd missed out on the chance for it? Pretty crushed, but that's another thing that feeds into larger idiosyncrasies of mine. Like Jerry's previously written about in this site's newsposts, I can be extremely indecisive because every choice we make closes off other possibilities, and I'm prone to being a bit scatterbrained about what I do in my spare time because I hate to let opportunities slip.
How would I feel if I'd had the power and lost it? I'm pretty sure I'd be able to move on eventually. I've had a lot of great experiences in my life that I wish I could have done more with, but I don't tend to dwell on them.
An analogy that I hope doesn't offend anyone; I grew up watching GI Joe, reading stories about Horatio Hornblower, watching the History Channel's many, many WW2 shows, playing wargames and flight sims and first person shooters. I like to fantasize about what it would be like to be a military bad-ass and have an almost endless interest in military trivia and fiction. But I've never wanted to enlist, or experience actual life in the service. The fantasy of being able to be a beautiful woman appeals to me, the reality of what life as a woman is like does not (at least, not the kind of woman I would want to be).
So here's a question; I habitually use words like 'dude' or 'guys' as gender neutral casual forms of address. Is this something I should actively work to stop, or do you think most trans people would understand that I'm not labelling them when I say it?
I've been training myself to use "folks" instead (I pretend its spelled "folx" so it's more hip)
Being hairy never really bothered me much but I think that was partly because I was and still am very divorced from my own body... which in itself is a source of frustration to me
I hope that makes sense in any way
Although I remember an incident similar to Wyvern's where I shaved part of my body hair as a teenager and my family got so irritated over it that I didn't try again
0
Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
Today I am mostly being annoyed by tits. Fuck off, tits.
Today I am mostly being annoyed by tits. Fuck off, tits.
Fortunately you've initiated procedures to have them off, yeah, even if it'll be in a while. You're totally making progress!
In the mean time, I'm v envious you've managed to actually change your name! I really need to do that but it seems challenging and I should wait until all the paperwork involved in my new job and whatnot goes through, I think
Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
I'm in this weird name limbo right now. My driving licence says Seth and my college has me on file with that name, but I'm still my old name everywhere else. People at college and my therapist and best mate call me Seth but my family and everyone else don't. So I don't know what my official name is right now. I feel like a secret agent but with 2 codenames and no real name. It's kind of a headfuck.
I'm kind of impressed with myself that I actually changed it at the college. I think if my new licence hadn't arrived exactly when it did I wouldn't have done it.
Also, the other day I was remembering the first time I ever decided I wanted to transition. It was somewhere near the end of 2013 (I just suppressed it to the point of entirely forgetting about it for 4 years, woo) And I remember thinking "Ok, this is a thing I want to do but there's no way I can tell my parents so I guess I'll just wait until they're dead."
Like I was so afraid of telling them that I thought it would be impossible. But then I did tell them. Remembering that has taken some of the fear off the things I still have to do.
+10
Hi I'm Vee!Formerly VH; She/Her; Is an E X P E R I E N C ERegistered Userregular
I'm in this weird name limbo right now. My driving licence says Seth and my college has me on file with that name, but I'm still my old name everywhere else. People at college and my therapist and best mate call me Seth but my family and everyone else don't. So I don't know what my official name is right now. I feel like a secret agent but with 2 codenames and no real name. It's kind of a headfuck.
I'm kind of impressed with myself that I actually changed it at the college. I think if my new licence hadn't arrived exactly when it did I wouldn't have done it.
I'm in a really similar boat and it's really hard sometimes. I haven't officially changed my name yet or come out at work, but a lot of my friends know and use my new name. It's actually starting to become a problem at work where I occasionally try to use the wrong name to sign into things...
Six-month check-up next week, and I’m hoping I can get on progesterone to see if it does anything for me.
I'm in a weird boat because I just hit my six months and I'd like to get on progesterone and maybe up my estradiol, but ALSO I just switched doctors like a month ago and had to get new labwork and it was expensive and apparently NOT covered by my insurance so I really don't want to schedule another appointment for a while
So I had a fun trip to the neurologist the other day. How is that relevant you ask? In a hilarious twist of fate.
