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We're all just doing our best for our [Kids]

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Posts

  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    I had it explained as if a fat guy is constantly wrestling you to the ground and sitting in your lap. I think the mental image works pretty well. Good on you for spending time with the kids, I think that's the main thing to keep on giving to your kids.

  • mosssnackmosssnack Yeah right, man, Bishop should go! Good idea!Registered User regular
    You got a doc to talk to about the headaches? I get migraines on a some what regular basis and my life sort of grinds to a crippling halt when I get one.

    I’ve got some pretty decent meds now that knock em out and the peace of mind from that has improved my mental health in a big way.

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  • SolventSolvent Econ-artist กรุงเทพมหานครRegistered User regular
    @SharpyVII
    There's an outside chance your kid might wake, screaming, multiple times a night for 2.5 years.* This after having had screaming fits for between 10 minutes and 3 hours while you're putting them to bed.

    I got very frustrated with most parents telling me that night times got a lot better at around 6 months. I don't think my experience is the norm, but y'know... The sleepless nights could be for a while yet.

    *With the exception of about one month, around the 13-months old mark, for no reason I can discern.

    I don't know where he got the scorpions, or how he got them into my mattress.

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  • KalnaurKalnaur I See Rain . . . Centralia, WARegistered User regular
    Aldo wrote: »
    Wrt the "it takes a village" and us being modern parents who left their hometowns and have decided to cut toxic family out of their lives... It is fucking hard to find a new village. Part of my tribe is here on these forums, we have a bunch of friends in the area and we have family allover the place. But it is a far cry from the villages of yesteryear and social control/support those could provide to families. But then again: when you weren't popular in your town, you were fucked as well.

    I mean, to be 100% fair to that concept, we've only had someone watch our kid once in two and a half years, and that wasn't even for something fun. Part of it is that the wife doesn't actually really know how to take time to de-stress or have fun because her brain tells her that's a waste of time and money that she could be working and doing. Part of it is that I don't drive, and I loathe taking control of situations because I hate the feeling of things falling through, and the anxiety of thinking about how things will fail just makes me not even want to try. And part of it is that my friends are mostly on-line and more than an hour away, and family help is currently very not present as well. Basically, if you're more than an hour away, I'm not going to inconvenience you with coming my way unless it's an event or emergency.

    The positive here is that our kid is shockingly low maintenance. I mean, he has some verbal and sensory issues that mean communication is a chore, and he won't eat anything above baby food still, but he loves food, he loves just hanging out with us or playing toys or whatever, and he's just a really chill dude. The only time he has issues is when he's tired, and he has a funny relationship with sleep. Also, I'm the stay-at-home parent, and the wife is the worker, so that sort of mostly works out right now.

    I think that's the reason that, much like lonelyhava, I use online friends as my village at the moment. I'm trying to get more people to visit us, trying to plan more things out, but it is difficult when the one partner works outside the home constantly and just wants to be home when they're off, and the other wants to be outside because the only social interaction they've had in a month and a half is people on the internet. Building your own village is not an easy task, and the less close to a bigger city or central hub you are, the harder it gets.

    I make art things! deviantART: Kalnaur ::: Origin: Kalnaur ::: UPlay: Kalnaur
  • mosssnackmosssnack Yeah right, man, Bishop should go! Good idea!Registered User regular
    Wow, my 5 year old has got some snark to him now.

    Hey bud, since you’re done, can you empty your plate in the trash?

    Ask me that one more time and I’ll put you in the trash

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  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    Anya first started sleeping regularly through the night around 6, Niko is 4 and still wakes constantly.

    The only reason I get sleep now is because they’re old enough to wake and come straight into my bed, so I don’t have to retrieve them.

    The other day I was packing and I was up all night until 5 am, so I got a chance to observe how Niko sleeps by himself. (Well, he was in a bed with Anya). He woke up and felt around for me every hour, and screamed 2-3 of those times.

    I have had precisely 2 nights in the past 7 years where both kids slept through the night.

    I know I’m not alone... it’s just that a lot of us give up complaining after a certain age, haha.

  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    Kalnaur wrote: »
    Aldo wrote: »
    Wrt the "it takes a village" and us being modern parents who left their hometowns and have decided to cut toxic family out of their lives... It is fucking hard to find a new village. Part of my tribe is here on these forums, we have a bunch of friends in the area and we have family allover the place. But it is a far cry from the villages of yesteryear and social control/support those could provide to families. But then again: when you weren't popular in your town, you were fucked as well.

