QUILTBAG: Hi gay, I’m Dad!

Jedoc · February 9

Erin The Red wrote: »

credeiki wrote: »

Poketpixie wrote: »

credeiki wrote: »

Brovid Hasselsmof wrote: »

I've had my first dose of T.

Where's my beard.

i kno right

I gotta say it's been like 6 months and I am not seeing a beard for me so who knows what the expected timeline is there

I did have to, horrifyingly, watch myself on video presenting (I'm being held captive at a 6 day consultant training camp/hazing ritual/corporate indoctrination/I don't even know) and my main conclusion, other than the fact that I am sort of shit at presentations (well I don't know; I'm always fine once I'm in front of a client, but practicing I am always just awful), I can tell that my voice has definitely changed. Not sure I could say it sounds like a man's voice, exactly, but it's really different from my previous voice. So that's kinda interesting.

On the beard thing, my facial hair took a couple years(more? it was a long time ago so my memory is hazy) to fully grow in when I first went through puberty. It started with light peach fuzz that gradually became thicker and darker over time. So yeah anyways don't expect results over night but one day you'll wake up and be like, "grumble grumble gotta shaaaaave grumble harumph".

I have to shave every few days but the facial hair that's growing is localized and scattered. Hassle but no rewards at all ;_;

voice situation is what I should probably focus on the most at this point in my life, just trying to talk a bit differently and figuring out what intonations I use can be modulated without losing my sense of who I am and how I talk.

I think regular shaving will encourage it to grow more? Or is that bullshit I was fed at some point?

Anyway yeah the patchy period isn't much fun, I'm sorry duder. Hopefully in time you will have the level of face fur that you seek!

I'm afraid shaving doesn't make it grow faster or thicker. This is a common misconception, probably due to the fact that new stubble looks darker and feels heavier than slightly longer hair.

It's likely that the hair on your chin is going to be the first to consolidate. I'm not sure where goatees are on the fashion scale these days, but if you want to experiment with the thickness and color of the full beard you'll end up with, growing one of those will probably be your earliest opportunity.

It's kind of a fun mystery at this point. Will my beard match my hair color, even remotely? Will I have weirdly symmetrical bald patches at random points on my jawline? Let's spin the wheel!

Brovid Hasselsmof · February 9

Cred when did you start T again? I can't remember. And are you on weekly shots?

Entaru · February 9

I am feeling good today. Better than I have in weeks.

Here have a celebratory selfie:

https://twitter.com/linuxgrrrl/status/1094292619272822784

credeiki · February 9

Brovid Hasselsmof wrote: »

Cred when did you start T again? I can't remember. And are you on weekly shots?

Um tbh I am not completely sure when I started T but some time in the late summer; I give myself a shot once/two weeks with the goal of putting the testosterone level in the normal male range (does this goal make sense for someone transitioning? Completely unclear, but my endocrinologist is unwilling to discuss it, and frankly when I've experimented with giving myself even a slightly higher dose, I get acne, so...I'll stick with doctors' orders for now)

also ty all for the encouragement but I deliberately used the word scattered rather than patchy because the situation now is individually countable hairs, not collective noun hair, heh. I won't be able to see what this shit will look like for quite a while. My dad has worn a beard for my whole life (not sure when he started, but in his early 30s I think), so the genetics are there for successful facial hair (and no particular baldness); I just have to wait for my body chemistry to adjust and hope that the amount of T I am on is sufficient.

credeiki · February 9

Brenna have you considered playing more with eyeshadow? You have really pretty eyes that seem to be like 3 different colors at once and I believe there are all sorts of rules/guidelines about how to use different colors of eyeshadow to make your eye color pop.

BahamutZERO · February 9

Jedoc wrote: »

Erin The Red wrote: »

credeiki wrote: »

Poketpixie wrote: »

credeiki wrote: »

Brovid Hasselsmof wrote: »

I've had my first dose of T.

