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Posts

  • EntaruEntaru Goddess with a blade Registered User regular
    Also try to remember that people like that. . . Their opinion on you? It doesn't matter.

    Them speaking bigotry does not make it true. Their insitance on misgendering you has nothing to do with your transition and more to do with something broken inside them.

    You are strong and I am so sorry you have to go through this. Do not let the phantoms of other people's heart haunt you. You are valid.

    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
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  • credeikicredeiki Registered User regular
    Guess who's got 2 thumbs and a prescription for testosterone

    I am super happy for you!

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    air-photos.tumblr.com
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  • TubeTube Administrator, ClubPA admin
    If it would be useful I can write up like "the cis friend's guide to getting pronouns right" with some things that helped me (and I'm sure other people can add to it) and you can say "hey, no problem that you're worried you'll find this difficult, here's some ways you can make it easier because we are 100% doing this, this is not optional, your idea has been rejected"

    Hobnail wrote: »
    This forum has taken everything from me
    This hurts but I deserve it

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  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    Gundi wrote: »
    Sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's. Because this is a Plastic Surgery Oh And Also We Do Trans Stuff clinic there is a looping video on a screen showing how various cosmetic procedures work. Including some really detailed imagery of botox needles going into lips and eyelids and aaargh this is harshing my buzz.

    Edit: great now we've moved on to a gun-mounted rapid fire needle that looks like someone having a sewing machine used on their face.
    apropros of this I once had to go through hundreds and hundreds of real photos of people's insides from heart surgeries to figure out which cases were old enough so that they should, by law, be disposed of.

    so that was a thing.

    How did you figure out how old they were? Did you count the rings?

    GDdCWMm.jpg
  • GundiGundi Serious Bismuth Registered User regular
    the pictures were dated, they just weren't in chronological order

  • MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    Gundi wrote: »
    the pictures were dated, they just weren't in chronological order

    Ah, organ-ic filing

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    PSN: AuthorFrost
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  • GundiGundi Serious Bismuth Registered User regular
    yes the medical field is to organization like cats... are to organization

    FencingsaxtzeentchlingLoisLane
  • Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    Tube wrote: »
    If it would be useful I can write up like "the cis friend's guide to getting pronouns right" with some things that helped me (and I'm sure other people can add to it) and you can say "hey, no problem that you're worried you'll find this difficult, here's some ways you can make it easier because we are 100% doing this, this is not optional, your idea has been rejected"

    I can't speak for Platy but personally I would find this useful, if you have the time.

  • TubeTube Administrator, ClubPA admin
    Ok, I’ll give it a shot tomorrow!

    Hobnail wrote: »
    This forum has taken everything from me
    This hurts but I deserve it

    ElldrenErin The RedForceVoidJaysonFourAndy Joenever dieBlackhawk1313wandering
  • PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    edited February 6
    Well, in my case the issue has mostly been people flat-out refusing to make the switch instead of them just making mistakes. But anything you can show people is useful.

    Platy on
  • HenroidHenroid Radio Demon Internet HellRegistered User regular
    edited February 6
    Just saw this this morning and it made me smile. It's responding to a Kotaku article that should appear embedded.



    Edit - Okay yeah it does. :D

    Henroid on
    Centrism is just the cowardly way to be a bigot w/o being explicit about it.
    American politics isn't 4D chess, it's just if you give a shit about other people or not.
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  • Curly_BraceCurly_Brace Robot Girl Mimiga VillageRegistered User regular
    Came out to a former coworker today. He was sioet cool and is gonna see if his place is hiring.

    Updated my LinkedIn profile with my chosen name and a new photo. Applied for a few jobs under my preferred name and pronouns.

    All of it was emotionally exhausting. Sure hope my former coworkers don't react with bigotry when they see the changes.

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  • PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    Tube wrote: »
    Platy wrote: »
    Someone wants to have a talk with me and explain their "position on it" re: my pronouns

    This feels like another gut punch right now and no thanks

    Their position is irrelevant. They don't get a position.

    I said she doesn't get to have a position and I was told I'm selfish and that I don't get to decide what other people believe. Also that her standing by her point of view is a sign of respect for me (I'll never understand why people say this).

