knitdanIn ur baseKillin ur guysRegistered Userregular
It’s usually the local affiliate, and involves contract issues that are ultimately about money but on the face of it are things like rebroadcast rights and a lot of esoteric TV production stuff I don’t understand.
My local Fox affiliate has been off DirecTV since last year, the NBC affiliate went off this month, and there have been rumblings we could lose ABC and ESPN if they can’t make a deal with Disney.
At the end of the day the affiliates pay a lot of money for their content and they want to get as much as they can for it. And the cable and satellite companies want to pay as little as possible with as few restrictions on their end.
“I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades
WEEK 6: IT'S BEEN 0 DAYS SINCE A COACH HAS SAID A DUMB THING ABOUT NLI RIGHTS
Straight Up
#14 Iowa @ #19 Michigan (-3.5) - If this game was in Kinnick, I would say this is an easy Iowa win. Instead, the game is at the Big House, which will be filled with about 100,000 angsty Michigan fans who will spend the entire game wondering loudly if it may be time to move on from Jim Harbaugh. Some of them might even wander down to the sidelines and start passive-aggressively complimenting Kirk Ferentz to Harbaugh. "Oh, he's a fantastic coach who knows how to get to Indianapolis. He's well worth the money he's paid."
Tulane (-2.5) @ Army - Tulane had one of my favorite endings of the season two weeks ago, when they decided overtime was for cowards and threw downfield in the waning moments of a game against Houston, hitting a 53-yard strike to win the game. Army bounced back from their upset loss to Michigan with two convincing victories, and honestly I'm wondering how Tulane is favored here considering how much better Army has looked this year.
Air Force (-3.5) @ Navy - THE FIRST ROUND IN THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY! Though, considering recent events, may be temporarily renamed to the Gigantic Criminal Pissbaby Trophy. Anyway, Navy did not look great in their loss to Memphis last week, while Air Force has a Pac-12 win on the season. It's hard to see either team wresting control of the Trophy away from Army, who has won it two years in a row and clearly looks like the best service academy team so far, but this will be an important first step on that journey.
Pittsburgh @ Duke (-4.5) - Delaware almost caught the Pitt Superweapon at the perfect time, as they were so busy beginning their recharging protocols that they almost forgot about the football game they were supposed to play. Now they get to play a Duke team that has looked very good in their non-Alabama games this year, including a 45-10 drubbing of Virginia Tech last week. Also I'm noticing that a lot of these teams have already had bye weeks so far and I'm wondering what I would have given up to not have to watch UCLA for a week so far.
Against the Spread
#21 Oklahoma State (-7.5) @ Texas Tech - I don't know what to make of THE Oklahoma State University so far this year? It seems like a standard late-Gundy period season so far, with a loss to Texas and a convincing win over Kansas State. They're still averaging over 40 points and 530 yards per game, so it's hard to say too much is going wrong I guess. Texas Tech, meanwhile, has looked very inept against good teams, which maybe says a lot about how the Kliff Kingsbury era ended than anything else.
Virginia Tech @ Miami (-10.5) - Technically one of these teams will win a football game!
#25 Michigan State @ #4 Ohio State (-21.5) - Honestly, Ohio State should probably be higher than #4, as new head coach Ryan Day took the innovative step of hiring an actual defensive coordinator instead of letting Greg Schiano do whatever he wants, which has paid dividends for the Buckeyes. Also, this seems like as good a time as any to note that Georgia decided to let an uber-talented black quarterback leave to stick with his less-talented white counterpart, which I'm sure won't come back to bite them in the ass at any point. Michigan State is also in this game, and I'm just going to ignore them like they ignored the countless victims of Larry Nassar.
Vanderbilt @ Mississippi (-7.5) - Ole Miss has been playing the part of Vietnam the past few weeks, losing to a bunch of communists before being engulfed by a wave of Crimson and death. Now a bunch of rich guys will come to town and try to take advantage of the situation. The only problem with this analogy is that Vanderbilt is bad at football, but again, you can get away with being bad at a lot of things if you have money.
California @ #13 Oregon (-15.5) - This game looked so much better before Cal up and lost to Arizona State, though it's hard to really hold that against them since their starting QB got hurt and the backup transferred to Cal from UCLA (and if you've watched UCLA this season, you start to realize how bad a QB might be if they can't win this starting job). Oregon, meanwhile, still has a shot at the CFP somehow! It helps that their neutral site last-minute loss to Auburn looks better and better by the week, and that they seem to be doing better (pay no attention to how good their opponents have been).
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (Straight Up)
#7 Auburn (-2.5) @ #10 Florida - We like to have a lot of fun here at the Pick'em, but are we really going to sit here and pretend Florida is just as good as Auburn? Auburn flipped a switch in the second half of that Oregon game and has gone about wrecking teams ever since. They treated Mississippi State as if it was a SEC-SoCon Challenge game, which is crazy. Florida, meanwhile, has needed some prime Florida bullshit to get past Miami (bad team) and Kentucky (back to being a bad team). Like, are people just assuming Florida still has enough bullshit left in the tank to fuck over Auburn? They still have to ration some for either LSU or Georgia!
It appears disgraced former Baylor head football coach Art Briles has brought scandal to his new team, the Mount Vernon Tigers of the Mount Vernon Independent School District, in (you guessed it) Mount Vernon, Texas. Briles and his high school program were publicly reprimanded by a unanimous six-member District Executive Committee on Tuesday, and now the Tigers reportedly face forfeiture of up to five games.
Briles’s well-earned football exile took him many places before he finally landed in Mount Vernon. He had flirtations with Hue Jackson’s Cleveland Browns, the Houston Cougars, Lane Kiffin’s FAU Owls, and Jay Hopson’s Southern Miss Golden Eagles, plus a couple of real, if aborted, jobs in Canada and Italy. He’s been the varsity coach at Mount Vernon since May, and already he’s in hot water. Two players on his Tigers team “were ruled Tuesday to have moved into the district for athletic purposes,” which would make them ineligible by the rules of the school district, according to a report from the Dallas Morning News. In addition, the team is accused of using a coach who was not employed by the school district, which is another violation. Briles and Mount Vernon were reprimanded as a result of the findings, but the punishments may not stop there. From the report:
However, the UIL’s state executive committee can strip teams of victories when it deems the school violated the rules.
“In the event an ineligible contestant is used in any League game or contest, knowingly or unknowingly, the minimum penalty shall be forfeiture of the game, contest or event,” the UIL constitution reads.
And remember, he doesn't have a show cause against him, so he's not restricted to California when looking for NCAA jobs in the future.
WEEK 7: PAC-12 TO DECLARE UNDYING SUPPORT OF CHINA ANY DAY NOW
Straight Up
#23 Memphis (-6) @ Temple - Memphis is currently undefeated on the year, which has helped get them to a #23 ranking and the vast respect of the masses. Temple would probably also be right there had they not tripped up against what looks to be a bad Buffalo team. I'm unsure of which way this game goes, though; Memphis's best win is still Ole Miss. Meanwhile, the Owls sandwiched their Buffalo loss with being the team to break Maryland on one side and a defensive clinic against Georgia Tech on the other. So who knows!
#10 Penn State (-3.5) @ #17 Iowa - Normally, I would say Penn State is screwed because this game is at Kinnick, but Iowa is also ranked in this game, which means they too are in danger of a ridiculous loss in Kinnick. I don't make the rules.
Southern California @ #9 Notre Dame (-11) - Honestly, this game is fascinating for me, a person looking for anything positive in this hell of a season. If USC wins, not only does it just infuriate Irish fans, but it will infuriate Trojan fans who were hoping for a loss so they could finally fire Clay Helton. And if USC loses, everyone gets to go on TARMAC WATCH 2019. Everyone wins!
#7 Florida @ #5 Louisiana State (-13.5) - It probably says a lot about how ridiculous LSU has been this season that Florida could be undefeated and coming off an impressive victory over Auburn and still come into the game as such a big underdog. This is a huge test for the Bayou Bengals, though. Outside of Texas (and I'm being generous here because I've heard enough talk of the Texas defense being not great in here to last a lifetime), LSU has not really faced a great defense, and that's what Florida has.
Against the Spread
Toledo (-25.5) @ Bowling Green - THE BATTLE OF INTERSTATE 75! I am just as surprised as you are to learn this was a named rivalry, but when putting the list together ASP said "I guessed they were a rivalry and I was right!" so who am I to judge? Anyway outside of a Week 1 road loss to Kentucky the Rockets have been very good while Bowling Green has been very bad, but it's apparently a rivalry, which should make for an interesting ATS game.
Florida State @ #2 Clemson (-26.5) - Remember when this game meant something?
#1 Alabama (-16.5) @ #24 Texas A&M - I get that TV executives wanted this game to be a Top 25 matchup, if only to try and help ratings for Alabama's weekly slaughter of an outmatched opponent. But this gets into that strong SEC bias we see every year. SEC fans will point to this game and say "See? Bama's beating great teams in the conference" which ignores that, at 3-2, the Aggies really shouldn't be ranked at this point, especially considering they needed to outlast a bad Arkansas team just to get a game above .500. Anyways, the Crimson Tide will win this game as part of their slow, inevitable march to the CFP.
#15 Utah (-13.5) @ Oregon State - Oregon State is not nearly as bad as you might expect, and I'm not saying that because the Beavers walked into the Rose Bowl last week and beat my beloved Bruins by 17 points oh god why does everything hurt. But really, the Beavers offense has been very good this year, and with Utah gearing up for a matchup with Arizona State next week that could decide the division, this has all the makings of an upset.
Hawaii @ #14 Boise State (-11.5) - Thanks to UCF's run-in with the Pitt Superweapon and subsequent loss to Cincinnati, Boise State has taken its rightful place as the front-runner for the Group of 5's NY6 auto-bid. I don't think they have a shot at getting into the Playoff at this point - this is one of the few remaining games they have left against a team that would be considered decent - but with SMU hot on their heels and with a stronger schedule from here on out, the Broncos really can't afford to lose a game the rest of the way. Also, friendly reminder that Hawaii had 6 turnovers, including 4 interceptions by the same quarterback, and still beat Arizona to start the year. This sport rules sometimes.
