Also that feeling when you accidentally super-swipe someone while attempting to scroll down their profile -_-
rip.
ive done this more than once on accident.
who knows though, maybe this is the moment. "40 years later and all because Orca butter-thumbed the super like button."
+6
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OrcaAlso known as EspressosaurusWrexRegistered Userregular
And now that feeling when you get 4 matches, 3 of which time out, one of which opens with "hi", then you write a long response trying to start a conversation and they reply with "Hi Orca"
Ahhhh, online dating, never change.
+1
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thatassemblyguyJanitor of Technical Debt.Registered Userregular
"Hi Orca. here's a link to my Insta TikTok"
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OrcaAlso known as EspressosaurusWrexRegistered Userregular
I went on a date and it went really well! We talked about setting another one up soon. After the date, I sent her a text message saying I had a good time and I enjoyed the date. This was about an hour ago.
One issue is, for some reason a text message of mine yesterday planning the date was not received. She reached out this morning to ask for more information about the time for meeting up, which indicated she didn't receive my last message setting up the time. I sent her a message via text and on the app clarifying the time and saying that for some reason my last message must not have been sent or received. She received this one via text, and my message saying thay am heading out. During the date we talked about the message from yesterday not sending and she showed showed me that indeed there was a missing message.
A part of me is concerned that she won't receive my after-date message and I don't want to accidentally ghost her. However, I don't want to come off as desperate. Any suggestions on my next steps if I don't hear back in a few days?
I think if you don’t hear back a second follow up is okay (texts do randomly not go through on occasion). Do it in the app so it’s definitely received.
I think if you don’t hear back a second follow up is okay (texts do randomly not go through on occasion). Do it in the app so it’s definitely received.
If you don’t hear back from that call it a wash.
Thank you for the input, I appreciate it! I just received a text back and she enjoyed the date and we are going to go out again when her schedule allows. I may see if she has Whatsapp as that has been more consistent. Overall, I'm happy with the date and looking forward to the next one.
Question, my friend has been trying the online dating scene for a bit now. He's had some matches, but after the first date it kind falls off. I assume this is probably normal? I was thinking it's kind of like job interviews with an online match being the first, and the first date being the second. The important hurdle is getting to date #2. Am I off base about this? I don't have any experience with the online experience myself, so I can only make educated guesses.
Question, my friend has been trying the online dating scene for a bit now. He's had some matches, but after the first date it kind falls off. I assume this is probably normal? I was thinking it's kind of like job interviews with an online match being the first, and the first date being the second. The important hurdle is getting to date #2. Am I off base about this? I don't have any experience with the online experience myself, so I can only make educated guesses.
When I was on the appz, it was a LOT of matches that fizzled, fewer first dates, and a handful of second dates. That seems normal to me.
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thatassemblyguyJanitor of Technical Debt.Registered Userregular
Question, my friend has been trying the online dating scene for a bit now. He's had some matches, but after the first date it kind falls off. I assume this is probably normal? I was thinking it's kind of like job interviews with an online match being the first, and the first date being the second. The important hurdle is getting to date #2. Am I off base about this? I don't have any experience with the online experience myself, so I can only make educated guesses.
This is very close.
It's definitely like an interview (all dating is an interview: you're selling yourself, but don't sell a fiction), but the important hurdle is determining if the person is good for you and if you're good for the person. Not trying to achieve a magical milestone (like a second date).
Your friend will definitely have a lot of matches end at the first date (until they don't) because the first date is really just trying to determine if there's any real connection beyond a few shared text messages/photos.
uggh, I still haven't updated the OP *flops around in missed deadline*
Question, my friend has been trying the online dating scene for a bit now. He's had some matches, but after the first date it kind falls off. I assume this is probably normal? I was thinking it's kind of like job interviews with an online match being the first, and the first date being the second. The important hurdle is getting to date #2. Am I off base about this? I don't have any experience with the online experience myself, so I can only make educated guesses.