Where's my beard.

i kno right

I gotta say it's been like 6 months and I am not seeing a beard for me so who knows what the expected timeline is there

I did have to, horrifyingly, watch myself on video presenting (I'm being held captive at a 6 day consultant training camp/hazing ritual/corporate indoctrination/I don't even know) and my main conclusion, other than the fact that I am sort of shit at presentations (well I don't know; I'm always fine once I'm in front of a client, but practicing I am always just awful), I can tell that my voice has definitely changed. Not sure I could say it sounds like a man's voice, exactly, but it's really different from my previous voice. So that's kinda interesting.

On the beard thing, my facial hair took a couple years(more? it was a long time ago so my memory is hazy) to fully grow in when I first went through puberty. It started with light peach fuzz that gradually became thicker and darker over time. So yeah anyways don't expect results over night but one day you'll wake up and be like, "grumble grumble gotta shaaaaave grumble harumph".

I have to shave every few days but the facial hair that's growing is localized and scattered. Hassle but no rewards at all ;_;

voice situation is what I should probably focus on the most at this point in my life, just trying to talk a bit differently and figuring out what intonations I use can be modulated without losing my sense of who I am and how I talk.

I think regular shaving will encourage it to grow more? Or is that bullshit I was fed at some point?

Anyway yeah the patchy period isn't much fun, I'm sorry duder. Hopefully in time you will have the level of face fur that you seek!

I'm afraid shaving doesn't make it grow faster or thicker. This is a common misconception, probably due to the fact that new stubble looks darker and feels heavier than slightly longer hair.

It's likely that the hair on your chin is going to be the first to consolidate. I'm not sure where goatees are on the fashion scale these days, but if you want to experiment with the thickness and color of the full beard you'll end up with, growing one of those will probably be your earliest opportunity.

It's kind of a fun mystery at this point. Will my beard match my hair color, even remotely? Will I have weirdly symmetrical bald patches at random points on my jawline? Let's spin the wheel!

yeah it's an optical illusion, it's very easy to notice stubble growing in when you were clean shaven the previous day but it's almost impossible to notice beard growth day to day once it's already out there

Brovid Hasselsmof · February 9

From what I've heard beards are often the last thing to happen. The fact that you have any signs at all after just a few months is quite encouraging.

Entaru · February 9

credeiki wrote: »

Brenna have you considered playing more with eyeshadow? You have really pretty eyes that seem to be like 3 different colors at once and I believe there are all sorts of rules/guidelines about how to use different colors of eyeshadow to make your eye color pop.

Thank you!

I think that eye shadow (and other eye makeups) is going to be the next thing to spend some time on learning I think.

Casual Eddy · February 10

A lot of people can’t grow a full beard but I’m generally a big fan of the mustach/chin beard combo on gentlemen-identifying folks

Entaru · February 10

So my wife and her family are planning something. . .

She just told me to buy a party dress.

Brovid Hasselsmof · February 10

This is a guy who's videos I razed through a year ago when I first made up my mind to transition. Yesterday I was kind of bored and ended up rewatching some of his stuff and I just thought I'd post this one because I think it has a really nice message, especially for people who are early on in things.

I highly recommend checking out more of his stuff if you like his vibe, he has videos dating back well pre-transition and does a lot of interviews with other trans, and some cis, folks about gender and transition, and he's always really insightful and positive. Sadly he doesn't update any more. I guess his journey is basically finished.

Goatmon · February 11

Jedoc wrote: »

Erin The Red wrote: »

credeiki wrote: »

Poketpixie wrote: »

credeiki wrote: »

Brovid Hasselsmof wrote: »

I've had my first dose of T.

Where's my beard.

i kno right

I gotta say it's been like 6 months and I am not seeing a beard for me so who knows what the expected timeline is there

I did have to, horrifyingly, watch myself on video presenting (I'm being held captive at a 6 day consultant training camp/hazing ritual/corporate indoctrination/I don't even know) and my main conclusion, other than the fact that I am sort of shit at presentations (well I don't know; I'm always fine once I'm in front of a client, but practicing I am always just awful), I can tell that my voice has definitely changed. Not sure I could say it sounds like a man's voice, exactly, but it's really different from my previous voice. So that's kinda interesting.