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (Straight Up)
#6 Oklahoma (-10.5) vs. #11 Texas - THE RED RIVER RIVALRY! It's weird that in a year where TEXAS IS BACK, the game still feels like it should result in a solid Oklahoma victory, in part because the Sooners offense still has not skipped a beat despite being on its 3rd quarterback in 3 years. Credit to Lincoln Riley for being a genius I guess. Still, this rivalry game has seen all sorts of upsets, and Tom Herman could really use one in this game to show that the tide is beginning to turn in the conference. Also, as part of the "research" I did for this post, I learned that there are 3 different trophies given out for this game, which may make it the most B1G game in history (there's also a 4th trophy given to the winner of a Naval ROTC scrimmage, in case anyone wanted to jump on me for forgetting that).
Straight Up
#9 Florida (-5) @ South Carolina - For all of their jokes, the Shutdown Fullcast does do excellent football analysis, and their explanation for why Georgia lost last week was very on-point: the Bulldogs ran into a team that does even less than they do. It's a pretty good description of South Carolina football under Will Muschamp, and I wish Ryan Hilinski were in a better football situation. Meanwhile, Florida actually looks like a good team? I'm as shocked as you all are.
Iowa State (-7) @ Texas Tech - Texas Tech did not deserve to lose to Baylor last week. That's all I really have here. Fuck Baylor.
Duke @ Virginia (-3) - Welcome to this week's check-in on everyone's favorite division, the ACC Coastal. Both Duke and Virginia are currently in the lead for the division at 2-1, tied with North Carolina. Pitt is maybe the favorite at this point to come out on top? Even teams that have been subpar like Miami and Georgia Tech are still technically in contention. Anyway, I can't wait to see Virginia Tech fall ass-backwards into the division title for no real reason.
Tulane @ Memphis (-4) - Man, what a fun game. Outside of an early road loss to Auburn, Tulane has alternated between good and very good, and are at 5-1 which never really happens at Tulane all that often. Memphis suffered its first loss of the year on the road to Temple last week, but with the recent slide at UCF, they're still in a prime position to make some noise in the AAC. And that's what makes this game so intriguing: a Tulane win here may all-but eliminate Memphis in the division, especially with SMU doing as well as it is. And SMU's current run also puts pressure on Tulane to keep pace. Just a fascinating game that a lot of people will miss because some shitty B1G game will be on. Speaking of shitty games....
Against the Spread
Houston (-21.5) @ Connecticut - I lobbied hard to get this one on the list this week, because I find everything here so fascinating. On the one hand, you have Houston, a program that makes a lot of noise about having high expectations ("we fire coaches for going 8-4") but is now openly tanking the season. It's a bizarre strategy that we don't really see at the college level, and while I think it is shitty for the players I can't help but watch what's happening. And then we get to the other side of the field to UConn, one of the worst teams at the FBS level, but with a coach with one of the more hilarious contracts in the country. Like, look at some of this:
It's amazing, and I'm so excited about UConn's twitter feed bragging about outscoring Houston in the second half en route to a 28 point loss.
Temple @ #19 Southern Methodist (-7.5) - And then we get to this week's marquee AAC matchup, where SMU looks to continue their ridiculous run this season against the always-stingy Temple defense. The ramifications for this game go way beyond SMU's continued quest to get the Group of 5 NY6 auto-bid, however; Temple suddenly finds itself tied for the lead in its division thanks to UCF slipping, and they could really use a win to keep pace with Cincinnati. Intrigue all over the AAC this week!
#17 Arizona State @ #13 Utah (-13.5) - Not to be outdone, the Pac-12 is coming in with two pivotal division matchups this week. First up, this matchup between the Sun Devils and Utes which will help decide the pecking order in the South. Herm Edwards continues to win games in Tempe in part because he somehow drags opponents into NFL-type nightmare games that opposing teams are ill-equipped to play. Unfortunately, NFL-type nightmare games are exactly what the Utes do best, so we'll see if the Fighting Herms' luck will run out.
#16 Michigan @ #7 Penn State (-8.5) - Anything I write here will pale in comparison to the group gnashing of teeth that will occur amongst the resident Michigan fans once this game begins, so pass.
Tennessee @ #1 Alabama (-34.5) - THE THIRD SATURDAY IN OCTOBER! Honestly, we haven't featured Alabama all that often this year, in part because they've just been a freight train running over opponents, and there's no real joy in talking about that on a weekly basis. But considering this is a...rivalry....game, we felt it was a good chance to let Alabama fans preen a little and remind them that death comes for all of us in time. Tennessee fans could also use that reminder, but maybe for different reasons.
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (Straight Up)
#12 Oregon (-3) @ #25 Washington - And now to the other major Pac-12 tilt, which not only has division implications but is a TRULY HEATED RIVALRY! Oregon and Washington fans really do not like each other, which is always fun to watch from a distance, but this is truly one of the most heated rivalries in the conference. And, even beyond that, this game has some secret COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF IMPLICATIONS! Oregon is not yet out of the hunt, and if they managed to win the conference without losing a game the rest of the way, they could make an argument to make the playoffs, though they'd need some help from some of the remaining undefeateds losing a game or two.
While it would be hilarious for Virginia Tech to somehow win the division (and then lose to Clemson in the title game by like 60), the truth is that the team is not performing well this year. The offense maybe improved a bit with the quarterback change, but then again maybe it hasn't. The defense hasn't scared much of anybody for a full game yet. As an alum, I'll be happy if they get to a bowl game at this point. If they can somehow keep the win streak against UVA alive that'd be great, but it kind of feels like that is pretty unlikely.
Then again I have a terrible track record of predicting football at any level, so what the hell do I know? Maybe they win out, somehow beat Clemson and go back to the Orange Bowl in one of the greatest in-season turnarounds ever.
WEEK 9: SOONER FANS BLAME TEXAS-ALUM HORSES FOR SCHOONER MISHAP
Straight Up
Duke @ North Carolina (-3.5) - Big game to establish early supremacy here in the ACC. Duke has it's usual assortment of 5-star talents and one-and-dones ready to go, led by a returning Tre Jones, but the question will be who takes over as lead dog now that Zion Williamson and RJ Barrett are gone. The same goes for North Carolina, who have to replace Coby White and 12th year senior Luke Maye. Still, this battle always is a highlight, and it's honestly shocking that College Gameday chose to skip coming here, since they usually spend at least 3 weeks hyping this game up.
(Also I'm pretty sure I've done this bit about 4 years in a row now and I refuse to stop)
Central Florida (-10.5) @ Temple - So I guess we're going to pretend that UCF is still the UCF of the past few years and not a team that's lost to Pitt and Cincinnati on the road so far this year? And now they're going to play at Temple, a team that plays similarly to Pitt but with a better defense? Sometimes oddsmakers are dumb, and then there are times where they're real dumb, and this is one of those times.
#8 Notre Dame (-1) @ #19 Michigan - The loser of this game is going to have to hear about how they just can't win big games under *insert head coach here* for the rest of the year, and I for one cannot wait.
#24 Arizona State (-3.5) @ UCLA - Ok, full disclosure, when we were looking at the games for the week, this wasn't on the list until I said "I mean UCLA is only a 3.5 underdog and FPI has them as the favorites...." But that's what's very dumb about this game. UCLA looked like an actually-good team for the first time all season in their win over Stanford last week, until you look a little closer and realize the Cardinal were starting their 3rd string QB. ASU, meanwhile, has gotten by on marginally-good play and keeping their opponents in games no matter the quality, until they got blown out by the first good team they faced all year. This game truly does have the potential to flip in either direction; will the Bruins show that the Stanford game wasn't a fluke? Or will ASU show that they deserve their ranking?
Against the Spread
#13 Wisconsin @ #3 Ohio State (-14.5) - Big Nude Football is getting a barnburner this week with this Top 15 matchup. It originally would have been a Top 10 matchup, but sometimes Lovie Smith happens. Anyway, Wisconsin has looked really good against bad competition, while Ohio State has looked really really good against better-quality competition. The Badgers will probably play better after their clear look-ahead loss, but Ohio State is on a whole new level right now. Crazy what happens when you put in a new coach who doesn't want to keep all of the old coach's underachieving friends around.
#9 Auburn @ #2 Louisiana State (-10.5) - You know, in any other week, this game would have been a clear option for GotCotW. But I'm pretty sure both Auburn and LSU have already been in that slot already this year, and I don't know how much we want to reward a Top 10 matchup with a spread this large. Joe Burrow and his ass have been torching teams for weeks on end, and Auburn wouldn't even be in this slot had Oregon not chosen to stop playing football for a half. Still, should be fun if only to see if Auburn fans attempt to fire Gus Malzahn after the game.
Oklahoma State @ #23 Iowa State (-10.5) - OK State is having a rough year. T Boone died, they've lost a series of "competitive" games, and Mike Gundy's mullet just isn't getting the same rave reviews it has in the past. And now they have the indignity of traveling to Ames and being multi-score underdogs to a ranked Iowa State team. The Cyclones have bounced back well from their very-dumb loss to Baylor, rattling off 3 straight victories over middle of the road Big 12 teams.
Maryland @ #17 Minnesota (-16.5) - Alright Golden Gophers, time to give you the credit you deserve. The Gophers are 7-0, and are currently in the lead in the B1G West. Their path to the B1G Championship Game is wide open; assuming Wisconsin loses this week, the Gophers could be two up going into the tough back end of the schedule, but even that is manageable, with the two toughest games (Penn State, Wisconsin) coming at home, and a sure loss as a ranked team in Kinnick still coming. Plus, you get to take a bye week and pick up a nice non-conference victory over an ACC team this week! What more could you want?
