As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/

Kids/Parenting: It’s fine, everything is fine.

11516182021101

Posts

  • tbloxhamtbloxham Registered User regular
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    urahonky wrote: »
    If you have friends who are interested in birth control just send them over to my house in the evening. Tonight the baby is just screaming in her room for no reason. My son (almost 5yr) threw a fit because he sat at the table for 45 minutes because we asked him to eat 3 bites of his chicken and rice that I cooked.

    He proceeded to throw his shoes at my wife which got him into more trouble. All over 2 more bites of the world's smallest chicken piece that I gave him.

    Oh no, is your son also my daughter?

    Tonight my son was happy to eat his dinner, provided he could do so like, lying on the chair with his feet on the table. This was not ok, and led to much strife, and then he kept on pretending he had like, accidentally rotated 180 degrees and put a foot on the table. Which caused more strife

    "That is cool" - Abraham Lincoln
  • GdiguyGdiguy San Diego, CARegistered User regular
    knight11e wrote: »
    Random parenting moment that made me laugh: in my experience there are 2 types of boys, car boys and dinosaur boys. My 4 year old son has been a car boy forever, but during his 4th birthday party with kids from his daycare he kept getting dinosaur presents. My wife and I looked at each other confused until around the 5th dinosaur present when I said, “do you think he just told the other kids to get him dinosaurs?” So we asked him that question and he said in a chipper voice, “I sure did!”

    It was funny to me.

    We just had our son's 3rd birthday party; he had to have 'lightning McQueen plates, dinosaur napkins, and excavator cups'. I guess he's overachieving?

  • ElJeffeElJeffe Moderator, ClubPA mod
    RickRude wrote: »
    You guys are frightening me. I'm only 3 months in and wondering if I'm up to the task.

    You're not.

    But you'll figure it out anyway, constantly wondering if you're fucking it up until one day you realize, oh hey, I guess I did all right.

    I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    as a seasoned mum who has almost kept her kid alive for 4 years (she turns 4 next monday!?! What!?) I can tell you that the best thing I ever heard from anybody regarding my kid was

    It doesn't get any better, it just gets different.

    The stuff that is stressful now (will they poop? will they sleep? Are they eating enough?) will change over time (just poop in the goddamned potty already! When will they sleep? Just eat something, anything, yes even that bowl of potato chips if it will get some calories into you).

    Some fights get easier, some get harder, some disappear, and all new ones start. It doesn't get better, it just gets different. But the different isn't always bad!

  • schussschuss Registered User regular
    Yep, also kids will just push the limits always, because that's basic human behavior.

  • MugsleyMugsley DelawareRegistered User regular
    My 9 yo constantly wants to be naked and I constantly worry she'll become a stripper.


    Yay girls

  • HevachHevach Registered User regular
    Mugsley wrote: »
    My 9 yo constantly wants to be naked and I constantly worry she'll become a stripper.


    Yay girls

    There is effectively zero correlation between what a 9 year old wants to do (whether this is what they say want to be when they grow up or what they are doing right now) and what they end up doing or wanting to do as an adult.

  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    Hevach wrote: »
    Mugsley wrote: »
    My 9 yo constantly wants to be naked and I constantly worry she'll become a stripper.


    Yay girls

    There is effectively zero correlation between what a 9 year old wants to do (whether this is what they say want to be when they grow up or what they are doing right now) and what they end up doing or wanting to do as an adult.

    Weirdly enough I'm doing the job I wanted when I was 10. But I'm pretty sure Mugsley was just making an off-color joke.

  • schussschuss Registered User regular
    Mugsley wrote: »
    My 9 yo constantly wants to be naked and I constantly worry she'll become a stripper.


    Yay girls

    My 3 year old is constantly in just underwear at home because everything is "too hot".
    I'm unworried as she's a human wheat thresher able to break the wills of most.
    Also, being naked is pretty great.

  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    Bel and I joke that our core goal for the kids was to help them be successful enough to afford their own therapy.