On the beard thing, my facial hair took a couple years(more? it was a long time ago so my memory is hazy) to fully grow in when I first went through puberty. It started with light peach fuzz that gradually became thicker and darker over time. So yeah anyways don't expect results over night but one day you'll wake up and be like, "grumble grumble gotta shaaaaave grumble harumph".

I have to shave every few days but the facial hair that's growing is localized and scattered. Hassle but no rewards at all ;_;

voice situation is what I should probably focus on the most at this point in my life, just trying to talk a bit differently and figuring out what intonations I use can be modulated without losing my sense of who I am and how I talk.

I think regular shaving will encourage it to grow more? Or is that bullshit I was fed at some point?

Anyway yeah the patchy period isn't much fun, I'm sorry duder. Hopefully in time you will have the level of face fur that you seek!

I'm afraid shaving doesn't make it grow faster or thicker. This is a common misconception, probably due to the fact that new stubble looks darker and feels heavier than slightly longer hair.

It's likely that the hair on your chin is going to be the first to consolidate. I'm not sure where goatees are on the fashion scale these days, but if you want to experiment with the thickness and color of the full beard you'll end up with, growing one of those will probably be your earliest opportunity.

It's kind of a fun mystery at this point. Will my beard match my hair color, even remotely? Will I have weirdly symmetrical bald patches at random points on my jawline? Let's spin the wheel!

I think it's mostly because facial hair typically gets naturally thicker as puberty leads to adulthood, and humanity has always had a habit of mistaking correlation for causation.

Brovid Hasselsmof · February 11

Thought I should start doing some of those selfie videos to record progress now that I'm on hrt. But because I'm technologically impaired I hit the photo button instead of the video button and ended up with this

Tube · February 11

good photo imo

Erin The Red · February 11

Brovid Hasselsmof wrote: »

Thought I should start doing some of those selfie videos to record progress now that I'm on hrt. But because I'm technologically impaired I hit the photo button instead of the video button and ended up with this

Chefkiss.gif

credeiki · February 11

Tube wrote: »

good photo imo

I mean that photo cracks me up but seriously, part of reinventing oneself as male is transcending the need to look ‘pretty’ and ‘friendly’ in every photo. Walking through the world as female means being judged on appearances first, always. Walking through the world as male your first impression and appearances of course do matter, but people will subconsciously aim to look more to your competencies and achievements and attitude. I stopped smiling in selfies—well or if I do, it’s generally a cat-who-got-the-canary sort of smile—because it’s no longer my obligation to be pleasant and fuckable, and that’s fantastic.

mori1972 · February 11

Speaking of pics...I've been quiet in here of late.

This is a pic of one of the reasons why - me with my new boyfriend (he's in the cap, I'm in the green hoody):

It's been a crazy few months with all sorts of stuff, but I've never been happier than when I have this adorable human being in my arms

Entaru · February 11

credeiki wrote: »

Tube wrote: »

good photo imo

I mean that photo cracks me up but seriously, part of reinventing oneself as male is transcending the need to look ‘pretty’ and ‘friendly’ in every photo. Walking through the world as female means being judged on appearances first, always. Walking through the world as male your first impression and appearances of course do matter, but people will subconsciously aim to look more to your competencies and achievements and attitude. I stopped smiling in selfies—well or if I do, it’s generally a cat-who-got-the-canary sort of smile—because it’s no longer my obligation to be pleasant and fuckable, and that’s fantastic.

Yeah, totally agree. . .

Wait a minute, Hey!

mori1972 · February 11

Also, I kind of wanted my post to maybe be a hopefully optimistic thing for some folks.

I'm fast approaching 50, HIV+, spent most of my life dealing with screwed up, messy relationships and just as messy mental health stuff, and pretty much convinced that, after my last 10 year relationship finally totally crashed and burned that that was it for me.