Missouri (-10.5) @ Kentucky - People complain about SEC bias and it's easy to brush them off, but then you look up and remember that Missouri was ranked last week despite losing to start the season at *checks notes* Wyoming, and is only unranked now because they went on the road and lost to *checks notes again* Vanderbilt. Then you further realize their best win was probably at home against South Carolina, which is a thing I hear some people struggle with, and you begin to think "yeah, maybe there is some SEC bias here", especially in comparison to Minnesota, who is undefeated against a better schedule and could not buy a ranking for the first 6 weeks. Oh yeah, Kentucky is in this game too.
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (Straight Up)
UConn (-10) @ UMass -
And so it is extremely satisfying to discover that ESPN just got hoodwinked by selling the New Mexico Bowl’s naming rights to an alleged scammer’s nonexistent company.
The Albuquerque Journal reported yesterday that ESPN has cut ties with DreamHouse, an alleged film production company based in Albuquerque that had been announced as the title sponsor for the New Mexico Bowl on Oct. 1. Yesterday’s announcement followed a series of reports from Enchantment Sports and the Albuquerque Journal revealing that not only is DreamHouse not registered as an official business with the city, it doesn’t even seem to have a working office space. From the Journal:
An Oct. 1 press release from ESPN said DreamHouse has a 25,000-square-foot post-production studio. And the sponsorship was announced outside the Aperture Center at Mesa Del Sol, where ESPN officials and Martinez said DreamHouse’s post-production studio was located.
But this week, there were no signs of DreamHouse at the Aperture Center. The three-story building is mostly vacant, except for a cafe and a construction business.
Yeah, y'all are underestimating just how comically talented OSU is.
Self-righteousness is incompatible with coalition building.
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Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
He said hard.
Not impossible.
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
We still don’t know if Day will maintain Tressel/Urban level success vs Michigan or if he’ll Cooper it up and choke in The Game
Also, OSUs ratio will drop a lot the next couple seasons as they’ve had small classes- they will either need to own the transfer portal or fill up on 3* to be able to field a team
WEEK 10: NOTRE DAME TO RAMP UP CONSTRUCTION OF WEATHER DOMINATOR
Straight Up
Miami @ Florida State (-3) - We've once again reached the point of the season where we just have a bad week that we have get through to arrive at the following stronger week. So, because college football clearly isn't trying this week, neither will I! Conveniently, that also puts me in the running for the open Rutgers job.
#9 Utah (-3) @ Washington - Los Angeles has what I would call a Big 3 of giant haunted events: Universal Studios Halloween Horror Knights, Knott's Scary Farm, and Dark Harbour at the Queen Mary. I'd never done all three events before, sticking mostly to Knott's which is routinely the best of the three, but thanks to my recent move to LA proper, I finally had time to hit up all three. So today I'm going to break them all down for you, the reader who definitely cares about this and isn't furiously scrolling down to the link to enter your picks.
#15 Southern Methodist @ #24 Memphis (-6) - We started with Dark Harbour because I had actually never done it before. It has the benefit of doing a bunch of the mazes on the Queen Mary itself, which is known as one of the most haunted places in America. But it created a problem where the mazes on the ship itself relied more on ambiance and the tight corridors in the low decks of the ship rather than having any actual scare actors for long stretches of the maze. Which, is fine for one maze, but when all three mazes are doing the same thing, it creates some problems.
#7 Oregon (-4.5) @ Southern California - Dark Harbour also is REALLY into its alcohol sales. It's pretty clearly the booziest of the three haunts, with a plethora of bars throughout the event, including "secret" bars inside a few of the mazes which you need to get tokens from monsters for and solve riddles to access. We managed to get into a few of the secret bars before the night ended, and it was honestly shocking how few problems there were considering how much alcohol was flowing at that event. Overall, a solid haunt experience that I'll probably buy a front-of-the-line pass for next year because they really don't have a great line system otherwise.
Brigham Young @ Utah State (-3) - Next we did Knotts, which is the crown jewel of the SoCal haunts for being the first and, routinely, the best. It's also the only one where I don't feel that a front-of-the-line pass is necessary, as despite having 9 mazes the lines all move at a solid pace, and we were able to get through all of them with time to spare. They also take advantage of their history with the Ghost Town scare zone, and have made a great move in recent years to start giving overarching stories to the different areas of the park. This year they also went a step further by adding a ton of actors outside the entrances of mazes to help set up the stories before you enter.
Against the Spread
#22 Kansas State (-5.5) @ Kansas - Which leads into their newest maze and one of my favorites they've ever done, which is an origin story for the Haunt mascot of the Green Witch. The crazy bastards built a smaller version of Ghost Town inside the maze, and gave backstories to all of the traditional walk-around characters and zones they've introduced. It's easily a new Pantheon maze along with older standbys like Paranormal Inc and Dark Ride, and each maze was just filled with actors ready to mess with you. Scary Farm was easily the best haunt experience again this year.
Army @ Air Force (-15.5) - ROUND TWO OF THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF TROPHY! Navy already has a victory over Air Force, so Air Force needs a win here to at the very least try to force a potential three-way tie. Honestly, I was shocked at how middling Army has been this year. They really have not looked nearly as good as they have in recent years, or even as good as they did against Michigan, which is fascinating to think about in a general service academy sense.
Pittsburgh (-7.5) @ Georgia Tech - The final haunt we did was Universal's Halloween Horror Nights. It's the one with the most IP, since it has access to the entire Universal library including all the movie monsters, but it's also the most expensive. It also has the worst line situation in the world; we waited in standby for the Ghostbusters maze first, and after an hour of sitting in the same area and finally going through a maze that by that point I felt was just aggressively fine, we immediately went and bought the front-of-the-line pass.
Alabama-Birmingham @ Tennessee (-11.5) - The Express Lane passes did actually make the rest of the night enjoyable. Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman was a treat, as was the Us maze, and Killer Klowns from Outer Space hit exactly the notes I wanted it to. The Stranger Things maze was my most disappointing, as it felt too much like running through the motions (and was based on season 2 which was not very good). The Express Lane also gives ride access, so we went on the new Jurassic World ride which was...fine, if not a downgrade from the original version (much like the movie heyoooooo). Universal just has a weird obsession with Boo Box surprise scares and seems to have less in the way of roaming scare actors, and their fantastic set designs tend to paper over what are really a weaker series of mazes in general compared to the other two haunts. And the cost for what you get, and the extra you have to pay to actually enjoy your experience, leaves a lot to be desired.
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (AGAINST THE SPREAD)
#8 Georgia (-6.5) vs. #6 Florida - THE WORLD'S LARGEST OUTDOOR COCKTAIL PARTY! It probably says a lot about each team that Georgia is still favored here, but it also probably says a lot that I can't help but feel this game is really inconsequential. Neither team is making the playoff at this point, barring a miracle in the SEC Championship Game, and neither team has looked particularly good this year. Still, this is literally the best game on the table, so congrats for making GotCotW, I guess.
That said, I was getting a bit of PTSD while I was on the boat. My brother was on an overnight Scouts trip to the USS Hornet, and I went along as a chaperone because I was in high school. Chaperones at night had to patrol the boat with only a flashlight, which is a terrifying thing to do to a 14 year old after spending an hour telling him ghost stories. So on the Queen Mary when there were similar sections? Yeah, that sucked.
WEEK 11: THE PRESIDENT WILL KEEP RUINING SPORTS UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES
Straight Up
#12 Baylor (-2.5) @ Texas Christian - I'm not going to talk about Baylor, so I guess we can talk about how TCU has yo-yo'd between looking good enough to handily beat Texas to never truly looking like they could come back against Oklahoma State a week later? That's not really entertaining. Guess I'll just come clean and say the reason this is late is because I was interviewing for a new job that I just got offered so I guess the Pick'ems finally has a happy ending for someone?
Western Kentucky @ Arkansas (-1.5) - God, Arkansas is fascinating. I'm not sure if Chad Morris is truly a bad coach or not, especially considering the general trajectory of the program since about 2008 relative to its SEC peers, but they're really just not good in any real facets of the game at the moment. And then you put then against a Western Kentucky team which is not as dangerous as they've been in the past but are still a good team? There really is a possibility Morris gets fired at halftime, and I don't think anyone will blame Arkansas fans for demanding it.
#19 Wake Forest (-2) @ Virginia Tech - *looks around to make sure no one is listening in* *checks under the couch just to be sure* *rents a boat and sails out into the middle of the Pacific Ocean just be sure*
wake forest could still win the ACC.
*immediately attacked by rabid Clemson fans*
Southern California @ Arizona State (-1.5) - Here it is, folks: the last ride of Clay Helton. The last time an embattled USC coach went on the road and lost to Arizona State, the word tarmac'd was introduced to the college football lexicon. And oh, look at that: USC just hired a new athletic director who you can just tell is itching to bring in his own coach. The only difference here is that I think Mike Bohn may opt to go the Milton route here and just not pay Helton until he finally figures out he was fired and either leaves or burns the place to the ground. And at least the second option would give USC a chance to untuck their stadium renovations.
God I just did that whole thing and didn't even need to reference the fact that ASU may desperately need to win this game if they want to actually pretend they made progress in Herm Edwards's second year instead of just spinning their wheels yet again. This game is fantastic. Maybe we should have made it GotCotW
Florida International @ Florida Atlantic (-10) - THE SHULA BOWL! And it's a rather important Shula Bowl this year, especially for the Fighting Kiffins, who are in the hunt for a bowl game but really can't afford more losses. And really, if Lane Kiffin can get the Owls to their 4th bowl game in program history, it'd be a really nice feather in the cap of a coach who has done relatively well in obscurity. Which is not to say FIU wouldn't love to play spoiler and win their 5th* Shula Bowl ever, but as always, this is Joey Freshwater's story and we're all just living in it.
* - one of FIU's victories was vacated and no I'm not going to go figure out why you all are adults and can do some research on your own.
Against the Spread
#2 Louisiana State @ #3 Alabama (-6.5) - I was SO excited for this game, especially once it became clear that LSU was going to finally try this newfangled invention called offense. And then some loud asshole decided to ruin everyone's fun in his never-ending quest to be the absolute worst. If you're wondering why this game isn't GotCotW, it is very much because of that. God I don't even want to talk about this game anymore. Ugh.