    Lol but also kinda real? This shit is hard! You'll wonder where you went wrong, and you definitely will a few times, but it's ok. It's ok. They'll be ok.

    Just try to keep the gap between what you try to teach them and what they learn from you as narrow as possible, and sort out the variance whenever you get a chance.

  • urahonkyurahonky Registered User regular
    This morning was yet another mess. He ended up hitting his mother because she asked him to stop working on his puzzle and pick out his cereal for breakfast.

  • Mojo_JojoMojo_Jojo We are only now beginning to understand the full power and ramifications of sexual intercourse Registered User regular
    Hevach wrote: »
    Mugsley wrote: »
    My 9 yo constantly wants to be naked and I constantly worry she'll become a stripper.


    Yay girls

    There is effectively zero correlation between what a 9 year old wants to do (whether this is what they say want to be when they grow up or what they are doing right now) and what they end up doing or wanting to do as an adult.

    You shut your mouth, I can still be an astronaut

    Homogeneous distribution of your varieties of amuse-gueule
  • MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    Cauld wrote: »
    My second birth was almost in my car, as the NYC marathon blocked traffic off in the area around my hospital hours after the event had ended. Gave birth very shortly after arriving. It was fun*

    I can't imagine the stress involved with that. Which hospital? My wife was afraid she'd go into labor while on the subway. Thankfully we had no issues going to the hospital either time.

    Subway might have been easier, but we thought a car would be faster that time of night..
    It was New York Presbyterian, but I guess it's called Mt Sinai West now

    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
  • CauldCauld Registered User regular
    Cauld wrote: »
    My second birth was almost in my car, as the NYC marathon blocked traffic off in the area around my hospital hours after the event had ended. Gave birth very shortly after arriving. It was fun*

    I can't imagine the stress involved with that. Which hospital? My wife was afraid she'd go into labor while on the subway. Thankfully we had no issues going to the hospital either time.

    Subway might have been easier, but we thought a car would be faster that time of night..
    It was New York Presbyterian, but I guess it's called Mt Sinai West now

    I would have made the same call. You can at least get out of a car, or get help more easily while in a car. We had our 1st at NY Presbyterian-Lower Manhattan and our our 2nd at Mt Sinai West. Our Dr changed affiliations about a month before the 2nd was born.

  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    edited February 2020
    Mojo_Jojo wrote: »
    Hevach wrote: »
    Mugsley wrote: »
    My 9 yo constantly wants to be naked and I constantly worry she'll become a stripper.


    Yay girls

    There is effectively zero correlation between what a 9 year old wants to do (whether this is what they say want to be when they grow up or what they are doing right now) and what they end up doing or wanting to do as an adult.

    You shut your mouth, I can still be an astronaut

    bpwrwalu2z4l.jpeg

    It is cute that our daughter picked the same profession I did as a kid - a vet.

    MichaelLC on
  • urahonkyurahonky Registered User regular
    So is there a "correct" way to handle kids throwing a fit? My daughter was getting very mouthy about everything so we sent her to her room. We're at 30ish minutes of her screaming. I know that I can go in there and calm her down but she needs to be able to do it herself. Am I doing this wrong?

  • BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    urahonky wrote: »
    So is there a "correct" way to handle kids throwing a fit? My daughter was getting very mouthy about everything so we sent her to her room. We're at 30ish minutes of her screaming. I know that I can go in there and calm her down but she needs to be able to do it herself. Am I doing this wrong?

    I think its really dependent on the kid. How old is she?

    "I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."

    The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

    Steam: Korvalain
  • urahonkyurahonky Registered User regular
    Brody wrote: »
    urahonky wrote: »
    So is there a "correct" way to handle kids throwing a fit? My daughter was getting very mouthy about everything so we sent her to her room. We're at 30ish minutes of her screaming. I know that I can go in there and calm her down but she needs to be able to do it herself. Am I doing this wrong?

    I think its really dependent on the kid. How old is she?

    6 years old.

