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The Even Worse Joke Thread

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    facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    edited April 2021
    huff puff I heard we were talking shit about papists and came as fast as I could

    signed, someone who lives in 18th century british north america

    facetious on
    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Robert Khoo wrote: »
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
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    ToxTox I kill threads he/himRegistered User regular
    I had a Suez Canal joke I was gonna tell, but I think that ship has sailed

    Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Why didn’t the Australian wipe?
    Bidet, mate

    BLM - ACAB
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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    Tox wrote: »
    I had a Suez Canal joke I was gonna tell, but I think that ship has sailed

    #blocked

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    The Geek wrote: »
    Why didn’t the Australian wipe?
    Bidet, mate

    I made a solemn oath never to laugh at Australian accent jokes again, but that one got me.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    What is the name of the first vegetable converted to Christianity?

    Cornelius.

    Why did Peter disapprove?

    He had a thing against ears.

    In which book of the Bible is this mentioned?

    Acts II

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    darunia106darunia106 J-bob in games Death MountainRegistered User regular
    Chico...

    pHWHd2G.jpg
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    ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    Why haven't you heard about this before?

    Pope Secret.

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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    Chico, we spend a lot of time implying this and not saying it, but you're sincerely the best. Never change.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    edited April 2021
    In order to combat vegans I am training how to scientifically add more meat to dishes.

    Thats right, I'm becoming a Meatierologist.

    Bedlam on
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    BnakuCj.jpg

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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    Holy shit.

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    I

    Love

    Googly eyes

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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    I keep getting ads for googly eye dice on kickstarter.
    I can't imagine how they'd be balanced, but I'm tempted anyway.

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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    9mnik4hq3ztw.png

    This has been in my Amazon shopping list for months now, and I think it's about time to pull the trigger.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    I have two of those in my desk drawer.

    You know, for emergencies.

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    MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    Here's my receipt from lunch the other day.

    Some men just want to watch the world burn.

    ytv6qinbizio.png

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    The perfect business card doesn't exist...

    2hkT6Cn.jpg

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    tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks OaklandRegistered User regular
    If British scientist Lord Kelvin somehow found himself transformed into a large monster like the Hulk, what would his alter-ego be called?

    The Absolute Zero Unit

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    LucedesLucedes might be real Registered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    The perfect business card doesn't exist...

    2hkT6Cn.jpg

    my health insurance cards come with a blank on the same (page? die? whatever) and they marked them INTENTIONALLY BLANK.
    i have been using them for the same gag for several years.

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    Robin: Why do you name everything after yourself?

    Batman: I do not.

    Robin: Batarangs, Batmobile, Bat-Computer... I bet you even name stuff in your bathroom after yourself.

    Batman: ...Fine. Yes. I do use Bat-Shampoo.

    Robin: See?

    Batman: But! I also use Conditioner Gordon.

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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    If April showers bring mayflowers, what do mayflowers bring?
    Genocide!

    BLM - ACAB
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    edited April 2021
    *waking up and taking my computer out of sleep mode*

    My computer: Alert! Your computer will restart outside of normal use hours.

    Me: Dude. You literally...just...were.

    Bedlam on
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    wavIkyx.jpg

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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    wavIkyx.jpg

    FUCK

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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    I...kind of want a small framed print of that to hang up somewhere in my house where it can ambush guests.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    I...kind of want a small framed print of that to hang up somewhere in my house where it can ambush guests.

    Get a fracture, maybe the 4x6.

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    knitdanknitdan In ur base Killin ur guysRegistered User regular
    What do you call it when you letter to the editor gets you in hot water with the authorities?
    J’Accuzi!

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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    KetarKetar Come on upstairs we're having a partyRegistered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    I...kind of want a small framed print of that to hang up somewhere in my house where it can ambush guests.

    I have it on a t-shirt. Tended to get a lot of compliments when I would wear it for hosting trivia.

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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Shoplifting is its own reward.

    BLM - ACAB
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    KupiKupi Registered User regular
    You hear about the Dwarven Mafia? If you cross them, they take you for a long walk with a short peer.

    My favorite musical instrument is the air-raid siren.
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    ToxTox I kill threads he/himRegistered User regular
    Be careful not to mix up jacuzzi and yakuza or you'll end up in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

    Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    Editing a draft is its own reword

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    compiling known facts is its own record

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    MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    edited April 2021
    Why did the taxi driver get fired? Passengers didn’t like it when she went the extra mile.


    (will work on that other one).

    MichaelLC on
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    djmitchelladjmitchella Registered User regular
    via the podcast thread:

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    PolaritiePolaritie Sleepy Registered User regular
    djmitchella wrote: »
    via the podcast thread:


    I feel bad for laughing at this. Oof.

    Steam: Polaritie
    3DS: 0473-8507-2652
    Switch: SW-5185-4991-5118
    PSN: AbEntropy
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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    Polaritie wrote: »
    djmitchella wrote: »
    via the podcast thread:


    I feel bad for laughing at this. Oof.

    Don’t worry, they don’t mind.
    Because they are dead.

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    pimentopimento she/they/pim Registered User regular

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    9xQ71WI.jpg

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Penny Arcade Forums› Social Entropy++