I admit that I was drawing from my local experience, which I should not have done when giving general advice. But I definitely paid 70 bucks in court fees for the privilege of a cop admitting that he pulled me over on the wrong side of a speed zone and erroneously gave me an $80 ticket.
That sounds like a mistake. Criminal court costs only get invoked if the party is guilty, and civil court costs are often invoked on the losing party.
In North Carolina this was definitely the case. Court fees are something on the order of $180 if you're called as a defendant for moving violations, which you are for 100% of moving violations because North Carolina's moving violation laws are just an extortion racket.
Are you sure? Cause I am pretty sure that’s unconstitutional.
EDIT: I'm not saying you're wrong cause state's love to try unconsitutional shit from time to time.
I got two speeding tickets while I was there and talked to some other folks about this and that's definitely how the state does it as standard procedure. I wouldn't be surprised if it was some dodgy shit!
I didn't have to pay court costs when I contested my ticket for parking in a HDCP spot in Maryland (hey, asshole, maybe don't give me a ticket for parking near an unstriped hdcp parking space!)
So, and I'm not sure how to word this without it coming across as a humblebrag, I've apparently become the eye candy at the bar I frequent? I guess that's the word? It's not really a high bar considering the place and usual clientele.
Anyway, I'm acquainted with one of the girls who works there and she makes it a point to tell me about how some of the other ladies who also work there talk about me all the time. At one point we went to the same gym and apparently she sent several candid snapchats of me working out to some of them and uh... I feel kinda weird about it? I'd be legit pissed if I didn't know this person fairly well.
Like on the one hand I'm flattered but also I don't really want to be noticed when I go in there. It's why I go in there. So I can be the sulky quiet guy in the corner who reads and nobody talks to because who wants to talk to the weird dude who reads at a bar?
One of the newer servers was asking about me and I've become very aware of the looks as of late. I'm just kinda off my balance a little I guess. Is this what it's like to be a lady all the time? Fuckin weird comments and stares? I don't like it!
You're right to be kind of weirded out. It's creepy behavior and you are being objectified. Without being a woman I can't say if that's what its like all the time, but if you switch the genders in your story it immediately comes across as really fucking creepy and the feelings you're feeling are probably very close.
not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
There are still traffic cameras at some intersections in the greater Los Angeles area, but the courts ruled that they aren't enforceable and the tickets won't be pursued or reported to the DMV (or credit bureaus/collection agencies for non-payment).
They still send them out to scare people into paying the tickets.
It's not okay to take pictures of people without their knowledge/permission. Full stop. That is a violation of privacy and personal boundaries and you are within your right to be uncomfortable.
I think its meant to be complimentary and I'd imagine pretty much everybody else would be like "hell yeah" because these are very, very attractive women but I dunno. I gots me a weird brain what don't take compliments well, no not too well at all.
I mean, people are always going to talk to their friends about other people they find attractive, that's just a normal thing humans do so whatever, I think it's just kind of odd to be made aware of it? I'm also probably making too big of a deal about this. I'm certainly not going to pursue any of this and none of them are either.
I'm sure all the creeper dudes who take pictures of ladies think they're being complimentary too.
That's ultimately besides the point in that it makes you feel uncomfortable.
not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
+22
StraightziHere we may reign secure, and in my choice,To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered Userregular
In addition to begetting all sorts of terrible ways for men to treat women, the patriarchy does its fair share of damage back in the other direction as well.
It's like bowen said - if you switch the genders in these instances, it would seem obviously fucked up to most people. But there is a belief that only women can be harassed in such a way, that only men can do the harassing, which can embolden this sort of behavior. Even under frighteningly similar logic ("It's a compliment!"), people can be unaware of what they are doing or why it is wrong.
And like, the moral of the story is that it sucks. I've been there, and while I normally relish being objectified because I am extremely vain, that doesn't mean that I want it happening all the time. And there's not a whole lot you can do about it - you can try to explain why it is an issue to the individual people, but I think we all know that the odds of success there aren't as high as they ought to be. And you shouldn't be forced into the position where you have to explain to someone what they're doing is wrong, because that's just more bullshit that you have to put up with.