    A friend offered to talk to her on my behalf, but I'm now taking flak for that because I put her in an "awkward situation" and I took "confrontation to her".

  • PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    Basically she and another friend are super-upset at me that I took up a cis friend on his offer to stand up for me, they think of it as "leveraging my friends against her". Well.

    wandering
  • The BetgirlThe Betgirl I'm Molly! Registered User regular
    Sound like some shitty folk who really don't want to be real friends with you.

    Steam PSN: The Betman
    You should listen to my Totally Spies rewatch podcast on Audio Entropy!
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  • TubeTube Administrator, ClubPA admin
    This person is being extremely unreasonable. They are absolutely the bad guy in this situation. I don't know anything else about this, but 100% I want to assure you that you are not the bad guy. You are in the right, you are not being selfish, you are the arbiter of your own identity.

    Hobnail wrote: »
    This forum has taken everything from me
    This hurts but I deserve it

    Kwoarunever dieDouglasDangerkimeBlackhawk1313JansonCurly_BraceMcFodderKanaBrodyEntaruVeldrinN1tSt4lkerShadowenMsAnthropyCelloFencingsaxpimentoHenroid3clipseMegaMekElldrenOne Thousand CablestzeentchlingNarbusLoisLanetynicLabelPoketpixieErin The RedAnialospookaRhesus PositivecredeikiKetarlonelyahavaSporkAndrewJaysonFourApocalyptusSorceGrogForceVoidAthenororangeusInfamyDeferredchrishallett83Andy JoeI ZimbraFoolOnTheHillVyolynceShortyMunkus BeaverwanderingaStoryAboutYouEmerlmaster999Bhow
  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) What's up, bootlickers?Registered User regular
    it really sucks to discover how conditional some our "friendships" are

    Miss me? Find me on:

    Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
    Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
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  • ButlerButler 89 episodes or bust Registered User regular
    Even allowing for complete ignorance of trans issues, I cannot understand why so many people decide that a co-worker's chosen pronouns are the hill they want to die on.

    Gvzbgul wrote: »
    A new born baby's skin is still porous, you can just leave them sitting in a bucket of blood and they'll soak up what they need.
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  • PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    Re: her being unreasonable, her discord channel uses a logo which strongly resembles a pair of SS runes and from what I can tell, she also didn't think it would make people feel unwelcome.

    I think I can avoid this person from now on but unfortunately things have already spilled over and she isn't the only one who's mad at me. I guess this is how a cis friend using their privilege might backfire.

  • The BetgirlThe Betgirl I'm Molly! Registered User regular
    Well, no, it's more that the transphobic people will find any way to twist words and actions into being a horrific strike rather than a reasonable reaction. They're being heinous, and your friend was only trying to help you. It's the other folks being disgusting, and it kinda sounds like they might be pretty cool with nazis.

    Steam PSN: The Betman
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  • EntaruEntaru Goddess with a blade Registered User regular
    Nope. They don't get an opinion.

    Ask if they feel you can have an opinion on their gender. I'd guess the answer would be no. . .

    So why do they feel they get one on yours?

    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
    XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
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  • MuddBuddMuddBudd Registered User regular
    Platy wrote: »
    Re: her being unreasonable, her discord channel uses a logo which strongly resembles a pair of SS runes and from what I can tell, she also didn't think it would make people feel unwelcome.

    I think I can avoid this person from now on but unfortunately things have already spilled over and she isn't the only one who's mad at me. I guess this is how a cis friend using their privilege might backfire.

    Any friends you lose from this are friends not worth having.

    Whereas the ones who stick with you and defend you? They are worth gold.

    steam_sig.png
    FencingsaxN1tSt4lkerMcFoddernever dieDouglasDangerCurly_BracekimeCello3clipseElldrenLoisLanetynicMsAnthropyPoketpixieAnialosNecoJaysonFourEddyApocalyptusForceVoidchrishallett83Doobh
  • never dienever die Registered User regular
    Well, no, it's more that the transphobic people will find any way to twist words and actions into being a horrific strike rather than a reasonable reaction. They're being heinous, and your friend was only trying to help you. It's the other folks being disgusting, and it kinda sounds like they might be pretty cool with nazis.

