So my boyfriend and I decide to spend our first weekend of the winter break armed with a dime of weed, a bottle of terrible vodka, greasy pub food, and a visit to our ladyfriend's place. We get there, and sexy fun is had. I end up falling asleep in a comfortable chair for a few hours.
When I wake up, it's my curfew, so we pack up. I look at Choco. He looks like he has been mugged. His lip is split and bleeding, he has bruises on his face, and his neck is red.
"Holy shit." I say. "What happened."
"I don't know," he responds. Tears are streaming down his face. "...But it was ok." He also has a silly grin on his face.
We had to spend the first half of the break explaining how he had an 'allergic outbreak' to something he ate, which explained the 'terrible rashes' all over his neck and chest and his swollen face. It was incredibly awkward.
The best I can come up with is that your sexy fun was really violent or something.
And I guess I can add one that is somewhat relevant to the thread and happened to me on New Years Eve.
I am at a friend's house for his New Years party and it was just getting started when all of a sudden someone comes inside saying "Guys, check out this fire across the street. Some car is on fire." I say "Sweet, let's go" and we go across the street. I go from "sweet!" to "D:" in about five seconds as it is my car that is in flames and firefighters are beating the crap out of it to get to the fire.
So you see, I was expecting to go out on a date. My first date. I had mentioned it in passing to my mom, but she, being my mom, mentioned it to both of my sisters, who, being my sisters, are both gossips. I was really feeling good about that while walking down to the deli for breakfast. On the way, I met this girl, Luisa.
Now, Luisa and I are very similar people. We're both really eccentric, personality wise, and we've both basically liked the same kinds of books, films, and comics for our whole lives. However, she fucking hates me. I'm not a hating person, but, well, the last time we talked in December, she had called me a filthy minded sexist pig. So we met, ate breakfast, and walked to her basketball game, talking about shit like the past two months had never even happened. It was REALLY fucking surreal.
Now, the girl who I was going out with is a great woman-she's smart, she's funny, she's nice, she's eccentric, and she's pretty hot. We had been speaking from Christmas to Tuesday, and we're ridiculously similar. However, as she isn't the kind to carry her cellphone or go online often, I hadn't spoken to her since Tuesday. I sent her a message describing when would be a good time for the movie for me (she lives in a town that's around 20 miles away), but she hadn't responded. "Big deal," I thought "it's a weekday". She had been online, she just hadn't responded. However, on Saturday, right before I'm about to go, I get a call from a friend saying that her dad had come over on Thursday for the first time in a month, and that she was going to dinner with him.
I don't have anything against her for that, she doesn't see her dad often, it was just awkward as FUCK to go back home.
I was thinking that Choco wasn't her boyfriend at all, he was some largely unmentioned guy, but I think your theory is more sound *hat tip*.
Who is "she"?
Choco is definitely Cass' boyfriend. I gather that they had a threesome with this women, who is apparently prone to violence and beat the shit out of Choco mid-coitus while Cass was asleep.
Lately, my dad has been letting slip things that previously have been secret. For example, previous legal issues, the fact that he owns a gun, and last night this took a turn for the worst.
I was at dinner with my old lady last night, when my dad decided to reveal that when me married my mom, it was because they were already pregnant with me.
Also, my youngest brother was the result of a botched vasectomy, the painful ordeal of which he described in great detail.
Jesus Christ, dad.
I was apparently unplanned, and my dad wanted to abort me.
My sister was a celebratory shag after my mum had recovered from having me (I was a big baby).
hi5?
Next topic title: Strange, Embarrassing, and Depressing Moments.
I was thinking that Choco wasn't her boyfriend at all, he was some largely unmentioned guy, but I think your theory is more sound *hat tip*.
Who is "she"?
Choco is definitely Cass' boyfriend. I gather that they had a threesome with this women, who is apparently prone to violence and beat the shit out of Choco mid-coitus while Cass was asleep.
Yes. I did not think it was that complicated, apologies.
There was a party (12 people or so) at our friends house and they when we got there, everyone was already drunk. They lived across some liquor store so (being the new and sober people) we were asked to pick them up some vodka or tequila.
Being poor college students, we went with discount orange bottle vodka and middle range tequila, albeit a small bottle. We come back and everyone hits the tequila. However, one guy was solo-killing the vodka. Most everyone is conversing/yelling at each other loudly. I was drinking but very sober still. I go outside for a breather and I see vodka guy shirtless on the sidewalk humping my friend's car and making very loud "sex noises" as people walk by on the opposite side of the street. After he gets tired, he goes into the bushes and takes a shit. I decided to call it a night and go home.
