So I decided to give Hinge a try. So far it feels like a better space. You definitely get the feeling it’s for people looking for an actual relationship.
The massive downside is the process when you want to like someone of finding the right picture or prompt to “like” and formulating the perfect comment to send them is super draining, and creates an emotional investment that can’t be healthy in this situation.
I'd forgotten how draining it was to think of messages back when I was trying to use OKCupid before the swipe apps became predominant. Doing it dozens of times in a few days to no positive response when I delved into Hinge initially was extremely demoralizing.
I’ve been getting a decent amount of matches as I’ve been using it for a few days now (more than Bumble and Tinder in the same period of time when I’d be using one or the other primarily, with a significantly higher response rate). I think there is a weird initial period where the app doesn’t really know who to show your profile to, or who to show you. I still don’t get a lot of likes unless I like someone first, but I suspect that has more to do with how women use the app. Presumably spending more time filtering through the likes and comments they receive.
I think I may be liking it the best now, but that emotional investment it creates in non-matches is still rough.
Most dating apps give a bump to new accounts to get the new user hooked and to quickly build up desirability data on them. If you're a long-term app user, its usually best to reset your accounts every few months or so.
So I decided to give Hinge a try. So far it feels like a better space. You definitely get the feeling it’s for people looking for an actual relationship.
The massive downside is the process when you want to like someone of finding the right picture or prompt to “like” and formulating the perfect comment to send them is super draining, and creates an emotional investment that can’t be healthy in this situation.
I'd forgotten how draining it was to think of messages back when I was trying to use OKCupid before the swipe apps became predominant. Doing it dozens of times in a few days to no positive response when I delved into Hinge initially was extremely demoralizing.
I’ve been getting a decent amount of matches as I’ve been using it for a few days now (more than Bumble and Tinder in the same period of time when I’d be using one or the other primarily, with a significantly higher response rate). I think there is a weird initial period where the app doesn’t really know who to show your profile to, or who to show you. I still don’t get a lot of likes unless I like someone first, but I suspect that has more to do with how women use the app. Presumably spending more time filtering through the likes and comments they receive.
I think I may be liking it the best now, but that emotional investment it creates in non-matches is still rough.
Most dating apps give a bump to new accounts to get the new user hooked and to quickly build up desirability data on them. If you're a long-term app user, its usually best to reset your accounts every few months or so.
So I decided to give Hinge a try. So far it feels like a better space. You definitely get the feeling it’s for people looking for an actual relationship.
The massive downside is the process when you want to like someone of finding the right picture or prompt to “like” and formulating the perfect comment to send them is super draining, and creates an emotional investment that can’t be healthy in this situation.
I'd forgotten how draining it was to think of messages back when I was trying to use OKCupid before the swipe apps became predominant. Doing it dozens of times in a few days to no positive response when I delved into Hinge initially was extremely demoralizing.
I’ve been getting a decent amount of matches as I’ve been using it for a few days now (more than Bumble and Tinder in the same period of time when I’d be using one or the other primarily, with a significantly higher response rate). I think there is a weird initial period where the app doesn’t really know who to show your profile to, or who to show you. I still don’t get a lot of likes unless I like someone first, but I suspect that has more to do with how women use the app. Presumably spending more time filtering through the likes and comments they receive.
I think I may be liking it the best now, but that emotional investment it creates in non-matches is still rough.
Most dating apps give a bump to new accounts to get the new user hooked and to quickly build up desirability data on them. If you're a long-term app user, its usually best to reset your accounts every few months or so.
How do you reset them?
For Tinder, close your account, uninstall it from your phone, remove Tinder from your Facebook settings, make a fresh Facebook account, redownload Tinder, and then sign up using the fresh Facebook account. Or, you could alternate between using your Facebook account and your phone number, provided you wait about 3 months between each reset (its not guaranteed to actually reset, though, that way).
So I decided to give Hinge a try. So far it feels like a better space. You definitely get the feeling it’s for people looking for an actual relationship.
The massive downside is the process when you want to like someone of finding the right picture or prompt to “like” and formulating the perfect comment to send them is super draining, and creates an emotional investment that can’t be healthy in this situation.
I'd forgotten how draining it was to think of messages back when I was trying to use OKCupid before the swipe apps became predominant. Doing it dozens of times in a few days to no positive response when I delved into Hinge initially was extremely demoralizing.
I’ve been getting a decent amount of matches as I’ve been using it for a few days now (more than Bumble and Tinder in the same period of time when I’d be using one or the other primarily, with a significantly higher response rate). I think there is a weird initial period where the app doesn’t really know who to show your profile to, or who to show you. I still don’t get a lot of likes unless I like someone first, but I suspect that has more to do with how women use the app. Presumably spending more time filtering through the likes and comments they receive.
I think I may be liking it the best now, but that emotional investment it creates in non-matches is still rough.
