Imagine being so disconnected from your history that you threaten to call the cops on a black trans woman at Stonewall on the 50th anniversary of the riots. It's like an ill-conceived parody.
It's less "disconnected from history" and more "fuck you got mine". White cis queers, in particular, (as a broad group, obviously not every single one) tend to be indifferent-to-hostile to ongoing trans and especially poc issues, because they don't want to have to sacrifice any of the comfort they've finally been allowed from society to fight for those who are still struggling.
This is 100% unsurprising. But I do recommend reading the quoted thread in that tweet because if nothing else it's a great example of how to be a good ally, up to, and including platforming the people they are fighting for
i've been mulling this over for a while and spent some time being too scared to write this post when i first started lurking the thread back at christmas when everyone was heaping praise on it in the what PA has done for you threads. spoilered for slight ramble and no real conclusion
so, like a lot of people in the past few years, I've been spending a lot of time and effort working to dissect my views from societal patriarchy and white supremacy and the like and well a lot of stuff comes detangled when you're doing that. I think the first time i noticed that effect was when i went down a thought process that concluded that monogamy was used for the patriarch to exert ownership and polyamory is our default relationship to the world and anyway i guess where this came to a head was in a conversation with several trans members of the magic the gathering community I interact with, one of them made a comment that "it's not 'normal' to wish you were another gender," and I'm sure I'm bungling their exact messaging- they didn't mean it as an attack on trans or NB people, but as an "if you do think that then there's something more going on with you," and whether their words were true or not, it kind of broke my brain for a month or so because for me that was a large part of growing up. i was basically sleepless for a few weeks just thinking about that line nonstop. I had quietly been assuming everyone had those thoughts my whole life, and i realized a lot of it came down to the pressures put on me growing up as a boy on how i was supposed to act and perform and look all the time. Under that pressure of course i romanticized how it was on the other side with no real idea at the time that the girls were under all the same pressures and more that were much more unkind to them. I think when i finally calmed down enough i came to this idea that I wanted the lived experience of growing up as a girl and that's never going to be a thing available to me. So I don't know what that means for me. I do still see my identity as male, but I see that a lot of that is wrapped up in societal definitions and expectations so tight that I don't even know if it's possible to unravel where those end and any true "I" begins. I've always felt a bit like i was lacking an identity, but at the very least, all of this process has made me more comfortable just being a "me" right now and I know it's not the same, and that some of y'all have had lived experiences I can't share in, but i've never been able to say any of this and I'm sorry if it just reads as CIS boy complains about their CISness.
This stuff is hard and it takes a while to find out where you fit but you absolutely have to be kind to yourself and give yourself the space and compassion to follow the road where ever it goes for you.
Mostly just huntin' monsters.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
I see that a lot of that is wrapped up in societal definitions and expectations so tight that I don't even know if it's possible to unravel where those end and any true "I" begins. I've always felt a bit like i was lacking an identity, but at the very least, all of this process has made me more comfortable just being a "me" right now
this was a lot of my journey from having awful trans feelings to being comfortable with myself as more NB.
it's really cool to see someone else reaching that realization, wherever it takes them.
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MalReynoldsThe Hunter S Thompson of incredibly mild medicinesRegistered Userregular
I posted today on Facebook coming out as bi, which most everyone either already knew, had a sneaking suspicion, or had been a same sex partner at some point.
But when I was discussing gender and gender identity with my friend Gopher I came to the realization that I'm not comfortable with society and their idea of what it is to be male or masculine because I am both of those things by societies standards but I definitely don't feel like... I dunno.
Anyway I think I'm maybe genderfluid if that all makes sense. I don't really know how to square the circle in that I don't have dysphoria or dysmorphia and I also feel as a bi white 'guy' I feel like I'm interceding on space that... Is for people that need it way more than me right now?
Like, I still grimace when I'm referred to as a guy but that's more because I so strongly hate the societal ideals tied up with masculinity.
Sorry for rambling. I'm also not using this space for emotional support or asking anyone to do any emotional labor for me. If I need to spoiler anything or add a content warning, @ me please.
"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
I posted today on Facebook coming out as bi, which most everyone either already knew, had a sneaking suspicion, or had been a same sex partner at some point.
But when I was discussing gender and gender identity with my friend Gopher I came to the realization that I'm not comfortable with society and their idea of what it is to be male or masculine because I am both of those things by societies standards but I definitely don't feel like... I dunno.
Anyway I think I'm maybe genderfluid if that all makes sense. I don't really know how to square the circle in that I don't have dysphoria or dysmorphia and I also feel as a bi white 'guy' I feel like I'm interceding on space that... Is for people that need it way more than me right now?