  • CalicaCalica Registered User regular
    urahonky wrote: »
    Brody wrote: »
    urahonky wrote: »
    So is there a "correct" way to handle kids throwing a fit? My daughter was getting very mouthy about everything so we sent her to her room. We're at 30ish minutes of her screaming. I know that I can go in there and calm her down but she needs to be able to do it herself. Am I doing this wrong?

    I think its really dependent on the kid. How old is she?

    6 years old.
    I am not a parent and I'm terrible with kids. This is just what my mom did with me when I was I child, and as far as I can tell it worked pretty well.

    We had a particular corner for time-out. I would get sent there when I was being... well, there's a German nonsense word my mom would use that translates loosely to "stubborn" or "contrary" or "annoying." The corner had a three-minute hourglass. "Go to the corner" meant go sit in the corner for three minutes. (If I were being especially trying, it might be six minutes.) My mom would sit in the kitchen, where I could see her from the corner and she could see me. The rule for the corner was that I was to be quiet and reasonably still. If I argued, or tried to leave, or played with things, or any of the various things kids do when they're angry and want you to know it, I would be told to add another 3 minutes. She wouldn't speak to me or interact except to tell me to add more time (unless I genuinely needed something, obviously). There was nothing to do in the corner except wait. (Likewise, the enforced non-interaction gave my mom some much-needed time to calm down :razz: )

    With no distractions or stimulation, it got awfully hard to maintain whatever mood I was in. There was no further punishment except more time, so it was a negative feedback loop: every time I acted out, it just got harder to keep acting out. I was very rarely in the corner for more than six minutes.

    The interesting thing about this, in hindsight, is that sometimes when I was upset, I would go sit in the corner. I wasn't punishing myself; I didn't connect the dots until much later: I think, on some level, I had learned that the corner was where you went to process negative emotions, because nothing bad would happen there. It was just a place to be quiet.

  • Jebus314Jebus314 Registered User regular
    I really don't have much experience since our kid is still 7 months, but I've heard that it's best to not isolate them. So have them somewhere they can see you when in time out, but find some way of making sure they aren't still playing or acting like they aren't in timeout. You're also supposed to not send them to timeout until you have both calmed down and had a conversation about what went wrong.

    Reinforces the idea that timeouts are not about separation or withholding affection, but instead are about calming themselves and thinking about their actions.

    Or so I'm told. No idea if that really works with actual tiny humans who have like a 30 second attention span and barely formed sense of shame.

    "The world is a mess, and I just need to rule it" - Dr Horrible
  • matt has a problemmatt has a problem Points to 'off' Points to 'on'Registered User regular
    urahonky wrote: »
    So is there a "correct" way to handle kids throwing a fit? My daughter was getting very mouthy about everything so we sent her to her room. We're at 30ish minutes of her screaming. I know that I can go in there and calm her down but she needs to be able to do it herself. Am I doing this wrong?

    With our son, we'd either wait for him to scream it out and get quiet, or if it became apparent he wasn't going to quite down himself we'd go in and say something like "Are you ready to talk normal?" and if he continued to scream, leave and try again in a few more minutes.

    nibXTE7.png
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    Ellie gets sat on the steps.

    The second step is one minute, third step is ninety seconds. And so on up.

    I stay in visual contact with her, and when her time is up, calmly all of she's ready to talk.

    If she screams at me or tries to hit the air, she gets another thirty seconds.

    Once we're done that part, we come off the steps, go into her room, cuddle on the rocker and talk about why she had to go on the step.

    Recently it's been a whole lot of sass and attitude. Which o expect her to have at almost four, but that doesn't mean it needs to be all the time.

  • Jebus314Jebus314 Registered User regular
    urahonky wrote: »
    So is there a "correct" way to handle kids throwing a fit? My daughter was getting very mouthy about everything so we sent her to her room. We're at 30ish minutes of her screaming. I know that I can go in there and calm her down but she needs to be able to do it herself. Am I doing this wrong?

