Going to the movies IS a classic, safe and commonly used place for a first date, but why do JUST that. Maybe you can go to have a cup of coffee or you can go to eat someplace after OR before movie?
You're dad is right. Be yourself and and take the money he offered
My advice is simple: be honest and take it easy. You can't ruin anything on your first date. Just enjoy your moment(s) with her, learn about her and stuff.
And if you have time to speak before and/after the movie... ask some regular questions about her. Maybe start with the basics (favourite color, artist/band, number... everything such) and move forward from that. Get to know her and I bet she asks you questions based on what she wants to know about you. It is easy when the questions start flying
For first dates, it can be hard keeping up a good conversation for a few hours. While, movies dont let you talk at all, it IS good to find something in the middle. An activity to concentrate on, but that will also let you chat too.
Saw this in a movie once, done it ever since and it's almost always been accurate.
When you open the car door for her and let her in see what she does. Does she just sit there once you shut the door or does she lean over and attempt to either unlock your door or "pop" it open?
Every woman I have ever dated who didn't attempt to let me in turned out to a pain in the ass one way or another.
I don't know about that, I've been with my girlfriend for over two and a half years, and every time I get the door for her, she leans over and locks my door just as I'm about to open it, and she's certainly no pain in the ass :P
Here's a thought. Don't do things for a the girl because she asks (like someone said earlier, about getting her coat or whatever) but do something nice as a surprise. From my experience, when I did something my girlfriend specifically asked me to do, she always felt like I was spoiling her, whereas she never complained when I did something nice spontaneously. It may not come up on your first date, but if you've got a chance to do something unexpected and nice, take it!
This is going to seem weird, but it's my awkward-situation conversation advice: keep asking questions until you have a story or something interesting to say.
Start with a question, like "what did you do last summer?" Keep asking about it, because you want her to talk and you to seem interested. Basically, you're stalling until you have something compelling to say.
"I spent the summer working and living with my grandparents."
"Where do they live?"
"DC"
"I just came back from DC! Blah blah blah"
or
"Are you close with them?"
"Yes/no"
"I really like my grandparents, but it's hard for me to get close to them blah blah blah"
You're almost always safe showing interest and wanting to know more about the other person, just be careful that you aren't making them exhausted by not contributing anything yourself.
Sorry but I'll have to disagree with your advice.
The reason you're asking questions is not to find an excuse to talk about or tell stories about yourself. The reason you're asking questions is to genuinely find out what the other person is like.
If she gets the feeling that you're baiting her to give you an opening to talk about yourself, like you suggested, she will hate you for it. It's terribly self-centered and manipulative.
Instead, I'll adjust your advice and suggest this:
Ask open-ended questions. Questions about her experiences, her feelings.
You: Did you like the movie?
Her: Yes/No
Wrong form. Try this instead:
You: How did you feel about that movie?
Her: *has no choice but to elaborate.*
Similarly, after she tells you what she did last summer, ask her how she felt while she was doing <insert activity here>.
It is natural for people to run out of conversation topics on first dates. What you should keep in mind that you're not merely trying to find something to talk about. You're trying to get her to open up to you, and when she does, she will be hoping you will open up to her as well. If she is unwilling, you can lead her, like this:
You: So, what's your story?
Her: I don't know. (this is a very common answer btw when you ask deep questions)
You: Okay, I'll give you an example about myself, then you do the same. <then insert an interesting story about yourself. try to make her laugh>
At this point she will be willing to open herself to you, since you opened yourself to her.
Just try to keep it 50/50. Don't talk too much about yourself, but at the same time don't shower her with questions. This is not an interrogation or an interview.
On the car trip down, I'd suggest the radio. Unless she's a gothic chick into death metal it's definitely not a good thing to play around a girl when you don't know about her taste in music.
The John Mayer suggestion is good but it's a first impression on music. She might start thinking you love pop, and for all you know she might hate it.
Don't take the date too seriously. It's 1 date to the movies.
Relax and have a good time, and make sure not to say anything too outrageous. Oh, and pay for her ticket, if your dad is offering the money, but remember you are not rolling in the dough.
If the date goes well consider something like a park. Cheap and a much better social environment.
The first date I went on with my girlfriend was to Barnes and Noble. We just grabbed random books, read a little bit, got coffee, and talked about stuff. It ruled. This is a very risky thing to do if you don't think you can talk to your date for a long time, but it worked very well for me.
On the car trip down, I'd suggest the radio. Unless she's a gothic chick into death metal it's definitely not a good thing to play around a girl when you don't know about her taste in music.