And yet here I am having found someone who makes me unbelievably happy, and who gives me hope that there actually are still good things in this life, and that I'm never too old to get to experience them for myself.

So yeah, that's my message I guess. No matter what you are facing, no matter what level of 'shoulda, coulda, oughta' you experience when you look back at your life...it is never too late to take those first steps towards being the 'you' that you want yourself to be, however that may manifest.

Here's to all of us on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum!

credeiki · February 12

Entaru wrote: »

credeiki wrote: »

Tube wrote: »

good photo imo

I mean that photo cracks me up but seriously, part of reinventing oneself as male is transcending the need to look ‘pretty’ and ‘friendly’ in every photo. Walking through the world as female means being judged on appearances first, always. Walking through the world as male your first impression and appearances of course do matter, but people will subconsciously aim to look more to your competencies and achievements and attitude. I stopped smiling in selfies—well or if I do, it’s generally a cat-who-got-the-canary sort of smile—because it’s no longer my obligation to be pleasant and fuckable, and that’s fantastic.

Yeah, totally agree. . .

Wait a minute, Hey!

Obviously you are free to be like ‘fuck the patriarchy’ and refuse to give into any of this bullshit as you start to walk through life outwardly as a woman instead of just inwardly. But it is definitely an active choice you will have to make and fight for in defiance of expectations. Our culture suckssssssssssss

UnbreakableVow · February 12

Things are going very well

In the last month and a half I’ve gone to visit my girlfriend three times! It’s a hell of a drive, about eleven hours one way, but so absolutely worth it every time. Last time she introduced me to her parents, which is obviously major. This time we spent a little more time with her parents (pedicures with her mom!) and the next day I was introduced to the grandparents, which, I mean, extended family? I’m so in.

I mean, I already knew I was in because she’s actually moving in with me in less than three weeks! Things are moving very quickly, and while it’s certainly a little scary (neither of us has lived with a partner before), it just feels so right. It’s been just...overwhelmingly amazing. I didn’t know I could ever feel like this, or that I would ever find someone like her. Some of this feeling I’m sure comes from just actually being able to be myself around a partner, but most of it is her, I think; I just feel so comfortable and happy to be next to her, and listen to her nerd out about shit, and get into fun arguments with her and be there when she’s feeling a little low, and from our first night together, I’ve slept like a rock when I’m with her (I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping at night with others in the past)

I’m just very ecstatic and overjoyed and wanted to get it off my chest!

MsAnthropy · February 12

As of today, the last of my wife's family has been informed and I am out everywhere. Work has been going great, and I now seem to have workplace friends all of a sudden? Weird. So far, only one negative personal experience with my born again evangelical sibling refusing to respond to my letter at all. I actually had to hear from my mom and baby sister to know that they had even received it. Guess I'll save money on gifts to that quiverfull at least. :/

In other news, getting all of my financial stuff changed over has been a massive headache. I am on an average 2-3 calls / attempts per account to actually have my name changed. It was 10x easier getting a new SSA card and passport.

Neco · February 12

MsAnthropy wrote: »

As of today, the last of my wife's family has been informed and I am out everywhere. Work has been going great, and I now seem to have workplace friends all of a sudden? Weird. So far, only one negative personal experience with my born again evangelical sibling refusing to respond to my letter at all. I actually had to hear from my mom and baby sister to know that they had even received it. Guess I'll save money on gifts to that quiverfull at least. :/

In other news, getting all of my financial stuff changed over has been a massive headache. I am on an average 2-3 calls / attempts per account to actually have my name changed. It was 10x easier getting a new SSA card and passport.

I’m clicking awesome on this post for like, the first three or four sentences. I’m sorry about your sister. Since transitioning, I haven’t spoken to two of my brothers at all. On the plus side, my relationships and social life are all better than before, so it’s balanced itself out a bit. I’ve always preferred the company of chosen family anyway.