Aright, this happened earlier today. Kind of minor, but embarrassing as hell. So I spent most of the day hanging around with a lady friend, and at one point, we went to one of those asian malls that sells bootleg EVERYTHING. I was of course, totally lost, (half of the signs weren't even in english) but this was her stomping ground, so she just led my bewildered self around.
Anyway, we're in one of those video stores where ALL the DVDs are bootlegs. So I have this huge, fascinated, dumb grin on my face as I inspect all of these cheap movies, most of which are still in theaters, and according to her, are high-quality. Of course I'm against pirating movies, but it was still nifty to look around. Anyways, bear in mind the aforementioned stupid, fascinated grin I wore, and the fact that the store was quite crowded and small. So I walk through the tiny store, reaching the back. I inspect the last row of shelves, and turn to the back wall. It was the delay that killed me. I registered DVD's, DVD's with girls on the cover....scantily chad girls on the cover...the hell? Then it hit me. It was a whole wall of porn. In a tiny store in the mall, surrounded by throngs of people, families and KIDS, and this girl, I'd been grinning madly at this wall of porn for like a good 10 seconds, why I didn't register it faster, I don't know. So I try and hide the sudden on my face, spin around, and go over to her, hoping no one paid attention to me, and thinks I'm some kind of pervert now. She of course was trying not to chuckle too loudly at my ignorance.
Seriously, who keeps a wall of porn out in the open in a small store in the MAIN area of a mall?
Talk about strange, I got lost in the park yesterday. What was supposed to be a two mile jog ended up being a 7-8 mile jaunt around the park system. I am not that in shape so I walked most of that, but still...
I got a phone call from my boss last night, a bit unusual since unless the office is on fire I rarely get called up. "Hey! You have to see this! I found the best porn sight ever!". OK my boss is giving me porn advice, I've dealt with wierder things. He reads out a URL and I lob up the browser and head off for some fap action. Apparently its some wierd amature goth vampire fetish site, not really my scene but girls in sexy clothes are always good.
Then I recognise the girl. Its my part time accounts clerk, a 19 year old chick and pretty hot. The ironic thing is when we hired her my boss was worried she wouldn't fit in because she seemed quiet. Apparently its the silent ones you have to watch out for.
I got a phone call from my boss last night, a bit unusual since unless the office is on fire I rarely get called up. "Hey! You have to see this! I found the best porn sight ever!". OK my boss is giving me porn advice, I've dealt with wierder things. He reads out a URL and I lob up the browser and head off for some fap action. Apparently its some wierd amature goth vampire fetish site, not really my scene but girls in sexy clothes are always good.
Then I recognise the girl. Its my part time accounts clerk, a 19 year old chick and pretty hot. The ironic thing is when we hired her my boss was worried she wouldn't fit in because she seemed quiet. Apparently its the silent ones you have to watch out for.
Shes coming in Monday, can't wait!
You know what you must do.
Odinious on
0
deowolfis allowed to do that.Traffic.Registered Userregular
I got a phone call from my boss last night, a bit unusual since unless the office is on fire I rarely get called up. "Hey! You have to see this! I found the best porn sight ever!". OK my boss is giving me porn advice, I've dealt with wierder things. He reads out a URL and I lob up the browser and head off for some fap action. Apparently its some wierd amature goth vampire fetish site, not really my scene but girls in sexy clothes are always good.
Then I recognise the girl. Its my part time accounts clerk, a 19 year old chick and pretty hot. The ironic thing is when we hired her my boss was worried she wouldn't fit in because she seemed quiet. Apparently its the silent ones you have to watch out for.
I got a phone call from my boss last night, a bit unusual since unless the office is on fire I rarely get called up. "Hey! You have to see this! I found the best porn sight ever!". OK my boss is giving me porn advice, I've dealt with wierder things. He reads out a URL and I lob up the browser and head off for some fap action. Apparently its some wierd amature goth vampire fetish site, not really my scene but girls in sexy clothes are always good.
Then I recognise the girl. Its my part time accounts clerk, a 19 year old chick and pretty hot. The ironic thing is when we hired her my boss was worried she wouldn't fit in because she seemed quiet. Apparently its the silent ones you have to watch out for.
1. Grab a mirror.
2. Walk up behind her.
3. Hold the mirror in front of her, and try to see if you can see her reflection.
4. When she asks you, "What the hell are you doing," just tell her that you had to see something.
5. There is no step five. You are probably going to get arrested for sexual harassment. But it's OK, because you'll know if she truly is a vampire.
I was thinking that Choco wasn't her boyfriend at all, he was some largely unmentioned guy, but I think your theory is more sound *hat tip*.
Who is "she"?
Choco is definitely Cass' boyfriend. I gather that they had a threesome with this women, who is apparently prone to violence and beat the shit out of Choco mid-coitus while Cass was asleep.
Yes. I did not think it was that complicated, apologies.
