I'm not going to provide a lot of context, just give the framework because I think my question is pretty answerable without a lot of context. The ultimate question is near the bottom.
I'm nearing 40. The friend in question is mid-40s. I feel stupid even talking about this at this age, but it is what it is.
I've known this friend for 10-12 years now I guess. She's always been a drama-magnet, which I was kind of blind to in the beginning and then eventually just accepted and dealt with on a case by case basis. By "drama magnet," I mean that she tends to have issues with lots of people, years after being friends with them. We ran in a lot of the same social circles (in fact, to her credit, she introduced me to many of her friends and acquaintances which have separately become my friends and acquaintances). Over time, many of these friends and acquaintances dropped her ass from their lives due to the aforementioned drama magnetism. I remained either acquaintances or friends or whatever with them in many cases. In some cases, these people just remained Facebook contacts with me, not real friends, just there in my list.
Over the years, this friend would often make comments like "why are you still friends with this person?" or "oh I saw you liked [That Person's] photo, you know she's a [disparaging comment] right?" or "you wished [Soandso] a happy birthday?! Do you know what he did to me [this one time]?"
Over and over and over.
Now I'm not a fan of victim blaming so I'm typically very concerned when someone puts forth X, Y, and Z situation. Usually nothing serious, but always an anecdote of someone being shitty to her for X, Y, or Z reason. Over and over and over, ad nauseum. But there's a pattern with this friend being the one constant.
I would either deflect or whatever. I'm not going to stop talking to someone or delete someone from social medium that hasn't done anything to me personally.
Anyway, this has now transmuted into the occasional request to what I personally feel is spying. Numerous people that used to be a part of her life have blocked her from social medium. Every few months, this friend will ask me stuff like "I heard Soandso got engaged, did she post anything on FB about it, I think I'm blocked." And she's asked me investigative questions like that for many people.
Today, after blowing off my birthday party 4 months ago after asking me about someone else's private Facebook photos and I was not very responsive (which I feel is the reason she didn't come), she messages me saying that Soandso had a baby and asked me if I could send her a photo of Soandso's baby from Soandso's Facebook
To me, this is many levels of wrong. Without weighting this down with my reasons, I'm curious if others agree, or what? Am I overthinking?
[wow, I just got the worst sense of deja vu in posting this]