Congrats on getting through one of the hardest parts of all this! (Well, for me anyway, coming out was the hardest part by far)

MsAnthropy · February 12

Neco wrote: »

MsAnthropy wrote: »

As of today, the last of my wife's family has been informed and I am out everywhere. Work has been going great, and I now seem to have workplace friends all of a sudden? Weird. So far, only one negative personal experience with my born again evangelical sibling refusing to respond to my letter at all. I actually had to hear from my mom and baby sister to know that they had even received it. Guess I'll save money on gifts to that quiverfull at least. :/

In other news, getting all of my financial stuff changed over has been a massive headache. I am on an average 2-3 calls / attempts per account to actually have my name changed. It was 10x easier getting a new SSA card and passport.

I’m clicking awesome on this post for like, the first three or four sentences. I’m sorry about your sister. Since transitioning, I haven’t spoken to two of my brothers at all. On the plus side, my relationships and social life are all better than before, so it’s balanced itself out a bit. I’ve always preferred the company of chosen family anyway.

Congrats on getting through one of the hardest parts of all this! (Well, for me anyway, coming out was the hardest part by far)

Thanks!

And, yeah, coming out to a room of 20 people at work was an, uh, experience.

Neco · February 12

MsAnthropy wrote: »

Neco wrote: »

MsAnthropy wrote: »

As of today, the last of my wife's family has been informed and I am out everywhere. Work has been going great, and I now seem to have workplace friends all of a sudden? Weird. So far, only one negative personal experience with my born again evangelical sibling refusing to respond to my letter at all. I actually had to hear from my mom and baby sister to know that they had even received it. Guess I'll save money on gifts to that quiverfull at least. :/

In other news, getting all of my financial stuff changed over has been a massive headache. I am on an average 2-3 calls / attempts per account to actually have my name changed. It was 10x easier getting a new SSA card and passport.

I’m clicking awesome on this post for like, the first three or four sentences. I’m sorry about your sister. Since transitioning, I haven’t spoken to two of my brothers at all. On the plus side, my relationships and social life are all better than before, so it’s balanced itself out a bit. I’ve always preferred the company of chosen family anyway.

Congrats on getting through one of the hardest parts of all this! (Well, for me anyway, coming out was the hardest part by far)

Thanks!

And, yeah, coming out to a room of 20 people at work was an, uh, experience.

Ohhh

Oh god

!!!

Erin The Red · February 12

mori1972 wrote: »

Speaking of pics...I've been quiet in here of late.

This is a pic of one of the reasons why - me with my new boyfriend (he's in the cap, I'm in the green hoody):

It's been a crazy few months with all sorts of stuff, but I've never been happier than when I have this adorable human being in my arms

Fuck this is really cute and I'm so goddamn happy for you. You're a warm and lovely human and deserve lots of goodness in your life

Erin The Red · February 12

Jason went back to California earlier today. It was such a great extended weekend.

They got on great with Christine and me, and things felt comfortable and not pressured and just...everything was great. I have been a bit of a mess all day since I woke up (I'm awful at goodbyes) but tried to make sure to enjoy the last of my time together with them for now.

I took a lot of photos this weekend and of the ones I can share, here's a little gallery of us all being dorks

Also I got some bad news today
(CW: self harm)

One of my friends from an old job committed suicide last week. He was always outgoing and kind and supportive and always THERE for people and he never told us he was suffering. And it sucks and I miss him but I'm not judging his actions.

Life is hard, and I'm sad that he was in a place where that seemed like the best solution. I hope he is in a better place and that he's not hurting.

So yeah today was a lot. Hi how are you

Blackhawk1313 · February 12

I awesomed for the great extended weekend you had. I’m so happy for you and you deserve wonderful things happening.

On the other part I’m so sorry

.

mori1972 · February 12

Oh @Erin The Red

Giving you the biggest e-hugs I possibly can. Make sure you're ok and have someone to talk to yourself about that (be it Christine or someone else) - that sort of news can hit folks in all sorts of unexpected ways *big hugs*

3clipse · February 12

If it's now or in five years, me or anyone else on this form would undoubtedly be willing to talk about that as much or as little as you need.

