Whats that? Afraid we might see something we shouldn't? Huh, vampire?
Ok, now for the topic... Strange and embarrassing...
I went into work today wearing my Stitch polo shirt, making my wife giggle from her insane disney fetish. I get there, and there another 3 guys with disney polo's, one of which was Stitch. Boy was my face red, must have looked like a ripe ol' tomato.
Whats that? Afraid we might see something we shouldn't? Huh, vampire?
Ok, now for the topic... Strange and embarrassing...
I went into work today wearing my Stitch polo shirt, making my wife giggle from her insane disney fetish. I get there, and there another 3 guys with disney polo's, one of which was Stitch. Boy was my face red, must have looked like a ripe ol' tomato.
They must know about your wife's Disney fetish too!
I'm not PMing 50 people porn sights. Its not upfront bewbs in your face anyway, oh its very tasteful softcore. The pic that really got me wondering though was this one(not porn, but wierd non the less). I'm thinking of using it as my desktop.
Whats that? Afraid we might see something we shouldn't? Huh, vampire?
Ok, now for the topic... Strange and embarrassing...
I went into work today wearing my Stitch polo shirt, making my wife giggle from her insane disney fetish. I get there, and there another 3 guys with disney polo's, one of which was Stitch. Boy was my face red, must have looked like a ripe ol' tomato.
They must know about your wife's Disney fetish too!
Zing!
HAHA WOW.
I BET IF THEIR BOSS FOUND OUT THEY'D HAVE TO BE FIRED.
1. Grab a mirror.
2. Walk up behind her.
3. Hold the mirror in front of her, and try to see if you can see her reflection.
4. When she asks you, "What the hell are you doing," just tell her that you had to see something.
5. There is no step five. You are probably going to get arrested for sexual harassment. But it's OK, because you'll know if she truly is a vampire.
Would it be sexual harassment to make seemingly innocent comments like, "Your accent, is it Transylvanian?" or referring to latex/pvc materials often?
If she (or correctly, her lawyer) can put the pieces together, you bet. Look up "hostile workplace" sometime.
Today, I was in a meeting at work. Someone asked me a question and I started to answer them. Very suddenly in a strange way, I could hear myself talking. Not like I always hear myself. Like, when you listen to yourself on tape, you sound totally different than the voice you're used to in your head? I could, for whatever reason, hear that voice in my head very clearly, even though it was just me sitting there talking.
It was weird. I can only imagine I must've looked ridiculous to everyone in the meeting as it occurred to me. I stumbled over what I was saying, shook it off, and went on normally. Very strange.
Today in class some idiot was texting while the professor was talking. The professor made his way around the class, came up to the texter, stopped and said, "Tell Jill she's a slut."
It was somewhat counterproductive as it took quite a while for everyone to stop laughing.
That is so cool.
My choir director once took a girl's cellphone because people kept calling her in class. He would answer it and just start chatting to them. They found it very awkward.
That is so cool.
My choir director once took a girl's cellphone because people kept calling her in class. He would answer it and just start chatting to them. They found it very awkward.
And the girl never turned off her phone in school because...
In my middle school, an English teacher was renowned for intercepting people's notes, making photocopies of them, and distributing them to the class to be proofread.
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HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
edited January 2008
Time for a mildly entertaining true story from Hacksaw's varied and interesting life.
In the opening week of my Stage Tech class, we sat in chairs on the stage during class. The configuration of the chairs was such that we were arranged in a semi circle. I was sitting on the far left end one day when all of a sudden Mighty Kong (my penis) decided to awaken, much to my surprise and chagrin. Now, those of you who've been around here long enough probably know that I've talked about my dick more than once, specifically relating to its size. Well, one of the drawbacks of having a large unit is that it's logistically unfeasible to wear pants that range from tight to snug. On this particular morning, I, having no other options because I was being a lazy shit that week and neglecting to do my laundry, decided in my infinite wisdom to wear my snug, dark blue jeans to class that day. I reasoned with myself that I should wear the jeans instead of my sweat pants because I didn't have any shirts to go along with the sweats. Oh what a mistake this turned out to be (sort of).
So, now in class, my little soldier standing at attention, I'm in a situation. On the one hand, I've got a big donger, so it's not like I've got anything to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. On the other hand, oh my god I've got a boner what if a gurl sees it . So, my conundrum laid bare, I get it in my head that placing my binder over the top of it would be the most prudent course of action. This is a problem, however, as my binder is underneath my chair, and thus reaching for it may attract attention. Not wanting to have the collective eyes of my peers burning a hole in my pants, nor wishing for my shame to be visible to all, I decide to make a grab for the messianic notebook with quiet grace and celerity. Unfortunately, this earns the attention of no less than two of my classmates. Classmate #1: pretty girl that I'd thought about asking out a number of times, but ultimately failed to muster the courage to do so at every opportunity. Classmate #2: dude who would later become a good friend of mine, despite the awkwardness of this incident. Now, when I say it earned their attention, I mean they both stopped taking notes, looked up, and got an eyeful of Sir Abraham Lincoln Thundercougarfalconbird. Girl classmate got all wide-eyed and put her hand to her mouth. Guy classmate got all bug-eyed and let his jaw hit the floor, probably without realizing it. His eyes were literally twice the size of hers, once he'd gotten a good look.