    With our son, we'd either wait for him to scream it out and get quiet, or if it became apparent he wasn't going to quite down himself we'd go in and say something like "Are you ready to talk normal?" and if he continued to scream, leave and try again in a few more minutes.

    It's funny because the "go to your room" punishment never worked on me. I liked it just fine in my room. Play with my toys. Didn't want to be around anyone anyway. But it worked gangbusters on my wife. She could not handle not being involved with whatever everyone else was doing.

    "The world is a mess, and I just need to rule it" - Dr Horrible
  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    We set our timeouts to 1 minute per year of age. So I'd probably go back in every 6-8 min and calmly check "are you ready to talk normally yet?"

    If not, shut the door and leave. This worked well until the youngest discovered that actual damage to the room (thrown objects, ripping books, wall kicking, general destruction) brought us in, and we had to think of new tactics for him.

  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    Jebus314 wrote: »
    urahonky wrote: »
    So is there a "correct" way to handle kids throwing a fit? My daughter was getting very mouthy about everything so we sent her to her room. We're at 30ish minutes of her screaming. I know that I can go in there and calm her down but she needs to be able to do it herself. Am I doing this wrong?

    With our son, we'd either wait for him to scream it out and get quiet, or if it became apparent he wasn't going to quite down himself we'd go in and say something like "Are you ready to talk normal?" and if he continued to scream, leave and try again in a few more minutes.

    It's funny because the "go to your room" punishment never worked on me. I liked it just fine in my room. Play with my toys. Didn't want to be around anyone anyway. But it worked gangbusters on my wife. She could not handle not being involved with whatever everyone else was doing.

    Yep. Separation from the group for bad behavior works great sometimes, will encourage bad behavior other times...

    Tiny humans are frustrating!

  • BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    As a kid, I could care less about time out. I would sit at the kitchen table for any length of time to pretty much 0 effect.

    "I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."

    The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

    Steam: Korvalain
  • ElJeffeElJeffe Moderator, ClubPA mod
    I will say that the precise consequences you come up with are less important than being transparent and consistent.

    "If you do X, the consequence will always be Y." As long as that rule has zero exceptions and Y is something they don't want, you're probably good.

    If they spend their time screaming or something and you want them quiet, just establish that timeout is however many minutes of them being quiet. Timer doesn't begin until they quiet down. This will also reinforce the idea that timeout is about getting them calm and reasonable, not just punishment.

    I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
  • MugsleyMugsley DelawareRegistered User regular
    My kids definitely have mine and my wife's sarcastic sense of humor.

    I asked them to get the trash and recycle together while I was in the bathroom. This was the result:
    smpkfjestxjd.jpg

  • urahonkyurahonky Registered User regular
    Thanks for the responses everyone. It sounds like we do roughly the same thing. My wife ended up going in there and calming her down after 45 minutes. We have a rule that if one of us sends them into timeout then they are the only ones to get them out.

    I think if she doesn't get enough of an outlet she gets like this.... And with the weather being so cold it's impossible for her to burn it out of her. Shortly after she came out and apologized to everyone she was back to normal. Ate plenty of dinner and slept well.

  • TarantioTarantio Registered User regular
    Tarantio wrote: »
    Our first kid was due on Monday.

    I'm generally a very patient person. I know it will come when it comes, and there's no use stressing over it.

    It does feel odd to be getting on the bus to work in the morning, though. It's about a 35 minute trip, and at some points the next bus back will be an hour away.

    These are not the circumstances most conducive to getting work done. Probably better that it's pretty slow at the office right now, but also little distraction.

    I'm mostly posting this to increase the potential irony if labor starts in the next hour.

    Turns out I needn't have worried. Contractions started Saturday morning, we went to the hospital at 2pm, and she gave birth early Sunday morning.

    Of course, the problems are so rarely what you worry about. The baby needed help with breathing, so she was in the (Swedish equivalent of the) NICU until this afternoon. Spent her first four or so days sedated and on a ventilator.

