I came upstairs to get the toddler and find my son and daughter outside helping the neighbors rake the leaves from their yard. This kid is going to make me go mad.
I came upstairs to get the toddler and find my son and daughter outside helping the neighbors rake the leaves from their yard. This kid is going to make me go mad.
Sometimes you just need to let them win one so you don't go insane. Just take a deep breath, relax and go chill doing something you like for a bit, then come back to it.
Nothing works on my kid. He just throws a fit and starts slamming stuff on the ground and screeching the entire time. The past 3 days it's been the same thing. We ask him to practice his taekwondo forms and then he throws a kinipshit and then it's 45 minutes of timeout while he screams and slams his hands on the ground.
3 goddamn days straight. He did his flip out last night and he lost his screen time for a full week. He flipped out this morning and got into deep trouble again. We then took him to his taekwondo competition where he got a gold and silver medal. 5 minutes after he gets home he says he's going downstairs to play his Switch. Which I kindly remind him that he lost it.
Then he flipped out again. Slapping around his toys and screaming at his mother. We sent him downstairs to sit in timeout. He started screeching at the top of his lungs which then woke up his 3 yr old sister who was napping (who was on the other side of the house). Which got him into even more trouble. I put him in the laundry room and shut the door.
Maybe 10 minutes later he comes out to apologize for yelling but I'm so fucking sick of seeing him or hearing him.
I find there is some value (in the event of major punishments like a weeks lost screen time) to reminding the child that the punishment is in place before they get home etc. Won't do that much, but it can help a little bit.
What can work for a kid who just screams in timeout is kinda the opposite, where you tell them to run laps or something.
The other option is adult timeout, where you leave the kid to scream in a safe place and you just go relax in another room.
Got an appointment for my oldest tomorrow and that's for sure the first time I've ever seen a kid celebrate the news that they're getting a shot
Yes, both kids (6 y.o. and 10 y.o.) got shots in their arms today! Only downside is the nurse kind of botched the shot for the 6 y.o., hurting her. Hope it doesn't become and issue for the second dose.
Nothing works on my kid. He just throws a fit and starts slamming stuff on the ground and screeching the entire time. The past 3 days it's been the same thing. We ask him to practice his taekwondo forms and then he throws a kinipshit and then it's 45 minutes of timeout while he screams and slams his hands on the ground.
3 goddamn days straight. He did his flip out last night and he lost his screen time for a full week. He flipped out this morning and got into deep trouble again. We then took him to his taekwondo competition where he got a gold and silver medal. 5 minutes after he gets home he says he's going downstairs to play his Switch. Which I kindly remind him that he lost it.
Then he flipped out again. Slapping around his toys and screaming at his mother. We sent him downstairs to sit in timeout. He started screeching at the top of his lungs which then woke up his 3 yr old sister who was napping (who was on the other side of the house). Which got him into even more trouble. I put him in the laundry room and shut the door.
Maybe 10 minutes later he comes out to apologize for yelling but I'm so fucking sick of seeing him or hearing him.
Is this the one you suspect of having ADHD? I really do feel for you, in any case. This sounds like exactly the pattern we had with my son (ADHD + ASD). I really do think that part of his ADHD (though it might be tied into ASD, too) is that his fight or flight system is broken. Specifically, the part that says "okay, danger situation is over, time to turn off the fight/flight and go back to normal operations" just didn't kick in. Instead, he would rage and rage until exhausted, then he would come down only because his body simply could not support it anymore.
This caused so much grief on our part, and suffering on his part. One of the biggest reliefs of his ADHD diagnosis and reading about the condition was that it because less of a "why are you acting this way?!" and more of a "Jesus, I'm sorry your brain is torturing you like this" feeling. It didn't make the situation any less sucky, but it did take some of the blame out of it in our heads. It helped me let go of some of the anger. At least, for a while (see below).
What did help was medication. I am very much pro-medication. I feel like most people who are anti-medication don't realize just how much the of a torturous experience it can be for the child to be unmedicated. It's not just about adults' comfort (or the other siblings). If my brain started functioning the way his did, I would very much want someone to give me something to help. That kind of rage that ends in exhaustion and a body wracked by stress hormones is not a healthy thing for anyone. I don't "embrace the neurodiversity" that leads to that. It's a disadvantage that can deeply effect the kid and his ability to be part of a loving family.
It didn't make it go away! People get this idea that you medicate kids into a stupor. But the vastly more likely even is that you medicate your kids into an "almost neurotypical" state. Yeah, they still have meltdowns, but they're not as bad, and it takes more to get into that state. In fact, if you overmedicate you can actually makes things worse. I had a friend who felt ambivalent about trying to get his daughter to take her medication, because he felt like he was bad for giving her drugs. But the reality was that her brain was already giving her drugs. Just the wrong kind of drugs. Not everything that our bodies "naturally" do on their own is good. I feel sorry for people who feel that way, because eventually they'll be in their 40s, too. :biggrin:
I would strongly urge you to find a way to get an ADHD evaluation for him. The earlier you can intervene, the better the results are. This is a condition that can be caustic to a family dynamic.
I often think that having kids was a fucking mistake. I'm at this point where they cause so much stress in our house that my wife and I are on the verge of crying at every moment when we're home. Work is my vacation because I don't have people yelling at me and telling me my food is disgusting. Every single fucking day.
I'm so sick of it all.
