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  • autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    daveNYC wrote: »
    Dating advice tends to be about as useful as the following:
    Han Solo: Keep your distance though, Chewie…but don’t look like your tryin’ to keep your distance. I don’t know…fly casual.

    That's pretty much bullshit though. If you're pretending to be someone else, you're gonna get with someone who wants that someone else.

    kFJhXwE.jpgkFJhXwE.jpg
  • ButtersButters A glass of some milks Registered User regular
    Kyougu wrote: »
    Has anyone used Match.com?

    I signed up for it since they had a super cheap 6 month offer, and it's pretty much okay but with one big complaint.

    Anyone that I previously liked and messaged still shows up on my discovery queque, and worse if I go to message them from there it doesn't show any previous messages.

    So i'm finding that I'm messaging a woman, get no response, she pops back in my queque and then I message her again, which I have to believe is annoying for her and not a good look on me.

    Anyone know if it can be disabled?

    Match.com exists for you to spend money not meet people. Everything about it is designed to make it look like there are more people active on it than there actually are. It's been two years since I've used OK Cupid (which I met my fiance on) and it's unfortunately owned by the same parent company BUT back then it was essentially the same product it has always been and I'd recommend it over Match.

    PSN: idontworkhere582 | CFN: idontworkhere | Steam: lordbutters | Amazon Wishlist
  • IncenjucarIncenjucar VChatter Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    daveNYC wrote: »
    Dating advice tends to be about as useful as the following:
    Han Solo: Keep your distance though, Chewie…but don’t look like your tryin’ to keep your distance. I don’t know…fly casual.

    That's pretty much bullshit though. If you're pretending to be someone else, you're gonna get with someone who wants that someone else.

    There's a bit of balance there...

    Too much information up front can be overwhelming and intimidating, or difficult to communicate, or thanks to jerks assumed to be an act or an outright lie.

  • autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    Incenjucar wrote: »
    daveNYC wrote: »
    Dating advice tends to be about as useful as the following:
    Han Solo: Keep your distance though, Chewie…but don’t look like your tryin’ to keep your distance. I don’t know…fly casual.

    That's pretty much bullshit though. If you're pretending to be someone else, you're gonna get with someone who wants that someone else.

    There's a bit of balance there...

    Too much information up front can be overwhelming and intimidating, or difficult to communicate, or thanks to jerks assumed to be an act or an outright lie.

    Well, that's true. I mean it sounds like an empty phrase, but.. relaxing is the point. If you want to find someone that accepts you they way you are, you need to be that way up front.

    If you don't like the way you are, you need to change! But that's on you, your self worth should never depend on someone else, because that desperation is palpable to most people.

    You need a bit of a thicker skin though, because this will lead to "rejection" - But only in the sense that you will get to the end result faster, and more honestly.

    And that's actually much better in the long run, for you and your partner. In the cold, logical view, you won't get hung up on relationships that don't work.

    Of course, it's a thing in our society that we crave long term relationships, but that probably should never be the sole goal (unless that's what you're into it..)

    kFJhXwE.jpgkFJhXwE.jpg
  • IncenjucarIncenjucar VChatter Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    Communication is always imperfect, and everyone has hangups and anxieties. A lot of people are terrified of dating amazing people because they assume that amazing people have crazy standards.

    So if you lead with showing off your Nobel Prize, your Pullitzer, and your belly dancing championship belt they may just nope the hell out even if you were wondering how soon would be too soon to pop the question.

  • Hexmage-PAHexmage-PA Registered User regular
    edited July 2019
    Incenjucar wrote: »
    daveNYC wrote: »
    Dating advice tends to be about as useful as the following:
    Han Solo: Keep your distance though, Chewie…but don’t look like your tryin’ to keep your distance. I don’t know…fly casual.

    That's pretty much bullshit though. If you're pretending to be someone else, you're gonna get with someone who wants that someone else.

    There's a bit of balance there...

    Too much information up front can be overwhelming and intimidating, or difficult to communicate, or thanks to jerks assumed to be an act or an outright lie.