Like, I still grimace when I'm referred to as a guy but that's more because I so strongly hate the societal ideals tied up with masculinity.
Sorry for rambling. I'm also not using this space for emotional support or asking anyone to do any emotional labor for me. If I need to spoiler anything or add a content warning, @ me please.
In my wealth of experience and knowledge about these things (which is approximately fuckall, that was a joke), maybe genderqueer is something worth looking into as well?
So i gotta put on makeup and smooch people and look handsome with my bfs and meet lovely people and have a good time
And it was a v nice place w nice vibes
so it turns out that Unicorns puts on regularish parties and events (also that my younger brother nearly did some decor for one of them) and it's p cool
I posted today on Facebook coming out as bi, which most everyone either already knew, had a sneaking suspicion, or had been a same sex partner at some point.
But when I was discussing gender and gender identity with my friend Gopher I came to the realization that I'm not comfortable with society and their idea of what it is to be male or masculine because I am both of those things by societies standards but I definitely don't feel like... I dunno.
Anyway I think I'm maybe genderfluid if that all makes sense. I don't really know how to square the circle in that I don't have dysphoria or dysmorphia and I also feel as a bi white 'guy' I feel like I'm interceding on space that... Is for people that need it way more than me right now?
Like, I still grimace when I'm referred to as a guy but that's more because I so strongly hate the societal ideals tied up with masculinity.
Sorry for rambling. I'm also not using this space for emotional support or asking anyone to do any emotional labor for me. If I need to spoiler anything or add a content warning, @ me please.
You are queer and trying to figure stuff out! You don't need to apologize for that and you're being super kind and considerate; don't worry! You deserve emotional support as much as anyone.
There's a lot of nuance in gender expression and identity, and whether you end up deciding that you feel like a guy who doesn't buy into the masculine ideals he was raised with and is currently surrounded by and who is going to redefine what it means to be male, or whether you find yourself embracing a more genderqueer or nb or feminine identity--those are all important topics for personal reflection and interesting topics of discussion in a queer space.
Which I believe makes him the first black male LGBTQ person to go #1, and in 4 weeks may be the longest-running #1 of any genre
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3cl1ps3I will build a labyrinth to house the cheeseRegistered Userregular
edited July 2019
Old Town Road is also notable in its success because a lot of racists spent a lot of time trying to argue iT's NoT rEaLlY cOuNtRy for Reasons that are totally not just because he's black of course there are other reasons but let me get back to you on what they are*
My friend had dinner with me last night and was like here this is for you—and have me this very nice minimal black leather wallet/billfold. And I was like eeee thank you but uh wait, what’s the occasion...? And she points at the monogram on it with my new initials and I’m like oh. Oh! Wow! Thank youuuuuuu—this is my friend since freshman year of college, who now lives 5 min from me in my neighborhood, and she popped out of work the day I went to court for my name change last week, and came to chat and congratulate me afterwards (I did the process alone otherwise).
She was like yeah the choices of gift were either a wallet or a flask. Man gifts hahahaha delightful—but I already have a flask I like, and my previous wallet is falling apart garbage I already tried to replace recently, so this is very functional and good for me—but really what it is is just *so* thoughtful and kind and nice of her! She and my other friend from college have just been the best (the other friend is the one who sent me these corny cards off etsy when I started T, like cards with silly trans puns on them and really thoughtful handwritten long letters inside), and it’s so nice to have some people in my life who are celebratory of this transition but who also treat me exactly the same as they did before (as I’ve mentioned, I am 10000% unwilling to give up my foundational female friendships and modes of socialization just cause I’m more overtly masculine-identified than previously).
But yeah, A.’s gift is just so thoughtful and nice and makes me really really happy. Definitely the nicest thing someone has done around my transition and I’m just quite touched.
I'm feeling very attacked by the latest contrapoints video
i feel like it just rehashes the arguments of every side and then doesn't reach a conclusion,
so all it really accomplishes is being hurtful by repeating hurtful arguments.
maybe it's useful to clarify the arguments?
some of the jokes are okay, and a lot of them are mean.
possibly it's good for pointing out the pitfalls inherent in current views of the subject,
but despite an attempt,
her own opinions keep her from reaching the conclusion she reaches toward through her analysis.
i don't feel like going super into it but i think contrapoints has a lot more misses than hits and is often hamstrung by presenting a fairly limited and personal opinion
I'm feeling very attacked by the latest contrapoints video
I'm sorry, we kinda talked past you here. If you'd be willing to open up on that or if there's anything specific you'd like to vent about it, we're here and will listen and learn
Posts
It's less "disconnected from history" and more "fuck you got mine". White cis queers, in particular, (as a broad group, obviously not every single one) tend to be indifferent-to-hostile to ongoing trans and especially poc issues, because they don't want to have to sacrifice any of the comfort they've finally been allowed from society to fight for those who are still struggling.