I have had some health issues for years. Fibromyalgia has been the diagnosis for a decade or so, but that has recently come into question. Mostly the issue for the neurologist was my random paralysis that has defied a diagnosis. This is from multiple ER trips, primary care, and allergists. It became more apparently a thing after physical therapy cleared up a great deal of my other symptoms leaving me somewhat at a loss. It did give me a ridiculous level of blood work to throw at the neurologist which was good.
So talking to him he seemed to have half a thought. Apparently there is a condition called Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis. Short version is my potassium levels crash and my muscles lose all strength as a result. It is still early to call it confirmed, but blood drawn during an attack did show I was low on potassium which has not otherwise been an issue for me. He told me to google it, see if it fit, and we would talk more when we met back up for some tests. It certainly fits, but the part that got me was the medicine. Apparently, you want a potassium-sparing diuretic. For the observant ladies in the crowd you are correct. This includes Spironolactone. Incidentally it seems like it might help with my high blood pressure as well.
I about died laughing when I read this. Guess when I decide to get around to HRT at least part of it will definitely be covered by insurance.
Six-month check-up next week, and I’m hoping I can get on progesterone to see if it does anything for me.
I'm in a weird boat because I just hit my six months and I'd like to get on progesterone and maybe up my estradiol, but ALSO I just switched doctors like a month ago and had to get new labwork and it was expensive and apparently NOT covered by my insurance so I really don't want to schedule another appointment for a while
Take the bloodwork results to the new doctor. It's only a month old, so that should be sufficient to get an idea of how you've been doing. If they raise a stink then just be blunt and tell them that you simply cannot afford to have it done again so soon. Then it's just a simple matter of getting a prescription for the new stuff.
Also, if they raise a stink then that may be a sign to switch doctors if possible.
So, I've been playing a game on the Switch that JUST came out a few days ago. It's called Wandersong, and it's super good!
It's about a bard who finds out that the world is going to end, and he decides to try to save it by singing. No, seriously, the main mechanic of the game is singing. You sing to defend yourself against enemies, to solve puzzles, and eventually to save the whole dang world.
The game is super colorful and fun and silly, and is just loaded with heart, and I can't praise it enough.
It's surprisingly good in regards to queer representation, too, which is why I'm bringing it up here: The starting town has a lesbian couple; you meet a pair of troll boyfriends living in a cave; you meet a group of transfemme mermaids on a tropical island, and other cool folks! And it's all played totally straight (so to speak) without poking fun at queerness. Queer people are just casually found all over, which is real nice. This is in addition to featuring lots of fun female characters, including a witch girl who is the friend and teammate of the protagonist. It's a much more mixed cast than what I come to expect in games, and it's really refreshing.
Six-month check-up next week, and I’m hoping I can get on progesterone to see if it does anything for me.
I'm in a weird boat because I just hit my six months and I'd like to get on progesterone and maybe up my estradiol, but ALSO I just switched doctors like a month ago and had to get new labwork and it was expensive and apparently NOT covered by my insurance so I really don't want to schedule another appointment for a while
Take the bloodwork results to the new doctor. It's only a month old, so that should be sufficient to get an idea of how you've been doing. If they raise a stink then just be blunt and tell them that you simply cannot afford to have it done again so soon. Then it's just a simple matter of getting a prescription for the new stuff.
Also, if they raise a stink then that may be a sign to switch doctors if possible.
Yeah maybe I should call in and ask about it
0
Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
@Rainfall how did your gym stuff go? I'm going to one tonight and am nervous, because of course I am. But it was recommended to me by a guy from a trans group and he made it sound really good so fingers crossed it won't be too awkward.
Fun fact, that day ended up being a hellish nightmare! My car ended up stalling out on the several-mile bridge that crosses the ocean between Tampa and St. Petersburg in the middle of heavy traffic! I had to wait three hours for a tow sweating bullets in the harsh Florida sun! But I looked cute during this portion of the day
I also started seeing a therapist today at a somewhat-local LGBT center! That went well, I really shouldn’t have gone so long without
Rainfall how did your gym stuff go? I'm going to one tonight and am nervous, because of course I am. But it was recommended to me by a guy from a trans group and he made it sound really good so fingers crossed it won't be too awkward.
