DepressperadoI just wanted to see you laughingin the pizza rainRegistered Userregular
I hate that shit, wake up in a bad mood and it's all sunshine and pleasant temperatures and it smells of honeysuckle and you can hear the birds and you're just like
I worked mostly at night in the military and I work pretty late these days, so I have to wear sunglasses in daylight, but I actually love when it’s sunny!
Every week for the past month I've been awoken at 3am by low flying jets. I then have a hard time getting back to sleep because my wife wakes up worried they're ICBMs.
"Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
You thought you were going to be a small and misunderstood architect
Who builds his own tree house and from then on hides in it
Then someone came who probably thought you had to go to school
You thought, "I'll do it and what the heck, my house will still be there"
Then the summer was already over and it was still not four
You drew hundreds of houses on your greaseproof paper
You thought, "When I grow up, I'll fuck growing up
When I'm of age, I'll just allow myself all the fun"
And then school was over and somehow there wasn't a house anymore
No time to rebuild, things have to go uphill somehow
You thought, "If I'm way ahead, no one will kick me in the buttocks
Then I'll make the laws here and I'll make a lax one for me"
And for that you hold out again, and not one degree, but four
You drew a thousand old houses on gridded paper
And with all that nice money you built a house near Bordeaux
But every time you got home, all the lights were off
You thought, "When I'm really old, I'll stop everything
And then I only fill my life with beautiful, true, plump"
You thought about it a lot and made a concrete plan
You will drive to your parents' house on your first day as a pensioner
You thought, "Then I'll finally build myself a house in my tree
Which then grows up to the stars, like in my dream"
You thought a lot on the drive and after the ten hours you were there
But where your house with your tree was, there was an Edeka
Anybody ever feel like they've completely lost control of their mind?
Not like, gone crazy just that it's become much harder to control thoughts and focus? I feel like over the last few years my attention span has shattered. I used to be able to sit down and focus in on a drawing for hours and hours and now I can maybe eek out 10 to 15 minutes before I feel like I need to stop and check my phone or something. I hate it.
Watching YouTube videos I'll often minimize the window and pull up something else so that I've got two indirect sources of stimuli, auditory and visual, and I'm not really focused on either. It's just noise. Something to keep my brain from wandering off into the deep dark woods.
I'm much more anxious these last few years as well. I seem to always be worried about something and this stress can manifest in a few ways for me that I've become aware of. I'm just not really sure what to do, so I think (especially at work) I seek out distractions to keep myself from fixating on those stressors. Even the forums have become a little fix of digital opiate to me.
Like, what I feel like I need to do is completely erase my digital presence, throw my phone into the ocean and go spend some time somewhere quiet, but I just don't know how feasible that is in this modern age of connectivity. How do you divorce yourself from the world when the world is now so digital and still exist as a person? Social media, being Online, all of it is a fucking drug. If you struggle with feelings of loneliness or isolation you turn to these things to feel connected but it only makes you feel even worse, so you try to chase the high with more of it. It's this vicious circle that's hard to break and I feel like I've done a reasonably good job of not actually being too reliant on those things. But I still feel the side effects of constant information overload, and even feelings of inferiority because the Algorithm has decided that all I will ever see (either in the forefront or just in the peripheral) are the terminally Hot and Successful, even in what should be a feed filled with short videos of dogs being weird little dudes.
If I weren't moderately allergic to cats I would volunteer at the cat shelter next door myself just to have something to do with my time that isn't looking into the doom mirror in my pocket every twenty minutes.
Posts
I'm in a bad mood it should be gloomy
direct sunlight is suffering
assuming I don't have to be out in it, a warm day-long thunderstorm is my very favorite weather and it's not even close
Just accept that you have no idea where you’re going and that you’ll fall occasionally. Make metaphors for life a reality tonight!
https://youtu.be/r3T1x57u8Ok
Is that mood, or does it need to be more dramatic?
gay
'babies aren't that profitable'
legalize infant labor, problem solved
https://youtu.be/CZdE9QA-W4o
Who builds his own tree house and from then on hides in it
Then someone came who probably thought you had to go to school
You thought, "I'll do it and what the heck, my house will still be there"
Then the summer was already over and it was still not four
You drew hundreds of houses on your greaseproof paper
You thought, "When I grow up, I'll fuck growing up
When I'm of age, I'll just allow myself all the fun"
And then school was over and somehow there wasn't a house anymore
No time to rebuild, things have to go uphill somehow
You thought, "If I'm way ahead, no one will kick me in the buttocks
Then I'll make the laws here and I'll make a lax one for me"
And for that you hold out again, and not one degree, but four
You drew a thousand old houses on gridded paper
And with all that nice money you built a house near Bordeaux
But every time you got home, all the lights were off
You thought, "When I'm really old, I'll stop everything
And then I only fill my life with beautiful, true, plump"
You thought about it a lot and made a concrete plan
You will drive to your parents' house on your first day as a pensioner
You thought, "Then I'll finally build myself a house in my tree
Which then grows up to the stars, like in my dream"
You thought a lot on the drive and after the ten hours you were there
But where your house with your tree was, there was an Edeka
Miss ya big man. Gone but not forgotten
your watch has ended, brother.
Not like, gone crazy just that it's become much harder to control thoughts and focus? I feel like over the last few years my attention span has shattered. I used to be able to sit down and focus in on a drawing for hours and hours and now I can maybe eek out 10 to 15 minutes before I feel like I need to stop and check my phone or something. I hate it.
Watching YouTube videos I'll often minimize the window and pull up something else so that I've got two indirect sources of stimuli, auditory and visual, and I'm not really focused on either. It's just noise. Something to keep my brain from wandering off into the deep dark woods.
I'm much more anxious these last few years as well. I seem to always be worried about something and this stress can manifest in a few ways for me that I've become aware of. I'm just not really sure what to do, so I think (especially at work) I seek out distractions to keep myself from fixating on those stressors. Even the forums have become a little fix of digital opiate to me.
Like, what I feel like I need to do is completely erase my digital presence, throw my phone into the ocean and go spend some time somewhere quiet, but I just don't know how feasible that is in this modern age of connectivity. How do you divorce yourself from the world when the world is now so digital and still exist as a person? Social media, being Online, all of it is a fucking drug. If you struggle with feelings of loneliness or isolation you turn to these things to feel connected but it only makes you feel even worse, so you try to chase the high with more of it. It's this vicious circle that's hard to break and I feel like I've done a reasonably good job of not actually being too reliant on those things. But I still feel the side effects of constant information overload, and even feelings of inferiority because the Algorithm has decided that all I will ever see (either in the forefront or just in the peripheral) are the terminally Hot and Successful, even in what should be a feed filled with short videos of dogs being weird little dudes.
I dunno. My mood is rambley and introspective.
If I weren't moderately allergic to cats I would volunteer at the cat shelter next door myself just to have something to do with my time that isn't looking into the doom mirror in my pocket every twenty minutes.