Again, I really do so feel for you. I struggle with this every day. Coming back to the anger thing I mentioned before, I find myself struggling with this. We had some "golden years" where the ADHD really got under "control" enough that we could function a lot better. But then the ASD kicked into higher gear as he got older, and my daughter moved from being a toddler to being a sentient being who now bounced off him on a daily, no, hourly, no, constant basis. Yes, all kids say "she's looking at me!" But it's much worse when this leads to a kid becoming totally unhinged by it.
It's gotten to the point where there is some of the behavior that is under his conscious control and some that isn't and it's so hard to separate out the two. He has gotten physically aggressive, especially with his mom. He hounds his sister. She has to go to her room and lock her door to shelter from him, but he just takes figuring out how to get in as a puzzle. We're trying to get help from several angles, but this is one of those situations where there's just no good answer. Many, many times I wish I could have never had kids (or even gotten married). I do not enjoy my life a lot of the time now. And I feel guilty, because I know he did not ask to be born this way.
We're in counseling both for us as parents but also for him. But he sits in the doorway behind the Zoom session and slowly scoots away. He has absolutely no ability to talk about his emotional state. Steel shutters go up and he'll do no more than grunt or possibly shrug. Any time the attention is focused on him, he's out of there. It makes any kind of therapy so unrewarding. I have sat in a room downstairs and cried from the stress of it all.
And I fear for the future. I fear when he puts on a few years and starts to grow into his strength. He definitely got my genes, naturally running to the muscular side. He shows every sign of being bigger and stronger than me in about four to six years. Only he'll be in his prime and I'll be in my 50s. I'm trying to do everything I can but sometimes I feel like the time for getting it right is just slipping through my fingers.
Shit, I really didn't mean to write so much but let's just say you are heard. Maybe most parents feel this way, whether their children are all neurotypical or not. I can only say that biology is a real con artist. Looking back, I have no idea why we thought it was so important to have kids but here we are. And the frustrating part is that though I can say I love my daughter and get love from her in return, it's getting harder and harder to say that about my son. If he was a person I had met, I would not want to spend time with him again. He stopped allowing hugs years ago. Not long after, he stopped saying "I love you" and told us that us saying it to him meant nothing. I'm really not sure what the future will hold.
Well, that started out awfully optimistic and went completely off the goddamned rails.
The thing I struggle with is that he's perfect when he's in school. He helps other students out. Volunteers for everything for the teacher. Every parent teacher conference we go to we hear the same thing... He's an angel and they wish they could clone him every year.
So I really don't understand why we have to get the other side of the coin from him. And it's not all the time... Sometimes he's 100% normal and helps out. But something triggers him and then he spirals out of control. I ask him to talk about his feelings and he does but he just can't stop himself after a certain point.
The thing I struggle with is that he's perfect when he's in school. He helps other students out. Volunteers for everything for the teacher. Every parent teacher conference we go to we hear the same thing... He's an angel and they wish they could clone him every year.
So I really don't understand why we have to get the other side of the coin from him. And it's not all the time... Sometimes he's 100% normal and helps out. But something triggers him and then he spirals out of control. I ask him to talk about his feelings and he does but he just can't stop himself after a certain point.
Exact same thing here. While his ADHD/ASD affect how he can focus in the classroom, he's always on his best conduct.
Today I took my daughter to a playdate, so my son stayed at home with my wife. This can go fine, or it can go badly. It went badly. He spiraled into a nasty mood, which ended with him pounding her in the head with couch cushions with all his strength. She finally had to go lock herself up in the bathroom. "Luckily", we came back early due to her playmate falling and getting an ouchie. Otherwise, this would have continued for another hour or so. He was just intentionally terrorizing her.
Now I basically can't do anything with my daughter, which sucks for me and my wife but especially sucks for my relationship with my daughter. I had wanted to take her to the Field Museum in Chicago over spring break, since she's a huge dino fan and it's something we share. And I just realized I don't even know how I'm going to go to Unplugged in a month. Fuck.
The thing I struggle with is that he's perfect when he's in school. He helps other students out. Volunteers for everything for the teacher. Every parent teacher conference we go to we hear the same thing... He's an angel and they wish they could clone him every year.
So I really don't understand why we have to get the other side of the coin from him. And it's not all the time... Sometimes he's 100% normal and helps out. But something triggers him and then he spirals out of control. I ask him to talk about his feelings and he does but he just can't stop himself after a certain point.
Exact same thing here. While his ADHD/ASD affect how he can focus in the classroom, he's always on his best conduct.
Today I took my daughter to a playdate, so my son stayed at home with my wife. This can go fine, or it can go badly. It went badly. He spiraled into a nasty mood, which ended with him pounding her in the head with couch cushions with all his strength. She finally had to go lock herself up in the bathroom. "Luckily", we came back early due to her playmate falling and getting an ouchie. Otherwise, this would have continued for another hour or so. He was just intentionally terrorizing her.
Now I basically can't do anything with my daughter, which sucks for me and my wife but especially sucks for my relationship with my daughter. I had wanted to take her to the Field Museum in Chicago over spring break, since she's a huge dino fan and it's something we share. And I just realized I don't even know how I'm going to go to Unplugged in a month. Fuck.
The thing I struggle with is that he's perfect when he's in school. He helps other students out. Volunteers for everything for the teacher. Every parent teacher conference we go to we hear the same thing... He's an angel and they wish they could clone him every year.