Yes, that's common. I don't know what your friend is doing on the date, but what I found really helps get to date #2 is to inject the -appropriate- amount of sexuality into the first date (based on both your comfort levels and social cues). Too much overt uncalibrated sexuality too early is obviously creepy, but us nerdy types often inject far too little, with the result that no attraction is built up, which results in the other person losing interest pretty fast.
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cptruggedI think it has something to do with free will.Registered Userregular
Question, my friend has been trying the online dating scene for a bit now. He's had some matches, but after the first date it kind falls off. I assume this is probably normal? I was thinking it's kind of like job interviews with an online match being the first, and the first date being the second. The important hurdle is getting to date #2. Am I off base about this? I don't have any experience with the online experience myself, so I can only make educated guesses.
Yep. This is pretty much how it works. I did online dating for 3 years till I met my Feyonce. It is a LOT of first dates. But what's good about that is that it was a lot of dates period. You get used to rejection and having to be the one to turn someone down. You get used to the level of interaction that you're really looking for and what expectations to set.
A couple of things. In 3 years I only went on a handful of second dates. That definitely is one of the big hurdles. Second, tell them not to get discouraged if they're not swimming in matches. You will swipe right A LOT and only get a few matches. But it is a numbers game and you can stick with it and hopefully find success.
At the end of my online dating getting to the third date was the big hurdle. Lots of first dates. A chunk of second dates that led to nothing. Third dates is real breaking point it felt like.
But yeah its a numbers game. I was going on dates every 2 weeks or so before I met my fiancee.
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OrcaAlso known as EspressosaurusWrexRegistered Userregular
After giving up at the beginning of the year due to nobody even trying to communicate, I restarted this whole thing again. And while it's not perfect, things are feeling more like what I remember from the before times in terms of some people (as opposed to no people) actually making an effort to communicate and connect.
I also had the joy of my first stealth ENM person. Fun conversation, but a total waste of time. Oh well, onto the next.
After giving up at the beginning of the year due to nobody even trying to communicate, I restarted this whole thing again. And while it's not perfect, things are feeling more like what I remember from the before times in terms of some people (as opposed to no people) actually making an effort to communicate and connect.
I also had the joy of my first stealth ENM person. Fun conversation, but a total waste of time. Oh well, onto the next.
I think seasonality definitely matters. Spring/summer being the best times when people are looking for various reasons (summer fun, need wedding dates, etc.) versus winter being the worst due to low excitement resulting from seasonal depression.
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OrcaAlso known as EspressosaurusWrexRegistered Userregular
After giving up at the beginning of the year due to nobody even trying to communicate, I restarted this whole thing again. And while it's not perfect, things are feeling more like what I remember from the before times in terms of some people (as opposed to no people) actually making an effort to communicate and connect.
I also had the joy of my first stealth ENM person. Fun conversation, but a total waste of time. Oh well, onto the next.
I think seasonality definitely matters. Spring/summer being the best times when people are looking for various reasons (summer fun, need wedding dates, etc.) versus winter being the worst due to low excitement resulting from seasonal depression.
I'd read the month before Valentine's Day was supposed to be the busiest time of the year and it was a damn graveyard as far as I could tell.
After giving up at the beginning of the year due to nobody even trying to communicate, I restarted this whole thing again. And while it's not perfect, things are feeling more like what I remember from the before times in terms of some people (as opposed to no people) actually making an effort to communicate and connect.
I also had the joy of my first stealth ENM person. Fun conversation, but a total waste of time. Oh well, onto the next.
I think seasonality definitely matters. Spring/summer being the best times when people are looking for various reasons (summer fun, need wedding dates, etc.) versus winter being the worst due to low excitement resulting from seasonal depression.
I'd read the month before Valentine's Day was supposed to be the busiest time of the year and it was a damn graveyard as far as I could tell.
With waves/surges of covid now being a factor, I suspect a lot of the previously documented trends may not be as reliable as before. January has generally been an uptick for dating compared to months prior as family holiday gatherings that ate up people's time and could reinforce their singleness were done. But that's also now prime time for infection upticks too.
