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[Bad News Gone Right]: Ow My Balls Edition

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    valhalla130valhalla130 13 Dark Shield Perceives the GodsRegistered User regular
    The thing is that a life-or-death fight for prey is very rarely the same situation for a predator. Predators are never interested in the challenge, they want the most food for the least effort. Since there are nearly no animals that hunt humans, nothing knows how to habitually hunt humans effectively and any halfway smart predator doesn't want to risk learning as they can rarely afford even minor injuries. Critters like lions and bears have to learn how to hunt the things they hunt, it isn't instinctive.

    And never underestimate a human with a pointy thing. A stag fending off a mountain lion is just gonna kinda wave those horns around, but they don't know how to kill or even really injure the lion. A human, however, knows they can gouge eyes, stab a neck, smash joints, so even just a handy rock gives them more of an advantage than you might think. After all, the human doesn't need to kill the predator, they just need to make the predator scared to get hurt and leave.

    The only really successful animals that learn to prey on humans are either so huge (polar bear) a lone human has almost no way to hurt them without serious preparation or large ambush predators (crocodiles, the rare man-eating lion/tiger, etc) which negate the human advantages with overwhelming power and speed.
    Orca wrote: »
    Hahnsoo1 wrote: »
    Aww yeah. Discussion about unarmed humans fighting animals for some reason. This is exactly the classic D&D content I’ve been craving.

    Would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?

    Horse-sized duck, hands down. If I win, I get bragging rights for killing a thousand-pound murder duck. If he wins, I get an amazing tombstone.

    A hundred horse-sized ducks would be amateur hour, I can already wade into a flock of ducks and kick them around.

    All right, hard mode:

    A hundred goose-sized horses or one horse-sized goose?

    asxcjbppb2eo.jpg
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    Gabriel_PittGabriel_Pitt (effective against Russian warships) Registered User regular
    I mean, you do know that an adult goose can snap a grown man in half with just one hard glare, right?

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    knitdanknitdan In ur base Killin ur guysRegistered User regular
    Still the horses

    Goose sized gooses are bad enough

    Horse sized gooses would be terrifying

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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    HydropoloHydropolo Registered User regular
    Geese or Canadian Geese? One is a fucking murder machine, other is actually very scary and tired of being assumed to be nice.

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    valhalla130valhalla130 13 Dark Shield Perceives the GodsRegistered User regular
    At that point, I think even the most died in the wool traditionalist would finally admit birds are dinosaurs.

    asxcjbppb2eo.jpg
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    Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    Shadowhope wrote: »
    furlion wrote: »
    The thing is that a life-or-death fight for prey is very rarely the same situation for a predator. Predators are never interested in the challenge, they want the most food for the least effort. Since there are nearly no animals that hunt humans, nothing knows how to habitually hunt humans effectively and any halfway smart predator doesn't want to risk learning as they can rarely afford even minor injuries. Critters like lions and bears have to learn how to hunt the things they hunt, it isn't instinctive.

    And never underestimate a human with a pointy thing. A stag fending off a mountain lion is just gonna kinda wave those horns around, but they don't know how to kill or even really injure the lion. A human, however, knows they can gouge eyes, stab a neck, smash joints, so even just a handy rock gives them more of an advantage than you might think. After all, the human doesn't need to kill the predator, they just need to make the predator scared to get hurt and leave.

    The only really successful animals that learn to prey on humans are either so huge (polar bear) a lone human has almost no way to hurt them without serious preparation or large ambush predators (crocodiles, the rare man-eating lion/tiger, etc) which negate the human advantages with overwhelming power and speed.
    Orca wrote: »
    Hahnsoo1 wrote: »
    Aww yeah. Discussion about unarmed humans fighting animals for some reason. This is exactly the classic D&D content I’ve been craving.

    Would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?

    Horse-sized duck, hands down. If I win, I get bragging rights for killing a thousand-pound murder duck. If he wins, I get an amazing tombstone.

    A hundred horse-sized ducks would be amateur hour, I can already wade into a flock of ducks and kick them around.

    Going to have to disagree about the African predators not knowing how to hunt humans. Humans, and our ancestors, were probably a reliable food source for many of those animals for hundreds of thousands of years. The reason that modern animals don't seem that interested in us is because we have systematically hunted and killed every single one of them that even thought about eating us, much less went through with it. There has been an evolutionary pressure against hunting people so massive that outside of the dinosaurs dying it is probably unique.