My general choice if I do decide to confront the issue is to define it in very personal terms, which I've found works pretty well. As in, "Hey, I don't like it when other people take pictures of me without my knowledge or consent, could you please refrain from doing that with me in the future?" The downside there is that by making it personal you don't end up getting to the heart of the matter, so they may continue their behavior with other people, but I've found that trying to get to the heart of the matter is a lot more work for a lot less success.
Fines are one of those things that I wish were were explicitly tied to income.
I am pretty sure at least one country does that for some traffic violations.
The UK does that. Fines are a percentage of your weekly income. Lowest bracket, 1-9mph over the limit, is anywhere from 25% to 75% of your weekly income. Highest bracket is something like 200% I think? Plus insta-ban.
South Africa on the other hand, it's whatever the cop feels like charging you (usually discounted if you pay on the spot!). Or you can just... not pay, because they don't seem to have a way to force you. And I don't know what you have to do to lose your license there but it's got to be something pretty messed up.
It’s income based in I think Norway, Finland and Switzerland at least.
Swedish genius driving through Switzerland landed a cool 1 mil USD ticket a few years back.
I thought in Finland it was progressive (it may also start based on income); several years ago I heard that hockey star Teemu Selanne, who was a known lead-foot, had worked his way up to a ticket in the hundreds of thousands of US dollars. He, understandably, complained about it, but I could only think, "Fool, when your speeding ticket gets to $10,000 STOP FUCKING SPEEDING!"
Lol just saw girl on diff dating app just now who I went on what I’d thought was a promising / good date in the summer who didn’t text me back (and I blame myself for bungling it)
Ok
I finally got someone to talk to me not a bot or someone to string me along for whatever reason
She just asks me to be more open and such there is a lot more I would say but it's personal stuff and brain spider stuff as she talked about a problem she has and how she sees the similarity of some of the ones I talk about revieling we both have the same brain spiders just different flavors
Hello I just arrived back from my work holiday party it is 1:30 am
Deffo drunk but hopefully tomorrow is not too bad
Anyway, there is a woman there
(okay I’m trying to say woman rather than girl these daysbut it’s weirdly formal too, because there’s no good “guy” equivalent that is in regular usage)
I met her approx 4 years ago at a friends party, who she met via a coincidental shared cab ride
Hit it off, got drinks one day after the party
Then another day went to a movie together
Then she said it wasn’t a good time for her to see me again, so okay (and at this time I was in my very very inexperienced in dating stage as a v late bloomer so I was prob even worse)
Then flash forward a few years (and had occasionally kept in touch and seen her here and there) and she is working at the same company as me - and not in any capacity that we work together
Reconnect, have lunch a few times here and there
I invited her to a concert a few weeks ago and she came with me and we got pierogies and beer and got high and saw some punk rock and it was fun
Met her at another concert last week but she was with a friend and didn’t get much chance to chat before and after, still was fun and we met up
At the holiday party briefly hung out and danced in her group of folks, she had her weed pen and was passing it around and offered me, not unexpected
In coat check line I saw her and asked if she and other coworker wanted to split a cab, since she was near me
So we did, and cab driver messed up and dropped other coworker off first and then me and her
Chatted a bit but lightly
Anyway
I am in this state of like hey, I think you’re cool
At some given point we had a connection and you are single
And there is at least some friendly connection here
But, like -
At this point I’ve never dated or even successfully expressed interest in someone I know IRL aka not via a dating app (and have only really dated one person) so I’m very unsure about things
I generally want to hang out with her and think she’d be a swell person to date (same company yes, but also far enough removed that we never see each other unless we plan to really, and I know enough work people who have)
But: I don’t really know how to ask it without feeling... creepy or coming on too strong, or like fear of misreading signals
So I dunno what to do about that all
Occasionally willing and interested in hanging out with me - but like is that just politeness and friendliness
Like if she doesn’t reach out to me etc
The playing it safe part of me is like yeah nothing will come from it leave it