After giving up at the beginning of the year due to nobody even trying to communicate, I restarted this whole thing again. And while it's not perfect, things are feeling more like what I remember from the before times in terms of some people (as opposed to no people) actually making an effort to communicate and connect.
I also had the joy of my first stealth ENM person. Fun conversation, but a total waste of time. Oh well, onto the next.
I think seasonality definitely matters. Spring/summer being the best times when people are looking for various reasons (summer fun, need wedding dates, etc.) versus winter being the worst due to low excitement resulting from seasonal depression.
I'd read the month before Valentine's Day was supposed to be the busiest time of the year and it was a damn graveyard as far as I could tell.
With waves/surges of covid now being a factor, I suspect a lot of the previously documented trends may not be as reliable as before. January has generally been an uptick for dating compared to months prior as family holiday gatherings that ate up people's time and could reinforce their singleness were done. But that's also now prime time for infection upticks too.
Another anecdotal reasoning behind January, especially the week/weekend after the 1st, was that there were a large amount of break-ups right after the holidays. Either the stress of the holidays breaking people up, or people specifically not breaking-up until the holidays were done, so there was a large influx of people looking to rebound.
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OrcaAlso known as EspressosaurusWrexRegistered Userregular
After giving up at the beginning of the year due to nobody even trying to communicate, I restarted this whole thing again. And while it's not perfect, things are feeling more like what I remember from the before times in terms of some people (as opposed to no people) actually making an effort to communicate and connect.
I also had the joy of my first stealth ENM person. Fun conversation, but a total waste of time. Oh well, onto the next.
I think seasonality definitely matters. Spring/summer being the best times when people are looking for various reasons (summer fun, need wedding dates, etc.) versus winter being the worst due to low excitement resulting from seasonal depression.
I'd read the month before Valentine's Day was supposed to be the busiest time of the year and it was a damn graveyard as far as I could tell.
With waves/surges of covid now being a factor, I suspect a lot of the previously documented trends may not be as reliable as before. January has generally been an uptick for dating compared to months prior as family holiday gatherings that ate up people's time and could reinforce their singleness were done. But that's also now prime time for infection upticks too.
Since I can't find a dating/love life advice thread
Went to a hooker, went with this mid twenties Chinese girl we fuck for three hours, she gives me her number and askes if I have gf. I say no she ok I'll be it then says she'll stop being a escort.
We message each over the weekend, she honestly does seem like a nice enough girl. Start thinking about she most likely is just using me as another simp for money, most likely stringing a bunch of lonely men along.
Yesterday I message her and say we shouldn't do this, say she is lovely girl and wished her the best and then blocked her.
Did I fuck up?
Since I can't find a dating/love life advice thread
Went to a hooker, went with this mid twenties Chinese girl we fuck for three hours, she gives me her number and askes if I have gf. I say no she ok I'll be it then says she'll stop being a escort.
We message each over the weekend, she honestly does seem like a nice enough girl. Start thinking about she most likely is just using me as another simp for money, most likely stringing a bunch of lonely men along.
Yesterday I message her and say we shouldn't do this, say she is lovely girl and wished her the best and then blocked her.
Did I fuck up?
Probably not, no. You're unlikely to find a girlfriend through paying for one.
Since I can't find a dating/love life advice thread
Went to a hooker, went with this mid twenties Chinese girl we fuck for three hours, she gives me her number and askes if I have gf. I say no she ok I'll be it then says she'll stop being a escort.
We message each over the weekend, she honestly does seem like a nice enough girl. Start thinking about she most likely is just using me as another simp for money, most likely stringing a bunch of lonely men along.
Yesterday I message her and say we shouldn't do this, say she is lovely girl and wished her the best and then blocked her.
Did I fuck up?
Probably not, no. You're unlikely to find a girlfriend through paying for one.
Then what are my options because while I here in the west thanks to my height no woman will give me the time of day. Here's the thing I tried a experiment for 1 month with Bumble using the passport I got matches. I got actual conversations with women. Here I can't get shit because women in the west view short men as subhuman scum.
