first date ever

HalberdBlue · November 2006

Hey Advice forum.

I'm 17, and have never had a girlfriend before. I've always figured that it was because I've never really felt attracted to any of the girls at my school. Its not that I'm gay or anything, I just never felt attracted. I've gotten along pretty well with a girl that I sit near in my 6th hour (lets call her Jane) and we started flirting a couple of weeks ago. I do feel an attraction to Jane, though. Today she stood really close to me (right up against me) when there was really no reason for her to do so, so I thought "What the hell" and after class I asked her to a movie on Saturday. She said yes

Woo-hoo!

So I asked my dad if he had any advice. "Be yourself" and "Do you need any money?" was pretty much all he had to say. Gee thanks. I am not feeling all that nervous, which is surprising to myself. I'm more excited than anything. So I'm asking you H&A, for any advice you may have for my first date ever.

If it helps any, here is some miscellaneous info: She is 16, I'm 17. I'm looking for a job right now but am currently unemployed, so am a little short on cash (have about $50 in the bank, and thats it). I'm usually bad at coming up with things to talk about but once a conversation starts going I often have a hard time stopping myself from talking. I don't really know a lot about her other than we are good at making random pseudo-witty observations about the happenings in class so I should be able to ask her about herself

She likes to say "you're weird olol"

Thanks ahead of time H&A

I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up · November 2006

always always always hold the door open.

I know girls that won't leave the car unless you do. it's very rude to just walk in.

also don't let her pay.

tony_important · November 2006

if you're in the theater, just sit and people watch for a bit.

My girlfriend and I did this when we first started dating...
we kind of poked fun of the goings on, random people...

It's fun, just don't tread too far into areas of bad humour.

sure, it sounds shallow, but it's fun.

Recoil42 · November 2006

Where are you from? Big city, or small town?

Also, the chivalry hold-the-door-open I've found isn't right for every couple, for every situation... some women feel independent, and get insulted when you do it, others love it.... really, the best advice really is to be yourself, because if a woman doesn't like the way you operate, she's not for you.

My absolute best advice for you: Don't let her decide on things because you don't want to offend her, or say something wrong. I learned this one the hard way, when you act at all.... indifferent, it's very unattractive. Go ahead, be confident, and show yourself for who you really are... go places you want to go, share your real interests. If she's for you, it'll work out, and if not, it won't. Don't worry about it.

HalberdBlue · November 2006

Middle of nowhere. Closest theatre is 35 minutes away from my house, heh.

I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up · November 2006

ooh then when you pick her up bring a variety of CDs. when she gets in the car ask what kind of music she likes, then put ina cd acordingly (set on a low volume) that way she won't feel awkward, and you'll have something to talk about on the way

HalberdBlue · November 2006

Oooh thats something I wouldn't have thought of. Pretty much all I own is death metal and then a little bit of classic rock so I'll have to borrow some of my Dad's CDs or something, heh.

I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up · November 2006

HalberdBlue wrote:

Oooh thats something I wouldn't have thought of. Pretty much all I own is death metal and then a little bit of classic rock so I'll have to borrow some of my Dad's CDs or something, heh.

I guess it really only works for people like me.

I have the most random collection of music ever.

ranging from WuTang to Paul Simon and Queen

contraband · November 2006

commie wrote:

always always always hold the door open.

I know girls that won't leave the car unless you do. it's very rude to just walk in.

also don't let her pay.

this, okay, is good advice i suppose. i just want to speak up and say that it's not always true. my girlfriend is a bit of a tomboy, maybe, but she refuses to let me pay for things. i've insisted, and she's insisted her point harder. which, you know, is fine with me.

Zeta · November 2006

Make her laugh, be confident (after all, you already know she has an interest in you), don't think about things too much, hold doors open, and just generally be social. Oh, and when she's talking to you, try to make an effort to look her in the eyes when appropriate (ie, don't stare at her while you are driving).

Zek · November 2006

You said you've gotten along well with her for a while now, right? Well then, what's the problem? Keep getting along well with her and you'll be fine. You're the only one who knows how you've been doing that. Don't feel pressured to meet some sort of mysterious standard - think about what you're trying to accomplish by doing this in the first place.

A-Rod · November 2006

I think your dad said all you need to know. Just relax, and have a good time. If you cant think about something to say, just talk about random stuff.....tv shows, concerts, other movies that the stars of the movie you watched were in....ect. Just dont make it feel like a big interview. Honestly just act like youve known her for ages.

Septus · November 2006

commie wrote:

always always always hold the door open.

I know girls that won't leave the car unless you do. it's very rude to just walk in.

also don't let her pay.

