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Potentially dangerous stalker, not sure how to proceed.

altaltaltyaltaltaltaltyalt Registered User new member
Hi there!

I didn't expect to be posting again so soon but something just happened today and the local police weren't very helpful.

Short backstory: I graduated college five years ago. While I was there, I worked for the student newspaper as Managing Editor. One of our writers applied to be Editor-in-Chief -- at the board meeting, which she was at, I strongly argued against her for obvious reasons... She was a bad writer, had no experience editing, etc. She didn't get the job.

A few years after that, she sent a long, rambling message on Facebook, just a bunch of cursing about how worthless I am, and also complaining about other staff too. At the time, I was disturbed, but not in the same city any longer, so I just blocked her.

A year or two after that message, one of my co-workers received a similar message from her, ranting about the conspiracy to stop her from being EIC, calling me out, saying she hated all of us, wished we would die, etc. Again, I was disturbed, but not in the same city (or even the same country) and had other things going on.

I have since moved back to the same city. Today, shortly after leaving work, my boss called me to say someone had called looking for me, twice. She wouldn't give her name and security said she sounded suspicious. They wrote down the number and name that appeared on the Caller ID and sent it to me. I called the number and asked for the Caller ID Name -- the person on the other side said that was her mother. I said okay, what my name was, and that I'd just received a call and how could I help them. She then proceeded to share her real name, catching me completely off guard, and said "I just want to ask you why you said those disgusting things about me at the board meeting for EIC."

I was really not thinking on my feet, so perhaps this wasn't the right response, but I basically said that was years ago, that myself and my friends had screenshotted her messages, and that if she ever called me or my work again I would go to the police. She then started screaming and cursing, and I hung up.

So now I'm not sure what to do. This was six years ago, and she's obviously got something going on. I already know there's not much police can do, but I called all the same and they confirmed it. Basically I can file a report, get it on record, but they won't do anything until it crosses the line into (I guess?) physical contact.

A friend said I should look into getting a restraining order, and to try and scrub my address off the internet. I know I can remove it from public record, but I also know A LOT is online so she could probably/definitely find it if she really wanted. I'm also planning on getting pepper spray or something, since now I'm insanely paranoid... Probably an overreaction, but I checked every room when I got home tonight. I'm also telling security at my work to look out for her, and at least giving them a description of her -- hopefully I can find a photo of her online, but I doubt it.

Any other advice would be helpful! It's kind of boggling there's not seemingly more I can legally do about this. Even a restraining order doesn't feel very comforting -- if she's truly unhinged, that wouldn't stop her from trying something dangerous.

The only hope is that these outbursts have happened before and nothing came of them, but she also never went this far before. She did slip up and now I have her mother's phone number and name. Not that there's anything really to do with that, but she was clearly trying to wage a secret war (being unaware of Caller ID) so maybe she'll be nervous any further moves will prompt her family/police involvement. I don't know.

Posts

  • knitdanknitdan Registered User regular
    edited October 2019
    This is not normal behavior. Calling someone up over a lost job opportunity 6 years ago? It’s disturbing and this person is potentially dangerous

    I would recommend making a police report. Get it on record. Give them all the information you have and the history.

    Edit: I know you said you’d call the police if she did it again, but I’d do it anyway before she tries something again. Stalkers don’t get a freebie.

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  • JaysonFourJaysonFour Classy Monster Kitteh Registered User regular
    Yeah, if she's going postal at you over something that happened six years ago, and is still like that... call the police, and give them everything, and then talk to a lawyer about a no-contact order to go with that restraining order. The sooner you can get a pattern of harassment established, the easier of a time you'll have.

    Also, what phone did you call her number from? If it's from your personal phone, you might look into changing your phone number and blocking her, or maybe even just switching everything over to a clean new phone if you think she'd try hiring people to break into your phone/email/social media/work computer - I know it sounds out there to be worrying about that, but we've already established she's not in a good state of mind right now, and I wouldn't take anything off the table. I imagine if she has your phone number, she'll be able to find pretty much everything else of yours with it.

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  • Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    To be safe, probably wanna lock down or temporarily disable any social media. If she found out so quickly you moved back it may because of Facebook or LinkedIn. Keep a paper trail of events, try to document everything as best you can with dates, messages, phone calls, etc.

    There are resources out there for finding out what you can via local and state laws, such as what the police can do and court orders. This link seems to have some info:
    https://victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/past-programs/stalking-resource-center/help-for-victims

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  • zepherinzepherin Registered User regular
    From a practical perspective. Replace the door strike plate and deadbolt with high security options. Use longer screws.

    A security camera and motion lighting are good deterrents if you own a house, and can give you enough to get a restraining order.

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  • chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    I hate to also bring up the potential of violence, but I might consider self-defense classes. I find Krav Maga to be the most practical (I do not practice anything), but you may want to ask if/when you talk to the police what they recommend.

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  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    It's good to establish a pattern, that's why you want to go ahead and file with the police for this incident. You don't want it to get to "well NOW she's crossed a line" and that's the first police report you've filed. Having a record and a history will help you with, for example, getting a restraining order in the future, should you end up needing one.

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  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    Yeah. What’s she’s done already crosses several lines, even if it hasn’t met the police’s threshold for taking action. Their threshold is pretty high.

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