Perhaps online dating isn't your best avenue. It might be better to try more social ways to allow women to get to know your personality first. And don't bring up your height during dates, ever.
If someone's not into you based entirely on your height, they're a superficial goose anyway and wouldn't have been worth dating in the first place. Really not missing out on anything there.
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Lord_AsmodeusgoeticSobriquet:Here is your magical cryptic riddle-tumour: I AM A TIME MACHINERegistered Userregular
So I posted my bumble profile on one of the dating sub Reddits to see if I could get second opinions/critiques.
And I somehow got a date out of it.
What's sort of weird is I reflexively disliked the idea of posting my dating profile on reddit, even though it is a publicly viewable and such I'm usually eager to get eyeballs on. Partly I guess it's just the assumed differences in audience. Did you make a new reddit account to do it? That's not the kind of thing I'd want to tie to my main account publicly.
If someone's not into you based entirely on your height, they're a superficial goose anyway and wouldn't have been worth dating in the first place. Really not missing out on anything there.
I somewhat agree but where do you draw the line of someone just being superficial? I don't think basing your dating choices at least partly on whether you find the other party attractive is unreasonable necessarily.
Personally I've gotten back into online dating since my last relationship ended and I forgot just how much it feels like screaming into the void sometimes, at least from the men's perspective I know women often have a different shitty experience.
As for in person dating, trying to expand your social circles to be exposed to more people who might eventually be someone with whom you share mutual interest takes time and at least for me, I'm bad at it. There's also my social anxiety and being very self conscious about that kind of thing, where I'm never sure what's the appropriate context to express interest in someone in person, so I err on the side of not. It doesn't help that I have no sense for if someone is interested in me.
Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if Labor had not first existed. Labor is superior to capital, and deserves much the higher consideration. - Lincoln
If someone's not into you based entirely on your height, they're a superficial goose anyway and wouldn't have been worth dating in the first place. Really not missing out on anything there.
I somewhat agree but where do you draw the line of someone just being superficial? I don't think basing your dating choices at least partly on whether you find the other party attractive is unreasonable necessarily.
No one has a good answer because there are a lot of problematic reasons that society can condition someone to find someone unattractive at first glance. See the long documented poorer dating app results for Asian men and Black women as a prime example.
The height thing is an especially touchy one as another factor people have absolutely no control over outside of some new, risky, and painful surgeries. On the one hand, I've known some women through dance who feel oafish and unfeminine dancing with a much smaller lead and didn't enjoy the feeling which I imagine would only be amplified in a romantic relationship. But I'm also well aware that some women also will initially insist on a man several inches taller than them even though when pressed they'll admit they'd be fine with someone a few inches shorter. It's just an easy thing to set a filter for, one that many apps let you do without paying, that can quickly eliminate a pool of prospects that are otherwise doing everything else right for something they're born with.
Edit: Excluding people based on height minimums in an app is something I find particularly silly given how often women (and some men) have thought I'm taller than I am. A lot have thought I was at least 6 feet because I avoid slouching and how I otherwise carry myself despite being a pretty quiet person. I'm almost exactly 5' 11" when measured but you need to be almost exactly my height or taller to see that.
After matching or after one or two dates, how often are people messaging them? I don't want try build a relationship through texting and I think it's important to go in a date to see if there is any chemistry, but I also want to show interest. I know there is no hard rule, I am looking to hear people's experiences.
After matching or after one or two dates, how often are people messaging them? I don't want try build a relationship through texting and I think it's important to go in a date to see if there is any chemistry, but I also want to show interest. I know there is no hard rule, I am looking to hear people's experiences.
I initially message with a goal of about 4-6 banter messages to get a feel for her vibe before asking for a date, though this is adjustable based on how things are going.
After date is the followup text saying I had a good time and am would like to see again. And then a few comfort type messages if there's a gap between date 1 and 2, but the vast majority of communication needs to be in-person for me to get involved.
After matching or after one or two dates, how often are people messaging them? I don't want try build a relationship through texting and I think it's important to go in a date to see if there is any chemistry, but I also want to show interest. I know there is no hard rule, I am looking to hear people's experiences.