    I mean, to be 100% fair to that concept, we've only had someone watch our kid once in two and a half years, and that wasn't even for something fun. Part of it is that the wife doesn't actually really know how to take time to de-stress or have fun because her brain tells her that's a waste of time and money that she could be working and doing. Part of it is that I don't drive, and I loathe taking control of situations because I hate the feeling of things falling through, and the anxiety of thinking about how things will fail just makes me not even want to try. And part of it is that my friends are mostly on-line and more than an hour away, and family help is currently very not present as well. Basically, if you're more than an hour away, I'm not going to inconvenience you with coming my way unless it's an event or emergency.

    The positive here is that our kid is shockingly low maintenance. I mean, he has some verbal and sensory issues that mean communication is a chore, and he won't eat anything above baby food still, but he loves food, he loves just hanging out with us or playing toys or whatever, and he's just a really chill dude. The only time he has issues is when he's tired, and he has a funny relationship with sleep. Also, I'm the stay-at-home parent, and the wife is the worker, so that sort of mostly works out right now.

    I think that's the reason that, much like lonelyhava, I use online friends as my village at the moment. I'm trying to get more people to visit us, trying to plan more things out, but it is difficult when the one partner works outside the home constantly and just wants to be home when they're off, and the other wants to be outside because the only social interaction they've had in a month and a half is people on the internet. Building your own village is not an easy task, and the less close to a bigger city or central hub you are, the harder it gets.
    OK, sorry if this is too much prying, you can just ignore me if you're not interested in feedback.
    Your situation sounds rough. have you guys considered couples therapy? The issues you mention can fester and turn into more serious problems, couples therapy can nip that in the bud. Especially the way you describe your wife as a workaholic and yourself as more of a homebody has me a bit worried. Do you two go on dates? I love to spend time with my partner just going out for dinner and walking home without a stroller.

    We have family living 1.5 hrs away and they don't mind dropping by to babysit or have the kid come over for a night. I would encourage you to stop assuming no one would want to hang out with your kid for whatever and just ask them. What if they'd swing by to hang out with you and the kid and if that's going fine then you can go out for 1-2 hours (visit a bookstore or just chill out with a coffee at Starbucks)? What I'm trying to say is that stuff doesn't have to immediately be "take care of my spawn for a full day", but can be a small way for you to get out a bit.

    Your kid is also reaching the age of play dates becoming a thing... I assume you're a dad, so it might be weird to ask other stay-at-home parents you meet at playgrounds if they want to visit your house, but maybe plan to meet up at a local family-friendly diner or at a petting zoo. I noticed it's great for my kid to learn to socialize better and makes the day go by a bit faster as there's another adult to talk with.
    ---

    Actually, something awesome happened this weekend, one of his friends had a birthday party and they got to play together for a whole afternoon. That night he was talking in his sleep about his pal. In the morning we got a text that the birthday boy had also talked in his sleep about our kid. I sometimes feel like there's a secret Discord of toddlers where they plan this shit, because you just can't make it up.

  • mrpakumrpaku Registered User regular
    I'm literally at the point where I'm going to start asking random dads in the park who seem nice if they want to hang out. Between my parents and the 2016 election, I've aggressively burned my village down (not like it mattered much, my friends all found my kids to be a huge hassle, which is hilarious as they now start having their own). Gonna try pre-school days at the library and actually give the numbers Little Man got from school a call this summer, too

    Making friends is hard as an adult...it doesn't help that my wife and I are both introverts and homebodies, so we're having to try to force ourselves to get out and meet people, because even just one local friend would be invaluable (we could go on a date again! That only happens every six months or so!)

  • KalnaurKalnaur I See Rain . . . Centralia, WARegistered User regular
    mrpaku wrote: »
    I'm literally at the point where I'm going to start asking random dads in the park who seem nice if they want to hang out. Between my parents and the 2016 election, I've aggressively burned my village down (not like it mattered much, my friends all found my kids to be a huge hassle, which is hilarious as they now start having their own). Gonna try pre-school days at the library and actually give the numbers Little Man got from school a call this summer, too

    Making friends is hard as an adult...it doesn't help that my wife and I are both introverts and homebodies, so we're having to try to force ourselves to get out and meet people, because even just one local friend would be invaluable (we could go on a date again! That only happens every six months or so!)