    Yeah like, if your friends are actually supportive of you, they'll switch pronouns. As someone who has trouble remembering people's names until I interact with them for awhile, I get that it can be hard to remember to switch pronouns. And trying and having fuck ups is one thing (as I did when my friend transitioned) but you learn from the mistakes and try new ways to teach yourself to switch in your head. You don't lecture your friend about the right time for you to have to change the name and/or pronouns you use. Your feelings on this are the valid ones, not theirs.

    3clipseErin The RedpookaDarkPrimus
  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    Butler wrote: »
    Even allowing for complete ignorance of trans issues, I cannot understand why so many people decide that a co-worker's chosen pronouns are the hill they want to die on.

    I expect the assholes in my family tree would say that they are trying to "save" the transperson from satan's grasp or whatever. But the reality probably comes down to deeply ingrained personal selfishness. "This is easier for me and I've never had to do what you ask before, so you should bow to what I'm comfortable with. " Religion or upbringing then just because a means for not only permitting the selfishness, but even deluding themselves into thinking it's some sort of virtue.

    never dieCurly_BraceShadowen
  • ToxTox I kill threads Punch DimensionRegistered User regular
    Hey

    hey psst hey

    I love y'all

    Wishlists! General | Gaming | Comics | Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
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  • Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    Y'ALL MY PARTNER COMES INTO TOWN FOR THR FIRST TIME IN 11 HOURS and I'm vibrating with anticipation.

    It doesn't feel real? But I think it's real? I'll let you know in 12 hours if this is really happening

    Aaaaaaaagh how am I supposed to go to sleep!?

    Help a trans woman (me) afford GRS!
    Hi Santa/Satan!
    Video games -> PSN and Twitch: The_Road_Virus Steam: TheRoadVirus
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  • OmnipotentBagelOmnipotentBagel floof Registered User regular
    EEEEEEEEE I'm excited for you!!!!

    cdci44qazyo3.gif

    Erin The Rednever diemysticjuicerShadowen
  • StericaSterica Wow! That was shit.Registered User, Moderator mod
    I told my mom to stop texting me about my gender stuff. Just weekly bullshit on how she’s praying for me, and just doesn’t understand, and what about her and just STOP.

    YL9WnCY.png
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  • Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    I also had trouble sleeping last night. Going to pick up my prescription today and I felt like a kid on Christmas eve.

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  • FencingsaxFencingsax It is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understanding GNU Terry PratchettRegistered User regular
    edited February 7
    never die wrote: »
    Well, no, it's more that the transphobic people will find any way to twist words and actions into being a horrific strike rather than a reasonable reaction. They're being heinous, and your friend was only trying to help you. It's the other folks being disgusting, and it kinda sounds like they might be pretty cool with nazis.

    Yeah like, if your friends are actually supportive of you, they'll switch pronouns. As someone who has trouble remembering people's names until I interact with them for awhile, I get that it can be hard to remember to switch pronouns. And trying and having fuck ups is one thing (as I did when my friend transitioned) but you learn from the mistakes and try new ways to teach yourself to switch in your head. You don't lecture your friend about the right time for you to have to change the name and/or pronouns you use. Your feelings on this are the valid ones, not theirs.

    My mother confused her childrens' names all the time, but she sure as fuck got to the point where she's exactly as good with my brother's name as mine and my sister's pretty quick. Actually, she's probably better at his by this point. If they love you and care about you, they will make the effort.

    Fencingsax on
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    never dieBrodyShadowenCambiata
  • OmnipotentBagelOmnipotentBagel floof Registered User regular
    Sterica wrote: »
    I told my mom to stop texting me about my gender stuff. Just weekly bullshit on how she’s praying for me, and just doesn’t understand, and what about her and just STOP.

    I gave my family a courtesy text before my name change hearing. Neither of my parents responded at all but my sister came back a day later with a really long message that spent a lot of time talking about how she can't support my decisions but that she still wants to know what's going on in my life and I cannot figure out what she thinks she was doing with that message but it extremely sucked

    cdci44qazyo3.gif

    mysticjuicerwandering
  • PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    MuddBudd wrote: »
    Platy wrote: »
    Re: her being unreasonable, her discord channel uses a logo which strongly resembles a pair of SS runes and from what I can tell, she also didn't think it would make people feel unwelcome.