So I really don't understand why we have to get the other side of the coin from him. And it's not all the time... Sometimes he's 100% normal and helps out. But something triggers him and then he spirals out of control. I ask him to talk about his feelings and he does but he just can't stop himself after a certain point.
You may find that there is benefit to "stating the obvious" in terms of behavior expectations before an activity and making it clear that the rules are iron clad with no exceptions, and exactly what the consequences for breaking them will be.
In school, there is a consistent expectation of behavior, and changes in expectation are communicated by the schedule, location and teacher. So, knowing what to do can be easy. At home, sometimes it's time for wrestling and shouting, sometimes it's time for quiet reading.
The thing I struggle with is that he's perfect when he's in school. He helps other students out. Volunteers for everything for the teacher. Every parent teacher conference we go to we hear the same thing... He's an angel and they wish they could clone him every year.
So I really don't understand why we have to get the other side of the coin from him. And it's not all the time... Sometimes he's 100% normal and helps out. But something triggers him and then he spirals out of control. I ask him to talk about his feelings and he does but he just can't stop himself after a certain point.
You may find that there is benefit to "stating the obvious" in terms of behavior expectations before an activity and making it clear that the rules are iron clad with no exceptions, and exactly what the consequences for breaking them will be.
In school, there is a consistent expectation of behavior, and changes in expectation are communicated by the schedule, location and teacher. So, knowing what to do can be easy. At home, sometimes it's time for wrestling and shouting, sometimes it's time for quiet reading.
I don't know how to fix those expectations then. For dinner we ask they wash their hands and sit in their seats. The problem is that all of them get out of their seats all the time. And my wife and I have to say "sit down" at least 100 times. No matter what punishments come it still happens and then it spirals the rest of the night from there.
The thing I struggle with is that he's perfect when he's in school. He helps other students out. Volunteers for everything for the teacher. Every parent teacher conference we go to we hear the same thing... He's an angel and they wish they could clone him every year.
So I really don't understand why we have to get the other side of the coin from him. And it's not all the time... Sometimes he's 100% normal and helps out. But something triggers him and then he spirals out of control. I ask him to talk about his feelings and he does but he just can't stop himself after a certain point.
You may find that there is benefit to "stating the obvious" in terms of behavior expectations before an activity and making it clear that the rules are iron clad with no exceptions, and exactly what the consequences for breaking them will be.
In school, there is a consistent expectation of behavior, and changes in expectation are communicated by the schedule, location and teacher. So, knowing what to do can be easy. At home, sometimes it's time for wrestling and shouting, sometimes it's time for quiet reading.
I don't know how to fix those expectations then. For dinner we ask they wash their hands and sit in their seats. The problem is that all of them get out of their seats all the time. And my wife and I have to say "sit down" at least 100 times. No matter what punishments come it still happens and then it spirals the rest of the night from there.
I mean, nothing is going to work for everyone, but, what you might try doing is setting rules that you also have to follow? So, everyone forms a line, washes their hands, and then goes to sit at the table, and then once everyone is sitting down, a parent goes to get the food. If he's old enough, you can also experiment with giving him responsibility for the rules. IE, he has to watch others and decide if they are breaking them.
I mean, clearly you know all the standard stuff right, like, nothing counts until you’ve tried it for at least 3 weeks, and making sure you and your wife are 100% on the same page in regards to the rules and discipline. That’s another thing that school has that you don’t, at school, the teacher at the time sets the rules and there’s no ‘appeal’. At home there can be a lack of clarity right? Maybe your wife will say yes when you don’t etc.
Are there any rules and behaviors your son is happy following at home? That he does a solid job following unprompted. Like, maybe he’s good at tidying up or something? Or, he’s good at taking care of the dog and making sure it’s walked? Those might be areas where he might be old enough to be given more explicit authority?
Thinking of the fact he is so good at school, is he also a good student? He might be bored at home, and, if academics are his thing you might consider the odd solution of more school. Get him an advanced maths tutor or something? Or send him to one of those 4 hour weekend intense math/language things. Some kids respond well to learning, and it’s the mental stimulation of that which puts them in a good spot for behavior rather than physical activity.
So my wife and I did it, we had a kid. A little girl, born 11/12/21, 6 lbs 4 oz. Had to be a C-section because despite being head down for 2 months, she flipped after my wife was induced.
Great kid, only cries if she is hungry (which is frequent). She spent a lot of time in the womb listening to dachshunds barking, so she’s pretty chill with loud noises. I had to lubricate the hinges to the nursery door and she didn’t even wake up while I was banging on those. She had her first bath yesterday which was fun!
We’ve been mixing bottles one by one, but I’m getting weary of continuing to do that. I want to mix a set amount of formula once a day and just warm bottles up. My wife thinks this would be more tedious than what we’ve been doing. We’ve been tracking how much she eats, so we know about how much formula to mix for a day. Did any of you do this, or did you just mix bottles as you needed them?
Steam - Synthetic Violence | XBOX Live - Cannonfuse | PSN - CastleBravo | Twitch - SoggybiscuitPA
I mean, clearly you know all the standard stuff right, like, nothing counts until you’ve tried it for at least 3 weeks, and making sure you and your wife are 100% on the same page in regards to the rules and discipline. That’s another thing that school has that you don’t, at school, the teacher at the time sets the rules and there’s no ‘appeal’. At home there can be a lack of clarity right? Maybe your wife will say yes when you don’t etc.