Illinois @ Michigan State (-14.5) - The Illini have been resurgent in recent weeks. No really; earlier this season, Illinois was 2-4 and it looked like we were finally nearing the end of the Lovie Smith experiment in Champaign. And then the Wisconsin upset happened, and suddenly Illinois was beating other teams handily and is on the cusp of bowl eligibility. Meanwhile, I guess I'm supposed to sit here and pretend Michigan State couldn't find a way to lose this in hilarious fashion? Cmonnnnnnn.
#18 Iowa @ #13 Wisconsin (-8.5) - This is very much an elimination game in the B1G West. The loser picks up their third conference loss on the year and is almost-assuredly out of the running with Minnesota currently 2 games clear, while the winner is still in a bad spot but at least will have a game against Minnesota to try and pull close. Iowa has a second problem in that this game isn't at home, so they can't rely on Kinnick magic to pull the upset.
#5 Clemson (-31.5) @ North Carolina State - Fair play to the CFP Committee for giving Dabo Sweeney the exact amount of disrespect the Tigers need to actually start playing like one of the best college teams again. Clemson will probably get back into the top 4 following LSU/Bama, and they really weren't in danger of missing out on the playoffs, but the initial playoff rankings were at least interesting for showing that there really is no cushion for the Tigers thanks to how bad the ACC is.
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (AGAINST THE SPREAD)
#4 Pennsylvania State (-6.5) @ #17 Minnesota - Here it is. The boat has been rowed all the way to the biggest slot of the week, because we aren't cowards like ESPN who are bowing before their SEC overlords. No, we here at the Pick'ems are champions of the little guys, even when those little guys are undefeated and really should have been rated higher by the CFP Committee cmon guys. ANYWAY, PJ Fleck just got an extension and has the Golden Gophers out to their best start since *checks notes* 1941, and would really want to win this game, if only to give them a shot at having a truly-special season. Speaking of special seasons, Penn State is having the type of season that you know is going to lead to all kinds of James Franklin rumors in a few weeks that definitely won't be a distraction while Ohio State vivisects them.
WEEK 12: PLAYOFF COMMITTEE REFUSES TO RANK ILLINOIS BECAUSE THEY ARE COWARDS
Straight Up
Tulane (-6) @ Temple - Interesting clash of styles here. Tulane loves to score a lot of points but also has a habit of having their defense blow up on them. Temple does not score a lot of points but tends to have a much stouter defense. Both teams are essentially out of the race in their respective AAC divisions, but a win here could be a nice catalyst for improvement next year.
#4 Georgia (-3) @ #12 Auburn - Can't wait to see how Auburn fucks over Georgia's season this year!
Virginia Tech (-6) @ Georgia Tech - Last week, Virginia Tech ruined my dream of Wake Forest winning the ACC, so now I'm just sitting here hoping Georgia Tech can embarrass them. Did I ever consider that a Georgia Tech victory would make my running mate ASP happy? No, not really. I run on spite and spite alone.
#8 Minnesota @ #20 Iowa (-3) - Minnesota got a program-defining win last week when they knocked off Penn State. The Gophers have now rowed the boat into a top 10 ranking, their highest ranking in decades. Their reward? They now get the pleasure of being a top 10 team on the road in Kinnick. As a reminder, the last time a top 10 team came into Kinnick, Ohio State ended up giving up 55 points, and people sometimes forget that.
Southern California (-6) @ California - The Trojans got a necessary victory last week when they held off the Fighting Herms on the road, thus delaying Clay Helton's eventual tarmac'ing. Now for the second road game in a row, against a reeling Cal team that at one point was ranked #15 in the nation before they remembered they were the Cal Bears and fell back into their usual level of play. Cal's potential success or failures rides on whether Chase Garbers is back from his injury or not - the Bears are at least semi-competent when he plays, while they are in the running for the worst offense in the country when he is out. There is at least an interesting battle, as Cal's secondary is excellent while USC's passing attack is similarly great.
Against the Spread
Michigan State @ #15 Michigan (-13.5) - Welcome to that part of the year where the Wolverines rattle off a bunch of victories (including an absolute thrashing of Notre Dame) and start to get their fans thinking they once-again have a shot at beating Ohio State before getting a brutal reminder of their place in the past decade. A beatdown of in-state rival Michigan State fits right into the sequence of events, especially after the Spartans gave up *checks notes* 27 4th quarter points to allow Illinois to complete a road comeback. Of course, this all assumes Dantonio doesn't turn on the Weather Dominator and make this game a mess.
#23 Navy @ #16 Notre Dame (-7.5) - Service academy game against a resurgent Navy? Lol good luck Notre Dame.
Wake Forest @ #3 Clemson (-34.5) - A week ago, this game had some intrigue, what with Wake Forest still having a backdoor shot at winning the ACC. Now, thanks to last week, the only real intrigue is how much does Clemson beat Wake Forest by. With the Tigers now safely in the CFP at #3, they're basically at win-and-in status, so the chance of Clemson not covering is definitely present.
UCLA @ #7 Utah (-21.5) - Ok haha UCLA still has a shot at winning the Pac-12 South if they win out which would be the funniest thing in the world but it isn't happening because this team is super-young still and Utah is a senior-laden team with playoff aspirations that cannot afford a loss.
That said.
UCLA IS WINNING THIS FUCKING GAME BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAS TURNED AROUND. YES UTAH IS COMING OFF A BYE WEEK BUT SO ARE WE AND THE LAST TIME WE DID THAT WE SHITCANNED STANFORD ON THE ROAD. UTAH ISN'T FUCKING DEATH VALLEY; THAT'S A WINNABLE ENVIRONMENT FOR A ROAD TEAM. WATCH UCLA SOMEHOW END UP IN THE ROSE BOWL. YOU ALL KNOW IT'S HAPPENING.
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (AGAINST THE SPREAD)
#10 Oklahoma (-10.5) @ #13 Baylor - Seriously, we're still doing this, huh? Alright...yes Baylor is still undefeated, even though you'd look at their body of work and would more consider them beneficiaries of circumstance than anything. And yet they're still big underdogs to Oklahoma, in part because the Sooners actually had playoff aspirations and very clearly do not have any room for error at this point of the season. Maybe the worst part of this game? Given how Baylor's season has gone so far, I wouldn't be surprised if some bullshit occurs that leads to Baylor winning. And I'm going to hate it the entire time.
Straight Up
Pittsburgh @ Virginia Tech (-4) - The ACC Coastal is the division that keeps on giving. Right now three teams are in a dead heat for the division crown heading down the home stretch, and luckily they all play each other in some form. First up, Pitt and VT play a virtual elimination game, with the loser essentially on the outside looking in while the winner still has a shot at the division title, with Virginia sitting pretty with a game in hand. I feel Pitt is a team we expected to be here by virtue of being Pitt, but Virginia Tech still being in this race is, frankly, astonishing given how bad they looked in the first half of this season.
Texas @ #14 Baylor (-5.5) - Thanks to the Boomers (Sooners), our long national nightmare of undefeated Baylor has finally come to an end. That said, the Bears are still in play for a NY6 bid if things go right, so if Texas could just go ahead and beat the everloving shit out of them, that'd be great.
Louisiana Tech @ Alabama-Birmingham (-6.5) - I will admit to being a bad general fan of college football at times. Sure I tend to know general things about most leagues and teams, but I was honestly pleasantly surprised by the tight races in Conference USA when I went to do some research for this game. In fact, this is essentially a de-facto elimination game for UAB - a loss would give them their third conference loss, while a win would at least give them a puncher's chance at the division. Louisiana Tech has an easier route: thanks to a head to head win over Southern Miss, they'd win the division if they win out. All kinds of intrigue down in Birmingham (as an aside, I'm heading to Birmingham during Conference Championship Weekend and I can't wait).
California @ Stanford (-2.5) - THE BIG GAME! And frankly this is one of the more interesting versions in years. Neither team is particularly good, with Stanford looking like a team that has finally had the bottom fall out while Cal looks like a team that played way above their heads to start the year before remembering that they are Cal. A lot of this game rests on whether Chase Garbers can again return from injury, and then not get reinjured like he did last week. Oh, and for one more layer: Cal needs one more win for bowl eligibility, and this looks like the easier of their two final games.
San Diego State @ Hawaii (-3) - Don't look now, but this game is suddenly for the Mountain West West Division, with both teams having non-conference opponents next week. It's pretty simple: a Hawaii win would give them head to head wins over SDSU and Nevada (still technically in this race but otherwise eliminated I believe), while an SDSU win would put them at 6-2 in conference with no way for Nevada to catch them. This game being on the islands should give Hawaii a pretty good advantage, but SDSU has been the better team this year, so we'll see who ends up with the division crown.
Against the Spread
Illinois @ #17 Iowa (-12.5) - Congratulations if you had "Lovie Smith saves his job by rattling off an improbable win streak to get to bowl eligibility" on your bingo card. Iowa upsetting a top 7 team at home is a free space.
UCLA @ #23 Southern California (-12.5) - THE CROSSTOWN RIVALRY! And now, to get your creative juices flowing, allow me to present a Hate Week amuse bouche (and for any Southern Cal grads, that basically means appetizer. I sometimes forget I need to use small words with you people).
As we all know, Southern Cal has had a rough go of things, what with being mired in multiple scandals because most of the people at this school think Donald Trump's administration is aspirational, but honestly I want to congratulate them. They managed to bring in a new school president and athletic director with only a minimal amount of piss-baby shrieking from their dipshit alumni base that cares more about football success than silly things like "general safety of the students on campus". And hey, you're still Southern Cal, so even when things go bad for you, like having your starting QB go down in the first game of the season, things tend to work out because your original starting QB was actually trash and the new one is slightly-less trash. And there's so much talent at the school that you can see why Urban Meyer would want to take over before leaving due to "health concerns" in a few years while the NCAA comes in and slaps brand new sanctions on your dumb asses. So hey, enjoy this weird period where you have to actively root against your team because another strong win would give the new AD enough ammunition to punt on making a coaching hire and save some money that your school desperately needs at the moment.