Most dating apps give a bump to new accounts to get the new user hooked and to quickly build up desirability data on them. If you're a long-term app user, its usually best to reset your accounts every few months or so.
How do you reset them?
For Tinder, close your account, uninstall it from your phone, remove Tinder from your Facebook settings, make a fresh Facebook account, redownload Tinder, and then sign up using the fresh Facebook account. Or, you could alternate between using your Facebook account and your phone number, provided you wait about 3 months between each reset (its not guaranteed to actually reset, though, that way).
So I decided to give Hinge a try. So far it feels like a better space. You definitely get the feeling it’s for people looking for an actual relationship.
The massive downside is the process when you want to like someone of finding the right picture or prompt to “like” and formulating the perfect comment to send them is super draining, and creates an emotional investment that can’t be healthy in this situation.
I'd forgotten how draining it was to think of messages back when I was trying to use OKCupid before the swipe apps became predominant. Doing it dozens of times in a few days to no positive response when I delved into Hinge initially was extremely demoralizing.
I’ve been getting a decent amount of matches as I’ve been using it for a few days now (more than Bumble and Tinder in the same period of time when I’d be using one or the other primarily, with a significantly higher response rate). I think there is a weird initial period where the app doesn’t really know who to show your profile to, or who to show you. I still don’t get a lot of likes unless I like someone first, but I suspect that has more to do with how women use the app. Presumably spending more time filtering through the likes and comments they receive.
I think I may be liking it the best now, but that emotional investment it creates in non-matches is still rough.
Most dating apps give a bump to new accounts to get the new user hooked and to quickly build up desirability data on them. If you're a long-term app user, its usually best to reset your accounts every few months or so.
How do you reset them?
For Tinder, close your account, uninstall it from your phone, remove Tinder from your Facebook settings, make a fresh Facebook account, redownload Tinder, and then sign up using the fresh Facebook account. Or, you could alternate between using your Facebook account and your phone number, provided you wait about 3 months between each reset (its not guaranteed to actually reset, though, that way).
Oh, that's all?
It sounds like a lot, but you don't have to delete your old Facebook account nor fill up your new one. The entire process takes about 10 minutes, end to end.
OKc decided to redo how you search for people as in their words it was too confusing
My account is stuck as I had it set to anywhere and anything {I did not click hookups or casual as it awkward enough talking to women} So I cannot search and still have to do the boring trawl of double take and discovery
So sadly I feel it's best to walk away as it just was not working for me
Did Tinder start doing something new? I’ve had two dead conversations (one that never even got a reply!) start back up today by the person reaching back out.
I also had a match that never respond to an opening message pop back up on my new match list last week with the initial message gone.
I been exchanging messages with someone in OKCupid, which is rare enough for me as it is, and she seems cool.
She just let me know that she recognized me from the (very active) Meetup group I run. She apparently never attended any events but must have checked it enough to remember my picture.
It's pretty amusing, but also makes me feel a bit weird since now she knows me better than I realized.
Been back on the dating apps for about 2 or 3 weeks. Hinge is mostly successful. I've managed to match with about 75 women so far, but I've only seen about 8 people in person. Another tonight, one tomorrow then another Saturday. So far no one has looked very much like their photos, which is frustrating to be honest. I try to be honest with the photos that I share about myself. I don't understand the bait and switch mentality with these apps. Are they thinking that I'm going to get to the date, see that they look almost completely different from their photos and think: "well I already drove 10 minutes to get here, might as well marry this person"?
Been back on the dating apps for about 2 or 3 weeks. Hinge is mostly successful. I've managed to match with about 75 women so far, but I've only seen about 8 people in person. Another tonight, one tomorrow then another Saturday. So far no one has looked very much like their photos, which is frustrating to be honest. I try to be honest with the photos that I share about myself. I don't understand the bait and switch mentality with these apps. Are they thinking that I'm going to get to the date, see that they look almost completely different from their photos and think: "well I already drove 10 minutes to get here, might as well marry this person"?
How recent were the photos? Anything in a public space with people around is probably a bit dated and a lot of people don't quite look the same after months of the pandemic. I've seen even martial arts and fashion youtubers get noticeably rounder and let themselves go a bit.
OrcaAlso known as EspressosaurusWrexRegistered Userregular
Yeah. My close cropped hair has turned into a 70's bush and I've gained a few pounds like everybody else. Kinda a thing that happens when you're cooped up for months on end.
I still am confused about dating in a pandemic so sometimes I chat with people and then let it fizzle away because hey there’s still a pandemic going on, I don’t know where I will be or live, I have barely even seen my closest friends and when I do it’s distanced and outside etc so like
The pandemic has mostly been contained here, so things are kind of back to normal more or less. So dating is happening again, just socially distanced.
And it's hard to tell how recent the photos are, but it's really common it seems for people to use 2-5 year old photos, or generous use of filters. I'm really not that superficial, but some of the differences between photos and real life is shocking.