Are there any rules and behaviors your son is happy following at home? That he does a solid job following unprompted. Like, maybe he’s good at tidying up or something? Or, he’s good at taking care of the dog and making sure it’s walked? Those might be areas where he might be old enough to be given more explicit authority?
Thinking of the fact he is so good at school, is he also a good student? He might be bored at home, and, if academics are his thing you might consider the odd solution of more school. Get him an advanced maths tutor or something? Or send him to one of those 4 hour weekend intense math/language things. Some kids respond well to learning, and it’s the mental stimulation of that which puts them in a good spot for behavior rather than physical activity.
So as a follow up to this saga. He went to his grandparents house two weekends ago and on Saturday my step mom called me and told me to come pick him up. He got mad at losing in a video game and had another meltdown.
Which was incredibly frustrating for us because we had planned on a weekend with no kids. My wife's small business is booming and so she was getting work done and my stress levels were lowering.
So when he got back we told him we're switching to a new model. He needs to prove himself to get his tablet or Switch time. If he's bad at all then he loses it for that day.
I'm sure I'm going to regret saying this but since then he's been a model child. The occasional argument with his sister but otherwise no meltdowns or fights or anything like that. It's been wild to see this transformation.
We just mixed bottles as we needed them.
We divided the formula into serves in little plastic containers that had a funnel though.
So it was just dump powder in warm water and shake by the end of it.
No carrying around a tin and measuring.
My kids never had a set amount that they ate, so we just mixed as needed. We combo fed, so that added to the uncertainty.
It's not really a bad idea- just be aware of how long they can stay "good" in the fridge, and don't forget to use it in time.
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
So my wife and I did it, we had a kid. A little girl, born 11/12/21, 6 lbs 4 oz. Had to be a C-section because despite being head down for 2 months, she flipped after my wife was induced.
Great kid, only cries if she is hungry (which is frequent). She spent a lot of time in the womb listening to dachshunds barking, so she’s pretty chill with loud noises. I had to lubricate the hinges to the nursery door and she didn’t even wake up while I was banging on those. She had her first bath yesterday which was fun!
We’ve been mixing bottles one by one, but I’m getting weary of continuing to do that. I want to mix a set amount of formula once a day and just warm bottles up. My wife thinks this would be more tedious than what we’ve been doing. We’ve been tracking how much she eats, so we know about how much formula to mix for a day. Did any of you do this, or did you just mix bottles as you needed them?
We got a mixing jug, and made up in 24hr batches once the boy was old enough that he had a pattern. “He drinks 5 bottles a day, that’s 1200ml of hot water” etc.
The plus sides were:
1. The mixing jug has a little attachment that mixes for you. This was both easier than shaking up the individual bottles by hand, and less effort
2. The mixing jug ensured a consistency of mix; sometimes the ones I hand poured would look a bit too sludgy or anemic.
3. The mixing jug could be stored in the fridge if you wanted, then just poured into bottles as desired and reheated
4. If you did not want, then you could make up the individual bottles and store those in the fridge instead.
Honestly we found the consistency of mix was good, and led to less gassiness from the boy, which was a really big win in the days before he learned to fart on demand. While making a batch shouldn’t be less effort than making by hand, we also found it good to be able to make a batch while the little fella was down, and so cut down the time-to-delivery when he was hungry to just “warm bottle”.
I’m a big fan of the Dr Browns mixing pitcher, as you can see!
…also, remember that regardless of whether you mix in jug or by hand, you want to add the water first, then the formula (eg 250ml water, then 4 scoops). Not scoops first, then water - because that means when you hit 250ml on the bottle, you’ve actually got about 200ml + the formula.
Which in our case led to a little person really straining to pass a poo with the consistency of cement.
I mean, clearly you know all the standard stuff right, like, nothing counts until you’ve tried it for at least 3 weeks, and making sure you and your wife are 100% on the same page in regards to the rules and discipline. That’s another thing that school has that you don’t, at school, the teacher at the time sets the rules and there’s no ‘appeal’. At home there can be a lack of clarity right? Maybe your wife will say yes when you don’t etc.
Are there any rules and behaviors your son is happy following at home? That he does a solid job following unprompted. Like, maybe he’s good at tidying up or something? Or, he’s good at taking care of the dog and making sure it’s walked? Those might be areas where he might be old enough to be given more explicit authority?
Thinking of the fact he is so good at school, is he also a good student? He might be bored at home, and, if academics are his thing you might consider the odd solution of more school. Get him an advanced maths tutor or something? Or send him to one of those 4 hour weekend intense math/language things. Some kids respond well to learning, and it’s the mental stimulation of that which puts them in a good spot for behavior rather than physical activity.
So as a follow up to this saga. He went to his grandparents house two weekends ago and on Saturday my step mom called me and told me to come pick him up. He got mad at losing in a video game and had another meltdown.
Which was incredibly frustrating for us because we had planned on a weekend with no kids. My wife's small business is booming and so she was getting work done and my stress levels were lowering.
So when he got back we told him we're switching to a new model. He needs to prove himself to get his tablet or Switch time. If he's bad at all then he loses it for that day.
I'm sure I'm going to regret saying this but since then he's been a model child. The occasional argument with his sister but otherwise no meltdowns or fights or anything like that. It's been wild to see this transformation.