    Well, that's true. I mean it sounds like an empty phrase, but.. relaxing is the point. If you want to find someone that accepts you they way you are, you need to be that way up front.

    If you don't like the way you are, you need to change! But that's on you, your self worth should never depend on someone else, because that desperation is palpable to most people.

    You need a bit of a thicker skin though, because this will lead to "rejection" - But only in the sense that you will get to the end result faster, and more honestly.

    And that's actually much better in the long run, for you and your partner. In the cold, logical view, you won't get hung up on relationships that don't work.

    Of course, it's a thing in our society that we crave long term relationships, but that probably should never be the sole goal (unless that's what you're into it..)

    I'm trying to keep this in mind myself. In two days I'm going to go meet up in person with someone I've been talking to for about a month now, and I've been trying to be more honest about who I am and what I like. Honestly it's kinda anxiety-inducing and sometimes I get off the phone worrying that something I said might have been off-putting and unattractive to her. For example, just now I was trying to tell her about the movie What We Do in the Shadows, specifically a certain joke from the movie, and since she didn't find it funny now I'm sitting here like "fuck, I shouldn't have even said anything."

    So far, though, she hasn't cancelled on me. That's a positive at least. If things don't work out at least I've faced my fears and maybe it'll help me be more comfortable being authentic.

    Hexmage-PA on
  • autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    Hexmage-PA wrote: »
    Incenjucar wrote: »
    daveNYC wrote: »
    Dating advice tends to be about as useful as the following:
    Han Solo: Keep your distance though, Chewie…but don’t look like your tryin’ to keep your distance. I don’t know…fly casual.

    That's pretty much bullshit though. If you're pretending to be someone else, you're gonna get with someone who wants that someone else.

    There's a bit of balance there...

    Too much information up front can be overwhelming and intimidating, or difficult to communicate, or thanks to jerks assumed to be an act or an outright lie.

    Well, that's true. I mean it sounds like an empty phrase, but.. relaxing is the point. If you want to find someone that accepts you they way you are, you need to be that way up front.

    If you don't like the way you are, you need to change! But that's on you, your self worth should never depend on someone else, because that desperation is palpable to most people.

    You need a bit of a thicker skin though, because this will lead to "rejection" - But only in the sense that you will get to the end result faster, and more honestly.

    And that's actually much better in the long run, for you and your partner. In the cold, logical view, you won't get hung up on relationships that don't work.

    Of course, it's a thing in our society that we crave long term relationships, but that probably should never be the sole goal (unless that's what you're into it..)

    I'm trying to keep this in mind myself. In two days I'm going to go meet up in person with someone I've been talking to for about a month now, and I've been trying to be more honest about who I am and what I like. Honestly it's kinda anxiety-inducing and sometimes I get off the phone worrying that something I said might have been off-putting and unattractive to her. For example, just now I was trying to tell her about the movie What We Do in the Shadows, specifically a certain joke from the movie, and since she didn't find it funny now I'm sitting her like "fuck, I shouldn't have even said anything."

    So far, at least, she hasn't cancelled on me, so that's a positive at least.

    Just enjoy yourself. People notice if you're having fun, and like it. From there, it can go in any direction, it's no safe guarantee or anything. But have fun, and worst case? You had a fun evening with someone you didn't connect with.

    Best case is so worth it

    kFJhXwE.jpgkFJhXwE.jpg
  • Hexmage-PAHexmage-PA Registered User regular
    edited August 2019
    Well I just got back from going to visit the girl I'd been talking to. She said I was very sweet and kind but that the "vibe" we had while texting was better than it was when we were together in person, that we didn't have any chemistry.

    I'm dreading going into work in the morning because I'm sure I'll be dwelling on this all day. Even worse, my therapist is out of town next week so I won't be able to talk with her about this for two weeks.

    EDIT: I've been at work for a few hours now and, while I am thinking about it, I feel a lot more calm than I expected. Maybe it's because she actually told me how she felt instead of ghosting me like the last two women I dated did. I'm glad for this, at least.