I'd say you definitely should hold open doors to buildings, but getting the car door for her is up to you. I consider that kind of old-fashioned, but by all means, if you don't mind it at all, do it.

Thanatos · November 2006

contraband wrote:

commie wrote:

always always always hold the door open.

I know girls that won't leave the car unless you do. it's very rude to just walk in.

also don't let her pay.

this, okay, is good advice i suppose. i just want to speak up and say that it's not always true. my girlfriend is a bit of a tomboy, maybe, but she refuses to let me pay for things. i've insisted, and she's insisted her point harder. which, you know, is fine with me.

If she insists, a good strategy is to offer a compromise of "I'll pay this time, you pay next time."

That helps to insure that there'll be a next time.

King Kong · November 2006

Saw this in a movie once, done it ever since and it's almost always been accurate.

When you open the car door for her and let her in see what she does. Does she just sit there once you shut the door or does she lean over and attempt to either unlock your door or "pop" it open?

Every woman I have ever dated who didn't attempt to let me in turned out to a pain in the ass one way or another.

EggyToast · November 2006

You've been yourself up until now, so follow your dad's advice. If you're enjoying yourself, say "I'm really enjoying myself." If you want to know what she's thinking about the date (like, after the movie), ask "So, what are you thinking about?"

Just because you're out on a date doesn't mean there's some specific 'date talk' that should go on. it's a chance for you to be together w/o school being too involved. So just have fun, and continue to be excited. That's all. Don't worry too much about the details.

Oh, and since it's a first date, it's not "weird" to say "this is actually my first date, and I had a lot of fun tonight. I think I'd like to kiss you, even though I've never done it before."

Septus · November 2006

Also, don't be afraid of the awkwardness of the first kiss(assuming it's not truly awful). You can just try your best to laugh at it and it's an endearing moment together.

ege02 · November 2006

Avoid the following common pitfalls:

Her: Where to now?
You: I don't know. What do you think?

If she asks you that question, it's because she wants you to make that decision.

Her: I left my jacket in the theater.
You: Let me go get it for you.

You're not her slave. Suggest you go back together instead.

You: Don't you love how...?
Her: Nah, I hate it.
You: Me too.

Don't agree with her just to please her. Don't be afraid to disagree, yet at the same time do not argue about it. Change the subject.

The rest is up to you.

Thanatos wrote:

If she insists, a good strategy is to offer a compromise of "I'll pay this time, you pay next time."

That helps to insure that there'll be a next time.

Than speaks the truth. This actually works such wonders it has become my default line on first dates.

Zonkytonkman · November 2006

EggyToast wrote:

Just because you're out on a date doesn't mean there's some specific 'date talk' that should go on.

this is pretty much exactly what i was going to say. You say that you two are great about making funny observations about other people in the class? This is perfect talk for when you're waiting for the movie to start. Just hang out with her and flirt a little bit. If you're not nervous then you're ahead of 98% of the game. You'll do fine.

I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up · November 2006

Zonkytonkman wrote:

EggyToast wrote:

Just because you're out on a date doesn't mean there's some specific 'date talk' that should go on.

this is pretty much exactly what i was going to say. You say that you two are great about making funny observations about other people in the class? This is perfect talk for when you're waiting for the movie to start. Just hang out with her and flirt a little bit. If you're not nervous then you're ahead of 98% of the game. You'll do fine.

but most importantly, and you have to think about this the whole date, don't set her on fire.

but seriously I agree with these guys

Look Out it's Sabs! · November 2006

ege02 wrote:

Thanatos wrote:

If she insists, a good strategy is to offer a compromise of "I'll pay this time, you pay next time."

That helps to insure that there'll be a next time.

Than speaks the truth. This actually works such wonders it has become my default line on first dates.

I do something similar with my girlfriend, sometimes she pays, sometimes I pay. Or it's either that I buy the tickets, she buys the food vice versa. Mainly keeping it even.

HalberdBlue · November 2006

Thanks for the advices so far : ) Now there is just the ages and ages until Saturday... Seems so far away now!

Look Out it's Sabs! · November 2006

HalberdBlue wrote:

Thanks for the advices so far : ) Now there is just the ages and ages until Saturday... Seems so far away now!

Oh I know exactly what your talking about. When I first started seeing my current girlfriend, it felt like such a long time whenever I had to wait to see her again, which was basically once week due to clashing schedules and an hour drive between us. But now that a couple of months have past, time goes by fast now and it isn't as unbearable as it first was.

chubs · November 2006

Am I the only one that thinks a movie does not make for a good first date? I mean, it offers barely any opportunities to talk or get to know eachother much, considering you will be sitting in silence most of the time. I think that it's a fine date once you get to know eachother better, though. Then again, I brought my current girlfriend to an all you can eat restaurant on our first date.