Erin The Red · February 12

I think I sort of did a brain dump at several people over the last 24 hours about all of it. It's a lot and I'm still processing it but overall, I'm ok. It hurts, but I can bear that weight. I'm going to use it to motivate me to check in on people more and try to make time to talk to folks more regularly. It may not keep something like this from happening, but that's not something I can control

It was also just a rough day since Jason was leaving that same day. I had just written them a long note and snuck it into one of my books and then snuck THAT into their luggage when I got the news so I at least got a little bit of feelings vented that way first?

I've been trying to turn my sad "agggggh they're leaving me" energy into letting people know how much I care about and appreciate them. I did a similar thing at pax, just without the book.

Whippy · February 12

erin you’re good people

Erin The Red · February 12

Whippy wrote: »

erin you’re good people

Thanks? Thanks
I'm bad at accepting compliments. But this is nice and you're nice and yeah. Thanks

OmnipotentBagel · February 12

Erin The Red wrote: »

Whippy wrote: »

erin you’re good people

Thanks? Thanks
I'm bad at accepting compliments. But this is nice and you're nice and yeah. Thanks

That's something you're gonna have to get better at, lady, because you routinely do compliment-worthy stuff

Erin The Red · February 12

OmnipotentBagel wrote: »

Erin The Red wrote: »

Whippy wrote: »

erin you’re good people

Thanks? Thanks
I'm bad at accepting compliments. But this is nice and you're nice and yeah. Thanks

That's something you're gonna have to get better at, lady, because you routinely do compliment-worthy stuff

Hey woah none of that! No compliment piles! I'm just trying to love and live and be minimally shitty where possible

Also

Doobh · February 12

Honestly, I didn't think twice about how we met at PAX, Erin. It was the end of busy hecking weekend.

Erin The Red · February 12

Doobh wrote: »

Honestly, I didn't think twice about how we met at PAX, Erin. It was the end of busy hecking weekend.

Hey hi it was really nice to meet you in person, even if just for a few minutes. You're a good and sweet human and I wish we could've hung out more. Next time!

mori1972 · February 12

OmnipotentBagel wrote: »

Erin The Red wrote: »

Whippy wrote: »

erin you’re good people

Thanks? Thanks
I'm bad at accepting compliments. But this is nice and you're nice and yeah. Thanks

That's something you're gonna have to get better at, lady, because you routinely do compliment-worthy stuff

This, this, a hundred times this @Erin The Red . You are legitimately one of the loveliest folks on this forum, and this forum is already filled with some of the loveliest people already so that's a pretty impressive playing field right there. I don't get to interact with you (or indeed really anyone else on here) anything like as much as I feel I probably should (or want to sometimes) but you are absolutely a wonderful person and I'm glad that you've been able to share that unexpected emotional weight with other people.

Also, yeah, speaking as a fellow 'no don't pay me compliments because I really don't deserve them or merit them' person, you are going to have to get used to the fact that plenty of folks here and out there in the big wide scary world think you are compliment-worthy

I have the same thing with my new man - he'll say something nice about me, I immediately go into negative 'nah I'm not really' mode and he pulls me up on that.

It's...nice, and lovely, and makes me feel stupidly warm and fuzzy inside when he does it too.

Entaru · February 12

I am getting highly frustrated.

HR is ghosting me and since I switched my job search to my female name and resume I am getting far far less interest.

Welp all of this was to be expected I suppose.

Erin The Red · February 12

Entaru wrote: »

I am getting highly frustrated.

HR is ghosting me and since I switched my job search to my female name and resume I am getting far far less interest.

Welp all of this was to be expected I suppose.

Expected or not, that blows. A lot. I'm sorry HR didn't follow through on being there for you. Is there a way you can maybe loop your manager or director in on your communications to HR? Let them know that you'll go higher up if needed or something? Your rights being upheld and you being treated for respect is very important.

Also I definitely feel you on the job search. I used to not have an issue at all getting jobs before. Now I can't even get interviews. It's wild, since I've only gotten MORE skilled at stuff, not less. So what gives?

Penny Arcade

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