Oh, and have fun with eventual Southern Cal head coach Jack Del Rio. Because we all know that's the true end result here. Fuck SC and the stupid horse they ride in on.
Texas A&M @ #4 Georgia (-13.5) - Georgia is in such a weird place. It's hard to say they're really good (hey Oregon, this applies to you too) but their record and reputation have them right in the hunt for a playoff spot. And yet everyone is essentially trying to sim the last few weeks so we can get to the giant LSU-shaped boulder (for Oregon: Utah) blocking the path. As-is, Texas A&M is the kind of dumb team that could pull an upset here, especially with a quarterback in Kellen Mood who is somehow one of the better options in this conference.
Texas Christian @ #9 Oklahoma (-17.5) - Still in the playoff hunt! The Sooners would need a LOT to break their way, including but not limited to:
- Alabama losing without Tua
- Both Pac-12 Schools dick-tripping
- Georgia losing to LSU (aka free space)
- Minnesota not winning out and upsetting Ohio State in the B1G title game
That's a lot of things that have to go right, and that even leaves out that Oklahoma has to still, you know, win their remaining games, which doesn't look like a sure lock since they spent the first three quarters doing everything in their power to lose to Baylor, and still have Bedlam and potentially a Baylor or Texas rematch to look forward to. Oh yeah, and TCU is right here holding some impressive wins, and Gary Patterson would love to screw everyone in the Big 12 over by removing Oklahoma from the playoff hunt.
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (AGAINST THE SPREAD)
#8 Penn State @ #2 Ohio State (-18.5) - Note that I didn't include Penn State losing in that list, because boy howdy it's hard to see them winning this one. Frankly Ohio State may truly be the team to beat at this point: LSU has the more impressive victories, but Ohio State has spent the past few months just putting up gaudy numbers, and it's hard to see that streak ending.
Posts
My local Fox affiliate has been off DirecTV since last year, the NBC affiliate went off this month, and there have been rumblings we could lose ABC and ESPN if they can’t make a deal with Disney.
At the end of the day the affiliates pay a lot of money for their content and they want to get as much as they can for it. And the cable and satellite companies want to pay as little as possible with as few restrictions on their end.
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades
The Clemson QB looks like a stand-in for the Remember the Titans QB.
Straight Up
#14 Iowa @ #19 Michigan (-3.5) - If this game was in Kinnick, I would say this is an easy Iowa win. Instead, the game is at the Big House, which will be filled with about 100,000 angsty Michigan fans who will spend the entire game wondering loudly if it may be time to move on from Jim Harbaugh. Some of them might even wander down to the sidelines and start passive-aggressively complimenting Kirk Ferentz to Harbaugh. "Oh, he's a fantastic coach who knows how to get to Indianapolis. He's well worth the money he's paid."
Tulane (-2.5) @ Army - Tulane had one of my favorite endings of the season two weeks ago, when they decided overtime was for cowards and threw downfield in the waning moments of a game against Houston, hitting a 53-yard strike to win the game. Army bounced back from their upset loss to Michigan with two convincing victories, and honestly I'm wondering how Tulane is favored here considering how much better Army has looked this year.
Air Force (-3.5) @ Navy - THE FIRST ROUND IN THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY! Though, considering recent events, may be temporarily renamed to the Gigantic Criminal Pissbaby Trophy. Anyway, Navy did not look great in their loss to Memphis last week, while Air Force has a Pac-12 win on the season. It's hard to see either team wresting control of the Trophy away from Army, who has won it two years in a row and clearly looks like the best service academy team so far, but this will be an important first step on that journey.
Pittsburgh @ Duke (-4.5) - Delaware almost caught the Pitt Superweapon at the perfect time, as they were so busy beginning their recharging protocols that they almost forgot about the football game they were supposed to play. Now they get to play a Duke team that has looked very good in their non-Alabama games this year, including a 45-10 drubbing of Virginia Tech last week. Also I'm noticing that a lot of these teams have already had bye weeks so far and I'm wondering what I would have given up to not have to watch UCLA for a week so far.
Against the Spread
#21 Oklahoma State (-7.5) @ Texas Tech - I don't know what to make of THE Oklahoma State University so far this year? It seems like a standard late-Gundy period season so far, with a loss to Texas and a convincing win over Kansas State. They're still averaging over 40 points and 530 yards per game, so it's hard to say too much is going wrong I guess. Texas Tech, meanwhile, has looked very inept against good teams, which maybe says a lot about how the Kliff Kingsbury era ended than anything else.
Virginia Tech @ Miami (-10.5) - Technically one of these teams will win a football game!
#25 Michigan State @ #4 Ohio State (-21.5) - Honestly, Ohio State should probably be higher than #4, as new head coach Ryan Day took the innovative step of hiring an actual defensive coordinator instead of letting Greg Schiano do whatever he wants, which has paid dividends for the Buckeyes. Also, this seems like as good a time as any to note that Georgia decided to let an uber-talented black quarterback leave to stick with his less-talented white counterpart, which I'm sure won't come back to bite them in the ass at any point. Michigan State is also in this game, and I'm just going to ignore them like they ignored the countless victims of Larry Nassar.
Vanderbilt @ Mississippi (-7.5) - Ole Miss has been playing the part of Vietnam the past few weeks, losing to a bunch of communists before being engulfed by a wave of Crimson and death. Now a bunch of rich guys will come to town and try to take advantage of the situation. The only problem with this analogy is that Vanderbilt is bad at football, but again, you can get away with being bad at a lot of things if you have money.
California @ #13 Oregon (-15.5) - This game looked so much better before Cal up and lost to Arizona State, though it's hard to really hold that against them since their starting QB got hurt and the backup transferred to Cal from UCLA (and if you've watched UCLA this season, you start to realize how bad a QB might be if they can't win this starting job). Oregon, meanwhile, still has a shot at the CFP somehow! It helps that their neutral site last-minute loss to Auburn looks better and better by the week, and that they seem to be doing better (pay no attention to how good their opponents have been).
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (Straight Up)
#7 Auburn (-2.5) @ #10 Florida - We like to have a lot of fun here at the Pick'em, but are we really going to sit here and pretend Florida is just as good as Auburn? Auburn flipped a switch in the second half of that Oregon game and has gone about wrecking teams ever since. They treated Mississippi State as if it was a SEC-SoCon Challenge game, which is crazy. Florida, meanwhile, has needed some prime Florida bullshit to get past Miami (bad team) and Kentucky (back to being a bad team). Like, are people just assuming Florida still has enough bullshit left in the tank to fuck over Auburn? They still have to ration some for either LSU or Georgia!
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And remember, he doesn't have a show cause against him, so he's not restricted to California when looking for NCAA jobs in the future.
Straight Up
#23 Memphis (-6) @ Temple - Memphis is currently undefeated on the year, which has helped get them to a #23 ranking and the vast respect of the masses. Temple would probably also be right there had they not tripped up against what looks to be a bad Buffalo team. I'm unsure of which way this game goes, though; Memphis's best win is still Ole Miss. Meanwhile, the Owls sandwiched their Buffalo loss with being the team to break Maryland on one side and a defensive clinic against Georgia Tech on the other. So who knows!
#10 Penn State (-3.5) @ #17 Iowa - Normally, I would say Penn State is screwed because this game is at Kinnick, but Iowa is also ranked in this game, which means they too are in danger of a ridiculous loss in Kinnick. I don't make the rules.
Southern California @ #9 Notre Dame (-11) - Honestly, this game is fascinating for me, a person looking for anything positive in this hell of a season. If USC wins, not only does it just infuriate Irish fans, but it will infuriate Trojan fans who were hoping for a loss so they could finally fire Clay Helton. And if USC loses, everyone gets to go on TARMAC WATCH 2019. Everyone wins!
#7 Florida @ #5 Louisiana State (-13.5) - It probably says a lot about how ridiculous LSU has been this season that Florida could be undefeated and coming off an impressive victory over Auburn and still come into the game as such a big underdog. This is a huge test for the Bayou Bengals, though. Outside of Texas (and I'm being generous here because I've heard enough talk of the Texas defense being not great in here to last a lifetime), LSU has not really faced a great defense, and that's what Florida has.
Against the Spread
Toledo (-25.5) @ Bowling Green - THE BATTLE OF INTERSTATE 75! I am just as surprised as you are to learn this was a named rivalry, but when putting the list together ASP said "I guessed they were a rivalry and I was right!" so who am I to judge? Anyway outside of a Week 1 road loss to Kentucky the Rockets have been very good while Bowling Green has been very bad, but it's apparently a rivalry, which should make for an interesting ATS game.
Florida State @ #2 Clemson (-26.5) - Remember when this game meant something?
#1 Alabama (-16.5) @ #24 Texas A&M - I get that TV executives wanted this game to be a Top 25 matchup, if only to try and help ratings for Alabama's weekly slaughter of an outmatched opponent. But this gets into that strong SEC bias we see every year. SEC fans will point to this game and say "See? Bama's beating great teams in the conference" which ignores that, at 3-2, the Aggies really shouldn't be ranked at this point, especially considering they needed to outlast a bad Arkansas team just to get a game above .500. Anyways, the Crimson Tide will win this game as part of their slow, inevitable march to the CFP.
#15 Utah (-13.5) @ Oregon State - Oregon State is not nearly as bad as you might expect, and I'm not saying that because the Beavers walked into the Rose Bowl last week and beat my beloved Bruins by 17 points oh god why does everything hurt. But really, the Beavers offense has been very good this year, and with Utah gearing up for a matchup with Arizona State next week that could decide the division, this has all the makings of an upset.
Hawaii @ #14 Boise State (-11.5) - Thanks to UCF's run-in with the Pitt Superweapon and subsequent loss to Cincinnati, Boise State has taken its rightful place as the front-runner for the Group of 5's NY6 auto-bid. I don't think they have a shot at getting into the Playoff at this point - this is one of the few remaining games they have left against a team that would be considered decent - but with SMU hot on their heels and with a stronger schedule from here on out, the Broncos really can't afford to lose a game the rest of the way. Also, friendly reminder that Hawaii had 6 turnovers, including 4 interceptions by the same quarterback, and still beat Arizona to start the year. This sport rules sometimes.