I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up · November 2006

chubs wrote:

Am I the only one that thinks a movie does not make for a good first date? I mean, it offers barely any opportunities to talk or get to know eachother much, considering you will be sitting in silence most of the time. I think that it's a fine date once you get to know eachother better, though. Then again, I brought my current girlfriend to an all you can eat restaurant.

it actually serves to ease first date tension a lot so you're not scrambling for words between awkward silences at a meal table.

ege02 · November 2006

chubs wrote:

Am I the only one that thinks a movie does not make for a good first date? I mean, it offers barely any opportunities to talk or get to know eachother much, considering you will be sitting in silence most of the time. I think that it's a fine date once you get to know eachother better, though. Then again, I brought my current girlfriend to an all you can eat restaurant on our first date.

I personally would never take my date to a movie on the first date. Like you said, your attentions are focused on something else instead of on each other. But it works for some people, and it's very traditional (which makes girls comfortable), so meh.

Look Out it's Sabs! · November 2006

Well my first date consisted of lots of stuff since it was most of the day, concert, playdium(big arcade type place incase some people don't know), went to a book store, watched a movie, and ended it by going to a park.

I guess it all depends on whether you do not know the person your going out with well or not.

VeritasVR · November 2006

ege02 wrote:

chubs wrote:

Am I the only one that thinks a movie does not make for a good first date? I mean, it offers barely any opportunities to talk or get to know eachother much, considering you will be sitting in silence most of the time. I think that it's a fine date once you get to know eachother better, though. Then again, I brought my current girlfriend to an all you can eat restaurant on our first date.

I personally would never take my date to a movie on the first date. Like you said, your attentions are focused on something else instead of on each other. But it works for some people, and it's very traditional (which makes girls comfortable), so meh.

I take them ice skating. Activity + fun/silly + talking = yes. And if they don't know how, it's a great "get-to-know-you" to show them.

I've been doing ice skating for a while so I don't fall (much). But ON PURPOSE I will take a spectacular dive at some point in the evening to lighten up the mood. Especially if she's not doing so well on her feet.

tony_important · November 2006

it depends on the movie.

if it is one that will end in you having stimulating conversation over a cup of coffee in the park, or at the coffee shop, you will have something common to discuss that will lead to other discussions.

if not, you could always talk about how great Scarlett Johanson's gazongas are. It's usually a topic that comes up at least once in somebody's lifetime.
please don't do this

Icemopper · November 2006

Saburbia wrote:

ege02 wrote:

Thanatos wrote:

If she insists, a good strategy is to offer a compromise of "I'll pay this time, you pay next time."

That helps to insure that there'll be a next time.

Than speaks the truth. This actually works such wonders it has become my default line on first dates.

I do something similar with my girlfriend, sometimes she pays, sometimes I pay. Or it's either that I buy the tickets, she buys the food vice versa. Mainly keeping it even.

Me and mine have set up a cool system based on points. We give each other points randomly in our days and whoever has more points wins, and drives, the loser pays. The points are based on whatever, but it makes it really fun, stupidly corny, and a good way to make her not feel like she's being spoiled, if she doesn't want that.

Corvus · November 2006

chubs wrote:

Am I the only one that thinks a movie does not make for a good first date? I mean, it offers barely any opportunities to talk or get to know eachother much, considering you will be sitting in silence most of the time. I think that it's a fine date once you get to know eachother better, though. Then again, I brought my current girlfriend to an all you can eat restaurant on our first date.

If you dont know the other person at all, then I could see a Movie not being a good idea, since you want to get to know each other a little.

It sounds like they already know each other a little, enough to make jokes together, so a movie is fine. And, unless the entirety of the date is going to the movie and then saying goodbye to each other, theres plenty of oppertunity for talking before and after the movie.

Poyndexter · November 2006

EggyToast wrote:

If you're enjoying yourself, say "I'm really enjoying myself."

If you want to know what she's thinking about the date (like, after the movie), ask "So, what are you thinking about?"

The first part is actually a pretty sound opener for that type of conversation.

But please, for the love of god, don't ask her what she's thinking about. That has to be one of the lamest things you can ask your date/SO. It show's mounds of insecurity on your part.

aesir · November 2006

yea, I agree with it seeming insecure when you ask what they're thinking about. Its as lame as fishing for compliments. I also really hate it when I get asked that...