Oh! My gym stuff is going really well! The gym is nice and nobody gives a fuck, so I'm not too awkward about things. My trainer is really cool too, we did a bit of boxing stuff today which was v fun.
I'm a lot more comfortable than the last time I tried going to the gym, back in January. That was a disaster.
Posts
i'll refer to you primarily as league champion
I will absolutely be fine with a very relaxed friend saying "you guuuuuuys" or a "dude. yes!" in the same way that diner staff are permitted to call every person on the planet "hon" or "sugar".
but like, if you're out and about in the world, and not actually chill at that moment, and I get a "hey dude can you pass me the grapes" I'll probably not want to hand you the grapes, or at least, will hand them to you somewhat resentfully. similarly, if someone at work said "hey guys", I'd wince and wish they'd just said "hey team" or "hey everyone" or "hey insert form of address that doesn't lean into institutional discrimination in our industry."
Hmmm, in that case, i don't have to but i'll still want to. :razz:
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
My best friend talks like that a lot and it doesn't bother me at all, but she's a fellow trans woman and we've only known each other post-transition, so it's really damn easy to take it in good faith. If some random man does it it's more likely to grate a little. If it's an especially bro-y guy and I'm the only woman in the group and I know that he knows I'm trans I'd probably feel outright pissed off.
I'd encourage anyone to change their language to be fully inclusive. Takes some work, but I really appreciate it when someone puts the time in.
At Netrunner worlds, there were so many cool people that I was afraid to strike up a conversation with because I wasn't sure what pronouns to use. I regret that, as Netrunner has tried to be a very inclusive community and progressive in its portrayal of humanity, and I constantly fear that I'm going to be the slipup or that my shyness/timidness/paralyzing fear is going to be taken as a rejection or offense.
Oh. Um.. Hey everyone, Athenor, fairly certain he's a cis white hetero male, but is starting to question things regarding sexual orientation but not sure if I'm willing to open that can of worms with myself just yet. Also sucks at making eye contact. =/
It's definitely worth trying to develop more gender neutral habits, even if just so if someone ever does say "hey I'm not comfortable with that term" you're in a position to accommodate that easily.
Please, "champ in the making". I haven't earned that title yet.
FTR, I'm a 35 y/o white guy from a mostly upper-middle class suburban area outside Philly that, over the course of my youth transitioned from an almost exclusively white conservative inherited-wealth background to being mostly center-left yuppies with a lot more ethnic diversity. I feel like pretty much my whole life has been a process of learning tolerance & political correctness (which, let's be honest, is really just about being polite), but LGBTQ stuff fell into kind of a weird place for me.
I was exposed to things like Scott Thompson's monologues in Kids in the Hall, and the beginning parts of Rocky Horror Picture Show at a very young age (like 6-8) by my oldest sister who's always been kind of a pop culture/counter culture buff. Maybe not exactly 'good' representation, but people being gay or transgender just never really seemed like a big deal to me? I also grew up friends with one guy who pretty much everyone knew was gay a decade before he came out, one who I lost touch with after highschool but I'm pretty sure was at least bi (the fact he spent most of our teen years regularly going to movies and having sleepovers with the guy who did come out was kind of a hint), another friend who began transitioning between senior year and college, and an elementary school friend who's family moved away that routinely made up girl versions of characters to pretend to be whenever we'd play make-believe. I mean, I understood that socially it was considered a big deal, but I never saw anything wrong with it and thought people who felt otherwise were being stupid.
But now that I'm older and making more of a conscious effort to educate myself on social issues and be considerate, I find myself wondering if taking that acceptance for granted may have resulted in something of a blind spot with regard to things like how I act or address people. I suppose it's just another opportunity for learning.