    And you are right that a person can use their wits to really level the playing field or even gain the upper hand for most animals. A big stick, good sized rock, or like you said some good old fashioned fighting dirty can help, but only to an extent. Our main weakness, the thing that really gets us killed, is how easy it is to make us bleed out. Sweating give us great endurance but at a pretty severe trade off.

    African predators (and many non-predators like cape buffalo) don't so much hunt humans as they have evolved to understand on some level that we funny little hairless apes need to be killed on sight with extreme prejudice, or we'll do weird things with flying tree branches of various sizes that will kill them.

    The megafauna in the Americas unfortunately generally didn't get that memo.

    The vast majority of the time African predators will run away from a human so I'm not sure what you mean about killing humans on sight.

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    furlionfurlion Riskbreaker Lea MondeRegistered User regular
    Shadowhope wrote: »
    furlion wrote: »
    The thing is that a life-or-death fight for prey is very rarely the same situation for a predator. Predators are never interested in the challenge, they want the most food for the least effort. Since there are nearly no animals that hunt humans, nothing knows how to habitually hunt humans effectively and any halfway smart predator doesn't want to risk learning as they can rarely afford even minor injuries. Critters like lions and bears have to learn how to hunt the things they hunt, it isn't instinctive.

    And never underestimate a human with a pointy thing. A stag fending off a mountain lion is just gonna kinda wave those horns around, but they don't know how to kill or even really injure the lion. A human, however, knows they can gouge eyes, stab a neck, smash joints, so even just a handy rock gives them more of an advantage than you might think. After all, the human doesn't need to kill the predator, they just need to make the predator scared to get hurt and leave.

    The only really successful animals that learn to prey on humans are either so huge (polar bear) a lone human has almost no way to hurt them without serious preparation or large ambush predators (crocodiles, the rare man-eating lion/tiger, etc) which negate the human advantages with overwhelming power and speed.
    Orca wrote: »
    Hahnsoo1 wrote: »
    Aww yeah. Discussion about unarmed humans fighting animals for some reason. This is exactly the classic D&D content I’ve been craving.

    Would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?

    Horse-sized duck, hands down. If I win, I get bragging rights for killing a thousand-pound murder duck. If he wins, I get an amazing tombstone.

    A hundred horse-sized ducks would be amateur hour, I can already wade into a flock of ducks and kick them around.

    Going to have to disagree about the African predators not knowing how to hunt humans. Humans, and our ancestors, were probably a reliable food source for many of those animals for hundreds of thousands of years. The reason that modern animals don't seem that interested in us is because we have systematically hunted and killed every single one of them that even thought about eating us, much less went through with it. There has been an evolutionary pressure against hunting people so massive that outside of the dinosaurs dying it is probably unique.

    And you are right that a person can use their wits to really level the playing field or even gain the upper hand for most animals. A big stick, good sized rock, or like you said some good old fashioned fighting dirty can help, but only to an extent. Our main weakness, the thing that really gets us killed, is how easy it is to make us bleed out. Sweating give us great endurance but at a pretty severe trade off.

    African predators (and many non-predators like cape buffalo) don't so much hunt humans as they have evolved to understand on some level that we funny little hairless apes need to be killed on sight with extreme prejudice, or we'll do weird things with flying tree branches of various sizes that will kill them.

    The megafauna in the Americas unfortunately generally didn't get that memo.

    The vast majority of the time African predators will run away from a human so I'm not sure what you mean about killing humans on sight.

    Yeah I think you misunderstood my point. From a selective pressure point of view it is actually advantageous for an animal to starve to death rather then kill a person for at least the past thousand years. If a lion starves to death, then just that one lion dies and maybe some of its close relatives live to pass on their genes. If that lion kills a person, that lion plus every other lion that was nearby was going to be hunted down and killed. Even in the Americas, when the Europeans came they immediately set about killing all the predators they could. So pretty much every predator on earth has been undergoing massive selective pressure for at least a few centuries to stay out of our way and run if they do see us.

    sig.gif Gamertag: KL Retribution
    PSN:Furlion
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    EchoEcho ski-bap ba-dapModerator mod
    knitdan wrote: »
    Still the horses

    Goose sized gooses are bad enough

    Horse sized gooses would be terrifying

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqge5ZUBk2A

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    jothkijothki Registered User regular
    edited October 2020
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    Madican wrote: »
    Hevach wrote: »
    Fry wrote: »
    Can't bobcats also duck you up? I mean, probably not as much as the mountain lion, but probably still enough that you shouldn't approach them?