Most dating apps give a bump to new accounts to get the new user hooked and to quickly build up desirability data on them. If you're a long-term app user, its usually best to reset your accounts every few months or so.
Yeah, when I first tested Hinge I got three likes in the first day, and I think I've had two in however many months since that was. Granted, I doubt Hinge has a market share anywhere close to Tinder/Bumble here in Sweden.
I am looking to jump into online dating soon, are there any other websites I should check out besides OkCupid, POF, or Bumble? I am pulling these from the original post and I know things may have changed a lot in the past five years.
I am looking to jump into online dating soon, are there any other websites I should check out besides OkCupid, POF, or Bumble? I am pulling these from the original post and I know things may have changed a lot in the past five years.
I'd maybe cut POF from that list. They've been having some issues where certain profiles (or even the site itself) will load browser hijacking scripts or something. Not sure if it was resolved, but for a month-long period, I couldn't do more than log in, check out my own profile, and immediately log out (also, it wasn't the first time it's happened).
| Origin/R*SC: Ein7919 | Battle.net: Erlkonig#1448 | XBL: Lexicanum | Steam: Der Erlkönig (the umlaut is important) |
I am looking to jump into online dating soon, are there any other websites I should check out besides OkCupid, POF, or Bumble? I am pulling these from the original post and I know things may have changed a lot in the past five years.
Hinge is the new hotness, apparently. A lot of folks on these forums are using Hinge.
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thatassemblyguyJanitor of Technical Debt.Registered Userregular
I am looking to jump into online dating soon, are there any other websites I should check out besides OkCupid, POF, or Bumble? I am pulling these from the original post and I know things may have changed a lot in the past five years.
Yeah, OKCupid and POF aren't likely to be good times. Recommend Hahnsoo1's suggestion of Hinge, or Bumble. If your area has active Tinder that can be used, but just be ready to have your boundaries clearly established if you're not looking to do the hookup thing (This goes for the others, but still applies a little bit more to Tinder).
I am looking to jump into online dating soon, are there any other websites I should check out besides OkCupid, POF, or Bumble? I am pulling these from the original post and I know things may have changed a lot in the past five years.
Yeah, OKCupid and POF aren't likely to be good times. Recommend Hahnsoo1's suggestion of Hinge, or Bumble. If your area has active Tinder that can be used, but just be ready to have your boundaries clearly established if you're not looking to do the hookup thing (This goes for the others, but still applies a little bit more to Tinder).
Thanks for the suggestions, I'll look into Hinge and Bumble. I am not really looking for hookups, I prefer something more serious, is it still worth checking out Tinder?
I am looking to jump into online dating soon, are there any other websites I should check out besides OkCupid, POF, or Bumble? I am pulling these from the original post and I know things may have changed a lot in the past five years.
Yeah, OKCupid and POF aren't likely to be good times. Recommend Hahnsoo1's suggestion of Hinge, or Bumble. If your area has active Tinder that can be used, but just be ready to have your boundaries clearly established if you're not looking to do the hookup thing (This goes for the others, but still applies a little bit more to Tinder).
Thanks for the suggestions, I'll look into Hinge and Bumble. I am not really looking for hookups, I prefer something more serious, is it still worth checking out Tinder?
Yes, Tinder has a lot of people looking for serious relationships, particularly if you're 30+ (but also younger too).
I am looking to jump into online dating soon, are there any other websites I should check out besides OkCupid, POF, or Bumble? I am pulling these from the original post and I know things may have changed a lot in the past five years.
Yeah, OKCupid and POF aren't likely to be good times. Recommend Hahnsoo1's suggestion of Hinge, or Bumble. If your area has active Tinder that can be used, but just be ready to have your boundaries clearly established if you're not looking to do the hookup thing (This goes for the others, but still applies a little bit more to Tinder).
Thanks for the suggestions, I'll look into Hinge and Bumble. I am not really looking for hookups, I prefer something more serious, is it still worth checking out Tinder?
Yes, Tinder has a lot of people looking for serious relationships, particularly if you're 30+ (but also younger too).
I'm not in the US, but women over 30 in my Eastern European country on Tinder are pretty much all or at least mostly looking for serious relationships only, which suits me fine.
In Canada I recommend Hinge and Bumble. Tinder is good but it's honestly too saturated with people and I've become convinced that (unless you pay for the premium version) the app actively tries to not show you profiles that have already liked you (and I assume vice versa). Given the volume of people on the app, it makes matching a lot harder I've found.
The reason I came to this conclusion is that the app shows I had something like 70 likes pending. I went 4 days maxing out my swipes and that number went down by 2. Given I probably swipe left 75% of the time, and you get 100 right swipes a day, that's 1600 swipes and it only showed me 2 people who had previously liked me. I'm sure there's something wrong with my methodology, but I've been on tinder, hinge and bumble around the same amount of time and have hundreds of matches between bumble and hinge and like...4 on tinder.
