So Sacramento's been having some infuriating times this year.
First off, there was a bar which booked Adam Calhoun and Demun Jones, a "hick hop" duo with anti-gay songs, on the weekend of pride parade. This obviously caused a stir, with a number of regular acts going "fuck this, we're done." The obvious happens and the act is cancelled (although they said they're coming to town anyway, so I half expected some fans to try to start something, but I haven't heard anything in the news so I'm guessing anyone who tried to start anything was just summarily made fun of/situation defused).
None of the above surprised me, honestly (other than the owners claiming they didn't realize it was pride parade weekend when...Come the fuck on).
However, the bigger news was with regards to the parade itself. So we won't even touch on the history of law enforcement with QUILTBAG folks - everyone here I'm sure knows it better than I do. The parade was originally going to allow for LGBTQ officers to march in-uniform. Some folks in the community spoke out about not being comfortable, they were dis-invited - still welcome to march, but not in uniform. This was the action which brought mainstream exposure. Sacramento LGBT Community Center spoke with the police, reversed the decision and re-invited them, but the police would also form an LGBTQ community outreach panel, as well as additional training for dealing with implicit bias, etc. Then today, protestors unhappy with the decision to allow it held up both the parade and entrances to the festival.
So that was a thing Not sure if that'll percolate up to national news or not.
now wracking my brains trying to remember which piss-addled wazzock had that whole article in the UK press bemoaning that "gays" had "stolen the rainbow".
... or I'll just go on assuming it was a paranoid homophobic leprechaun
I love how frequently homophobic/transphobic rhetoric winds up making us sound badass and "gays stole the rainbow from god" is straight up mythical
+15
lonelyahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
Happy Pride, y'all. My pan/bi pride scarf keeping me warm this morning.
now wracking my brains trying to remember which piss-addled wazzock had that whole article in the UK press bemoaning that "gays" had "stolen the rainbow".
... or I'll just go on assuming it was a paranoid homophobic leprechaun
I love how frequently homophobic/transphobic rhetoric winds up making us sound badass and "gays stole the rainbow from god" is straight up mythical
As Promotheus stole fire, The Gays stole the rainbow.
I was on my Ghostbuster anniversary trip this weekend and made sure I was sporting my rainbow Ghostbuster pin and two smaller Star Wars pins with the pansexual and trans pride flags, which got me a hug and a "Happy Pride buddy!" from one of the main Chicago guys there . I also got legit flirted at a couple times which still has me walking on air a little. This isn't the place for a report on the con so I'll leave it at that. Santa Monica was doing some Pride-related festivities Sunday though and that was really nice.
While I was gone my boss was doing some updating to our client database and my friend/coworker excitedly let me know that he added a nonbinary gender option as well.
As far as bosses go, he's a very sweet and well-meaning guy and it made me happy to see. He even put a little rainbow flag next to it for the icon (since he didn't have a nonbinary person emoji).
I don’t want to take up too much space in this thread, but I selfishly want to tell someone, just not friends or family. Anyway, I guess I just came out to my wife as pansexual?
Like, that’s a thing I can do, right? Feels weird! But good. She was great and happy about it.
I don’t think it’ll really change our lives very much. She’s asexual and is encouraging me explore that side of myself, but while I’m not asexual, I’m not very sexual, and am probably fine just being more honest with myself.
Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
I've started the process to change my name over at work. I think I should have a new name badge by tomorrow, assuming the manager who's dealing with it is working then. Getting payroll and everything updated means bringing in my new passport which I am still waiting for, it was supposed to get to me 10 days ago but I guess maybe the system is being fucked thanks to brexit.
I couldn't think of a good way to tell everyone at work so I'm just going with... not. They can figure it out for themselves, I'm sure.
Then I think I'm basically done with name stuff. I want to get my uni / school certificates reissued but that will cost money so I'll tackle it at some point.
I still have to tell some of my acquaintances. Maybe I'll do a Facebook thing.
I don’t know why I hadn’t come across it before, but I recently read about different types of attraction (link leads to an article about the different kinds) and I realized that I only experience emotional and/or aesthetic attraction. So at this point I am pretty happy to define myself as ace and aro and it feels good to have the vocabulary for it.
Also I have been chatting again to the woman I went on a sort-of date with (it was just coffee!) last year, and am going to pride with her at the end of the month.
I don’t want to take up too much space in this thread, but I selfishly want to tell someone, just not friends or family. Anyway, I guess I just came out to my wife as pansexual?
Like, that’s a thing I can do, right? Feels weird! But good. She was great and happy about it.
I don’t think it’ll really change our lives very much. She’s asexual and is encouraging me explore that side of myself, but while I’m not asexual, I’m not very sexual, and am probably fine just being more honest with myself.
I don’t want to take up too much space in this thread, but I selfishly want to tell someone, just not friends or family. Anyway, I guess I just came out to my wife as pansexual?