Hah, I had almost forgotten that my car even had a radio, since I always listen to CDs. Neither of us are even remotely 'gothic'. I'm really into death metal but I have a hard time convincing others that it can even be considered music. But thats for another thread at another time :P Not that I go around shouting "Death metal rules and you all drools!" or anything. The only musician-type-people I've ever mentioned around her are Matisyahu because he is awesome and Bolt Thrower because they are awesome. Maybe I can get her into Matisyahu and save Bolt Thrower for later :P
The first date I went on with my girlfriend was to Barnes and Noble. We just grabbed random books, read a little bit, got coffee, and talked about stuff. It ruled. This is a very risky thing to do if you don't think you can talk to your date for a long time, but it worked very well for me.
There is a Barnes and Noble right next to the movie theater. I'll keep it in mind We're gonna see either Deja Vu or Stranger than Fiction.
On the car trip down, I'd suggest the radio. Unless she's a gothic chick into death metal it's definitely not a good thing to play around a girl when you don't know about her taste in music.
Hah, I had almost forgotten that my car even had a radio, since I always listen to CDs. Neither of us are even remotely 'gothic'. I'm really into death metal but I have a hard time convincing others that it can even be considered music. But thats for another thread at another time :P Not that I go around shouting "Death metal rules and you all drools!" or anything. The only musician-type-people I've ever mentioned around her are Matisyahu because he is awesome and Bolt Thrower because they are awesome. Maybe I can get her into Matisyahu and save Bolt Thrower for later :P
The first date I went on with my girlfriend was to Barnes and Noble. We just grabbed random books, read a little bit, got coffee, and talked about stuff. It ruled. This is a very risky thing to do if you don't think you can talk to your date for a long time, but it worked very well for me.
There is a Barnes and Noble right next to the movie theater. I'll keep it in mind We're gonna see either Deja Vu or Stranger than Fiction.
I'd suggest Stranger than Fiction, my roommates have raved about how great it is. Plus comedy makes a better first date than intense thriller, or whatever Deja Vu is supposed to be.
Also I second the wandering around Barnes and Noble thing. It's a good after entertainment thing to do. Grab coffee and look around. My personal favorite section, astrology, is great for entertainment value. It's incredibly easy to joke around with books about your sexual horoscopes and whatnot. The self-help section is also a good time.
Hmmm, I think in this situation, especially since you do know her, a movie wouldn't be all that bad (Maybe it's just because I'm a teenager, but you can make quiet jokes throughout the movie if you want, I do this to see if it's a sign of interest ("Hey, she still wants to talk a bit even though we're in a movie!")
Hmmm, I think in this situation, especially since you do know her, a movie wouldn't be all that bad (Maybe it's just because I'm a teenager, but you can make quiet jokes throughout the movie if you want, I do this to see if it's a sign of interest ("Hey, she still wants to talk a bit even though we're in a movie!")
This may be unique to me, but people who make comments while watching movies, unless we have a mutual understanding that neither of us is 100% invested in the show, just utterly irritate me. Then again, I've never really tried the movie date thing. It might be different with a girl.
From personal experience; people who are into Death Metal aren't into Reggae and vice versa. When I'm sharing music with people I don't know but of whom I'm sure they are interesting people, I try to find something socially acceptable from the genre I dig. (In my case: ska)
Matisyahu will probably bore you within 3.42 minutes, and it would just be stupid to act all "yah, I have his CD" when you only picked it up because of her. Be yourself and all. It works.
Maybe in your case, as a crazy metalhead, the radio might be a better idea. <_<;; I can't think of any non-freaky Death Metal bands.
Maybe just stick some intstrumental ambience metal in there, like Pelican or Isis. And if you feel she's not digging it, after a few minutes give her a handful of cds and ask her to pick one that she thinks could be good. Keep some unexpected discs in the mix, so she's have a wide range.
Go see Stranger than Fiction.
If you've left it open when you get to the line say something like "Well, I'd rather go see Stranger than Fiction." but leave it open for her to object if she wants to go see Deja Vu. Once again bringing in the decisiveness factor.
Seeing a comedy like that will be more interesting than seeing an action type movie for a date. You can talk about the little stupid bits of the movie and make her laugh about it. But if you have problems talking with her going to a movie before getting something to eat is a good idea because you can talk about the movie while you eat.