In terms of an update, I've been seeing two people I rather like, one from hinge one from bumble. One has moved along very fast and the other has moved along very slow. But I like the slow moving girl a lot more. I'm getting to the point where I'm going to have to choose pretty soon and am not sure how to navigate the situation. Thoughts?
In Canada I recommend Hinge and Bumble. Tinder is good but it's honestly too saturated with people and I've become convinced that (unless you pay for the premium version) the app actively tries to not show you profiles that have already liked you (and I assume vice versa). Given the volume of people on the app, it makes matching a lot harder I've found.
The reason I came to this conclusion is that the app shows I had something like 70 likes pending. I went 4 days maxing out my swipes and that number went down by 2. Given I probably swipe left 75% of the time, and you get 100 right swipes a day, that's 1600 swipes and it only showed me 2 people who had previously liked me. I'm sure there's something wrong with my methodology, but I've been on tinder, hinge and bumble around the same amount of time and have hundreds of matches between bumble and hinge and like...4 on tinder.
In terms of an update, I've been seeing two people I rather like, one from hinge one from bumble. One has moved along very fast and the other has moved along very slow. But I like the slow moving girl a lot more. I'm getting to the point where I'm going to have to choose pretty soon and am not sure how to navigate the situation. Thoughts?
Right now, likes on Tinder are rather inflated due to their "go global" covid feature, where you can match with people in any city you choose. So, you'll collect likes from all over the world that are pointless if you're looking to actually date someone.
Regarding your dating issue, I can't give you help in picking one, but if you feel a choice imminent, perhaps it is time to make a big move in slower moving relationship.
Also, I'm 95% sure that the 'like' count on Tinder won't decrease if you swipe left on someone that liked you. My area's not quite as populated and sometimes I can clearly tell when the blurry photo on the like page matches the first photo in the profile.
Also, I'm 95% sure that the 'like' count on Tinder won't decrease if you swipe left on someone that liked you. My area's not quite as populated and sometimes I can clearly tell when the blurry photo on the like page matches the first photo in the profile.
I can also tell when the blurry photo on the like page never matches anyone they show me ever.
Also, I'm 95% sure that the 'like' count on Tinder won't decrease if you swipe left on someone that liked you. My area's not quite as populated and sometimes I can clearly tell when the blurry photo on the like page matches the first photo in the profile.
I've seen my likes decrease when I swipe left on someone that's liked me, though not always immediately. It'll sometimes save that for a later popup: "Oh no! You missed a potential match! Sign up for Tinder Gold to find out who!"
Also, I'm 95% sure that the 'like' count on Tinder won't decrease if you swipe left on someone that liked you. My area's not quite as populated and sometimes I can clearly tell when the blurry photo on the like page matches the first photo in the profile.
Yeah, there's a very distinctive one that I know for a fact that I swiped left on like two weeks ago that still shows as a blurred "like".
In terms of an update, I've been seeing two people I rather like, one from hinge one from bumble. One has moved along very fast and the other has moved along very slow. But I like the slow moving girl a lot more. I'm getting to the point where I'm going to have to choose pretty soon and am not sure how to navigate the situation. Thoughts?
This is your chance for madcap simultaneous dates, complete with bathroom break wardrobe changes, hilarious conversation mixups, and an inevitable explosion at the end when they both find out. Sure, you end the night with no ladies, but you will be living your best life and you will have a good story for your next match.
Yeah I'm convinced now that Tinder actively doesn't want you to match with anyone if you don't pay for Gold.
Monetization of dating apps is a weird thing. They profit off of you being single for longer but have to provide enough success to be viewed as worthwhile enough to pay for.
They also can't make any guarantees of success but still have to allude to it, e.g. Hinge has a marketing line about being an app designed to give you a reason to delete it.
In terms of an update, I've been seeing two people I rather like, one from hinge one from bumble. One has moved along very fast and the other has moved along very slow. But I like the slow moving girl a lot more. I'm getting to the point where I'm going to have to choose pretty soon and am not sure how to navigate the situation. Thoughts?
This is your chance for madcap simultaneous dates, complete with bathroom break wardrobe changes, hilarious conversation mixups, and an inevitable explosion at the end when they both find out. Sure, you end the night with no ladies, but you will be living your best life and you will have a good story for your next match.
This is close to how things played out, ultimately.
2020 being 2020 I didn't have many photos taken of me, which is a bummer because I ended up getting in the best shape of my life.
Yesterday I was trying on a shirt and it struck me how different my body looks after I took a picture.
Now, I don't think I can use this picture, since it seems kinda douchy... but any ideas on how I could take something similar that gets the same point across?
