Cleopatra Revenge has to be hungry for her namesake. No not Cleopatra, I mean Revenge! After her humiliating loss to that pathetic good samaritan Benediction in their last match, she's got to be worried about looking like a jobber, and in a match with deadly weapons, a cold-blooded thirst for revenge might just give her the... "edge." Of a deadly weapon. It's a pun, see? Anyone? No?
Cleopatra Revenge has to be hungry for her namesake. No not Cleopatra, I mean Revenge! After her humiliating loss to that pathetic good samaritan Benediction in their last match, she's got to be worried about looking like a jobber, and in a match with deadly weapons, a cold-blooded thirst for revenge might just give her the... "edge." Of a deadly weapon. It's a pun, see? Anyone? No?
A.W.E. needs this kind of viewer-created content.
Generalísimo de Fuerzas Armadas de la República Argentina
Buster Titanium, the man was once a cop before a tragic accident placed him into this metal body will right wrongs and is totally not wearing a costume, no sir!
The pageantry of individual walk-ons is waylaid for this match. There is a hushed atmosphere as the crowd awaits this fight. There’s no announcer.
Whispering, the commentators way in, “An arsenal match up of this kind is incredibly rare. Few dare. In many places, such a fight is banned.”
“Indeed, it bares repeating, don’t try this one at home!”, their partner coos, “But what you should do is buy your furniture at Seat and Séance. The only furniture store haunted by pirates.”
“That’s right. That’s right.”
The lights dim, then rush across the packed arena until they form a red spotlight upon a gruesome looking cage. High Flying Death Mask sits in the lotus position on top, an array of sinister looking weapons are arranged around them. It.
Inside the cage the referee is wearing so much padding he can’t move.
The wrestlers each walk into the cage, and some goons in luminous skeletal outfits make a display of chaining the doors shut after them. Universula Prime back kicks the goon on her door away when he’s done.
She peers down at her opponents, stroking her chin.
Cleopatra crab walks side to side, crouched like an animal. She smiles. Her teeth are covered in blood.
Buster breaks the silence, “Well shiii—”
The bell rings!
Opening a hatch, High Flying Death Mask drops in a baseball bat.
Universula goes for it, and Buster uses her as a boost, leaping off her thigh and grabs it. He lands and swings! Universula leans back... and Cleopatra takes the hit. She spins, rolls, bounces off the cage... she’s knocked the fuck out.
“I didn’t mean! Did you see that?!”, Buster looks stunned.
A katana slams into the deck between them. Both wrestlers look down, then lock eyes.
Busters rolls to the side as Universula grabs the katana and leaps into a martial stance, blade held horizontal above her shoulders.
Buster takes a batter’s stance to match.
“Good hit on little psycho. Almost impressive.”, Universula laughs.
She launches herself at Buster, and he jumps... and the blade goes through his right leg!
Folks in the crowd scream!
Then Buster slides his leg back and elbows her in the back! She lets go of the katana as she drops and rolls to the side.
Buster slowly removes the katana from his leg. It’s a prosthetic!
“Hm. Clever.”, she admits, then looks up.
She hops back and grabs a bowling ball as its dropped, and immediately throws it at Buster! He half deflects with the blade, dropping it in the process!
Universula bulldozes him down, then flips him over! Buster has far too much fight left in him though, and he struggles for the cage. He reaches it, and pulls himself up, and up, and up—he pushes off, rolling Universula on her front, freeing himself!
He grabs the katana, she grabs the bat! They connect, once, twice, then Buster weaves and kicks her across the knee! She stumbles away... and a taser is dropped in front of Universula!
She spins onto her back and lets rip!
...
But Buster tanks it! He raises the katana even as sparks race across his body... Then he falls down beside her.
“Damn. How much am I making for this again?”, Buster murmurs, eyes closed.
The referee (who had been clinging to a corner for some time) calls it as a victory for Universula Prime!
She slowly gets up, hobbled. She stretches her injured leg out with both hands, and stifles some noise in her throat. Universula Prime raises both fists to the sky, and her music begins to play.
Geth roll 2d6+3+3+3 for Universula Prime
Geth roll 2d6+3+1+1 for Buster Titanium
Geth roll 2d6+1-1-1 for Cleopatra Revenge
Stood silently in the doorway of Spike Slam-Dunk’s apartment there is a looming figure.