But that’s the part I always listen to
The part of me that’s like, hey I’m worthwhile and we get along, you should give it a shot is there, but not very strong
Like I’m often scared to text or text too often etc
Doesn’t know how to go about anything
Lol ah me
Thank you for indulging my somewhat intoxicated rambling, it helped me just to write it uhhh I should probably just journal
Reading it is not necessary but if you feel like a comment or advice re: dating and expressing interest etc, pls go ahead
Ok
I finally got someone to talk to me not a bot or someone to string me along for whatever reason
She just asks me to be more open and such there is a lot more I would say but it's personal stuff and brain spider stuff as she talked about a problem she has and how she sees the similarity of some of the ones I talk about revieling we both have the same brain spiders just different flavors
Posts
Saw this https://www.npr.org/2014/05/19/312158516/increasing-court-fees-punish-the-poor
I got two speeding tickets while I was there and talked to some other folks about this and that's definitely how the state does it as standard procedure. I wouldn't be surprised if it was some dodgy shit!
turns out I was innocent!
Anyway, I'm acquainted with one of the girls who works there and she makes it a point to tell me about how some of the other ladies who also work there talk about me all the time. At one point we went to the same gym and apparently she sent several candid snapchats of me working out to some of them and uh... I feel kinda weird about it? I'd be legit pissed if I didn't know this person fairly well.
Like on the one hand I'm flattered but also I don't really want to be noticed when I go in there. It's why I go in there. So I can be the sulky quiet guy in the corner who reads and nobody talks to because who wants to talk to the weird dude who reads at a bar?
One of the newer servers was asking about me and I've become very aware of the looks as of late. I'm just kinda off my balance a little I guess. Is this what it's like to be a lady all the time? Fuckin weird comments and stares? I don't like it!
They still send them out to scare people into paying the tickets.
I mean, people are always going to talk to their friends about other people they find attractive, that's just a normal thing humans do so whatever, I think it's just kind of odd to be made aware of it? I'm also probably making too big of a deal about this. I'm certainly not going to pursue any of this and none of them are either.
I've also had harassment type comments at bars since I've grown it
I don't appreciate it at all
That's ultimately besides the point in that it makes you feel uncomfortable.
It's like bowen said - if you switch the genders in these instances, it would seem obviously fucked up to most people. But there is a belief that only women can be harassed in such a way, that only men can do the harassing, which can embolden this sort of behavior. Even under frighteningly similar logic ("It's a compliment!"), people can be unaware of what they are doing or why it is wrong.
And like, the moral of the story is that it sucks. I've been there, and while I normally relish being objectified because I am extremely vain, that doesn't mean that I want it happening all the time. And there's not a whole lot you can do about it - you can try to explain why it is an issue to the individual people, but I think we all know that the odds of success there aren't as high as they ought to be. And you shouldn't be forced into the position where you have to explain to someone what they're doing is wrong, because that's just more bullshit that you have to put up with.
My general choice if I do decide to confront the issue is to define it in very personal terms, which I've found works pretty well. As in, "Hey, I don't like it when other people take pictures of me without my knowledge or consent, could you please refrain from doing that with me in the future?" The downside there is that by making it personal you don't end up getting to the heart of the matter, so they may continue their behavior with other people, but I've found that trying to get to the heart of the matter is a lot more work for a lot less success.
Or they'll just do it in secret without telling you.
I am pretty sure at least one country does that for some traffic violations.
The UK does that. Fines are a percentage of your weekly income. Lowest bracket, 1-9mph over the limit, is anywhere from 25% to 75% of your weekly income. Highest bracket is something like 200% I think? Plus insta-ban.
South Africa on the other hand, it's whatever the cop feels like charging you (usually discounted if you pay on the spot!). Or you can just... not pay, because they don't seem to have a way to force you. And I don't know what you have to do to lose your license there but it's got to be something pretty messed up.