    As of today she's unhooked from all the machines, not taking anything stronger than antibiotics, moved into a room with just my wife and I, and just incredibly sweet. Her name is Nell.

    (I don't even want to imagine what this would have cost if we had been in the US, where I grew up.)

  • Kane Red RobeKane Red Robe Master of Magic ArcanusRegistered User regular
    Tarantio wrote: »
    Tarantio wrote: »
    Our first kid was due on Monday.

    I'm generally a very patient person. I know it will come when it comes, and there's no use stressing over it.

    It does feel odd to be getting on the bus to work in the morning, though. It's about a 35 minute trip, and at some points the next bus back will be an hour away.

    These are not the circumstances most conducive to getting work done. Probably better that it's pretty slow at the office right now, but also little distraction.

    I'm mostly posting this to increase the potential irony if labor starts in the next hour.

    Turns out I needn't have worried. Contractions started Saturday morning, we went to the hospital at 2pm, and she gave birth early Sunday morning.

    Of course, the problems are so rarely what you worry about. The baby needed help with breathing, so she was in the (Swedish equivalent of the) NICU until this afternoon. Spent her first four or so days sedated and on a ventilator.

    As of today she's unhooked from all the machines, not taking anything stronger than antibiotics, moved into a room with just my wife and I, and just incredibly sweet. Her name is Nell.

    (I don't even want to imagine what this would have cost if we had been in the US, where I grew up.)

    Congratulations!

  • HevachHevach Registered User regular
    edited February 2020
    Tarantio wrote: »
    Tarantio wrote: »
    Our first kid was due on Monday.

    I'm generally a very patient person. I know it will come when it comes, and there's no use stressing over it.

    It does feel odd to be getting on the bus to work in the morning, though. It's about a 35 minute trip, and at some points the next bus back will be an hour away.

    These are not the circumstances most conducive to getting work done. Probably better that it's pretty slow at the office right now, but also little distraction.

    I'm mostly posting this to increase the potential irony if labor starts in the next hour.

    Turns out I needn't have worried. Contractions started Saturday morning, we went to the hospital at 2pm, and she gave birth early Sunday morning.

    Of course, the problems are so rarely what you worry about. The baby needed help with breathing, so she was in the (Swedish equivalent of the) NICU until this afternoon. Spent her first four or so days sedated and on a ventilator.

    As of today she's unhooked from all the machines, not taking anything stronger than antibiotics, moved into a room with just my wife and I, and just incredibly sweet. Her name is Nell.

    (I don't even want to imagine what this would have cost if we had been in the US, where I grew up.)

    Had two kids in the NICU, work insurance is awful but has really good terms for childbirth and covered everything. The second time, however, somebody fucked up the data entry and transposed two digits on the social security number, so the charges got returned as uncovered. Bill for the birthing room (this was a scheduled C-section so we were only in the room to change and talk to the OB) was $16,000, $145,000 for the C-section, $27,000 for anesthesia, $275,000 for four days in the NICU, not counting the ventilator which was another bill. Never got that bill because insurance fixed the glitch and everything went away.

    Not unusual even with insurance to be paying up to $20k for all of that - my insurance is very weird in that it's worse than nothing for many things (flu shot is $45 out of pocket or $52.50 copay) but we're out less than $10 for two C-sections and ten days of combined NICU time.

    Hevach on
  • ElJeffeElJeffe Moderator, ClubPA mod
    Yeah, I think the cost of a perfect birth where nothing goes wrong and you have a short labor is somewhere around $30k.

    It's fucking crazy.

    I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
  • CorvusCorvus . VancouverRegistered User regular
    ElJeffe wrote: »
    Yeah, I think the cost of a perfect birth where nothing goes wrong and you have a short labor is somewhere around $30k.

    It's fucking crazy.

    <insert blinky dude meme>

    Holy shit.

    I'm Canadian. My wife had an unplanned c-section, we stayed in the hospital for a couple of days after birth. I paid $80 or something for a three day parking pass and bought some random meals at the cafeteria...