Sounds like he may respond to simplicity and clarity in rules? Your very strict, one strike and your out, policy seems to showing the results you want whereas previously I’m sure you demanded good behavior for games etc, but took them away afte a more vague number of failures.
Not sticking to my warnings is often where I mess up as a parent, and it always makes things worse. I often have to consciously work to make sure to stick to the clearly stated consequences after behavior has improved, and I always regret it when I allow any leeway. So, stick with strict, well stated rules I reckon. Better for everyone’s sanity!
It also seems like when my kids go through growth spurts they just can't seem to handle it. My oldest used to have night terrors and about a week after they're done she became way more mature.
So my wife and I did it, we had a kid. A little girl, born 11/12/21, 6 lbs 4 oz. Had to be a C-section because despite being head down for 2 months, she flipped after my wife was induced.
Great kid, only cries if she is hungry (which is frequent). She spent a lot of time in the womb listening to dachshunds barking, so she’s pretty chill with loud noises. I had to lubricate the hinges to the nursery door and she didn’t even wake up while I was banging on those. She had her first bath yesterday which was fun!
We’ve been mixing bottles one by one, but I’m getting weary of continuing to do that. I want to mix a set amount of formula once a day and just warm bottles up. My wife thinks this would be more tedious than what we’ve been doing. We’ve been tracking how much she eats, so we know about how much formula to mix for a day. Did any of you do this, or did you just mix bottles as you needed them?
We did mostly natural, but some added for 2nd one. Doing bottles as needed is how we did it. Don't worry, there's plenty of treadmill around bottle washing as well, so you can get your batching needs done when it comes to cleaning.
Our new dishwasher has a third rack and it's clutch for washing nipples. Don't know how useful it'll be after we're done with bottles but right now it's a lifesaver.
God the hardest part of having a newborn was waiting for the milk to warm up to an acceptable temperature while you have a screeching demon in your arms.
Bonus points when your children then ask why you aren't limiting your own screen time.
"I don't even want to watch Ultimate Kabaddi* right now but I have to put something on just to keep you from thinking that if the TV is on it has to be on a kids show."
*I lied, I'm always down to watch professional tag
Carpy on
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ShadowfireVermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered Userregular
God the hardest part of having a newborn was waiting for the milk to warm up to an acceptable temperature while you have a screeching demon in your arms.
One of the nice things when we switched to formula. Didn't have to wait for anything to thaw.
God the hardest part of having a newborn was waiting for the milk to warm up to an acceptable temperature while you have a screeching demon in your arms.
One of the nice things when we switched to formula. Didn't have to wait for anything to thaw.
Yeah I'm not sure if we could have afforded paying for formula haha.
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lonelyahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
God the hardest part of having a newborn was waiting for the milk to warm up to an acceptable temperature while you have a screeching demon in your arms.
One of the nice things when we switched to formula. Didn't have to wait for anything to thaw.
Yeah I'm not sure if we could have afforded paying for formula haha.
A hack we figured out: If you qualify for WIC, always say you're bottle feeding, even if you are breastfeeding. The breastfeeding option has more food for mom, but it's honestly all cheap stuff and totals maybe $25 (plus a lot of it is on a shopping list so hope you like weird off brand cereals. The bottle feeding option trades that for like $80 of formula a month.
God the hardest part of having a newborn was waiting for the milk to warm up to an acceptable temperature while you have a screeching demon in your arms.
One of the nice things when we switched to formula. Didn't have to wait for anything to thaw.
Depends if your kiddo will drink cold-to-room temp formula. Ours would very much Not. So you lost five minutes warming the bottle out of the fridge. At least we didn’t have to mix it first!
He’s less picky now, as the drive into eating All The Solids continues. Has a hollow leg, I swear.
God the hardest part of having a newborn was waiting for the milk to warm up to an acceptable temperature while you have a screeching demon in your arms.
One of the nice things when we switched to formula. Didn't have to wait for anything to thaw.
Yeah I'm not sure if we could have afforded paying for formula haha.
Yeah I definitely wish we were breastfeeding (it’s certainly cheaper) but due to a small happenstance the best my wife can do is pump and give what she gets to the little one. Our girl had a really bad tongue tie, so bad she couldn’t even get her tongue past her lips. That made it practically impossible for her to breast feed, so after like 18 hours of her not being able to breast feed the hospital gave us some formula and she ate every bit of it. We got the tongue tie fixed but she won’t latch now at all unfortunately. She will eat pumped breast milk without issue.
My wife feels bad about it but I’m just happy out little girl is eating and growing. We got a scale and she was like an ounce short of birth weight a couple of days ago and has probably passed that up by now so she is doing well.
Steam - Synthetic Violence | XBOX Live - Cannonfuse | PSN - CastleBravo | Twitch - SoggybiscuitPA
God the hardest part of having a newborn was waiting for the milk to warm up to an acceptable temperature while you have a screeching demon in your arms.
One of the nice things when we switched to formula. Didn't have to wait for anything to thaw.
Yeah I'm not sure if we could have afforded paying for formula haha.
Yeah I definitely wish we were breastfeeding (it’s certainly cheaper) but due to a small happenstance the best my wife can do is pump and give what she gets to the little one. Our girl had a really bad tongue tie, so bad she couldn’t even get her tongue past her lips. That made it practically impossible for her to breast feed, so after like 18 hours of her not being able to breast feed the hospital gave us some formula and she ate every bit of it. We got the tongue tie fixed but she won’t latch now at all unfortunately. She will eat pumped breast milk without issue.