    Hexmage-PA on
  • Shazkar ShadowstormShazkar Shadowstorm Registered User regular
    Just be like me and go on lots of first and second dates and then be numb to it because who cares nothing will ever work out lol

    (On either my end or the other persons end)

    poo
  • CowSharkCowShark Registered User regular
    edited August 2019
    Just be like me and go on lots of first and second dates and then be numb to it because who cares nothing will ever work out lol

    (On either my end or the other persons end)

    Dating new people sucks forever, but if it works well once, that experience will by and large make up for going through the shit for a long time.

    CowShark on
  • KoopahTroopahKoopahTroopah The koopas, the troopas. Philadelphia, PARegistered User regular
    CowShark wrote: »
    Just be like me and go on lots of first and second dates and then be numb to it because who cares nothing will ever work out lol

    (On either my end or the other persons end)

    Dating new people sucks forever, but if it works well once, that experience will by and large make up for going through the shit for a long time.

    Can confirm. Was stuck dating off and on for the better part of 4 years, almost at the one year anniversary after a match from OKCupid. Things do eventually get better.

  • CorvusCorvus . VancouverRegistered User regular
    Hey peeps, just popping in with another reminder that this stuff can work out for you. When I was doing this, I was just about to take a break as I was getting ground down by the emotional toll of the process.

    Went on one more date, and eight years later we've been together ever since, married for five years, got a three year old kid and on our second home purchased together.

    Dating is hard, and taking breaks is healthy if you're getting worn down by it, but the rewards are pretty awesome.

    :so_raven:
  • Hexmage-PAHexmage-PA Registered User regular
    edited August 2019
    I'm concerned because of one of the two comments I get from women I date fairly often:

    1) That I'm sweet.
    2) That I'm weird.

    Regarding the latter, I had one woman call me "awkward weird", another say as she was breaking up with me that she had mental health problems and that she figured something was "off" with me as well, and the woman I just came back from visiting after having spent a month texting went from texting that she was crushing on me hard to saying I was "kinda weird" multiple times during the date to saying that the vibe she got from me when we were texting was very different from the vibe she got from me on our date.

    Honestly I also get the impression that I come off as more confident and less weird when I've been drinking. I intentionally didn't drink during my most recent date, but now I'm wondering how things would have went if I had.

    Hexmage-PA on
  • Steel AngelSteel Angel Registered User regular
    Hexmage-PA wrote: »
    I'm concerned because of one of the two comments I get from women I date fairly often:

    1) That I'm sweet.
    2) That I'm weird.

    Regarding the latter, I had one woman call me "awkward weird", another say as she was breaking up with me that she had mental health problems and that she figured something was "off" with me as well, and the woman I just came back from visiting after having spent a month texting went from texting that she was crushing on me hard to saying I was "kinda weird" multiple times during the date to saying that the vibe she got from me when we were texting was very different from the vibe she got from me on our date.

    Honestly I also get the impression that I come off as more confident and less weird when I've been drinking. I intentionally didn't drink during my most recent date, but now I'm wondering how things would have went if I had.

    Eh, if they don't like you when you're sober they're probably not a great fit for you.

    Keep trying and you might find someone who is weird in a compatible way with you.

    Big Dookie wrote: »
    I found that tilting it doesn't work very well, and once I started jerking it, I got much better results.

    Steam Profile
    3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
  • daveNYCdaveNYC Why universe hate Waspinator? Registered User regular
    Unless you have a plan to spend the majority of the rest of your life drunk I’d say keep on with the whole sober first date thing.

    Shut up, Mr. Burton! You were not brought upon this world to get it!
  • khainkhain Registered User regular
    The difference between something being weird and being cute is the person liking you so I don't think I'd take those comments very seriously.

  • Lord_AsmodeusLord_Asmodeus goeticSobriquet: Here is your magical cryptic riddle-tumour: I AM A TIME MACHINERegistered User regular
    I can't decide if it's worse to get no likes for an extended period or to periodically get likes exclusively from bots linking to Instagram profiles.

    Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if Labor had not first existed. Labor is superior to capital, and deserves much the higher consideration. - Lincoln
  • BrainleechBrainleech 機知に富んだコメントはここにあります Registered User regular
    Kyougu wrote: »
    Has anyone used Match.com?

    I signed up for it since they had a super cheap 6 month offer, and it's pretty much okay but with one big complaint.

    Anyone that I previously liked and messaged still shows up on my discovery queque, and worse if I go to message them from there it doesn't show any previous messages.

    So i'm finding that I'm messaging a woman, get no response, she pops back in my queque and then I message her again, which I have to believe is annoying for her and not a good look on me.

    Anyone know if it can be disabled?

    I sadly have used match
    As it was said earlier it's the same company that owns many dating sites and other companies IAC
    But back to my sad tale of dating I feel most of the women on Match are dead pages they join get the ugly messages and leave or find it was not worth it
    as I have been asked on OKC and match for some really crazy stuff like did I know where to get blood? If I was up for being a 3rd far too many times if I was up to pregnant his wife {they really wanted me to} and more and more crazy stuff

  • TOGSolidTOGSolid Drunk sailor Seattle, WashingtonRegistered User regular
    edited September 2019
    So, I'm trying to get back into all of this in an effort to be less of a shut in and all that and am quickly being reminded why I gave up in the first place. Nothing has really changed, it's still just a sea of "friends, family, hiking, traveling" profiles I have to wade through to try and find people that seem vaguely interesting and those are few and far between. Then, when I do get a match I try to show interest by asking more about them based on what read/notice in pictures but then they offer nothing in return.

    This shit is just depressing and anxiety triggering and I'd like it not to be but idk how.

    TOGSolid on
    wWuzwvJ.png
  • Steel AngelSteel Angel Registered User regular
    TOGSolid wrote: »
    So, I'm trying to get back into all of this in an effort to be less of a shut in and all that and am quickly being reminded why I gave up in the first place. Nothing has really changed, it's still just a sea of "friends, family, hiking, traveling" profiles I have to wade through to try and find people that seem vaguely interesting and those are few and far between. Then, when I do get a match I try to show interest by asking more about them based on what read/notice in pictures but then they offer nothing in return.

    This shit is just depressing and anxiety triggering and I'd like it not to be but idk how.

    That's being a bit disingenuous . . . rock climbing is now in the mix too.

    Also pictures in front of wall murals with wings. And there's this one room that's white with paint splatters that keeps showing up in photos that I'm not sure is regional or there's a a new fad of making rooms that look like an art student who also moonlights as a serial killer going on.

    Big Dookie wrote: »
    I found that tilting it doesn't work very well, and once I started jerking it, I got much better results.

    Steam Profile
    3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
  • KyouguKyougu Registered User regular
    edited September 2019
    I actually got a couple matches this week and the conversation (or lack of it) drove me crazy and made me glad I never match up with anyone.

    Like @TOGSolid said, it's one way street of asking questions based on their profile and having nothing asked about me.

    It's shocking how it seems people don't know how to hold conversation.

    EDIT: I actually debated putting something on my profile about how if we're going to message I expect same level of interest/questions but not sure how to word it properly.

    Kyougu on
  • Steel AngelSteel Angel Registered User regular
    Kyougu wrote: »
    I actually got a couple matches this week and the conversation (or lack of it) drove me crazy and made me glad I never match up with anyone.

    Like TOGSolid said, it's one way street of asking questions based on their profile and having nothing asked about me.

    It's shocking how it seems people don't know how to hold conversation.

    It's less shocking when you remember it's internet dating.

    Big Dookie wrote: »
    I found that tilting it doesn't work very well, and once I started jerking it, I got much better results.

    Steam Profile
    3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
  • EchoEcho ski-bap ba-dapModerator mod
    There was this person I was chatting with on and off. I'd write two-three sentences, all I'd get back was "ok" or "nice", no questions. So I just kind of let that fade away.

    Three weeks later, a question out of the blue! So I write two-three sentences.