Like, that’s a thing I can do, right? Feels weird! But good. She was great and happy about it.
I don’t think it’ll really change our lives very much. She’s asexual and is encouraging me explore that side of myself, but while I’m not asexual, I’m not very sexual, and am probably fine just being more honest with myself.
3cl1ps3I will build a labyrinth to house the cheeseRegistered Userregular
Independent of all the other wonderful stuff in that article, seeing her finally feel empowered to truly understand that yes, it's okay to just want things because you want them, did my heart good.
Sigh was just in an elevator with two firm partners and the one who I know introduced me to the head of Strategy and Analytics as ‘she’ and I did not make a good impression as I grimaced a bit and devoted 70% of my mental cycles to if I should correct him in the moment or later.
Love being on T for basically a whole year and not reading as male at all! Fabulous, fantastic, totally great, worth getting divorced for, the works. Love having my professionalism compromised by a fundamental uncertainty in my gender presentation.
I did not correct him in the moment but I will send an email when I get home I suppose saying
“Hi [partner],
Nice running into you today. FYI—I use male pronouns. I’m actually giving a presentation on trans and non-binary identities in the workplace next Monday if you’re interested [link to invite].
Thanks,
[credeiki]”
Ok, well, time for dinner and videogames so I try not to get too thrown off by this because I do not need to wallow in how this sort of encounter makes me feel.
Oh yea and because people in this thread can’t read my voice usually, when I say ‘love’, above, I am being sarcastic, and actually this makes me very upset. To be clear.
And for context, this partner guy has known me at a distance for several months and has had a couple conversations with me, but clearly his mind simply could not retain that I use male pronouns because my presentation is so bad, although I am trying my best. I know he is not being malicious or purposeful about it.
The pharmacist comes over and asks the tech; "Does he need any counceling on the meds?"
The tech responds: "No SHE doesn't." Emphasis on the she.
Then me and the tech talked about her hard day.
It was very kind.
One of the pharmacy techs where I go memorized my name, like, immediately, and would always make a point of greeting me by name every time I came by because my prescription was under my old name and not everyone there reliably used the "preferred name" on the scrip. Those little things can really make a difference.
That's a more diplomatic resolution than I think I could manage. Well done.
Thanks; I have gotten good at sending these businessy emails, and used to 'oh hey actually I use male pronouns' as an addendum to almost every new conversation. It's just...ugh, this partner knows me! Or I thought he did.
I fucking hate how much of my identity and feelings I have to sanitize in order to have my job. let's pretend it isn't the fucking worst to have to correct someone to whom you need to come across as a technical expert on your pronouns multiple times a week just in the middle of your work day. 'Yeah of course no problem, I know it's hard to tell haha' as if that doesn't just rend me every time.
We had to submit our panel to 'risk'--people who assess whether it's appropriate for a corporate setting. We had to get our partner advocate to convince risk to allow us to use the image of the 'genderbread person' because it included the word sex. We're fucking explaining the concept of gender identity and how it isn't the same thing as biological sex!
They also removed, in our one panel question "how do you practice self-care given the state of the world today" the "given the state of the world today" because *god forbid* we mention anything about how we're being legally discriminated against as we speak, not to mention murdered, because that might be political. I'm just livid. The guy helping organize the panel--gay cis dude, fantastic trans ally, doing a lot of the emotional labor and organizational heavy lifting--was like 'ok so this is what we have on the slides that risk approved but to be clear, what we say is another matter'. One of our people's personal story is literally about getting discharged from the army for being trans after being a westpoint grad! It's gonna be political and risk will fucking deal.
I wish this didn't bother me so much. It's been a few hours and I'm still just really angry at everything; rationally, I know I am trying my best and I actually really like how I look! But gender is a social construct and very much about how other people interact with you and I think I feel very...erased or canceled when people don't read me the way I want. I don't know exactly how it makes me feel, other than angry (...which isn't useful, but has always been my default emotional response to anything unpleasant.)
And I'm supposed to come up with a 5 minute spiel explaining the genderbread person/concept of gender identity, expression, biological sex, romantic attraction orientation, sexual orientation, etc before COB tomorrow so they have a copy of my 'talking points' but I am super not in the mood for it at the moment (also I could talk for like...5 hours on this, so it's sort of hard to condense it.)
Steam, LoL: credeiki
0
Erin The RedThe Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMABaton Rouge, LARegistered Userregular
8 days and 9 hours until surgery. Been off HRT for like... A week and two days? And have had a headache for every one of those days minus the first one.
Super fun!
Also I was gonna write letters to people in case I don't wake up from surgery like someone recommended, but then I started doing that and ended up spending my morning crying at work and made my headache worse! Then I decided "hey fuck that noise. I'm just gonna say all the things to people when I talk to them." So I've been doing that and it's been way better.