    The kiddo is two and a half. I haven't been on a date, or even seen a movie in a theater in over 4 years. I mean, we're both pretty introverted, but it's getting very ridiculous at this point. :wink:

    I make art things! deviantART: Kalnaur ::: Origin: Kalnaur ::: UPlay: Kalnaur
  • mrpakumrpaku Registered User regular
    The first date after four years is probably going to be super awkward. I know even after six months, it takes me and my wife a bit of time to reframe things away from the kids and back to the two of us. Really hope we both find the support we're looking for...think every parent deserves some downtime to get to remember they're more than just mom or dad

  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    @Kalnaur I’d be willing to babysit!

  • mosssnackmosssnack Yeah right, man, Bishop should go! Good idea!Registered User regular
    We don’t really have any local friends. None that we’d have watch our kids anyway.

    However, we did find a reliable babysitter that is capable of putting both of the kiddos to bed. Occasional date nights are pretty mandatory for us at this point. It’s like a, I dunno, soft reset for the marriage? Whatever you wanna call it. You’ll spend a portion of them talking about the kids anyway, but at least it’s mostly uninterrupted conversation with another adult and a couple of drinks.

    We also take turns watching the kids solo through bedtime in order to let the other parental unit get out of the house for some alone time.

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  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    For the past year or so the kids have been old enough for Mori to parent solo, so every other Saturday I go and get a massage for an hour and it is sooooo niiiiice

  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist I swear! Registered User regular
    Whacked my head really hard at the playground this afternoon. My 7 year old went though a tunnel to the other side of the structure. I realized I couldn't get to the other side quickly enough to keep an eye on her (it was really crowded) so I decided to bendover and go beneath. Once I got to the other side there was still another part of the structure I didn't know about so I stood up quickly and slammed my head into it. Then at the same time a muscle in my lower back snapped and I just fell to the ground.

    So now I'm at home with an ice pack while my kid is watching tv.

    #itsdangerousoutside

    "Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
  • PeenPeen Registered User regular
    We got an NES classic for the family and my kids (6 and 8) have been playing mostly Super Mario 2 and 3 but they just discovered Kirby and I'd forgotten how much I like that game. These games are easy enough for them to play independently and the controller is the right size for their hands, A+ purchase, completely recommend.

  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist I swear! Registered User regular
    Dinosaur train! Dinosaur train! We're gonna riiiiiiiiide (ride, ride, ride, ride) the dinosaur train!

    "Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist I swear! Registered User regular
    Wow, now they're on a riverboat. Check off another box.

    "Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
  • SharpyVIISharpyVII Registered User regular
    So another bedtime has arrived.

    We've actually quite enjoyed trying to figure out what's been making it hard for him to sleep by process of elimination.

    We've bought some sleeping swaddle bag things as we think his startle reflex has been part of the reason he can't settle on his own. Often he was jerking his arms about at the slightest noise which then woke him up.

    So we've swaddled him but it didn't work at first.

    We've now decided that the cot mattress wasn't soft enough as he'd happily fall asleep instantly when he was on our bed.

    So he's now in his bassinet which seems to be working better.

    We're going to buy a soft mattress topper for his cot to see if that helps.

    Also helps that his feeding is getting better and more regular. My wife now can tell when he has or hasn't had enough which avoids him waking up immediately after putting him down because he's still hungry.

    Hopefully this all works!

  • Banzai5150Banzai5150 Registered User regular
    Took Kate for her first movie. Was the new Aladdin. She made it one and a half hours. Ate quite a bit of popcorn. And seemed to enjoy herself. We got up and left when she couldn’t sit still anymore and was more focused on everything but the movie.

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  • MNC DoverMNC Dover Full-time Voice Actor Kirkland, WARegistered User regular
    What's everyone's thoughts on an approximate age to let a kid see a movie? Like, they'll stay mainly engaged with the film and not get up and walk around.

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  • PeenPeen Registered User regular
    You've got to swaddle at least half again more tightly than you think you do for it to be effective. You're not going to crush your baby, they're mostly cartilage and used to being balled up, and if they can get their arms out you're sunk.

    We did around 5 for our kids' first theater movies, that seemed to work ok.

  • KetarKetar Come on upstairs we're having a partyRegistered User regular
    edited May 2019
    My son did well with sitting and staying engaged from about 4 on. My daughter started going earlier since she would get upset if left behind when big brother would get to go to a movie she wanted to see, and she's done well with staying engaged since early in age 3. As long as it was animated and age appropriate, anyway. She conned her way into a couple of movies that appealed more to him (3 year age gap) and would get bored too easily when that happened.