“Jesus Christ! Hi. Hello. Welcome to my crib!”, he laughs nervously, “Maybe we should redo that opening?”
Still in the doorway, the interviewer asks, “ What are your interests outside the ring?”
Spike gestures to his crude self portrait (oil paints and mixed media, 3m by 2m canvas).
“It’s all there; basketball and art.”, he walks over to a little cabinet, “Here’s my awards. Youth athletic of the year ‘99, 2nd place effort award for art... Yeah. Good stuff.”
“Do you wanna look around? You would not believe I’ve fit a sauna in here!”, he beams.
“Did you know that there'd be lethal weapon cage matches ahead of time? Are you okay with this and how are you dealing with it?”, the interview deadpans, sifting through some of Spike’s bills.
“Ah. Well. The Board is doing a great job. This is my first wrestling gig, and I’m amazed I’m on TV already! I’m real lucky to be a part of Absolute Wrestling Eternal! If that’s the deal, well... I’m down for it...”, he trails off.
He smiles at the small handheld camera the interviewer is holding.
“Why do you want to work at this company?, they ask.
Spike says a little too loudly, “This is the best wrestling league around!”
“Why do you want to work at this company?”, the interviewer reiterates.
“What? Look. I just wanna put my kid through college. Shouldn’t you have a camera man?”, he asks.
With that the interviewer slips out the door. She steps over a knocked out couple of nicely dressed individuals and calls a taxi once she’s out the block.
If the single combatant wins, they will have two of their stats increased and be awarded the trait: Crusher! They automatically beat any wrestler considered a jobber.
If the pair win, they will have one stat each increased, and gain the trait: Cheater. What that means will come to light later!
Prince Eastifa will be facing off against both Rainbow Ranger and Spike Slam-Dunk!
The stats in play and the nature of the ring are a secret for now.
MATCH VOTE
(A) Prince Eastifa
(B) Rainbow Ranger and Spike Slam-Dunk
All combatants will roll, meaning it’s doubly hard for Prince Eastifa to win.
For those checking, this is just a roll to determine who’s fighting who. It’s not for the match itself.
Geth roll 2d6 for Rainbow Ranger
Geth roll 2d6 for Spike Slam-Dunk
Geth roll 2d6 for Prince Eastifa
“Seems like an unfair match to me. How is this justified?”, says the commentator on the right.
Their partner replies, “Well, the Prince is an established—”
“Nah, no, really. These new guys aren’t going to look great coming out of this one no matter what.”
“You’re right! They must be natural born cheaters!”, she replies, hand in fist.
“Yeah, whatever.”, he sulks, “I’m my day.”
—
The announcer’s mic squeals, “Damn it. Hello wrestling fans! Today, the great and storied Prince Eastifa from a mysterious, foreign land will face off against two villains that wish to strip his royal title from him. What do we think of that?”
The Prince is carried down on a golden plinth by four loyal servants in Prince Eastifa t-shirts. He steps through the ropes and grabs the mic.
“I do this for my country. One day I will return as your king!”, he says, a fist clenched to his chest.
Spike Slam-Dunk and Rainbow Ranger enter together to a chorus of boos. The Ranger enters solemnly, and bows to the referee, Spike hops in over the top rope and gives Eastifa a nod.
“Hey, um, first fight! Let’s have a fair one, right?”, Spike asks.
—
Five minutes in and Prince Eastifa toys with the pair. He rolls his shoulders and takes a breath.
“Come on.”, he tells them as he sinks into a more serious stance.
The Ranger sprints—passed him—and climbs up a corner! As Eastifa spins around Spike grabs the Prince around the waist and attempts to lift him, but to no avail. The Ranger jumps!... Only to meet Eastifa’s boots as he lifts his legs up! The Ranger is pushed away, prone, and Eastifa grabs Spike’s shoulders and flips himself behind him.
Spike surprises himself with his speed, and kicks back, launching Prince Eastifa onto the mat. Spike rushes him and pins the Prince. Any chance is worth taking.
“I’m gonna win!”, Spike shouts, struggling with the pin.
“3...”
The referee stops, looking up.
“It doesn’t matter!”, shouts a man in the crowd.
He barrels down and slides into the ring. He pick the referee up, then upper cuts him, knocking him out!