My wife feels bad about it but I’m just happy out little girl is eating and growing. We got a scale and she was like an ounce short of birth weight a couple of days ago and has probably passed that up by now so she is doing well.
I wish you luck.
My youngest had tongue and lip ties. She would suck pumped milk. Then we got them fixed and she could finally breast feed. Then she absolutely rejected the bottle, which was a pain when my wife went back to work.
Hm. So my son has been recently talking about how he wants to sleep with his big sister because sometimes at night when he's alone he gets scared because he hears something "screaming" and he doesn't know what it is. He said it sounds like the tornado siren or something. He says it's localized at the window or something. It's very weird. I think it might be tinnitus since I also have the problem. I can only really hear it whenever I am at night and it's quiet... So I played a Youtube video that supposedly sounds like tinnitus and he said it sounds exactly like that.... For every sound they played lol. There was 10 different sounds and he did a thumbs up on each of them.
So I don't know if it's actually tinnitus or if he's just going through a heavy dream that he thinks someone is screaming out the window or something.
Hm. So my son has been recently talking about how he wants to sleep with his big sister because sometimes at night when he's alone he gets scared because he hears something "screaming" and he doesn't know what it is. He said it sounds like the tornado siren or something. He says it's localized at the window or something. It's very weird. I think it might be tinnitus since I also have the problem. I can only really hear it whenever I am at night and it's quiet... So I played a Youtube video that supposedly sounds like tinnitus and he said it sounds exactly like that.... For every sound they played lol. There was 10 different sounds and he did a thumbs up on each of them.
So I don't know if it's actually tinnitus or if he's just going through a heavy dream that he thinks someone is screaming out the window or something.
Maybe you should have the doctor look in his ears, might be an infection.
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ShadowfireVermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered Userregular
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Sometimes you just need to let them win one so you don't go insane. Just take a deep breath, relax and go chill doing something you like for a bit, then come back to it.
I find there is some value (in the event of major punishments like a weeks lost screen time) to reminding the child that the punishment is in place before they get home etc. Won't do that much, but it can help a little bit.
What can work for a kid who just screams in timeout is kinda the opposite, where you tell them to run laps or something.
The other option is adult timeout, where you leave the kid to scream in a safe place and you just go relax in another room.
Yes, both kids (6 y.o. and 10 y.o.) got shots in their arms today! Only downside is the nurse kind of botched the shot for the 6 y.o., hurting her. Hope it doesn't become and issue for the second dose.
Is this the one you suspect of having ADHD? I really do feel for you, in any case. This sounds like exactly the pattern we had with my son (ADHD + ASD). I really do think that part of his ADHD (though it might be tied into ASD, too) is that his fight or flight system is broken. Specifically, the part that says "okay, danger situation is over, time to turn off the fight/flight and go back to normal operations" just didn't kick in. Instead, he would rage and rage until exhausted, then he would come down only because his body simply could not support it anymore.
This caused so much grief on our part, and suffering on his part. One of the biggest reliefs of his ADHD diagnosis and reading about the condition was that it because less of a "why are you acting this way?!" and more of a "Jesus, I'm sorry your brain is torturing you like this" feeling. It didn't make the situation any less sucky, but it did take some of the blame out of it in our heads. It helped me let go of some of the anger. At least, for a while (see below).
What did help was medication. I am very much pro-medication. I feel like most people who are anti-medication don't realize just how much the of a torturous experience it can be for the child to be unmedicated. It's not just about adults' comfort (or the other siblings). If my brain started functioning the way his did, I would very much want someone to give me something to help. That kind of rage that ends in exhaustion and a body wracked by stress hormones is not a healthy thing for anyone. I don't "embrace the neurodiversity" that leads to that. It's a disadvantage that can deeply effect the kid and his ability to be part of a loving family.
It didn't make it go away! People get this idea that you medicate kids into a stupor. But the vastly more likely even is that you medicate your kids into an "almost neurotypical" state. Yeah, they still have meltdowns, but they're not as bad, and it takes more to get into that state. In fact, if you overmedicate you can actually makes things worse. I had a friend who felt ambivalent about trying to get his daughter to take her medication, because he felt like he was bad for giving her drugs. But the reality was that her brain was already giving her drugs. Just the wrong kind of drugs. Not everything that our bodies "naturally" do on their own is good. I feel sorry for people who feel that way, because eventually they'll be in their 40s, too. :biggrin:
I would strongly urge you to find a way to get an ADHD evaluation for him. The earlier you can intervene, the better the results are. This is a condition that can be caustic to a family dynamic.
Again, I really do so feel for you. I struggle with this every day. Coming back to the anger thing I mentioned before, I find myself struggling with this. We had some "golden years" where the ADHD really got under "control" enough that we could function a lot better. But then the ASD kicked into higher gear as he got older, and my daughter moved from being a toddler to being a sentient being who now bounced off him on a daily, no, hourly, no, constant basis. Yes, all kids say "she's looking at me!" But it's much worse when this leads to a kid becoming totally unhinged by it.