    Ketar on
  • mrpakumrpaku Registered User regular
    Middle Guy can't sit still that long, and Little Man probably couldn't show that amount of patience until he was six, but then my kids are spazzes, so

  • mosssnackmosssnack Yeah right, man, Bishop should go! Good idea!Registered User regular
    4ish for us. The main thing was seeing something he already had somewhat of an interest in. MLP, spiderverse, detective pikachu, etc

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  • FishmanFishman Put your goddamned hand in the goddamned Box of Pain. Registered User regular
    edited May 2019
    My 6yo has been to a few movies over the years and easily has the patience to do so now, but he's also a big fraidy-cat where anything even slightly stressful or tense upsets him, so the big limiter is the fact that he's super sensitive to media rather than sitting still, behaving, and paying attention.

    EDIT: I mean, he's been going to the football at the stadium for 3-4 years now and while there's less restrictions on being quiet or jumping up and down or singing, he's still a very attentive kid who watches 90 minutes of grown men just kicking a ball around, so he's got the temperance down, easy.

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  • bsjezzbsjezz Registered User regular
    edited May 2019
    rex came to see isle of dogs with me when he was still 3, and we've been to probably ten movies since then... he's got really good (selective) focus though, and has always been able to sit patiently through books, tv and movies at home. he's still four and has listened to me read through the entirety of the first harry potter book in chapters at bedtime, not to mention choose your own adventures and now he's onto goosebumps...

    beatrix, forget it. she's two but won't even listen to a board book before trotting off to get her own to 'read' (upside-down)

    bsjezz on
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  • MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    edited May 2019
    Adeline saw Shaun the Sheep when she was 2. She sat very nicely. Marcus, however, hasn't been to the theater and he's nearly 3 1/2. Very different temperaments.

    MulysaSempronius on
    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    I don't know that we'll ever take her to the theater for a movie.

    Neither hubby nor myself can do movie theatres. He gets motion sick and I can't stand the LOUD that everything seems to be set at.

    Am I really depriving her of something though?

  • Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    edited May 2019
    Deprived is a strong word, but I think it's something kids get excited for. We took my niece to one of her first movies (Scooby Doo) and my son's was one of the Cars movies.

    A few of the theaters here do showings for sensory sensitive kids (so not as loud and overwhelming). I wonder if that might help you with the volume.

    Lindsay Lohan on
  • Virgil_Leads_YouVirgil_Leads_You Proud Father House GardenerRegistered User regular
    Went to visit my nephew this memorial day. We played around the creek and backyard of my father's house.
    Came home to find what looks like a tick bite.
    Y'all stay vigilant. It's approaching that season. Gonna hit up a clinic because lime disease ain't nothing to mess with.

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  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    Deprived is a strong word, but I think it's something kids get excited for. We took my niece to one of her first movies (Scooby Doo) and my son's was one of the Cars movies.

    A few of the theaters here do showings for sensory sensitive kids (so not as loud and overwhelming). I wonder if that might help you with the volume.

    Yeah, movies are fun, but hardly anything that reaching "depriving" a kid of something. There are a million other fun things to do.

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  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    I had to pick my kid up early from daycare as he was running a mild fever and was sad. When ai got to the door he was jumping around singing songs. He definitely caught a cold, but I can't deal with him all day, so off to daycare with him. They usually don't mind and will just text me if he isn't feeling well after his nap.

    Shit is tiring af, though.

  • JaysonFourJaysonFour Classy Monster Kitteh Registered User regular
    I don't know that we'll ever take her to the theater for a movie.

    Neither hubby nor myself can do movie theatres. He gets motion sick and I can't stand the LOUD that everything seems to be set at.

    Am I really depriving her of something though?

    Wait until it comes out on DVD or streaming that you can start/stop when you need and can control the volume. Not to mention it'll be cheaper (ticket prices here in the States are still absolutely insane) and you can control the snacks and everything as needed. It works amazingly for my niece.

    Plus if you find out the movie actually sucks without paying for it, that's $$$ right back in your pocket for something better.

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  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    Aldo wrote: »
    I had it explained as if a fat guy is constantly wrestling you to the ground and sitting in your lap. I think the mental image works pretty well. Good on you for spending time with the kids, I think that's the main thing to keep on giving to your kids.

    That is a remarkably good description of what it feels like... yeah.
    mosssnack wrote: »
    You got a doc to talk to about the headaches? I get migraines on a some what regular basis and my life sort of grinds to a crippling halt when I get one.

    I’ve got some pretty decent meds now that knock em out and the peace of mind from that has improved my mental health in a big way.