I've almost exclusively used apps that end the chat after 7 days the last several years and that kind of sets a limit on how long the messaging can last. Usually that's around 3 messages sent and replied to because there needs to be a few days to allow for messages to discuss what and where to do said date and exchange info.
It all basically works out to what @Blarghy posted above in practice. The timeline just gives a reminder to not sit on any messages too long.
Posts
WTF happened to Bumble? I'm being shown ~30% men and couples. And at least half the couples are looking for a unicorn.
Awesome that you're getting back out there.
I definitely remember couples always being a thing in general, maybe there's less singles so it feels like more?
Maybe? Or maybe I just hadn't remembered there being that many/them being that in your face?
rip.
ive done this more than once on accident.
who knows though, maybe this is the moment. "40 years later and all because Orca butter-thumbed the super like button."
Ahhhh, online dating, never change.
Not even that!
One issue is, for some reason a text message of mine yesterday planning the date was not received. She reached out this morning to ask for more information about the time for meeting up, which indicated she didn't receive my last message setting up the time. I sent her a message via text and on the app clarifying the time and saying that for some reason my last message must not have been sent or received. She received this one via text, and my message saying thay am heading out. During the date we talked about the message from yesterday not sending and she showed showed me that indeed there was a missing message.
A part of me is concerned that she won't receive my after-date message and I don't want to accidentally ghost her. However, I don't want to come off as desperate. Any suggestions on my next steps if I don't hear back in a few days?
If you don’t hear back from that call it a wash.
Thank you for the input, I appreciate it! I just received a text back and she enjoyed the date and we are going to go out again when her schedule allows. I may see if she has Whatsapp as that has been more consistent. Overall, I'm happy with the date and looking forward to the next one.
+1 for Hinge as that is where I met my fiancé as well.
FFXIV: Tchel Fay
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Steam: Tortalius
Stream: twitch.tv/tortalius
When I was on the appz, it was a LOT of matches that fizzled, fewer first dates, and a handful of second dates. That seems normal to me.
This is very close.
It's definitely like an interview (all dating is an interview: you're selling yourself, but don't sell a fiction), but the important hurdle is determining if the person is good for you and if you're good for the person. Not trying to achieve a magical milestone (like a second date).
Your friend will definitely have a lot of matches end at the first date (until they don't) because the first date is really just trying to determine if there's any real connection beyond a few shared text messages/photos.
Yes, that's common. I don't know what your friend is doing on the date, but what I found really helps get to date #2 is to inject the -appropriate- amount of sexuality into the first date (based on both your comfort levels and social cues). Too much overt uncalibrated sexuality too early is obviously creepy, but us nerdy types often inject far too little, with the result that no attraction is built up, which results in the other person losing interest pretty fast.
Yep. This is pretty much how it works. I did online dating for 3 years till I met my Feyonce. It is a LOT of first dates. But what's good about that is that it was a lot of dates period. You get used to rejection and having to be the one to turn someone down. You get used to the level of interaction that you're really looking for and what expectations to set.
A couple of things. In 3 years I only went on a handful of second dates. That definitely is one of the big hurdles. Second, tell them not to get discouraged if they're not swimming in matches. You will swipe right A LOT and only get a few matches. But it is a numbers game and you can stick with it and hopefully find success.
But yeah its a numbers game. I was going on dates every 2 weeks or so before I met my fiancee.
I also had the joy of my first stealth ENM person. Fun conversation, but a total waste of time. Oh well, onto the next.
I think seasonality definitely matters. Spring/summer being the best times when people are looking for various reasons (summer fun, need wedding dates, etc.) versus winter being the worst due to low excitement resulting from seasonal depression.
I'd read the month before Valentine's Day was supposed to be the busiest time of the year and it was a damn graveyard as far as I could tell.
With waves/surges of covid now being a factor, I suspect a lot of the previously documented trends may not be as reliable as before. January has generally been an uptick for dating compared to months prior as family holiday gatherings that ate up people's time and could reinforce their singleness were done. But that's also now prime time for infection upticks too.