So hey, thanks everyone. You mean a lot to me and this place was supportive and good and kind and funny and it's meant a lot. I know I don't visit here as much as I used to, but if people ever wanna talk one on one I can give you my Twitter or discord info or something.
That's a more diplomatic resolution than I think I could manage. Well done.
Thanks; I have gotten good at sending these businessy emails, and used to 'oh hey actually I use male pronouns' as an addendum to almost every new conversation. It's just...ugh, this partner knows me! Or I thought he did.
I fucking hate how much of my identity and feelings I have to sanitize in order to have my job. let's pretend it isn't the fucking worst to have to correct someone to whom you need to come across as a technical expert on your pronouns multiple times a week just in the middle of your work day. 'Yeah of course no problem, I know it's hard to tell haha' as if that doesn't just rend me every time.
We had to submit our panel to 'risk'--people who assess whether it's appropriate for a corporate setting. We had to get our partner advocate to convince risk to allow us to use the image of the 'genderbread person' because it included the word sex. We're fucking explaining the concept of gender identity and how it isn't the same thing as biological sex!
They also removed, in our one panel question "how do you practice self-care given the state of the world today" the "given the state of the world today" because *god forbid* we mention anything about how we're being legally discriminated against as we speak, not to mention murdered, because that might be political. I'm just livid. The guy helping organize the panel--gay cis dude, fantastic trans ally, doing a lot of the emotional labor and organizational heavy lifting--was like 'ok so this is what we have on the slides that risk approved but to be clear, what we say is another matter'. One of our people's personal story is literally about getting discharged from the army for being trans after being a westpoint grad! It's gonna be political and risk will fucking deal.
I wish this didn't bother me so much. It's been a few hours and I'm still just really angry at everything; rationally, I know I am trying my best and I actually really like how I look! But gender is a social construct and very much about how other people interact with you and I think I feel very...erased or canceled when people don't read me the way I want. I don't know exactly how it makes me feel, other than angry (...which isn't useful, but has always been my default emotional response to anything unpleasant.)
And I'm supposed to come up with a 5 minute spiel explaining the genderbread person/concept of gender identity, expression, biological sex, romantic attraction orientation, sexual orientation, etc before COB tomorrow so they have a copy of my 'talking points' but I am super not in the mood for it at the moment (also I could talk for like...5 hours on this, so it's sort of hard to condense it.)
Fuck all of this, but fuck this in particular. People want to act like we're equal when our existence has to be approved by a goddamn panel.
I get the same anger response and I agree it's extremely difficult to channel that into anything else.
Posts
First off, there was a bar which booked Adam Calhoun and Demun Jones, a "hick hop" duo with anti-gay songs, on the weekend of pride parade. This obviously caused a stir, with a number of regular acts going "fuck this, we're done." The obvious happens and the act is cancelled (although they said they're coming to town anyway, so I half expected some fans to try to start something, but I haven't heard anything in the news so I'm guessing anyone who tried to start anything was just summarily made fun of/situation defused).
None of the above surprised me, honestly (other than the owners claiming they didn't realize it was pride parade weekend when...Come the fuck on).
However, the bigger news was with regards to the parade itself. So we won't even touch on the history of law enforcement with QUILTBAG folks - everyone here I'm sure knows it better than I do. The parade was originally going to allow for LGBTQ officers to march in-uniform. Some folks in the community spoke out about not being comfortable, they were dis-invited - still welcome to march, but not in uniform. This was the action which brought mainstream exposure. Sacramento LGBT Community Center spoke with the police, reversed the decision and re-invited them, but the police would also form an LGBTQ community outreach panel, as well as additional training for dealing with implicit bias, etc. Then today, protestors unhappy with the decision to allow it held up both the parade and entrances to the festival.
So that was a thing Not sure if that'll percolate up to national news or not.
I love how frequently homophobic/transphobic rhetoric winds up making us sound badass and "gays stole the rainbow from god" is straight up mythical
Happy Pride, y'all. My pan/bi pride scarf keeping me warm this morning.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
As Promotheus stole fire, The Gays stole the rainbow.
Steam // Secret Satan
Which got me into the mood to do this.
Steam
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
While I was gone my boss was doing some updating to our client database and my friend/coworker excitedly let me know that he added a nonbinary gender option as well. As far as bosses go, he's a very sweet and well-meaning guy and it made me happy to see. He even put a little rainbow flag next to it for the icon (since he didn't have a nonbinary person emoji).
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
FFS
Like, that’s a thing I can do, right? Feels weird! But good. She was great and happy about it.
I don’t think it’ll really change our lives very much. She’s asexual and is encouraging me explore that side of myself, but while I’m not asexual, I’m not very sexual, and am probably fine just being more honest with myself.