    :so_raven:
  • GorkGork Registered User regular
    “We” had an unplanned c-section in the best hospital in the area with private rooms and an overnight nursery. We ended up having to stay a week so they could monitor my wife. Our total out of pocket was $175, but we’re both US federal employees with the accompanying excellent insurance. The total billed was somewhere around $80k.

    I put quotations on we because my wife would punch me in the dick for claiming credit for what she went through.

  • CarpyCarpy Registered User regular
    My wife had 40 hours labor before going into an emergency C-section. I think we were in the hospital Friday-Wednesday, $500* out of pocket. Thankfully Kaiser just has a flat fee for births and everything associated with it.

    I was amazed at how quickly everything went once a C-section was decided on. I think it was less than 15 minutes from decision to me being suited up and them wheeling her into the OR. I probably spent 20 minutes waiting in the recovery room while they prepped her for surgery but once they started the procedure it was under 5 minutes for him to be born.

    *The first time I tried to pay the fee their payment system crashed in the middle of the transaction. It ended up in some weird state where they never had any record of the payment but I was definitely charged $500. It was a mess to fix and I had to float an extra $500 for a while.

  • HevachHevach Registered User regular
    Carpy wrote: »
    I was amazed at how quickly everything went once a C-section was decided on. I think it was less than 15 minutes from decision to me being suited up and them wheeling her into the OR. I probably spent 20 minutes waiting in the recovery room while they prepped her for surgery but once they started the procedure it was under 5 minutes for him to be born.

    Emergency C-sections are incredibly fast, especially if your wife already had an epidural. They don't even need any extra anesthesia then, for my wife they just cranked that up. Our hospital's record decision-to-baby was 4 minutes, though my wife's was about twenty (there's degrees of emergency, for really dangerous situations they'll just dump some disinfectant on her belly and do it right on the birthing bed, like your wife mine got the full OR treatment).

  • CauldCauld Registered User regular
    Each of our 2 kids cost $100 to be delivered. Thankfully there weren't any complications, but even if they were it still would have been $100. We could have spent a few hundred a night extra for a private room, but my wife didn't think it was worth it.

    A lot of the numbers on an explanation of benefits are basically made up at this point. One my kids recently had a vaccine that "cost" $1100, but which our insurance paid $40 for with $0 copay.

  • Jebus314Jebus314 Registered User regular
    ElJeffe wrote: »
    Yeah, I think the cost of a perfect birth where nothing goes wrong and you have a short labor is somewhere around $30k.

    It's fucking crazy.

    You're talking about before insurance though. I don't think we paid more than $5k or something out of pocket. Which is still crazy high, but at least conceivable for most middle income folks.

    "The world is a mess, and I just need to rule it" - Dr Horrible
  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    Tarantio wrote: »
    Tarantio wrote: »
    Our first kid was due on Monday.

    I'm generally a very patient person. I know it will come when it comes, and there's no use stressing over it.

    It does feel odd to be getting on the bus to work in the morning, though. It's about a 35 minute trip, and at some points the next bus back will be an hour away.

    These are not the circumstances most conducive to getting work done. Probably better that it's pretty slow at the office right now, but also little distraction.

    I'm mostly posting this to increase the potential irony if labor starts in the next hour.

    Turns out I needn't have worried. Contractions started Saturday morning, we went to the hospital at 2pm, and she gave birth early Sunday morning.

    Of course, the problems are so rarely what you worry about. The baby needed help with breathing, so she was in the (Swedish equivalent of the) NICU until this afternoon. Spent her first four or so days sedated and on a ventilator.

    As of today she's unhooked from all the machines, not taking anything stronger than antibiotics, moved into a room with just my wife and I, and just incredibly sweet. Her name is Nell.

    (I don't even want to imagine what this would have cost if we had been in the US, where I grew up.)

    Congratulations! I love that name, great choice!

    Battle.net ID: kime#1822
    3DS Friend Code: 3110-5393-4113
    Steam profile
Sign In or Register to comment.