This is 100% unsurprising. But I do recommend reading the quoted thread in that tweet because if nothing else it's a great example of how to be a good ally, up to, and including platforming the people they are fighting for
This stuff is hard and it takes a while to find out where you fit but you absolutely have to be kind to yourself and give yourself the space and compassion to follow the road where ever it goes for you.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
it seems you've realized some important things.
this was a lot of my journey from having awful trans feelings to being comfortable with myself as more NB.
it's really cool to see someone else reaching that realization, wherever it takes them.
But when I was discussing gender and gender identity with my friend Gopher I came to the realization that I'm not comfortable with society and their idea of what it is to be male or masculine because I am both of those things by societies standards but I definitely don't feel like... I dunno.
Anyway I think I'm maybe genderfluid if that all makes sense. I don't really know how to square the circle in that I don't have dysphoria or dysmorphia and I also feel as a bi white 'guy' I feel like I'm interceding on space that... Is for people that need it way more than me right now?
Like, I still grimace when I'm referred to as a guy but that's more because I so strongly hate the societal ideals tied up with masculinity.
Sorry for rambling. I'm also not using this space for emotional support or asking anyone to do any emotional labor for me. If I need to spoiler anything or add a content warning, @ me please.
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
In my wealth of experience and knowledge about these things (which is approximately fuckall, that was a joke), maybe genderqueer is something worth looking into as well?
so it turns out that Unicorns puts on regularish parties and events (also that my younger brother nearly did some decor for one of them) and it's p cool
Steam // Secret Satan
You are queer and trying to figure stuff out! You don't need to apologize for that and you're being super kind and considerate; don't worry! You deserve emotional support as much as anyone.
There's a lot of nuance in gender expression and identity, and whether you end up deciding that you feel like a guy who doesn't buy into the masculine ideals he was raised with and is currently surrounded by and who is going to redefine what it means to be male, or whether you find yourself embracing a more genderqueer or nb or feminine identity--those are all important topics for personal reflection and interesting topics of discussion in a queer space.
Lil Nas X Comes Out on Last Day of Pride Month
Who is Lil Nas X you ask?
Well he made this fucking contangious as fuck song
A song that has entrenched itself into the American consciousness
Which I believe makes him the first black male LGBTQ person to go #1, and in 4 weeks may be the longest-running #1 of any genre
*it's because he's black.
so really Lil Nas X is just a badass all around.
I keep reading it in my mind as "Little Nas Ten", but I'm 90% sure that's wrong
Lilnasx
As in vs sever
Oh boo
I hope she recovers well. Send her our love
@Erin The Red
THEY LOVE YOU
so i changed my avatar to a crow again,
just in time
to miss pride month
Wrath month is a good time for a murder.
Of crows.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
I am not watching it. The last one made me and my wife both cry.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
She was like yeah the choices of gift were either a wallet or a flask. Man gifts hahahaha delightful—but I already have a flask I like, and my previous wallet is falling apart garbage I already tried to replace recently, so this is very functional and good for me—but really what it is is just *so* thoughtful and kind and nice of her! She and my other friend from college have just been the best (the other friend is the one who sent me these corny cards off etsy when I started T, like cards with silly trans puns on them and really thoughtful handwritten long letters inside), and it’s so nice to have some people in my life who are celebratory of this transition but who also treat me exactly the same as they did before (as I’ve mentioned, I am 10000% unwilling to give up my foundational female friendships and modes of socialization just cause I’m more overtly masculine-identified than previously).
But yeah, A.’s gift is just so thoughtful and nice and makes me really really happy. Definitely the nicest thing someone has done around my transition and I’m just quite touched.
i feel like it just rehashes the arguments of every side and then doesn't reach a conclusion,
so all it really accomplishes is being hurtful by repeating hurtful arguments.
maybe it's useful to clarify the arguments?
some of the jokes are okay, and a lot of them are mean.
possibly it's good for pointing out the pitfalls inherent in current views of the subject,
but despite an attempt,
her own opinions keep her from reaching the conclusion she reaches toward through her analysis.
it's flawed in that way.
I'm sorry, we kinda talked past you here. If you'd be willing to open up on that or if there's anything specific you'd like to vent about it, we're here and will listen and learn
lil nas cross
X'es are cool.
remember when this character was horrible two videos ago
well this video they get their comeuppance because it's the main main topic and not a sidebar I vaguely tied to the other content