    The thing about the headaches is that they could be from any number of medications I take that make things better, or even a combo. And they are making things better mood wise, but it's complicated. There are side effects to those and I have two different autoimmune disorders as well, and those can mimic or exacerbate any mental health stuff going on. It's rough sometimes.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    I don't know that we'll ever take her to the theater for a movie.

    Neither hubby nor myself can do movie theatres. He gets motion sick and I can't stand the LOUD that everything seems to be set at.

    Am I really depriving her of something though?

    If you don't like going to the movies because they're too loud, there are ear plugs you can get which don't muffle the noise like regular foam safety earplugs, they just quieten it down a fair bit without crushing all the high frequencies. They're ostensibly for going to concerts with, but I bet they'd work fairly well for movies in loud cinemas too.

  • mosssnackmosssnack Yeah right, man, Bishop should go! Good idea!Registered User regular
    ceres wrote: »
    Aldo wrote: »
    I had it explained as if a fat guy is constantly wrestling you to the ground and sitting in your lap. I think the mental image works pretty well. Good on you for spending time with the kids, I think that's the main thing to keep on giving to your kids.

    That is a remarkably good description of what it feels like... yeah.
    mosssnack wrote: »
    You got a doc to talk to about the headaches? I get migraines on a some what regular basis and my life sort of grinds to a crippling halt when I get one.

    I’ve got some pretty decent meds now that knock em out and the peace of mind from that has improved my mental health in a big way.

    The thing about the headaches is that they could be from any number of medications I take that make things better, or even a combo. And they are making things better mood wise, but it's complicated. There are side effects to those and I have two different autoimmune disorders as well, and those can mimic or exacerbate any mental health stuff going on. It's rough sometimes.

    That sounds rough. I’m sorry

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  • MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    Dad loves going to movies, and is happy our 5 year old can sit through most (he took her to Captain Marvel, but she stayed home for Endgame). I like movies well enough, but am not as excited for Pixar movies and the like as they are. I get to stay home with the 3 year old. It's fun as a nice time out, but definitely fine to just watch at home.

    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
  • PerrsunPerrsun Registered User regular
    Peen wrote: »
    Perrsun wrote: »
    Also here’s a thing that happened recently. Spoiled because it’s long and a stressful thing. Everything’s ok but if you don’t want to add stress to your life don’t read. Just venting:
    Thursday night our boy (almost 2) had a febrile seizure.

    These apparently happen because of a spike in body temperature, or a quick onset fever, usually because of a virus or infection.

    It was just... so scary to see happen, and so suddenly. We got him through it, despite being terrified because it seemed like he wasn’t breathing but then he started gasping and then crying. Cripes hearing that cry was a relief on the level of hearing him cry after being born. We took him to the ER and that’s when they told us about these febrile seizures.

    Apparently they just happen, usually when the kid is about to get or is sick. No link to epilepsy, though febrile seizures apparently can run in families (and we found out afterwards that both my mother in-law and brother in-law had one when they were young, but my wife hadn’t).

    From what the Dr said and what I’ve been reading most kids outgrow the chance of getting one by 5 or 6 years old, though they can happen multiple times... and having had 1 slightly increases the chances of having another one.

    All yesterday we just watched everything he did and through the day and into today you’d never know that anything happened. As far as he’s concerned everything is completely back to normal.

    So yeah. It seems like the worst of it is over for now, but cripes that was not how I expected that night to go.

    This happened to us with my second kid. She's had three, two with one cold and then one a few months later. We did the night in the hospital after the first one and didn't need to do anything special for the second time it happened but it was scary as hell both times. We got really aggressive with Tylenol to bring fevers down after that but she grew out of them and she's just fine now. Our best to you and yours, it's a bad thing.

    That part right there gives me hope... that if it happens again I can just be regular scared and deal with it, not the “Oh cripes I have no idea what to do my world is crumbling” that it was this time. And yeah, I think I’ll be a bit quicker to give Tylenol now.

  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist I swear! Registered User regular
    Urgh... my head is feeling better today but my lower back is impossible to move. Everything stiffened up overnight. This is why I need to work more on my core muscles. I'm in fucking agony and yet I still need to haul stuff around this afternoon.

    "Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
  • mrpakumrpaku Registered User regular
    LM: Can I get you back to Gehrman?
    Me: Sure, buddy... I gotta heat my coffee, you wanna give him a shot?
    LM: UMMM NO. (nervously scratches head) Bosses aren't...really my thing...
    Me: (laugh) But, you love to fight the Ender Dragon?
    LM: Well, yeah... I prefer bosses that kind of like, leave me alone?

This discussion has been closed.