Swedish genius driving through Switzerland landed a cool 1 mil USD ticket a few years back.
for whatever reason
i even wrote a bunch of stuff down after (which maybe i should do more often)
I thought in Finland it was progressive (it may also start based on income); several years ago I heard that hockey star Teemu Selanne, who was a known lead-foot, had worked his way up to a ticket in the hundreds of thousands of US dollars. He, understandably, complained about it, but I could only think, "Fool, when your speeding ticket gets to $10,000 STOP FUCKING SPEEDING!"
But the link is dead so I don't know what I posted
and then I got sad RIP
https://youtu.be/t6xN6MoKKjA
It's driving me crazy
Ahahahahaha oh my God, I never saw this, this is amazing
Bless you, @ChicoBlue
Speaking of which, does anyone know what that spaceman song is called, or how to find it? Google is giving me nothing when I search the lyrics.
Found it
https://youtu.be/MZDQeYjwccY
It is called My Moonrocket by Valerna.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZDQeYjwccY
Critiquing my weird child murder forum battle video from almost a decade ago.
Also, on the Vimeo page Austin Walker left a comment 8 years ago.
(Not that Austin Walker, though. That'd be weird as hell.)
I finally got someone to talk to me not a bot or someone to string me along for whatever reason
She just asks me to be more open and such there is a lot more I would say but it's personal stuff and brain spider stuff as she talked about a problem she has and how she sees the similarity of some of the ones I talk about revieling we both have the same brain spiders just different flavors
Deffo drunk but hopefully tomorrow is not too bad
Anyway, there is a woman there
I met her approx 4 years ago at a friends party, who she met via a coincidental shared cab ride
Hit it off, got drinks one day after the party
Then another day went to a movie together
Then she said it wasn’t a good time for her to see me again, so okay (and at this time I was in my very very inexperienced in dating stage as a v late bloomer so I was prob even worse)
Then flash forward a few years (and had occasionally kept in touch and seen her here and there) and she is working at the same company as me - and not in any capacity that we work together
Reconnect, have lunch a few times here and there
I invited her to a concert a few weeks ago and she came with me and we got pierogies and beer and got high and saw some punk rock and it was fun
Met her at another concert last week but she was with a friend and didn’t get much chance to chat before and after, still was fun and we met up
At the holiday party briefly hung out and danced in her group of folks, she had her weed pen and was passing it around and offered me, not unexpected
In coat check line I saw her and asked if she and other coworker wanted to split a cab, since she was near me
So we did, and cab driver messed up and dropped other coworker off first and then me and her
Chatted a bit but lightly
Anyway
I am in this state of like hey, I think you’re cool
At some given point we had a connection and you are single
And there is at least some friendly connection here
But, like -
At this point I’ve never dated or even successfully expressed interest in someone I know IRL aka not via a dating app (and have only really dated one person) so I’m very unsure about things
I generally want to hang out with her and think she’d be a swell person to date (same company yes, but also far enough removed that we never see each other unless we plan to really, and I know enough work people who have)
But: I don’t really know how to ask it without feeling... creepy or coming on too strong, or like fear of misreading signals
So I dunno what to do about that all
Occasionally willing and interested in hanging out with me - but like is that just politeness and friendliness
Like if she doesn’t reach out to me etc
The playing it safe part of me is like yeah nothing will come from it leave it
But that’s the part I always listen to
The part of me that’s like, hey I’m worthwhile and we get along, you should give it a shot is there, but not very strong
Like I’m often scared to text or text too often etc
Doesn’t know how to go about anything
Lol ah me
Thank you for indulging my somewhat intoxicated rambling, it helped me just to write it uhhh I should probably just journal
Reading it is not necessary but if you feel like a comment or advice re: dating and expressing interest etc, pls go ahead
Drinking hurts my frail body
A lot
And she deleted her account
Sigh