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thatassemblyguyJanitor of Technical Debt.Registered Userregular
@kyougu - recommend trying to find a way to get some photos of you doing an activity while having fun. In pre-covid times I'd suggest finding a way to get some of the photos they take to sell during running races, but that's not an option here.
I'm not sure there's a good option outside of staged photos doing something active (throwing a frisbee, etc) while socially distanced, but I'm also not super creative when it comes to demonstrating them gains.
Yeah, the classic way to sneak in fit bod pics is to use outdoor social pictures where it'd make sense to be shirtless (beach, pool, sports, etc) where people would naturally be taking pictures of you just having fun or accomplishing something. That being said, if you really need to, you could use that same photo setup you've got there, but put yourself in a knowingly goofy situation to be flexing in (like competing in a flex off with your 8-year old niece) as long as you have a giant grin on your face.
Yeah, the classic way to sneak in fit bod pics is to use outdoor social pictures where it'd make sense to be shirtless (beach, pool, sports, etc) where people would naturally be taking pictures of you just having fun or accomplishing something. That being said, if you really need to, you could use that same photo setup you've got there, but put yourself in a knowingly goofy situation to be flexing in (like competing in a flex off with your 8-year old niece) as long as you have a giant grin on your face.
Does @Kyougu have a niece already or should we also be helping his siblings with their profiles?
Alright, with things opening up a bit, I've been getting back out there. A post in H/A reminded me how important having a discussion group is to share your progress. So, here's another messaging transcription that someone may find useful. One thing I've noted is that, with the pandemic, I often need to talk with women a bit longer than was the case pre-pandemic. Before, I could often get away with asking for a date in the first 3-4 exchanges since it usually resulted in a "Sure, why not!" type of response. Now, I find I have to build up a bit more comfort, since the pandemic has (rightfully) made people a bit more cautious in meeting up socially.
Spoilered for length:
Me: Hi [hername], you seem like you might be interesting. If you'd like to chat, just say hi.
Her:
Hi [myname]. How are you?
Sure we can chat haha.
How do I seem like I might be interesting? I just have some pics and no bio lol.
Her: I find it quite impressive that you were able to eat a whole large pizza without even realizing lol.
How has your day been?
Me: Lol, my day has been hot. Just finished working out and kinda regretting it since the a/c isn't on yet.
Her: Oh my goodness! You should turn your AC on!!!
Me: It is now, still hot tho
Me: And your pics do tell a bit of a story
Her:
I am sitting here having a beer in my freshly tidied and ac'd living room dreading going into the kitchen to clean it haha
I'm not sure how it gets so messy so quickly lol
Hahaha oh and what kinda story do my pics tell?
That If fed up of being in Tinder so wasn't even putting any effort into my profile anymore at this point? Haha 😜😂
Me: That's a common refrain, but I can still see the hope in your eyes -- it isn't fully extinguished yet
Her:
Hahaha ohhh those pics are from like a year ago lol
I haven't updated my profile in a year. Maybe a bit more hahaha
So tell me about yourself besides your height and impressive pizza eating skills 😝
Me: My pizza eating skills aren't enough?! What the hell?
Her: Hahahaha
Me: The past couple years I've decided to try a shit ton of new things. Got out of the family business, traveled around a bunch, went back to school, and started a new career. The last little while has been kind to me, despite everything. How's your stuff going?
Her: Ohhh wow good for you that's so impressive!!! So what is the family business?
Her: Lol my stuff is going all to shit but enough about me. 😝😂
Me: It ain't the family business anymore, I got out after I decided I didn't want to take it over and so we sold it. Thank god we did because it was a restaurant a year before covid hit
Her: [lots of personal backstory]
Her: I didn't mean to send right then but now that distracted me and got me off track so back to you... Haha that sounds really cool! What kind of restaurant? What did you go back to school to do?
Me: It was [the name of my restaurant], glamorous as fuck, I know
Me: I had a degree in accounting from way back, so I'm finally going to get my CPA certification now. Better late than never What kinda schooling are you considering?
Her: [more backstory]
Her:
Sorry for the pause there I was doing some dishes.
Is your place cooling down?
I think I'm about to turn off my AC.
Me: Yup, its getting cool just in time for bed. And you still have plenty of time to decide what you wanna be when you grow up. ;p I'm still deciding and I'm doing ok
Her: Hahahaha thanks 😝
Her: Would ya like me to let you go for the night if you're just getting into bed?
Me: Its all good. Tell me, are you comfortable doing outdoor meetups?
Her:
Okay
Yeah outdoor meet ups are alright lol.
I honestly don't meet people very often. As I kind of have implied, I haven't really put much effort into Tinder.
How about yourself?
Me: Less often now due to it being hard to do much, but I still try to get out once a week or so.
Me: If the company is right
Her: Lol oh nice nice. So you have met quite a few people on here then? 😛
Me: A few
Me: Haven't gotten murdered yet, but we'll see!
Her: Oh yes, I could very well be a serial killer 😜
Her: So what are you seeking on here?