    "ok"

  • ButtersButters A glass of some milks Registered User regular
    Echo wrote: »
    There was this person I was chatting with on and off. I'd write two-three sentences, all I'd get back was "ok" or "nice", no questions. So I just kind of let that fade away.

    Three weeks later, a question out of the blue! So I write two-three sentences.

    "ok"

    I'd say toss this person's future messages in the trash. You shouldn't expect people to necessarily be as talkative as you but conversations need to be a two way street and this person's clearly are not.

    PSN: idontworkhere582 | CFN: idontworkhere | Steam: lordbutters | Amazon Wishlist
  • ZekZek Registered User regular
    Kyougu wrote: »
    I actually got a couple matches this week and the conversation (or lack of it) drove me crazy and made me glad I never match up with anyone.

    Like @TOGSolid said, it's one way street of asking questions based on their profile and having nothing asked about me.

    It's shocking how it seems people don't know how to hold conversation.

    EDIT: I actually debated putting something on my profile about how if we're going to message I expect same level of interest/questions but not sure how to word it properly.

    Not bothering to ask anything in return is an instant deal breaker for me, I won't message them again if their first reply does that. I've tried giving those people the benefit of the doubt on many occasions to see if they catch on, but they don't. More often than not it won't even lead to a date, because they just don't care that much.

  • BobbleBobble Registered User regular
    Echo wrote: »
    There was this person I was chatting with on and off. I'd write two-three sentences, all I'd get back was "ok" or "nice", no questions. So I just kind of let that fade away.

    Three weeks later, a question out of the blue! So I write two-three sentences.

    "ok"

    If you were otherwise really interested and have plenty of free time, you might just ask to grab coffee or a drink and if they put it off, then write them off. Some people are terrible at conversation on apps.

    If your time is a little more precious or you were only kind of interested to start with, then yeah I wouldn't bother.

  • Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    I'll admit I'm a bit guilty of bring talkative at first but falling off. It doesn't help that on a dating app you can be talking to multiple people at once. Typically if things go well, I ask for their number or Snapchat for easier communication. Things still fall apart sometimes. Communication is hard, especially when people have busy lives.

    Also sometimes I go hard on dating apps for a few days, then get caught up in work or some side things, and never look at it again. Life be hard, yo.

  • AistanAistan Tiny Bat Registered User regular
    TOGSolid wrote: »
    So, I'm trying to get back into all of this in an effort to be less of a shut in and all that and am quickly being reminded why I gave up in the first place. Nothing has really changed, it's still just a sea of "friends, family, hiking, traveling" profiles I have to wade through to try and find people that seem vaguely interesting and those are few and far between. Then, when I do get a match I try to show interest by asking more about them based on what read/notice in pictures but then they offer nothing in return.

    This shit is just depressing and anxiety triggering and I'd like it not to be but idk how.

    That's being a bit disingenuous . . . rock climbing is now in the mix too.

    Also pictures in front of wall murals with wings. And there's this one room that's white with paint splatters that keeps showing up in photos that I'm not sure is regional or there's a a new fad of making rooms that look like an art student who also moonlights as a serial killer going on.

    Seattle has a wall covered in gum, a room with a glass floor in the corner, and that upside-down spiderman at the pop culture museum.

  • TOGSolidTOGSolid Drunk sailor Seattle, WashingtonRegistered User regular
    edited September 2019
    Hah, I actually ran out of potential matches on Bumble because it's 99.99% basic Seattle girl and I've got zero interest in them. The app was just straight up like "we got nothing unless you drop a couple filters" and my couple filters are "no kids" and "liberal."

    I'd be mad but that's actually just kinda fucking funny.

    TOGSolid on
    wWuzwvJ.png
  • halkunhalkun Registered User regular
    Did something happen with OKC very recently? I'm A+ and I have a wide open search (Woman who are interested in men ages [+/- 10 years my age] located within 25 miles of me online within the last month) and it's coming up with absolutely no matches. Now I know I live in a dead spot between two major cities but I used to have at least ~100 matches before. Also If I go to double take, there are people currently online who fit my criteria there. Are they getting rid of search all together?