Now, the saving grace of all this is that I managed to get the binder on my lap without enticing further onlookers, but couldn't shake the eyes of the two voyeurs I had already acquired for the rest of the class. After the class was over, I quickly packed my things and speed walked towards the nearest exit, only to have Girl classmate tug on my shirt and introduce herself, a big, shit-eating grin plastered across her face. We chatted for a bit and I got her number, but as I turned to leave I looked up for a moment and noticed that Guy classmate was still staring at me, eyes wide and full of awe or possibly abject horror. Needless to say, once we did get around to talking to one another again, it was kinda awkward. I believe the conversation was as follows, verbatim:
Me: "So, [mutual friend] tells me you and I have a lot in common."
Him: "I know one thing we don't have in common."
Me: "Oh? What's that?"
Him: "Whale schlong."
Me:
Also I feel it prudent to mention that I am now banging Girl classmate on a regular basis, and it is glorious. Male classmate is still marveling at the size of my penis, so far as I know.
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DynagripBreak me a million heartsHoustonRegistered User, ClubPAregular
edited January 2008
Yeah, that sure is a strange and embarrassing moment. Maybe you should make an H/A thread about it too.
Yeah, that sure is a strange and embarrassing moment. Maybe you should make an H/A thread about it too.
It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't get the occational joke about it every now and again from the theater people. This only adds weight to my assertion that theater people are cliquish, gossipy, and incestuous.
Yeah, that sure is a strange and embarrassing moment. Maybe you should make an H/A thread about it too.
What? You've never heard of Huge Dicks Anonymous? The harrowing tales of having a huge schlong displayed to a girl who you're not banging regularly? Yeah, I'd be humiliated and embarassed to.
God I hate you Hacksaw.
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HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
This was when I lived in a really tiny room, 6 feet square, so I'd usually offer people the (extra small) single bed while I slept on the floor. It was very cramped.
I was finishing up some work while my friend slept. I had my nose buried deep in a book when I heard a rustling of covers and shallow breathing coming from the bed.
He was quite clearly masturbating, but I wasn't sure whether he was awake or not. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he was sleeping...surely he wouldn't be going at it when I was less than a foot away?
I never said anything, of course. If he was doing it automatically he'd just be hideously embarrassed. If he wasn't, then he'd be equally embarrassed that I knew. But, awkward.
This was when I lived in a really tiny room, 6 feet square, so I'd usually offer people the (extra small) single bed while I slept on the floor. It was very cramped.
I was finishing up some work while my friend slept. I had my nose buried deep in a book when I heard a rustling of covers and shallow breathing coming from the bed.
He was quite clearly masturbating, but I wasn't sure whether he was awake or not. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he was sleeping...surely he wouldn't be going at it when I was less than a foot away?
I never said anything, of course. If he was doing it automatically he'd just be hideously embarrassed. If he wasn't, then he'd be equally embarrassed that I knew. But, awkward.
How old was he at the time? Not that it makes any difference, but I am curious nonetheless.
This lovely story happened all of...15 minutes ago.
Today is my dad's birthday, so as a treat, my mom, boyfriend and I took him out to dinner. We ate, talked, and had a great time, however, as we got into the car, my boyfriend exclaimed that he should have gone to the bathroom in the restaurant, but he can wait until we got home. Alright, I thought nothing of it, and we continued on our way home.
On our way home, my mom decided she needed to go to the art supply store, so we stopped off by A.C. Moore, and my dad, boyfriend and I waited in the car until she was done. As we were waiting, I looked over and saw my boyfriend shifting uncomfortably. "I guess he really has to go" I thought.
We continue home, and I look over again, and I see my boyfriend shifting around again, and making these unholy grunting noises. Then suddenly I see his eyes widen, and he tells my dad to pull the car over right now.
My mom tosses something for him to wipe with, and he runs down an embankment to take the loudest fucking shit I've ever heard.
Not only that, but the thing my mom gave him to wipe with? It was a Kotex pad that she had in the glove compartment. Also, as he was running down the embankment to do his business, she yelled out the window "BE SURE NOT TO USE THE STICKY SIDE!"
Posts
...wait, did I do that right?
Porn messages are BAD! But I'm not the type of guy to tatle-tale, if I got one.
But it's wrong!
...I actually don't know what this is about, I just want to be a part of something.
Enjoy the Vampire goth porn!
Whats that? Afraid we might see something we shouldn't? Huh, vampire?
Ok, now for the topic... Strange and embarrassing...
I went into work today wearing my Stitch polo shirt, making my wife giggle from her insane disney fetish. I get there, and there another 3 guys with disney polo's, one of which was Stitch. Boy was my face red, must have looked like a ripe ol' tomato.
They must know about your wife's Disney fetish too!
Zing!
HAHA WOW.
I BET IF THEIR BOSS FOUND OUT THEY'D HAVE TO BE FIRED.