Me: I'm not looking to get married right away or anything, but the door isn't closed to longer term stuff either
Her: Lol
Her: No I require a marriage proposal within the first 3 months of meeting someone. 😒
Her: [laughing emojis]
Me: Oh shit!
Her: So what you're saying is I'm not going to get proposed to within the first 3 months of us meeting? 💔
Her: Omg I can't tell if you can tell I'm completely joking or not... I suppose text can be hard to interpret 😳 and now I am totally over thinking what I just said.
Me: I like letting the suspense linger ;p
Me: Tell you what, if you promise not to murder me or propose marriage, let's get together for a quick get-to-know-you sometime in the next few days
Her: Not sure I can promise the marriage proposal thing.... I might fall madly in love and realize I can't live another day without being your wife. Or perhaps it will be reversed 😲
Her: And murder... I'm a vegetarian because I can't handle the thought of another living thing dying for my pleasure and I just finished PMSing so.... You probably don't have to worry about that. 😂😂😂
Me: I suppose that's close enough as I'll ever get to a guarantee. Wednesday or Thursday evening around 7pm work for you?
Her: See, I'm quite the catch, am I right? 😜
Her: Lol where were you thinking this outdoor place would be? We don't even know where eachother lives lol
Me: Well, that's part 2 of plans. I'm [my area], where are you?
Her: [her area]
Me: Oh, its been a while since I've been up there. [Nearby park] seems like the easiest place, I think.
Her: Look at you, quite the planner 😝
Her: That could work perhaps, however you never promised not to murder me 😳
Me: I promise nothing. You could be very annoying.
Her: Ouch
Her: More like annoyingly amazing
Me: Then your risk of murder is low.
Her: I don't know if I like my chances
Her: I could be getting that mixed up with amazingly annoying 😩
Me: If its amazing, then I'd probably be more impressed than anything. So, it seems you are safe either way
Her: So have you been married before? Any children?
Me: No and no, ma'am
Her: Insanity
Her: So Thursday would probably be better
Me: Understandable. I'll write it in pencil then.
Her: Hahaha Are you always so quick to suggest meeting?
Me: Yup, I'm here to get to know people. You can cover 100x more ground in a hour of talking than in weeks of texting
I like your patter pattern. Show interest, follow up, ask for a meet up, joke about marriage and murder. Not the usual strategy, but in the age of advanced statistics, the numbers say you are getting more dates than me, so I can't argue with it.
So I've managed to find myself in a relationship thanks to OKCupid of all things. It was my time-waster dating account as I put my real time and energy into hinge and bumble. This was literally the first time I met with someone from OKC before and now we're already talking about a future and moving in and stuff. It'll be around 4ish months soon. She's also the first person I've dated where there's significant overlap in hobbies and interests. We both love cartoons, video games, heavy music, dogs and weed!
I guess I have a question for any other divorced folks in the thread. Did you notice you had trouble, I don’t know the best way to say it, comprehending the seriousness of your post-marriage relationships following the divorce?
I have been in a committed relationship for the better part of a year now with someone I met on Hinge, even met her family a couple weeks ago (we were all fully vaccinated), but it still feels almost casual to me despite knowing that I love her because it still isn’t the same level of commitment as the marriage was (or at least was supposed to be), and I struggle when I picture a future again, despite knowing that I want to eventually get re-married and start a family.
Maybe? I know I wasn't super invested even in my monogamous relationships for several years after my divorce, and that a few of my partners took the relationships more seriously than I did. But the commitments of those relationships was never anything more than 'we're dating' so I don't know how applicable it is to you...
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Most dating apps give a bump to new accounts to get the new user hooked and to quickly build up desirability data on them. If you're a long-term app user, its usually best to reset your accounts every few months or so.
How do you reset them?
For Tinder, close your account, uninstall it from your phone, remove Tinder from your Facebook settings, make a fresh Facebook account, redownload Tinder, and then sign up using the fresh Facebook account. Or, you could alternate between using your Facebook account and your phone number, provided you wait about 3 months between each reset (its not guaranteed to actually reset, though, that way).
Oh, that's all?
It sounds like a lot, but you don't have to delete your old Facebook account nor fill up your new one. The entire process takes about 10 minutes, end to end.
My account is stuck as I had it set to anywhere and anything {I did not click hookups or casual as it awkward enough talking to women} So I cannot search and still have to do the boring trawl of double take and discovery
So sadly I feel it's best to walk away as it just was not working for me
I also had a match that never respond to an opening message pop back up on my new match list last week with the initial message gone.
She just let me know that she recognized me from the (very active) Meetup group I run. She apparently never attended any events but must have checked it enough to remember my picture.
It's pretty amusing, but also makes me feel a bit weird since now she knows me better than I realized.