“It doesn’t matter if you’re gonna win, you ain’t nothing! You’ll never be a champ!”, he roars.
Then he pulls the big fellow onto his knees and headbutts Spike, then swiftly blocks an incoming chop from Rainbow Ranger! He twists his arm over his shoulder, looks left, looks rights, then throws him to the mat! He grins wildly, then grabs the Ranger’s chin and uses his held arm to force the wrestler to punch himself!
He steps off and addresses the crowd. With a spiked mohawk, bandito bandana and a sleeveless jacket, just who could this trouble maker be?
“I’m Awful Alistair, and I don’t give a BEEEEEP!”
With that he steps out of the ring and leaves.
Al Natural is no more. There is only Awful Alistair now!
No one won the match! The duo of Spike Slam-Dunk and Rainbow Ranger were humiliated, and Prince Eastifa would not accept the win by default. None of them improved their stats or gained a new trait.
Prince Eastifa now considers Awful Alistair a rival.
All future matches have a 10% chance of Awful Alistair intervening until he is defeated in a match up against him.
Just what has happen to Al? Is he no longer natural?
* * * * *
It is now time... for the Horse Race. A.W.E does not own any horses (nor can they afford to rent any), so the race is in fact between the established tag teams.
The parking lot has been converted into a professional grade race course, and each elected wrestler must carry their ally around the course five times to triumph!
MATCH VOTE
(A) Universula Prime & Diamond Jules
—What is their tag team moniker?
(B) Deva Majestic & Magician Fist
Heavenly Bodies
(C) Spike Slam-Dunk & Rainbow Ranger
—What is their tag team moniker?
(E) Jumbo Miyamoto & Ghengis Charm
The Beasts from the East
* * * * *
This is an event, and as such your votes are the only thing that determines the outcome!
Due to the unfortunate timing of my job in the military I’m going to have to leave you for the foreseeable future.
My plan was to do a few more matches, a couple more petitions, then start a one on one tournament to determine the overall winner. I regret that I won’t be able to bring this to a fair and satisfying conclusion.
Posts
A.W.E. needs this kind of viewer-created content.
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
The pageantry of individual walk-ons is waylaid for this match. There is a hushed atmosphere as the crowd awaits this fight. There’s no announcer.
Whispering, the commentators way in, “An arsenal match up of this kind is incredibly rare. Few dare. In many places, such a fight is banned.”
“Indeed, it bares repeating, don’t try this one at home!”, their partner coos, “But what you should do is buy your furniture at Seat and Séance. The only furniture store haunted by pirates.”
“That’s right. That’s right.”
The lights dim, then rush across the packed arena until they form a red spotlight upon a gruesome looking cage. High Flying Death Mask sits in the lotus position on top, an array of sinister looking weapons are arranged around them. It.
Inside the cage the referee is wearing so much padding he can’t move.
The wrestlers each walk into the cage, and some goons in luminous skeletal outfits make a display of chaining the doors shut after them. Universula Prime back kicks the goon on her door away when he’s done.
She peers down at her opponents, stroking her chin.
Cleopatra crab walks side to side, crouched like an animal. She smiles. Her teeth are covered in blood.
Buster breaks the silence, “Well shiii—”
The bell rings!
Opening a hatch, High Flying Death Mask drops in a baseball bat.
Universula goes for it, and Buster uses her as a boost, leaping off her thigh and grabs it. He lands and swings! Universula leans back... and Cleopatra takes the hit. She spins, rolls, bounces off the cage... she’s knocked the fuck out.
“I didn’t mean! Did you see that?!”, Buster looks stunned.
A katana slams into the deck between them. Both wrestlers look down, then lock eyes.
Busters rolls to the side as Universula grabs the katana and leaps into a martial stance, blade held horizontal above her shoulders.
Buster takes a batter’s stance to match.
“Good hit on little psycho. Almost impressive.”, Universula laughs.
She launches herself at Buster, and he jumps... and the blade goes through his right leg!
Folks in the crowd scream!
Then Buster slides his leg back and elbows her in the back! She lets go of the katana as she drops and rolls to the side.
Buster slowly removes the katana from his leg. It’s a prosthetic!
“Hm. Clever.”, she admits, then looks up.
She hops back and grabs a bowling ball as its dropped, and immediately throws it at Buster! He half deflects with the blade, dropping it in the process!