    They can top out at twice the weight of a domestic Maine Coon cat (and it's hard to really understand just how huge those get if you haven't seen one) and have the same claws and teeth.

    If you've ever been on the receiving end of a freaked out cat's wrath, imagine one the size of a spaniel and live your life in fear.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcBcVkHemLc

    Just don't try to pick one up and you'll be fine. I can't remember the last time I heard about a bobcat being aggressive towards humans compared to hiding from them.

    But look at it! It's so cute! How can you not want to mush that cute wittle nose?!

    I'm glad I don't live in an area with large wild cats

    Otherwise there's a decent chance my last words would be "Pspspspsps"

    Wild animals aren't going to domesticate themselves. Cuddle them for the sake of future generations.

    jothki on
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    DecomposeyDecomposey Registered User regular
    jothki wrote: »
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    Madican wrote: »
    Hevach wrote: »
    Fry wrote: »
    Can't bobcats also duck you up? I mean, probably not as much as the mountain lion, but probably still enough that you shouldn't approach them?

    They can top out at twice the weight of a domestic Maine Coon cat (and it's hard to really understand just how huge those get if you haven't seen one) and have the same claws and teeth.

    If you've ever been on the receiving end of a freaked out cat's wrath, imagine one the size of a spaniel and live your life in fear.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcBcVkHemLc

    Just don't try to pick one up and you'll be fine. I can't remember the last time I heard about a bobcat being aggressive towards humans compared to hiding from them.

    But look at it! It's so cute! How can you not want to mush that cute wittle nose?!

    I'm glad I don't live in an area with large wild cats

    Otherwise there's a decent chance my last words would be "Pspspspsps"

    Wild animals aren't going to domesticate themselves. Cuddle them for the sake of future generations.

    Except cats. Sort of. When they feel like it.

    Before following any advice, opinions, or thoughts I may have expressed in the above post, be warned: I found Keven Costners "Waterworld" to be a very entertaining film.
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    HevachHevach Registered User regular
    edited October 2020
    knitdan wrote: »
    Still the horses

    Goose sized gooses are bad enough

    Horse sized gooses would be terrifying

    Yeah, always take the horse. If you know a little about horse anatomy and don't get straight behind them, a grown human could probably win against a horse sized horse, let alone a scaled-down model.

    Hevach on
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    NEO|PhyteNEO|Phyte They follow the stars, bound together. Strands in a braid till the end.Registered User regular
    Ok but what if the goose sized horses have the elements of harmony?

    It was that somehow, from within the derelict-horror, they had learned a way to see inside an ugly, broken thing... And take away its pain.
    Warframe/Steam: NFyt
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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    I think there's a thing where you can grab a horse's lips and render it docile

    Fake edit: yep, a twitch does it

    So just grab a horse by the lips, and then you've got a club to batter the rest of them

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    VishNubVishNub Registered User regular
    I think there's a thing where you can grab a horse's lips and render it docile

    Fake edit: yep, a twitch does it

    So just grab a horse by the lips, and then you've got a club to batter the rest of them

    This sounds foolproof

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    Gabriel_PittGabriel_Pitt (effective against Russian warships) Registered User regular
    NEO|Phyte wrote: »
    Ok but what if the goose sized horses have the elements of harmony?

    Then I think we're going to be all right.

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    Captain CarrotCaptain Carrot Alexandria, VARegistered User regular
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    Madican wrote: »
    Hevach wrote: »
    Fry wrote: »
    Can't bobcats also duck you up? I mean, probably not as much as the mountain lion, but probably still enough that you shouldn't approach them?

    They can top out at twice the weight of a domestic Maine Coon cat (and it's hard to really understand just how huge those get if you haven't seen one) and have the same claws and teeth.

    If you've ever been on the receiving end of a freaked out cat's wrath, imagine one the size of a spaniel and live your life in fear.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcBcVkHemLc

    Just don't try to pick one up and you'll be fine. I can't remember the last time I heard about a bobcat being aggressive towards humans compared to hiding from them.

    But look at it! It's so cute! How can you not want to mush that cute wittle nose?!