How recent were the photos? Anything in a public space with people around is probably a bit dated and a lot of people don't quite look the same after months of the pandemic. I've seen even martial arts and fashion youtubers get noticeably rounder and let themselves go a bit.
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3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
????
And it's hard to tell how recent the photos are, but it's really common it seems for people to use 2-5 year old photos, or generous use of filters. I'm really not that superficial, but some of the differences between photos and real life is shocking.
Yeah, when I first tested Hinge I got three likes in the first day, and I think I've had two in however many months since that was. Granted, I doubt Hinge has a market share anywhere close to Tinder/Bumble here in Sweden.
I'd maybe cut POF from that list. They've been having some issues where certain profiles (or even the site itself) will load browser hijacking scripts or something. Not sure if it was resolved, but for a month-long period, I couldn't do more than log in, check out my own profile, and immediately log out (also, it wasn't the first time it's happened).
Yeah, OKCupid and POF aren't likely to be good times. Recommend Hahnsoo1's suggestion of Hinge, or Bumble. If your area has active Tinder that can be used, but just be ready to have your boundaries clearly established if you're not looking to do the hookup thing (This goes for the others, but still applies a little bit more to Tinder).
Thanks for the suggestions, I'll look into Hinge and Bumble. I am not really looking for hookups, I prefer something more serious, is it still worth checking out Tinder?
Yes, Tinder has a lot of people looking for serious relationships, particularly if you're 30+ (but also younger too).
I'm not in the US, but women over 30 in my Eastern European country on Tinder are pretty much all or at least mostly looking for serious relationships only, which suits me fine.
The reason I came to this conclusion is that the app shows I had something like 70 likes pending. I went 4 days maxing out my swipes and that number went down by 2. Given I probably swipe left 75% of the time, and you get 100 right swipes a day, that's 1600 swipes and it only showed me 2 people who had previously liked me. I'm sure there's something wrong with my methodology, but I've been on tinder, hinge and bumble around the same amount of time and have hundreds of matches between bumble and hinge and like...4 on tinder.
In terms of an update, I've been seeing two people I rather like, one from hinge one from bumble. One has moved along very fast and the other has moved along very slow. But I like the slow moving girl a lot more. I'm getting to the point where I'm going to have to choose pretty soon and am not sure how to navigate the situation. Thoughts?
Right now, likes on Tinder are rather inflated due to their "go global" covid feature, where you can match with people in any city you choose. So, you'll collect likes from all over the world that are pointless if you're looking to actually date someone.
Regarding your dating issue, I can't give you help in picking one, but if you feel a choice imminent, perhaps it is time to make a big move in slower moving relationship.
I can also tell when the blurry photo on the like page never matches anyone they show me ever.
I've seen my likes decrease when I swipe left on someone that's liked me, though not always immediately. It'll sometimes save that for a later popup: "Oh no! You missed a potential match! Sign up for Tinder Gold to find out who!"
Yeah, there's a very distinctive one that I know for a fact that I swiped left on like two weeks ago that still shows as a blurred "like".
This is your chance for madcap simultaneous dates, complete with bathroom break wardrobe changes, hilarious conversation mixups, and an inevitable explosion at the end when they both find out. Sure, you end the night with no ladies, but you will be living your best life and you will have a good story for your next match.
Monetization of dating apps is a weird thing. They profit off of you being single for longer but have to provide enough success to be viewed as worthwhile enough to pay for.
They also can't make any guarantees of success but still have to allude to it, e.g. Hinge has a marketing line about being an app designed to give you a reason to delete it.
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3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
This is close to how things played out, ultimately.
2020 being 2020 I didn't have many photos taken of me, which is a bummer because I ended up getting in the best shape of my life.
Yesterday I was trying on a shirt and it struck me how different my body looks after I took a picture.
Now, I don't think I can use this picture, since it seems kinda douchy... but any ideas on how I could take something similar that gets the same point across?
I'm not sure there's a good option outside of staged photos doing something active (throwing a frisbee, etc) while socially distanced, but I'm also not super creative when it comes to demonstrating them gains.
Does @Kyougu have a niece already or should we also be helping his siblings with their profiles?
Steam Profile
3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
Spoilered for length:
Her:
Hi [myname]. How are you?
Sure we can chat haha.
How do I seem like I might be interesting? I just have some pics and no bio lol.
Her: I find it quite impressive that you were able to eat a whole large pizza without even realizing lol.
How has your day been?
Me: Lol, my day has been hot. Just finished working out and kinda regretting it since the a/c isn't on yet.
Her: Oh my goodness! You should turn your AC on!!!
Me: It is now, still hot tho
Me: And your pics do tell a bit of a story
Her:
I am sitting here having a beer in my freshly tidied and ac'd living room dreading going into the kitchen to clean it haha
I'm not sure how it gets so messy so quickly lol
Hahaha oh and what kinda story do my pics tell?