Universula bulldozes him down, then flips him over! Buster has far too much fight left in him though, and he struggles for the cage. He reaches it, and pulls himself up, and up, and up—he pushes off, rolling Universula on her front, freeing himself!
He grabs the katana, she grabs the bat! They connect, once, twice, then Buster weaves and kicks her across the knee! She stumbles away... and a taser is dropped in front of Universula!
She spins onto her back and lets rip!
...
But Buster tanks it! He raises the katana even as sparks race across his body... Then he falls down beside her.
“Damn. How much am I making for this again?”, Buster murmurs, eyes closed.
The referee (who had been clinging to a corner for some time) calls it as a victory for Universula Prime!
She slowly gets up, hobbled. She stretches her injured leg out with both hands, and stifles some noise in her throat. Universula Prime raises both fists to the sky, and her music begins to play.
Geth roll 2d6+3+1+1 for Buster Titanium
Geth roll 2d6+1-1-1 for Cleopatra Revenge
Universula Prime won! It was a close match between her and Buster Titanium.
This fight has further empowered her:
Universula Prime
4 Strength
-2 Technique
1 Agility
3 Resilience
She will not miss a match, but Universula Prime will be wearing a knee brace for the foreseeable future.
Cleopatra Revenge is a jobber, she’s always been a jobber. Who would be a fan of Cleopatra?
Next up is another interview!
Vote for who you want to be interviewed, and write a question you want them to answer under your vote.
Regardless of your choice, all questions will be answered by the highest voted wrestler. This will get weird.
The interview will take place at the wrestler’s home this time, so feel free to get personal.
What are your interests outside the ring?
Did you know that there'd be lethal weapon cage matches ahead of time? Are you okay with this and how are you dealing with it?
Why Do You Want to Work at This Company?
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
Stood silently in the doorway of Spike Slam-Dunk’s apartment there is a looming figure.
“Jesus Christ! Hi. Hello. Welcome to my crib!”, he laughs nervously, “Maybe we should redo that opening?”
Still in the doorway, the interviewer asks, “ What are your interests outside the ring?”
Spike gestures to his crude self portrait (oil paints and mixed media, 3m by 2m canvas).
“It’s all there; basketball and art.”, he walks over to a little cabinet, “Here’s my awards. Youth athletic of the year ‘99, 2nd place effort award for art... Yeah. Good stuff.”
“Do you wanna look around? You would not believe I’ve fit a sauna in here!”, he beams.
“Did you know that there'd be lethal weapon cage matches ahead of time? Are you okay with this and how are you dealing with it?”, the interview deadpans, sifting through some of Spike’s bills.
“Ah. Well. The Board is doing a great job. This is my first wrestling gig, and I’m amazed I’m on TV already! I’m real lucky to be a part of Absolute Wrestling Eternal! If that’s the deal, well... I’m down for it...”, he trails off.
He smiles at the small handheld camera the interviewer is holding.
“Why do you want to work at this company?, they ask.
Spike says a little too loudly, “This is the best wrestling league around!”
“Why do you want to work at this company?”, the interviewer reiterates.
“What? Look. I just wanna put my kid through college. Shouldn’t you have a camera man?”, he asks.
With that the interviewer slips out the door. She steps over a knocked out couple of nicely dressed individuals and calls a taxi once she’s out the block.
The Sheriff is on the case.
The next match will be 2 on 1!
If the single combatant wins, they will have two of their stats increased and be awarded the trait: Crusher! They automatically beat any wrestler considered a jobber.
If the pair win, they will have one stat each increased, and gain the trait: Cheater. What that means will come to light later!
Prince Eastifa will be facing off against both Rainbow Ranger and Spike Slam-Dunk!
The stats in play and the nature of the ring are a secret for now.
MATCH VOTE
(A) Prince Eastifa
(B) Rainbow Ranger and Spike Slam-Dunk
All combatants will roll, meaning it’s doubly hard for Prince Eastifa to win.
Geth roll 2d6 for Rainbow Ranger
Geth roll 2d6 for Spike Slam-Dunk
Geth roll 2d6 for Prince Eastifa
I vote A!
“Seems like an unfair match to me. How is this justified?”, says the commentator on the right.