    I think I can avoid this person from now on but unfortunately things have already spilled over and she isn't the only one who's mad at me. I guess this is how a cis friend using their privilege might backfire.

    Any friends you lose from this are friends not worth having.

    Whereas the ones who stick with you and defend you? They are worth gold.

    Actually this is still all about my "PUBG group", the people I play games with. They're important to me because playing games helps me relieve stress (when no one insists on misgendering me), but they're an ephemeral bunch. I unfortunately lack any form of local friendships, otherwise I would've asked someone to come with me on Monday to help me cope (I really didn't know how I would take it).

  • NecoNeco Vapid and Shallow Registered User regular
    Transphobes seem to really think their shitty opinions are fresh and insightful and in need of being heard (by trans people). Shit’s exhausting.

    EntarupimentoBrodymysticjuicerTankHammerElldrenFencingsaxShadowenRhesus PositiveCambiataMsAnthropywanderingApocalyptusPoketpixieYoutube
  • jaziekjaziek Registered User regular
    edited February 7
    IMG_20190206_182328.jpg

    The phrase "pro trans bias" should tell you absolutely everything you need to know about the state of the English press.

    I continue to naively assume day after day that they can sink no lower, and they continue to prove me wrong.

    jaziek on
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  • OmnipotentBagelOmnipotentBagel floof Registered User regular
    When they can't attack our rights directly, they'll try to frame the meager rights we've managed to obtain as an overreach instead. See also the language with that Title IX ruling about "extending rights to people who should not have them". Indirect dehumanization as counter-intelligence against our increasingly persistent voices.

    cdci44qazyo3.gif

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  • never dienever die Registered User regular
    In hopefully brighter news, I just found out that (especially compared to most US children’s orgs) Girl Scouts is trans friendly. Essentially taking the national view that if the child identifies as a girl that they are welcome to the group.

    I only found this out today when one of my friends sent a link to me for a local trans girl who is selling Girl Scout cookies.

    I didn’t need to diet anyway.

    3clipseBrodykimeAthenortzeentchlingErin The RedDoobhmysticjuicerTankHammerElldrenShadowenDarkPrimusCambiatapookaMsAnthropypimentowanderingApocalyptusSorceAnialosJaysonFourKayne Red Robe
  • CelloCello Registered User regular
    edited February 7
    Platy wrote: »
    MuddBudd wrote: »
    Platy wrote: »
    Re: her being unreasonable, her discord channel uses a logo which strongly resembles a pair of SS runes and from what I can tell, she also didn't think it would make people feel unwelcome.

    I think I can avoid this person from now on but unfortunately things have already spilled over and she isn't the only one who's mad at me. I guess this is how a cis friend using their privilege might backfire.

    Any friends you lose from this are friends not worth having.

    Whereas the ones who stick with you and defend you? They are worth gold.

    Actually this is still all about my "PUBG group", the people I play games with. They're important to me because playing games helps me relieve stress (when no one insists on misgendering me), but they're an ephemeral bunch. I unfortunately lack any form of local friendships, otherwise I would've asked someone to come with me on Monday to help me cope (I really didn't know how I would take it).

    I mean, the good news about gaming groups is there's plenty of other folks who like to play them who are going to be much better about respecting your identity

    You can probably find a PUBG group on this very forum, even, if you want that stress relief without having to worry about that!

    Edit: not to say your existing friendships aren't important, of course, if you want to maintain them! But having moved from gaming with people I know in-person to forum friends, I've found it to be a way more chill atmosphere.

    Cello on
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  • Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular


    It's real! They're here! I got to smooch them!

    Help a trans woman (me) afford GRS!
    Hi Santa/Satan!
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  • mori1972mori1972 FF14: Rhotfyr Thosinmharsyn (Y)UKRegistered User regular
    edited May 29
    Nothing to see here

    mori1972 on
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  • EntaruEntaru Goddess with a blade Registered User regular
    I just had a meeting with the local HR rep. She said Corporate now is going to have a ton of meetings and there's nothing we can do to speed up the corporate machine. . . Blah blah

    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
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This discussion has been closed.