It's gotten to the point where there is some of the behavior that is under his conscious control and some that isn't and it's so hard to separate out the two. He has gotten physically aggressive, especially with his mom. He hounds his sister. She has to go to her room and lock her door to shelter from him, but he just takes figuring out how to get in as a puzzle. We're trying to get help from several angles, but this is one of those situations where there's just no good answer. Many, many times I wish I could have never had kids (or even gotten married). I do not enjoy my life a lot of the time now. And I feel guilty, because I know he did not ask to be born this way.
We're in counseling both for us as parents but also for him. But he sits in the doorway behind the Zoom session and slowly scoots away. He has absolutely no ability to talk about his emotional state. Steel shutters go up and he'll do no more than grunt or possibly shrug. Any time the attention is focused on him, he's out of there. It makes any kind of therapy so unrewarding. I have sat in a room downstairs and cried from the stress of it all.
And I fear for the future. I fear when he puts on a few years and starts to grow into his strength. He definitely got my genes, naturally running to the muscular side. He shows every sign of being bigger and stronger than me in about four to six years. Only he'll be in his prime and I'll be in my 50s. I'm trying to do everything I can but sometimes I feel like the time for getting it right is just slipping through my fingers.
Shit, I really didn't mean to write so much but let's just say you are heard. Maybe most parents feel this way, whether their children are all neurotypical or not. I can only say that biology is a real con artist. Looking back, I have no idea why we thought it was so important to have kids but here we are. And the frustrating part is that though I can say I love my daughter and get love from her in return, it's getting harder and harder to say that about my son. If he was a person I had met, I would not want to spend time with him again. He stopped allowing hugs years ago. Not long after, he stopped saying "I love you" and told us that us saying it to him meant nothing. I'm really not sure what the future will hold.
Well, that started out awfully optimistic and went completely off the goddamned rails.
So I really don't understand why we have to get the other side of the coin from him. And it's not all the time... Sometimes he's 100% normal and helps out. But something triggers him and then he spirals out of control. I ask him to talk about his feelings and he does but he just can't stop himself after a certain point.
Exact same thing here. While his ADHD/ASD affect how he can focus in the classroom, he's always on his best conduct.
Today I took my daughter to a playdate, so my son stayed at home with my wife. This can go fine, or it can go badly. It went badly. He spiraled into a nasty mood, which ended with him pounding her in the head with couch cushions with all his strength. She finally had to go lock herself up in the bathroom. "Luckily", we came back early due to her playmate falling and getting an ouchie. Otherwise, this would have continued for another hour or so. He was just intentionally terrorizing her.
Now I basically can't do anything with my daughter, which sucks for me and my wife but especially sucks for my relationship with my daughter. I had wanted to take her to the Field Museum in Chicago over spring break, since she's a huge dino fan and it's something we share. And I just realized I don't even know how I'm going to go to Unplugged in a month. Fuck.
:bro:
You may find that there is benefit to "stating the obvious" in terms of behavior expectations before an activity and making it clear that the rules are iron clad with no exceptions, and exactly what the consequences for breaking them will be.
In school, there is a consistent expectation of behavior, and changes in expectation are communicated by the schedule, location and teacher. So, knowing what to do can be easy. At home, sometimes it's time for wrestling and shouting, sometimes it's time for quiet reading.
I don't know how to fix those expectations then. For dinner we ask they wash their hands and sit in their seats. The problem is that all of them get out of their seats all the time. And my wife and I have to say "sit down" at least 100 times. No matter what punishments come it still happens and then it spirals the rest of the night from there.
I mean, nothing is going to work for everyone, but, what you might try doing is setting rules that you also have to follow? So, everyone forms a line, washes their hands, and then goes to sit at the table, and then once everyone is sitting down, a parent goes to get the food. If he's old enough, you can also experiment with giving him responsibility for the rules. IE, he has to watch others and decide if they are breaking them.
I mean, clearly you know all the standard stuff right, like, nothing counts until you’ve tried it for at least 3 weeks, and making sure you and your wife are 100% on the same page in regards to the rules and discipline. That’s another thing that school has that you don’t, at school, the teacher at the time sets the rules and there’s no ‘appeal’. At home there can be a lack of clarity right? Maybe your wife will say yes when you don’t etc.
Are there any rules and behaviors your son is happy following at home? That he does a solid job following unprompted. Like, maybe he’s good at tidying up or something? Or, he’s good at taking care of the dog and making sure it’s walked? Those might be areas where he might be old enough to be given more explicit authority?
Thinking of the fact he is so good at school, is he also a good student? He might be bored at home, and, if academics are his thing you might consider the odd solution of more school. Get him an advanced maths tutor or something? Or send him to one of those 4 hour weekend intense math/language things. Some kids respond well to learning, and it’s the mental stimulation of that which puts them in a good spot for behavior rather than physical activity.
Great kid, only cries if she is hungry (which is frequent). She spent a lot of time in the womb listening to dachshunds barking, so she’s pretty chill with loud noises. I had to lubricate the hinges to the nursery door and she didn’t even wake up while I was banging on those. She had her first bath yesterday which was fun!
We’ve been mixing bottles one by one, but I’m getting weary of continuing to do that. I want to mix a set amount of formula once a day and just warm bottles up. My wife thinks this would be more tedious than what we’ve been doing. We’ve been tracking how much she eats, so we know about how much formula to mix for a day. Did any of you do this, or did you just mix bottles as you needed them?