Their partner replies, “Well, the Prince is an established—”
“Nah, no, really. These new guys aren’t going to look great coming out of this one no matter what.”
“You’re right! They must be natural born cheaters!”, she replies, hand in fist.
“Yeah, whatever.”, he sulks, “I’m my day.”
—
The announcer’s mic squeals, “Damn it. Hello wrestling fans! Today, the great and storied Prince Eastifa from a mysterious, foreign land will face off against two villains that wish to strip his royal title from him. What do we think of that?”
The crowd boos!
“Let Handicap Havok begin!”, he states.
—
Prince Eastifa
The Prince is carried down on a golden plinth by four loyal servants in Prince Eastifa t-shirts. He steps through the ropes and grabs the mic.
“I do this for my country. One day I will return as your king!”, he says, a fist clenched to his chest.
Spike Slam-Dunk and Rainbow Ranger enter together to a chorus of boos. The Ranger enters solemnly, and bows to the referee, Spike hops in over the top rope and gives Eastifa a nod.
“Hey, um, first fight! Let’s have a fair one, right?”, Spike asks.
—
Five minutes in and Prince Eastifa toys with the pair. He rolls his shoulders and takes a breath.
“Come on.”, he tells them as he sinks into a more serious stance.
The Ranger sprints—passed him—and climbs up a corner! As Eastifa spins around Spike grabs the Prince around the waist and attempts to lift him, but to no avail. The Ranger jumps!... Only to meet Eastifa’s boots as he lifts his legs up! The Ranger is pushed away, prone, and Eastifa grabs Spike’s shoulders and flips himself behind him.
Spike surprises himself with his speed, and kicks back, launching Prince Eastifa onto the mat. Spike rushes him and pins the Prince. Any chance is worth taking.
“I’m gonna win!”, Spike shouts, struggling with the pin.
“3...”
The referee stops, looking up.
“It doesn’t matter!”, shouts a man in the crowd.
He barrels down and slides into the ring. He pick the referee up, then upper cuts him, knocking him out!
“It doesn’t matter if you’re gonna win, you ain’t nothing! You’ll never be a champ!”, he roars.
Then he pulls the big fellow onto his knees and headbutts Spike, then swiftly blocks an incoming chop from Rainbow Ranger! He twists his arm over his shoulder, looks left, looks rights, then throws him to the mat! He grins wildly, then grabs the Ranger’s chin and uses his held arm to force the wrestler to punch himself!
He steps off and addresses the crowd. With a spiked mohawk, bandito bandana and a sleeveless jacket, just who could this trouble maker be?
“I’m Awful Alistair, and I don’t give a BEEEEEP!”
With that he steps out of the ring and leaves.
Al Natural is no more. There is only Awful Alistair now!
Geth roll 2d6+2+2 for Rainbow Ranger
Geth roll 2d6+2+2+2 for Spike Slam-Dunk
Awful Alistair has caused a huge upset!
No one won the match! The duo of Spike Slam-Dunk and Rainbow Ranger were humiliated, and Prince Eastifa would not accept the win by default. None of them improved their stats or gained a new trait.
Prince Eastifa now considers Awful Alistair a rival.
All future matches have a 10% chance of Awful Alistair intervening until he is defeated in a match up against him.
* * * * *
It is now time... for the Horse Race. A.W.E does not own any horses (nor can they afford to rent any), so the race is in fact between the established tag teams.
The parking lot has been converted into a professional grade race course, and each elected wrestler must carry their ally around the course five times to triumph!
MATCH VOTE
(A) Universula Prime & Diamond Jules
—What is their tag team moniker?
(B) Deva Majestic & Magician Fist
Heavenly Bodies
(C) Spike Slam-Dunk & Rainbow Ranger
—What is their tag team moniker?
(E) Jumbo Miyamoto & Ghengis Charm
The Beasts from the East
* * * * *
This is an event, and as such your votes are the only thing that determines the outcome!
I am, however, terrible at tag team names. How about Polysyllabic Designation?
Due to the unfortunate timing of my job in the military I’m going to have to leave you for the foreseeable future.
My plan was to do a few more matches, a couple more petitions, then start a one on one tournament to determine the overall winner. I regret that I won’t be able to bring this to a fair and satisfying conclusion.
Thank you for your participation.
Yours sincerely,
Me.
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]