    I'm glad I don't live in an area with large wild cats

    Otherwise there's a decent chance my last words would be "Pspspspsps"

    The kittens on this property, when I offer them my hand, will frequently press a tooth into my thumb, as if to say "I am a fierce hunter, but also keep petting me". Clearly all cats will act this way.

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    ShadowfireShadowfire Vermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered User regular
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    Madican wrote: »
    Hevach wrote: »
    Fry wrote: »
    Can't bobcats also duck you up? I mean, probably not as much as the mountain lion, but probably still enough that you shouldn't approach them?

    They can top out at twice the weight of a domestic Maine Coon cat (and it's hard to really understand just how huge those get if you haven't seen one) and have the same claws and teeth.

    If you've ever been on the receiving end of a freaked out cat's wrath, imagine one the size of a spaniel and live your life in fear.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcBcVkHemLc

    Just don't try to pick one up and you'll be fine. I can't remember the last time I heard about a bobcat being aggressive towards humans compared to hiding from them.

    But look at it! It's so cute! How can you not want to mush that cute wittle nose?!

    I'm glad I don't live in an area with large wild cats

    Otherwise there's a decent chance my last words would be "Pspspspsps"

    The kittens on this property, when I offer them my hand, will frequently press a tooth into my thumb, as if to say "I am a fierce hunter, but also keep petting me". Clearly all cats will act this way.

    They pull their lips back because they have glands in the corners of their mouths that they use to deposit pheromones.

    Congratulations, you've been marked.

    WiiU: Windrunner ; Guild Wars 2: Shadowfire.3940 ; PSN: Bradcopter
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    Captain CarrotCaptain Carrot Alexandria, VARegistered User regular
    Sadly for them, I'm a secondary/tertiary childcare provider for seven children under 12, so I rinse my hands pretty frequently.

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    HevachHevach Registered User regular
    edited October 2020
    Which happily for you means they keep doing it to maintain their claim.

    Hevach on
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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    Talisker is always very interested in me when I'm fresh out of the shower

    "Whoops, you lost my scent. Better just rub up against your face there for you. That's better - now be more careful next time."

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    IncenjucarIncenjucar VChatter Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    NEO|Phyte wrote: »
    Ok but what if the goose sized horses have the elements of harmony?

    Then you need to make them into glue before they rainbow nuke you and take control of the sun and moon.

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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Today in ass banditry: smuggler caught with 2 pounds of gold up his backside:
    A smuggler was caught with 2lb of gold worth £46,000 in his bottom after customs officers spotted his unusual walk at an airport in India.

    The man was travelling on a GoAir flight from Dubai into Kerala's Kannur airport and had hidden the stash of gold inside his own body to avoid paying the 18 per cent tax.

    It is believed he had been walking awkwardly and was stopped and checked as a result where the gold was discovered by officials from the Air Intelligence Unit (AIU), who also shared images of the precious metal which had been recovered.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    furlionfurlion Riskbreaker Lea MondeRegistered User regular
    Today in ass banditry: smuggler caught with 2 pounds of gold up his backside:
    A smuggler was caught with 2lb of gold worth £46,000 in his bottom after customs officers spotted his unusual walk at an airport in India.

    The man was travelling on a GoAir flight from Dubai into Kerala's Kannur airport and had hidden the stash of gold inside his own body to avoid paying the 18 per cent tax.

    It is believed he had been walking awkwardly and was stopped and checked as a result where the gold was discovered by officials from the Air Intelligence Unit (AIU), who also shared images of the precious metal which had been recovered.

    Everyone knows paying taxes is a pain in the ass but this dude really went the extra distance to avoid it.

    sig.gif Gamertag: KL Retribution
    PSN:Furlion
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    useruser Registered User regular
    Talisker is always very interested in me when I'm fresh out of the shower

    "Whoops, you lost my scent. Better just rub up against your face there for you. That's better - now be more careful next time."

    Um the Whisky or some sort of pet you have? Either way, that's neat.

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    [Expletive deleted][Expletive deleted] The mediocre doctor NorwayRegistered User regular
    user wrote: »
    Talisker is always very interested in me when I'm fresh out of the shower

    "Whoops, you lost my scent. Better just rub up against your face there for you. That's better - now be more careful next time."

    Um the Whisky or some sort of pet you have? Either way, that's neat.

    Pun intended?

    Sic transit gloria mundi.
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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    user wrote: »
    Talisker is always very interested in me when I'm fresh out of the shower

    "Whoops, you lost my scent. Better just rub up against your face there for you. That's better - now be more careful next time."