Your views interest me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
I was thinking that Choco wasn't her boyfriend at all, he was some largely unmentioned guy, but I think your theory is more sound *hat tip*.
Who is "she"?
Choco is definitely Cass' boyfriend. I gather that they had a threesome with this women, who is apparently prone to violence and beat the shit out of Choco mid-coitus while Cass was asleep.
Yes. I did not think it was that complicated, apologies.
Your views interest me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Step 1. Get a girlfriend
Step 2. Make sure girlfriend enjoys the 'softer sex'
Step 3. Make sure she doesn't have jealousy issues
Step 4. ???
Step 5. Get beaten... er... I mean, Profit.
1. Grab a mirror.
2. Walk up behind her.
3. Hold the mirror in front of her, and try to see if you can see her reflection.
4. When she asks you, "What the hell are you doing," just tell her that you had to see something.
5. There is no step five. You are probably going to get arrested for sexual harassment. But it's OK, because you'll know if she truly is a vampire.
Would it be sexual harassment to make seemingly innocent comments like, "Your accent, is it Transylvanian?" or referring to latex/pvc materials often?
Octoparrot on
0
deowolfis allowed to do that.Traffic.Registered Userregular
edited January 2008
"Look, officer, she's the one who did vampire-goth porn on the internet. I just wanted to see if her teeth were real."
1. Grab a mirror.
2. Walk up behind her.
3. Hold the mirror in front of her, and try to see if you can see her reflection.
4. When she asks you, "What the hell are you doing," just tell her that you had to see something.
5. There is no step five. You are probably going to get arrested for sexual harassment. But it's OK, because you'll know if she truly is a vampire.
Would it be sexual harassment to make seemingly innocent comments like, "Your accent, is it Transylvanian?" or referring to latex/pvc materials often?
I got a phone call from my boss last night, a bit unusual since unless the office is on fire I rarely get called up. "Hey! You have to see this! I found the best porn sight ever!". OK my boss is giving me porn advice, I've dealt with wierder things. He reads out a URL and I lob up the browser and head off for some fap action. Apparently its some wierd amature goth vampire fetish site, not really my scene but girls in sexy clothes are always good.
Then I recognise the girl. Its my part time accounts clerk, a 19 year old chick and pretty hot. The ironic thing is when we hired her my boss was worried she wouldn't fit in because she seemed quiet. Apparently its the silent ones you have to watch out for.
Shes coming in Monday, can't wait!
Yeah I've had a similar sort of instance. Seeing naked friends randomly on a porn site is both awesome and horrifying... All the more horrifying when you notice that its you standing next to her facing away from the camera with welt marks on your back...
*sigh*
I was only supposed to be there as a shaprone damnit.
Ok I've said too much, now transfering you back to regular programming:|
Posts
When I wake up, it's my curfew, so we pack up. I look at Choco. He looks like he has been mugged. His lip is split and bleeding, he has bruises on his face, and his neck is red.
"Holy shit." I say. "What happened."
"I don't know," he responds. Tears are streaming down his face. "...But it was ok." He also has a silly grin on his face.
We had to spend the first half of the break explaining how he had an 'allergic outbreak' to something he ate, which explained the 'terrible rashes' all over his neck and chest and his swollen face. It was incredibly awkward.
And I guess I can add one that is somewhat relevant to the thread and happened to me on New Years Eve.
I am at a friend's house for his New Years party and it was just getting started when all of a sudden someone comes inside saying "Guys, check out this fire across the street. Some car is on fire." I say "Sweet, let's go" and we go across the street. I go from "sweet!" to "D:" in about five seconds as it is my car that is in flames and firefighters are beating the crap out of it to get to the fire.
Electrical fire or something I later find out.
I am not, but she is, which means that she had unrestricted access to Choco while I slept, which meant he got the shit beat out of him (sexy-like).
So you see, I was expecting to go out on a date. My first date. I had mentioned it in passing to my mom, but she, being my mom, mentioned it to both of my sisters, who, being my sisters, are both gossips. I was really feeling good about that while walking down to the deli for breakfast. On the way, I met this girl, Luisa.
Now, Luisa and I are very similar people. We're both really eccentric, personality wise, and we've both basically liked the same kinds of books, films, and comics for our whole lives. However, she fucking hates me. I'm not a hating person, but, well, the last time we talked in December, she had called me a filthy minded sexist pig. So we met, ate breakfast, and walked to her basketball game, talking about shit like the past two months had never even happened. It was REALLY fucking surreal.