OUT OF A CANNON!
If she (or correctly, her lawyer) can put the pieces together, you bet. Look up "hostile workplace" sometime.
You forgot "into the sun".
Damnit, people, get your pop culture references right the first time!
that was weird
It was weird. I can only imagine I must've looked ridiculous to everyone in the meeting as it occurred to me. I stumbled over what I was saying, shook it off, and went on normally. Very strange.
Today in class some idiot was texting while the professor was talking. The professor made his way around the class, came up to the texter, stopped and said, "Tell Jill she's a slut."
It was somewhat counterproductive as it took quite a while for everyone to stop laughing.
STEAM
My choir director once took a girl's cellphone because people kept calling her in class. He would answer it and just start chatting to them. They found it very awkward.
And the girl never turned off her phone in school because...
In the opening week of my Stage Tech class, we sat in chairs on the stage during class. The configuration of the chairs was such that we were arranged in a semi circle. I was sitting on the far left end one day when all of a sudden Mighty Kong (my penis) decided to awaken, much to my surprise and chagrin. Now, those of you who've been around here long enough probably know that I've talked about my dick more than once, specifically relating to its size. Well, one of the drawbacks of having a large unit is that it's logistically unfeasible to wear pants that range from tight to snug. On this particular morning, I, having no other options because I was being a lazy shit that week and neglecting to do my laundry, decided in my infinite wisdom to wear my snug, dark blue jeans to class that day. I reasoned with myself that I should wear the jeans instead of my sweat pants because I didn't have any shirts to go along with the sweats. Oh what a mistake this turned out to be (sort of).
So, now in class, my little soldier standing at attention, I'm in a situation. On the one hand, I've got a big donger, so it's not like I've got anything to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. On the other hand, oh my god I've got a boner what if a gurl sees it
Now, the saving grace of all this is that I managed to get the binder on my lap without enticing further onlookers, but couldn't shake the eyes of the two voyeurs I had already acquired for the rest of the class. After the class was over, I quickly packed my things and speed walked towards the nearest exit, only to have Girl classmate tug on my shirt and introduce herself, a big, shit-eating grin plastered across her face. We chatted for a bit and I got her number, but as I turned to leave I looked up for a moment and noticed that Guy classmate was still staring at me, eyes wide and full of awe or possibly abject horror. Needless to say, once we did get around to talking to one another again, it was kinda awkward. I believe the conversation was as follows, verbatim:
Me: "So, [mutual friend] tells me you and I have a lot in common."
Him: "I know one thing we don't have in common."
Me: "Oh? What's that?"
Him: "Whale schlong."
Me:
Also I feel it prudent to mention that I am now banging Girl classmate on a regular basis, and it is glorious. Male classmate is still marveling at the size of my penis, so far as I know.
Pics or it didn't happen.
STEAM
What did that message say?
"I hope you get your phone taken up."
My friend saw his ex in an Adult Friend Finder popup.
What? You've never heard of Huge Dicks Anonymous? The harrowing tales of having a huge schlong displayed to a girl who you're not banging regularly? Yeah, I'd be humiliated and embarassed to.
God I hate you Hacksaw.
Certainly gets my junk right back to its dormant state.
...shudder, I never did get why they didn't credit her in the film version of The Shining...
This was when I lived in a really tiny room, 6 feet square, so I'd usually offer people the (extra small) single bed while I slept on the floor. It was very cramped.
I was finishing up some work while my friend slept. I had my nose buried deep in a book when I heard a rustling of covers and shallow breathing coming from the bed.
He was quite clearly masturbating, but I wasn't sure whether he was awake or not. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he was sleeping...surely he wouldn't be going at it when I was less than a foot away?
I never said anything, of course. If he was doing it automatically he'd just be hideously embarrassed. If he wasn't, then he'd be equally embarrassed that I knew. But, awkward.
How old was he at the time? Not that it makes any difference, but I am curious nonetheless.
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2733073
Man, that's creepy.
Today is my dad's birthday, so as a treat, my mom, boyfriend and I took him out to dinner. We ate, talked, and had a great time, however, as we got into the car, my boyfriend exclaimed that he should have gone to the bathroom in the restaurant, but he can wait until we got home. Alright, I thought nothing of it, and we continued on our way home.
On our way home, my mom decided she needed to go to the art supply store, so we stopped off by A.C. Moore, and my dad, boyfriend and I waited in the car until she was done. As we were waiting, I looked over and saw my boyfriend shifting uncomfortably. "I guess he really has to go" I thought.
We continue home, and I look over again, and I see my boyfriend shifting around again, and making these unholy grunting noises. Then suddenly I see his eyes widen, and he tells my dad to pull the car over right now.
My mom tosses something for him to wipe with, and he runs down an embankment to take the loudest fucking shit I've ever heard.
Not only that, but the thing my mom gave him to wipe with? It was a Kotex pad that she had in the glove compartment. Also, as he was running down the embankment to do his business, she yelled out the window "BE SURE NOT TO USE THE STICKY SIDE!"
Check out my art! Buy some prints!
This is my new motto.