That If fed up of being in Tinder so wasn't even putting any effort into my profile anymore at this point? Haha 😜😂
Me: That's a common refrain, but I can still see the hope in your eyes -- it isn't fully extinguished yet
Her:
Hahaha ohhh those pics are from like a year ago lol
I haven't updated my profile in a year. Maybe a bit more hahaha
So tell me about yourself besides your height and impressive pizza eating skills 😝
Me: My pizza eating skills aren't enough?! What the hell?
Her: Hahahaha
Me: The past couple years I've decided to try a shit ton of new things. Got out of the family business, traveled around a bunch, went back to school, and started a new career. The last little while has been kind to me, despite everything.
Her: Ohhh wow good for you that's so impressive!!! So what is the family business?
Her: Lol my stuff is going all to shit but enough about me. 😝😂
Me: It ain't the family business anymore, I got out after I decided I didn't want to take it over and so we sold it. Thank god we did because it was a restaurant a year before covid hit
Her: [lots of personal backstory]
Her: I didn't mean to send right then but now that distracted me and got me off track so back to you... Haha that sounds really cool! What kind of restaurant? What did you go back to school to do?
Me: It was [the name of my restaurant], glamorous as fuck, I know
Me: I had a degree in accounting from way back, so I'm finally going to get my CPA certification now. Better late than never
Her: [more backstory]
Her:
Sorry for the pause there I was doing some dishes.
Is your place cooling down?
I think I'm about to turn off my AC.
Me: Yup, its getting cool just in time for bed. And you still have plenty of time to decide what you wanna be when you grow up. ;p I'm still deciding and I'm doing ok
Her: Hahahaha thanks 😝
Her: Would ya like me to let you go for the night if you're just getting into bed?
Me: Its all good. Tell me, are you comfortable doing outdoor meetups?
Her:
Okay
Yeah outdoor meet ups are alright lol.
I honestly don't meet people very often. As I kind of have implied, I haven't really put much effort into Tinder.
How about yourself?
Me: Less often now due to it being hard to do much, but I still try to get out once a week or so.
Me: If the company is right
Her: Lol oh nice nice. So you have met quite a few people on here then? 😛
Me: A few
Me: Haven't gotten murdered yet, but we'll see!
Her: Oh yes, I could very well be a serial killer 😜
Her: So what are you seeking on here?
Me: I'm not looking to get married right away or anything, but the door isn't closed to longer term stuff either
Her: Lol
Her: No I require a marriage proposal within the first 3 months of meeting someone. 😒
Her: [laughing emojis]
Me: Oh shit!
Her: So what you're saying is I'm not going to get proposed to within the first 3 months of us meeting? 💔
Her: Omg I can't tell if you can tell I'm completely joking or not... I suppose text can be hard to interpret 😳 and now I am totally over thinking what I just said.
Me: I like letting the suspense linger ;p
Me: Tell you what, if you promise not to murder me or propose marriage, let's get together for a quick get-to-know-you sometime in the next few days
Her: Not sure I can promise the marriage proposal thing.... I might fall madly in love and realize I can't live another day without being your wife. Or perhaps it will be reversed 😲
Her: And murder... I'm a vegetarian because I can't handle the thought of another living thing dying for my pleasure and I just finished PMSing so.... You probably don't have to worry about that. 😂😂😂
Me: I suppose that's close enough as I'll ever get to a guarantee.
Her: See, I'm quite the catch, am I right? 😜
Her: Lol where were you thinking this outdoor place would be? We don't even know where eachother lives lol
Me: Well, that's part 2 of plans.
Her: [her area]
Me: Oh, its been a while since I've been up there. [Nearby park] seems like the easiest place, I think.
Her: Look at you, quite the planner 😝
Her: That could work perhaps, however you never promised not to murder me 😳
Me: I promise nothing. You could be very annoying.
Her: Ouch
Her: More like annoyingly amazing
Me: Then your risk of murder is low.
Her: I don't know if I like my chances
Her: I could be getting that mixed up with amazingly annoying 😩
Me: If its amazing, then I'd probably be more impressed than anything. So, it seems you are safe either way
Her: So have you been married before? Any children?
Me: No and no, ma'am
Her: Insanity
Her: So Thursday would probably be better
Me: Understandable. I'll write it in pencil then.
Her: Hahaha Are you always so quick to suggest meeting?
Me: Yup, I'm here to get to know people. You can cover 100x more ground in a hour of talking than in weeks of texting
Her: Lol I suppose that is true
Her: Okay sounds good. Have a great sleep.
Me: G'nite
I have been in a committed relationship for the better part of a year now with someone I met on Hinge, even met her family a couple weeks ago (we were all fully vaccinated), but it still feels almost casual to me despite knowing that I love her because it still isn’t the same level of commitment as the marriage was (or at least was supposed to be), and I struggle when I picture a future again, despite knowing that I want to eventually get re-married and start a family.