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (Straight Up)
#6 Oklahoma (-10.5) vs. #11 Texas - THE RED RIVER RIVALRY! It's weird that in a year where TEXAS IS BACK, the game still feels like it should result in a solid Oklahoma victory, in part because the Sooners offense still has not skipped a beat despite being on its 3rd quarterback in 3 years. Credit to Lincoln Riley for being a genius I guess. Still, this rivalry game has seen all sorts of upsets, and Tom Herman could really use one in this game to show that the tide is beginning to turn in the conference. Also, as part of the "research" I did for this post, I learned that there are 3 different trophies given out for this game, which may make it the most B1G game in history (there's also a 4th trophy given to the winner of a Naval ROTC scrimmage, in case anyone wanted to jump on me for forgetting that).
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Straight Up
#9 Florida (-5) @ South Carolina - For all of their jokes, the Shutdown Fullcast does do excellent football analysis, and their explanation for why Georgia lost last week was very on-point: the Bulldogs ran into a team that does even less than they do. It's a pretty good description of South Carolina football under Will Muschamp, and I wish Ryan Hilinski were in a better football situation. Meanwhile, Florida actually looks like a good team? I'm as shocked as you all are.
Iowa State (-7) @ Texas Tech - Texas Tech did not deserve to lose to Baylor last week. That's all I really have here. Fuck Baylor.
Duke @ Virginia (-3) - Welcome to this week's check-in on everyone's favorite division, the ACC Coastal. Both Duke and Virginia are currently in the lead for the division at 2-1, tied with North Carolina. Pitt is maybe the favorite at this point to come out on top? Even teams that have been subpar like Miami and Georgia Tech are still technically in contention. Anyway, I can't wait to see Virginia Tech fall ass-backwards into the division title for no real reason.
Tulane @ Memphis (-4) - Man, what a fun game. Outside of an early road loss to Auburn, Tulane has alternated between good and very good, and are at 5-1 which never really happens at Tulane all that often. Memphis suffered its first loss of the year on the road to Temple last week, but with the recent slide at UCF, they're still in a prime position to make some noise in the AAC. And that's what makes this game so intriguing: a Tulane win here may all-but eliminate Memphis in the division, especially with SMU doing as well as it is. And SMU's current run also puts pressure on Tulane to keep pace. Just a fascinating game that a lot of people will miss because some shitty B1G game will be on. Speaking of shitty games....
Against the Spread
Houston (-21.5) @ Connecticut - I lobbied hard to get this one on the list this week, because I find everything here so fascinating. On the one hand, you have Houston, a program that makes a lot of noise about having high expectations ("we fire coaches for going 8-4") but is now openly tanking the season. It's a bizarre strategy that we don't really see at the college level, and while I think it is shitty for the players I can't help but watch what's happening. And then we get to the other side of the field to UConn, one of the worst teams at the FBS level, but with a coach with one of the more hilarious contracts in the country. Like, look at some of this:
It's amazing, and I'm so excited about UConn's twitter feed bragging about outscoring Houston in the second half en route to a 28 point loss.
Temple @ #19 Southern Methodist (-7.5) - And then we get to this week's marquee AAC matchup, where SMU looks to continue their ridiculous run this season against the always-stingy Temple defense. The ramifications for this game go way beyond SMU's continued quest to get the Group of 5 NY6 auto-bid, however; Temple suddenly finds itself tied for the lead in its division thanks to UCF slipping, and they could really use a win to keep pace with Cincinnati. Intrigue all over the AAC this week!
#17 Arizona State @ #13 Utah (-13.5) - Not to be outdone, the Pac-12 is coming in with two pivotal division matchups this week. First up, this matchup between the Sun Devils and Utes which will help decide the pecking order in the South. Herm Edwards continues to win games in Tempe in part because he somehow drags opponents into NFL-type nightmare games that opposing teams are ill-equipped to play. Unfortunately, NFL-type nightmare games are exactly what the Utes do best, so we'll see if the Fighting Herms' luck will run out.
#16 Michigan @ #7 Penn State (-8.5) - Anything I write here will pale in comparison to the group gnashing of teeth that will occur amongst the resident Michigan fans once this game begins, so pass.
Tennessee @ #1 Alabama (-34.5) - THE THIRD SATURDAY IN OCTOBER! Honestly, we haven't featured Alabama all that often this year, in part because they've just been a freight train running over opponents, and there's no real joy in talking about that on a weekly basis. But considering this is a...rivalry....game, we felt it was a good chance to let Alabama fans preen a little and remind them that death comes for all of us in time. Tennessee fans could also use that reminder, but maybe for different reasons.
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (Straight Up)
#12 Oregon (-3) @ #25 Washington - And now to the other major Pac-12 tilt, which not only has division implications but is a TRULY HEATED RIVALRY! Oregon and Washington fans really do not like each other, which is always fun to watch from a distance, but this is truly one of the most heated rivalries in the conference. And, even beyond that, this game has some secret COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF IMPLICATIONS! Oregon is not yet out of the hunt, and if they managed to win the conference without losing a game the rest of the way, they could make an argument to make the playoffs, though they'd need some help from some of the remaining undefeateds losing a game or two.
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Then again I have a terrible track record of predicting football at any level, so what the hell do I know? Maybe they win out, somehow beat Clemson and go back to the Orange Bowl in one of the greatest in-season turnarounds ever.
Too bad they give off too much of a Clemson vibe.
Straight Up
Duke @ North Carolina (-3.5) - Big game to establish early supremacy here in the ACC. Duke has it's usual assortment of 5-star talents and one-and-dones ready to go, led by a returning Tre Jones, but the question will be who takes over as lead dog now that Zion Williamson and RJ Barrett are gone. The same goes for North Carolina, who have to replace Coby White and 12th year senior Luke Maye. Still, this battle always is a highlight, and it's honestly shocking that College Gameday chose to skip coming here, since they usually spend at least 3 weeks hyping this game up.
(Also I'm pretty sure I've done this bit about 4 years in a row now and I refuse to stop)
Central Florida (-10.5) @ Temple - So I guess we're going to pretend that UCF is still the UCF of the past few years and not a team that's lost to Pitt and Cincinnati on the road so far this year? And now they're going to play at Temple, a team that plays similarly to Pitt but with a better defense? Sometimes oddsmakers are dumb, and then there are times where they're real dumb, and this is one of those times.
#8 Notre Dame (-1) @ #19 Michigan - The loser of this game is going to have to hear about how they just can't win big games under *insert head coach here* for the rest of the year, and I for one cannot wait.
#24 Arizona State (-3.5) @ UCLA - Ok, full disclosure, when we were looking at the games for the week, this wasn't on the list until I said "I mean UCLA is only a 3.5 underdog and FPI has them as the favorites...." But that's what's very dumb about this game. UCLA looked like an actually-good team for the first time all season in their win over Stanford last week, until you look a little closer and realize the Cardinal were starting their 3rd string QB. ASU, meanwhile, has gotten by on marginally-good play and keeping their opponents in games no matter the quality, until they got blown out by the first good team they faced all year. This game truly does have the potential to flip in either direction; will the Bruins show that the Stanford game wasn't a fluke? Or will ASU show that they deserve their ranking?
Against the Spread
#13 Wisconsin @ #3 Ohio State (-14.5) - Big Nude Football is getting a barnburner this week with this Top 15 matchup. It originally would have been a Top 10 matchup, but sometimes Lovie Smith happens. Anyway, Wisconsin has looked really good against bad competition, while Ohio State has looked really really good against better-quality competition. The Badgers will probably play better after their clear look-ahead loss, but Ohio State is on a whole new level right now. Crazy what happens when you put in a new coach who doesn't want to keep all of the old coach's underachieving friends around.
#9 Auburn @ #2 Louisiana State (-10.5) - You know, in any other week, this game would have been a clear option for GotCotW. But I'm pretty sure both Auburn and LSU have already been in that slot already this year, and I don't know how much we want to reward a Top 10 matchup with a spread this large. Joe Burrow and his ass have been torching teams for weeks on end, and Auburn wouldn't even be in this slot had Oregon not chosen to stop playing football for a half. Still, should be fun if only to see if Auburn fans attempt to fire Gus Malzahn after the game.
Oklahoma State @ #23 Iowa State (-10.5) - OK State is having a rough year. T Boone died, they've lost a series of "competitive" games, and Mike Gundy's mullet just isn't getting the same rave reviews it has in the past. And now they have the indignity of traveling to Ames and being multi-score underdogs to a ranked Iowa State team. The Cyclones have bounced back well from their very-dumb loss to Baylor, rattling off 3 straight victories over middle of the road Big 12 teams.
Maryland @ #17 Minnesota (-16.5) - Alright Golden Gophers, time to give you the credit you deserve. The Gophers are 7-0, and are currently in the lead in the B1G West. Their path to the B1G Championship Game is wide open; assuming Wisconsin loses this week, the Gophers could be two up going into the tough back end of the schedule, but even that is manageable, with the two toughest games (Penn State, Wisconsin) coming at home, and a sure loss as a ranked team in Kinnick still coming. Plus, you get to take a bye week and pick up a nice non-conference victory over an ACC team this week! What more could you want?
Missouri (-10.5) @ Kentucky - People complain about SEC bias and it's easy to brush them off, but then you look up and remember that Missouri was ranked last week despite losing to start the season at *checks notes* Wyoming, and is only unranked now because they went on the road and lost to *checks notes again* Vanderbilt. Then you further realize their best win was probably at home against South Carolina, which is a thing I hear some people struggle with, and you begin to think "yeah, maybe there is some SEC bias here", especially in comparison to Minnesota, who is undefeated against a better schedule and could not buy a ranking for the first 6 weeks. Oh yeah, Kentucky is in this game too.
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (Straight Up)
UConn (-10) @ UMass -
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In other news, Notre Dame is out.
Oh who am I kidding? It'll be Clemson, Ohio State, the SEC Champ and the loser of Alabama - LSU.
I beg to differ
Seconded.