As for me personally? My name's Henry, I'm a man, but beyond that? Well I honestly don't have a clue how to describe myself. I've never really come across labels that fit, and most of the time I'm content to be 'seen' as a typical straight/cis guy. I'm mostly attracted to women. I don't find men physically attractive the way I do women, but I do find cocks hot and can enjoy some kinds of gay porn. Bi-curious implies uncertainty, but at this point in my life I feel like I have a pretty good handle what I like and don't. For that matter Bi itself seems like an over-statement. Similarly, all my life I've been kind of interested in the concept of things like sex-changes, crossdressing, and such, but almost exclusively as a temporary experience or more specifically as a sexual fantasy. I've never felt any kind of anxiety or discomfort over being a man, or having to wear men's clothes, or being hairy, etc the way Wyvern describes on the first page. I don't want to transition or live as a woman, but if I could get a magic wish the ability to shapeshift like Mystique from X-Men would be at the top of my list. And if presented the option in a game I will usually make/play as a girl character (although to be fair, most of my WoW and City of Heroes characters were male, especially whenever I was planning to actually roleplay as them, and I was more comfortable with people knowing I was a guy when playing my girl characters). Does that make me trans? Cis doesn't seem right.
The kinds of dysphoria I experienced are common but not universal. My advice would be to read up on nonbinary and especially genderfluid people and see if any of their experiences resonate with you at all.
Also, potential thought experiment: if you actually had the chance to live out those sorts of shapeshifting fantasies, how much would you would be willing to sacrifice for it? How do you think you would feel if you almost had that chance but missed out somehow, or if you had that power but then lost it? These were the sort of questions that really cemented my understanding of my own identity.
I hope that makes sense in any way
Also as like a PSA but if you are a man who has sex with men, or you have sex with somebody who is, or for whatever reason you think exposure to HIV is a thing you have to worry about, consider talking to your doctor about truvada/prep
Its a daily medication that dramatically reduces (by like 92-99%) the chances of HIV infection if taken properly
It doesn't protect against any other STI but it does protect against the big scary one and there are prescription assistance programs (in the US at least) to help make it affordable if you have no insurance or your insurances doesn't cover it
Safe sex is still always the smartest decision and all that but I've found that it is a huge load off my mind cause now if a hookup gets a little more wild than I expected (or worse it went sideways somehow) I at least don't have to worry about getting HIV
Its an incredible tool in prevention and hopefully its use becomes more widespread and even more hopefully it helps reduces the stigma faced by those who are HIV positive
One caveat is you can’t miss a dose, ever? Or it loses efficacy until you have more in you. But, like. If having to take a pill every day means I’m not dying in a very special episode of the1980s sitcom that is my life, I’ll gladly do it. Not like I don’t have a pile of other pills I’ve got to take for the rest of my life, nawmean
Interesting point. Still, that's just the latest in a long list of examples of reading about the experiences and feelings of people who've transitioned/want to transition and feeling a strong sense of disconnect. I can empathize with them, but I've never really felt that way myself. As to your advice, I'll have to look into it. I'm familiar with both terms but I've never really read any kind of detailed writing about it.
For the thought experiment, the answers would be:
An analogy that I hope doesn't offend anyone; I grew up watching GI Joe, reading stories about Horatio Hornblower, watching the History Channel's many, many WW2 shows, playing wargames and flight sims and first person shooters. I like to fantasize about what it would be like to be a military bad-ass and have an almost endless interest in military trivia and fiction. But I've never wanted to enlist, or experience actual life in the service. The fantasy of being able to be a beautiful woman appeals to me, the reality of what life as a woman is like does not (at least, not the kind of woman I would want to be).
I've been training myself to use "folks" instead (I pretend its spelled "folx" so it's more hip)
Although I remember an incident similar to Wyvern's where I shaved part of my body hair as a teenager and my family got so irritated over it that I didn't try again
Fortunately you've initiated procedures to have them off, yeah, even if it'll be in a while. You're totally making progress!