    Um the Whisky or some sort of pet you have? Either way, that's neat.

    This picture will clear it up
    31mteybi3hgu.jpg

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    [Expletive deleted][Expletive deleted] The mediocre doctor NorwayRegistered User regular
    One if finely aged, with a famous sting and smoothness.

    The other is a whisky.

    Sic transit gloria mundi.
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    Jam WarriorJam Warrior Registered User regular
    user wrote: »
    Talisker is always very interested in me when I'm fresh out of the shower

    "Whoops, you lost my scent. Better just rub up against your face there for you. That's better - now be more careful next time."

    Um the Whisky or some sort of pet you have? Either way, that's neat.

    This picture will clear it up
    31mteybi3hgu.jpg

    Weird name for a banana but whatevs.

    MhCw7nZ.gif
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    Gabriel_PittGabriel_Pitt (effective against Russian warships) Registered User regular
    Bananas are famously territorial of their owners, before they go smooshy.

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    CalicaCalica Registered User regular
    Talisker is always very interested in me when I'm fresh out of the shower

    "Whoops, you lost my scent. Better just rub up against your face there for you. That's better - now be more careful next time."

    My family had a very sweet cat who adopted us as a feral kitten when I was six or so. She lived to the ripe old age of 17, and she bonded pretty closely to me throughout my teens and early twenties. Whenever I came home from college, she would spend several minutes carefully and thoroughly rubbing her face all over my shoes.

    I miss her :heartbeat:

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    [Expletive deleted][Expletive deleted] The mediocre doctor NorwayRegistered User regular
    Oh sure, when a cat rubs its face all over you and your stuff it's all cute, but when I do it suddenly it's all "call the cops" and "restraining order".

    Sic transit gloria mundi.
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    Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    Yeah actually while we're on the subject you also really need to stop vomiting on the carpet

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    HevachHevach Registered User regular
    Yeah actually while we're on the subject you also really need to stop vomiting on the carpet

    But we're just going to look the other way on bringing home dead animals, is that it?

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    Steel AngelSteel Angel Registered User regular
    Hevach wrote: »
    Yeah actually while we're on the subject you also really need to stop vomiting on the carpet

    But we're just going to look the other way on bringing home dead animals, is that it?

    That can just be put in a bag and called groceries.

    Big Dookie wrote: »
    I found that tilting it doesn't work very well, and once I started jerking it, I got much better results.

    Steam Profile
    3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
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    Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    Hevach wrote: »
    Yeah actually while we're on the subject you also really need to stop vomiting on the carpet

    But we're just going to look the other way on bringing home dead animals, is that it?

    Being given gifts makes me feel special

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    ShivahnShivahn Unaware of her barrel shifter privilege Western coastal temptressRegistered User, Moderator mod
    Hevach wrote: »
    Yeah actually while we're on the subject you also really need to stop vomiting on the carpet

    But we're just going to look the other way on bringing home dead animals, is that it?

    Being given gifts makes me feel special

    My cats always felt safe around me, which was flattering, but didn't bring me gifts.

    So instead of getting dead birds presented to me, I got woken up at 3AM because next to my ear is the safest place to crush mouse bones as you eat.

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    MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    Cats don't bring you dead things as gifts, they bring you dead things because they think you suck at hunting.

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    TofystedethTofystedeth Registered User regular
    Shivahn wrote: »
    Hevach wrote: »
    Yeah actually while we're on the subject you also really need to stop vomiting on the carpet

    But we're just going to look the other way on bringing home dead animals, is that it?

    Being given gifts makes me feel special

    My cats always felt safe around me, which was flattering, but didn't bring me gifts.

    So instead of getting dead birds presented to me, I got woken up at 3AM because next to my ear is the safest place to crush mouse bones as you eat.

    I woke up in the middle of the night because I had a dream I was burning up in an oven. It was one of my cats curled up around the top of my head like a self heating version of one of those Russian hats.

    steam_sig.png
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    HappylilElfHappylilElf Registered User regular
    Yeah actually while we're on the subject you also really need to stop vomiting on the carpet

    Well then maybe someone should try making sure he has sufficient food and fresh water

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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    Madican wrote: »
    Cats don't bring you dead things as gifts, they bring you dead things because they think you suck at hunting.

    Which is funny because I'm the one with opposable thumbs and a can opener.
    Who's the big provider now, kitty?

This discussion has been closed.