Without Justin Fields
Not impossible.
Also, OSUs ratio will drop a lot the next couple seasons as they’ve had small classes- they will either need to own the transfer portal or fill up on 3* to be able to field a team
Straight Up
Miami @ Florida State (-3) - We've once again reached the point of the season where we just have a bad week that we have get through to arrive at the following stronger week. So, because college football clearly isn't trying this week, neither will I! Conveniently, that also puts me in the running for the open Rutgers job.
#9 Utah (-3) @ Washington - Los Angeles has what I would call a Big 3 of giant haunted events: Universal Studios Halloween Horror Knights, Knott's Scary Farm, and Dark Harbour at the Queen Mary. I'd never done all three events before, sticking mostly to Knott's which is routinely the best of the three, but thanks to my recent move to LA proper, I finally had time to hit up all three. So today I'm going to break them all down for you, the reader who definitely cares about this and isn't furiously scrolling down to the link to enter your picks.
#15 Southern Methodist @ #24 Memphis (-6) - We started with Dark Harbour because I had actually never done it before. It has the benefit of doing a bunch of the mazes on the Queen Mary itself, which is known as one of the most haunted places in America. But it created a problem where the mazes on the ship itself relied more on ambiance and the tight corridors in the low decks of the ship rather than having any actual scare actors for long stretches of the maze. Which, is fine for one maze, but when all three mazes are doing the same thing, it creates some problems.
#7 Oregon (-4.5) @ Southern California - Dark Harbour also is REALLY into its alcohol sales. It's pretty clearly the booziest of the three haunts, with a plethora of bars throughout the event, including "secret" bars inside a few of the mazes which you need to get tokens from monsters for and solve riddles to access. We managed to get into a few of the secret bars before the night ended, and it was honestly shocking how few problems there were considering how much alcohol was flowing at that event. Overall, a solid haunt experience that I'll probably buy a front-of-the-line pass for next year because they really don't have a great line system otherwise.
Brigham Young @ Utah State (-3) - Next we did Knotts, which is the crown jewel of the SoCal haunts for being the first and, routinely, the best. It's also the only one where I don't feel that a front-of-the-line pass is necessary, as despite having 9 mazes the lines all move at a solid pace, and we were able to get through all of them with time to spare. They also take advantage of their history with the Ghost Town scare zone, and have made a great move in recent years to start giving overarching stories to the different areas of the park. This year they also went a step further by adding a ton of actors outside the entrances of mazes to help set up the stories before you enter.
Against the Spread
#22 Kansas State (-5.5) @ Kansas - Which leads into their newest maze and one of my favorites they've ever done, which is an origin story for the Haunt mascot of the Green Witch. The crazy bastards built a smaller version of Ghost Town inside the maze, and gave backstories to all of the traditional walk-around characters and zones they've introduced. It's easily a new Pantheon maze along with older standbys like Paranormal Inc and Dark Ride, and each maze was just filled with actors ready to mess with you. Scary Farm was easily the best haunt experience again this year.
Army @ Air Force (-15.5) - ROUND TWO OF THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF TROPHY! Navy already has a victory over Air Force, so Air Force needs a win here to at the very least try to force a potential three-way tie. Honestly, I was shocked at how middling Army has been this year. They really have not looked nearly as good as they have in recent years, or even as good as they did against Michigan, which is fascinating to think about in a general service academy sense.
Pittsburgh (-7.5) @ Georgia Tech - The final haunt we did was Universal's Halloween Horror Nights. It's the one with the most IP, since it has access to the entire Universal library including all the movie monsters, but it's also the most expensive. It also has the worst line situation in the world; we waited in standby for the Ghostbusters maze first, and after an hour of sitting in the same area and finally going through a maze that by that point I felt was just aggressively fine, we immediately went and bought the front-of-the-line pass.
Alabama-Birmingham @ Tennessee (-11.5) - The Express Lane passes did actually make the rest of the night enjoyable. Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman was a treat, as was the Us maze, and Killer Klowns from Outer Space hit exactly the notes I wanted it to. The Stranger Things maze was my most disappointing, as it felt too much like running through the motions (and was based on season 2 which was not very good). The Express Lane also gives ride access, so we went on the new Jurassic World ride which was...fine, if not a downgrade from the original version (much like the movie heyoooooo). Universal just has a weird obsession with Boo Box surprise scares and seems to have less in the way of roaming scare actors, and their fantastic set designs tend to paper over what are really a weaker series of mazes in general compared to the other two haunts. And the cost for what you get, and the extra you have to pay to actually enjoy your experience, leaves a lot to be desired.
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (AGAINST THE SPREAD)
#8 Georgia (-6.5) vs. #6 Florida - THE WORLD'S LARGEST OUTDOOR COCKTAIL PARTY! It probably says a lot about each team that Georgia is still favored here, but it also probably says a lot that I can't help but feel this game is really inconsequential. Neither team is making the playoff at this point, barring a miracle in the SEC Championship Game, and neither team has looked particularly good this year. Still, this is literally the best game on the table, so congrats for making GotCotW, I guess.
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It very much is.
That said, I was getting a bit of PTSD while I was on the boat. My brother was on an overnight Scouts trip to the USS Hornet, and I went along as a chaperone because I was in high school. Chaperones at night had to patrol the boat with only a flashlight, which is a terrifying thing to do to a 14 year old after spending an hour telling him ghost stories. So on the Queen Mary when there were similar sections? Yeah, that sucked.
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Straight Up
#12 Baylor (-2.5) @ Texas Christian - I'm not going to talk about Baylor, so I guess we can talk about how TCU has yo-yo'd between looking good enough to handily beat Texas to never truly looking like they could come back against Oklahoma State a week later? That's not really entertaining. Guess I'll just come clean and say the reason this is late is because I was interviewing for a new job that I just got offered so I guess the Pick'ems finally has a happy ending for someone?
Western Kentucky @ Arkansas (-1.5) - God, Arkansas is fascinating. I'm not sure if Chad Morris is truly a bad coach or not, especially considering the general trajectory of the program since about 2008 relative to its SEC peers, but they're really just not good in any real facets of the game at the moment. And then you put then against a Western Kentucky team which is not as dangerous as they've been in the past but are still a good team? There really is a possibility Morris gets fired at halftime, and I don't think anyone will blame Arkansas fans for demanding it.
#19 Wake Forest (-2) @ Virginia Tech - *looks around to make sure no one is listening in* *checks under the couch just to be sure* *rents a boat and sails out into the middle of the Pacific Ocean just be sure*
wake forest could still win the ACC.
*immediately attacked by rabid Clemson fans*
Southern California @ Arizona State (-1.5) - Here it is, folks: the last ride of Clay Helton. The last time an embattled USC coach went on the road and lost to Arizona State, the word tarmac'd was introduced to the college football lexicon. And oh, look at that: USC just hired a new athletic director who you can just tell is itching to bring in his own coach. The only difference here is that I think Mike Bohn may opt to go the Milton route here and just not pay Helton until he finally figures out he was fired and either leaves or burns the place to the ground. And at least the second option would give USC a chance to untuck their stadium renovations.
God I just did that whole thing and didn't even need to reference the fact that ASU may desperately need to win this game if they want to actually pretend they made progress in Herm Edwards's second year instead of just spinning their wheels yet again. This game is fantastic. Maybe we should have made it GotCotW
Florida International @ Florida Atlantic (-10) - THE SHULA BOWL! And it's a rather important Shula Bowl this year, especially for the Fighting Kiffins, who are in the hunt for a bowl game but really can't afford more losses. And really, if Lane Kiffin can get the Owls to their 4th bowl game in program history, it'd be a really nice feather in the cap of a coach who has done relatively well in obscurity. Which is not to say FIU wouldn't love to play spoiler and win their 5th* Shula Bowl ever, but as always, this is Joey Freshwater's story and we're all just living in it.
* - one of FIU's victories was vacated and no I'm not going to go figure out why you all are adults and can do some research on your own.
Against the Spread
#2 Louisiana State @ #3 Alabama (-6.5) - I was SO excited for this game, especially once it became clear that LSU was going to finally try this newfangled invention called offense. And then some loud asshole decided to ruin everyone's fun in his never-ending quest to be the absolute worst. If you're wondering why this game isn't GotCotW, it is very much because of that. God I don't even want to talk about this game anymore. Ugh.
Illinois @ Michigan State (-14.5) - The Illini have been resurgent in recent weeks. No really; earlier this season, Illinois was 2-4 and it looked like we were finally nearing the end of the Lovie Smith experiment in Champaign. And then the Wisconsin upset happened, and suddenly Illinois was beating other teams handily and is on the cusp of bowl eligibility. Meanwhile, I guess I'm supposed to sit here and pretend Michigan State couldn't find a way to lose this in hilarious fashion? Cmonnnnnnn.
#18 Iowa @ #13 Wisconsin (-8.5) - This is very much an elimination game in the B1G West. The loser picks up their third conference loss on the year and is almost-assuredly out of the running with Minnesota currently 2 games clear, while the winner is still in a bad spot but at least will have a game against Minnesota to try and pull close. Iowa has a second problem in that this game isn't at home, so they can't rely on Kinnick magic to pull the upset.
#5 Clemson (-31.5) @ North Carolina State - Fair play to the CFP Committee for giving Dabo Sweeney the exact amount of disrespect the Tigers need to actually start playing like one of the best college teams again. Clemson will probably get back into the top 4 following LSU/Bama, and they really weren't in danger of missing out on the playoffs, but the initial playoff rankings were at least interesting for showing that there really is no cushion for the Tigers thanks to how bad the ACC is.
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (AGAINST THE SPREAD)
#4 Pennsylvania State (-6.5) @ #17 Minnesota - Here it is. The boat has been rowed all the way to the biggest slot of the week, because we aren't cowards like ESPN who are bowing before their SEC overlords. No, we here at the Pick'ems are champions of the little guys, even when those little guys are undefeated and really should have been rated higher by the CFP Committee cmon guys. ANYWAY, PJ Fleck just got an extension and has the Golden Gophers out to their best start since *checks notes* 1941, and would really want to win this game, if only to give them a shot at having a truly-special season. Speaking of special seasons, Penn State is having the type of season that you know is going to lead to all kinds of James Franklin rumors in a few weeks that definitely won't be a distraction while Ohio State vivisects them.