EDIT: to add some advice, if you get really bored and dont know what to talk about, you can play the question game. One person asks a question, the other answers. Then the other asks a question, etc. Just ask interesting things

sirSolarius · November 2006

This is going to seem weird, but it's my awkward-situation conversation advice: keep asking questions until you have a story or something interesting to say.

Start with a question, like "what did you do last summer?" Keep asking about it, because you want her to talk and you to seem interested. Basically, you're stalling until you have something compelling to say.

"I spent the summer working and living with my grandparents."
"Where do they live?"
"DC"
"I just came back from DC! Blah blah blah"

or
"Are you close with them?"
"Yes/no"
"I really like my grandparents, but it's hard for me to get close to them blah blah blah"

You're almost always safe showing interest and wanting to know more about the other person, just be careful that you aren't making them exhausted by not contributing anything yourself.

MichaelLC · November 2006

commie wrote:

HalberdBlue wrote:

Oooh thats something I wouldn't have thought of. Pretty much all I own is death metal and then a little bit of classic rock so I'll have to borrow some of my Dad's CDs or something, heh.

I guess it really only works for people like me.

I have the most random collection of music ever.

ranging from WuTang to Paul Simon and Queen

I'll meet you with a Madonna, and raise you a Will Smith.

As for the OT, just be yourself. Unless she doesn't like that, then totally be fake.

No, just be yourself, and don't be afraid to say your opinion. If she says, "So want to get some coffee/food/absinthe," don't be all, "well, if you want, I mean...I don't care, but if you wanto to we can...it really doersn't matter to me..." Just suggest a place, and ask her if she's been there, or has a better place.

Gunstar · November 2006

It should be slammed into your head (if it hasn't already) that decisive-ness is key. I lost a girlfriend of 1-1/2 years because of it. Honestly, your date will do anything (i mean like, activities, non-sexual, perv) with you as long as it's with you, most likely, just come out and say it.

ElJeffe · November 2006

Gunstar wrote:

It should be slammed into your head (if it hasn't already) that decisive-ness is key. I lost a girlfriend of 1-1/2 years because of it. Honestly, your date will do anything (i mean like, activities, non-sexual, perv) with you as long as it's with you, most likely, just come out and say it.

This is likely true, but I would come up with maybe 3-4 after-movie things to do. Pick one, depending on what mood you two seem to be in. If she doesn't seem excited about it, suggest another one.

If she runs through the entire list and shits on them all, then take her home and tell her to stop being so goddamned picky.

DrZiplock · November 2006

King Kong wrote:

Saw this in a movie once, done it ever since and it's almost always been accurate.

When you open the car door for her and let her in see what she does. Does she just sit there once you shut the door or does she lean over and attempt to either unlock your door or "pop" it open?

Every woman I have ever dated who didn't attempt to let me in turned out to a pain in the ass one way or another.

Movie was "A Bronx Tale"

Great great movie.

Also, I do the same thing. Sage advice from, Sonny.

Jakx · November 2006

Avoid the following common pitfalls:

Her: Where to now?
You: I don't know. What do you think?

If she asks you that question, it's because she wants you to make that decision.

Her: I left my jacket in the theater.
You: Let me go get it for you.

You're not her slave. Suggest you go back together instead.

You: Don't you love how...?
Her: Nah, I hate it.
You: Me too.

Don't agree with her just to please her. Don't be afraid to disagree, yet at the same time do not argue about it. Change the subject.

The rest is up to you.

This is gold. It sums up a lot of problems in a few simple examples. I suggest you look this one over. I have seen whole relationships based on this. Its a little more complicated than suggested. So, yeah, read this one again.

holycrapawalrus · November 2006

commie wrote:

ooh then when you pick her up bring a variety of CDs. when she gets in the car ask what kind of music she likes, then put ina cd acordingly (set on a low volume) that way she won't feel awkward, and you'll have something to talk about on the way

Maybe it's just the women I know, but I've never met a girl who didn't like John Mayer or Death Cab For Cutie. I think either of those is a safe bet if you can't get a huge selection of music.

Chorazin · November 2006

commie wrote:

chubs wrote:

Am I the only one that thinks a movie does not make for a good first date? I mean, it offers barely any opportunities to talk or get to know eachother much, considering you will be sitting in silence most of the time. I think that it's a fine date once you get to know eachother better, though. Then again, I brought my current girlfriend to an all you can eat restaurant.

it actually serves to ease first date tension a lot so you're not scrambling for words between awkward silences at a meal table.

But at the table you can actually TALK, whereas it's a few hours of silence at your stare at a movie screen.

IMO, a movie is a terrible first date destination.

Penny Arcade

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