Steam Profile
3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
Another anecdotal reasoning behind January, especially the week/weekend after the 1st, was that there were a large amount of break-ups right after the holidays. Either the stress of the holidays breaking people up, or people specifically not breaking-up until the holidays were done, so there was a large influx of people looking to rebound.
Yeah, that's a good point.
And I somehow got a date out of it.
This is how my best friend met his wife.
Went to a hooker, went with this mid twenties Chinese girl we fuck for three hours, she gives me her number and askes if I have gf. I say no she ok I'll be it then says she'll stop being a escort.
We message each over the weekend, she honestly does seem like a nice enough girl. Start thinking about she most likely is just using me as another simp for money, most likely stringing a bunch of lonely men along.
Yesterday I message her and say we shouldn't do this, say she is lovely girl and wished her the best and then blocked her.
Did I fuck up?
Probably not, no. You're unlikely to find a girlfriend through paying for one.
Then what are my options because while I here in the west thanks to my height no woman will give me the time of day. Here's the thing I tried a experiment for 1 month with Bumble using the passport I got matches. I got actual conversations with women. Here I can't get shit because women in the west view short men as subhuman scum.
What's sort of weird is I reflexively disliked the idea of posting my dating profile on reddit, even though it is a publicly viewable and such I'm usually eager to get eyeballs on. Partly I guess it's just the assumed differences in audience. Did you make a new reddit account to do it? That's not the kind of thing I'd want to tie to my main account publicly.
I somewhat agree but where do you draw the line of someone just being superficial? I don't think basing your dating choices at least partly on whether you find the other party attractive is unreasonable necessarily.
Personally I've gotten back into online dating since my last relationship ended and I forgot just how much it feels like screaming into the void sometimes, at least from the men's perspective I know women often have a different shitty experience.
As for in person dating, trying to expand your social circles to be exposed to more people who might eventually be someone with whom you share mutual interest takes time and at least for me, I'm bad at it. There's also my social anxiety and being very self conscious about that kind of thing, where I'm never sure what's the appropriate context to express interest in someone in person, so I err on the side of not. It doesn't help that I have no sense for if someone is interested in me.
No one has a good answer because there are a lot of problematic reasons that society can condition someone to find someone unattractive at first glance. See the long documented poorer dating app results for Asian men and Black women as a prime example.
The height thing is an especially touchy one as another factor people have absolutely no control over outside of some new, risky, and painful surgeries. On the one hand, I've known some women through dance who feel oafish and unfeminine dancing with a much smaller lead and didn't enjoy the feeling which I imagine would only be amplified in a romantic relationship. But I'm also well aware that some women also will initially insist on a man several inches taller than them even though when pressed they'll admit they'd be fine with someone a few inches shorter. It's just an easy thing to set a filter for, one that many apps let you do without paying, that can quickly eliminate a pool of prospects that are otherwise doing everything else right for something they're born with.
Edit: Excluding people based on height minimums in an app is something I find particularly silly given how often women (and some men) have thought I'm taller than I am. A lot have thought I was at least 6 feet because I avoid slouching and how I otherwise carry myself despite being a pretty quiet person. I'm almost exactly 5' 11" when measured but you need to be almost exactly my height or taller to see that.
Steam Profile
3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
I initially message with a goal of about 4-6 banter messages to get a feel for her vibe before asking for a date, though this is adjustable based on how things are going.
After date is the followup text saying I had a good time and am would like to see again. And then a few comfort type messages if there's a gap between date 1 and 2, but the vast majority of communication needs to be in-person for me to get involved.
I've almost exclusively used apps that end the chat after 7 days the last several years and that kind of sets a limit on how long the messaging can last. Usually that's around 3 messages sent and replied to because there needs to be a few days to allow for messages to discuss what and where to do said date and exchange info.
It all basically works out to what @Blarghy posted above in practice. The timeline just gives a reminder to not sit on any messages too long.
Steam Profile
3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772