I couldn't think of a good way to tell everyone at work so I'm just going with... not. They can figure it out for themselves, I'm sure.
Then I think I'm basically done with name stuff. I want to get my uni / school certificates reissued but that will cost money so I'll tackle it at some point.
I still have to tell some of my acquaintances. Maybe I'll do a Facebook thing.
Have your wife say "Wow. Your breasts are starting to grow!"
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
Also I have been chatting again to the woman I went on a sort-of date with (it was just coffee!) last year, and am going to pride with her at the end of the month.
Hey
Proud of you :bro:
HAPPY PRIDE NERDS.
So this just made me cry.
In a good way, to be clear.
CW: a decent amount of talk about TERFy bullshit. Author is not a TERF but some people in the article are.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
hmm yes this is correct
Love being on T for basically a whole year and not reading as male at all! Fabulous, fantastic, totally great, worth getting divorced for, the works. Love having my professionalism compromised by a fundamental uncertainty in my gender presentation.
I did not correct him in the moment but I will send an email when I get home I suppose saying
“Hi [partner],
Nice running into you today. FYI—I use male pronouns. I’m actually giving a presentation on trans and non-binary identities in the workplace next Monday if you’re interested [link to invite].
Thanks,
[credeiki]”
Ok, well, time for dinner and videogames so I try not to get too thrown off by this because I do not need to wallow in how this sort of encounter makes me feel.
And for context, this partner guy has known me at a distance for several months and has had a couple conversations with me, but clearly his mind simply could not retain that I use male pronouns because my presentation is so bad, although I am trying my best. I know he is not being malicious or purposeful about it.
The pharmacist comes over and asks the tech; "Does he need any counceling on the meds?"
The tech responds: "No SHE doesn't." Emphasis on the she.
Then me and the tech talked about her hard day.
It was very kind.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
(Pharmacy ran out of E a while back and I'm still getting my levels reset)
One of the pharmacy techs where I go memorized my name, like, immediately, and would always make a point of greeting me by name every time I came by because my prescription was under my old name and not everyone there reliably used the "preferred name" on the scrip. Those little things can really make a difference.
Thanks; I have gotten good at sending these businessy emails, and used to 'oh hey actually I use male pronouns' as an addendum to almost every new conversation. It's just...ugh, this partner knows me! Or I thought he did.
I fucking hate how much of my identity and feelings I have to sanitize in order to have my job. let's pretend it isn't the fucking worst to have to correct someone to whom you need to come across as a technical expert on your pronouns multiple times a week just in the middle of your work day. 'Yeah of course no problem, I know it's hard to tell haha' as if that doesn't just rend me every time.
We had to submit our panel to 'risk'--people who assess whether it's appropriate for a corporate setting. We had to get our partner advocate to convince risk to allow us to use the image of the 'genderbread person' because it included the word sex. We're fucking explaining the concept of gender identity and how it isn't the same thing as biological sex!
They also removed, in our one panel question "how do you practice self-care given the state of the world today" the "given the state of the world today" because *god forbid* we mention anything about how we're being legally discriminated against as we speak, not to mention murdered, because that might be political. I'm just livid. The guy helping organize the panel--gay cis dude, fantastic trans ally, doing a lot of the emotional labor and organizational heavy lifting--was like 'ok so this is what we have on the slides that risk approved but to be clear, what we say is another matter'. One of our people's personal story is literally about getting discharged from the army for being trans after being a westpoint grad! It's gonna be political and risk will fucking deal.
I wish this didn't bother me so much. It's been a few hours and I'm still just really angry at everything; rationally, I know I am trying my best and I actually really like how I look! But gender is a social construct and very much about how other people interact with you and I think I feel very...erased or canceled when people don't read me the way I want. I don't know exactly how it makes me feel, other than angry (...which isn't useful, but has always been my default emotional response to anything unpleasant.)
And I'm supposed to come up with a 5 minute spiel explaining the genderbread person/concept of gender identity, expression, biological sex, romantic attraction orientation, sexual orientation, etc before COB tomorrow so they have a copy of my 'talking points' but I am super not in the mood for it at the moment (also I could talk for like...5 hours on this, so it's sort of hard to condense it.)
Super fun!
Also I was gonna write letters to people in case I don't wake up from surgery like someone recommended, but then I started doing that and ended up spending my morning crying at work and made my headache worse! Then I decided "hey fuck that noise. I'm just gonna say all the things to people when I talk to them." So I've been doing that and it's been way better.
So hey, thanks everyone. You mean a lot to me and this place was supportive and good and kind and funny and it's meant a lot. I know I don't visit here as much as I used to, but if people ever wanna talk one on one I can give you my Twitter or discord info or something.
Fuck all of this, but fuck this in particular. People want to act like we're equal when our existence has to be approved by a goddamn panel.
I get the same anger response and I agree it's extremely difficult to channel that into anything else.