Now, the girl who I was going out with is a great woman-she's smart, she's funny, she's nice, she's eccentric, and she's pretty hot. We had been speaking from Christmas to Tuesday, and we're ridiculously similar. However, as she isn't the kind to carry her cellphone or go online often, I hadn't spoken to her since Tuesday. I sent her a message describing when would be a good time for the movie for me (she lives in a town that's around 20 miles away), but she hadn't responded. "Big deal," I thought "it's a weekday". She had been online, she just hadn't responded. However, on Saturday, right before I'm about to go, I get a call from a friend saying that her dad had come over on Thursday for the first time in a month, and that she was going to dinner with him.
I don't have anything against her for that, she doesn't see her dad often, it was just awkward as FUCK to go back home.
Am I to understand that there was some sort of ménage à trois going on, or does this ladyfriend of yours like to take liberties with your belongings when you're asleep?
I was thinking that Choco wasn't her boyfriend at all, he was some largely unmentioned guy, but I think your theory is more sound *hat tip*.
Who is "she"?
Choco is definitely Cass' boyfriend. I gather that they had a threesome with this women, who is apparently prone to violence and beat the shit out of Choco mid-coitus while Cass was asleep.
Next topic title: Strange, Embarrassing, and Depressing Moments.
Yes. I did not think it was that complicated, apologies.
There was a party (12 people or so) at our friends house and they when we got there, everyone was already drunk. They lived across some liquor store so (being the new and sober people) we were asked to pick them up some vodka or tequila.
Being poor college students, we went with discount orange bottle vodka and middle range tequila, albeit a small bottle. We come back and everyone hits the tequila. However, one guy was solo-killing the vodka. Most everyone is conversing/yelling at each other loudly. I was drinking but very sober still. I go outside for a breather and I see vodka guy shirtless on the sidewalk humping my friend's car and making very loud "sex noises" as people walk by on the opposite side of the street. After he gets tired, he goes into the bushes and takes a shit. I decided to call it a night and go home.
Further information gleaned from this story;
Weed and/or Vodka aside, either this was a really quiet beating of his life, or Cass sleeps like the dead.
I don't understand this at all. Can someone help me?
He also told us he was planning on "running the Reptilian Mile", whatever the fuck that means.
So, is he channeling David Icke?
Anyway, we're in one of those video stores where ALL the DVDs are bootlegs. So I have this huge, fascinated, dumb grin on my face as I inspect all of these cheap movies, most of which are still in theaters, and according to her, are high-quality. Of course I'm against pirating movies, but it was still nifty to look around. Anyways, bear in mind the aforementioned stupid, fascinated grin I wore, and the fact that the store was quite crowded and small. So I walk through the tiny store, reaching the back. I inspect the last row of shelves, and turn to the back wall. It was the delay that killed me. I registered DVD's, DVD's with girls on the cover....scantily chad girls on the cover...the hell? Then it hit me. It was a whole wall of porn. In a tiny store in the mall, surrounded by throngs of people, families and KIDS, and this girl, I'd been grinning madly at this wall of porn for like a good 10 seconds, why I didn't register it faster, I don't know. So I try and hide the sudden
Seriously, who keeps a wall of porn out in the open in a small store in the MAIN area of a mall?
Pretty much every video store in Chinatown in San Francisco. ;-)
I've had similar interactions in those kinds of stores myself.
Good story.
Good businessmen?
Damn am I sore today.
Then I recognise the girl. Its my part time accounts clerk, a 19 year old chick and pretty hot. The ironic thing is when we hired her my boss was worried she wouldn't fit in because she seemed quiet. Apparently its the silent ones you have to watch out for.
Shes coming in Monday, can't wait!
You know what you must do.
Put a stake through her what?
That's what you mean right?
He's already seen it, might as well touch it.
2. Walk up behind her.
3. Hold the mirror in front of her, and try to see if you can see her reflection.
4. When she asks you, "What the hell are you doing," just tell her that you had to see something.
5. There is no step five. You are probably going to get arrested for sexual harassment. But it's OK, because you'll know if she truly is a vampire.
Your views interest me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Step 1. Get a girlfriend
Step 2. Make sure girlfriend enjoys the 'softer sex'
Step 3. Make sure she doesn't have jealousy issues
Step 4. ???
Step 5. Get beaten... er... I mean, Profit.
Would it be sexual harassment to make seemingly innocent comments like, "Your accent, is it Transylvanian?" or referring to latex/pvc materials often?
"Son, I understand that. Next time you might want to ask to check that out with something other than your penis."
Short answer: Yes
Long answer: Do it.
I see what you did there.
Yeah I've had a similar sort of instance. Seeing naked friends randomly on a porn site is both awesome and horrifying... All the more horrifying when you notice that its you standing next to her facing away from the camera with welt marks on your back...
*sigh*
I was only supposed to be there as a shaprone damnit.
Ok I've said too much, now transfering you back to regular programming:|
Yes I am kidding.
...really.
edit: sorry, sorry, couldn't resist