The title says it all. I've been sleepwalking through life until this point, accepting things as they are and going with the flow. I was happy, I guess, if not happy then at least content with my place.
It was always school. Always. Focus on getting your degree and then you'll be in a better position to make something of yourself. You'll have something to offer, to add to a conversation, to a relationship. So big fucking what; I'll have a piece of paper to staple to my chest as I kick the chair from under me. Big fucking deal. I look up and around and realize how alone I am, social troglodytes don't get friends, or more.
I look in the mirror and I'm empty; a god damned shell of a person. There's nothing there, NOTHING. I sat through class today, took most of my willpower to keep from just standing up and throwing my shit on the floor as I leave the room. What's the point? I've been learning this shit since highschool, I was told to focus on it then too, look where I ended up you stupid fuckers, a god damned troglodyte. ARGH. This shit means NOTHING if you don't have people to share it with. I haven't even kissed a girl/woman yet, much less gone any further. Hell, I don't even have any female friends(which I would be cool with; that's another point). I can count the amount of friends I have left on one hand. One Fucking hand; I'm not even using powers or multipliers.
This isn't to say I don't like my current friends, I do. Life is flying past me as I waste time not living it, all for a god damned piece of paper. What am I going to do with this shit anyway? Regurgitate it for people, like some fucking zombie computer. I want to be able to survive outside of the scholarly environment, fuck, I haven't even experienced that. Scholars talk and interact with real people, I'm a meat computer. Brzzt, data entered, paper shat out. Next task please.
Zero. The amount of parties I have been to. The amount of new people I have met, and built any sort of relationship with. That number describes me; the meat computer zombie. Just ask for some information and go, that's all I'm good for anyway.
The worst part is, I've learned enough to know this. I know that I am nothing(a nothing). I'm not asking for fame, glory, power. Just, something, growth, love, anything at this point. Having neglected the necessary skills to acquire any of that, makes it near impossible for me to get that.
hahaha, the idiot finally realizes the island is melting. Theres shit all he can do about it.
So here I am, angsting on an internet forum. Having little other recourse, I chose this option. So, being an advice forum there should be a question to all of this. How does a social troglodyte with zero experience in anything social fix himself?