Aldo: I've been listening to Matisyahu since soon after his first album came out... I know that I like him :P I actually saw an ad for his album at the movie theatre, and I liked what I heard in the ad so much that I went and bought the album right after the movie at the Barnes and Noble next door. Hey cool now I have a story to tell about the album if she wants to hear it. I'm a sucker though, I like nearly all music. I'm just not knowledgeable about every kind of music and so I tend to only buy the stuff I know well (Matisyahu being one of the few exceptions) The only stuff I don't like is really repetitive techno stuff, but other than that I'm good with anything from Gregorian chants to rap to country to folk to rock to pop to new age. Anyways, thats all off topic.
We had to postpone the date unfortunately. Coincidentially, neither of us are available on Saturday, and for the reason. We have to make videos for Spanish class and they are due next week and neither of our groups told us that they were recording on Saturday. She has a 10 pm curfew weekdays so we're gonna try for next Friday or Saturday.
Going to the movies IS a classic, safe and commonly used place for a first date, but why do JUST that. Maybe you can go to have a cup of coffee or you can go to eat someplace after OR before movie?
You're dad is right. Be yourself and and take the money he offered
My advice is simple: be honest and take it easy. You can't ruin anything on your first date. Just enjoy your moment(s) with her, learn about her and stuff.
And if you have time to speak before and/after the movie... ask some regular questions about her. Maybe start with the basics (favourite color, artist/band, number... everything such) and move forward from that. Get to know her and I bet she asks you questions based on what she wants to know about you. It is easy when the questions start flying
Good luck pal
I'm sorry, but you don't want the date to be an interview. Asking stupid things like favourite color and number just don't make for a good look. Questions like those seem like you really have nothing else to say, not to mention are predictable and boring.
My advice is to treat her like an old friend to make her feel comfortable. Joke with her about whatever, a scene in the movie, a book your checking out, things/people around you. You don't want to come off as mean or make a fart joke like your with your boys anything, but girls dig guys who can make them laugh. Joke about yourself too, just not way too much.
But confidence is key. Look her in the eye and all that jazz. Don't be afriad to disagree with her and tell her what you think. Really, you shouldn't act as if the world's gonna end if she doesn't like something you do or say, cause it won't. I'd almost go as far as to say you shouldn't care what she thinks of you. Stay strong and be a man. But don't forget to be a gentleman, as well.
But the OP and his date already seem to like each other, so being comfortable and joking should come easier.
A don't be afriad of silence. Most silences are uncomfortable when people focus on them.
I'm currently going out with a girl and I was wondering if you guys could list off some date ideas? So far I've heard the park, Barnes & Nobles, movies, etc.
What else is there/have you guys found to be good dates?
During this time of year, walking around a plaza (if there is that type of place around your area) is a good idea. With all the Christmas lights and all that jazz, it could be romantic.
On the car trip down, I'd suggest the radio. Unless she's a gothic chick into death metal it's definitely not a good thing to play around a girl when you don't know about her taste in music.
Hah, I had almost forgotten that my car even had a radio, since I always listen to CDs. Neither of us are even remotely 'gothic'. I'm really into death metal but I have a hard time convincing others that it can even be considered music. But thats for another thread at another time :P Not that I go around shouting "Death metal rules and you all drools!" or anything. The only musician-type-people I've ever mentioned around her are Matisyahu because he is awesome and Bolt Thrower because they are awesome. Maybe I can get her into Matisyahu and save Bolt Thrower for later :P
The first date I went on with my girlfriend was to Barnes and Noble. We just grabbed random books, read a little bit, got coffee, and talked about stuff. It ruled. This is a very risky thing to do if you don't think you can talk to your date for a long time, but it worked very well for me.
There is a Barnes and Noble right next to the movie theater. I'll keep it in mind We're gonna see either Deja Vu or Stranger than Fiction.
Posts
You're dad is right. Be yourself and and take the money he offered
My advice is simple: be honest and take it easy. You can't ruin anything on your first date. Just enjoy your moment(s) with her, learn about her and stuff.
And if you have time to speak before and/after the movie... ask some regular questions about her. Maybe start with the basics (favourite color, artist/band, number... everything such) and move forward from that. Get to know her and I bet she asks you questions based on what she wants to know about you. It is easy when the questions start flying
Good luck pal
I don't know about that, I've been with my girlfriend for over two and a half years, and every time I get the door for her, she leans over and locks my door just as I'm about to open it, and she's certainly no pain in the ass :P
Here's a thought. Don't do things for a the girl because she asks (like someone said earlier, about getting her coat or whatever) but do something nice as a surprise. From my experience, when I did something my girlfriend specifically asked me to do, she always felt like I was spoiling her, whereas she never complained when I did something nice spontaneously. It may not come up on your first date, but if you've got a chance to do something unexpected and nice, take it!
Sorry but I'll have to disagree with your advice.