In the mean time, I'm v envious you've managed to actually change your name! I really need to do that but it seems challenging and I should wait until all the paperwork involved in my new job and whatnot goes through, I think
I'm kind of impressed with myself that I actually changed it at the college. I think if my new licence hadn't arrived exactly when it did I wouldn't have done it.
Also, the other day I was remembering the first time I ever decided I wanted to transition. It was somewhere near the end of 2013 (I just suppressed it to the point of entirely forgetting about it for 4 years, woo) And I remember thinking "Ok, this is a thing I want to do but there's no way I can tell my parents so I guess I'll just wait until they're dead."
Like I was so afraid of telling them that I thought it would be impossible. But then I did tell them. Remembering that has taken some of the fear off the things I still have to do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nG0otOp4zaE
except tits
I'm in a really similar boat and it's really hard sometimes. I haven't officially changed my name yet or come out at work, but a lot of my friends know and use my new name. It's actually starting to become a problem at work where I occasionally try to use the wrong name to sign into things...
As a foul-mouthed uncle with two ornery little blonde nephews, that video was hilarious and adorable.
I'm in a weird boat because I just hit my six months and I'd like to get on progesterone and maybe up my estradiol, but ALSO I just switched doctors like a month ago and had to get new labwork and it was expensive and apparently NOT covered by my insurance so I really don't want to schedule another appointment for a while
I have had some health issues for years. Fibromyalgia has been the diagnosis for a decade or so, but that has recently come into question. Mostly the issue for the neurologist was my random paralysis that has defied a diagnosis. This is from multiple ER trips, primary care, and allergists. It became more apparently a thing after physical therapy cleared up a great deal of my other symptoms leaving me somewhat at a loss. It did give me a ridiculous level of blood work to throw at the neurologist which was good.
So talking to him he seemed to have half a thought. Apparently there is a condition called Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis. Short version is my potassium levels crash and my muscles lose all strength as a result. It is still early to call it confirmed, but blood drawn during an attack did show I was low on potassium which has not otherwise been an issue for me. He told me to google it, see if it fit, and we would talk more when we met back up for some tests. It certainly fits, but the part that got me was the medicine. Apparently, you want a potassium-sparing diuretic. For the observant ladies in the crowd you are correct. This includes Spironolactone. Incidentally it seems like it might help with my high blood pressure as well.
I about died laughing when I read this. Guess when I decide to get around to HRT at least part of it will definitely be covered by insurance.
Also, if they raise a stink then that may be a sign to switch doctors if possible.
It's about a bard who finds out that the world is going to end, and he decides to try to save it by singing. No, seriously, the main mechanic of the game is singing. You sing to defend yourself against enemies, to solve puzzles, and eventually to save the whole dang world.
The game is super colorful and fun and silly, and is just loaded with heart, and I can't praise it enough.
It's surprisingly good in regards to queer representation, too, which is why I'm bringing it up here: The starting town has a lesbian couple; you meet a pair of troll boyfriends living in a cave; you meet a group of transfemme mermaids on a tropical island, and other cool folks! And it's all played totally straight (so to speak) without poking fun at queerness. Queer people are just casually found all over, which is real nice. This is in addition to featuring lots of fun female characters, including a witch girl who is the friend and teammate of the protagonist. It's a much more mixed cast than what I come to expect in games, and it's really refreshing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjiAmsjolQ4
Yeah maybe I should call in and ask about it
I’m really bad about noticing when new threads are made
Still trans as hell, here’s the most recent pic
Fun fact, that day ended up being a hellish nightmare! My car ended up stalling out on the several-mile bridge that crosses the ocean between Tampa and St. Petersburg in the middle of heavy traffic! I had to wait three hours for a tow sweating bullets in the harsh Florida sun! But I looked cute during this portion of the day
I also started seeing a therapist today at a somewhat-local LGBT center! That went well, I really shouldn’t have gone so long without
Oh! My gym stuff is going really well! The gym is nice and nobody gives a fuck, so I'm not too awkward about things. My trainer is really cool too, we did a bit of boxing stuff today which was v fun.
I'm a lot more comfortable than the last time I tried going to the gym, back in January. That was a disaster.