So as a follow up to this saga. He went to his grandparents house two weekends ago and on Saturday my step mom called me and told me to come pick him up. He got mad at losing in a video game and had another meltdown.
Which was incredibly frustrating for us because we had planned on a weekend with no kids. My wife's small business is booming and so she was getting work done and my stress levels were lowering.
So when he got back we told him we're switching to a new model. He needs to prove himself to get his tablet or Switch time. If he's bad at all then he loses it for that day.
I'm sure I'm going to regret saying this but since then he's been a model child. The occasional argument with his sister but otherwise no meltdowns or fights or anything like that. It's been wild to see this transformation.
We divided the formula into serves in little plastic containers that had a funnel though.
So it was just dump powder in warm water and shake by the end of it.
No carrying around a tin and measuring.
It's not really a bad idea- just be aware of how long they can stay "good" in the fridge, and don't forget to use it in time.
We got a mixing jug, and made up in 24hr batches once the boy was old enough that he had a pattern. “He drinks 5 bottles a day, that’s 1200ml of hot water” etc.
The plus sides were:
1. The mixing jug has a little attachment that mixes for you. This was both easier than shaking up the individual bottles by hand, and less effort
2. The mixing jug ensured a consistency of mix; sometimes the ones I hand poured would look a bit too sludgy or anemic.
3. The mixing jug could be stored in the fridge if you wanted, then just poured into bottles as desired and reheated
4. If you did not want, then you could make up the individual bottles and store those in the fridge instead.
Honestly we found the consistency of mix was good, and led to less gassiness from the boy, which was a really big win in the days before he learned to fart on demand. While making a batch shouldn’t be less effort than making by hand, we also found it good to be able to make a batch while the little fella was down, and so cut down the time-to-delivery when he was hungry to just “warm bottle”.
I’m a big fan of the Dr Browns mixing pitcher, as you can see!
…also, remember that regardless of whether you mix in jug or by hand, you want to add the water first, then the formula (eg 250ml water, then 4 scoops). Not scoops first, then water - because that means when you hit 250ml on the bottle, you’ve actually got about 200ml + the formula.
Which in our case led to a little person really straining to pass a poo with the consistency of cement.
Don’t be as dumb as tired-me was!
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My wife and I have actually commented on needing to give him more stuff he's interested in so we have more stuff to use as leverage...
Sounds like he may respond to simplicity and clarity in rules? Your very strict, one strike and your out, policy seems to showing the results you want whereas previously I’m sure you demanded good behavior for games etc, but took them away afte a more vague number of failures.
Not sticking to my warnings is often where I mess up as a parent, and it always makes things worse. I often have to consciously work to make sure to stick to the clearly stated consequences after behavior has improved, and I always regret it when I allow any leeway. So, stick with strict, well stated rules I reckon. Better for everyone’s sanity!
That being said, I made the bottles with filtered water from the fridge and never once warmed up a bottle. Neither kid seemed to care.
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We did mostly natural, but some added for 2nd one. Doing bottles as needed is how we did it. Don't worry, there's plenty of treadmill around bottle washing as well, so you can get your batching needs done when it comes to cleaning.
Man, I do not miss bottle cleaning.
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Me, scrolling Facebook: "Screen break time, darling!"
"I don't even want to watch Ultimate Kabaddi* right now but I have to put something on just to keep you from thinking that if the TV is on it has to be on a kids show."
*I lied, I'm always down to watch professional tag
One of the nice things when we switched to formula. Didn't have to wait for anything to thaw.
Yeah I'm not sure if we could have afforded paying for formula haha.
https://www.babyfactory.co.nz/philips-avent-milk-powder-dispenser-17215
Held 3 portions of premeasured formula that you could literally just dump in and shake.
Was a good time saver.
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A hack we figured out: If you qualify for WIC, always say you're bottle feeding, even if you are breastfeeding. The breastfeeding option has more food for mom, but it's honestly all cheap stuff and totals maybe $25 (plus a lot of it is on a shopping list so hope you like weird off brand cereals. The bottle feeding option trades that for like $80 of formula a month.
We had the exact same one, was nice I thought.
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Depends if your kiddo will drink cold-to-room temp formula. Ours would very much Not. So you lost five minutes warming the bottle out of the fridge. At least we didn’t have to mix it first!
He’s less picky now, as the drive into eating All The Solids continues. Has a hollow leg, I swear.
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Yeah I definitely wish we were breastfeeding (it’s certainly cheaper) but due to a small happenstance the best my wife can do is pump and give what she gets to the little one. Our girl had a really bad tongue tie, so bad she couldn’t even get her tongue past her lips. That made it practically impossible for her to breast feed, so after like 18 hours of her not being able to breast feed the hospital gave us some formula and she ate every bit of it. We got the tongue tie fixed but she won’t latch now at all unfortunately. She will eat pumped breast milk without issue.
My wife feels bad about it but I’m just happy out little girl is eating and growing. We got a scale and she was like an ounce short of birth weight a couple of days ago and has probably passed that up by now so she is doing well.
I wish you luck.
My youngest had tongue and lip ties. She would suck pumped milk. Then we got them fixed and she could finally breast feed. Then she absolutely rejected the bottle, which was a pain when my wife went back to work.
So I don't know if it's actually tinnitus or if he's just going through a heavy dream that he thinks someone is screaming out the window or something.
Maybe you should have the doctor look in his ears, might be an infection.