I'm losing my hair in a funny way and not sure what to do with it.

GoodKingJayIII · September 2018

I'm 35. My hair has been thinning since I was 25 or so, but it has not been all that noticeable until about three years ago. I had awesome hair. No really, I'm not trying to brag or anything. It was a really really good head of hair and I was always really happy with it. It was part of my identity and how I saw myself.

I've been whining about shaving it for a couple years now, because of my indecision and resistance to the idea that it was going. Deep down I still wanted to be that kid with a good head of hair. To top it off, I've been battling severe depression for close to three years now for other reasons, but for a few months I've been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

So I decided it was time to cut the cord, so I shaved my head. I'm not going to pretend my hair is sticking around, and I don't want to do surgery or anything for a variety of reasons. So I just went ahead and did it. No guard on the trimmer, but I didn't go full Mr. Clean. So basically a very close buzz. My wife was pretty unhappy. I get it. We've been together for 14 years and she fell in love with that kid with the long hair. But he's not coming back.

But I felt pretty confident after I did it. Gave me some control over the situation. Even got some compliments, which is nice, but I mostly did it for myself. All this is some leadup to the problem: I've always been losing my hair in a weird way.

So first, my hairline is basically the same. There's been some recession but it is basically where it was 10 years ago. So that's a bit odd, but nothing crazy. There is basically just a very large spot where almost no hair grows anymore. Also not too weird. Here are the two difficult parts. First, the left side of my head is thinning more than the right. You can see even with a really close shave that the hair on the right side of the top of my head has noticeably more follicles and it just makes it look like I fucked up shaving or forgot to bick the rest of it or something. Second, I got a lumpy head. I think when I was a baby the plates in my skull didn't close all the way. There's a slight dip in the top center of my head, and a bony lump on the left side. So a full shave doesn't seem reasonable.

My wife was so miserable the day I did it that I've let some of it grow back, but because of the follicle pattern I mentioned above, it looks uneven. And my hair's really dark and thick on the sides, so it's noticeable. So I'm just trying to figure out what my best options are.

tl;dr: losing hair, decided to shave it, but I got a funny head and a weird hairloss pattern (thicker on one side). Any other options besides full Mr. Clean?

Morblitz · September 2018

Is it possible or reasonable to consult a barber or hair stylist on cutting it in a way that compensates for the difference.

If you simply buzz cut the whole thing the same length I think it's likely going to look weird, but if you let it grow out a little bit, and then get a stylist to cut it for you, they might cut different parts differently to help shape it. Have them tell you what they did so you can replicate.

I'm not losing my hair, but it is naturally quite thin and straight, and grows out differently on each side of my head, one side is thicker and the other side wants to shoot straight out, so barbers tend to cut it differently. I've had a lot of bad haircuts when barbers just do the whole thing uniform. Very frustrating. I've found a couple that understand my hair better and have actually walked me through the way they cut it and why other times have resulted in a bad cut that initially looks good but grows out badly.

No idea if this is helpful, but I hope it is. Whatever you do, though, own it!

Iruka · September 2018

If you do have to go full Mr. Clean, just wanted to say that you will get used to it. I had a long period of hair loss due to a scalp condition, which I'm just starting to get away from. I wore it buzzed for the majority of my 20s, but I do remember the initial wave of confidence and exhilaration which existed simultaneously with anxiety over the visual change. People also respond pretty weirdly to women with buzzed hair, and it took a sec to get used to that. After a few months my friends and family settled into the pattern of me cutting it off after it got past 2 inches.

While... I understand your wife's position, its hard enough to manage this transition internally without having someone else's emotions piled on it. Having a bit of mourning is fine, but you should communicate with her if it persists for a long time. It feels vain, but it is a vulnerable time, and I encourage you to find support where you can.

If you aren't generally a fashion oriented person, it might be a good time to think about cleaning up the rest of your look. It can go a long way towards keeping you feeling confident and smoothing over how other people take the transition, feels positive overall. You'll likely want some hats anyway, for cold/intense sun.

MsAnthropy · September 2018

I am by no means an expert, but if you are losing your hair in a weird pattern, there could be a chance that you are suffering from something like alopecia areata, rather than androgenic alopecia (ie male/female pattern baldness). In either case, I echo everyone else’s suggestion to work with a stylist.

mts · October 2018

It's actually dht that is the problem

azith28 · October 2018

I'm 44. Of me and my two brothers I seemed to be the odd one out of us that got hair genes more from my mothers side of the family. My hair was thick and wavy, my older brothers thin and curly, my younger brother, kindda a mix between. In his mid to late twenties my older brother was going noticably bald on top. in his thirties my younger brothers hair started to go grey. and I'm currently sitting with 99% of my original brown color, with just a little bit of a widows peak that appeared and started moving upward during a very stressful time of my life about 8-9 years ago, then stopped. My hair is a bit less thick, but besides the arch in my hairline right at the part, I'm still holding on to everything without any meds.

So its possible your hair loss has stopped or will stop short of any kind of further large scale baldness. Find a new way to part your hair so its not as easily noticed, and hope it sticks around. Enjoy it while you have it. Don't rush to Mr. Clean.

SwashbucklerXX · October 2018

Based on my experience with my husband, there's a certain point past which Mr. Clean makes you look younger than you do just trying to manage the baldness. With your unusual pattern, you might not be there yet. I'd definitely echo the suggestions to talk with a barber - ideally one on the younger-than-50 side who understands modern trends and approaches to balding.

As for your wife, assuming that your relationship is otherwise solid, I doubt she's being purposeful about making you feel worse about it. If you haven't told her how your hair loss makes you feel, definitely see if you can do that. And maybe get her on side with helping you find a solution that works for you?

Penny Arcade

Quick Links

I'm losing my hair in a funny way and not sure what to do with it.

Posts