The reason you're asking questions is not to find an excuse to talk about or tell stories about yourself. The reason you're asking questions is to genuinely find out what the other person is like.
If she gets the feeling that you're baiting her to give you an opening to talk about yourself, like you suggested, she will hate you for it. It's terribly self-centered and manipulative.
Instead, I'll adjust your advice and suggest this:
Ask open-ended questions. Questions about her experiences, her feelings.
You: Did you like the movie?
Her: Yes/No
Wrong form. Try this instead:
You: How did you feel about that movie?
Her: *has no choice but to elaborate.*
Similarly, after she tells you what she did last summer, ask her how she felt while she was doing <insert activity here>.
It is natural for people to run out of conversation topics on first dates. What you should keep in mind that you're not merely trying to find something to talk about. You're trying to get her to open up to you, and when she does, she will be hoping you will open up to her as well. If she is unwilling, you can lead her, like this:
You: So, what's your story?
Her: I don't know. (this is a very common answer btw when you ask deep questions)
You: Okay, I'll give you an example about myself, then you do the same. <then insert an interesting story about yourself. try to make her laugh>
At this point she will be willing to open herself to you, since you opened yourself to her.
Just try to keep it 50/50. Don't talk too much about yourself, but at the same time don't shower her with questions. This is not an interrogation or an interview.
The John Mayer suggestion is good but it's a first impression on music. She might start thinking you love pop, and for all you know she might hate it.
Don't take the date too seriously. It's 1 date to the movies.
Relax and have a good time, and make sure not to say anything too outrageous. Oh, and pay for her ticket, if your dad is offering the money, but remember you are not rolling in the dough.
If the date goes well consider something like a park. Cheap and a much better social environment.
Good luck :arrow:
Hah, I had almost forgotten that my car even had a radio, since I always listen to CDs. Neither of us are even remotely 'gothic'. I'm really into death metal but I have a hard time convincing others that it can even be considered music. But thats for another thread at another time :P Not that I go around shouting "Death metal rules and you all drools!" or anything. The only musician-type-people I've ever mentioned around her are Matisyahu because he is awesome and Bolt Thrower because they are awesome. Maybe I can get her into Matisyahu and save Bolt Thrower for later :P
There is a Barnes and Noble right next to the movie theater. I'll keep it in mind
Oh and don't do what I did and buy a linux book.
Also I second the wandering around Barnes and Noble thing. It's a good after entertainment thing to do. Grab coffee and look around. My personal favorite section, astrology, is great for entertainment value. It's incredibly easy to joke around with books about your sexual horoscopes and whatnot. The self-help section is also a good time.
Matisyahu will probably bore you within 3.42 minutes, and it would just be stupid to act all "yah, I have his CD" when you only picked it up because of her. Be yourself and all. It works.
Maybe in your case, as a crazy metalhead, the radio might be a better idea. <_<;; I can't think of any non-freaky Death Metal bands.
If you've left it open when you get to the line say something like "Well, I'd rather go see Stranger than Fiction." but leave it open for her to object if she wants to go see Deja Vu. Once again bringing in the decisiveness factor.
Seeing a comedy like that will be more interesting than seeing an action type movie for a date. You can talk about the little stupid bits of the movie and make her laugh about it. But if you have problems talking with her going to a movie before getting something to eat is a good idea because you can talk about the movie while you eat.
We had to postpone the date unfortunately. Coincidentially, neither of us are available on Saturday, and for the reason. We have to make videos for Spanish class and they are due next week and neither of our groups told us that they were recording on Saturday. She has a 10 pm curfew weekdays so we're gonna try for next Friday or Saturday.
I'm sorry, but you don't want the date to be an interview. Asking stupid things like favourite color and number just don't make for a good look. Questions like those seem like you really have nothing else to say, not to mention are predictable and boring.
My advice is to treat her like an old friend to make her feel comfortable. Joke with her about whatever, a scene in the movie, a book your checking out, things/people around you. You don't want to come off as mean or make a fart joke like your with your boys anything, but girls dig guys who can make them laugh. Joke about yourself too, just not way too much.
But confidence is key. Look her in the eye and all that jazz. Don't be afriad to disagree with her and tell her what you think. Really, you shouldn't act as if the world's gonna end if she doesn't like something you do or say, cause it won't. I'd almost go as far as to say you shouldn't care what she thinks of you. Stay strong and be a man. But don't forget to be a gentleman, as well.
But the OP and his date already seem to like each other, so being comfortable and joking should come easier.
A don't be afriad of silence. Most silences are uncomfortable when people focus on them.
What else is there/have you guys found to be good dates?