  • IncenjucarIncenjucar VChatter Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    TOGSolid wrote: »
    Hah, I actually ran out of potential matches on Bumble because it's 99.99% basic Seattle girl and I've got zero interest in them. The app was just straight up like "we got nothing unless you drop a couple filters" and my couple filters are "no kids" and "liberal."

    I'd be mad but that's actually just kinda fucking funny.

    I'm in the same boat. Deleted the app a day or two ago after a several months. An app where women reach out first is not super helpful in a city where women are too scared to make eye contact on the street.

  • BlarghyBlarghy Registered User regular
    One thing that I found that really, really improved the online dating experience for me is to simply not read profiles. This may seem counterintuitive, but if you're getting in your own head about the people you match with (either rejecting too much or getting too attached to a profile that never messages you back), then not reading and just going out without whomever can be extremely liberating. You'll meet people who you never thought could be interesting.

  • IncenjucarIncenjucar VChatter Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    Blarghy wrote: »
    One thing that I found that really, really improved the online dating experience for me is to simply not read profiles. This may seem counterintuitive, but if you're getting in your own head about the people you match with (either rejecting too much or getting too attached to a profile that never messages you back), then not reading and just going out without whomever can be extremely liberating. You'll meet people who you never thought could be interesting.

    I'm at the stage where my metric is "if they wanted a kiss would I frown?". Though after filtering for evil.

  • AistanAistan Tiny Bat Registered User regular
    I read the profile just to make sure there's not an active deal breaker but other than that I try not to limit myself. Sure I'll probably be too boring to someone who skis and hikes all the time and spends half the day at the gym, but that's on their side to say no thanks to.

    Which is why I never get matches I assume.

  • TOGSolidTOGSolid Drunk sailor Seattle, WashingtonRegistered User regular
    edited September 2019
    Well...huh...I finally saw someone who appears super rad but now I'm racking my brain as to what exactly I should ask about cause the basic interests overlap a bunch and apparently they're Pacific Rim fans too. I'm confronted by a wealth of potential options as opposed to the usual opposite problem >_>

    TOGSolid on
    wWuzwvJ.png
  • BobbleBobble Registered User regular
    edited September 2019
    TOGSolid wrote: »
    Well...huh...I finally saw someone who appears super rad but now I'm racking my brain as to what exactly I should ask about cause the basic interests overlap a bunch and apparently they're Pacific Rim fans too. I'm confronted by a wealth of potential options as opposed to the usual opposite problem >_>

    What would they name their Jeager?

    Bobble on
  • TOGSolidTOGSolid Drunk sailor Seattle, WashingtonRegistered User regular
    edited September 2019
    Idk, that, and basically every other potential message just seems so shallow and bleh. I think my problem is IRL when I do connect to someone it's via actual conversations that happen naturally. I never just approach people and try to make small talk or just outright ask someone for a date so the entire concept of internet dating just seems alien to me. Course, my other problem is that I'm not exactly meeting anyone the way I used to either ever since I moved to Seattle and my Meetup apparently hates my two weeks on/two weeks off work schedule cause everything seems to happen when I'm at work so I'm kinda just sitting here like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    TOGSolid on
    wWuzwvJ.png
  • KoopahTroopahKoopahTroopah The koopas, the troopas. Philadelphia, PARegistered User regular
  • BeefjerkyBeefjerky Registered User regular
    So my almost 10 year relationship is over. Due to circumstances leading up to this I've not gotten any action in like 6 years and as someone with a very high drive it actually negatively impacts my moods to a large degree. Now that I am going to be available I'm wondering if anyone here has recommendations on any of the hookup apps people use these days. I've never used any in the past as my last 13ish years have been 2 exclusive relationships, also I've only just had my first smartphone for a year now. I imagine my chances are a bit less for these to be successful as im now 35 and don't have the chiseled body most are probably looking for on these things. If anyone has thoughts or recommendations I would really appreciate it.

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