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Enjoy your free ride into the playoff.
Straight Up
Tulane (-6) @ Temple - Interesting clash of styles here. Tulane loves to score a lot of points but also has a habit of having their defense blow up on them. Temple does not score a lot of points but tends to have a much stouter defense. Both teams are essentially out of the race in their respective AAC divisions, but a win here could be a nice catalyst for improvement next year.
#4 Georgia (-3) @ #12 Auburn - Can't wait to see how Auburn fucks over Georgia's season this year!
Virginia Tech (-6) @ Georgia Tech - Last week, Virginia Tech ruined my dream of Wake Forest winning the ACC, so now I'm just sitting here hoping Georgia Tech can embarrass them. Did I ever consider that a Georgia Tech victory would make my running mate ASP happy? No, not really. I run on spite and spite alone.
#8 Minnesota @ #20 Iowa (-3) - Minnesota got a program-defining win last week when they knocked off Penn State. The Gophers have now rowed the boat into a top 10 ranking, their highest ranking in decades. Their reward? They now get the pleasure of being a top 10 team on the road in Kinnick. As a reminder, the last time a top 10 team came into Kinnick, Ohio State ended up giving up 55 points, and people sometimes forget that.
Southern California (-6) @ California - The Trojans got a necessary victory last week when they held off the Fighting Herms on the road, thus delaying Clay Helton's eventual tarmac'ing. Now for the second road game in a row, against a reeling Cal team that at one point was ranked #15 in the nation before they remembered they were the Cal Bears and fell back into their usual level of play. Cal's potential success or failures rides on whether Chase Garbers is back from his injury or not - the Bears are at least semi-competent when he plays, while they are in the running for the worst offense in the country when he is out. There is at least an interesting battle, as Cal's secondary is excellent while USC's passing attack is similarly great.
Against the Spread
Michigan State @ #15 Michigan (-13.5) - Welcome to that part of the year where the Wolverines rattle off a bunch of victories (including an absolute thrashing of Notre Dame) and start to get their fans thinking they once-again have a shot at beating Ohio State before getting a brutal reminder of their place in the past decade. A beatdown of in-state rival Michigan State fits right into the sequence of events, especially after the Spartans gave up *checks notes* 27 4th quarter points to allow Illinois to complete a road comeback. Of course, this all assumes Dantonio doesn't turn on the Weather Dominator and make this game a mess.
#23 Navy @ #16 Notre Dame (-7.5) - Service academy game against a resurgent Navy? Lol good luck Notre Dame.
Wake Forest @ #3 Clemson (-34.5) - A week ago, this game had some intrigue, what with Wake Forest still having a backdoor shot at winning the ACC. Now, thanks to last week, the only real intrigue is how much does Clemson beat Wake Forest by. With the Tigers now safely in the CFP at #3, they're basically at win-and-in status, so the chance of Clemson not covering is definitely present.
UCLA @ #7 Utah (-21.5) - Ok haha UCLA still has a shot at winning the Pac-12 South if they win out which would be the funniest thing in the world but it isn't happening because this team is super-young still and Utah is a senior-laden team with playoff aspirations that cannot afford a loss.
That said.
UCLA IS WINNING THIS FUCKING GAME BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAS TURNED AROUND. YES UTAH IS COMING OFF A BYE WEEK BUT SO ARE WE AND THE LAST TIME WE DID THAT WE SHITCANNED STANFORD ON THE ROAD. UTAH ISN'T FUCKING DEATH VALLEY; THAT'S A WINNABLE ENVIRONMENT FOR A ROAD TEAM. WATCH UCLA SOMEHOW END UP IN THE ROSE BOWL. YOU ALL KNOW IT'S HAPPENING.
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (AGAINST THE SPREAD)
#10 Oklahoma (-10.5) @ #13 Baylor - Seriously, we're still doing this, huh? Alright...yes Baylor is still undefeated, even though you'd look at their body of work and would more consider them beneficiaries of circumstance than anything. And yet they're still big underdogs to Oklahoma, in part because the Sooners actually had playoff aspirations and very clearly do not have any room for error at this point of the season. Maybe the worst part of this game? Given how Baylor's season has gone so far, I wouldn't be surprised if some bullshit occurs that leads to Baylor winning. And I'm going to hate it the entire time.
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And Michigan defeats State for the first time under Harbaugh. Corners ate being turned!
Straight Up
Pittsburgh @ Virginia Tech (-4) - The ACC Coastal is the division that keeps on giving. Right now three teams are in a dead heat for the division crown heading down the home stretch, and luckily they all play each other in some form. First up, Pitt and VT play a virtual elimination game, with the loser essentially on the outside looking in while the winner still has a shot at the division title, with Virginia sitting pretty with a game in hand. I feel Pitt is a team we expected to be here by virtue of being Pitt, but Virginia Tech still being in this race is, frankly, astonishing given how bad they looked in the first half of this season.
Texas @ #14 Baylor (-5.5) - Thanks to the Boomers (Sooners), our long national nightmare of undefeated Baylor has finally come to an end. That said, the Bears are still in play for a NY6 bid if things go right, so if Texas could just go ahead and beat the everloving shit out of them, that'd be great.
Louisiana Tech @ Alabama-Birmingham (-6.5) - I will admit to being a bad general fan of college football at times. Sure I tend to know general things about most leagues and teams, but I was honestly pleasantly surprised by the tight races in Conference USA when I went to do some research for this game. In fact, this is essentially a de-facto elimination game for UAB - a loss would give them their third conference loss, while a win would at least give them a puncher's chance at the division. Louisiana Tech has an easier route: thanks to a head to head win over Southern Miss, they'd win the division if they win out. All kinds of intrigue down in Birmingham (as an aside, I'm heading to Birmingham during Conference Championship Weekend and I can't wait).
California @ Stanford (-2.5) - THE BIG GAME! And frankly this is one of the more interesting versions in years. Neither team is particularly good, with Stanford looking like a team that has finally had the bottom fall out while Cal looks like a team that played way above their heads to start the year before remembering that they are Cal. A lot of this game rests on whether Chase Garbers can again return from injury, and then not get reinjured like he did last week. Oh, and for one more layer: Cal needs one more win for bowl eligibility, and this looks like the easier of their two final games.
San Diego State @ Hawaii (-3) - Don't look now, but this game is suddenly for the Mountain West West Division, with both teams having non-conference opponents next week. It's pretty simple: a Hawaii win would give them head to head wins over SDSU and Nevada (still technically in this race but otherwise eliminated I believe), while an SDSU win would put them at 6-2 in conference with no way for Nevada to catch them. This game being on the islands should give Hawaii a pretty good advantage, but SDSU has been the better team this year, so we'll see who ends up with the division crown.
Against the Spread
Illinois @ #17 Iowa (-12.5) - Congratulations if you had "Lovie Smith saves his job by rattling off an improbable win streak to get to bowl eligibility" on your bingo card. Iowa upsetting a top 7 team at home is a free space.
UCLA @ #23 Southern California (-12.5) - THE CROSSTOWN RIVALRY! And now, to get your creative juices flowing, allow me to present a Hate Week amuse bouche (and for any Southern Cal grads, that basically means appetizer. I sometimes forget I need to use small words with you people).
As we all know, Southern Cal has had a rough go of things, what with being mired in multiple scandals because most of the people at this school think Donald Trump's administration is aspirational, but honestly I want to congratulate them. They managed to bring in a new school president and athletic director with only a minimal amount of piss-baby shrieking from their dipshit alumni base that cares more about football success than silly things like "general safety of the students on campus". And hey, you're still Southern Cal, so even when things go bad for you, like having your starting QB go down in the first game of the season, things tend to work out because your original starting QB was actually trash and the new one is slightly-less trash. And there's so much talent at the school that you can see why Urban Meyer would want to take over before leaving due to "health concerns" in a few years while the NCAA comes in and slaps brand new sanctions on your dumb asses. So hey, enjoy this weird period where you have to actively root against your team because another strong win would give the new AD enough ammunition to punt on making a coaching hire and save some money that your school desperately needs at the moment.
Oh, and have fun with eventual Southern Cal head coach Jack Del Rio. Because we all know that's the true end result here. Fuck SC and the stupid horse they ride in on.
Texas A&M @ #4 Georgia (-13.5) - Georgia is in such a weird place. It's hard to say they're really good (hey Oregon, this applies to you too) but their record and reputation have them right in the hunt for a playoff spot. And yet everyone is essentially trying to sim the last few weeks so we can get to the giant LSU-shaped boulder (for Oregon: Utah) blocking the path. As-is, Texas A&M is the kind of dumb team that could pull an upset here, especially with a quarterback in Kellen Mood who is somehow one of the better options in this conference.
Texas Christian @ #9 Oklahoma (-17.5) - Still in the playoff hunt! The Sooners would need a LOT to break their way, including but not limited to:
- Alabama losing without Tua
- Both Pac-12 Schools dick-tripping
- Georgia losing to LSU (aka free space)
- Minnesota not winning out and upsetting Ohio State in the B1G title game
That's a lot of things that have to go right, and that even leaves out that Oklahoma has to still, you know, win their remaining games, which doesn't look like a sure lock since they spent the first three quarters doing everything in their power to lose to Baylor, and still have Bedlam and potentially a Baylor or Texas rematch to look forward to. Oh yeah, and TCU is right here holding some impressive wins, and Gary Patterson would love to screw everyone in the Big 12 over by removing Oklahoma from the playoff hunt.
GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THE WEEK (AGAINST THE SPREAD)
#8 Penn State @ #2 Ohio State (-18.5) - Note that I didn't include Penn State losing in that list, because boy howdy it's hard to see them winning this one. Frankly Ohio State may truly be the team to beat at this point: LSU has the more impressive victories, but Ohio State has spent the past few months just putting up gaudy numbers, and it's hard to see that streak ending.
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